


Love Me Not

by ChatDuNoir, GentleRed (ChatDuNoir)



Category: Original Work
Genre: Cunnilingus, F/F, Fame, Fifty Shades of Grey Parody, Hate to Love, Humor, Journalism, Lesbian Sex, Mara swears a lot, Tanya is a tease, celebrity, salty language
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-29
Updated: 2020-02-20
Packaged: 2020-09-29 13:00:31
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 32
Words: 189,348
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20436443
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ChatDuNoir/pseuds/ChatDuNoir, https://archiveofourown.org/users/ChatDuNoir/pseuds/GentleRed
Summary: Mara's girlfriend dumped her. Because she fell in love with someone else. How crappy is that?Mara is feeling pretty angry at the whole world. Even at the brunette she happens to share a taxi with on her way home from a night out drinking. But maybe she should have kept her mouth shut instead, because sometimes things aren't what they appear to be.





	1. A Cab In The Dark

I wasn’t that drunk. 

At least that was what I kept telling myself as I stumbled out of the bar. The next thing I told myself was that I had deserved to be drunk on this Sunday night. Because I had survived. I had actually made it through one entire month without my girlfriend. If that didn’t call for a celebration, I didn’t know what did. One fucking month without my girlfriend. Ex-girlfriend. You’re a fucking solider, Swanson.

A very, very drunk solider that was. 

But that was okay. I had deserved it. More than deserved it. 

“Shit,” I cursed as I nearly knocked a man over. “Sorry!”

“Watch it,” he sneered. 

“You watch it,” I shot back. Seriously, he could have gone around me instead of walking straight ahead. 

“Stupid drunk!” he bellowed as he rounded a corner and disappeared from sight.

“Fuck off,” I said quietly and brushed a hand over my plaid shirt. There was a stain on it, I noted. Did I seriously wear a stained shirt? Nice one, Swanson. But then I remembered that there had in fact been a guy who had spilled his drink all over it in the bar. And the washing machine is broken. Great. How the hell am I supposed to ger this stain off? I want to wear this shirt tomorrow.

Tomorrow. Damn it. I was going to work tomorrow. God damnit, why do I keep making such bad decisions? And why was it that I at twenty eight years old still hadn’t gotten my shit together? 

I decided not to answer that question. Instead I had to focus on what was important right now. Like finding a cab. That was very, very important. I had to find a cab that could take me away from this street and back to West Hollywood and my bed. I needed to sleep more than I needed to breathe. 

So I continued my stumble down the street. God, why is it so fucking dark here? Ugh, I should have listened to Angie and stayed home. We could have shared a bottle of wine and watched Netflix. And I would be in bed by now. That would obviously have been the better thing to do. But once again, I hadn’t listened to common sense. Once again, I had thought that I knew best. Which I obviously didn’t. 

The temptation to duck into some alley and take a little nap was very tempting, but I forced myself to keep going. I really couldn’t sleep in an alley. Even though I wanted to. 

So I continued down the street, and as I forced my feet to move, I regretted all my life decisions. Fucking Lily. It’s all her fault. If she hadn’t decided to walk out on me, I wouldn’t be this piss drunk. And I definitely wouldn’t feel that taking a nap in an alley would be a good idea. 

I looked around in the hopes to spot an available cab, and I silently scolded myself for not having been smart enough to book a cab in advances. That would have made things so much easier. 

“Taxi!” I yelled and considered whether to whistle or not. 

“I’ll give you a ride,” a guy passing me in his car offered while he made these rather hilarious kissing noises at me. 

“Piss off,” I said almost cheerily, and the way he sneered at me only made me laugh hysterically.

He wisely took off, and I continued my quest to find a cab. I wasn’t panicking yet. Normally, the place was swarming with cabs around this time. 

I continued my drunken stumble down the street, and twice I almost tripped. And then laughed hysterically. For no apparent reason. Because that was clearly how things were tonight. Fuck, maybe those shots were a bad idea after all. And those beers. And that colorful drink that dude had insisted upon buying me even though I had said I wasn’t interested. Oh well. His loss, my gain. I continued down the street, and I only narrowly avoided colliding with a chick who looked as drunk as I felt. Either that or she’d had a very bad lay. 

“Taxi!” I yelled again. Several heads turned, and I realized that maybe my voice was a bit loud. Oops. But hey, if that’s what it takes to hail a cab, I’ll keep yelling for the rest of the night. 

Or maybe I should just call Angie and suck up to her until she picked me up. I could do that. I had often done the same for her, so why should this be any different? I grappled for my phone in my pocket, but for some reason, I couldn’t get a hold of the damn thing. 

“God damn it!” I cursed loudly. The phone kept slipping between my fingers, and I ended up pushing it back into my pocket. The last thing I wanted was for it to shatter against the pavement. That would officially make this a bad night. I suppose I’ll just have to walk then. To West Hollywood. Great. Fucking fantastic. 

I didn’t have to walk. Just as I had “made peace” with the current development, a taxi drove past me, and overcome by relief, I whistled loudly and then yelled “hey!”

It worked. The cab pulled over. I found new strength and wobbled over there as quickly as I could. 

“You are saving my life, mate,” I said as I clumsily wiggled onto the backseat.

“No problem. Where too?”

My voice was slightly slurred as I garbled out the address with a “hurry, please.”

“Alrighty,” the cab driver said, and I nearly rolled my eyes. Boy, he was in a great mood. 

But fortunately enough, he wasn’t the small talking type. I sort of loved him for his ability to just sit in silence as we drove. I leaned back against the head support. My head was starting to feel a little fuzzy, and I cringed as I felt the first wave of nausea. Don’t throw up in the cab, don’t throw up in the cab. Seriously, I had to be able to keep the contents of my stomach down until I reached the apartment. That wasn’t too much to ask, was it? My eyelids were starting to droop too. Maybe a little nap wouldn’t be so bad. I cracked one eye open and looked at the cab driver. He looks like a pretty decent guy. I’m sure he won’t kill or rob me if I rest my eyes real quickly.

And rest my eyes was exactly what I did as I leaned back and closed my eyes once more. But unfortunately, relaxation didn’t come that easily. Instead of getting the powernap I had hoped for, I saw Lily for my inner eye. Lovely Lily. Beautiful Lily. The girl I had loved. The girl I still loved. The girl I was supposed to marry and spend the rest of my life with. A whole future gone because of four little words. 

I can’t do this. That’s what she had said that day. And the following four words had crushed me.

There is someone else. Someone else. That someone else had turned out to be a woman named Ursula. Ursula. Lily had left me for someone named Ursula. Had I been just a little more drunk, I probably would have found that to be hilariously funny. But all I could see right now was a gigantic sea witch using her tentacles to ensnare Lily. I chuckled hysterically. Maybe it was a little funny anyway. The cab driver shot me a rather funny look. Maybe he’s afraid I’ll be the one to murder him. I chuckled again. That was rather hilarious too. 

Somewhere deep in my pocket, my phone beeped, and I was willing to bet all my money that it was either Angie or my mom trying to reach me, but I wasn’t about to try and grab the phone. If it ended up somewhere on the car floor, I would be screwed too. No way in hell I’m gonna climb onto the floor to find it. Nu-uh. Not gonna happen.

The phone kept vibrating in my pocket. I groaned. Shut up, will you? Shit. Sorry, mom. I really hope it’s not you calling. Angie was the type of person you could tell to shut up. Not my mom. After having acted like an insistent little bitch for a while, the phone finally stopped vibrating in my pocket, and my shoulders uncurled. 

I leaned back again and groaned quietly under my breath. 

“Rough night?” the cab driver asked, and I almost groaned again. Maybe he was the small talking type after all. 

“Kinda, yeah,” I said and understated things enormously. 

“Trouble at work?” he guessed. 

“Nope. Work’s fine,” I said neutrally. I could have chosen to tell him about Ingrid, my boss from hell, but there was such a thing as oversharing, and maybe I was drunk, but not drunk enough to tell all my secrets to a random cab driver. 

He didn’t ask any more questions, and I was eternally grateful for that. I just wanted to sit in peace. But before that could happen, I had a question for him: “will you tell me when we’re in West Hollywood?”

“Sure thing,” he said. 

“Thanks.” With that I leaned back and closed my eyes again. Maybe this time I could get a little powernap.

Nope. No such luck. The minute I closed my eyes, I was attacked by flashbacks of Lily. Every time she had held my hand came back to haunt me. Every kiss we had shared, every lazy morning we had spend in bed. The way her skin always smelled of cake after she had showered. The way her small body molded perfectly against mine when I was the big spoon. I’ll never get the chance to spoon her again. I’ll never smell her skin or kiss her lips. And all because of Ursula. Fucking Ursula and her fucking tentacles. Seriously, why can’t people just find their own girlfriends instead of stealing others?

I reluctantly acknowledged that Lily and I had had some problems before Ursula tentacled her way into our relationship. Maybe if I had worked less. Maybe if I had actually made an effort to find that house in the suburbs that Lily wanted... God, I should have tried harder! Why was I always so focused on working instead of Lily? She was what mattered. I was starting to feel spiteful now. But obviously, she didn’t care enough for me to stay and try to figure things out. Instead she dropped everything and ran straight into Ursula’s arms. She should have tried harder. God, the more I thought of it, the more things I could find to hate about Ursula. I hated that she was tall and flawless with long black hair that rarely was disheveled. I hated that her style was mostly “power suits” and pinstriped skirts. I hated that she knew exactly how to do her makeup all the time. I hated that she was one of those women who just oozed “I’ve got everything under control”. I hated that she had her shit together. 

But most of all, I hated that there had been a time where I had liked her. I hated that she had been a friend before she decided to make a move on my girlfriend. And succeed.

Fuck her. Fuck Ursula. And fuck fucking Lily.... Did I mean that? Probably not.

I suddenly noted that the cab had stopped, and even though I was shitfaced, I knew that this wasn’t West Hollywood. I opened my eyes and saw too many lights. Definitely too many bright lights. I blinked a few times and then realized that the many bright lights was in fact just one light. A streetlight. We had pulled over near a streetlight, the cab drivers face was turned away from me, and it didn’t take me long to figure out why. I heard the trunk of the car being opened and then slammed shut far too loudly. Then the door to the passenger’s seat was opened. 

“Seriously?” I groaned. 

“Sorry, love,” the cab driver said, unbothered by my complain. “Busy night.”

Before I knew of it, a young brunette was climbing into the passenger’s seat. She was mostly coat, really. Almost completely hidden under an enormous parka, and her fringe kept most of her face hidden. 

“Seriously?” I groaned again as a knee collided with mine. This was definitely not my night.

She didn’t respond to that. Neither did the cab driver. Instead he asked her: “where to?”

“The Ritz-Carlton, please.”

“Yes, miss.”

I snorted quietly. Ritz-Carlton hotel, are you kidding me? Ritz-Carlton hotel was only one of the most expensive hotels in Los Angeles. No big deal. No big deal at all.

“And hurry, please,” she added. 

I rolled my eyes. 

The cab driver started the car again, and the brunette woman fished her phone out of her pocket and started tapping away on it. I frowned deeply at that. 

“Would you mind turning the screen light down a bit?” I asked. 

She shot me a look of annoyance, and then dimmed the light on her screen. 

“Thanks,” I said slightly sarcastically. She didn’t have to look like it was an enormous problem for her. 

I quickly calculated it. We were definitely closer to my place than to the Ritz-Carlton. It would make the most sense to drop me off first. Thank god. I wasn’t interested in sharing a cab. I just wanted to go home and sleep. 

I had just leaned back and closed my eyes once more when a phone started screeching. My eyes snapped open, and I quickly deduced that it was her phone screeching, and not mine. I bit back several curse words as she quickly answered it. “Hello? Yes. What do you mean rescheduled? Right. And at what time then?” she sighed as though this was effectively ruining her entire night. “At seven. Alright. Have you told him that- you have. Good. Alright. Mhmm. And what time is that then? At ten. The day after tomorrow. Alright, well, I suppose I’ll have to make room in my calendar for that if you really think it’s a good idea. Yes. Of course. Can I call you back once I’m back at the hotel? I’m in a cab right now, so- perfect. At lunch. Yes. Alright. See you then. Bye.” With that she ended the call and then resumed her tapping away on the phone.

“Jesus,” I muttered and rolled my eyes again. How necessary could it be to take a phone call at fucking four in the morning?

She glared at me, and her brown locks nearly hit me in the face as she turned her head. “I’m sorry, do you have a problem or something?”

“Nope, of course not,” I said with false conviction. 

She spared me no second glance. Instead she turned her attention back to her phone. 

I leaned back in the car seat again and closed my eyes. God, this taxi ride couldn’t end soon enough. I really needed to sleep, damn it!

But getting any rest on this taxi ride was clearly out of the question. The cab slowed down and stopped for red light at a traffic sign, and “Ms. Ritz-Carlton” leaned forward slightly. “You have to be kidding me.”

And you have to be kidding me! Seriously, how loud could one person be?!

After approximatively twenty seconds, the car began moving once more, but that clearly wasn’t enough for “phone addicted brunette”.

“Would it be possible to go a little faster?” she asked. “I’m actually in a hurry.” 

“I’m trying to not break any laws, miss.” The cab driver said completely unphased. 

“You are driving 10 miles under the speed limit,” she pointed out. “I don’t think it would be a disaster if you stepped on it just a little.” 

He didn’t answer. But I could hear him speed up. And gnash his teeth. Or maybe that was just me. 

“Would you relax, backseat driver,” I muttered quietly.

Not quietly enough. Her head whipped around again. “Excuse me?”

“This aint rally,” I said flatly. “We’re driving in the middle of a city.”

“I don’t think I’ve ever asked to hear your opinion,” she said and went back to looking at her phone. 

I scoffed. “Rude.”

She ignored that. 

I was so relieved that we neared West Hollywood. I was eager to get the hell out of this cab, but I sure felt sorry for the poor cab driver for being stuck with Ms. Impatient. 

I sighed as I leaned back once more and tried to rest my eyes. My head was spinning more and more, and I felt so incredibly nauseous. God, I need to go home. I need to sleep. Ugh, maybe I’ll just call in sick tomorrow and stay bed instead. With a bag of chips. And Netflix. I deserve that. I deserve a day in bed. I could do that. I could come up with some genius excuse to Ingrid and then spend the entire day locked away in my bedroom, feeling sorry for myself. God, that sounds amazing. Like the perfect day or something like that.

“Excuse me? This is ridiculous. You are still driving at least five miles under the speed limit! Could you please just go a little faster? I’m actually on a tight schedule here! It must be possible to speed up a little! There are no pedestrians or bicycles or other cars for that matter!” 

Okay, that’s it. Reached my limit! Something inside me completely snapped as my daydream about Netflix and a bag of chips was disrupted by her voice again. Was she incapable of keeping her mouth shut or something like that?

“Could you please just shut up for five minutes?!” I hissed and my hands curled into fists.

The look Ms. Impatient flashed me was deadly. If looks could kill! “Do you have a problem or something?”

“Yeah, I do,” I said. “My problem is that you keep mouthing off constantly! You’re being rude to the driver and you’re making my headache worse!”

“I wasn’t aware that your health was my problem!” her nostrils flared dangerously, and I could have sworn that her eyes gleamed for a second. 

“Look, I’ve had a really crappy day, alright? And the last thing I need is to listen to some spoiled princess flapping her gums constantly!” 

“You’re drunk,” she said, and her tone more than suggested what she thought of that.

“Rather that than being rude!” I shot back. Take that and shove it into the pocket of your designer parka!

She look her head, sending her dark locks tumbling around her face. “I don’t know exactly what you’re problem is, but I don’t recall having invited you to be a part of this conversation.” 

“Wow, you clearly have some sort of stick up your ass, don’t you?” I said and my amusement spilled over. I couldn’t help but laugh. Getting rid of some of the pent up anger was definitely good for me, and oh, how she deserved it!

“How dare you-“

“Just because you’ve gotten your panties in a twist over something doesn’t mean that you should take it out on innocent cab drivers!” I interrupted; my voice was loud now. Possibly even louder than hers had been. “I don’t give a shit about your tight schedule, and I’m pretty sure the cab driver doesn’t either, so stop acting like a spoiled bi-“

“West Hollywood!” the cab driver loudly announced. “We’ll soon be at your place, miss!”

“Finally,” I said. Relief flooded my body, and everything else became unimportant. 

And the cab driver was right. It didn’t take much more than two minutes before he pulled up in front of that block of apartments I knew so well. 

“Thanks,” I said as I quickly opened the door and got out of the cab. I wobbled slightly on my feet as I extended a hand in through the open window and handed him the payment for the ride. 

“Have a good night, miss.”

“You too.” I’m really sorry you’re stuck with Ms. Super Bitch in there. 

As the cab drove away, I turned around and groaned slightly. How the hell was I supposed to make it up to the third floor? The elevator was still broken. Had been for a couple of days. 

“Fan-fucking-tastic,” I mumbled as I wobbled over to the building and dialed my code on the intercom. For a moment I was scared that I had dialed wrong, but to my relief, the door simply buzzed once before it opened. 

I made it inside and moaned my complains as I was faced with my biggest challenge this night. The staircase. Why the hell does the elevator have to be broken tonight? I glared at the “out of order” sign on the elevator as I passed it. Fuck the elevator. And fuck this night. And fuck me for being this drunk. 

I grabbed tightly onto the handrail as I began my quest. One foot in front of the other. Come on, Swanson. It’s not that hard. Just take it slow. Don’t fall and break your neck. You can’t afford the hospital bill. But then again, if I did fall and broke my neck, I wouldn’t have to go to work tomorrow. But on the other hand, if I fell and broke my neck, I probably wouldn’t be going anywhere ever again. Bad plan. 

Focus. One foot in front of the other. No falling. And definitely no breaking your neck. Breaking your neck is forbidden. Jesus Christ, I should have stayed at home instead of going out. I’m never going out again. After this, I’m done. Totally done. I actually believed myself. I was never gonna drink again. From now on, I was gonna be a responsible adult. I’ll get my shit together now. Wait... Why does that sound like something I’ve heard before? 

Probably because this was not the first time, I had made that promise to myself. I snorted quietly as I braved another step. Me, a responsible adult? Yeah, right. Keep dreaming, Swanson. Keep fucking dreaming.

“Why is there so many stairs?!” I complained. “Why the hell are we living on the third floor when we could live in the basement?!” Next time I’m moving, I’ll find a basement apartment. Definitely. Best idea ever. No stairs and darkness twenty four seven. Should be right up my street. 

“Okay... almost there,” I moaned as I reached the second floor. I could do this. Of course I could. No big deal. There’s just... A million more steps I need to take. No big deal at all. I’ve got this. If I can  
handle a bitch in the cab, I can handle this too.

I made it. I wasn’t completely sure how, but I made it to the third floor. I felt like I was dying, but I was also very triumphant. 

I patted my pockets, and there was a moment of panic as I searched for my key, but soon I found it at the very bottom of my pocket, and I could breathe normally again. 

I swiftly unlocked the door and stepped inside. My triumph was short lived when I managed to trip over a pair of abandoned shoes. “Ow! God damnit!”

The shoes were kicked aside, and I got back on my feet. Left the hallway while cursing slightly under my breath. I reached the kitchen and dumped my key into the little bowl on the table. Look at me remembering where the key goes. I’m awesome.

As I stumbled into the living room, I heard the first sound of rain, and I immediately felt sorry for the cab driver again. Imagine being stuck in the rain with her. I’m glad I’m not a taxi driver. 

I was aiming for getting safely into my room, but instead I just managed to stub my toe in the process. That’s what I get for thinking of that spoiled- 

A door was opened, and Angie came into the living room. Yawning, with tousled hair and wearing a tanktop and checkered pajama bottoms. 

“Urgh,” I said in greeting. 

Angie raised an eyebrow. Clearly the look on my face said everything. “Uh-oh, what happened?”

“Nothing, I just had to share a cab with a stuck up bitch. Did anyone call?”

“If you by “anyone” mean her-whose-name-must-not-be-mentioned, then the answer’s is no.” Angie said and tiredly rubbed a hand over her face. 

My mood plummeted some. Another night with no messages from Lily. 

Angie frowned, perhaps realizing that what she had said was a bit insensitive. Her face softened as she said: “I’m sorry, Mara.”

“Not as sorry as I am,” I said and tried to joke. But it felt as though my heart was breaking a little bit.

“She’s not worth it, Mara. You’re far too good for her anyway,” Angie said and reached out to touch my shoulder. 

“Tell that to the three fucking years I spend with her,” I muttered, and then cringed slightly. “I’m sorry. You’re only trying to help. I know.”

“Maybe you’ve had enough to drink?” Angie suggested. 

I laughed without any amusement. “I’ve definitely had enough to drink. I think I’m going to bed.”

“Good plan.”

“If I can get my clothes off that is,” I mumbled. If Lily had been here, she would have made a joke about helping me getting my clothes off. 

But Lily wasn’t here. And everything in me was screaming how wrong it was. 

“Let me know if you need any help,” Angie said and patted my shoulder. “I’d be happy to pick you up from the floor. Or bring you a barf bag.”

“Gross. Goodnight, Angie.”

“’Night, Mara. Sleep well.”

Not likely to happen. “You too.”

She went back to her bedroom, and I went into mine. The walls were blurring slightly around the edges, and I struggled to keep my eyes open as I pulled my plaid shirt off. After a bit of wrestling, my jeans followed suit and landed on the floor. Now I was supposed to change out of my tanktop and unhook my bra, but right now it felt like taking a trip to the moon would be easier. I managed to slide one bra strap down my shoulder before I gave up and fell face first onto the bed. 

“Urgh,” I muttered again. My mouth and nose were buried in the pillow, and I was suffocating slightly, but I really didn’t have the strength to lift my head. At all. My night had already been long enough as it was. 

“I don’t wanna go to work tomorrow!” I mumbled pathetically into the pillow. But seriously, what was the chances that Ingrid would accept whatever apology I could give? To her, you had to be damn near dying to take the day off. I loved my job, but my boss? Not so much. 

I wanted to sleep now. More than anything. But unfortunately, my mind found it appropriate to remind me of all the times Lily had been laying next to me. All the nights we had spend together in each other’s arms. All the times we had “I love you” to each other. Did that fucking not mean anything? Tears prickled in my eyes, and I sniffed noisily into the pillow. Pull yourself together, Swanson. Just because you’re drunk doesn’t mean that you should also be pathetic. Try to be a big girl about this. And go to sleep. I had to believe in the good old “everything will be better tomorrow”-saying. Had I been more naïve, I would totally have bought it. But I had never believed much in old sayings. That was more Lily’s thing. 

Lily this and Lily that. Bla, bla, bla, shut up! I groaned as I lifted my head, grabbed the pillow and then pulled it over my head. If I suffocated in my sleep, it would be my own fucking fault. But hey, at least  
I can’t go to work if I have suffocated in my sleep. I laughed far too loudly at my own joke, and I was almost waiting for Angie to knock on the wall to tell me to keep it down. But I couldn’t hear anything. Either the pillow was blocking all sound, or Angie was already asleep. 

Lucky her. I wish it was me. Without moving the pillow from my head, I reached behind me and grappled blindly for the covers. I could feel the goosebumps grow up my ass, and there was nothing worse than to be cold. 

I noted that my body was starting to feel heavier and heavier, and I more than welcomed the feeling. Oh please, let me fall asleep! I have to get up at six tomorrow!


	2. Hangover At Work

Why?

That was the general question running through my head when I was awakened by the screeching sound from my phone the next morning. Why, why, why?

Why did I decide that going out and getting wasted last night was a good idea? Why didn’t I listen to Angie when I pointed out that I had work today? And why hadn’t I decided to call in sick today instead of dragging myself through this hell?!

Why, why, why?

“Ugh,” I half-moaned as I reluctantly lifted my head from the pillow and scrambled to find my phone on the nightstand. “Make. It. Stop!” 

After a bit of shuffling around, I found the fucking phone, and I immediately switched the alarm off. Going back to sleep was tempting. Very, very tempting. Just five more minutes. Or ten. Or twenty. A half an hour. Yeah. Just a half an hour. I could make it. I would just have to skip breakfast and go for a speed shower....

“Mara!”

I groaned again and covered my poor ears when they were confronted with a rather ruthless knocking on the door. 

“Mara, it’s six am!” Angie called, sounding unreasonably awake and alert. “Get your ass out of bed!”

“Go away. I’m sick.”

“No, you’re not, but I’m pretty sure you will be when Ingrid fries your ass for being late!”

I moaned in dismay. Why was it that Angie was right? Damn it. I hate it when she’s right. 

“Mara!”

“Alright, alright! I’m up!” I hissed. “Please stop yelling!”

“I bought extra bacon,” Angie said, and any other morning that would have been enough to coax me out of bed, but today I wrinkled my nose as my stomach churned dangerously.

“That’s disgusting,” I said as I finally forced my unwilling body out of bed. “I’m not having any breakfast today.”

“Okay. Suit yourself,” Angie said and laughed shamelessly as she moved away from my bedroom door. 

I grumbled under my breath as I opened my dresser and found a pair of blue jeans, a grey V-neck t-shirt and a cable knitted sweater to put over it. I smelled like a bar. I would have to take a shower before consuming a much needed cup of coffee. I found a pair of boy shorts and a sports bra. Then I tumbled out of my room and into the bathroom. 

The shower head showed no mercy on me, and the water coming from it was ice cold. 

“Are you fucking kidding me?” I hissed. “Damn it!” we would have to call the janitor and have him check it out. Again. For the third time. Perfect. Sometimes the answer was yes. An apartment could be too cheap. 

I tapped my fist against the showerhead because oddly enough, that sometimes worked. But obviously not today, and I silently accepted the fact that todays shower was gonna be an ice cold one. Fucking marvelous.

But maybe it wasn’t such a bad thing after all. Cold showers meant hurry up, and if there was anything I had to do today, it was hurrying. I couldn’t be late for work. I just couldn’t. Ingrid was already having it out for me, and I didn’t want to give her a reason to boot me out. I needed this job, and I actually liked it too. 

I stepped out of the shower and quickly toweled myself off. Ran my fingers through my short hair and then scowled slightly at my blurry reflection. Why was it that women felt compelled to make major changes when something in their life went wrong? Two weeks after Lily had dumped me, I had gone to the hairdressers and asked her to “chop my hair off”. And that’s exactly what she had done. My once shoulder length caramel brown hair was now a mere memory. Angie had consoled me by saying that I looked like Mia Farrow. I didn’t agree. I did not look like Mia Farrow. I just looked horrible. This haircut made my eyes look too big, and my cheeks too hollow. I looked like a fucking alien. 

But I didn’t have time to despair over my appearance right now. I put on my underwear and wiggled into my jeans. Then I forced the tanktop over my still wet skin and pulled the sweater over it. I put on a tiny bit of mascara. Just to make myself look like I wasn’t totally dead, and then I added foundation to hide the dark circles under my eyes. There. Now nobody could see that I had been out drinking last night. 

Well, except for Angie. 

Said woman was waiting for me in the kitchen, and she shot me one look before proclaiming: “you look like shit, Swanson.”

“Thanks. You look pretty crappy too,” I deadpanned. “Have you made coffee?” 

“Yes, I have,” Angie said as she presented me with a large cup of black coffee. “Do you want a shot of whiskey in it to take the edge of things?” 

“Shut up,” I said and took the first sip. God, this stuff made the angels sing!

“I’m not gonna say ‘I told you so’...”

“So stop talking.”

“...But do you really think it was a good idea to stay out and drink last night?” Angie ruthlessly continued. 

“Probably not, but hey, it was worth it. I’ve slept a full night, and I haven’t thought about Lily for...... seven hours.”

“Don’t say her name!” Angie warned, and I laughed gratefully. Thank god for Angie and her never-failing sense of humor. She was the one who forced me out of the door every morning. She was the one who made sure that I didn’t stay on the couch and watch television instead of working. I owed her. I definitely owed her. 

“Do you think Ingrid will find new ways to torture you today?” Angie asked and suffocated a yawn behind her hand. 

“Mmmm, probably,” I said and took another deep slurp of my coffee. I envied Angie. She wasn’t forced to see Ingrid Peterson every day. Working at the Juicy Bits magazine was amazing, but it came with a price. And that price was Ingrid Peterson. Of Swedish decent, now living in Hollywood, founder and editor in chief for Juicy Bits. The number one gossip magazine in Hollywood. I had worked there for four months, and it was still an absolute mystery to me where Ingrid found her sources. For some reason, she managed to get close to all the shining stars in Hollywood. Everyone at Juicy Bits admired Ingrid and were deadly afraid of her at the same time. And Ingrid liked it that way. She liked spreading fear when she popped out of her office to see how her “employees” were doing. Angie jokingly called her “Miranda” after the horrible boss from The Devil Wears Prada, and that description wasn’t that far off actually. While Ingrid was a bit younger, she certainly bore some resemblance to Miranda Priestley. I was the newest reporter on Juicy Bits, and I mostly tried to keep my head down whenever Ingrid was close by. I wasn’t interested in getting into trouble with my boss. Ingrid was infamous for firing her employees without much warning and getting fired was the last thing I needed right now. I needed this job. It was the only stable thing in my life right now, and I was willing to walk through fire to keep it if that was what Ingrid asked of me. 

I downed the rest of my coffee. “I better get a move on, otherwise Ingrid will kill me, and you’ll have to come and identify my body.”

Angie chuckled. “Have a good day. And try not to look too hungover.”

“Roger that.”

I made it downtown in fine time. I was actually pretty impressed with myself.

As I went inside, I found all my colleagues sitting at their desks. Some of them were buried in their laptops and tapping away while others were in the middle of conducting phone interviews. I myself had   
an article to finish about an actor who had been spotted with a mysterious brunette several times now, and yesterday Ingrid had finally found out the name of the brunette. She had been triumphant, and I had been pleased. This article was a pretty big deal, and I couldn’t wait to finish it and open the newest edition of Juicy Bits to read it. 

But before I went over to my desk and buried myself in today’s work, I stopped by Melanie’s desk. She had her own laptop out, and I was just about to teasingly accuse her of not-working when I saw she was scrolling through Instagram, but then I realized it wasn’t her own Instagram she was scrolling through. 

“Tanya Goldstein, huh?” I said as I immediately recognized the photo of the glamorous young blonde on Melanie’s computer screen. Tanya Goldstein could have been your very classic “bombshell” blonde with a body everyone envied and deep grey eyes. But what effectively made her stand out, was her striking resemblance with Grace Kelly. “The modern Grace Kelly”, most reporters had dubbed her.

“Mmm,” Melanie said. She looked a bit nervous. 

“When’s the interview again?” I asked took an extra glance at the picture of Tanya Goldstein. She was wearing a pink dress and was posing in front of her set chair. Underneath the picture she had simply written “set life” and #LoveMeNot, the name of the show. I shook my head a little. She had uploaded that picture about an hour ago, and there were already 44.000 comments. I shamelessly leaned in to read over Melanie’s shoulder. Tanya Goldstein’s fans were... enthusiastic, to say the least. ‘Oh my god, is that the dress Celeste is gonna wear in the next episode???’ had one written, while another had written: ‘Tanya, I love you so fucking much, you are the light of my life!’ and another had written: ‘please don’t ever stop playing Celeste Bellamy! She is such an inspiring character!’

“It’s tomorrow,” Melanie said and clicked away from Tanya’s newest picture. “And I’m officially starstruck.” 

I laughed. “You’ll do fine. Relax.”

“Easy for you to say,” Melanie huffed. “I’m afraid I’ll either ramble like an idiot or not be able to say anything at all.”

I laughed again. “You do know she’s just a human, right?”

“Wrong. She’s Tanya Goldstein.” Melanie said almost gravely. 

I shook my head, but I could sort of understand what she meant. I too followed the series Love Me Not religiously, and so did Angie. She was even more invested in the show than I was, and she was a huge admirer of Tanya Goldstein. 

Melanie scrolled down some and found another picture of Tanya Goldstein. This was taken a few days ago, and she was wearing a grey dress and a scarf, one of her “Celeste Bellamy”-outfits. In the picture she was hanging by Alexander Scott’s arm. Alexander Scott played Julian Lawrence, Celeste Bellamy’s love interest, underneath the picture she had simply written “my man” and tagged ‘Bellarence’, the couples official “ship name”. And naturally enough, the picture had gain many, many likes and oh, so many comments. ‘Pls marry each other and have beautiful babies’, someone had written. ‘Ugh, either start dating this man, or stop teasing us’, had another fan written, and yet another had smartly remarked: ‘guys, she knows exactly what she’s doing!’. Followed by lots of moaning emojis and laughing faces. 

“Trying to keep you updated on what she’s doing?” I guessed as Melanie began scribbling down notes. 

“Exactly,” Melanie said. “I have to think of actual questions to ask her, since I can’t just ask her for spoilers about the new season.”

“I’d probably do that,” I admitted. The first season of “Love Me Not” had ended on a very frustrating note. After twenty two episodes, Celeste and Julian were finally about to admit their attraction to each other when Michael Prescott, Celeste’s ex-boyfriend unexpectedly showed up and interrupted them. Angie had almost been in tears when she had proclaimed that they couldn’t end the season like that. 

“Do you think it’s appropriate for me to ask her if ‘Bellarence’ is a thing?” Melanie asked jokingly. 

“Nope, probably not,” I said. 

“Ugh, fine. I’ll ask her how she feels about being nominated for a Golden Globe instead then,” Melanie said a bit absentmindedly as she scribbled down a few more notes and then scrolled backwards through Tanya Goldstein’s Instagram. 

With the hangover I was having, I could easily have lived with spending my workday like this. Glancing over Melanie’s shoulder while she looked at pictures of Tanya Goldstein, but my dreams were shattered when a door was opened, and Ingrid came out of her office. “Swanson,” she said too loudly, and my head instantly throbbed in response. “How is that article coming along?” 

“Almost done,” I lied, and Melanie raised an eyebrow. 

Ingrid wasn’t that easily swayed. “I suggest you get a move on. We have a deadline in three hours, and I don’t tolerate half-cooked articles.” With that she disappeared into her office again. Most likely to engage in another important phone call with a very important person. 

“Right then,” I muttered as I scuttled away from Melanie’s desk and made it over to my own. I sat down on the creaking office chair and cringed. The sound made my head throb again. Then I found my laptop in my bag and suffocated a sigh as I opened it, tapped in my password and then opened the half-written article. Better get a move on, Swanson.

My head throbbed again. I had a feeling it was gonna be a very, very long day. 

And it was. 

I had trouble with staying awake, and I caught myself yawning several times as I wrote the article. My head was throbbing, and my stomach was tightening uncomfortably because I hadn’t had any breakfast. 

Twice I had caught myself nodding over my laptop, and once time I had almost fallen off the chair. God damn it. I was never going out drinking again. That much was certain. 

I mostly tried to keep my head down and mind my own business when Ingrid emerged from her office to spread terror amongst her employees. The article wasn’t terribly difficult to write, though. My fingers took over and my mind started to drift. I wonder if Lily has tried to call? I bit back a sigh. I already knew the answer. No, she hasn’t. We had broken up a month ago, and since then I had heard absolutely zilch from her. That was apparently how easy it was for her to just walk away from a three year long relationship with me. Fuck her. No, fuck Ursula for taking her away from me!

I bit back another sigh. And fuck me for not fighting harder for her. Fuck me for just accepting that she was leaving. But deep down I knew that I hadn’t exactly done that. I had begged Lily to not leave me. I had been in tears. So had she, but my tears hadn’t stopped her. I had only gotten one lousy “I’m sorry”, and poof, Lily was gone. Just like that. Three years of relationship flushed down the toilet. 

I felt like I had been flushed down the toilet too. My head was fucking killing me, and my stomach kept tying in knots. I should have listened to Angie and had something to eat before leaving. But the thought about food had been even worse on my stomach. Never would I go out and drink again. At least not until next Friday. 

Maybe I should be worried about that. Ever since the breakup with Lily, I had been more and more fond of going out and drinking. Hadn’t Angie mentioned it once or twice too? I was pretty sure she had. I would have to stop drinking. It didn’t solve anything. It didn’t make Lily come back to me, and it definitely didn’t make me feel any better. Especially not the morning after. 

I’m giving up alcohol, I decided as I typed in another sentence. And dating. That’s right, I was giving up both alcohol and women. I was done. Lily had been the love of my life, and now she had left me. 

What was the point in going on new dates? No one would ever compare to sweet, gentle Lily. God, the idea that Ursula now got to hear her laugh every morning made me even sicker than before. It wasn’t fair.

And it wasn’t fair that I was sitting in this office instead of being home in my bed watching Netflix. 

I just wanted to go home and sleep. Was that too much to ask?

My workday went by so slowly, but finally, the hands on the enormous clock on the wall indicated that it was five in the afternoon. I was free to go. And I happily did. Now it was time to go home and nurse my hangover. 

But before I left, I stopped by Melanie’s little workstation. She was still googling and researching for her interview with Tanya Goldstein. 

“Good luck with your interview tomorrow, Mels,” I said as I flashed her a smile. 

“Don’t say it,” Melanie moaned. “Don’t talk about it. You’ll end up jinxing it.”

I laughed a little. “How can talking about it end up jinxing it?”

“It will,” Melanie said gravely. “I’ll mess up. I know I will. I’ll mess up and Ingrid will fire me, and no magazine will ever be interested in hiring me again.”

“Woah, easy there, judgement day proclaimer,” I half laughed and shook my head. “You’ll be great. You always are. Why should this be any different?”

“Because she’s Tanya Goldstein,” Melanie said and looked a little sick.

“Yeah, and you’re Melanie Ramirez,” I said plainly. “You’ll do great.”

Melanie didn’t look one bit convinced, so I chose another tactic. 

“You think Ingrid would have asked you to do the interview if she thought you couldn’t do it?”

“Yes, maybe. I mean, she is pretty sadistic-“

“Melanie.”

“Alright, fine. She probably wouldn’t,” Melanie surrendered. 

“See?” I said and flashed her an encouraging smile. “You’re a professional, and Ingrid knows that. You’ll do fine. And afterwards you can brag to rest of us about how you’ve interviewed Tanya Goldstein.”

“And survived it,” Melanie dryly joked. 

“Don’t be ridiculous,” I laughed. “Of course you’ll survive it.”

“We’ll see about that. Thanks for the encouragement, though.”

“No, problem,” I said. “Tell you what, why don’t we all go out for drinks once the interview is published? To celebrate it.”

“I like that idea,” Melanie smiled and then looked up at the enormous clock above us. “Shouldn’t you be on your way home now, though?”

“I should, but I’m totally stalling,” I said, offering her a grin. It was a bit complicated. Yes, I wanted to go home to Netflix and my bed and duvets. But I didn’t want to go home to the empty apartment where nobody was waiting for me. Where nobody would greet me with a “hey, baby, how was work today?”. Where no welcome home kisses would be offered, and where my nostrils wouldn’t be filled with the smell of cake as I hugged her and buried my nose in her hair. 

“Everything okay?” Melanie asked and looked up from her research.

“Yeah,” I said quickly and smiled again. “Everything is fine. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“Yeah,” Melanie said and nodded. 

“And I wanna know how the interview went,” I continued. “I wanna know what Tanya Goldstein is really like.”

“Well, tomorrow she’ll probably be in shock over how Juicy Bits could send such a stupid reporter to interview her,” Melanie joked. 

“Bullshit. See you tomorrow.”

“Yeah. See you.”

I chuckled slightly as I left the office. 

*******************

The apartment was indeed empty when I came back. Angie wasn’t coming back until six, I knew how busy she was on Mondays. For some reason, Monday was one of her busiest day. Maybe it was because everyone felt guilty for drinking in the weekend and now wanted to “prove” they were good people by forcing themselves through a yoga class. Either way, Angie’s yoga classes were always overrun on Mondays.

Yoga. Maybe that was something. Maybe I should actually try that sometimes. 

But not today. I wasn’t a complete sadist. I rubbed my temples. The headache was still killing me. Maybe I shouldn’t have suggested to go out and have drinks to celebrate Melanie’s interview. Maybe that had been a bad idea. 

Or maybe not. It seemed as though alcohol was the only thing that got me through it these days. I rubbed my temples again. I would have to find another method to get through this. It wasn’t good for me. I groaned a little. You’re twenty eight, Swanson. You’re too fucking old to throw a teenage fit just because your girlfriend dumped you.

Dumped me. In favor of someone else. Ouch. The thought alone made me want to go drink again. 

But drinking was not on my schedule. Quite the contrary. Now was the time to nurse my hangovers. And preferably have something to eat too. My appetite had finally resurfaced, and I was absolutely starving. 

The sight that met me when I opened the fridge was absolutely discouraging, though. We had carrots, bread and a bag of brown bananas. And a slice of lasagna. It was always the same at the end of the month. I sighed gravely as I grabbed the plate with lasagna. It was better than not eating anything at all. Obviously, I had forgotten to shop on my way home from work. Now it was up to Angie. While the lasagna re-heated in the microwave, I send her a quick text, reminding her to buy groceries on her way home from work. 

When the microwave dinged, I took the lasagna out. I didn’t even wait until it had cooled down, and I cursed as I burned my tongue on the first bite. My laptop dinged too. I ignored it. It was probably Ingrid, informing me of some new article I had to write tomorrow. She can wait, I decided as I defiantly turned my back on the laptop as I walked into the living room with the plate of lasagna in hand. 

I ended up in front of the television. Right now, Netflix was the answer to all my prayers. Netflix and this slice of lasagna. It was probably because of all that talk about Melanie’s upcoming interview with Tanya Goldstein that made me choose “Love Me Not” amongst all the possibilities in the series selection. I could handle re-watching the first season again. I could handle a night of seeing Tanya Goldstein prance around on my television screen, playing Celeste Bellamy and doing a damn fine job at it. 

I took another bite of my lasagna as the opening scene flickered across the television screen. Celeste Bellamy was waking up in her hotel bed, wearing nothing but a flimsy nightgown. Yes, I could definitely handle this. In fact this was just what my hangover needed....


	3. You Have To Be Kidding Me....

Next day started out exactly as shitty as the day before, but not because I was drunk.

No, I overslept and stumbled out of bed at 8:15 instead of six am. And I cursed like a sailor upon discovering my blunder. Damn it, Mara!

I more or less threw some clothes on and then stumbled into the hallway where I ended up colliding with Cooper. Which was a particularly nasty experience because said man was only wearing boxer shorts. 

“Oomph,” he said as he stumbled backwards and ended up against the wall.

“I’m sorry about that,” I said and cringed slightly. “But I’m really in a hurry!”

“No problem,” Cooper said and then smirked as she turned his head and said: “Angie! Your roommate pushed me up against the wall again!”

“Shut up,” I muttered. 

The door to Angie’s bedroom opened, and Angie poked her head out. Her dark hair was completely tousled, and you didn’t have to speculate long to know exactly how she and Cooper spend the night. 

“What the hell are you still doing here?” she asked and raised an eyebrow. “It’s after eight!”

“I know it’s after eight,” I half-snapped as I rushed inside the bathroom and slammed the door behind me. I brushed my teeth in top speed, brushed my hair and once again cursed myself for ever having let a scissor near it. Mia Farrow, my ass. I look like a gremlin. I huffed as I applied just a dash of mascara to my lashes, a bit of lip balm. My lips were chapped, but I didn’t have time to put on any lip gloss. Lip balm would have to suffice today. 

I brushed a hand over my ripped jeans, pursed my lips slightly as I eyed the grey tanktop I had chosen today. I scoffed a little. Chosen was definitely a stretch. I hadn’t exactly chosen this tanktop specifically. I had just picked it up from the floor and thrown it on. 

I looked like a right mess, but there was little I could do about it. I didn’t have time to change into something else. And I didn’t have time for breakfast either. Or coffee. 

That was a disaster. I knew I was in for a serious scolding from Ingrid, and to receive that scolding without having had any coffee......

This was definitely not morning. 

The weather was grey, so I quickly grabbed my old and well-worn denim jacket. I grabbed my laptop and more or less shoved it into the bag. Then I rushed into the hallway and forced my feet into my boots. 

Cooper had clearly gone back to bed, but Angie was awake and alert and still wearing a nightshirt as she came into the hallway and shot me a disapproving look. “No breakfast?”

“Nope,” I said as I quickly tied my boots. “I don’t have time.”

“Mara, breakfast is-“

“The most important meal ever. I know. But I don’t have time. I’ll buy something in my lunch break, okay? Chill out, Ms. Yoga teacher.”

Angie raised an eyebrow. “You are pretty nasty in the morning. You know that, right?”

“That’s probably because my night wasn’t half as fun as yours was,” I said and smirked to make up for my harshness. 

Angie smirked a little herself. “Shut up.”

“I didn’t know Cooper was stopping by,” I teased. “You didn’t tell me.”

“That’s because I didn’t know,” Angie said and shrugged lightly. “He just stopped by.”

“So you guys are serious now?” I asked nonchalantly, already knowing the answer.

“God no,” Angie said. “Not at all. We’re just-“

“Friends with benefits?” I suggested innocently.

She scowled at me. “You know I don’t like that term.”

“Right. Sorry.” I tried to suffocate a smile. Maybe Angie didn’t like that term, but friends with benefits were exactly what she and Cooper were. There were no other “terms” you could use. 

“Shut up,” Angie said again. 

“I didn’t say anything.”

“I could hear you think.”

I laughed. “Of course you could.”

“Just to go work, will you?” Angie muttered as she turned her back on me, and I was ninety five percent sure I heard her say something that sounded like “I hope Ingrid will roast your late ass!”

I laughed but cringed all the same. There was a very fair chance that Ingrid would do just that. 

I quickly grabbed my bag and then yelled a quick goodbye to Angie. And Cooper. 

To my surprise, Ingrid wasn’t on the warpath when I showed up. In fact she wasn’t even there. And the door to her office was closed. I nearly fist pumped the air as I quietly slinked inside the room. I took the opportunity to roam through Melanie’s drawer and steal a couple of the biscuits she always kept there. I felt a little bad with stealing from her, but I couldn’t very well ask her when she wasn’t here. She had already left for her interview with Tanya Goldstein. 

I found my own desk and sat down, happily munching on my stolen biscuit. Then I opened the bag and found my laptop in it. Now it was time to check my email and see what I had to do today. I could hear Ingrid speak rather loudly in her office. She was probably on the phone with some poor bastards. I felt sorry for them. Whoever they were, they most likely hadn’t deserved the treatment Ingrid was giving them right now.

I stuffed another biscuit into my mouth and munched on it as I opened my laptop, tapped in my password and then logged into my email account to see if I had missed something. I hadn’t really had the opportunity to check my email last night. I had completely keeled over. And then overslept this morning. I rolled my eyes. Despite having dodged the “Ingrid bullet”, I still wasn’t satisfied with that.   
Speaking of Ingrid bullets.... 

The door to her office slammed open, and the ice queen herself stepped out. To my utmost horror, she made a waving gesture at me, clearly indicating that she wanted to see me in her office. And that never went well. 

“Uh-oh,” Boris whispered theatrically behind me. He had seen me slink into the office two hours late.

“Shut up.” I hissed through gritted teeth and I rose from my seat and then found one of my “I’m a professional”-smiles for Ingrid. I crossed the floor and then went into her office. Still with the smile plastered to my face. 

“Mara,” Ingrid said as I closed the door to her office. “Melanie just called me. I’m not sure how it’s possible to be that clumsy, but either way, she just told me that she fell in the shower this morning and is therefore indisposed.”

“Oh, that’s really-“

“Which means you’re on for the Tanya Goldstein interview,” Ingrid interrupted.

“What?” I said dumbly. “But I’m working on another story right now!”

“Boris will finish that,” Ingrid said dismissively. “Now chop-chop. Tanya Goldstein is a busy woman, and we were lucky to get this interview. Don’t disappoint me. Goodbye.”

“But-“

“Time is money, Ms. Swanson,” Ingrid said and nodded towards the door. 

Right then. “I’ll just...” I turned around to leave the office but paused with one hand on the doorknob. Turned around once more and asked: “is she okay?”

“Is who okay?” Ingrid asked absentmindedly as she roamed through the stack of papers on her desk. 

“Melanie,” I clarified. “Is she okay?”

“Oh.” Ingrid looked up and frowned slightly. “I didn’t ask. But she was well enough to be on the phone, so I suppose she’ll live. Now off you pop. It wouldn’t look good if you were late.” 

The conversation was clearly over, and I turned around and left her office. Then I quickly grabbed my laptop. I could see that Melanie had send me the questions for the interview. God bless her. 

***********

Tanya Goldstein was currently residing on The Ritz Carlton hotel, which was a twenty minute drive from the Juicy Bits headquarter, so it was entirely possible that I was speeding slightly as I drove towards my destination. It was reckless, and had there been a cop nearby, I would have been pulled over, but right now I was more afraid of my boss than I was of getting a ticket. That was how strong an influence Ingrid had on you. She gave you a right “fuck the police”-attitude. 

As I drove, I recited the questions in my head. I’ve only had about five seconds to look at the questions, but I could still remember a few of them. What’s the biggest risk you’ve taken that you feel has paid off? What accomplishments are you most proud of? What’s your favorite tv show? What’s your goal this year? What made you decide to play the role of Celeste? What is it about Celeste that makes her so relatable?

All of them good questions. And definitely Ingrid-approved too. She felt very strongly about what she called “bland” questions. And she had spend a lot of time ensuring that Juicy Bits was “different”.

A car honked aggressively as I cut it off. I gave an awkward little wave out of the window. Sorry mate, but I’m running late. Maybe the driver would call the cops on me. If that was the case, they would have to wait to arrest me until after I had interviewed Tanya Goldstein. I had to make it worth something. 

I chuckled a little to myself. Of course I was slightly concerned about Melanie, but on the other hand this was a huge opportunity for me. If this interview went well, Ingrid would start to notice me. In the right way. It could be a career boost. 

The Carlton Ritz was this enormous grey building, and it was almost impossible to find a parking spot. It had clearly slipped out that Tanya Goldstein was staying on the hotel, because there was a right crowd outside. Most of them were females, and most of them were clutching on to pictures of Celeste Bellamy, clearly hoping to get Tanya Goldstein’s autograph. 

I elbowed my way through the crowd and went inside the lobby where I was immediately stopped by a suit-wearing guy. 

“Can I help you, miss...?”

“Swanson. Mara Swanson. I’m here to interview Tanya Goldstein.”

Suit guy raised his eyebrow, indicating that he didn’t believe me. “Press card, please.”

I quickly reached within the pocket of my denim jacket and found my press card and handed it to the guy. 

He thoroughly inspected it before handing it back to me. “Everything seems to be in order. Please follow me, I’ll take you to Miss Goldstein.”

“Thank you.”

I followed suit guy into the elevator. He pressed the “two” and “four” button. We were clearly going up. I felt a slight pull somewhere behind my navel as the elevator moved. There was a slight whirring sound. 

Suit guy didn’t say much, but I was sure he was glancing at me when I looked away. Maybe he was Tanya Goldstein’s bodyguard or something like then. But then again, if he were Tanya Goldstein’s bodyguard, he probably would have stayed with her, right? 

After a bit more whirring, the elevator stopped, and both suit guy and I stepped out. He immediately went over to a brunette woman and said something I couldn’t hear. Then he disappeared down the hallway. 

“Please take a seat,” the brunette woman said and flashed me a smile. “Tanya will be ready for you in a few minutes.”

I sat down in the luxurious long leather couch and busied myself with looking out of the window. Damn. That is some view. I could imagine how amazing the view was at night. Did a busy woman like Tanya Goldstein have time to stop and admire the view? Probably not, but I still kind of hoped she had. This view was simply too good to miss. 

While I waited for Tanya Goldstein to show up, I tapped my foot up and down. Shifted a bit on the leather couch. Good thing I wasn’t wearing a skirt. I could vividly imagine how the leather would stick to the back of my thighs. 

I stretched my neck to look at the brunette who was still hovering near the hallway. Was she another one of Tanya Goldstein’s employees?

“Miss Manson? Miss Goldstein is on her way,” the brunette woman said and flashed me a toothpaste smile. 

“Thank you,” I said and raised an eyebrow as I found my laptop in the bag. Miss Manson? Since when is my name miss Manson?

But I didn’t get a chance to ponder further about that little mystery. Tanya Goldstein stepped inside the lounge area, and she looked so good I immediately felt horrible about myself. She was wearing a black V-neck dress with long sleeves. One of those bodycon dresses I would never force my body into, but Tanya Goldstein was one of those women who could easily wear it. The dress ended a good few inches up her thighs, and I immediately felt sorry for her. She was gonna get “leather couch”-burns after this. Her long blonde hair was swept into a high ponytail. That made me feel a little bit sorry for her too. That had to hurt her head badly. 

But mostly I just felt sorry for myself. Apart from my unfortunate haircut, I felt that I looked pretty decent. Maybe even good, but Tanya Goldstein had just effectively punctuated that. It was impossible to feel good about yourself when she stood there and looked like a perfect mixture of all the classic movie stars. It was like Grace Kelly, Marilyn Monroe, Katharine Hepburn and Brigitte Bardot had gotten a baby. Fuck. She was beautiful. And devastatingly so. 

“Hello. Sarah Manson?” she said, and I immediately picked up on how different her voice sounded “in real life”. She clearly changed it a bit when playing the role of Celeste Bellamy. 

“Actually, it’s Mara Swanson,” I corrected. 

“Oh. My assistant just said...”

“It’s fine,” I said quickly. “You don’t meet many Mara’s these days.” as I spoke, I stood from the leather couch and extended a hand out towards her. 

“Nice to meet you. Shall we sit down so you can ask your questions?” Tanya suggested. “Do you need anything before we begin? Coffee? Tea? Something else?”

“No thanks. I’m good,” I said. 

Tanya sat down across me, and I could faintly see how she elegantly crossed her legs under the table. 

“Firstly, thank you for taking your to do this interview,” I said a bit formally as I opened my laptop and tapped in my password.

“Of course. It’s not a problem at all.” 

There was a slight edge in her voice, and I quickly looked up. She was looking at me, no staring at me. I raised an eyebrow. Why was she staring at me? Did I have a huge stain on my shirt? I looked down.   
Nope. No stain. Had I missed a button? I glanced down once more. Nope. I looked pretty tidy. Not compared to her, obviously, but still, I didn’t think her staring was justified. 

“So... Firstly, how are you doing right now?” I asked. 

“I’m doing quite well thank you,” Tanya said. She was still staring at me. 

“Good. That’s good to hear. How is the shooting going for season two of Love Me Not?”

“It’s going very well,” Tanya said. 

“Season one quickly became incredibly popular,” I continued. “Had you counted on that when you said yes to play Celeste Bellamy?”

“No,” Tanya said. “I honestly thought the series would be cancelled after two episodes.”

“Really?” I said and chuckled. “Why is that?” 

“Because it’s somewhat more risqué than what Netflix normally accepts,” Tanya said. She was frowning now. And she was still looking at me.

I had watched Love Me Not about a million times already. I knew how Tanya Goldstein spoke, but there was still something that tickled my brain. Something I couldn’t quite pinpoint. 

“I see,” I said a bit distractedly. “What made you accept the role in the first place?”

“Well, I read the script and I immediately felt connected to Celeste,” Tanya said. “She’s interesting without ever becoming unrealistic.”

“And do you think that’s what makes her so relatable?” I asked. “She does go through many things in the first season, but she still manages to be so... real.”

“I believe that Celeste could have been played in many different ways,” Tanya said. “This is just my way of interpreting her. And I think her realistic view on things is what makes her so easy to identify with.”

Something tickled at the back of my mind again, but I did my best to ignore it as I said: “well, to be honest I love Celeste’s way of reacting. I mean, the way she threw that plate against the wall when Jennifer backstabbed her was completely spot on.”

“Thank you. I particularly enjoyed shooting that scene,” Tanya said. “It was very fun.” There was that edge of something sharp in her voice again. 

I looked up from my laptop where I had been scribbling down her answers. She was still looking at me, and now her deep blue eyes were squinting slightly. 

I returned her stare. Why is she staring? And what is it about her voice that makes me feel like something is wrong?

I reminded myself that I was in the middle of an interview, and I quickly looked back at the screen to continue. 

“Besides hopefully winning a Golden Globe, do you have any goals this yea-“

“I’m sorry, but did you by any chance take a cab this Sunday night?” Tanya interrupted.

I blinked in confusion over the sudden question. “Yes, I.... I did.”

“And did you by any chance end up sharing the cab with a brunette?” Tanya continued, and her voice changed just a bit. “A brunette you proceed to tell of quite profusely. A brunette you referred to as a spoiled princess? And then you told her that she had a stick in her ass?” 

My mouth went dry as I finally connected the dots. I may have been drunk that night, but I had no problem with remembering that the brunette had asked to be taken to The Carlton Ritz. 

Tanya Goldstein was staying at The Carlton Ritz. And the “brunette” I had referred to as a “spoiled princess” hadn’t actually been a brunette. 

Wait. Hold the fuck up. I had heard that voice before. It didn’t take me long to realize exactly when and where. In that cab that night. Fuck. I had shared a cab with Tanya Goldstein without even knowing. I had told Tanya fucking Goldstein off without knowing it. In fact I had come frighteningly close to calling her a bitch. Shit.

“Ring any bells?” Tanya said sardonically. 

“I-“

“I knew I had seen you somewhere before, I couldn’t just remember where,” Tanya interrupted. “Until you opened your mouth, that is.”

“I... I was pretty drunk that night,” I said, knowing full well that it sounded exactly like what it was. A terrible excuse. 

“That may be, but I always make a point out of having a good relationship with reporters, and I don’t have a good relationship with you. I’m afraid we’ll have to end this interview now. And you’ll have to ask your superior to send a different reporter,” Tanya said as she rose from the leather couch. 

“Hey now,” I protested. “I know I said many shitty things that night, but-“

“I’m sorry, but I can’t be interviewed by a reporter whom I don’t have a strictly professional relationship with,” Tanya said. 

“Give me a chance,” I begged. “You can’t judge me for something I said when I was drunk!”

“As far as I recall, you were awfully busy judging me.”

“Because I was drunk! And to be honest, you were giving that cab driver a hard time over nothing!” as soon as I had said it, I knew that I had just successfully managed to put my foot in my mouth. Again.   
Tanya’s golden eyebrow rose. “Very professional. I think we’re done here.”

“But-“

“Goodbye, miss Manson,” she interrupted and turned her back on me. Then she walked out of the lounge area, and suit guy showed up out of nowhere. 

“Fred, please show miss Manson out,” Tanya said. “We’re all done.”

“Yes, miss Goldstein.”

“It’s Swanson!” I called after her, but she didn’t react. Instead she disappeared down the hallway. 

Suit guy, who apparently was called “Fred”, turned his attention to me: “come along, miss Manson. I’ll help you past the crowd outside.”

“It’s Swanson,” I muttered as I packed my things and went after him. Damn it. Ingrid was gonna love me now!


	4. Hell, old friend, we meet again

Sure, my big fat mouth had gotten me in trouble a lot over the years, but today was definitely one of the worse ones. 

Fred the suit guy didn’t say much as he escorted me into the elevator, but I could tell from the look he gave me that he knew I had done something to upset Tanya Goldstein. 

I silently cursed as I was escorted out on the parking lot. I definitely felt bad about what had happened, and yeah, I felt annoyed that my drunk self hadn’t been able to keep my mouth shut that night. But at the same time I felt defiant. Tanya Goldstein hadn’t been entirely fair. She couldn’t just refuse to be interviewed by me because of something I had said when I was drunk. And she had treated that cab driver pretty lousy. And her chatter on the phone had been annoying. 

But I knew that Ingrid probably didn’t give two shits about my weak defense. No, I was the one at fault here. The interview with Tanya Goldstein was a big deal. It was something that Ingrid had spoken of for months and months now, next number of Juicy Bits was gonna be a special edition that focused entirely on Tanya Goldstein and her career. We had been lucky to get this interview because Tanya Goldstein was an extremely busy woman. And now there would be no interview. Because of me. Because I blew it. Damn it. 

“Fuck!” I cursed as I slammed the door to my car. How was I supposed to drive back to Juicy Bits’ headquarter and tell Ingrid what had happened? She was gonna devour me for this. Literally have my head.   
And quite possibly, I would be thrown out ass first. 

I considered it as I switched the engine on. Was this reason enough to fire me? 

I didn’t need to consider it for long. Yep. From Ingrid’s point of view it definitely was. Fucking shit. Why hadn’t I just apologized to Tanya Goldstein? Why hadn’t I tried to convince her that I actually was highly professional instead of pathetically trying to defend my drunken actions? Sometimes I was too idiotic for my own good. 

If I lost this job I would be screwed. If I lost this job, I wouldn’t be able to pay the rent. If I couldn’t pay the rent, I would have to move out of the apartment I shared with Angie. And if I moved out, and had no money, I would have no choice but to go back to Colorado. I shivered. No, that couldn’t happen. 

“Hey, Mara. You’re back early,” Boris observed as I stepped inside the circular room. 

“Yes I am,” I said, and my jaw clenched slightly. 

“How did the interview go?” Boris asked. “Is Tanya Goldstein as hot in real life?” 

Yes. And definitely bitchier too. “She was fine.”

Boris raised an eyebrow. “’fine?’ Seriously? That’s all you have to say?”

I shrugged lightly. 

“Did you get any pictures?” Boris asked. 

“No, I did not.”

“Oh. Okay. Anyway, tell me about her,” he said briskly and spun his office chair around so he could look at me. “We’re all curious. Isn’t that right?”

Everyone present in the room nodded eagerly, and suddenly I was the center of attention. 

“Well, she was-“

“Swanson! A moment in my office, please.” 

I wasn’t completely sure what was worst. Being questioned by my colleagues or face the music in Ingrid’s office. Either way that was exactly what I had to do right now. I flashed Boris a little smile, and then I turned around and went up the three steps to Ingrid’s office. The door was half-open. Ingrid always did that when she was expecting you. 

Ingrid was sitting behind her desk, still going through the stacks of papers while simultaneously writing on her laptop. She looked up when I quietly cleared my throat to announce myself. Her eyebrow was raised in that way, and her green eyes were gleaming dangerously. 

“For an interview that was supposed to take at least an hour, you’ve concluded it awfully fast,” she said as she tapped the keyboard, and her laptop made a sound indicating that she had just send an email. 

“I-“

“Will I be impressed because you’ve managed to conclude the interview so quickly, or will I be disappointed in a moment?” Ingrid asked plainly. 

I could feel my cheeks heat up. God, Ingrid knew exactly how to make you feel like a scolded schoolgirl. Sometimes I thought that she shouldn’t be working here. A BDSM dungeon where she could fully embrace her sadistic tendencies and flick a leather crop over her victims would have been better. 

“Well?” Ingrid prompted and folded her hands under her chin. I wondered if she knew how threatening she looked when she did that. 

“It didn’t... It didn’t go as planned,” I said and did my best to look at her and not my feet. 

“That much is obvious, miss Swanson,” Ingrid said. “Kindly explain what happened.”

“Miss Goldstein asked me to leave,” I said simply. 

Ingrid’s green eyes gleamed dangerously again. “And why is that?”

“She said that she couldn’t be interviewed by me, because her relationship with me wasn’t strictly professional.” 

“Elaborate,” Ingrid said plainly. 

“I shared a cab with her last Sunday night,” I admitted. “It was very late, and I was pretty, uhh... Pretty drunk. She was on her phone and giving the cab driver a hard time, and I might have... expressed my disdain very strongly.” 

One of Ingrid’s perfectly plucked eyebrow rose. “What did you say to her?”

“Ingrid-“

“What. Did. You. Say. To. Her?”

“I called her a spoiled princess,” I confessed. “And then I might have indicated that she had a stick up her-“

“Alright,” Ingrid interrupted. “That can be explained away as a drunken mishap, but now I’d like to know what you said to her today?”

Damn it. “I got defensive,” I said and shoved my hands into the pockets of my jeans. 

“You argued with her?”

“Yes, I did.”

“And I’m guessing she found that to be less than professional and then asked you to leave?”

“Yeah,” I muttered. “She told me to ask my superior to send another reporter to conduct the interview.”

“So we still have the interview,” Ingrid said, and her eyebrow returned to its normal position. 

“We do,” I confirmed and now wished more than ever than Melanie hadn’t tripped in the shower. “But just for the record, I didn’t know it was her that night in the cab. She was wearing a disguise.”  
Ingrid’s eyebrow rose again. “And what am I supposed to deduce from that, miss Swanson? That you would’ve had no qualms whatsoever with saying what you said if it hadn’t been Tanya Goldstein?”

“No! God, no! That wasn’t what I meant!” God damn it, Mara! Shut the fuck up and stop sticking your foot in your mouth for fucks sake!

“I think I’ve heard enough, miss Swanson,” Ingrid said plainly and picked up her phone from the table. Her brow was furrowed as she tapped on it. 

“Am I fired?” I asked plainly.

“No. Not this time. But one more blunder and I’ll have no other choice,” Ingrid said shortly. “Now make yourself scarce. I have to call Tanya Goldstein’s manager.”

“Her manager?”

Ingrid’s green eyes gleamed dangerously. “To apologize, miss Swanson. And to ensure that Juicy Bits does in fact have highly professional reports. Now kindly leave my office. Work on whatever else Melanie left behind before she slipped in the shower.”

I waited. Could barely believe my luck. I almost feared that Ingrid would change her mind and fire me anyway, but instead I saw her face light up in a sickening, professional smile as she trapped the phone between her ear and shoulder and then said: “Hello, Fred Weston? This is Ingrid Peterson from Juicy Bits. Yes. Exactly. I’m calling because of a very unfortunate incident that happened-“

Okay, that’s definitely my cue to leave. I hastily spun around and left Ingrid’s office. I didn’t dare looking back at my boss, and I kept my head down as I went back to the circular room and headed towards Melanie’s desk to see what half-finished articles she had left behind. 

“You in trouble?” Boris asked and looked at me over his glasses. 

“We’re working for Ingrid. Aren’t we all in trouble?” I asked, trying to be smooth and dodge his question. 

Boris sighed and rubbed his chin. “Mara, please don’t tell me you blew the Tanya Goldstein interview?!”

“We might have to make this day the official “Mara is an idiot”-day,” I said, once again not completely answering his question. 

But it was answer enough for Boris. “Oh my god,” he said plainly and shook his head. 

“I’m an idiot,” I dully acknowledged. 

“Let me say it this way.... I don’t think Ingrid will give you a Christmas gift this year,” Boris joked. 

I laughed. “A box of scorpions maybe?”

“Or a poisoned apple?” Boris suggested. 

“That might be a possibility too,” I said as I grabbed Melanie’s work iPad and tapped in her password to see what she had been working on before she slipped in the shower. And made me idiot of the day. Or month. Or year, judging by how Ingrid’s telephone call with Tanya’s agent went. 

I quickly went over Melanie’s half-written articles, and as I picked one, I began dreaming of a glass of wine. Or two. Or the whole damn bottle. Maybe not the smartest thing, considering alcohol was the reason for all this, but I felt as though I had deserved it. I had effectively just earned myself the top spot on Ingrid’s “hate list”.

I sighed as I tried to concentrate on finishing the article Melanie had started. Maybe I wouldn’t be allowed to make interviews anymore. It would probably be strictly desk jobs from now on. Ingrid had done that once before. Laura, one of the other reporters had screwed up, and Ingrid had made her do desk job for a month. I wonder how much desk job I had earned myself for this? A year? Two years?

I almost chuckled. God I was in so much trouble. I bowed my head over the half written article and began filling in the blanks. My fingers were eagerly tapping away, but my mind wasn’t in it at all. I was far too busy getting more and more annoyed at Tanya Goldstein and her high and mighty attitude. I don’t care that she’s a famous actress. I apologized to her. She shouldn’t have- I shook my head firmly. 

Stop right there, Swanson. You were the idiot who had to “defend yourself”. Why couldn’t you just have apologized and assured her that you’re not like this when you’re sober? What’s most important? Your pride or your job? 

My job. Definitely. Maybe Ingrid hadn’t fired me, but I definitely wouldn’t be send out on “important” jobs anymore. Which just so happened to be paying extra. God damn it! I would definitely crack open a bottle of wine when I got home. 

I sighed again, tapped in another sentence. I would have to force myself to concentrate. I couldn’t afford to screw up this article too. I had screwed up enough today as it was. Another toe out of line, and I will definitely be fired and thrown out on the street.

A tapping sensation on my shoulder told me that someone wanted to talk to me and when I spun around on the office chair, Boris was standing behind me. 

“What?” I said exasperated. I wasn’t in the mood to be teased. 

“Coffee?” he offered and nodded towards the coffee automat in the corner. “I’m just getting something for myself, and honestly, you look like you could need a cup too.”

“You’re a star,” I said gratefully. “I didn’t have any coffee this morning.”

“That much is obvious,” Boris said jovially. “Your eyes look a bit... empty.”

“I feel a bit empty,” I said. And that was definitely no joke. 

He chuckled. “You’re still here. That’s gotta count for something, right?”

“I suppose it does,” I agreed. “But it doesn’t really change that I messed up today.”

He patted my shoulder lightly on his way up to the coffee automat, and I didn’t really feel comforted. Not even in the slightest. Why does today have to be so shitty? But actually, it wasn’t just today that had been shitty. The past thirty days had been shitty. And all because Lily had broken up with me. If Lily hadn’t broken up with me, I wouldn’t have gone out and getting shitfaced last Sunday night. I wouldn’t have stumbled into a cab, and I definitely wouldn’t have argued with Tanya Goldstein. Damn. Why did Melanie have to fall in the shower today of all days?

But I couldn’t exactly blame Melanie for this. No, this one was all on me. I was the one who had screwed up magnificently. 

I forced myself to smile at Boris when he brought me a cup of coffee, and then I took a sip, bowed my head over my work and did my utmost to pull myself together. 

But I had barely written two lines before the door to Ingrid’s office opened again, and said ice queen poked her head out and said: “Swanson? A moment. Now.”

Woops, looks like I’m fired anyway. I took a deep sip of my coffee and then rose from my chair. I tried to hold my head high as I prepared myself to be told to gather my things and leave the building. 

I closed the door and then looked pending at Ingrid. She once again demonstrated her fondness for sadism as she took a moment to go scroll on her phone. After something that felt like hours, she looked up at me. 

“So. Tanya Goldstein wouldn’t accept my apology,” Ingrid said.

Oh, god. Shit. We just lost the interview. “I.... I see.”

“But she will however accept yours,” Ingrid continued. 

I blinked. “What’s that supposed to-“

“It’s supposed to mean that you will drive back to the hotel tomorrow and throw yourself at her feet,” Ingrid sternly interrupted. “You will give her a heartfelt apology for what happened today, and furthermore, you will apologize for what you said to her in that cab.”

“I-“

“I don’t care what you said and didn’t say,” Ingrid interrupted. “Nor do I care if you feel like your reaction was justified. You are a reporter, and I expect you to act professionally at all times.”

“Of course.”

“So, tomorrow you will drive back to the hotel and convince Tanya Goldstein that you are just that. A professional reporter who knows how to treat people. Especially celebrities.”

“Yes, of course. I will,” I said immediately. 

“And once you’re done apologizing to her, you’ll beg her for the chance to do another interview,” Ingrid said icily.

“How am I supposed to-“

“That is up to you,” Ingrid said and turned her attention back to her phone. “You are a reporter. Think creatively.”

“Right. Got it.”

“That’ll be all,” Ingrid said shortly. 

I nodded slightly and turned my back on her, but once I had reached the door she said: “Oh, and Swanson?”

I turned around again.

“Don’t blow this one,” Ingrid warned. 

By the time I could finally get into my car and drive back home, my head was aching. Today had literally been the worst, and I wished it could be acceptable for adults to just curl up in their beds and pretend they didn’t exist for a little while. 

I stared blankly at the road, and by the time I reached the familiar block of apartments, I felt so utterly drained. I quite literally had to drag my body out of the car.

And even worse was it to drag my body up to the third floor. I really hoped that somebody would fix that damned elevator. And preferably soon. 

I finally reached the apartment door and inserted the key in the lock. The door creaked slightly as I pushed it open, and for a moment I remained standing in the hall as I soaked up the feeling of finally being home. And finally being able to put this shit day behind me. I groaned as I tugged the denim jacket off my shoulders. Tomorrow was most likely gonna be worse. No, scratch that, I knew that tomorrow was gonna be worse. Throw myself at Tanya Goldstein’s feet and apologize. That was what Ingrid had said. That was what I was supposed to do tomorrow. Throw myself at Tanya Goldstein’s feet and apologize for being an awful and rude reporter. 

I almost laughed as I shook my head. Yeah, I really needed something to drink. I stomped into the kitchen, opened the fridge and then found a bottle of beer. Then I opened the drawer and cursed under my breath when I couldn’t find what I was looking for. 

“Angie? Have you seen the bottle opener?” 

Angie came into the kitchen and raised an eyebrow. “It’s barely after five, Mara.”

“I don’t care,” I said shortly. “I need something to drink, so please stop judging me and tell me where the bottle opener is.”

“Other drawer,” Angie said and nodded towards the drawer next to the one I was roaming in. 

“Oh,” I said and opened the drawer. The bottle opener was indeed there, and I quickly cracked the bottle of beer open and then took a sip. Mmm. That’s better.

As I slowly lowered the bottle again, I saw that Angie was still standing there. Her eyebrow was raised. 

“What?” I asked.

“Just waiting for you to tell me about your shitty day,” she said as she pushed a strand of dark hair behind her ear. 

“Where do you want me to start?” I said dramatically and took another slurp of the beer. 

“With the beginning.”

“Right.” I rolled my eyes. “Melanie fell in the shower and couldn’t do the Tanya Goldstein interview anyway, and guess who Ingrid asked to do it instead?”

Angie’s eyebrow rose again. “And how can meeting Tanya Goldstein possibly qualify as a “shitty day”? did you say something stupid to her?”

“Yes and no,” I said a bit bitterly as I took another gulp of the beer. “Do you remember that girl I shared a cab with last Sunday night? The one I told you about?”

“Yeah,” Angie said and nodded. “The one you called a stuck up bitch.”

I cringed and sought solace in another gulp of beer. Right. I did call her that, didn’t I?

“What about her?” Angie prompted and rubbed a spot on the back of her neck. Either she had overdone her yoga, or she and Cooper had explored new positions. 

“That was Tanya Goldstein,” I said dully and took an extra large gulp of my beer. 

“Are you shitting me?!”

“I wish I was,” I said bitterly. 

“Mara-“

“I didn’t know it was her, okay?! She was wearing a brunette wig.”

“Didn’t you recognize her voice?” 

“I was drunk!” I defended. But the excuse was starting to sound more and more hollow. 

“You told Tanya Goldstein off,” Angie said and shook her head like she couldn’t quite believe it. “Did she recognize you?”

“Oh yeah,” I nodded. “She sure did.”

“And.....?”

“And she asked me to leave because our relationship was no longer a professional one. Which I guess basically means that she didn’t want to be interviewed by the reporter who referred to her as a   
“spoiled princess.”

“Jesus, Mara,” Angie said and shook her head again. “Did Ingrid... No, she didn’t... Did she?”

“I still have a job,” I assured. “But I’m supposed to go back to the hotel tomorrow and apologize and assure Tanya that I actually am a professional reporter.”

“Damn,” Angie said. “And how exactly are you planning on doing that?”

“Well, I could start with apologizing for putting my foot in my mouth today.”

Angie’s eyebrow rose again. “What did you say to her today?”

I cringed a little at the accusation in her voice. “I might have indicated that the argument in the cab wasn’t just my fault.”

Angie palmed her forehead. “Mara…” 

”I know, alright? I know it was stupid! But she kept... She kept coming at me!”

“And why did you let yourself get annoyed by it?” Angie asked plainly. 

“I don’t know,” I admitted and shook my head. “It was stupid.”

“Very,” Angie immediately agreed. 

I snorted. “Thanks, Angie. Your support really means a lot.”

“You know me. I’m a fan of tough love.”

I shook my head. “Tell me how I’m supposed to apologize to her tomorrow?”

“Grovel.”

I laughed and accidentally inhaled the mouthful of beer through my nose. “Yeah, I’m sure she would enjoy that.”

“Then tell her you had a bad day last Sunday,” Angie said. “And for god’s sake don’t say anything stupid.”

“Right.” I could do that, couldn’t I? 

Of course I can. I can apologize and then do that interview without fucking up. No big deal.


	5. Mara Swanson, part time jester, full time idiot

Next day wasn’t much better. I could feel a muscle underneath my eye tremble in that particular way it always did when I had been “told off” by Ingrid. The “Ingrid”-tick, Boris had dubbed it, and I knew for a fact that I wasn’t the only one who suffered from “Ingrid”-ticks. I had seen Melanie’s hands tremble more than once when Ingrid was approaching, and even though it was kind of horrible, I felt glad that I wasn’t alone. 

But at least I didn’t oversleep this morning. I was even awake before the alarm on my phone went off at six AM exactly. And by six fifteen I was dressed. I had actually made an effort today. Had put on the nicest pair of jeans I owned paired with a stiff, white button down. The shirt felt kind of tight in my armpits and definitely too tight in the chest area, my breasts looked strangely big in this shirt, but I would just have to suck it up and act like I was completely zen with wearing this. I knew for a fact that Ingrid loved that you dressed “professional” and really “looked the part”, so that was exactly what I was planning on doing. I had screwed up yesterday, and I wanted to get back in Ingrid’s good graces. I wanted to prove to her that I was in fact a professional and good reporter. 

And I could do that by completing the interview with Tanya Goldstein. And give her an apology. The muscle underneath my eye trembled again, and I had to pause for a second with the mascara brush hovering dangerously close to my eye. I didn’t want to blind myself. And I didn’t want to apologize to Tanya Goldstein either. Not really. Because I didn’t feel like I had been completely wrong. She had been a royal pain in the butt that night in the cab, she had been obnoxiously loud when she was on the phone, and she had been attacking that poor cab driver for no apparent reason. But then again, I probably could have found a different way to tell her. Or better still, be mature and keep my mouth completely shut. That would have been good.

The muscle under my eye finally stopped twitching and I resumed applying mascara to my lashes. Apologizing to Tanya Goldstein. Of all the things in the world I could do, this was definitely not on top of my wish list. Why couldn’t she just accept Ingrid’s apologize on my behalf? That would have made my life so much easier....

I grinded my teeth slightly. 

Angie whistled as I came into the kitchen. “Well, well, look at that. Mara Swanson, looking all sharp and professional! And before nine AM.”

“Shut up,” I said and rolled my eyes. “Did you leave any coffee for me, or did you drink it all?” 

The look she shot me was pure indignation. “Yes, there’s still some coffee left, Ms. Grumpy.”

I rolled my eyes again. “I am not grumpy.”

“Nervous then?” Angie suggested as she took a sip of her own coffee. 

“About what?” I asked, feigning indifference. 

“Tanya Goldstei-iiiin,” Angie said dramatically. 

I laughed dryly. “I really don’t like apologizing. And I’m not particularly thrilled about her either, to be honest.”

“Blasphemy.” Angie said plainly.

I chuckled again. “Maybe. But she seemed kinda.... stuck up.”

“I’m gonna hit you in a moment,” Angie warned, and her eyes flashed as I dared to insult her “idol”. 

I laughed and sat my cup of coffee down and raised my hands in mock surrender. “Have mercy.”

“Stop insulting Celeste Bellamy then.”

“I’m not insulting Celeste Bellamy. I was complaining about Tanya Goldstein.”

“Well, don’t do that either,” Angie said plainly.

“Or what?”

“Or I will force you to take one of my yoga classes.”

I mock shivered and proclaimed: “you are making my tick worse.”

Angie frowned. “Did Ingrid really tell you off that badly?”

“Yup,” I said plainly and took another sip of my coffee. 

“And why is it that you have to work for her again?”

“The money, Angie,” I said dramatically as I looked around in our sparse apartment. “Without my well-earned money we wouldn’t be able to live in this glorious place.”

Angie snorted. “You’re hilarious.”

“I know. If I manage to fuck up and get fired, I’ll become a comedian instead,” I quipped as I opened the fridge and found a rather dry PopTart. That would have to substitute for breakfast today. 

Angie raised an eyebrow, and I could see that her inner yoga teacher was itching to say comment on my choice of breakfast, so to annoy her further, I proceeded to eat the PopTart really, really slowly. She was practically scowling at me then, and “returned the favor” by waving her apple in my face.

I laughed and nearly choked on the PopTart. So much for teasing. 

By the time I made it to Juicy Bits’ headquarter, Ingrid was already on a warpath. She was waiting for me in the door. Well, not literally, but damn close. She was waiting by my desk. In fact she had perched herself on the edge of it, and she was impatiently tapping my work iPad. 

I quietly cleared my throat to announce I was there. Both Boris and Ingrid looked up at me. Boris mock shuddered behind Ingrid’s back, but Ingrid simply narrowed her blue eyes and said: “Swanson. There you are.”

“Yes, here I am,” I confirmed, and gone was the teasing tone I had used with Angie a bit earlier. Ingrid always had a way to make you feel ever so timid and small.

“I trust you’ve got everything written down?” Ingrid said and tapped the iPad lying on my desk. 

“Yes I have,” I confirmed. 

“And can I trust that you won’t get yourself kicked out this time?” Ingrid continued and her blue eyes gleamed dangerously. “This is your last chance, Swanson. If I find out that you’ve messed up and insulted miss Goldstein again-“ 

“You can trust me, Ingrid,” I interrupted and tried to sound as respectful as possible. But damn, it was hard when Ingrid was using that tone! She had a way of really pushing my buttons and making my   
temper boil. Sometimes I silently considered whether she was actually looking for an excuse to fire me.

“I’ll hold you to that,” Ingrid said almost threateningly as she elegantly hopped off my desk. “Don’t disappoint me, Swanson. Juicy Bits’ reputation is at stake, and I refuse to have it ruined because of one unprofessional employee.” 

With that she turned her back on me and strode back up the steps towards her office. The door closed and a second later I could see through the window that she was sitting down in her “boss chair”. Most likely to make “important calls.”

I sighed a little and my hands curled into fists. 

“Jesus Christ,” Boris muttered lowly. 

My jaw clenched. “I swear to god, someday I’ll...”

“You’ll what?” Boris asked and raised an eyebrow. 

I settled for shaking my head. I wasn’t quite brave enough to finish the sentence. Who knew, maybe Ingrid had microphones or hidden cameras or something like that. God forbid she should hear what I was saying. 

“Hey, at least you get another shot at the interview,” Boris said and flashed me a smile. 

“Yeah,” I said without much enthusiasm. 

“You’re a good reporter, Mara,” Boris continued. “You’re just prone to speak before you think.” 

“Is this another lecture?” I asked and grimaced. “Because I’m pretty sure Ingrid has already scolded me. And so have Angie, for that matter.” 

Boris chuckled. “Don’t muck it up. All I’m saying.” 

I groaned. “You know, I kinda wish Ingrid would find another to do the interview. I don’t really like Tanya Goldstein.” 

The look Boris send me could easily be compared to the one Angie had send me earlier this morning. Apparently, I was the only one who thought that Tanya Goldstein wasn’t wonderful. 

“I actually found her kinda stuck up,” I said lightly and to provoke Boris just a tad.

Boris shook his head and clicked his tongue. “Well, don’t say that to her.”

“Of course I won’t,” I huffed. “I’m not a complete idiot!”

“Aren’t you?” 

“Hey!” I protested.

Boris chuckled and I made a point of scowling at him as I grabbed my work iPad and stuffed it into the leather bag, I always brought with me to work. I quickly checked that I had the notes I had written down on paper were securely stuffed away in the bag. It would be awful to whip my iPad out and then discover that it somehow had deleted everything. If that happened, Ingrid would definitely boot me out faster than I could say “Tanya Goldstein”. 

I slung the leather bag and checked my watch. Did I have time for a quick cup of coffee before I had to leave? Nope, probably not. Tanya Goldstein was still residing at the Ritz-Carlton downtown, which was a good twenty minute drive from here, and god forbid I should be late for the interview. No. Coffee would have to wait until I came back. I had probably earned it by then. I would feel much more worthy of it when I was done with the interview. Then I could celebrate that I would never have to see Tanya Goldstein again. I debated whether I would be capable of watching her in Love Me Not without thinking of her as the rude person who had pretty much gotten me kicked out of the hotel. The more I thought about it, the more irritated I became. And the more certain I became about my previous statement. Tanya Goldstein was definitely stuck up. There were no other way to put it. 

“Mara? Hello?!”

I blinked and quickly looked up at Boris. “What?”

“Shouldn’t you be on your way now?” he said calmly. 

I quickly glanced at the large clock. “Shit, you’re right!” I had been dawdling. 

“Chop-chop,” Boris joked. 

I waggled a finger at him. “Don’t start!”

“Time is money, Swanson,” he teased as I spun around on my heels and headed for the door. And then he laughed as I managed to nearly trip over my own feet. 

I arrived at the Ritz-Carlton ten minutes before I was supposed to be there, but Fred-the-bodyguard was already standing outside the hotel, clearly waiting for me. I quickly checked my appearance in the mirror. I looked pretty good. My hair didn’t look as messy as it had done yesterday. It always helped when I styled it with a bit of gel, made sure there wasn’t any stray hairs sticking out anywhere. The white button down shirt I had chosen to go with my dark jeans also looked pretty good. I looked kinda sharp. Professional. And a small, ridiculous part of me was disappointed that Ingrid hadn’t mentioned it or at least seemed to notice it. 

Oh well. If I couldn’t impress her with my clothes, I would have to find a different way to impress her. Like coming back with a complete interview with Tanya Goldstein. An interview so good, Ingrid would have no choice but to be impressed.

I smoothened a hand over my shirt one last time, grabbed my bag and slung it over my shoulder, and then exited the car. Now I ready to grovel for Tanya Goldstein. As I walked towards the hotel, I could feel that muscle underneath my eye twitch dangerously again. 

Fred-the-bodyguard offered me a stiff nod and no smile as he said: “miss.” He clearly couldn’t remember my name. Not even the rude reporter who got herself kicked out could make an impression on him.

“Mr. Weston,” I said, congratulating myself with remembering Fred’s last name. 

He didn’t smile at that either. Instead he was all business when he said: “miss Goldstein is waiting for you.”

Oh, I’m sure she is. I’m absolutely certain. The muscle underneath my eye twitched again. Maybe it was evolving into a “Goldstein-tick”. 

“Please follow me,” Fred said and spun around on his heels. 

I felt every bit like an obedient schoolgirl as I followed him inside the hotel. We headed straight to the elevator, and as it brought us up, I glanced discreetly at Fred. Maybe I was just being paranoid, but I had a distinct feeling that he didn’t like me. Maybe Tanya had told him what happened, and he had decided that he disliked me from now on. 

He raised an eyebrow and I quickly averted my eyes and pretended to adjust the bag slung over my shoulder. Awkward eye contact with Tanya’s bodyguard or whatever he was, was the last thing I needed. 

The elevator whirred softly, and I silently counted the floors. We were clearly going the same place as the last time. I just hoped that the interview would go better than the last time. I refused to allow myself to get provoked this time. I would smile and be a good reporter. And then I would conclude the interview, walk out of here and never have to see Tanya Goldstein again. That was the plan I had made for myself, and I had every intention of sticking to it. 

The elevator stopped and Fred and I stepped out and into the impressive hallway. Without saying a word, he walked off, but I wasn’t left on my own for a long. The brunette woman I had met the last time quickly replaced Fred, and she flashed me a smile that was a toothpaste commercial worthy. She looked like a brunette barbie doll in her pink dress.

“Miss Manson,” she said sweetly, and I fought the urge to roll my eyes. I didn’t even bother correcting her. I could live with being “miss Manson” for an hour or two. 

“Please follow me. Miss Goldstein is almost ready,” she said. 

“Perfect,” I said as I followed her. She lead me over to the little dining area Tanya and I had been sitting in the last time. 

I sat down on the leather couch and found my iPad in my bag. I also found my handwritten notes and quickly went over them just to check that I had everything written down. 

The brunette walked away, most likely to let Tanya know that I had arrived. I tapped my foot up and down under the table. My feet were aching slightly. I shouldn’t have insisted on squeezing my feet into a pair of high heeled boots this morning. What was the point anyway? It wasn’t like Ingrid paid attention to my footwear. Or my clothes for that matter. Funnily enough, she only ever noticed it when I was wearing something that wasn’t “suitable for work”. And even more mystifying was it that she seemed to think all my clothes fell into that category. I scowled a bit. Not all of us could afford expensive-as-f pantsuits. Even if Ingrid seemed to think that.

I opened an empty word document. Now I was ready to conduct the interview. My stomach tightened a little. Maybe I should have written an apology down. Or at least practiced what I’m gonna say. It suddenly dawned upon me that I had no idea what was gonna say to Tanya. Apologizing had never been one of my strongest suits. Shit. I really should have practiced at home in front of the mirror. Or asked Angie what I was gonna say. She was much more sensitive than I. She would have known exactly what I should say. Maybe I could text her. No, wait, she was at work right now. She was right in the middle of a yoga class. Her cellphone would be switched off like it always was when she was working. 

Which meant I was on my own. I hoped that Tanya wouldn’t be too pissed off. But maybe that was a vain hope. She hadn’t exactly been a fan of me the last time. 

Stuck up, my mind whispered, and I shook my head as to banish my real opinion of Tanya Goldstein. I couldn’t think like that. I was interviewing her. I was at work. I wasn’t allowed to have an opinion of her when I was at work. I could have that later. When I was home. And when the interview was over with. 

I groaned slightly and rolled my shoulders. One of these days I would have to buy another mattress. I couldn’t keep going like this. 

I heard her footsteps before I saw her. I raised my head slightly when I heard her voice.

“Steph, would you mind finding us some coffee?” 

“Of course Tanya,” I heard the brunette in the pink dress reply. 

“Thank you,” came Tanya’s voice, and then I heard footsteps approaching once more. 

Well. So much for feeling just a little bit put together. All my beliefs about looking good went out the window the second Tanya Goldstein stepped inside the restaurant. She was wearing a maroon suit that would put Ingrid to shame. The tight fitted pants made her seem taller, and I doubted I had seen anyone look so good in a blazer with shoulder pads. I thought the white button down I was wearing today was figure fitting, but my shirt was easily put to shame by Tanya’s. She took figure fitting to the next level. Hell, she was even wearing a tie. A fucking tie. A tie that matched the maroon color of her suit beautifully. Her blonde hair had been pulled back and styled in an elegant fishtail braid, and her makeup was flawless. 

Jesus, why did she have to look good? It made it so hard to remember how stuck up and rude I found her. 

“Miss Goldstein. Good morning,” I said and tried to sound professional. But I had a nasty feeling that I sounded more squeaky than anything else. 

“Good morning,” Tanya said reserved and offered a stiff, professional smile. 

I nearly cringed at that. Ooof. Still pissed then. Great. Just marvelous. 

Tanya sat down opposite me. She leaned forward slightly to adjust, and as she did that, I caught a whiff of whatever expensive perfume she was wearing. Roses. Mmm. Man, she smells good. I frowned a little. Where the hell did that come from? Okay. Focus.

“Miss Goldstein, I’d like to apologize for what happened the last time,” I said and nearly choked on the apology. I could feel that damned muscle twitch again. 

Tanya raised a perfectly plucked eyebrow. “Is that so?”

“I’m sorry?” I said and raised an eyebrow myself. Now I was confused. 

“You don’t sound very genuine,” Tanya said plainly. 

My jaw clenched, but I actually couldn’t blame her. She was absolutely right. I did sound like I was reading up from a script or something like that. 

“I was out of line and it won’t happen again,” I said. Now I really felt like a scolded schoolgirl. 

“Well, my manager seemed very convincing when he assured me that you were in fact a professional,” Tanya said, and now she sounded like she was bored. “So I suppose I’ll have to let it slide, don’t I?”

“I was rude,” I said, because I couldn’t think of anything else. 

“Yes, you were,” Tanya immediately agreed. 

Oh, good god, this is not going well. “I was... I was havin’ a really shitty night,” I said and tried chuckling a little. Shit, you’re making excuses for yourself. Back pedal. Right now. “But obviously, I shouldn’t take that out on you or anyone else for that matter,” I quickly continued. “Talking to you like that in the taxi... Wasn’t one of my greatest moments, and the things I said last time-“

“Wasn’t some of your greatest moments either?” Tanya nonchalantly suggested. 

“Definitely not,” I said firmly. 

“Okay then,” Tanya said. “I suppose we better start the interview then. I don’t have that much time.”

Seriously? That’s it? Am I ‘forgiven’ that easily? Well, that wasn’t as hard as I had expected. 

“Miss Manson?” Tanya said. 

I could happily live with having the wrong surname as long as she wasn’t pissed at me. “Yes. Of course,” I said and tapped the iPad screen once. 

That was when the brunette in the pink dress came over to our table with two cups of coffee. I thanked her as she placed the cup in front of me. So did Tanya, and it was impossible not to notice how warmly she smiled at the brunette. 

Once Steph had walked off, I quickly glanced at my notes and decided to pick up right where we had left off the last time: “so, besides hopefully winning the golden globe, do you have any goals this year?”

“I think wrapping up season two of Love Me Not is at the top of my list,” Tanya said. 

“I can understand that,” I nodded. “What do you think the fans will think about the new season? What kind of reaction are you hoping to get from them?”

“I think the viewers will be shocked,” Tanya said, and now I could see the hint of a smile dance on her lips. 

I found myself growing irritatingly curious at that. “Can you elaborate that?”

“Well, let’s just say... I think the first scene will come as a shock,” Tanya said and elegantly crossed her legs. 

Seriously? Remind me to tell Angie that when I come home. “And I guess this is the part where you tell me, that you can’t say more about it?”

“That’s right,” Tanya confirmed. “I don’t think my director would appreciate it if I started spoiling the show.”

“Good point,” I nodded and moved along to my next question: “you’ve been compared to Grace Kelly many, many times now, in both appearance and the way you act. Would you say that Grace Kelly is the one who inspires you the most?”

“Well, first and foremost, it’s very flattering to be compared to Grace Kelly,” Tanya said and leaned forward slightly. “No doubt she was a very elegant lady who knew how to carry herself on stage, and I suppose I try to do the same thing when I act. To give the character a bit of grace. No pun intended.” 

I laughed a little at that. “I can imagine you’re on a pretty tight schedule right now, right?” 

Tanya nodded and took a quick sip of her coffee. “That would be correct.”

“What do you do when you need to relax?” I asked, effortlessly easing into my next question. 

“Sleep, mostly,” Tanya deadpanned before sobering up and answering the question: “At the moment, I’m reading.”

“What are you reading?” I asked. 

“The Woman In The Window,” Tanya replied. “It’s a brick of a book, but it’s very entertaining. I’ve always loved domestic noir, but unfortunately, I don’t really have a lot of time to read these days.”

“Maybe your next role should be in a thriller?” I suggested. 

“Perhaps that would be an idea,” Tanya nodded. 

I proceeded to ask her what else she did when she needed to relax, and Tanya revealed that she often went for a run, listened to music, watched Netflix and sometimes listened to ASMR videos on YouTube. I tapped everything down and made sure to smile occasionally. I felt every bit professional, and I could feel the mood between us lightening. Maybe she wasn’t completely stuck up after all. 

The next question on my list was kinda tacky, but Melanie had gotten Ingrid’s permission to add it to the list, so I had no choice but to suck it up. But I still felt every bit like a cliché when I asked: “would you ever date a fan?”

Tanya’s smile became slightly more overbearing at that. “No, I don’t think I would ever date a fan.”

“And why is that?” I asked as I scribbled down her answer. 

“Well, because I fear that they wouldn’t be with me for the right reason,” Tanya said simply. 

I nodded and moved along to a slightly more “serious” question: “what inspired you to become an actress?” 

“I didn’t make it into medical school.” 

I laughed louder than planned. 

“I don’t know really,” Tanya said, sobering up. “When I was in school, I always loved to participate in the school plays. I suppose that was what inspired me.” 

“I see. And what was your first role?”

“I played Wendy in Peter Pan when I was in second grade,” Tanya replied, and her eyes gleamed slightly. “It was a disaster. The boy playing Peter was scared of heights, and he screamed every time the wires hoisted him up so it looked like he was flying.”

I chuckled. “That sounds very entertaining.”

“Believe me, it was. But not at the time, and certainly not for him. I often wonder what happened to him.” 

“Maybe he became an actor?” I slyly suggested.

“Maybe he did,” Tanya said and took a sip of her coffee.

Yep, I am definitely acing this interview, I thought and gave myself a mental pat on the back. It wasn’t that difficult, really. Everything was going oh, so smoothly as I asked her what role she would want to play in the future. She answered with some humor and said that she would love to play a serial killer. Whether she was serious or not remained unclear, but I tapped her answer down anyway. Just because 

I knew that Ingrid would find that answer interesting. And then I asked her how she prepared to play Celeste Bellamy. Tanya laughed and told me she had “panicked for three days straight”. I tapped that answer down too.

We then went on to the more personal “are you seeing anyone right now?”-question, because Melanie had written it down, and even marked it with a red circle. It was clearly very important to her to know whether Tanya was single or not, and I knew that all the questions had been approved by Ingrid, so I didn’t have much of a choice. Tanya’s expression became somewhat more guarded as she replied that no, she wasn’t currently seeing anyone. Her life was much too busy for dating and all that. I didn’t push the subject, simply nodded and wrote her answer down. 

Then I asked questions about the upcoming season of Love Me Not, would all of it be filmed in Los Angeles, or would we finally get some flashbacks of Celeste’s past? Tanya’s expression were teasing as she simply said: “no comment.”

That subject I did push, but Tanya laughed, shook her head and refused to give anything else away. 

Next were more “innocent” questions about where she was living when she wasn’t staying in this hotel. Tanya revealed that she was currently living in “a house in Beverly Hills”. She obviously couldn’t say where but said that she was “very satisfied” with living there. I nodded and tapped down her answer, then asked how she made that rented place feel like a home. She answered that she usually brought a few possessions with her. As I tapped that down, she leaned forward and took a sip of her coffee. I looked at her over my iPad. Yeah, maybe I was a professional reporter at work right now, but I definitely wasn’t blind either. Tanya Goldstein was goddamn beautiful. Maybe I was recovering from a horrible breakup, and maybe I had made the decision of giving up women entirely, but it was very difficult not to be affected by Tanya Goldstein’s beauty. I stole another glance at her as she sat there and tugged slightly at the knot in her narrow tie. Jesus, she’s perfect. I wonder if she’s as perfect underneath her clothes? As soon as the thought had entered my treacherous mind, I balked. Woah, there. Get a hold of yourself you stupid fucking lesbian. Focus. Next question. 

“What’s your favorite position?” I blurted out.

Tanya raised an eyebrow. “Excuse me?”

“Possession!” I quickly corrected and tried to ignore the flush spreading up my neck. “What’s your favorite possession that you bring with you?”

“Oh,” Tanya said. “Well, I suppose it’s a little painting I always bring with me and put up on the wall. I had it in my room ever since I was a little girl, so it feels wrong not to have it with me.”

I nodded and eagerly went on to other subjects. God damnit, what the hell was that even?! Oh well. At least it didn’t seem like Tanya had paid lots of attention to my little slip up. 

The other questions were mostly about how she prepared herself to meet her fans, did she think about what she wanted to say every single one of them, or had she a “standard procedure”? Tanya said that she never was prepared beforehand. She made it up as she went. Then I asked her what television shows she enjoyed watching, and she made me chuckle just a little as she revealed that she actually was an enormous Doctor Who geek. Naturally, my next question was which Doctor she preferred, and she went with the 9th Doctor and said that he was horribly underrated. I could only agree with that. 

At some point, between the questions about which accent she found it most difficult to imitate, and whether she could speak any other languages, I slowly began to ease back into it. Relax, Swanson. No harm, no foul. You’re doing great. Just keep going.

I asked her random things. Her biggest pet peeve (loud chewing), if she wasn’t famous, what would she be doing right now (sleep, most likely), what’s the most interesting thing she had read or seen this week? Tanya teased a bit when she said: “The script for Love Me Not.”

“Do you think we’ll get a third season?” I asked interested. 

“Well, I obviously can’t guarantee anything,” Tanya said and leaned forward slightly. “But both me and the entire crew hope that we’ll be renewed for a third season.”

“That would be great,” I said. “My roomie Angie would be devastated if you didn’t get renewed. She’s a huge fan on the show.”

“And you’re not?” 

I quickly looked up. “No! I mean, yes, I am. Yeah. Obviously. I actually binged some of it the other night. I ended up watching the first five episodes in a row.” 

“Oh,” Tanya said, and now she was smiling a little. 

The rest of the interview went smoothly. I asked every single question on my list and then slipped in a few funny remarks here and there. 

“Well,” I said and glanced discreetly at the time. “I think I have everything I need now.” 

“Good,” Tanya said and rose from her seat.

I did the same thing and flashed her a little smile as I slipped the iPad back into the bag I lifted onto the table. “Thank you for your time, miss Goldstein.” 

“No problem,” Tanya said. “I’m glad you got everything you needed.”

“I hope my boss will be satisfied with it,” I said jokingly and grabbed onto the cup of coffee with my left hand as I slung the bag over my shoulder. 

“I think we’ve covered most subjects,” Tanya said lightly. “I’m sure your boss will find the result to be satisfying.”

“I really hope so, sometimes she can be so- Argh! Shit!” I wasn’t completely sure how it had happened, maybe it was my shrug a moment ago that had made the shoulder bag swing back and forward on its strap. The very top of the bag had collided with the half-filled cup of coffee in my hand, and my left hand wasn’t exactly used to hold on to anything, so this little imbalance was enough to make the cup of coffee slip from my hand. And the result was this. Lukewarm coffee spilled all over my nice, white shirt. The brown stain was enormous, and for a solid ten seconds I couldn’t believe that I had just done this. That my clumsiness had resulted in this.

“Are you alright?” Tanya asked. “Did you get any on the iPad?” 

Shit, I hadn’t thought of that. I quickly looked down, but the iPad and bag for that matter seemed to be okay. The only thing harmed was my shirt. 

“No, it’s fine,” I said irritated. “Just my... Just my shirt.”

“I’m sorry,” Tanya said. “But I’m sure the stain can be removed.”

“Looks pretty done for to me,” I said darkly and shook my head. God damnit! Why was I such a damn klutz?! 

“No, no, that stain can easily be r-removed.”

Tanya’s voice wavered, and I looked up at her. To my surprise, and admittedly, irritation, I could see the corner of her mouth tremble. She was clearly trying to hold back her amusement. 

“Are you serious right now?” I asked, feeling more and more ticked off. 

But she clearly was. And my indignation was clearly enough to set her off. She bursted out laughing, completely inappropriate and rudely but at the same time I had no problem with seeing why she was laughing. But right now, I was far too agitated to find anything about this situation funny. I scowled at her, but that only made her laugh harder, and as she laughed, she called: “Steph? I think miss Manson needs a place to be cleaned up.”

Steph appeared seemingly out of nowhere and cringed as she saw the large coffee stain on my shirt. “Just follow me, miss Manson.”

“Right,” I muttered as I followed her down the hall. I could still hear Tanya laughing, but somehow Steph managed to keep a professional smile as she pointed me in direction of a bathroom. 

“Use as many towels as you need, miss Manson,” she said sweetly. 

“Will do,” I said shortly as I went inside and then locked the door to the bathroom. God damnit! Why did I always do stuff like this?! And why did Tanya have to burst out laughing when I had just decided that I actually liked her? 

You couldn’t trust anyone these days. 

And it soon became obvious that this stain was going nowhere. My shirt was undoubtedly ruined. I muttered a few well chosen curse words and then I opened the bathroom door. 

Steph was still standing outside the bathroom door, and her smile was every bit sweet and professional as she handed me a deep purple button down shirt. “I figured you wanted to borrow a fresh shirt.” 

“Yeah, thank you,” I said as I willingly accepted the shirt. “You’re a life saver.”

“Not at all, miss Manson,” Steph said. “Just prepared for everything.”

I flashed her a smile and then locked the bathroom door behind me as I stripped out of the stained shirt and slipped my arms into the sleeves of the deep purple, brand-new shirt. 

As I buttoned the shirt, I heard footsteps outside the door, muffled voices. I became curious and moved a bit closer to the door. And now I could clearly hear the conversation outside the bathroom. 

“Is she still in there?” Tanya asked. She still sounded amused. 

“Yes she is,” Steph confirmed. “I gave her a fresh shirt.”

“Oh. Good,” Tanya said and then chuckled slightly. The sound tickled my temper and I was just about to get annoyed all over again when I heard Steph say:

“And do you mind explaining to me what the hell that was about?”

“What was what about?” Tanya asked, and she sounded as confused as I was. 

“’My life is too busy for dating’?” Steph said and quoted what Tanya had said a bit earlier. 

“Well, what was I supposed to say?” Tanya retorted, and now she sounded annoyed. 

“No, what were you supposed to say?” Steph mocked, and she too sounded annoyed. 

“Steph.” Tanya warned. “Drop it.” 

“Fine. I’ll drop it,” Steph said, and now she most certainly sounded sullen. 

I was beyond curious, and I wanted nothing more than to stay in the bathroom in the hope to get another snatch of their conversation, but none of them said anything else, so instead of staying in the bathroom and making them wonder, I balled up the coffee stained shirt, threw it in the nearby thrash can, and then I unlocked the bathroom door.

Both Tanya and Steph were still standing near the bathroom. Steph immediately found her professional smile, and Tanya still looked amused as she asked: “You alright?” 

“Yeah,” I half-snipped. How dared she be amused when I had just ruined my best shirt?

“Good,” she said and now she was chuckling again. 

I felt agitated once more but forced myself to be every bit professional as I said: “Thank you for your time, miss Goldstein.”

“You’re welcome,” Tanya said. 

I slung the bag over my shoulder once more. “I better get going. Otherwise my boss will report me to the police for having skipped town with stolen goods.”

“Very well. I’ll have Fred walking you to your car,” Tanya said. 

“No-no, that’s okay, I can walk out there myself,” I said quickly. I should leave now, otherwise Ingrid would probably be pissed. “Goodbye.”

“Goodbye, miss Manson,” Steph said sweetly and professionally. 

I smiled tightly at both her and Tanya and then I spun around on my heels. 

It was difficult not to curse a little under my breath as I walked down the hallway towards the elevator. I could hear Tanya laugh at me again, and I hated myself for being entirely too fixated on the sweet, sweet sound. Man, her laughter is just... No. Absolutely not. I shook my head and tried to somehow “switch my ears off”, but it didn’t really help. 

I entered the elevator with Tanya’s sweet laughter still echoing in my head.


	6. Annoyance, Noises from upstairs, and a Special Delivery

“It’s only me!” I half-shouted as I stepped inside the tiny hallway and shrugged my jacket off. God, what a day! 

I grumbled slightly as I dumped my keys in the little bowl in the hallway. I had arrived back at Juicy Bits’ headquarter with an interview. I had aced todays challenge, and yet I didn’t feel one bit like I had accomplished anything. Instead I felt slightly humiliated and agitated. Tanya Goldstein’s laughter was still echoing in my head, and that was one of the things that annoyed me. Her laughter had no business being in my head. It was inappropriate of me to still hear her laughter when I was the one, she had been laughing at. She had literally humiliated and ridiculed me. Her laughing fit had been totally inappropriate, and yet it was still lingering in my mind. 

I really needed a drink. 

My feet felt heavy as I dragged myself into the kitchen where I find Angie sitting by the table. She appeared to be very busy scrolling through her iPad. 

“Hey.” She frowned a bit. “That’s not the shirt you were wearing this morning.” 

“Nope, it isn’t,” I agreed. “I had an, uhh... Coffee accident.”

“Oh,” Angie cringed. “Where did you get the shirt?” 

“Tanya’s assistant leant me it.” I muttered as I opened the fridge and looked around for something that could take the edge off my hard day. 

“Wait a second, are you saying you spilled coffee all over yourself in front of Tanya?” 

“Yes. That’s exactly what I’m saying,” I said grimly, but perked up a little when I spotted a bottle of wine in the very back of the fridge. Just what the doctor ordered. I quickly grabbed the bottle and then found a corkscrew in one of the drawers. 

Angie chuckled. “Well, shit.”

“Don’t start,” I warned and pointed the corkscrew at her. “I don’t need more people laughing at my humiliation.”

“More people?” Angie echoed and lifted an eyebrow. “Who else were laughing?”

“Tanya was,” I said bitterly. 

“Seriously?” Angie said, and I could see her lips twitch again. 

“Yep. Seriously,” I said flatly as I popped the bottle of wine open. “It was very humiliating.” 

“I agree, it might not have been the most professional thing to do,” Angie said. “But still. It’s a little funny.”

“No, it’s not,” I grumbled. 

Angie chuckled. “Relax. You’re home now, and you completed the interview, didn’t you?”

“I did, but I might have done a minor screw up,” I said and poured myself a glass of wine. “Do you want some too?”

“Mmm, please,” Angie said. “You’re not the only one who’s had a tough day. Mrs. Williams’ yoga pants ripped during the lesson.”

“You’re kidding me?”

“I wish I was,” Angie said bitterly as she rose from her seat and found a second glass. “Now tell me about that minor screw up.”

“Well...” I poured her a glass of wine. “I might have asked Tanya Goldstein what her favorite position is.”

Angie paused with the glass of wine halfway up to her lips. “You what?”

“It was an accident,” I defended. “I was looking a bit too much at her, and I was supposed to ask what her favorite possession is, you know, a favorite thing she takes with her when she travels, and then I ended up saying position instead.”

“Oh my god,” Angie laughed. “Did she get pissed at you again?”

“No, I think I managed to convince her that it was a slip-up,” I said and took a deep gulp of my wine. 

“Hmm,” Angie said, lowering her own glass of wine. “And when you say that you were looking a bit too much at her... Am I supposed to believe you’re one of the poor, poor souls who fancy Tanya Goldstein?”

I huffed. “Don’t be ridiculous.”

“Mara...” Angie said coaxingly. “Tell me the truth.”

“Ugh, fine,” I said and rolled my eyes. “Was I affected by her looks for ten seconds? Yes. Did her hair distract me for a moment? Yes. Do I think she’s the classic, beautiful bombshell blonde everyone says she is? Yes. But I do not fancy her, alright? I actually think she’s rude. Bursting out laughing when you see someone spilling coffee all over and potentially burning themselves? That’s a horrible thing to do.”

“So did you burn yourself?” Angie asked and tapped her fingers against the rim of her glass. 

“Not the point,” I said tightly and took another gulp of my own glass of wine. 

Angie laughed, and I scowled at her. 

“But it’s a cute shirt though,” she said and nodded towards my purple, borrowed button down shirt. “It really suits you.”

I scoffed. “Yeah right.”

“It does.”

I ignored that. “Remind me that I have buy a new white shirt tomorrow. I threw my own in the trash can.”

Angie raised an eyebrow. 

“It was dead, alright?” I defended. “The coffee was literally everywhere on it. It couldn’t be saved.” 

“Shirt murderer,” Angie said. 

I chuckled into my wine. “So, Mrs. Williams’ yoga pants ripped? I want to hear more about that.” 

“No, you don’t,” Angie said and grimaced. “We were doing the downward dog, and I just hear this loud riiitsch sound. When I turn around to see what’s going on, her yoga pants has ripped all the way down the back. It was awful.”

I laughed into my wine again. “That does sound pretty horrible, but then again, I suppose it could have been worse, right?”

“No, it couldn’t. She was wearing a thong underneath,” Angie said flatly.

“No way!”

“Yes way,” Angie said and grimaced. “I think I was more embarrassed about it than she was. Seriously, her ass was literally hanging free in midair!”

I accidentally inhaled half of the wine through my nose as I laughed, and I quickly cupped a hand over my mouth and nose to make sure that I didn’t spill any wine on my borrowed shirt. One spilling accident was enough. 

“So, see? You’re not the only one who’s had a tough day,” Angie said and downed the rest of her wine. 

“No, apparently not,” I agreed, now hiccupping slightly. 

“Do you wanna watch some Netflix?” Angie asked. “I could need a distraction from today’s trauma.” 

“I always want to watch some Netflix,” I said firmly as I grabbed the bottle of wine. “And this is coming with us!”

“Orange is The New Black?” Angie suggested as we made our way into the living room. 

“Orange is The New Black,” I confirmed as I plopped down on the couch. Anything but “Love Me Not”. I’ve had my dose of Tanya Goldstein. Right now it seemed more like an overdose than anything else. 

“One episode of Orange is the New Black, coming up,” Angie said as she grabbed the remote control. “Fill up my glass, Swanson!”

Orange is The New Black and leftovers soon made the foundation for our “night of recovery”, and for a while it seemed as though all our troubles were over, and I could finally kick back and relax for the evening. I sipped my wine and reached for the bag of chips Angie had just found for us. After today’s embarrassment, this was exactly what I needed. 

“So...? Was Ingrid satisfied with the interview?” Angie asked and crunched a handful of chips between her teeth. 

“Is Ingrid ever satisfied?” I asked rhetorically and shrugged lightly. “She didn’t exactly hug me and said that the interview was the best she’s ever read, but I think she was satisfied. Ish.”

“So you’re back in her good graces?” Angie asked and took another sip of her wine. 

“Have I ever been?” I asked, feigning shock. 

Angie laughed. “Maybe her attitude is just a cover up because she secretly thinks you’re an awesome reporter and she’s afraid you’ll become the boss of Juicy Bits.”

“Gimme a break,” I said and threw a couple of chips after her. “I doubt that Ingrid Peterson likes anyone but herself.”

Angie laughed again. “Yeah, you’re probably right about that.”

We turned our attention back to the screen, and it didn’t take long before I found myself completely enthralled with what was happening on screen. Angie had claimed many times that I only watched Orange is The New Black because of Laura Prepon, but I actually really liked the storylines. But every time I said that, Angie would burst out laughing and tell me that I was a good reporter, but not a good actress. 

I stretched my legs comfortably and then grabbed my glass of wine. My mind was rapidly reaching that state of comfortable fogginess. I liked that state. Lately, I had been feeling lots more confident and “sure” when I was in that state. It took the edge off things. It banished all the thoughts about Lily. But unfortunately it seemed like my foggy state gave room for other things. Tanya Goldstein’s laughter, for instance. I rolled my eyes. What was up with that? Her laughter had no business being in my head, damn it. I didn’t need further reminders of how rude she had acted. I didn’t care whether she was a feted actress or not, it didn’t give her automatic permission to be rude whenever she pleased. And laughing at others misfortunate was definitely rude. 

I huffed as I grabbed my glass of wine. Damn her. And damn her laughter. I was relieved that I would never have to see her again. I had completed the interview. There was nothing more to it. 

I leaned back once more, blinked and then told myself to focus on what was happening on the screen. Not think about todays humiliation. 

Angie and I were well into out fifth episode of Orange is The New Black when we heard some scuffling from upstairs. Angie grabbed the remote control and paused the series. She frowned as we both listened intensely to the noises coming from upstairs. For now it was just scuffling, but I had a nasty feeling it wouldn’t take long before it became more than just that. 

“Please, please tell me that it’s a mouse running around between the walls,” I begged. 

“It’s a mouse running around between the walls,” Angie deadpanned, sounding less than convincing. 

And we both knew it wasn’t a mouse running around between the walls. The scuffling upstairs continued.

“Ten, nine, eight, seven, six, five...” Angie counted down and rolled her eyes. “Four, three-“

A muffled moan coming from upstairs interrupted her countdown, and I grimaced. 

“Aaaand, Mr. and Mrs. Smith are at it again,” Angie said and started Orange is The New Black again. 

“I think I’ve just lost my urge to live a little bit,” I muttered and felt tempted to cover my ears. 

Three weeks ago, this new couple had moved into the apartment above ours. Which was fine and all... Apart from the fact that the “newlyweds” were extremely enthusiastic when it came to sex. Always every Wednesday night around nine thirty, and always starting in their living room. After a while, they would move their activities to their bedroom. Which just so happened to be directly above my bedroom. At first both Angie and I had found it to be rather funny, but as time progressed, the joke was starting to get old. It was Angie who had dubbed them “Mr. and Mrs. Smith” as a joke because we didn’t know their real names. We had never once met them. We had no idea who they were or how they looked. We just knew that they had sex every Wednesday night, and preferably for several hours. 

Angie and I really tried our best to give the television show our full attention, but it was impossible to concentrate when “Mr. and Mrs. Smith” were clearly in the middle of what sounded like a heavy petting session. 

“Jesus Christ,” Angie said as we heard another thump coming from upstairs. “Are they having sex or moving furniture’s?” 

“Or murdering each other?” I suggested flatly.

“Yes, that’s a possibility too,” Angie said and grimaced when there was another thump. 

“Think they’ve argued?” I asked and turned my eyes towards the ceiling. “That sorta sounds a bit like angry sex to me...”

“I don’t think I want to know,” Angie said and took an extra large sip of her wine.

The night was undoubtedly over. There was no point in hanging out. It was impossible to concentrate when “Mr. and Mrs. Smith” were going at it upstairs. 

“I’m going to bed,” I announced and quickly emptied my glass of wine. 

Angie glanced at her watch. “If you’re really fast, you can fall asleep before they move things to the bedroom.”

“I’ll hurry,” I said darkly as I more or less rushed into the bathroom and stripped out of my clothes. The water running drowned the noises coming from upstairs, and it was rather tempting to let the water run all night. But Angie would probably not be too thrilled about that. 

After a quick shower I shrugged a bathrobe on, ran a towel over my wet hair a few times and then brushed my teeth and washed my face. I shouted a quick goodnight to Angie in the hallway and then I went into my own room. 

I didn’t bother to put on an actual pajamas. Instead I just went with a tanktop and a pair of boy shorts. Then I climbed under the covers, squeezed my eyes shut and prayed to the higher powers that I would be able to fall asleep before “Mr. and Mrs. Smith” moved their activities to the bedroom. 

For the first five minutes, all I could hear was blessed silence, and I reveled in it. 

But then I heard something. Not something that came from upstairs. No, definitely not.

I heard Tanya Goldstein’s laughter. 

The sound was echoing in my head, and I grimaced. Why is this happening to me? I didn’t need this. I didn’t need frequent reminders of how I had screwed up. It was bad enough that I had asked her what her “favorite position” was. Good god, I had actually done that. I groaned and pulled the covers over my head. Where the hell had my mind been at?! I had been at work. I was getting paid to interview her. Not gawk at her like I was some yearning fan. 

I rolled on to my back. This was one of the rare occasions where I would have preferred to think about Lily. That would be better than thinking about Tanya Goldstein and her irritatingly sweet laughter.   
Irritating. Yes, that was what she was. She was stuck up and she humiliated you, remember? The mattress creaked some as I rolled onto my side and stared at the wall. I couldn’t sleep. How annoying. I turned my head and looked at my laptop standing on the nightstand. Maybe I should pop on my headphones and catch up on some Gentleman Jack instead. Or some Stranger Things. No wait, I had binged that show with Lily. And while thinking about my ex maybe was better than thinking about Tanya Goldstein, I still didn’t want to upset myself. I had actually made it through this day without thinking about Lily. There was no reason to start now. 

No, I had to get up early tomorrow. I had to fall asleep right now. 

But the happy couple upstairs soon busted that idea. I heard their voices, floorboards creaking, and then something else creaked. I grimaced as I immediately identified the sound as bed springs creaking. 

Dear god, of all the apartments in all of West Hollywood... Why did they have to chose the one above ours?

“Mrs. Smith” upstairs moaned loudly, and I did the same. But definitely not for the same reason as she did. I groaned and covered my ears when I heard the sound of a headboard colliding with a wall repeatedly. Man, they were really going at it. I wonder how many scuff marks there is on their wall? There had to be a lot. And they had probably busted the springs in the bed more than once. 

I squeezed my eyes shut and tried to force myself to go to sleep, but it was easier said than done when all I could hear was thump-thump-thump, and “Mrs. Smith’s” occasional “oh, yes!”. It was interesting, really. Apart from the telltale thumping and a few grunts here and there we never heard the husband or boyfriend or whatever he was. Angie and I had often joked that “Mrs. Smith” gagged him during their romps. 

I groaned as “Mrs. Smith’s” exclamations became more and more high pitched. It was always the same. Oh, yes! Don’t stop! Right there, Yes, yes, yes! Gooood! Yes! I’m coming, I’m coming! She wasn’t very original. 

It should have been over then, but just like every Wednesday, it wasn’t. It didn’t take long before “Mrs. Smith” started moaning all over again. I silently counted, but I barely made it past twenty five before the thump-thump-thump began anew. 

I rolled my eyes. No doubt it was annoying to listen to their sex-scapades, but I kind of envied them too. At least they were getting something. 

I turned my head and looked at the nightstand where my phone usually were laying. If I couldn’t sleep, I could scroll through my Instagram while I waited for sleep to catch up with me. 

But tonight my phone wasn’t here, and it didn’t take me long to remember that I had left it on the coffee table in the living room. Ergo, I had to get out of bed. I cursed under my breath as I reluctantly hopped out of bed and stumbled into the hallway. Maybe I’ve had more wine than I first had thought. 

Angie was still sitting in the living room. She had her computer in her lap, and she had armed herself with headphones that covered her ears entirely. I almost chuckled. I certainly couldn’t blame her. 

She looked up as I grabbed my cellphone from the coffee table. Removing her headphones she said: “seriously, how can he not notice that she’s faking it?!”

“That’s a very good question,” I said and grimaced at another loud moan coming from upstairs. 

“Wanna trade room?” Angie offered. “I sleep heavier than you, and they are right above your room...”

“No, it’s fine,” I said. “I’ll just... mash my face into a pillow, or something like that.”

Angie laughed. “Good plan.”

“Goodnight,” I said as I quickly checked that my alarm was set for tomorrow morning. It was.

“G’night,” Angie said. “Wear headphones to bed.”

“I’ll do that,” I nodded as I padded out in the hallway again. 

I closed the door to my room and was more or less welcomed by “Mrs. Smith’s” scream. I was quick to stuff my headphones into my ears and then switch the volume up on Cigarettes After Sex. That was the sound I wanted to fall asleep to tonight. Not “Mrs. Smith’s” fake enthusiasm. Before climbing into bed, I paused the music momentarily, grabbed my broom and then tapped it against the roof. Like I so often did on Wednesday nights. That sometimes did the trick. Or maybe it didn’t. I couldn’t be sure whether it was a coincidence or not, but “Mrs. Smith” usually “came” one last time after I had banged on the roof with the broom. 

I started the music once more and then climbed into bed. Pulled the covers up to my chin and then closed my eyes. After a while, I managed to fall asleep. But it only took an hour before I woke up, completely disorientated after having dreamt of blonde hair and an annoyingly charming laughter. 

But the apartment was quiet. “Mr. and Mrs. Smith” had either passed out from exhaustion, or fallen asleep, and either way I was grateful. I switched the music off, removed my earbuds and then rolled onto my other side. Now I could finally get some sleep. Or at least that was what I had hoped for. The moment I closed my eyes again, Tanya Goldstein started prancing around in her maroon suit before my inner eye.

I huffed in frustration. What the hell was Tanya Goldstein doing in my head? This was ridiculous. I was not one of those ridiculous people who had a crush on Tanya Goldstein. I really, really wasn’t. I didn’t even like her. She was annoying. She was stuck up. And she was rude. She had laughed at my misfortune. Instead of worrying whether any harm had come to me during the coffee incident, she had laughed at me.

I huffed in the darkness and pulled the covers over my head. Good thing I didn’t have to see her again. No, the one who had the “honor” of meeting Tanya Goldstein was Leo, our photographer. Ingrid had mentioned something about needing photos for an interview this “big”. Pictures to accompany the interview of Tanya Goldstein would attract more readers, she said. Whatever. I didn’t care. As long as I didn’t have to see Tanya Goldstein again. 

And now I really have to get some sleep. I didn’t have to go to work super early tomorrow, but I knew that Ingrid still hadn’t completely forgiven me for screwing up, and so I wanted to come in earlier than I had to. It was better to be safe than sound.

Angie was already up when I the next morning came out of the shower, ready for the day and dressed in my usual jeans and t-shirt attire. I wasn’t going out on any interviews today. It should be safe enough to dress like this. 

“What time does your class start today?” I asked and yawned loudly as I poured myself a cup of coffee. 

“At eight,” Angie said and took a sip of her orange juice. 

“Is it Mrs. Williams again?” I asked and chuckled. 

“Fuck no,” she said, and mock shuddered in horror. “It’s Glynis. You know, the one with the pink hair.”

“Ahh, the one with the tattoo, right?” 

“The very same.”

“Well, her classes always goes well, right?” I asked, now munching on a piece of toast. 

“So far, no thong incidents,” Angie joked. 

I laughed. “Poor Mrs. Williams.” 

“And poor me,” Angie said firmly. “I’m telling you, Mara! It was a traumatic experience!”

“Mmm, I’m sure it must have been,” I nodded and reminded myself to attend one of Angie’s yoga classes. It was starting to sound more and more entertaining and appealing. 

“Office day?” Angie asked and glanced at my casual attire. 

“Yep,” I confirmed. “I’m gonna sit with my eyes glued to a computer screen all day. Aren’t I lucky?”

“I suppose that’s one way to put it,” Angie said and shrugged lightly. 

I chuckled. “It actually suits me fine. I don’t mind an office day. I’ve had enough of interviewing. In fact I don’t think I ever want to do another interview in my life.”

Angie laughed and shook her head. “Dramatic much? You aced the interview.”

“I spilled coffee all over myself and then I was humiliated by Tanya,” I reminded her. “And I’m not gonna forget that anytime soon.”

Angie laughed again. “Drama queen.”

“Never,” I denied and shook my head. 

“Always,” she teased. 

I ignored her and turned my attention back to my toast. I managed to spill crumbs, and I quickly brushed a hand over my green t-shirt. An image of Lily wearing this t-shirt flittered through my mind, and my jaw clenched slightly as I forced myself to chew. I remembered that this t-shirt had looked enormous on Lily. She was so tiny. So perfect. She had looked so good in this t-shirt. The sight had always made me smile. 

Now I wasn’t smiling anymore, but before I could get the chance to feel sorry for myself, I was interrupted by a brisk knock on the door. My head whipped up and I looked at Angie. “Is Cooper giving you a ride to work today?”

“No,” Angie said and raised an eyebrow in surprise. “I’m not expecting anyone.”

Neither did I. At least not that I could remember. Oh god, what if it’s my mother who decided to drop by unannounced or something like that? I forced myself to swallow the piece of toast. Of course it wasn’t my mother. No, she would call before showing up. She knew how busy I was. 

There was another knock on the door, and for a crazy moment I allowed myself to imagine it was Lily who had gotten an epiphany and had decided to come back to me. 

“I’ll open,” I said to Angie as I rose from my chair. “You’re not exactly in any state to see anyone.” 

“Rude,” Angie said. “My pajamas is perfectly acceptable, thank you very much!”

I chuckled slightly as I went over to the door. Calling it a pajamas was definitely a stretch. There wasn’t much pajamas over her tiny silk shorts and crop top... 

I opened the door, and my confusion only grew when I came face to face with a guy with short blonde hair and blue eyes. He was wearing an expensive looking jacket, and I was pretty sure he didn’t live in this building. Or in this area for that matter. 

“Yeah?” I asked. I hoped he wasn’t one of those people who wanted to sell me something. I wasn’t in the mood for that and slamming the door in his face would probably ruin his morning. And mine. 

“Hi! I’m looking for a...” he quickly glanced at a note in his hand. “Mara Swanson?”

“That’s me,” I confirmed a bit reluctantly. Maybe he was one of those people who sold stuff. 

“Great!” he said almost overly briskly. “I have a package for you.” 

I blinked in surprise as he handed me a brown paper package. “I didn’t order anything.”

“Special delivery,” he said, still smiling as he handed me a paper. “So if you could just sign right here.” 

I could sense that it would be pointless to argue with Mr. Briskly, so I quickly signed the sheet of paper for him and then took the package from him. 

“Thank you,” he said. “Have a great day, miss!”

“Yeah... You too,” I muttered as he turned around and ran down the stairs. I literally had no clue what this was about. I hadn’t ordered anything. This didn’t make any sense. 

As I turned around and closed the apartment door, I was certain I could hear him whistle two floors down. Boy, he was in a great mood this morning. I envied him. As I did everyone who were capable of smiling in the morning. 

“What was that about?” Angie asked lazily as I came back into the kitchen. 

“Someone send me a package,” I said and weighed said package in my hand. It felt very light. 

“Someone send you a package?” Angie echoed and raised an eyebrow. “Didn’t you order anything?”

“Nope,” I said. “I’ve no idea what this is about.”

“Well, who’s the sender?” Angie asked impatiently and clearly frustrated about my level of cluelessness. 

“It’s from a...” I quickly flipped the package upside down. “Stephanie Rollins.”

“And who the hell is Stephanie Rollins?” Angie asked. 

“I haven’t got the slightest.”

She sat her cup of coffee down to give me her full attention. “This is getting interesting.”

“Very,” I said as I unceremoniously tore the package open and then thrusted a hand inside it. 

The first thing I came across was a slightly crispy material that I had no problem with recognizing, and I felt every bit surprised as I grabbed onto the material and freed it from the brown paper package.   
It was my shirt. It had been rescued from the trashcan, cleaned, washed, dried and ironed. There wasn’t a stain of coffee left on the white fabric. 

Angie was quick to catch on. “Is that your shirt?” 

“Yep,” I confirmed as I bend down and picked up the note that had fallen onto the floor when I pulled the shirt out of the package. I squinted slightly as I read the short note: 

“Sorry for laughing at you yesterday. 

T.”

“Huh,” I said. 

“No way,” Angie said. She had come over to me while I had my head bowed over the note, and now she was shamelessly reading over my shoulder. 

“Well, it would appear that she isn’t completely heartless anyway,” I joked. 

“And she clearly has a soft spot for you,” Angie teased. 

I snorted. “Don’t be ridiculous.”

“Tanya Goldstein liiii-iiiikes you,” Angie singsong’ed, and I silently asked myself how I could have ended up living with someone who was this annoying. 

“You are being ridiculous,” I said flatly. “She probably just realized how rude she was yesterday. Maybe she’s afraid that I’ll go public with the story.”

This time, it was Angie who snorted, and then she tried to snatch the note from me. “We’re getting that thing framed.”

I scoffed. “No, we’re not.” 

“Oh, like hell we are. That’s Tanya Goldstein’s handwriting. Some day it’s gonna be worth a fortune!”

I decided not to go into that discussion. “You know what, I’m gonna be late for work,” I said as I stuffed the note into my pocket and then turned around to put the shirt away in my closet. I smiled a little as I reached my own room and closed the door behind me. I suppose that was kind of nice of her...


	7. Picture This

Two days later, I walked into Juicy Bits’ headquarter. For once, I was on time. I was impeccably dressed, and I hadn’t spilled coffee all over myself. I felt good. 

Until I saw Ingrid stand by my desk. She was clearly waiting for me. 

My imagination immediately went into overdrive. Shit, shit, shit, what have I done that she had found out about? Did I do something? Have I spilled coffee somewhere? On my desk maybe? Or maybe she heard me badmouth her the other day. Shit. She totally did. She has the place rigged up with cameras and microphones. Fuck. I knew it.

“Ah, Swanson. There you are. My office, please,” Ingrid said briskly as she turned around and strode back towards her office. 

I immediately felt nauseous, and I frantically searched my brain for incidents Ingrid could blame me for, but no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t come up with anything. It didn’t get better when Boris flashed me a “what did you do”-look. 

I shrugged in response. I had no idea what I had done. Or what Ingrid thought I had done. And my urge to find out was very, very slim. 

But Ingrid had requested me to come into her office. I couldn’t exactly ignore that.

So I shoved my hands into my pockets, and then I walked towards Ingrid’s office. God, I had definitely spend too much time in Ingrid’s office. I would have to break this habit soon. I even remembered my manners and knocked lightly on the door.

“Come in,” Ingrid’s voice came from the office. 

I swallowed something, wetted my lips and then went inside the office. I closed the door behind me and then turned my attention to her. She was sitting behind her desk, tapping away on her laptop. Her platin blonde hair was rolled into a bun, and she was wearing a white suit. The perfect ice queen. And I had felt put together this morning. I almost scoffed. 

Ingrid looked up. “Ah, Swanson. I’ve got a little job for you.”

“Okay?” I said and felt my shoulders uncurl some. Maybe she wasn’t pissed at me after all.

“Leo is heading to the Ritz-Carlton to shoot those pictures of Tanya Goldstein. I want you to go with him.”

Oh, no. Anything but that, please. “Why?” it bursted out of me, and I immediately wanted to cringe. 

“Because,” Ingrid said, and her blue eyes gleamed dangerously. “You are the one who has had contact with Tanya Goldstein, and Leo has only worked here for a month. This is his first big job, and I’d like to make sure that he doesn’t screw up.”

“But-“

“Miss Swanson, I’m giving you more responsibilities,” Ingrid interrupted. “You shouldn’t object to this. You should thank me.”

And obviously, she was right about that. I knew she was, but after my coffee incident and following embarrassment I wasn’t overly eager to see Tanya Goldstein again. I was embarrassed over my little   
“position/possession” slip up and embarrassed over having concluded the interview with spilling coffee all over myself. And even still slightly annoyed that she had laughed at me. And possibly a bit embarrassed that she had found me so pathetic she had found it necessary to have my shirt cleaned and sent back with a special delivery guy.

“What about the other stuff I’m writing on?” I asked. 

Ingrid shot me a look that more than suggested I was dense. “I don’t know whether you’ve noticed or not, Ms. Swanson, but I have quite a lot of employees. I’m certain I can find someone who can finish your story and make sure it’s posted.”

“Alright then.” I said defeated. What good would arguing do?

“Run along,” Ingrid said. “Leo is already waiting for you.” 

“Okay.” Right then. No more nonsense, just off to work. Heigh-ho and all that. But I couldn’t completely quieten my annoyance. I don’t wanna see Tanya Goldstein again. I don’t want her to think back to the coffee incident and start laughing at me again. I dreaded Tanya Goldstein’s laughter for two reasons. One: it irritated me. Two: it was affecting me. And that annoyed me too. Why did she have to have such a sweet laughter? And why did I have to pay so much attention to it?

Yep. Annoying. Definitely.

“Bye-bye,” Ingrid said a bit sharply. “I don’t want you to be late.”

I turned around and left her office. I went back to my desk and wrestled my phone out of my bag. I was gonna need that. But the bag could stay behind. 

“Problems?” Boris asked as he looked up from his laptop. 

“Nah. Ingrid just decided that I should supervise Leo when he’s out on a job,” I said truthfully.

“Oh. Cool,” Boris said. 

No, not really. “Yeah, I suppose it is. Have you seen Leo?” 

“Uhh... I think he’s waiting by his car. Yep. I saw him go out there with all his camera stuff.”

I flashed Boris a smile, slapped his shoulder and instructed him to keep his head down when Ingrid came out of her office, and then I left Juicy Bits’ head quarter.

Leo was indeed waiting for me by his car, and he didn’t look ecstatic to see me. I could understand why. If it were me who was out on my first major job, I wouldn’t want to have someone running around   
after me and “supervising” me while I did my job. 

But the decision wasn’t mine. It was Ingrid’s, and I hoped that Leo understood that I hadn’t been involved in this at all. 

“Hey, you ready to go?” I asked as I reached his car.

“Yeah,” Leo said as he opened the door to the backseat and carefully stuffed his bag away in there. 

“Great,” I said with feigned briskness as I opened the door to the passenger’s seat and got into the car. As Leo fussed and re-arranged the bag with the camera and equipment’s, I took the opportunity to find my phone in my pocket and send a half-sarcastic text to Angie. ‘Guess who’s just been asked to supervise the photographer as he takes those pictures of Tanya Goldstein?’ 

The answer from Angie came as soon as Leo has gotten into the car and was starting the engine. 

‘No way! Ingrid forced you to go with Leo??’

I rolled my eyes slightly. ‘Yep, she sure did. Way to ruin my morning.’

Again, the response came immediately: ‘I agree, it’s a bit short notice, but I don’t exactly understand why you’re pissed about it?’

Seriously? I almost groaned as I tapped a reply. ‘Why wouldn’t I be?’

Angie’s client must have cancelled on her. Her replies certainly came fast. ‘Oh, you know... Because you’re taken by Tanya Goldstein perhaps?’

I scoffed and was vaguely aware that Leo was glancing at me, but I paid little attention to it as I messaged back to Angie. ‘That’s ridiculous. I am not.’

‘I don’t believe you.’

“Seriously?” I mumbled as I tapped away on the phone. ‘What the hell, Angie? I told you. I don’t like her. I think she’s rude and stuck up and she made a complete fool out of me the last time. And digging my shirt out of the trashcan, having it cleaned and then send it back to me? That’s just humiliating. What does she think? That I’m so poor I can’t afford a new shirt? No, I am not “taken by her”. I don’t like her.’

It didn’t even take a minute before Angie’s response appeared on my phone screen. ‘And yet you’ve just managed to ramble on about her through text. Impressive, Mara 😉 I think you DO like her.’

Okay, I am definitely not gonna engage in this kind of crazy talk. I slipped the phone back into my pocket and scowled. Angie and I were gonna have a stern talk-to when I came home. In which I was gonna convince her that I did not like Tanya Goldstein. At all.

“So, what’s she like?” Leo asked. 

“Huh?” I replied. I had actually managed to forget he was here. 

“Tanya Goldstein.”

I felt tempted to clap a hand over my forehead. Is this a fucking conspiracy or something? “Uhh...” 

“I mean, you’ve met her and all,” Leo continued. “So I was just curious as to what she’s like?” 

“Well, she’s...” rude. Annoyingly beautiful. Stuck up, but her laughter isn’t. Her laughter is actually ridiculously sweet. “She’s alright.”

“Is she as gorgeous in person?” Leo asked and waggled an eyebrow. 

Yes. Definitely. “She’s alright.”

Leo chuckled. “I think I’ve watched Love Me Not at least three times now.”

“Right. And are you watching it because of the brilliant storyline, or are you watching it because of Tanya Goldstein?”

“...Both?” Leo said and grinned shamelessly. 

I rolled my eyes. “Do you mind if I switch the radio on?”

“Knock yourself out,” Leo said, so that was exactly what I did. 

I ended up on some rock station that played “Sweet Child of Mine”, and Leo encouraged me to turn the volume up. I had no problem with doing that, and I hoped that the sound of the music would be loud   
enough to drown my irritating thoughts. God, why did Ingrid have to ask me to do this? Why did Melanie have to fall in the shower and hit her head? Everything would be so much better if she just had been here to do that fucking interview. I would never have met Tanya Goldstein, and everything would be fine. I would be fine. My only concern would be to nurse my broken heart. 

“You good?” Leo asked. He had clearly noticed my little sigh. 

“Yeah,” I lied. “I’m fine.” And I definitely don’t like Tanya Goldstein. I have no idea why Angie would even suggest that. It’s ridiculous. She made it seem as though I’m some sort of obsessed fan. I mean, yeah, I like the show, but that doesn’t make me obsessed. At all. 

Leo interrupted my train of thoughts as he loudly sang along on “Sweet Child of Mine”. It seemed as though he was trying to outnumber Axl Rose. He didn’t really succeed, but he certainly managed to drown any thought I might have had. His voice could break glass. Or so it felt. 

Upon arriving, both Leo and I were confronted by Tanya’s bodyguard. Despite having met me two times already, he still asked me to show him my press card. Leo was asked to do the same thing, and Fred was very reluctant as he let us into the hotel. He told us that there had been some “commotion” earlier. Apparently, some enthusiastic fans had tried to get inside the hotel to see Tanya. Fred had been forced to throw them out, he said. 

We took the elevator upstairs to the meeting room where Tanya would be waiting for us. Because of the photoshoot, the room had been temporarily cleared out, and a grey backdrop had been set up in there. 

Fred instructed us to wait, told us that “miss Goldstein will be here in a moment”, and then he left us. 

Leo and I waited and made random “office-small talk” in an attempt to fill the awkward silence. I didn’t know Leo that well. He hadn’t been working at Juicy Bits very long, and I had never been out on a job with him before. But so far, he seemed nice enough. Very laid back and chill. Maybe we could go out on more jobs together. As a team. Not like this. I didn’t like that Ingrid more or less had made me his “nanny”. It rubbed me the wrong way, and I was sure that it annoyed the hell out of Leo. It felt a little like he wasn’t professional enough to be out on his own. I hoped Ingrid wouldn’t do something like this again. 

Leo’s head whipped up the exact same time as I heard the sound of muffled voices and footsteps nearing the meeting room. I had only just identified the voices to belong to two people, when the door opened, and Tanya Goldstein stepped in closely followed by the brunette woman. Steph, was it? Yeah. I think her name was Steph. And for some reason she looked unbelievably sour. Which was a stark contrast to Tanya Goldstein. She was smiling at both Leo and me. I swallowed an extra time when I looked at Tanya. She was wearing a grey sequin dress with a slit up her left thigh. The dress was backless and was only held together by a couple of strings. Tanya’s hair was hanging loose in soft curls down her back, and the effect was spectacular. The soft curls was framing her face perfectly. 

Fuck. She’s gorgeous. Oh god, why? 

“Hi,” Leo said eagerly as he stepped forward with his hand outstretched towards Tanya. “My name’s Leo Rossi. I’m the photographer.”

“Nice to meet you, Leo,” Tanya said and shook his hand. 

Leo glanced back at me. “And of course you already know-“

“Mara,” Tanya interrupted as she outstretched her hand to me as well. “Yes, we’ve met each other a few times already.”

“Yeah,” I said halfheartedly as I shook her hand. 

“We only expected a photographer,” Steph said. “Not a reporter as well.” 

“Mara is just here to supervise me,” Leo said quickly. “That’s usually how our boss works. She likes to send the reporter who has an established contact along on the job to supervise.”

“Is that necessary?” Tanya asked. 

Leo frowned in confusion. “Is what necessary?”

“To... supervise you?” Tanya asked, and now her voice was loaded with what could only be described as flirting. “What does your boss think you’d do?”

I could see how Leo’s brain completely bluescreened. “Uhh....” 

Tanya laughed. “I’m just kidding, Mr. Rossi. I’m sure you’re an excellent photographer. In fact I think I might have seen some of your previous work.”

Leo’s face lit up. “Really? Where did you-“

Steph cleared her throat. “Tanya, I’m not trying to interrupt, but you do have that interview at two. I think it would be better to get started.”

“Oh yes,” Tanya said and flashed Steph a look I couldn’t quite read. “You’re probably right about that.”

“Right,” Leo said and found his camera in the bag. “Let’s get started then. If you could just move over to the backdrop, miss Goldstein, I’ll tell you what to do.”

“Alright,” Tanya said almost lazily as she walked over to the grey backdrop. 

The photoshoot began. Leo fiddled a bit with his camera at first, and his voice was ever so slightly high pitched as he asked Tanya to pose for the camera. And boy, did Tanya ever pose! One hand on her hip, hair tossed over her shoulder, and a big, beaming smile. I hated that smile. Seriously, why did she have to have such a beautiful smile? It wasn’t fair. 

And things didn’t exactly become easier when Tanya spun around and turned her head slightly, so she was giving the camera a sideway smile while she showed off the back of her dress. I grinded my teeth slightly, but Leo lapped it up and told her “perfect!” at least ten times. God was this ever annoying! Leo didn’t need to be supervised at all. He could easily have managed this on his own. Why the hell did I have to be here? 

“Perfect, miss Goldstein!” Leo said excitedly. “And do you think you can turn around again? Maybe pull your hair over your left shoulder?”

“Of course,” Tanya said as she turned around and tugged her long golden hair over one shoulder as Leo had instructed. She flashed the camera a big smile. The flash went off, and Leo lowered his gaze and clicked on a few buttons on the camera. Most likely to add some sort of filter to the next picture. 

Next, he asked her to give the camera a sideway pose, and Tanya did just that. She turned, and I swallowed something. Damn that woman and her curves. 

The camera went off, and Leo once again took a second to inspect the result. 

“I think this might be my favorite position,” Tanya said. 

My eyes snapped up, and for a moment it felt alarmingly like I was choking on my own saliva. 

“For posing,” she clarified, and I could see the amusement in her eyes. She chuckled slightly.

Oh, Jesus Christ. So I hadn’t been half as smooth as I had thought. And now she was laughing at me again. My jaw clenched. 

“Alright,” Leo said as he looked up again. “Miss Goldstein, do you think you could tilt your head back a little for the next picture? And maybe pretend that you’re pushing your hair away from your face.”

“Certainly,” Tanya said sweetly, and then she was moving again. I almost groaned when she arched her back slightly and threw her head back like Leo had asked her to. She buried her fingers in her hair and pushed it away from her face while she held the pose. 

I was sure I saw Leo’s fingers slip some as he pushed the button on the camera repeatedly. 

“What do you think about this posing position, Mr. Rossi?” Tanya asked before flashing the camera a smile that was slightly more seductive than before. 

Oh, good god. What is this madness? Is everyone in this room in on some sort of conspiracy against me or something like that? Is that what’s going on here or what? My jaw clenched again as I wished myself far, far away from here. I don’t care it’s a weeknight, I am DEFINETELY having wine tonight. And preferably lots and lots of it. I just wanted to go home and vent to Angie. Again.

“Beautiful!” Leo exclaimed. I could see droplets of sweat on his forehead. He pushed the button once more. 

Tanya smiled seductively at the camera once more, and for the next pose, she had a few “inputs” and suggested that she closed her eyes and maybe parted her lips slightly. Obviously, Leo was more on board with that idea and lapped it up. If the way he kept shifting was an indication of the boner he had going on right now, he would have trouble fitting behind the wheel on the way home. 

I swallowed something when I saw Tanya arch her back once more and close her eyes for the next picture. Her lips were slightly parted, and if I didn’t know any better, I would say that she was trying to suppress a little smile. 

“Beautiful!” Leo said somewhat squeakily and clicked frantically on the camera. “I think this might just be our new cover for the next edition of Juicy Bits!”

Tanya just smiled a little as she shifted some. Arched her back just a little bit more. Her fingers were still buried in her hair. 

Fuck. Me.

It felt like it took hours, but finally the photoshoot was over, and Leo thanked Tanya profusely for her time as he packed his camera away. 

“It was my pleasure,” Tanya said lightly and scrunched up her hair. “Now if you would excuse me, I have to get ready for my interview.”

“Of course,” Leo said immediately. “We can find out ourselves. Can’t we, Mara?” 

“Mhmm. Sure,” I said automatically. I wanted to flee the scene as fast as possible. 

Tanya offered both of us a smile and a goodbye, and then she left the meeting room. 

Leo was still fidgeting with the camera and trying to force it back into his bag, and I didn’t really have the patience for that right now. I shifted a bit on my feet and then said: “hey Leo, I left my jacket in the wardrobe, so I’m just gonna head down and fetch it.” 

“Okay,” Leo said, still frowning as he tried to squeeze the camera into the bag. “I’ll probably still be here when you come back, but if I’m not, I’ll be waiting for you in the car.”

“Cool,” I said and then I spun around on my heels and headed towards the door. 

I quickly walked down the long corridor, and luckily, I didn’t run into Fred. I was perfectly capable of fetching my jacket myself. I didn’t need him to do that for me. He was Tanya Goldstein’s assistant. Not mine. 

I clenched my jaw as I walked towards the wardrobe. I felt annoyed all over again. Perhaps I was just paranoid, but it felt like Tanya had been toying with me this entire time. Like everything she said and did had been aimed at me. Like she had been deliberately teasing me. The muscle underneath my eye quivered. What the hell was her problem? Why did she have to embarrass me further? Why was that necessary? Maybe she was just one of those people who got a kick out of irritating others. 

I reached the wardrobe and quickly weaseled my way in between the different coats and jackets in an attempt to find my own. It shouldn’t be so difficult. My black leather jacket should stand out between all the grey and beige colors here. 

But it actually was surprisingly difficult. The wardrobe was crammed with jackets, and I managed to send a few of them onto the floor in my search. 

“Damn it,” I muttered as I swiftly bent down to pick up the jackets. 

I was still cursing under my breath when I heard footsteps approaching. I automatically stilled with one jacket in my hand. Maybe it was Fred who thought that I was some crazy fangirl hiding in the wardrobe in the hope to get a glimpse of Tanya Goldstein. I almost chuckled as I imagined how he would drag me out of the wardrobe, thinking that he had caught an intruder when he had actually just caught an unfortunate reporter. 

But it wasn’t Fred. There were two sets of footsteps, and two different voices. I quickly identified both of them. Steph spoke first: 

“Are the reporters gone?” she asked. 

“Yes, I think so,” Tanya said, sounding a bit distracted. Maybe she was on her phone while she was talking to Steph. 

“Why was she here?” Steph asked. 

“Why was who here?” Tanya asked. 

“That reporter. Sarah Manson.”

Tanya chuckled slightly. “You mean Mara Swanson.”

“Right. Her.”

“Well, you heard Mr. Rossi,” Tanya said lightly. “She was here to supervise his work.”

“That’s ridiculous,” Steph huffed. “He would have been just fine on his own.” 

“Is there some sort of problem?” Tanya asked, and now she sounded irritated. 

“I don’t like her,” Steph said. 

Tanya chuckled again. “Steph, you don’t even know her.”

“Neither do you,” Steph shot back. “And yet you insisted on sending her shirt back. Using my name.” 

“Would you rather that I had used my name?” Tanya said, sounding irritated again. 

“No, but-“

“But what? Look, she spilled coffee all over herself, and she was obviously distressed about it. I was just trying to do her a favor. The way I initially reacted wasn’t very nice.”

I could hear Steph mutter something under her breath, and then: “but you were flirting with the photographer!”

“Oh, for gods sake!” Tanya exclaimed, and her tone was probably followed by an eyeroll. “I was making a joke, Steph! Lighten up, will you?”

“I just don’t like when you-“ 

“Steph. That’s enough.” Tanya said, and now her voice was icily. “You know how I feel about you, but don’t try to control me. I don’t like that.”

“Tan-“

“I have an interview at two,” Tanya said, and her voice was still ice cold. “I better go and get ready for that.”

“Yes, of course. I’ll help you,” Steph said eagerly. 

“No, there’s no need for that,” Tanya said disinterested. “I’ll ask Cathy to help me. You can take the rest of the day off.”

“Tanya-“

“Take the rest of the day off, Stephanie,” Tanya said, and then I heard footsteps moving away from the wardrobe. 

Steph cursed under her breath, and then she walked away as well. 

Once certain that both women were gone, I dared to emerge from the wardrobe again. This was interesting. Very interesting. Stephanie was definitely not just Tanya’s assistant. She was her lover or girlfriend or whatever too. 

My head was buzzing with thoughts as I walked back towards the meeting room. Was Tanya Goldstein gay? She had certainly kept quiet about it if that really was the case. Maybe she’s bisexual, I mused to myself. My gaydar was usually pretty much on point, and I hadn’t gotten any “vibes” from Tanya Goldstein. Well, at least until today. I suddenly came to the realization that the way she had been “annoying” me during the photoshoot was bordering on flirting. 

And if I had been in denial before, I wasn’t anymore. I was definitely taken by Tanya Goldstein. 

Fucking hell.


	8. A Reporter Walks Into A Bar....

THUD!

I squealed in protest and nearly fell off my chair in surprise at the magazine being thrown on my desk rather suddenly. “What the hell, Boris?” I protested.

“Newest edition,” Boris said and tapped the magazine with his index finger. “Fresh from the press!”

“Which is spectacular,” I said whilst still trying to remember to breathe normally. “But scaring the shit out of me isn’t necessary.”

Boris ignored me. “Look at. That. Cover.” He said and tapped the magazine again. 

I turned my attention away from the laptop screen and looked at the magazine instead. I had to agree with him. That was some cover, alright. Tanya Goldstein with her head tilted backwards, fingers in her hair and a little smirk playing on her lips. 

“Yep, that’s Tanya Goldstein,” I said. 

He scoffed. “Seriously? That’s all you have to say? Come on, Mara, this is one of the best if not the best cover we’ve ever had!”

“Are you appreciating the hard work Leo and I put into our work, or are you just saying this because-“

“My god, she’s hot!” Boris interrupted. His eyes were still plastered to the magazine. 

“Right,” I said and rolled my eyes. As a woman, I couldn’t conduct the way my co-worker was acting right now, but I silently agreed with him. My god, Tanya is hot.

“Leo, Leo, Leo!” Boris said when he spotted the photographer coming out of his own little “office”. “You gotta come and see this!”

Leo came over to us, and he grinned broadly when he saw the magazine. “Well, well. What a talented photographer. I’m thinking he should be awarded for his good work.”

I scoffed and rolled my eyes. 

But Boris laughed as he said: “yeah, yeah, stop patting yourself on the back and look at her!”

Leo did just that, and then he made some sort of disgusting growling sound. “She looks-“

“I know,” Boris said earnestly. “I mean look at that-“

“Stop objectifying her,” I butted in. “She has a brain you know.”

“But her brain isn’t what’s on display, hon,” Leo said. 

I immediately gave him a solid jab in the ribs, and while he groaned his complains I said: “I’ll aim lower the next time you call me “hon”.”

“Okay, okay, I get it,” Leo said and raised his hands in surrender. “I’m sorry, Mara.”

“You better be.”

The door to Ingrid’s office opened and said ice queen stepped outside. “What is all that commotion?” she asked in a chilled tone, and in the same breath: “is that the newest edition of the magazine you have there?” 

Boris appeared to be swallowing something. “Yeah, I just wanted to show-“

“Mr. Anderson, you know perfectly well that the new edition is to be laying on my desk the second it comes in,” Ingrid interrupted and now her voice was ice cold. 

“I know,” Boris said timidly. “I’m sorry.”

Ingrid strode over to us and snatched the magazine. Her blue eyes gleamed dangerously as she glared at Boris. “Mr. Anderson, if I find out that you’ve somehow damaged this magazine, it will affect next months salary.” 

“Yes, Ingrid,” Boris said obediently. 

“And furthermore...” Ingrid said and now she was glaring at both Boris and Leo. “I am well aware that the cover for this month’s edition of Juicy Bits certainly will grab the readers attention, but if I ever   
hear you talk in such a disrespectful manner about miss Goldstein who graciously took her time to be interviewed and photographed, the consequences will be most severe. Am I making myself clear?”

“Crystal clear, ma’am,” Leo squeaked, and I could see the tips of his ears redden. 

“Good,” Ingrid said and then glanced at me. “I’m looking forward to read the full interview, miss Swanson.”

Before I could answer or do anything else for that matter, she spun around on her heels and marched back to her office. The door slammed behind her. 

Boris and Leo exchanged looks, but I shrugged as I turned my attention back to my laptop screen. I didn’t feel sorry for them. Not at all. I was actually with Ingrid on this one. Even if I found Tanya Goldstein to be annoying, she deserved better than to be objectified by a couple of horny dudes.

I resumed my work, but I had barely written a full page before the door opened and Josie, another of the reporters stepped inside the circular office. She had her bag slung over one shoulder, and she was highly engaged in looking at her phone. 

“Found something good?” I asked curiously. 

“I’ve definitely found something that’ll make Leo happy,” Josie answered. 

Leo’s head popped up. “And what’s that? I could use some encouragement.”

“Then come and look at this,” Josie chuckled as she perched herself on the edge of my desk. She turned the screen towards me just as Leo and Boris came over to see what it was. 

I looked at the picture on the phone screen. It was from Tanya Goldstein’s Instagram. The picture had been uploaded ten minutes ago, and I recognized it as one of the “spare pictures” Leo had taken of her. It was the one where Tanya was posing for the camera with her eyes closed, her lips parted, her back arched and her fingers in her hair. As a caption, Tanya had written: “professional people doing professional stuff. Photography is a brilliant thing, and a photographer who can find the good angles is even better!” and she had tagged Leo. And linked to his Instagram account.

Leo fist pumped the air, and made some sort of noise of triumph, but I was busier looking at the likes and comments. Tanya had uploaded this picture eleven minutes ago, and it already had around 50.000 likes. And just as many comments. ‘Oh my god, do you even have a bad angle?!’ someone had written. And another had commented: ‘dear god! Give us a warning the next time, damnit!’. Another had simply commented with a series of suggestive emojis. But it was the last comment I picked up on that also was the most interesting one. ‘Are you posing for a magazine cover, or are you posing for SOMEONE?? To me, this looks rather intimate. Any chance you’re dating the photographer? 😉’

My jaw clenched. Damn. I bet Steph is just over the moon about that comment!

But someone that was over the moon was Leo. He checked his phone and then whooped in triumph. His Instagram account had clearly blown up. 

“Okay, this calls for a celebration!” he loudly proclaims. “Drinks. Saturday night all of us. On me!”

Now the entire office whooped. At least until Ingrid poked her head out of her office and glared. Everything went silent then. 

“Are you gonna invite Ingrid too?” I asked dryly. 

“Yes, obviously,” Leo joked but then sobered up whilst lowering his voice: “hell no.”

“The person you should be inviting is Tanya Goldstein,” Boris teased. “Then you can thank her in person.”

Josie laughed. “Sorry, but I think that she’s a little too busy for that.”

Yeah, busy with Steph, I thought to myself as I remembered the conversation I had overheard when I was hiding in the wardrobe yesterday. I was still entirely too interested in the fact that Tanya was bisexual. I frowned a little. If that’s even what she is. Has she ever been seen with a boyfriend? I knew the answer to that. No, she hadn’t. Not even for events. She had always come with Fred, but he was her bodyguard. That was different. I tilted my head slightly as I considered it. Could Tanya Goldstein be a lesbian? I scoffed. And suppose she is? What the hell does it matter? It’s not like I have a chance anyway...

I blinked and immediately snapped out of it. Since when did I want a chance with Tanya Goldstein? Yes, I was “taken by her”, but so were everybody else. I was no different from them. Wait no, I actually was. Because I knew for a fact that both Leo and Boris had fantasized about Tanya Goldstein at least once. I hadn’t. Definitely not. 

I was so lost in my own head I barely noticed that I agreed along with everyone else when Leo invited us to the bar “Birds and the Bees” this Saturday. I knew the bar. It wasn’t too far from Juicy Bits’ headquarter, and I had been there quite a few times. Often by myself, and given how sad that was, I forced myself to snap out of it and act just as enthusiastic as everyone else. It was better to act as though going to a bar was a rarity and not something I did every weekend.

*************************

“You sure you don’t want to go with us?” I asked that Saturday. I was in the middle of applying mascara to my lashes, but I had left the door to the bedroom half open so I could still talk to Angie.

“No thanks,” Angie said. “I think I’ll sit this one out.”

“Cooper is coming over,” I answered, and it was more a statement than a question, really.

“Yes he is,” Angie confirmed. 

“Alright,” I said and sat the mascara down and grabbed my lipstick instead. I didn’t bother putting on a ton of makeup for this. It was just a couple of drinks with my co-workers. Nothing wild at all. “I won’t be home late.”

“You said that the last time too,” Angie said dryly. “And you ended up coming dangling back here at four in the morning.” 

“I know, but this time I mean it,” I said firmly. “I’m really not planning on staying out late. I’ll just have one or two drinks.”

“Don’t have any tequila,” Angie half-warned and cackled. 

“I wouldn’t dream of it, mommy.” I deadpanned. 

I heard Angie laugh quietly, and then: “how are you gonna get home?” 

“If Laura isn’t drinking, she’ll give me a ride, but if she does drink, I’ll take a taxi,” I said as I carefully wiped the corners of my mouth for any left over lipstick. 

“Alright,” Angie said. “But if either of those plans goes to shit for whatever reason, give me a call and I’ll come and get you.”

“You’re the best,” I smiled as I emerged from the bathroom and went into my own room to get changed. I wasn’t aiming for anything fancy, but the shirt I had worn today did have a ketchup stain on it. I couldn’t go out in that.

I opened the closet and scanned every inch of it in the hopes to come across my black, ripped jeans. My “going out”-jeans. They had been my preferred choice for a while now. But obviously they weren’t in the closet today. 

I groaned quietly when I remembered that I had crammed the jeans into the washing machine this morning. Damn it. Now what?

“Leather pants,” Angie said as she nonchalantly came into my room. Without knocking.

I scoffed. “I am not going to wear my leather pants for a night out with my co-workers, Ang!”

“Yes you are,” Angie said as she without further ado reached inside my closet and pulled the leather pants out. 

“Seriously?” I said and rolled my eyes. 

“Mhmm,” Angie said. “And you’re going to wear them with.... this.” she pulled a tight fitted, white tanktop out of my closet. “And your boots.”

“Angie! Stop going through my closet.”

“And this,” Angie continued and didn’t pay any attention to my protests as she grabbed my black leather jacket and hauled it out of my closet. “I know that wearing all leather is ballsy, but you can pull it off.”

“I don’t want to pull it off-“

“Don’t be ridiculous, of course you do,” Angie said and scoffed. “You’ve been moping around in sweatpants and flannel shirts for too long.”

“I have not.” Yes, I had. Angie was absolutely right. 

“Put the clothes on,” Angie said and looked utterly triumphant as she left my room. 

“Fine,” I muttered to the now closed door. I continued to grumble and curse under my breath as I stripped out of my washed out jeans and stained t-shirt. I started with the easiest part. The tanktop. Once I had put that on, I moved along to the difficult part. The leather pants. Getting those on was always a bit of a workout. You really had to want it. Tonight was no exception. I cursed and complained and swore that I would burn those pants on the stake as I twisted my body in unnatural angles to get the damn pants on. For a moment it felt as though I was stuck, but then the pants slid up the rest of the way, and I was able to zip and button them. I panted slightly from sheer effort and wiped my forehead as I glanced at myself in the full-figure mirror. The pants were on, and it actually didn’t look too bad. 

Damn. I had forgotten how tight these pants are. Seriously, the way the pants clung to me and accentuated every part of me, almost made me feel self-conscious, but then I scoffed. I didn’t care whether I was overdoing it or not. Angie was right. I needed a change from sweatpants and flannel shirts. 

I shrugged my leather jacket on, forced my feet into my boots and then left my room.

Angie looked up when I came into the living room. “Ooooh,” she smirked. “Look at that. Mara Swanson is back in the game!”

“Uhh, no she’s not,” I said firmly. “I’m going out for a couple of drinks with my co-workers.”

“I’ll bet ten bucks that someone will find you interesting before the night is over.”

“You’ll be the one owing me ten bucks,” I warned. Seriously, I wasn’t back in any game. I wasn’t looking for anything besides a nice time with my co-workers. 

“Have a good time,” Angie said and flashed me a smile. 

“Yeah. You too,” I said a bit cheekily. “And I’m warning you, if I hear one peep from your room while Cooper is there-“

“Excuse me, we’re more than capable of keeping quiet!” Angie interrupted and waggled an eyebrow. “There is such a thing as biting a pillow...” 

“Stop it,” I interrupted and covered my ears. “I don’t wanna know, okay?”

“You know, maybe we should pass on that advise to Mr. and Mrs. Smith,” Angie mused.

I laughed. “Yeah, maybe. I can scribble it down and then slip the note underneath their door.”

Angie laughed too. “You wouldn’t dare.”

“Wouldn’t I?”

“God, Mara, it’s not a challenge.”

“It could be. Seriously, I’m tired of listening to them every Wednesday night!”

“So am I, but I sort of admire their consistence too,” Angie said and chuckled. 

I shook my head slightly. Maybe it was impressive that they stuck to their “routine”, but still, listening to their headboard banging against the wall every Wednesday was less than appealing. 

I checked my phone. Laura was gonna be here shortly. I stretched my arms above my head. This had sort of been a busy week. I knew exactly what I was gonna do tomorrow. Sleep. And then I would have to call my mother. I sighed quietly. I couldn’t keep postponing it. It wasn’t like she was gonna stop calling just because I did. Oh well. I would just have to get it over with. I would give her an update on my life and then I would end the call. Nice and easy. No drama. Right. And in what reality are you living in?

My phone beeped. Laura was here. I said goodbye to Angie and then left.

Birds and Bees were fairly crammed with people already, but we managed to squeeze inside and find an available table. 

“So!” Boris said briskly once all of us were seated. “What are we having? Leo is buying, so please do me the favor and buy something expensive!”

Both Laura and Will laughed at that, and Leo rolled his eyes.

It didn’t take long before we were discovered by a waiter, and all seven of us ordered our drinks. I stayed far away from tequila. 

“You look great tonight,” Jackie said and flashed me a little smile. 

“Oh. Thanks. It was my roommate who said I should,” I joked and shifted slightly on my seat. 

“And she was right about that,” Jackie said and flashed me another smile. 

I returned the smile, but with some caution. I knew that Jackie had some.... interest in me. I knew that she had done a mighty bad job at acting sad when she found out that Lily and I had ended things, and I also knew that I wasn’t interested in Jackie. No way I was gonna pursue anything with her. Bad work policy. But I also wasn’t interested in her. She was nice and all, but she was just my co-worker. Nothing more than that. 

The waiter gave us our drinks, and all of us toasted to Leo and his “kick ass pictures”. His own words. He was a damn good photographer, but he also had the biggest ego in all of Los Angeles. Today’s success had definitely overinflated his ego further. 

“You might have taken the pictures, but Mara did the interview,” Jackie pointed out. “We should toast to her too.”

“Right. Of course,” Leo said and smiled at me. “To Mara and her kick ass interview”. 

I laughed as I bowed my head in mock modesty. It would have been very sweet of Jackie if it wasn’t because I knew exactly why she did it.

Leo was clearly on a roll tonight. It didn’t take him long to empty his drink and then order another. I really hoped he wasn’t planning on driving home tonight. That wouldn’t end well if he continued like this. 

I stuck to my one drink. Most of my co-workers quickly ordered drink number two. They were clearly aiming for a fun night out. I was aiming for a quick drink and then home and straight to bed. I took a small sip of my drink. Leo was in a very good mood, and he generously ordered Laura another drink. I scoffed quietly. If they continued like that, they would end up in the bar’s bathroom pretty soon. Leo certainly looked like he had every intention of cozying up to Laura, and Laura looked rather delighted. I took a sip of my drink. I might be witnessing the beginning of an office romance. Or an office scandal. Either way, it’s free entertainment. I certainly wasn’t planning on telling them that this was a bad idea and they probably would regret tomorrow. They were both adults. They would have to figure things out for themselves. I emptied my drink and glanced discreetly at my phone. I had been here for a pathetically short time, and I was already debating when I could go home. Maybe I’m getting too old for this shit. Maybe I should have just blown them off and stayed home with Netflix and my bed. I could handle another episode of Gentleman Jack right now. Or maybe two. Or maybe I should just binge all of it when I get home. I could make some popcorn. Caramel popcorn. Netflix and popcorn in my bed. That didn’t sound half-bad. 

“Mara! Come and dance with me,” Boris said and grinned at me. 

“No thanks,” I said. “I don’t really feel like dancing tonight. 

“Oh, come on!” he said. “You’re young and free and you’ve just nailed an important interview! You should be celebrating!”

“Which I am. From my chair,” I said a bit dryly. 

“And with an empty drink,” he commented.

“I don’t need another drink, Boris.” I said firmly. “I don’t really want to drink tonight either.”

“Alright. Suit yourself,” he said as he threw his attention on Jackie and asked her to dance instead. 

Jackie glanced at me, but I made sure to avoid all eye contact. I didn’t want her to believe anything. It worked. She went out on the dance floor with Boris. 

That was when the bartender appeared with two drinks in hand. He gave Laura one of them and then turned to me as he said: “and one for you.”

“I didn’t order this,” I said annoyed. Why couldn’t Boris and Leo just mind their own business? I hadn’t asked them to order another drink for me. 

“I know,” the bartender said. “It’s courtesy from the woman over there,” he nodded towards a table nearby. 

“Oh,” I said slightly surprised. I hadn’t expected that. 

“Enjoy,” the bartender said and walked away. 

I grabbed the glass and turned my head towards the woman sitting at the table nearby. I nodded slightly as I took a sip of my drink. 

She did the same thing, and I was sure I saw her made a slight nodding gesture towards the empty chair next to her. 

I pursed my lips slightly. I wasn’t interested in anything, but still, it was nice to be noticed. That hadn’t happened to me in a while, and I had almost forgotten how it felt to be approached and offered a drink by a stranger in a bar. 

I only took about two seconds to consider it. Then I grabbed my drink and hopped off my chair. I tried to appear confident yet nonchalant as I walked over to the table. I could hear Leo asking where I was going, and then he laughed when Laura told him about the drink I had just been served. 

I ignored them and turned my attention to the brunette woman sitting at the table in front of me. She was wearing a grey strapless dress, and even though she was sitting down, I could easily see that the dress clung to her body. 

“Hi,” I said. 

“Hello,” she replied. 

“Mind if I sit?” I asked nonchalantly. 

“I was hoping that you would,” she smirked. 

So far so good. I sat down across her. “Thanks for the drink.” 

“You’re welcome,” she said and flicked a lock of dark hair behind her ear. “I wasn’t completely sure what you liked, so...”

“This is perfect,” I assured and took a swig of my drink. 

“Good. I chose well.”

“You sure did,” I smiled. “I’m Mara.”

She chuckled a little. “Yes, you are.”

Okay, cheesy pick up line, but I can work with that. No wait. I’m not here to be picked up by anyone, so maybe it’s completely fine that she’s using a cheesy line. 

“So, what’s your name?” I asked and took a swig of my drink. I was not flirting. I just wanted to know the name of the woman who had bought me a drink. It was common courtesy. That was all.

“Tammie,” the brunette said and chuckled again. It was actually more of a laugh than a chuckle, really.

“Tammie. That’s a very pretty-“ no wait a second. Full stop. I’ve heard that laughter before. I’m actually pretty fucking sure I’ve dreamed of it a few times. 

I blinked and then looked more thoroughly at the brunette. Brunette, my ass. Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice shame on me!

“Tanya?” I said quietly, not wanting to draw attention to us. There was probably a reason why she was wearing that wig. I just hoped it was for something more than messing with me.

“Tammie,” she corrected and made a “shh!” gesture. Her blue eyes sparkled. 

“What are you doing here?” I asked hushed. 

She shrugged. “I wanted to have a drink.” 

“I think there’s a bar at your fancy hotel,” I pointed out and rolled my eyes slightly. 

“I wanted to go out,” Tanya corrected. “I was going a bit stir crazy.”

“Right.” how is it possible to go stir crazy in an enormous hotel? 

She took a sip of her drink. “I saw the latest edition of Juicy Bits a few days ago.”

“I know you did,” I said. I felt oddly jealous at the way she had praised Leo and not me. I knew it was childish, but I couldn’t help it. 

“The interview looks good,” Tanya said and took a sip of her drink again. “It was nice to see that my answers hasn’t been changed. You’ve made me seem like an actual person and not just a brainless blonde. Good job.”

“Oh, uhh... Thank you?” I said slightly baffled. 

She flashed me a smile as she raised her glass. “Cheers.”

“Cheers,” I said and willingly clinked my glass with hers. Then I took a sip of my drink. “This is good. I normally aim for beer. What exactly am I drinking?” 

“Between The Sheets.”

I coughed as the liquid trickled down the wrong pipe. “I’m sorry?”

“The name of the drink,” Tanya said nonchalantly and took a sip of her own drink.

“Right,” I said and took another sip of my drink. I had no idea whether she was joking or not, but I did know that I didn’t want to investigate further. 

Tanya looked rather amused as she glanced at me over the rim of her glass. 

“Are you here all alone?” I asked and glanced around in the bar. Where’s Steph? She was glued to Tanya the three previous times I’ve seen her.

Tanya shrugged. “Fred’s here somewhere.”

I glanced around in the bar once more.

“Don’t try and find him,” Tanya chuckled. “Part of his job is to be discreet.”

“Yeah. Right.”

Tanya emptied her drink. “Do you want one more?”

“No thanks. I’m all good,” I said and tapped the glass once. “But why did you... Why did you buy me a drink?” 

“Why not?” Tanya shrugged. “You’re not like all the other reporters who has asked me all sorts of inappropriate questions. Your interview is the best I’ve read so far. I wanted to say thank you.”

“You don’t need to thank me,” I said and smiled a little. “I was just doing my job. That’s all.”

“Alright,” Tanya said lightly. “Then lets say you interest me. That’s why I bought you a drink.”

“I interest you?”

“Yes,” Tanya said simply. “You’ve made quite the impression.”

“Because I spilled coffee all over myself?” I said, now frowning slightly. I could detect a hint of amusement in her voice. 

Tanya chuckled. “I’ll admit that was an interesting way to get my attention, but not quite the reason why I bought you a drink.”

I settled with that, but at the same I was overflowing with questions. Isn’t she dating Steph? That thing I overheard between them was definitely a lover’s quarrel. 

But right now, I couldn’t bring myself to care about Steph. 

“Do you want to dance?” Tanya asked nonchalantly.

Once again, she completely blindsided me. “What?” 

“D-a-n-c-e,” Tanya teased and chuckled. “Do you want to?” 

I almost wanted to laugh at the absurdity. Do I want to dance with Tanya Goldstein? Uhmm, yes! 

“Yeah, that sounds good,” I said and tried to sound nonchalant. 

She downed the rest of her drink and then rose from her seat. “Come on, then.”

Was it an order or not? I didn’t care. I simply followed her out on the dance floor. 

Tanya was a good dancer. Of course she was. I remembered that scene on Love Me Not where Celeste Bellamy had been dancing. I had been impressed then, and I was impressed now. And relieved too actually. This was a rather fast song. It didn’t require an enormous amount of body contact between Tanya and me. Her for-the-night dark hair billowed as she spun around and faced me. Her blue eyes sparkled, and it was impossible for me not to lock eyes with her. I couldn’t figure her out. One moment she was laughing at my misfortune, and the next she was buying me drinks and praising my work. I was confused, and I nearly groaned as Ellie Goulding kept singing about how everything could happen. 

Tanya smiled at me, and as the music switched to another song, she moved closer to me and put her hands on my hips. “You don’t mind this, do you?”

“No,” I said truthfully, because how could I possibly mind this? I was dancing with Tanya Goldstein. 

“I’ve got a burning desire for you, baby,  
I’ve got a burning desire for you, baby...”

Okay, maybe I should pay less attention to the lyrics. Yeah, that seemed like a pretty good idea.

“Your hands are on my hips,  
Your name is on my lips,  
Over and over again,  
Like my only prayer...”

“Good song, isn’t it?” Tanya said nonchalantly as she shifted some so her body was more firmly pressed against mine. 

“Yeah, it is.”

“Everyone knows who I’m try’na get to you, baby,  
I’m feeling scared and you know it...”

The beat of the music seemed to seep right into my body. More specifically straight to my abdomen. I could feel my core reacting to having Tanya this close, and suddenly my leather pants felt entirely too tight. And this bar felt far too warm. Shit, what the hell is she doing to me?

“Have you been to this bar many times?” Tanya asked nonchalantly.

“A... few times,” I said and tried to focus on what she was saying. “Have you?”

“No,” Tanya said as she pushed her hips forwards slightly. “It’s my first visit here.”

“I see.” I said plainly. She was still alarmingly close to me. I could smell her sweet perfume. I could even see a teeny tiny freckle she had just above her collarbone. 

“Do you think there’s any chance your boss might send you back for a follow up interview?” Tanya asked, and her voice dropped to a sultrily whisper. 

“Uhh... I don’t think so.”

“Hmm. A shame,” she said as we spun around. Her hands were still on my hips as she said: “then maybe you should stop by my hotel anyway sometimes.”

Okay, what the hell?! My brain completely blue screened. 

Tanya laughed. “I suppose I’ve just overstepped quite a few boundaries, haven’t I? You must be thinking all sorts of things about me now...”

Oh believe me, the only things I’m thinking right now are far, far beyond those “boundaries”. 

Before I could answer, Fred appeared. Seemingly out of nowhere. He discreetly tapped Tanya on the shoulder once and then muttered something in her ear. 

Tanya nodded and released her soft grip on my hips. “I’m afraid I have to go now. I gotta be up early tomorrow. You know what it’s like.”

I really didn’t, but I still said: “okay.”

“But maybe we’ll see each other again?” Tanya said lowly. “I mean... You never know what’s gonna happen, do you?”

I just shook my head.

She laughed. “I’ll see you around, miss Swanson. Soon, I hope.”

“Yeah, I’ll... See you around.”

With that she and Fred left. The bodyguard was discreetly walking behind her.

I felt completely dizzy as I turned around and tried to find my way back to the table, I had been sharing with my co-workers.......


	9. Returning The Favor

“Mara!”

I groaned and tugged the pillow over my head in an attempt to block out the noise.

“Mara!”

“Noooo,” I croaked. Seriously, it was Sunday morning, and I wanted to sleep in for once. Why the hell did Angie screech like a mad banshee?!

“Maraaaa!”

“Go away!” I hissed. “I’m sleeping!”

“Yeah, so was I. Until your phone started blaring.” Now her voice was alarmingly close to my ear. She had clearly entered my room without permission.

“Why is it that you have to leave it in the kitchen every night?!” she demanded. “Just bring it into your room like a normal person, damn it!”

“Who is it?” I groaned without moving the pillow from my head. “If that’s my mom calling tell her that I’ve immigrated to Bethlehem!”

“I don’t think it’s your mom,” Angie yawned. 

I cursed under my breath as I removed the pillow from my head. I cracked one eye open, and the blurry shape of Angie came into view. “Who is it then?”

“Hell if I know,” Angie said annoyed. “All I know is that your fucking phone has just forced me out of bed too early on a Sunday morning. Make it stop!” with that she dumped my phone on the bed, left my room and slammed the door behind her. 

I moaned a little as I buried my face under the pillow once more and pulled the covers over me. I was just about to nod off again when my phone began screeching. 

“Make. It. Stop!” Angie yelled from her room. 

Okay, she had a point. This was annoying. “Jesus Christ,” I hissed as I ripped the pillow away from my head and then scrabbled to find the phone. I forced my eyes open and blinked a few times, trying to focus on the number. I didn’t recognize it. Maybe it’s someone who wants to sell me something. Or maybe it was Ingrid who called to dump more work on me. It wouldn’t be the first time she had done that, and for a moment I felt very tempted to press “ignore call” and then go back to bed. Case closed. But if it really was Ingrid, she would most likely go on and on about it tomorrow when I came into work. Ergo I had to take the call.

Fuck it. 

“Hello?” I said croakily and cringed. That sounded very professional. I cleared my throat and tried again. “Hello?”

“Miss Swanson?” a vaguely familiar man’s voice said in the other end. 

“Yeah?” I asked as I struggled to place the voice. But my mind was still foggy from sleeping, and I felt completely groggy. 

“This is Fred Weston,” the man said.

“Uhh...” wait a second, Fred Weston? As in Tanya’s bodyguard? Why the hell is he calling me? I rubbed my face. This didn’t make sense. 

“Miss Swanson? Are you there?”

“Yeah,” I croaked. “Yeah, of course. I’m here. What can I... What can I do for you, Mr. Weston?”

“I’m calling on behalf of Tanya Goldstein,” Fred said a bit formally. “During your previous interview with miss Goldstein, you spilled coffee on yourself. Is that correct?”

I blinked, feeling more and more puzzled by this unexpected wake up call. “Yeah, I did. That’s right.”

“And miss Goldstein leant you a shirt, isn’t that right?”

“Actually, I think it was her assistant who leant me a shirt.”

“Either way,” Fred said. “Miss Goldstein has asked me to make sure the shirt is returned to her.”

I blinked again. “You’re calling me because Tan- miss Goldstein wants the shirt back?”

“Yes, that would be correct, miss Swanson.”

Wow. Imagine having someone doing that for you. “Alright then,” I said and rubbed a hand over my face once more. “I’ll make sure that the shirt is send back to the hotel.”

“Actually, miss Goldstein would prefer if you could deliver the shirt personally.”

“Personally?” I repeated dumbly. 

“Yes, miss Swanson. That’s what miss Goldstein said.”

I opened my mouth but then closed it again. What was it, Tanya had said last night? She had asked if it was possible that Ingrid would send me back to the hotel for a follow-up interview. And when I had said that it was unlikely, she had said that maybe I should come back to her hotel anyway. My heart started to thrum a little faster in my chest when I remembered how Tanya and I had danced last night. How her hands had been on my hips...

“Miss Swanson?”

“Yeah,” I said and tried not to squeak my answer. “Yeah, alright. I’ll bring the shirt over. No problem.”

“Excellent,” Fred said. “Miss Goldstein would prefer if you could come over tonight.”

“Tonight?!” I repeated, and now I was definitely squeaking. 

“Yes miss Swanson,” Fred said, and now he sounded a bit impatient. “Miss Goldstein has a very busy schedule. I’m sure you can understand that.”

“O....kay,” I said dumbly. “I get it. I’ll stop by with the shirt tonight.”

“Good,” Fred said in the other end. “Miss Goldstein will be pleased to hear that. Goodbye miss Swanson. I apologize for having waken you.”

“You didn’t-“

Click. 

“Wake me,” I lamely finished the sentence. My head was spinning. Did Tanya Goldstein just make up an excuse to see me again? I think she did. Holy...

Well, going back to sleep now was definitely out of the question. There was no way I would be able to do that. I rubbed a hand over my face and then hopped out of bed. 

My mind was spinning as I stood under the warm spray of water, and I was starting to seriously considering whether I was actually still dreaming. I used the good old trick and pinched my thigh. It hurt like a right bitch. Guess that means I’m awake then. Good to know. I ran my fingers through my hair to ensure that I had gotten all the shampoo out. I hadn’t even planned on showering today. The only thing I had planned on was Netflix and camping in my bed. But now I suddenly had other plans. I thought about Tanya. How we had danced last night. How she had gripped my hips tightly. The smell of her perfume. A shiver ran down my spine. Suddenly I felt wet for reasons that had absolutely nothing to do with the water still pouring down on me. 

I shifted slightly under the warm stream. Maybe I wasn’t a crazy fan, but Tanya Goldstein had most certainly wormed her way into my head. And I was gonna meet her tonight. I could feel my heart thrum in my chest once more. 

After a while I stepped out of the shower and rubbed a towel over my hair. And then I cringed as I wiped the mirror. God, my hair was sticking up. Why the fuck had I ever decided that cutting it was a good idea?! I should definitely have listened to Angie when she warned me. 

I grabbed my bathrobe from the hanger and shrugged it on. Now I needed coffee. To wake up properly, but also as a remedy for last night. I wasn’t exactly hungover. Not like I had been the morning after my first run in with Tanya, but I did have a bit of a headache. Most likely because of the loud music in the bar last night. The bar. I chuckled. If I hadn’t been at that bar last night, I would never have seen Tanya. We wouldn’t have danced, and I wouldn’t have gotten a surprise invitation. 

Life was funny like that sometimes. 

I glared at my reflection and then tried to fix my hair a little. 

I padded into the kitchen and opened the fridge. I needed breakfast, and I needed breakfast right now. 

I had just sliced myself two pieces of toast and forces the uneven slices into the toaster when Angie came stumbling into the kitchen. “Why are you making so much noise?!” she groaned. “It’s Sunday, for fucks sake!”

“So go back to sleep,” I teased. 

“I would have, if my roommate hadn’t decided to roam around in the kitchen at shit o’clock!”

I chuckled at that.

“Seriously, what is the deal with you and your sudden boost of energy?” Angie asked and hid a massive yawn behind her hand. 

“We don’t live forever? Seize the day?” I suggested.

“Bull,” Angie said plainly. “What’s going on?” her eyes widened in fear. “Oh my god, it actually was your mother on the phone, wasn’t it? She’s coming here. That’s why you’re up and dressed before nine o’clock.”

I chuckled. “Don’t be ridiculous. She’s not coming here.”

“Oh. Thank god,” Angie said and scratched her chin. “Then who was it on the phone then?”

“Fred Weston,” I said truthfully and jumped a little as the toaster made a loud pop! Knowing that my toast couldn’t possibly be done yet, I forced the uneven slices back into the toaster. 

“Who?” Angie said and ran a finger through her messy hair.

“Tanya Goldstein’s bodyguard,” I clarified. 

All signs of sleepiness left Angie’s face, and her voice was every bit sharp and Angie-like when she asked: “why is Tanya Goldstein’s bodyguard calling you at seven on a Sunday morning?”

I shrugged, tried to be nonchalant as I said: “well, when I managed to spill coffee on myself during that interview, Tanya or her assistant or whatever leant me a shirt. And now she wants that back.”

Angie raised an eyebrow. “That’s why her bodyguard called you? To have her shirt back?”

“Yep,” I confirmed. “I’m swinging by her hotel tonight and giving it back.”

Angie shrugged and muttered something about waking people before dawn. 

I didn’t say anything. I chose not to tell her that the story about the shirt was an excuse on Tanya’s behalf. I hadn’t told Angie about how Tanya and I had danced at that bar last night either. I had been pretty beat when I came home, and actually a little unsure whether I was reading too much into it. 

But not anymore. I was pretty sure Tanya wanted more from me than just her shirt.

That day I did something that I normally didn’t do: I worried about my clothes. I wanted to look nice. No doubt about that. I felt tempted to wear my leather pants again, but then I remembered how I had wrestled with the zipper for almost twenty minutes when I came home last night. For someone who just wanted to go to bed, it had been a bit on a hell on earth. I nixed that idea. And then decided to wear black jeans that had artistically been ripped here and there. I paired them with a grey t-shirt that we a bit more tight fitted than my usual t-shirts were. And a bit more lowcut too. I was definitely revealing more cleavage than I normally would, but I actually didn’t care. Angie had been right. I had been moping around in flannel shirts and sweatpants for far too long. 

I also bemoaned my hair more than ever that day. To put it plainly, it looked horrible, and I ended up trying on several beanies in an attempt to do something about it. But I nixed all the beanies just as quickly. For some reason that only made it look more horrible. Fuck that hairdresser who told me that this would be a mix between Meg Ryan and Mia Farrow. Just... fuck her. My hairstyle was definitely not a middle thing between Meg Ryan and Mia Farrow. It was a middle thing between “awful” and “what the hell have you done to yourself”. I’d never do something to my hair again. Not even when I longed for a change because my life was shitty. No, from now on I would let my hair grow and grow and grow.   
In the end I had sloshed a bit of gel in my hair to give it a bit of that tousled “just rolled out of bed”-appeal. I wasn’t completely sure how well I succeeded, but I didn’t bother doing anything about it. I had already spend so long on choosing and discarding beanies. 

Since Fred hadn’t mentioned exactly when I was supposed to come to the hotel, I figured that I would have to pick out a time myself. And so I did. I ended up deciding that eight seemed like a good time. I would have had dinner, and it wouldn’t be too late to show up at the hotel. 

Angie and I didn’t do much that day. We were mostly sitting on the couch, watching Netflix, and at some point, Angie mentioned with a snicker how amusing and slightly spoilt she had found it, that Tanya Goldstein had made her bodyguard call me about the shirt. 

I just shrugged. I supposed I could see the amusing in big, silent Fred Weston calling about a missing shirt, but actually I was more interested in knowing why Steph hadn’t been the one to make that call? 

She was Tanya’s assistant, right? And clearly her... something else too. 

Oh well. I suppose I would find out tonight when I went to see Tanya. When I went to see Tanya. It still felt completely ridiculous and surreal. As did the way we had danced last night. My stomach was still tingling pleasantly at that memory. 

That same night, I grabbed my bag and casually told Angie that I would be heading over to the hotel to return Tanya’s shirt. Angie laughed and found that to be hilarious, and then she warned me not to ask Tanya about her favorite position again.

“I’ll try not to,” I deadpanned. 

She snickered and sounded like a ten year old who had just delivered a dirty joke. “I’ll never not find that funny.”

“I can sense that,” I said dryly as I shrugged on my denim jacket. 

She snickered again. “Cooper might be coming later.” 

“Is that a warning or a premonition?” I asked, deadpanning once more. 

A faint blush rose in Angie’s cheeks. “I did not mean it like that!”

“The heart wants what it wants,” I teased. 

“Okay, want me to come over there and kick your ass?” Angie asked nonchalantly. “Because I’d have zero problems doing that, Swanson!”

“Mercy,” I said dramatically as I held up my hands in mock surrender. 

“Get out of here,” Angie mock sneered. “Go and return the shirt to Ms. Fancy film star. And don’t forget to ask for her autograph.”

I snorted. “I’m not gonna do that. Don’t you think I’ve humiliated myself enough as it is?”

“Who said the autograph was for you?” Angie said.

“Then you’ll have to ask her yourself,” I said and rolled my eyes as I wrestled a bit with getting my boots on. 

“Come onnn,” Angie coaxed. “If you ask her, I’ll.... clean the dishes for a month.”

“Cute offer, but I’ll have to pass,” I said darkly. “Like hell I’m gonna embarrass myself further in front of her.”

“And why is that?” Angie asked a bit mockingly and then snapped her fingers in equal mock realization. “Oh yes, that’s right! You’re sweet on her.”

“You’re seeing ghosts in broad daylight,” I firmly declared. Memories of how Tanya and I had danced last night flittered through my mind. I was definitely attracted to her, but sweet on her? What did that even mean?

Angie just laughed in that “I don’t believe a word you say”-manner. 

I decided that ignoring her was my best bet. I didn’t want to say anything and accidental walking into whatever twisted word trap she had set up for me. Instead I simply crouched down, zipped my boots and then announced: “I’m off.”

“Bye-bye,” Angie singsong’ed. 

Fortunately enough, I knew exactly how to make her shut up: “have fun with Cooper.”

She glared at me, and I glared right back. 1-1. 

I chuckled as I left the apartment and wandered down the many stairs. 

I reached the Ritz-Carlton in good time, and I used the extra few minutes to check my appearance in the mirror. Maybe I should have used extra lipstick, but it was too late to change anything now. I briefly glanced at myself. My blue eyes were too wide, and my skin was just a little bit too flushed. I groaned quietly. Tanya Goldstein was affecting me, and she wasn’t even here for crying out loud!

I grabbed my bag and exited the car. I marched towards the hotel’s entrance, and as per usual, Fred was standing right by the door. 

“Miss Swanson. Good evening,” he said ever so formally. 

“Hi,” I said a bit lamely. I was trying to hold back laughter. I couldn’t physically comprehend that this big, serious guy in his neat suit had phoned me to ask about a shirt. It was so absurd. 

“Miss Goldstein is waiting for you,” he continued as he opened the door for me in a gentlemanly fashion. 

Is she now? Of course I didn’t say that. Instead I just followed him inside the hotel. 

As so many times before, he followed me into the elevator. He didn’t say anything as he pushed a button, but I was sure he was looking at me. Measuring me from head to toe. I turned my head and returned his stare. Two could play this game. I wasn’t about to be stared down. Not even by someone who was the size of a bear. 

Fred was the first one to look away, and I felt every bit satisfied with that.

This time, we were apparently going to meet at a place called “WP24 by Wolfgang Puck” at the hotel. Soon the elevator came to a stop, and Fred stepped out and then pointed me in the right direction: “right this way, miss Swanson.”

I went into the restaurant and took a moment to gape at what I was seeing. Talk about room with a view. This place was fantastic. An amazing skyline. That shouldn’t have surprised me given how we were up on the 24th floor. There were lanterns hanging from the ceiling, and the whole place seemed incredibly modern and posh. And now I felt horrible for not having chosen a dress or something. I was most definitely underdressed. But it was a bit too late to change anything. 

I sat down at a table near the windows so I could admire the skyline. I shoved my bag under the table and absentmindedly drummed my fingers against the cloth covered table. And then I wondered why Fred always said, “miss Goldstein is waiting for you”. She literally wasn’t. And she literally hadn’t been for any of my meetings with her. Maybe she liked making an entrance or something like that. Yeah. That was probably the case. 

As soon as I had sat down, a sleek looking waiter appeared and sat down two drinks. One for me, and one placed opposite me. 

I thanked him and then waited. Tapped my foot up and down. Waited some more. That drink looked good, but it seemed kinda rude to dig in before Tanya showed up.

Faint footsteps caught my attention, and I turned my head. My mouth went dry as she stepped into the restaurant’s dimmed light. Talk about showing up. That was Tanya alright. Tanya with her long golden hair arranged in a fishtail plait. Tanya wearing a midnight blue dress with a slit up her left thigh and a cropped leather jacket over the dress. I stopped thinking for a millisecond as she walked over to the table and gracefully sat down in the empty seat across me. 

“Mara,” she said, and her grey eyes gleamed slightly. 

“Tanya,” I parroted and then, acknowledging how dazed I sounded and wanting to make up for that: “or is it Tammie?” 

Tanya laughed, unbothered by the jab. “I can be Tanya or Tammie.... Whichever you prefer.”

And how the hell did she manage to make that sound suggestive, I wondered as she raised her drink. “Cheers.”

“Cheers,” I parroted as I raised my own drink and took a small sip. It tasted exactly as good as it looked. 

Tanya flashed me a little smile and her grey eyes gleamed in the faint light from the lanterns dangling from the ceiling above us.

“Is that a trick you often use?” I asked. 

“Is what a trick, Mara?” Tanya asked and folded her hands elegantly. 

I shrugged. “Putting on a wig and calling yourself Tammie.”

Tanya chuckled. “I’d lie if I said that I’ve never tried it before. But so far you’re the first one to recognize me so quickly.”

“It was your laughter,” I said and ignored the way heat colored my cheeks. “I could recognize your laughter.”

In response Tanya took another sip of her drink. 

I did the same. Took a sip of my drink. My surprisingly pink drink. The taste of alcohol prickled on my tongue. “What am I drinking tonight?” I inquired nonchalantly and took another sip. I could taste both vodka and cranberry juice. 

“Pink Silk Panties.”

Exactly like last night, her answer took me by surprise, and I choked slightly on the liquid.

Tanya chuckled in response. 

I looked up to determine whether she was serious or not. It could go both ways. Her eyes were full of mischief and amusement. Maybe she was serious. Maybe she wasn’t. 

“Right then. And what are you drinking?” I inquired. 

Tanya’s smile grew at that, and she took another sip of her red drink before answering: “I’m sure you don’t want to know.”

Not true. Now I actually really wanted to know what she was drinking. And then I wondered about whether the name of my drink was an indicator. Pink Silk Panties. Was that was Tanya Goldstein was hiding under her midnight blue dress?

She flashed me a little smile and interrupted my train of thoughts as she said: “I’m sorry for leaving so abruptly last night.”

“It’s fine.”

She scoffed and ignored that. “I wouldn’t have minded a few more dances. Or the chance to finish what we started on the dance floor.”

My head became fuzzy once more as I again thought about the way she had been pressed right up against me on the dance floor. How my hand had been on her lower back. 

“I’m glad you could make it tonight,” Tanya continued, rudely interrupting my thoughts once more. “Cheers.”

“Cheers,” I said mechanically as I raised my glass to clink it with hers. Then I frowned when I realized that I was in fact driving back home. 

“What?” Tanya asked. “You don’t like your drink? A shame. I’ve always liked Pink Panties.”

I did my best to ignore the innuendo. “I drove here.”

Tanya shrugged. “Fred can drive you home.”

“But-“

“In your own car,” Tanya clarified. 

“Oh,” I said and frowned a bit. I supposed that could work. 

“Unless of course you want to stay the night?” Tanya asked nonchalantly. 

My eyes immediately snapped up to her face.

She laughed. “Relax, Mara.”

I didn’t relax. How could I possibly relax when she was teasing like this? 

Tanya emptied the rest of her drink and then reached across the table. She grabbed my drink and then she took a sip of it. “This is good. I should have ordered that one too.”

“You really love Pink Panties, huh?” I said, doing my best to roll with the punches like she did. 

“Absolutely,” she said and bared her perfect white teeth in a vampire like grin. 

I reached across the table and snatched my drink out of her hand. I took a sip and tried not to let her know how my breath was hitching in my throat at the smile she was flashing me. Fuck, she’s beautiful. 

“It’s nice to see you again,” Tanya said spontaneously. 

“Yeah, it’s... nice to see you too,” I said vaguely while wondering if she could sense what I was thinking right now. Maybe she could. 

First impressions is a ridiculous thing. 

The first time I met Tanya Goldstein, I thought that she was a spoiled princess. 

The second time I met her, I swore that she was a stone cold so-and-so.

And the third time I met her, I was convinced that she was a stuck up bitch who took pleasure in laughing at other people’s misfortune. 

But now... Now I was of a very different opinion. Tanya Goldstein was beautiful and funny and hella seductive. And I was absolutely, crazily attracted to her. 

And she knew that. I could see it in the way she smiled. In the way her grey eyes gleamed every time she looked at me. In a way it irritated me. I had turned into one of them. Those who had a stupid crush on Tanya Goldstein. Those who felt all sorts of things when Tanya Goldstein smiled.

But the main difference between them and me was the fact that I was sitting here. Acoss Tanya Goldstein and having a drink with her. How ridiculous was that? 

I tried to convince myself that I was not starstruck. Or obsessed. I full well knew that Tanya Goldstein wasn’t Celeste Bellamy. I wasn’t a crazy fan. 

But was I starstruck? 

Yes. Maybe. A teeny tiny bit at least.

She took another sip of her drink and there was that fucking smile again. The one that made her eyes shine. And it didn’t really help the matter when she started talking about last night and how we had danced. 

“It was very fun being Tammy,” she said and tapped her fingers against the glass. “I should try that more often.”

“You think it’s fun tricking people?” I asked, trying my best to roll with the punches. 

“Yes I do,” Tanya said shamelessly and grinned. “Very much, actually. You should have seen the look on your face. It was entertaining.”

“Yeah, I bet it was,” I said and tried to sound non bothered, but my mind wasn’t very helpful. Images of how we had danced flittered through my mind once again. Tanya was wearing the same perfume as last night. I wondered if that was a deliberate choice on her part. It could be. She had already told me that she liked teasing and playing tricks.

Damn, this place is warm. I tugged at my denim jacket and considered whether to take it off or not. I decided to just open the two first buttons. 

Tanya’s gaze immediately flickered up to my chest, and even though her eyes were saying plenty, her voice was completely calm when she said: “nice shirt.”

“Thanks,” I said. Right now I wasn’t completely sure whether I was happy with my choice of shirt or not.

Tanya flashed me another smile, and then she took yet another sip of her drink and licked her lips. My mind bluescreened again. 

We finished our respective drinks, and Tanya rose from her seat as she lazily mentioned how she had to get up early tomorrow to film. 

I nodded and then mumbled something about having to work early tomorrow too. I rose from my seat, and Tanya said that she would walk me to the elevator. Fred was waiting for me downstairs. He would take me home. 

We walked towards the elevator. Tanya’s heels clacked against the floor as she walked ahead of me. I tried to think of something to say, but I couldn’t focus on other than how her hips swayed whenever   
she took a step. That dress hugged every part of her, fitted her like a goddamn glove. It was impossible to look away. 

We reached the elevator, and Tanya pressed the button once.

I waited, but I couldn’t hear the sound of the elevator. 

“We’re on the 24th floor. It might take a little while,” Tanya said calmly. 

“Right,” I said and shifted a bit on my feet. Tanya was watching me rather intensely. And with a particular look in her eyes as well. She reminded me off a lioness stalking her prey. It made me feel uneasy and tense. But in the best way possible. Maybe the right word was in fact anticipating. Not uneasy. I swallowed something and then wetted my lips. I could almost feel her gaze burning me. I took a deep breath and then I turned my head and met her stare.

For a moment we were just looking at each other. Our gazes locked. Every nerve in my body was tingling and I felt on edge in a way I hadn’t felt for a long time. I could feel that certain thrill. 

Then came the reaction. Just as I could hear the faint sound of the elevator, Tanya moved. One second, she was standing next to me, and the next her fingers gripped onto the lapels of my denim jacket as she yanked me closer and fused our mouths together in a kiss. 

For a moment I lost all ability to think clearly, but then my reaction came in form of a gasp I released into her mouth. I threw my arms around her neck just as she was pushing me back against the wall. 

She shoved a leg in between mine, and another surprised gasp escaped me. We were kissing. Actually kissing. And every part of her I could feel was soft and warm and wonderful and she smelled so great! 

I felt the tip of her tongue tapping my lower lip insistently, and I didn’t need to think twice about it before I opened my mouth for her. She slipped her tongue inside my mouth, and then I felt her fingers dig almost painfully into the skin on my hips. I answered by tightening my grip around her neck. I didn’t give two shits that this was against the wall. I wanted to hitch her dress up and have her right now. 

Tanya’s grip suddenly loosened, and I vaguely became aware of a very faint “vrr-vrr”-sound. The next second Tanya wasn’t kissing me anymore, but standing next to me like she had done a moment ago. 

I soon found out why. I opened my eyes and straightened my posture just in time to see the elevator door open. Fred-stone face-Weston was waiting for me in the elevator.

“Goodbye, miss Manson,” Tanya teased, completely unbothered by Fred’s presence. “I’ve enjoyed your company tonight. You should come and visit me another time.”

“Maybe I will,” I said, congratulating myself with sounding relatively unphased. 

Tanya flashed me a smile and nodded towards the elevator where Fred was now holding the door for me. 

I did my best to smile back at her. To seem unbothered by what had just happened between us. Then I walked over to the elevator and went inside. 

Tanya offered me a comical little wave and an equally comical “bye-bye”, and then the elevator door closed, and she disappeared from sight. 

I dared glancing at Fred. He didn’t look at me. He seemed more focused on his phone. My head was spinning. I had just kissed Tanya Goldstein. Tanya Goldstein had just kissed me. Now there was something I hadn’t ever counted on experiencing. 

And as the elevator slowly travelled down towards the hotel’s exit, I realized something. 

I had never returned Tanya’s shirt........


	10. Poker face

It was safe to say that I was pretty out of it. I felt like I was in some sort of daze as I politely handed my car key to Fred so he could drive me home. He could have taken me to Mexico, and I wouldn’t have noticed it. 

I had just kissed Tanya Goldstein. Tanya Goldstein had just kissed me. The thought alone seemed completely ridiculous, but it had happened. As in actually happened. I had this bizarre urge to burst out laughing. And I probably would have if it hadn’t been for Fred’s presence in the car. Tanya’s bodyguard kept staring out of the window, only concentrating on the road. 

I couldn’t concentrate on anything. I had just made out with Tanya Goldstein. And I wasn’t entirely sure whether I wanted to tell the whole world or keep entirely quiet about it. The last suggestion would probably be the smartest thing to do, though, and thinking more about it, of course I wasn’t gonna tell anyone. That would be ridiculous. And plus, I doubted that anyone would actually believe me if I told them. Would Angie? I almost laughed as I thought about the look on her face if I told her that I had kissed Tanya Goldstein. 

“West Hollywood, miss Swanson?” Fred asked in his monotone voice. 

“Yep,” I confirmed. 

“Very well.” He said. Absolutely nothing else. 

I found my phone in my pocket and pretended to be very busy texting people, but the fact was that Tanya Goldstein was running around in my mind. I could still hear her laughter. God, she had kissed me! 

My breath quickened as I remembered how she had grabbed onto my hips. How her perfume had filled my nostrils. How her blonde hair had tickled my cheek slightly, and how the hell was I supposed to go to work tomorrow and act like nothing had happened? It seemed impossible. The way she had looked at me right before she had kissed me was making me fucking dizzy. Lightheaded. Like I hadn’t eaten enough. 

Maybe it was that drink she had bought me. Pink Panties. I almost laughed again. I felt like some fucking silly schoolgirl and not a grown woman. 

I was thankful when Fred steered my car round a corner, and I could see the familiar building. I really needed to get home and collapse on my bed or something.

The car pulled up in front of the block of apartments, and both Fred and I got out. Fred handed me the key and did this curt nod. “Goodnight, miss Swanson.”

“G’night,” I said. 

Without another word he turned around and began to walk in the opposite direction. I had no idea how he was gonna get back to the Ritz-Carlton. Maybe he was gonna walk. Or maybe Tanya had arranged for someone else to come and collect him.

I too began walking. Towards the block of apartments. My legs still felt a bit like jelly, and my lips were tingling. And I could definitely feel that familiar pressure between my legs. That damned ache that wouldn’t go away unless something was done about it. 

As I opened the street door and slipped inside the building, I couldn’t help but think about what would have happened if Fred hadn’t shown up when he did. I had no problems with remembering the way Tanya’s thigh had been wedged between my legs, and in hindsight I probably already knew what would have happened if Fred hadn’t shown up when he did. So maybe it was good that he showed up. 

Otherwise I would most likely have combusted on the spot. 

I began my walk up to the third floor, and as I walked, I amusedly thought about how Tanya hadn’t even bothered to ask for her shirt. It was like she instinctively knew that I hadn’t brought it with me and didn’t really care about it either. I laughed quietly, and my laughter echoed in the quiet hallway. I had kissed Tanya Goldstein, and my brain clearly had trouble with fully acknowledging it. Or maybe it was that drink Tanya had bought me. Maybe it had been stronger than what I thought. 

My shoes echoed as I made to the second floor and had to stop and take a breather. Normally, I didn’t get winded that easily, but tonight I had a pretty fucking good idea about what was causing me to be winded. And I couldn’t stop thinking about it. The way she had smiled. Her little goodbye speech. ‘I’ve enjoyed your company tonight. You should come and visit me another time.’ She had sounded pretty genuine when she said it, but still, it could have been that drink talking. Dancing with “Tammie the brunette” in a random bar was one thing. But visiting actress Tanya Goldstein in her hotel was one thing. 

I shook my head as I tackled the next round of stairs. What the hell was up with my life? How had I gone from cursing at random brunettes in a taxi to suddenly kissing well-acclaimed actress Tanya Goldstein? It did not make any sense. None whatsoever. 

I laughed again and then reached within my pocket to ensure that my key to the apartment door was still there. It was.

I felt completely relieved when I finally spotted the door to my own apartment. I needed to lie down. I had definitely experienced too much today. My system was going into overdrive. 

The hallway was quiet as I stepped inside and locked the door behind me. I wrestled my boots off and the left my denim jacket on the nearest hanger. I couldn’t even be bothered to bring it into my bedroom. I was going to need it tomorrow anyway. 

The kitchen was quiet too as I stepped inside and headed straight towards the fridge where I found a bottle of water. I unscrewed the lid and took several deep gulps from the bottle. Brilliant. I really needed that.

And now I really needed to go to bed. I had work tomorrow, and it would be pretty sweet to actually resemblance something that could be compared to a human being tomorrow morning. 

I went into my room and stripped out of my clothes. I didn’t even think whether it needed to be washed or not, I just dumped the lot in the hamper basket. Then I found one of my horrible, but oh-so-comfortable long t-shirts. I went over to the bed and slipped under the covers. 

And immediately heard the faint sound of Angie laughing in her room. Then the soft rumble of Cooper’s voice. Angie giggled. I heard her bed creaking. 

Okay, that’s it. I sat upright in bed and used my fist to tap on the wall. “Keep it down, children. You’re not home alone anymore!”

There was a moment of silence, and then I heard Angie again. Her voice was spilling over with amusement when she said: “oh, shit!”

Cooper laughed hoarsely.

“I mean it!” I warned. “Don’t force me to come in there and throw Cooper’s naked ass out of the apartment!”

More laughing. Then silence. 

I exhaled. Thank god. I didn’t care what Angie did or didn’t do to muffle herself. As long as the apartment was quiet. And now that it was quiet, it would be a brilliant idea to get some sleep. 

But I couldn’t. My head was spinning. Tanya Goldstein kept running around in my mind. She was ruining my sleep. 

With a sigh I rolled onto my back and starred up at the dark ceiling. I was officially too worked up to sleep. I could hear how my heart was going thump-thump-thump in my chest. My skin was too warm. 

Too flushed. I thought of Tanya. I thought about what she was doing right now. Was she in her bed too? What was she wearing? 

My heart rhythm almost took a concerning turn as I thought about what Tanya Goldstein was wearing to bed. Now I had really done it. Effectively preventing myself from going to sleep. I considered it for a second. Maybe I should take advantage of how quiet the apartment was. It had been entirely too long since I last indulged in a bit of self-care. I let my thoughts about Tanya Goldstein flood me completely as I slipped a hand under the covers...

Coming to work that Monday morning was hard. I hadn’t slept much at night, and even when I was awake, Tanya Goldstein kept invading my thoughts in the most deliciously, distracting of ways. 

But obviously, I couldn’t spend my workday thinking about Tanya Goldstein, so I put on my best, fake professional smile as I walked into Juicy Bits’ headquarter.   
But it quickly turned out that I apparently was the only professional one around. Ingrid was nowhere to be seen- she was probably hanging out in her office while she was on the phone with Important People- and everyone else present- including the newly recovered Melanie- were gathered around Boris’ laptop. 

“What are we staring at?” I asked. 

“Tanya Goldstein’s Instagram,” Boris said. 

I felt tempted to smack my forehead. Seriously? 

“And why are we staring at that?” I forced myself to ask calmly. 

“Because she just uploaded a new picture,” Melanie said. “One that definitely will keep the rumor mill running!”

“Really?” I asked and raised an eyebrow. 

“Come and see,” Boris said and waved me over. 

I couldn’t exactly say “nah, thanks, but no thanks”, so I had no choice but to go over there and take a look at the picture. And Melanie was right. This picture would definitely keep the rumor mill running for sure!

It was a picture of her and Alexander Scott, her co-star. They had their arms around each other’s waist, they were smiling and looked mighty cozy together. Underneath Tanya had simply written #Bellarence. And the fans were going crazy. Every comment included a crying emoji, and a few of them had written things like ‘okay, but they’re definitely dating! Don’t fight me on this!’

“What do you think?” Boris asked and looked at me. 

“About what?” I asked and forced myself to look away from the Instagram post. 

“Do you think they’re dating in real life?” he asked.

“Oh.” I fought a crazy urge to burst out laughing. “I don’t know.”

“I think they are,” Melanie said. “I mean, look at them!”

I looked at the uploaded photo once more. Yup, Tanya and Alexander Scott definitely looked very cozy, but at the same time I felt like I could see something in Tanya’s eyes. A hint of teasing. Maybe my hunch was completely wrong, but I definitely had the feeling that she knew exactly what she was doing and enjoyed messing with her fans.

“They’re definitely together!” Melanie said and stared at the picture. 

Once again, I fought the urge to burst out laughing. Instead I excused myself and said that I should probably get to work. That was what I was being paid for.

But it was pretty hard to work when you were interrupted. I hadn’t been sitting at my desk for very long before my phone started blaring. I had forgotten to put it on “silent” this morning. I cringed as I fished the phone out of my bag. I was relieved that Ingrid was still busy having her phone meeting. 

I glanced at the screen, didn’t recognize the number. I felt tempted to just reject the call, but for some reason, I chose to take the call anyway. I was exactly in the mood to tell an officious phone seller off.

“Hello?” I said, already ready to informing whoever it was that I was a hardworking reporter who was at work. 

“Don’t react,” an all too familiar voice said in the other end. 

“Ta-“

“Don’t react,” she interrupted and sounded equally amused and annoyed. 

“Tammie,” I amended. “Hey,”

“Hello yourself,” Tanya drawled. “Are you at work right now?”

“I am,” I confirmed with a nod even though she couldn’t actually see it. 

“So I’m interrupting you,” she said, still sounding amused.

“Yes, you are, but I don’t mind that,” I said. “What are you doing? Aren’t you supposed to be at work too?”

“Taking a short break,” Tanya replied, and I could hear the vague sound of a dog barking in the background. “So I figured why not kill the time in a sensible manner?”

I chuckled lightly. 

“Do you have plans tomorrow night?” Tanya asked plainly. 

“Huh.” Her direct question took me slightly by surprise, but I quickly pulled myself together. “No, I don’t have any plans tomorrow night.”

“Good. You should come and visit me then,” Tanya said simply, and then her voice dropped an octave or two as she continued: “I don’t have any plans either.”

I felt tempted to say “huh” again. God, she was good at taking me by surprise! My mind felt so utterly blank for a moment. 

“Miss Manson?” Tanya teased. “Are you still there?”

“Yeah, I’m here,” I said quickly. “Sure. I’ll stop by.”

“Great,” Tanya said, and her voice was honeysweet. “I’ll see you tomorrow then. There was a faint click, and then she was gone. 

“Bye,” I mumbled and switched my phone off. 

“Who’s Tammie?”

“Huh?” I looked up and discovered that Leo was watching me. 

“Who’s Tammie?” he asked again and grinned. “Have you gotten a new girlfriend without telling me?”

“Uhh...”

“I’m sure it’s a most fascinating story, but I wasn’t aware that this was a coffee club where everyone is free to discuss their private life whenever they want to.”

Both Leo and I looked up and saw Ingrid was standing right next to us. Crap.

“This is a workplace, miss Swanson,” she continued and got that particularly terrifying gleam in her eyes. “And while it might be a gossip magazine, your gossip is not an item on the agenda.”

“I know that,” I mumbled.

“Do you?” she asked sardonically and raised an eyebrow. “I’m paying you to write articles. Not being on the phone. Are you aware of that too, or has it in fact escaped your notice?”

“No, Ingrid. It hasn’t,” I said and flushed. God, that woman could reduce me to a scolded schoolgirl in a manner of seconds. 

”Is that so?” she said mockingly. “Tell me then, was it a sick family member? An emergency?”

“No,” I muttered vaguely.

“Beg your pardon?” 

“No, Ingrid. It was not an emergency,” I said a bit louder. 

“Then I suppose I don’t have to inform you that I don’t tolerate private phone conversations during work hours?”

“No, you don’t have to tell me that.”

“Excellent,” Ingrid said positively sardonically. “But just to freshen up your memory: unless it’s an emergency or a person of utmost importance, phone calls are not allowed in this workplace. Perhaps everyone here should write it down. Just to make sure we’re all on the same page.”

With that she spun around on her heels and marched back to her office. Soon we heard the door slam behind her. The walls shook slightly, and I could easily imagine that I had just heard her snarl like a dragon. I cringed slightly. 

“I’m telling you, she has the most unsatisfying private life ever,” Leo murmured far too loudly. “She’s probably not getting any-“

“Shut up,” I hissed. “Are you trying to get me fired or something?”

He chuckled slightly and then bowed his head over his work again. 

I felt both disturbed and amused. Disturbed because I really, really didn’t want to speculate about Ingrid’s private life, and amused because Ingrid had just informed that phone calls weren’t allowed unless it was a “person of utmost importance”. Ha. I nearly bursted out laughing as I imagined the look on Ingrid’s face if she knew who it actually was who had just called me. 

I sniggered quietly as I turned my attention back to my laptop and tried not to think too much of what had just happened. 

But I wasn’t doing a very good job. Tanya Goldstein had just called me. Tanya Goldstein had just invited me to her hotel. Again. Tomorrow night. I felt something stir low in my belly. I couldn’t concentrate on working. I couldn’t stop thinking about her. And I couldn’t stop thinking about that kiss. It had been too short. I wanted another one. A longer one. Something stirred in my belly again, and I almost groaned in annoyance. Didn’t I get all that out of my system last night? 

Clearly not. Incredible. Tanya Goldstein had kept me up for half of the night, and now she was preventing me from doing my job too. Damn it. Damn her and her laughter and the way she affected me in every possible way. I sighed a little. 

Melanie heard and looked up; eyebrow raised in concern. “Is everything okay, Mara?”

“Yeah,” I said quickly and nodded. “Everything is fine. I’m just tired.”

“Long weekend? With Tammie?” Leo teased quietly. 

“You disgust me,” I said flatly. 

He laughed quietly. 

But I wasn’t particularly amused. Now I couldn’t stop thinking about the dress Tanya had been wearing last night. That damn blue dress with that stupid slit up her thigh. My fingers trembled just a little bit as I tapped in a few more words. I was supposed to be writing on this article, but as I sat here and did just that, I realized that I had absolutely no idea what and who I was writing about. 

Maybe I should tell Tanya off for distracting me at work. I couldn’t fucking concentrate when she was running around in my head like this. My jaw clenched slightly as I tapped more aggressively on the keyboard than before. 

What distracted me next was a sound coming from Ingrid’s office, and once again I almost bursted out laughing as I thought about what she would say if I told her that Tanya Goldstein had just called me. It was very entertaining to imagine her being completely stunned, but her actual reaction would probably be to ask me if I was drunk. She wouldn’t believe me. Plain and simple. No one would. 

I chuckled to myself. Mara Swanson, keeper of secrets. Then I blinked and reminded myself to do what I came here to do. Write. I was already in the doghouse for having talked to “Tammie”. 

Tammie. I could feel the amusement bubbling beneath the surface again. God, this situation was completely surreal. If it hadn’t been for the phone call, I would be seriously doubting whether last night had happened at all, or just been a product of my sometimes overactive imagination. 

The door to Ingrid’s office opened, and I quickly began tapping away on the keyboard with much more vigor. 

The only problem was that I still had absolutely no idea what I was writing about.

My mind felt completely fuzzy as I came home from work. I opened the fridge and stared blindly for a minute before grabbing the first thing that came to mind. A slice of cold pizza. But I didn’t realize that until after I had taken a bite of it. I cringed a little bit. Eww. Cold pizza. Not exactly what I had planned as a “coming home from work”-snack, but oh well. What’s done is done and all that. I quickly put the slice of pizza into the microwave. 

Just as the kitchen was starting to smell of pizza, the front door open and Angie stepped inside the apartment. I heard a bit of shuffling as she freed herself of her coat and shoes.

“Hey,” she called. 

“Hi,” I called back. I hadn’t talked to her earlier yesterday evening. She was already gone when I woke up this morning, and she was obviously occupied when I arrived home last night. 

“Something smells good,” she said as she came inside the kitchen.

“It’s pizza and it’s for me,” I teased. “I deserve it. I’ve been doing slave work for Ingrid all day.” 

“Sounds kinky,” Angie deadpanned. 

“Stop,” I said and cringed. 

The microwave dinged and I took the slice of pizza out and cursed when I ended up burning my fingers. I had to stick them under the cold tap for a moment. 

“How did everything go last night?” Angie asked and hid a yawn behind her hand. 

“Everything went fine until I came home and tried to sleep only to the discover that my roommate and her boyfriend were in the middle of-“

“I meant with Tanya,” Angie interrupted and rolled her eyes. “How did everything go with Tanya?”

“It went fine,” I said, grossly understating things. “I gave her back her shirt and she bought me a drink as a thank you.”

“A drink, huh?” 

“Yep,” I said, refusing to be provoked and potentially walk into any traps. 

“And how was she?” Angie asked and grinned. 

“She was fine.”

“Just fine?”

“Well, she was annoying as always,” I said as I took a bite of my pizza. I burned my tongue.

“Annoyingly b-e-a-u-t-i-f-u-l?” Angie mocked and laughed.

I shrugged lightly and took another bite of my pizza. 

“I’ll take that as a yes,” Angie laughed and gave me a light shove on her way over to the fridge. 

I didn’t confirm nor deny anything. And I definitely wasn’t in a hurry to tell her about my upcoming meeting with Tanya. She would freak out, and I couldn’t deal with her freak out right now. I was plenty   
busy dealing with my own freak out. 

“By the way, did you do the laundry?” Angie asked as she emerged from the fridge with a chocolate chip cookie in her hand. God, we were so healthy. 

“No?” I said and raised an eyebrow. “Should I have done laundry?” I couldn’t for the life of me remember whether it was my turn to do the laundry or not. 

“I can’t remember,” Angie said and shrugged a bit. “But I was hoping that you had. I’ve lost something. Again.”

“Really?” I said sardonically. Angie constantly lost her clothes. “And what is it this time?” I asked and took another bite of my slice of pizza. 

“My pink panties.”

I choked profusely on the bite of pizza and coughed violently in an attempt to clear my throat. 

“Are you okay?” Angie asked and raised an eyebrow in confusion.

“Yeah,” I croaked and blinked. My eyes were felt watery. “I’m fine.”

Of all the things in all the world, why did she have to say pink panties? I coughed again. The universe was definitely conspiring against me.


	11. A meeting with Genevieve. And Tanya

The next night I was once again standing in front of the mirror in my tiny bedroom. I had been considering what the hell I was going to wear for most of the day, and now I was standing in front of the mirror, twisting and turning as I tried to see how this top looked from the back. For once, I had ditched my many tanktops in favor of a halter neck top I hadn’t worn in ages, and right now I couldn’t remember why. It actually looked pretty good. I should wear it more often. I had paired it with my black skinny jeans. Those looked pretty good too. 

I felt something flutter low in my stomach as I thought about my upcoming meeting with Tanya. What did she want? To tease me some more? Or kiss me some more?   
I wouldn’t be opposed to that. And I wouldn’t be opposed to more teasing either. I would lie if I claimed that I hadn’t enjoyed Tanya’s teasing. It was very entertaining and gave me a certain thrill. Never knowing what her next move was gonna be. I zoned out as I stood there in front of the mirror. Once again, I thought of my last meeting with Tanya. The way she had kissed me. The way she had pushed me up against the wall. Goosebumps erupted on my bare arms, and I absentmindedly rubbed them.

Thud. Splash!

My head snapped up. What the hell was that? Before I could ask about it, I heard an even louder: “damn it!”

“Angie, what are you doing?” I half-yelled. 

“Ruining my life!” the response came. 

“Elaborate?” I called back.

“I just dropped my goddamn phone in the toilet!” 

Oh. I cringed in sympathy. “Did it survive?” 

“Nope! I’m pretty fucking sure I just murdered my phone!”

Ouch. Now I really felt bad for her, and I grimaced as she cursed loudly. Poor her. “Remove the sim card and microSD card,” I yelled through the wall. “Wipe it clean and then leave it to dry for tonight. You   
might be able to save it!”

“Right. Got it!”

I hoped that was genuine and she was actually planning on following my advice. Angie was terrible when it came to throwing “ruined” things out. Like really terrible. 

I checked my appearance one last time, grabbed my denim jacket and then left my room. 

I nearly collided with Angie in the hallway. She was holding up her very wet phone whilst muttering something about being a goddamn klutz. Then she glanced at me and raised an eyebrow. “Going somewhere?” 

“Yeah,” I said lightly. 

“Elaborate,” Angie demanded and used my own words against me. 

“Just going out for a quick drink,” I said nonchalantly. 

Angie’s eyebrow raised further. “On a Tuesday night?”

“Yes?” I said and tried to sound innocent. “I needed a bit of a pick-me-up after having been slaving for Ingrid. That’s what she does to me. Driving me to go out on a Tuesday.”

“No.” 

It was my turn to raise my eyebrow. “What?” 

“No,” Angie repeated. “There’s something you’re not telling me.”

“What? No there isn-“

“Don’t worry,” she interrupted and smirked a bit. “I’ll figure out what it is.”

“Angie, I’m not hiding anythi-“

“Yes, you are,” Angie said and interrupted me for the second time. “And enjoy keeping your little secret while it lasts. Because I’ll figure it out eventually. You know I will.” 

“See you later,” I said, avoiding to walk into her trap. Especially because I knew she was right. Angie had always been so fucking intuitive. She always had this crazy ability to look right through me and if I was hiding something, she always figured out what it was. Every. Single. Time. 

“Bye. I’ll try and save my phone while you go out and... do whatever it is you’re doing tonight,” Angie said and made a face that was something between a smirk and a grimace of annoyance. 

“Remove the sim card,” I repeated. “You might be able to save it.”

“Roger that.” She slipped past me and into her own room. 

And I walked out to the door and wiggled my feet into my boots. Then I patted my pockets to ensure that I had everything I needed. Phone. Housekey, in case Angie was going out. Press card, in case I needed an apology to come into the hotel. I doubted I would, though. I trusted that Tanya had told Fred that I was coming. Otherwise I would be in trouble. I doubted that he would buy the “press card” apology. It was late in the evening. What sort of reporter would show up late in the evening? I turned around with one hand on the doorknob, yelled “bye!” to Angie and then left the apartment.

I got into the car and fumbled with the seatbelt for a second. I hoped Angie would stay occupied with her phone for the rest of the evening. And I hoped that she for some reason would forget to ask where I’d been when I came back. 

But deep down I knew that she wouldn’t. She was like a dog with a bone, and especially when she got a hunch that I was keeping something from her. But I couldn’t tell her this. She would freak out. I had to think of something I could tell her. Something that was better than telling her that I was seeing someone called “Tammie”. She would never buy that. Not this soon after Lily and I had ended things. Angie wasn’t an idiot. 

But maybe I was. Maybe driving towards a fancy hotel to meet up with a celebrity as well known as Tanya Goldstein was idiotic. Maybe kissing her had been idiotic, and maybe wishing she would kiss me again was even more idiotic. 

But it was something else as well. It was thrilling. So absolutely wonderfully thrilling and forbidden, and I absolutely loved that. It gave me something I had been missing for a while. A kick. 

Yep, I was definitely an idiot. An idiot who was playing with fire. 

But was I about to stop it? Was I about to take a step back and say “Mara, what the hell are you doing?”.

No I wasn’t. Because I was too much of an idiot to do that. 

I snorted as I stepped on the speeder and overtook several cars on the way. Something coiled in my stomach as I thought about Tanya and the fact that I was about to see her again in a moment. I had officially become one of those people. One of those people who were besotted with Tanya Goldstein. Fucking hell. I snorted again and switched on the radio to take my mind off how pathetic I actually was. The radio wasn’t much help, though. At first, I had been far too busy enjoying the beat, but then the lyrics came, and I gnashed my teeth. ‘Blonde, bad and beautiful, in the hot summer sun. With her tight dress painted on. Fahrenheit 101.’ Right. Thanks a lot Airbourne. Thanks. A. Bunch. ‘She’s got the long legs to prove it, the back end to move it. She’s triple x movie just walking by. Lip-gloss, high heels, I’m losin’ my mind.’ 

I was officially done listening to music. I switched the radio off again and busied myself with looking at the road instead. Now I was more than distracted. Tanya Goldstein was filling my mind. Eating away at my thoughts like a parasite. God, she was annoying. And I hadn’t even seen her yet. I sighed deeply and shook my head slightly. Was this some kind of skill actors and actresses had? Worming their ways into people’s mind. 

I grabbed the wheel a little tighter as I maneuvered the car around a corner. I would be there soon.

‘Filming is dragging out. Wait for me in my room. Fred will escort you there. T’

The text had come from an unknown number, but I was planning on following its directions as I parked the car and crossed the parking lot. I found Fred standing near the entrance to the hotel. He looked like his usual, serious self as he stood there in his suit and tapped away on his high tech phone. 

“Miss Swanson,” he said formally as I approached.

“Hi,” I said. Less formally. 

“Follow me. I’ll take you to miss Goldstein’s room,” he said professionally as he opened the door and motioned for me to step inside. 

I slinked past him. “Do you have any idea when Tanya- miss Goldstein- will show up?”

“Within the next thirty to forty minutes,” Fred said as we stepped inside the elevator. He pushed a button and the elevator whirred softly as it moved upwards. 

“Okay.” I wasn’t sure what else to say.

And Fred wasn’t much of a help. He kept up his silent, professional attitude, but I could have sworn I caught him looking disapprovingly at me. Like he was silently judging me. I boldly returned his stare, and after a moment he looked away and resumed looking at his phone until the elevator dinged and revealed that we had reached our destination. 

He stepped out first and lead me down the hallway to a room at the very bottom of the hallway. “This is miss Goldstein’s private suite,” he said as he used a key card to unlock the door. It opened with a click. “I think it might be best if you stay in this room and not wander around. Keep the door locked, and-“ he shot me a look. “Give me your phone, please.”

“My phone?” I repeated dumbly. 

“Precaution,” he said dully. “I’m aware that you’re here privately and not professionally, but given what you do for a living, we’re not taking any chances. Phone, please.”

“Alright, alright,” I said as I reached within the pocket of my denim jacket and found my phone. “I wasn’t planning on recording my conversation with Tanya or anything.”

The look he gave me was absolutely crucifying, and he made an impatient movement with his hands. 

I gave him my phone, and he tugged it away in his pocket with the words “you’ll get it back when you leave.” Then he nodded towards the now half-ajar door and turned around and walked down the hallway. 

I shook my head a bit as I pushed the door open and went inside Tanya’s room. Jeez, that dude was intense!

“Holy....” I ran out of words as I looked around in Tanya’s room. 

Room. Real cute. This was a freaking suite. There were not one but two enormous beds in the room, a large dining area, and after having “poked around” I discovered the most amazing, luxurious   
bathroom I had ever seen. Seriously, there was a goddamn television in the bathroom. You could lay in the bathtub and watch television. There was a walk in closet. Yep. A walk in closet. There was even a kitchen complete with fridge and coffee machine and everything. And Tanya had claimed that she was going stir crazy here. How ridiculous was that? It was safe to say that I had never seen anything like this, and as I walked back from the bathroom, I was immediately taken by the impressive view. Talk about skyline. 

I looked around in the room once more, and soon something laying on the bed caught my attention. Something that at first sight appeared to be a fluffy, white blanket. I walked over to the bed to take a closer look at the blanket. 

The “blanket” lifted its head in response. So, not a blanket at all. But an enormous, white Maine Coon cat with blue eyes. The cat shot me a rather disapproving look, obviously I had disturbed its slumber.

“Oh. Hello,” I said and couldn’t help but chuckle. A cat. Tanya had a cat in her hotel room. That was well.... odd to say the least. I had heard of having a dog in a hotel room, but a cat? That was pretty unusual. 

The cat shot me another look of disapproval, and its long bushy tail began swinging dangerously. 

“Okay, okay, I get it,” I said and hastily moved away from the bed. “I’ll leave you alone.”

As soon as I had moved away from the bed, the cats tail stopped swinging, and it lowered its head down once more. I saw how it yawned and then closed its blue eyes. 

I settled for walking over to the window and looking out at the stunning view. I could see people walking around. They looked like tiny ants from here. 

There was a soft thud, and I turned my head to see what that was about. The cat had jumped down from the bed. There was a slight jingling sound as it crossed the floor, and now I noticed that it was in fact wearing a collar with a little bell on it. And a nametag. The cat came prancing over to me and soon it was slinking around my legs in that fashion cats sometimes did right before they decided to kill you. 

“Hi,” I said lamely. 

“Miaow,” the clever animal said and rubbed its nose against my skin. 

I had no idea whether it was safe or not, but I chose to crouch down and hesitantly outstretch a hand towards the cat. 

The cat immediately rubbed its cheek against my hand, and while it was occupied, I used my other hand to turn the nametag upwards so I could see who and what I was dealing with.   
Genevieve. I immediately felt tempted to laugh my ass off. The cats name was Genevieve. This was getting more and more hilarious. First, I walk into a luxurious hotel room and discover that a cat is hanging out there. And then I find out that the cats name is Genevieve. 

“Genevieve, huh,” I said as I scratched the cats head. “Very fancy. Any chance I can call you Genny or Gen?” 

The cat hissed a bit. 

“Okay, okay. No pet names. Got it,” I muttered. “Please don’t scratch me. I haven’t had my tetanus shot.” 

The cat responded by rubbing its cheek against the side of my hand once more. 

“You are one moody cat,” I told her. “And you have one sadistic owner. Genevieve, really? That’s very posh. Are you sure I can’t call you Gen?” 

The cats tail began swinging from side to side. 

“You clearly understand what I’m saying,” I muttered as I moved my hand away just in case, she decided to bite me. “Good to know.”

Genevieve responded by lazily laying down on the thick carpet, and I immediately felt sorry for those who had to clean the hotel room. Cat hairs all over the place. That couldn’t be fun. 

While I was still feeling sorry for the cleaning staff, there was a knock on the door, and my head snapped up. What was I supposed to do now? Fred had given me very strict instructions to keep the door closed. And now someone was knocking on the door. Where the hell did that fit into the whole “keep the door closed”-thing?

Knock-knock-knock.

I had to do the only acceptable thing in this situation. “Uhh... Come in?”

The door was opened, and a brunette woman stepped inside. At first sight, I thought it was Steph, but after having taken a second glance at her, I came to the realization that it was not. It was just someone who happened to look very, very similar to her. 

And she did not seem surprised to see me hanging out in Tanya’s room at all. “Oh hello,” she said and flashed me a toothpaste smile. “Will you tell miss Goldstein that there’s a letter for her?” 

“Sure.” 

“Thank you.” She flashed me another toothpaste smile and then placed a white envelope on the desk. “Shall I send something up to you? Something to eat or maybe something to drink?” 

“No, thank you,” I said hastily. “I don’t need anything.” 

“Okay then.” another smile and then she left the room. 

And I was left wondering just who the heck she was? Tanya’s new assist, perhaps? Why the hell did she look so much like Steph? Did Tanya have a thing for brunette’s or what? 

I unconsciously ran my fingers through my own short brown locks. Then I laughed quietly. For someone who wasn’t openly gay, Tanya Goldstein was.... pretty gay. 

I felt certain that her Instagram posts with her co-star was nothing but fanservice. A way to keep people interested. And I was also certain that she’d had a thing going with Steph. A secret thing. But then Tanya had gotten annoyed over what Steph had said. I thought about what I’d heard that day when I was “hiding” in the wardrobe after the photoshoot. Steph had shown signs of being jealous, and Tanya had pretty much just brushed her off. Had the relationship been cut short after that? Was that why Steph suddenly didn’t work for Tanya anymore?

“You wouldn’t happen to know what I’m getting myself into, would you?” I asked Genevieve.

“Miaow,” the white cat said and began to swing her bushy tail back and forward once more. If I didn’t know better, I would say that she was glaring at me. 

“You don’t like me, do you?” I asked the cat. 

Very appropriately, she turned her back on me. 

“Right then. I’ll say a prayer for the cleaning staff,” I told her and watched as she elegantly jumped up on the bed once more and curled into a white, fluffy ball. 

I rose from the floor and did nothing to contain my curiosity as I walked over to the desk and glanced at the envelope the unfamiliar woman had left. Tanya’s name and address was printed on the envelope in large block letters. The sender had even written her room number and everything. The handwriting looked clumsy. Like it was written by a child. But why would a child write to Tanya? “Love Me Not” was not exactly a series for children. I glanced at the envelope again. Maybe it was a teenage boy or something like that. I could imagine Tanya receiving quite a few letters from teenage boys. Especially after that underwear scene in the last episode. I could imagine that that had prompted a lot of teenage boys to stay up past their bedtime and do things that had nothing to do with sleeping. 

I settled down on the bed and tried to become friendly with Genevieve The Cat, but she just hissed at me. She definitely didn’t like me. I abandoned ship and switched on the enormous television instead. 

After having flicked through the millions of channels, I ended up watching an old episode of “Friends”. Rachel had a thing for Joey. I had watched the episode a million times already, but right now it was enough to keep me occupied and entertained-ish while I waited for Tanya. 

Genevieve looked up like she was disapproving of my choice of series to watch. 

I wasn’t sure for how long I ended up watching “Friends”, but suddenly Genevieve jumped down from the bed and proceeded to sit in the middle of the hotel room. 

Ten seconds later, I heard the footsteps in the hallway, and then the door was opened. Genevieve began purring loudly when Tanya stepped inside the room, and I saw how she bent down to greet the cat. 

“There she is! There’s mommy’s little girl! Oooh, come here, you!” 

I suffocated a chuckle and greeted her: “hey.”

“Miss Manson,” Tanya joked as she lifted her foot and used it to close the door behind her. Her arms were occupied. They were currently carrying a whole lot of cat. 

I took a second glance at her. She was wearing a purple wrap dress and at least three inches of high heels. Her hair was twisted into a French braid, Celeste Bellamy’s trademark hairstyle. I had seen Angie try and copy it about a million times. And failing. 

Tanya sat Genevieve down on the other bed and smiled a little as the cat curled up once more. “I do hope Genevieve here gave you a warm welcome.” 

“I dunno, she’s pretty shady,” I replied and glanced at the cat. “I don’t think she appreciated the pet names I gave her.” 

Tanya snickered. 

“Why did you name your cat Genevieve?” I inquired. 

“I didn’t,” Tanya said plainly. 

“Huh?” 

“I didn’t name her. Somebody else did,” she lightly explained. 

Oh. So Tanya had adopted the cat from someone. Now the silly name made sense. 

“So she didn’t give you a warm welcome,” Tanya said. 

“Not exactly.”

“Well... Then maybe I should give you one instead,” she said, and before I could even blink, she was standing in front of me, cupping my cheeks, bending down and then she was kissing me. I was surprised but definitely not unhappy about it. I returned the kiss and felt tempted to stand up so I could wrap my arms around her. But before I got the chance to do so, she broke the kiss, snickered and said: “You’ve missed me.”

“I have not,” I claimed. 

“Liar,” she said lightly. “Give me two seconds to get dressed and then we can talk.”

“About what?”

“Whatever you want,” Tanya smirked as she crossed the floor and opened the sliding doors that lead into the walk in closet. She didn’t bother with closing the doors behind her, and I tried not to gawk at her as she changed her clothes. 

“By the way,” I said in an attempt to distract myself. “Barbies brunette sister came by with a letter for you. It’s on the desk.” 

“Excellent,” Tanya said, and I heard the sound of a zipper being tugged down. 

“How did the filming go?” I asked to distract myself from the fact that Tanya was in the middle of undressing. 

“It went pretty well,” Tanya said from the closet. “Alexander actually didn’t screw up tonight.”

I couldn’t help but laugh at that. Clearly no lost love between Tanya and her co-star. “And I don’t suppose you’re gonna tell me what you guys filmed tonight?”

“You’d be correct,” Tanya said, and I heard her curse slightly under her breath. And obviously, she sounded so very attractive when she did that. Damn it. I clenched my teeth. And when I two seconds later heard the sound of a soft material landing on the floor, it didn’t exactly make my situation any better. I took a deep breath and tried to steady myself, but it was a complete lost cause when Tanya emerged from the walk-in closet wearing a baby blue silk robe. She hadn’t bothered tying the robe correctly, and much of her cleavage was therefore exposed to my eyes. 

“Seriously?” I said and tried to sound dry even though I felt anything but dry. “A whole closet full of clothes, and that’s the only thing you could think of wearing?”

“Yes,” Tanya said and smirked. “I figured you’d appreciate this more.”

“Well, you’re not wrong,” I mumbled quietly. 

Not quietly enough. Tanya chuckled lightly and looked rather delighted as she walked over to the bed were, I was sitting. “So miss Manson...” she joked.

I rolled my eyes.

“What have you been doing since the last time?” she asked and ignored my grimace. 

“Oh, you know, working. The usual.”

“So definitely not thinking about me?” Tanya said smoothly. 

“Definitely not.”

“I think you’re lying,” she accused, and her grey eyes gleamed with amusement. 

“And what makes you think your actions have such a big influence on me?” I shot back. 

“So, if I kissed you again you definitely wouldn’t get affected by it?” 

“Only one way to find out,” I challenged.

Challenge accepted. She kissed me. Right then and there, and damn right “her actions affected me”! the moment her lips brushed against mine, I clasped my hands on the back of her neck to pull her closer. The memory of our last kiss had been rummaging around in my mind since the elevator had closed behind me, and Tanya had disappeared from view. 

Tanya responded by burying her fingers in my short hair. She tugged, and wasn’t being particularly gentle with me, and I didn’t mind that at all! In fact I wanted more. I wanted to pull her down on top of me. I wanted to rip her bathrobe off and have my sweet way with her. 

The universe wanted it differently. I had only just wrapped my arms around her neck when there was a knock on the door and a faint: “miss Goldstein?” 

Tanya cursed as she broke the kiss and then said: “yes?” 

The door to the hotel room was opened and I hastily pushed myself into a more normal sitting position. It was the brunette barbie doll from earlier. She came in and began yapping on about how filming had been moved from six to five tomorrow morning. 

Tanya didn’t seem overly thrilled but still thanked “Barbie” and then sent her on her way. Once she was gone, Tanya turned to me again: “it would appear that I should be going to bed instead of entertaining guests.”

“So you want me to leave?” I guessed. 

“I think that might be best,” Tanya nodded. 

“Right.” I rose from the bed, ran two fingers through my hair and then began to walk in order to reach the door. 

I didn’t even make it halfway before Tanya stopped me by grabbing my arm. “What are you doing on Saturday?” she asked lightly. 

“I don’t think I’m doing anything. Why?”

“Go for a drive with me, then,” she said. 

“A drive?” I echoed. 

“Yes. A drive.” 

“And what exactly does that mean?” 

“It means I’ll see you on Saturday at seven,” Tanya smirked as she leaned in and kissed my cheek. “Goodbye miss Manson.”

“Did you hear me agree to going out with you?” I remarked. 

“Oh, I’m sorry, did you want a handwritten invitation?” Tanya laughed. “Your eyes has already said yes.”

She was most likely right about that, so I didn’t argue. Instead I just said: “see you on Saturday.” Then I resumed crossing the floor to make it to the door. 

Genevieve looked up at me and hissed when I passed her, and once again, Tanya laughed shamelessly at me. Once again, she found my misfortune amusing. 

Maybe I should have been pissed about that, but I was unable to find any type of resentment. Her laugher was simply too sweet. 

“Take care of yourself,” Tanya laughed. Now she was teasing me again, but I couldn’t come up with a sharp answer either. I apparently became unable to function when I was near her. I settled for leaving   
the hotel room without another room. Her laughter was following me down the hallway and my heart was pounding in my chest. Tanya Goldstein had very effectively ensnared me.


	12. Ride or Die

That Saturday night I was standing in front of my mirror, a hundredth percent in doubt of whether a pair of jeans and a tanktop was appropriate for a drive. 

A drive. What did that even mean? A drive where, exactly? Were we merely going to drive around, or had Tanya actually a particular destination in mind? 

I had no idea. And I had no option of asking her. It wasn’t like I had her number or anything. That text she had sent me Tuesday had come from an unknown number. An unknown number which had been immediately become “unavailable” shortly after. 

I kind of wished that there had been a way for me to contact her, though. I would have liked to know more about this mysterious drive. But alas, here I was, ever in the dark. I would just have to roll with it.   
I had no choice but to roll with it. Ride or die. 

I glanced at my reflection in the mirror, wondering if I should put on something else. Like my leather pants. 

No. Because while they looked good on me, they were a nightmare to wear. Incredibly tight fitted and disgustingly warm. Seriously, I had almost pulled a Ross Geller the last time I had worn those leather pants. 

I turned around so I could look at myself from a sideway position. Yep, I looked pretty good in these jeans. They definitely made my ass look great, and Angie The Wise had once claimed that my ass was my greatest ass-et. Pun intended. But I agreed with her. And hopefully, Tanya Goldstein did too. 

I shook my head as the dream I’d had last night popped into my head again. That had been a very good dream. Tanya Goldstein had been wearing her bathrobe. And then she had not been wearing her bathrobe. She had been on top of me. I had been on top of her. Her blonde hair had spread out on the pillow like a halo. Safe to say I had been pretty fucking out of it when I woke up. Angie had asked me if I had dreamed about the boogeyman or something like that. 

In a way I had. My own personal version of a boogeyman. Someone who had absolutely no business being in my dreams, but had been it nevertheless. It was all frustrating. As it was frustrating to not know exactly what “a drive” meant. God, could she even have been more vague?

Once again, I silently cursed Tanya Goldstein and the witchcraft she had unleashed on me. It wasn’t fucking fair. 

I turned my back on my reflection and left my room. Walked into the kitchen where I found Angie with her head in the fridge. Literally. 

“Did you eat the last piece of cake?” she asked accusingly. 

“I did,” I confirmed. “I was working late on an article until one last night, so I-“

“You. Ate. My. Cake.”

“Sorry?” I tried.

Angie slammed the fridge shut and released a dramatic, but sincere groan. “Why are you doing this to me, Swanson?!”

“I wanted cake?”

“And I want cake,” she said through gritted teeth. “But I can’t have any because a beastly excuse for a human being ate it!”

“’A beastly excuse’?” I echoed. “That was a good one. Maybe you should have been a reporter. You definitely have a way with words.”

“Do not change the subject, and do not try to butter me up!”

“Okay. How about this, then? I’ll be bringing home some cake when I get back?”

Her eyebrow rose in curiosity now. “Going somewhere?”

“Yeah,” I confirmed. 

“Where?” 

“Out.”

“Just out?”

“Yep.”

“Alone?”

“Mhmm.”

“And are you the worst actress ever?”

“Rude.”

Angie laughed and then asked: “who are you seeing?”

“I’m not seeing anybody,” I vehemently denied. “I’m just going out.”

“Wearing your nicest jeans and no beanie?” Angie asked. “Sorry. Not buying it, Swanson. You’re seeing someone. And it’s only a matter of time before I find out who!”

“Right then. Good luck with that,” I said and bared my teeth in a grin. Exactly like Tanya had done last night. I did suspect that Tanya was wearing the grin so much better than I, though. Angie took a step backwards as though I had just threatened to murder her in her sleep, and that wasn’t quite the reaction Tanya had gotten out of me last night. Maybe I should leave the acting to Tanya. And maybe I should get a move on. I said goodbye to Angie and ducked out before she could ask anything else. 

I walked down the street, aiming towards Plummer Park. That was where Tanya vaguely said that she would be meeting me. I had no idea what the hell that meant, though. She had said that we were going for a drive, but I didn’t know what that meant either. A drive, where exactly? Were we just cruising around or were we actually going somewhere? I had no idea. 

But I did know that it was fucking cold outside. I should have worn my parka instead of just my denim jacket. But my parka coat looked pretty damn terrible. It was shapeless, a dubious shade of green and it wasn’t as flattering as my denim jacket. And I didn’t want to wear an ugly, shapeless parka coat when I was meeting Tanya Goldstein. Why give her more reason to laugh at me? She’d already done that plenty of times.

I shoved my hands inside the pockets of my denim jacket and tried to concentrate on walking instead of thinking about Tanya and the way she had kissed me last night. And that fucking bathrobe she had been wearing. That ridiculously, thin bathrobe that had kept insisting on sliding down her left shoulder. And the way she hadn’t tied it properly and left... everything on display. Why did she want me to suffer like that? She had been toying with me. Once again, she had toyed with me. And the worst part was that I had let her toy with me. I had liked the way she had toyed with me. And I had been disappointed when our meeting had been cut short because of “Barbie”. My head had been full of ideas about what could have happened if we hadn’t been interrupted. Safe to say that my dreams had been.... interesting. Extremely graphic, and I knew for sure that I had been moaning in my sleep. And I had silently thanked whatever god out there for his ability to make Angie sleep like the dead for once. The last thing I needed was her teasing me about my nightly activities. It was bad enough that I was dreaming. Like, a lot. It had taken me a lot to remember that I was actually twenty eight and not a horny teenager. Usually, I was better at controlling myself. But apparently, my self control meant very little when talking about Tanya Goldstein and that... ridiculous, pretty laughter of hers! 

Damn her. Just damn her. It wasn’t fair that she had the ability to pull me like I was some silly puppet on a string. And damn the way she had kissed me. The way she had tugged at my hair. How could she possibly know that I like having my hair pulled? 

My phone went off somewhere in my pocket, and after having taken one glance at the screen, I found out that it was my mother. The phone was slipped back inside my pocket. She could wait. She could more than wait. 

I patiently waited until a car had passed and then I crossed the street. I could see Plummer Park come into view. The spot where I was going to meet Tanya. Supposedly. She had been more than vague about it, and considering it, I wasn’t even sure whether she was actually gonna show up or not. Because it didn’t make a whole lot of sense that actress Tanya Goldstein was interested in gossip reporter Mara Swanson. 

I stopped abruptly, and so did my musings when a car suddenly glided up beside me. And not just any old car. Oh no, a ridiculously long black limousine. A limousine. I didn’t know whether to laugh or cry. Go for a drive with me. Yeah, right. One hell of a drive. 

Like taken straight out of a movie, one of the doors were opened. A pretty clear invitation, but just in case I was dense, the window was rolled down and some guy popped his head out. He was wearing a cap and a pair of dark sunglasses and therefore it was impossible to see the look on his face when he said: “miss Swanson. Could you be so kind and get in? I think the car might be making people interested.”

“No kidding,” I said and snickered. 

But oh so serious chauffeur was not up for joking. “Please get in, miss Swanson.”

Okay then. I climbed inside the limousine and closed the car door behind me. The first thing I saw when looking around in the limousine was Tanya. She was sitting comfortably in what could only be described as a leather couch and definitely not a car seat. She was wearing a tight, red dress with a zipper down the front. It ended about midthigh and once again there was far too much of her creamy, smooth skin on display. Her long honey golden hair had been gathered on top of her head in a rather glamorous looking bun. Her eye makeup was flawless, and she was wearing a lipstick in the same red shade as her dress. She looked up from her phone when I sat down across her, and then she bared her perfect, pearly white teeth in an even more perfect grin. “Mara.”

Never had my name sounded better. “Tan-ya,” I parroted, exaggerating the pronunciation. “Or do you prefer Tammie?”

“That is entirely up to you,” Tanya drawled. “Whichever you prefer.”

“Is there a difference?” I asked and raised an eyebrow.

“Wouldn’t you like to know,” she grinned. 

Exactly as annoying as the last time. “The limo’s a bit much, don’t you think?” I asked dryly.

“No, I do not,” Tanya replied just as dryly, but I could see that hint of amusement in her grey eyes. 

“Are you trying to impress me?” I drawled. 

“Is it working?” she teased. 

I didn’t answer that. Instead I asked: “where are we going anyway?” 

“I have no idea,” Tanya shrugged. 

“So we’re just driving around?”

“Yes, exactly. I’m glad you catch on so quickly, miss Manson,” she chuckled as she reached underneath the “couch” and found what appeared to be a bottle of champagne. “Drink?” she offered. 

“You have a bottle of champagne lying around in your limousine?” my eyebrow raised. 

“Yes,” Tanya said as though it was the most obvious thing on earth. “So do you want a drink or not?”

“I- yeah. That sounds good,” I said. 

“Excellent.” She popped the bottle of champagne open and quickly found a glass. Of course she didn’t spill on herself. Typically. She filled the glass with champagne and then handed it to me. 

“Thank you,” I said as I accepted the glass. 

“Don’t thank me yet. You don’t even know how it tastes,” Tanya teased as she poured herself a glass and then clinked it with mine. “Cheers.”

“Cheers.” I parroted and took a sip. Of course the champagne tasted excellent. Sweet and crispy. If money had a taste, it would definitely taste like this.

Tanya sat her glass down on the little table (!!) and reached within her purse. She found a lipstick and a little mirror and elegantly began to reapply her lipstick whilst muttering something about her lips being chapped. 

I almost snorted at that. “Sorry, but I can’t see that your lips are chapped. Like, at all.”

“If you had spent your morning kissing Alexander Scott, your lips would be chapped too,” Tanya said and then merrily added: “oops. Spoilers.”

“I won’t tell anyone,” I assured. 

“Good,” she chuckled as she slipped the lipstick and mirror back in her purse and then reached for her glass of champagne. She took a sip, and I immediately noted that there was no lipstick markings on   
the rim of the glass. Of course there wasn’t. Tanya Goldstein was not the type to leave lipstick marks on her glass. 

“So, who is taking take of Genevieve tonight?” I asked. 

“Beth is.”

“And who’s Beth?”

“My assistant,” Tanya chuckled. 

“How many assistants do you have?” I asked and raised an eyebrow slightly.

“A few,” Tanya smirked. 

“A few,” I mocked, beginning to doubt whether we were actually still talking about assistants. 

“Mmm. Cheers, miss Manson.”

I rolled my eyes as I raised my glass again. “Cheers.” After having taken a small sip I asked: “so where are we going?”

“Where would you like to go, miss Manson?”’

“You were the one who asked me to take a drive,” I pointed out. 

She cackled hoarsely at that, and for some reason the sound reminded me of a beautiful but psychopathic villainess.

“Is this the part where you take me to a remote area and torture me before killing me and dumping my body?” I asked dryly. 

She cackled again. “I don’t usually hang out in remote areas. And killing you sounds like a very messy business.”

“Depends on how you kill me.”

She ignored that. “As for the torture part....” she looked at me up and down. “Would you like me to torture you, Mara?” 

Honest to god? Yep, I wouldn’t mind that one bit. But I didn’t tell her that. Instead I took another and too large gulp of my champagne. The liquid immediately went down the wrong tube, and I coughed slightly. 

She cackled again and then moved so she was sitting next to me. She lazily began to draw circles on my thigh, and I shivered. Shit. That felt a little too good. 

“Is this your way of torturing me?” I asked and tried to sound steady and dismissive instead of breathless.

“Yes,” she said, delighted that I understood so quickly.

“It doesn’t feel like torture,” I pointed out. 

“No?” she said innocently, and her hand moved to my inner thigh instead. “How about now then?”

“Nope. Still not torture.”

“You’re underestimating how long I can keep this up, dear,” she teased as she drew lazy patterns on my inner thigh. 

I tried not to shiver at that and wondered what the hell I was doing. I was pretty much letting Tanya Goldstein feel me up in the back of a limousine. Scandalous, really. Absolutely scandalous. But damn, it   
felt good! Those light touches were she barely grazed my thigh with her fingertips was already starting to drive me slightly mad. 

And she knew it. She smirked shamelessly at me and then bared her perfect white teeth in a grin. “Have you been thinking about me, miss Swanson?”

“No, of course not.” I lied. 

“Really?” Tanya said and narrowed her grey eyes at me. 

“Mhmm.”

“I think you’re lying,” she said plainly. “I think you have been thinking about me. Exactly like I have been thinking about you.”

“You have?” I said skeptically. 

“Mhmm,” she teased, mirroring my words. “You’ve made quite the impression on me.”

“Yes, I’m sure seeing me spilling coffee all over myself was very memorable,” I said darkly. 

She laughed and the sound went straight to my more private areas. Her fingers were still stroking my inner thigh lightly, and I was starting to feel the effect of her touches in certain places. Maybe I didn’t   
know her all that well (well enough to let her grope me on the backseat of a limo, apparently!) but I knew enough to figure out that Tanya Goldstein was pretty shameless. Exactly how shameless she was I   
would have liked to find out. Whether those touches were just the prelude to something else. But I never found out. Because Tanya’s cellphone started chiming, and she sighed deeply as she thrusted one hand into a purse which had probably costed more than my college education. 

Bringing the phone up to her ear, Tanya simply said: “yes?”. I could faintly hear a female voice saying something in the other end, and Tanya rolled her grey eyes. “The entire scene. Seriously?” she made a face. “So I’ve just spend my morning kissing Alexander for no damn reason? That’s what you’re telling me right now?” the answer to that was clearly yes. Tanya made another face as she replied to whatever the woman said. “Yes. Alright. Of course. And exactly how many layers of clothes will I be wearing for that? You know how I feel about that, Annalise.”

I tried not to look too affected when Tanya started talking about “layers of clothes”. What did that mean? Did I even want to know what that mean? 

“So it’ll just be a shot of me from the back?” Tanya said. “Alright well, I suppose I can live with that. Okay. And what time will that be? In two hours?” she sighed. “Yes, that does actually interfere with my plans, but it is what it is. I’ll be there then. Okay. Thank you, Annalise. Bye.” She ended the call and turned her attention to me. “I’m terribly sorry, miss Swanson. But it looks like our night has just been cut short again.”

“Okay,” I said lightly and joked: “we haven’t exactly made plans or anything.”

“Oh believe me, I had made plenty of plans for tonight, Mara,” Tanya said, and gone was the professional actress she had been over the phone just a moment ago. 

“Okay? And what were those plans then?” I asked and tried not to sound too breathless. 

“Something I’d like to follow up on,” Tanya said lightly. “What are you doing on Saturday night?” 

“Nothing,” I said immediately. Angie and Cooper were going to visit his parents and stay for dinner. The apartment would be empty, and I was planning on “celebrating” that by watching crap tv in the   
living room and consume a whole bag of chips. 

“Great. Have dinner with me then,” Tanya said silkily. “I’ll have Fred picking you up in front of your apartment in his own car at seven. The limousine is nice, but it does tend to make people stare.”

“I don’t remember saying yes,” I sassed. 

“Well...” Tanya leaned forward slightly, hand brushing my thigh again. “Give me one good reason to say no, then.” 

I couldn’t think of any. Of course I couldn’t. Tanya was undoubtedly the most gorgeous, most irritating woman I had ever met. And I damn well wanted to see her again. 

“Alright then,” I said and tried to sound nonchalant. “I’ll have dinner with you.”

“Excellent,” Tanya said and then she pressed a button. The wall that separated us from the driver slid down, and Tanya said: “we’ll be dropping off miss Swanson now, Peter.” 

“Yes, miss Goldstein,” the chauffeur- Peter- said. 

I barely felt the limousine turn around. Hell, if it wasn’t for the fact that Tanya had told me we were going for a drive, I could easily have believed that the car wasn’t moving at all. The limousine was almost completely mute. 

“I am sorry our night was cut short,” Tanya said, and for once she sounded genuine. 

“That’s fine,” I assured her. 

“Not to me it’s not. I didn’t put on one of my favorite dresses only to have a brief chat with you.”

“No? So what DID you put on that dress for?” I drawled. 

Tanya didn’t answer. Instead she just smiled. A slow, teasing smile that worked just as well as those teasing touches had done a moment ago. How the hell had this woman gotten under my skin so   
quickly? Why was I letting her? Why was it so goddamn easy to fall under her spell? 

I didn’t know. And I didn’t find out either. But my eyes never left Tanya’s as the limousine took us back. I had no idea what kind of expression my face was making, but she was smiling at me. Teeth bared like she was some vampire who was planning on devouring me. 

A shiver ran down my spine at that. A teeny tiny voice in the back of my mind was firmly telling me off for being an idiot, but the more dominating part of me didn’t give a damn. I was far too busy being eye fucked by Tanya. And enjoying it. 

As on cue, Tanya laughed crisply and took a sip of her champagne. “Don’t forget your champagne, miss Manson.” 

She was teasing me again. Now I glared at her as I took a sip of my champagne. 

I didn’t manage to drink all of it before the limousine stopped and Tanya announced that we were back at Plummer Park. 

“I suppose I better get out before anyone sees me then,” I joked. 

But before I could get the chance to do, Tanya leaned forward again and put a hand on my arm. “I’m looking forward to seeing you on Saturday.” She gave my arm a soft little squeeze. That shouldn’t have been enough to make me feel warm. But it was.

And her genuine tone surprised me, so all I could say was: “yeah”. 

“Wear something suitable,” Tanya said, teasing again, clearly unable to stay serious for long. “We’re going to restaurant Providence.”

“Uhh...” I stared at her like I was some not very intelligent fish. Restaurant Providence was literally the fanciest restaurant in all of Los Angeles. What the fuck? “Are you sure about that?” 

“Yes, of course,” Tanya said lightly. “Why wouldn’t I be?”

“That’s an expensive place,” I pointed out. 

“Don’t worry about that,” she brushed me off. “I’m inviting you.”

“You just feel like buying me dinner on a ridiculous expensive restaurant?” I asked and tilted my head slightly.

“Yes,” Tanya said, clearly delighted that I was catching on so quickly.

“Why?” I asked plainly. “What’s the catch?”

“There is none,” Tanya replied, and her hand wandered up to rest on my cheek. “As I said, I like spending time with you, Mara.” She now stroked my cheek lightly.

I could live with that. And it kinda felt like my skin was melting where she was touching me. “Okay. See Saturday then.” 

“Wear something suitable,” Tanya repeated with a chuckle and brushed her thumb over my cheek before moving her hand away entirely. 

“Sure. I’ll wear my nicest jeans,” I teased as I opened the car door. 

“Then I’ll have to flirt with the waiter to get him to let you in,” Tanya deadpanned. 

I laughed. “I’m looking forward to seeing that. See ya.”

“Oh yes,” she said simply. 

I got out of the limousine and slammed the door behind me. It didn’t take long before I saw it drive away. Tanya was on her way to her next appointment. 

But on Saturday she had an appointment with me. We were going out for dinner together apparently. 

I snickered quietly to myself. God, Tanya Goldstein was something else. And she was fucking addictive. 

As I walked back down the street, the next dilemma presented itself. Did I even have clothing fancy enough for restaurant Providence?

I wasn't so sure about that. But one thing I was sure of, though. Now I had to buy Angie cake.


	13. A fancy date and a red dress

It was Saturday. I had no fucking idea how it had come to be. But it was. And I was going on a date tonight. 

A date. With Tanya Goldstein. Totally normal. Nothing to freak out about. At all. 

Ha. Plenty to freak out about. A DATE with Tanya Goldstein. Leading lady in “Love Me Not”. Celebrated and highly popular actress. And she wanted to go on a date. With me. Part of me was still expecting a horde of reporters jumping out and laugh in my face and tell me that it all had been a big joke. A delayed April Fool’s or something like that. 

Maybe I would see those reporters tonight. Or maybe I wouldn’t. Maybe I would spend the evening with Tanya, dining in a ridiculously, over the top expensive restaurant. That was ridiculous. And what was even more ridiculous, was the way she had been flirting with me the last time I had seen her. With her touches and her smoky voice. Needless to say I had spend some quality time with my vibrator afterwards. And the fantasies in my head combined with the vibrations on my clit had lead to an almost heart stopping orgasm. I was relieved that Angie had been at Cooper’s place that night. Otherwise I would have traumatized her for life. And honestly, I liked her too much for that to happen. She didn’t deserve to be driven to insanity by my one-on-one time. 

A slight sigh escaped me. I blinked. I had totally been zoning out while staring at my laptop screen. I was supposed to wrap up some work real quickly, but instead I had been sitting and staring blankly at the screen whilst thinking about Tanya. Again. If I lost my job because of that, I would definitely be suing her. 

I chuckled to myself as I flexed my fingers and replied to that email I had been sitting and staring blankly at for the past five minutes. There. Now I was done. Now I could concentrate entirely on thinking about Tanya. I was good at that. A champion. Had it been a job, I would seriously be acing it. What was she doing right now? Was she still shooting “Love Me Not”? Or had they wrapped up for today? Was she in the middle of planning what she was going to wear for tonight? Was she thinking about me?

No. That was ridiculous. 

And yet.... she had said the last time that she had been thinking about me. 

My stomach twisted. I felt that tingling sensation in my gut. My palms were going sweaty just thinking about how she had caressed my thigh the last time I had seen her. Fuck. Maybe I should have a bit of quality time with myself before I had to get ready. 

“Mara?” 

I nearly groaned. Or maybe not. Angie clearly had other plans. “Yeah?” 

My roommate came shuffling into the living room. She plopped down on the couch where I was sitting and snottily declared: “we should watch a movie. I feel like shit.” 

I automatically inched away from her. “Sorry. Can’t. I’m going out. You know that.”

“Oh. Right.” she coughed into a tissue. “Where did you say you were going again?”

“Restaurant Providence.”

She laughed hoarsely. “Yeah right. I was actually serious, Mara.”

Yeah, so was I. But Angie would never believe me, so I muttered out the name of one of my favorite bars instead. 

“You going alone?” she yawned. 

“No, I’m going with Jackie,” I said, blurting out the first name that came to mind. 

Angie opened her glassy fever eyes. “Jackie? Office Jackie? Jackie who’s been hitting on you for months? That Jackie?” 

Shit. I shouldn’t have said Jackie. I should have come up with a different name. A better one. I forced a laugh out. “No, of course not, dummy. I was just messing with you.” 

“Oh thank god!” Angie coughed. “For a moment I thought-“

“No. I’d never do that.” 

“Good. Good,” she said, blowing her nose in the tissue again. “So, who are you going out with?” 

“No one. I’m going alone.”

“Again?” she cringed. “Damn. If I was feeling better, I would go with you.”

“Thanks, but please keep your germs in here.”

She swatted my arm. “Funny. Real funny.”

“I know. I’m totally gonna be a comedian if Ingrid fires my ass.”

“Jesus,” she rolled her eyes. 

I laughed and checked my watch. “I have time to pop to the grocery store before I’m leaving. Is there anything you need?”

“Licorice!” Angie said. 

“Okay. I’ll buy that,” I said as I rose from the couch. 

“And maybe some chicken soup.” 

“That’ll be good for your throat. I’ll buy that too.”

“And some orange juice.”

“To relieve your sinuses. Yup. Got it.”

“And maybe some of that ginger tea. You know, the one on the top shelf.”

“Sure.”

“And some cough drops. And maybe a magazine if I get bored. Or two. Actually, can’t you just buy one of each?”

“Angie. You are taking advantage of my kindness.”

“I am not. I’m just asking you to grab a couple of things.”

“No, you’re asking me to buy the whole store for you.” I deadpanned. 

Her retort was lost in an almighty coughing fit, and I took the opportunity to scurry into the hall where I found my shoes. 

“You are going to buy me those cough drops, right?” she croaked from the living room. 

“Yes. Angie. I am going to buy you those cough drops.”

“And the orange juice?”

“Yes. That too.”

“Chicken soup?” 

“If you’re lucky,” I joked. “Now, don’t shout orders at me. That’s definitely not good for your throat.”

But she didn’t stop shouting orders. “Don’t forget the licorice! I really need licorice!”

“And you’ll get ‘em. If you stop shouting at me.”

“Yes, mummy,” Angie teased and coughed. 

“Say that again and I’m not buying you anything!” I warned as I shrugged on my ragged denim jacket. 

She laughed, and I felt ever so slightly taken advantage of. Which I didn’t hesitate to tell her. And when I did, she laughed even harder. 

“You should show some gratitude!” I half-yelled. 

“Oh, I’m very grateful,” she assured. “If you could get your ass in gear, that is!”

“You’re a bitch,” I laughed. 

“And you love me.”

“Nah, I despise you.”

“So much you wanna buy me licorice.”

“You got it. See ya when I get back!” 

“Hurry.”

By the time I came back from the grocery store, Angie was fast asleep and snoring and drooling all over the couch. I tried not to laugh as I stored the groceries away in the fridge. She looked like she would be out cold for a while, and that suited me fine. Now I could get dressed in peace and quiet. I headed back to my room, closed the door and opened my closet. I still had no idea what to wear tonight. I had gone over many, many options, and I was still coming up empty. I squinted as I scanned every last item of clothes in my closet. How about my leather pants? Nah. No way I would sit and squeak on a chair all night. What about a pair of my nicer jeans? Nope. According to Tanya, we were having dinner at restaurant Providence. I couldn’t wear jeans to a fancy-as-hell-restaurant. 

I ended up choosing a mint green V-Neck dress. I hadn’t worn it in a while, but it was a nice dress. Nice enough to wear to restaurant Providence. I pulled my grey hoodie over my head, tugged my jeans off and rolled on a pair of stockings. I couldn’t even remember the last time I had worn stockings, and I tried not to scratch at my newly shaven legs. Fuck, that itched! 

I pulled the dress over my head and smoothened it over my thighs. I rolled my shoulders slightly and glanced at my reflection. Yup, that looked nice. I could definitely wear this. I quickly checked that there was no holes in the stockings and then grabbed a pair of high heeled shoes. It had been a while since I last had worn high heels as well, but I decided to give it a shot anyway. I sat down on the edge of the bed and fastened the straps around my feet. I wiggled my feet, already doubting this project. I stood from the bed and walked up and down my bedroom floor. Clack-clack-clack. Woops. A little unsteady too. There would be no walking long distances tonight. But I looked nice, so it was all worth it. 

I spent the next half hour on doing my makeup and attempting to tame my unruly hair. And cursing. Why, whyyyy had I ever thought that cutting my hair was a good idea?! Why hadn’t I listened to Angie when she tried to convince me that cutting my hair right after a breakup was a bad idea? I was such an idiot. What the hell had I been thinking? That I would look like an adorable pixie? Yeah, right. Pixies were tiny and delicate like a ballerina. Pixies had big (and probably blue) eyes and small hands and feet. I was exactly the opposite. Long limbs. Deep set brown eyes. I was not a pixie kind of girl. I never had been, and I never would be. I don’t know why I thought that a haircut would change that. I must have been completely gone over having been broken up with. 

I paused with a hand still in my hair. Lily. I hadn’t actually thought that much about her lately. And her smell of cake. Huh. Weird. I was supposed to be heartbroken, wasn’t I? Lily was the love of my life, right? The one I was supposed to do all sorts of things with. 

I abandoned trying to find the reason why I was thinking less and less about Lily. Instead I reached within the closet again and found one of my longer coats. One that would cover my dress. Angie was asleep, but there was no way of telling for how long, and I knew that if she saw me wearing this dress, she would begin to ask questions. And she definitely wouldn’t buy my story about going to one of my “usual” places. She would ask and ask and ask like a police officer, and I would back down from pressure and tell her with whom I was actually meeting. And then all hell would break loose. 

I was heading towards the bedroom door when my phone chimed. I stopped to check the message: ‘we’ll be there in ten minutes. T’. Well then. I had to get a move on then. I quickly left the bedroom. 

Angie was conscious when I came back into the living room. “Eww,” she murmured. She clearly had spotted the drool she had left on the couch. I cackled, ready and prepared to tease her about it. But before I could get the chance to do that, she croaked: “you’re back already. Did you get my licorice?”

“You’ve been drooling all over the couch for an hour, Angelica,” I teased. 

She coughed and wrinkled her nose. “Don’t call me that. Could you please gimme the licorices?”

I walked over to the cupboard, found the bag of licorice and tossed it to Angie. “Here you go.” 

“Thanks,” she sniffled into a Kleenex. 

“You feel any better?” I asked. 

“No,” she said dramatically and sneezed into the Kleenex.

“I’m sorry. Do you want me to make you some tea before I leave?” I offered. 

“No, it’s fine,” she sniffled. “Cooper might stop by to take care of me.”

“Awww,” I cooed. “Best boyfriend ever!”

“He’s not my boyfriend,” Angie vehemently denied. 

I snorted. “Right.” 

“He isn’t,” she said firmly. “He’s just someone I-“ 

“Shag regularly?” I suggested. 

She laughed and coughed. “Yeah, exactly.”

“Ang, the man spends half of his time hanging out here, and you’ve just said that he’s coming by to “take care of you” while you’re sick. I hate to break it to you, but he’s totally your boyfriend.” 

“He. Is. Not.” Angie said slowly, punctuating each word. “I am not having boyfriends. Too much pressure.”

“God, you’re terrible,” I laughed as I left the apartment. I was pretty sure I could hear her deny all the way downstairs. 

I walked down the street, and it didn’t take long before a sleek, black car glided up beside me. Not the same car as last time, no, no. This time, it was Mercedes. God forbid Tanya Goldstein should use the same car twice. I suffocated a grin as the door to the passenger seat was opened. 

“Looking for a ride, miss Manson?” Tanya drawled from somewhere in the car, and now I actually grinned. 

“I might,” I drawled back, trying my best to imitate her over-the-top-accent. 

“Get in,” Tanya said plainly. Clearly done messing around. 

“Well, since you ask so nicely...” I joked as I climbed inside the Mercedes and slammed the door behind me. I wiggled around slightly to buckle my seatbelt, and then I looked at Tanya. Her blonde hair had been tugged away under that brunette wig I had seen her wearing twice now. 

“Hi, Tammie,” I chuckled. “Is that what I should call you tonight?” 

“Might be best,” Tanya nodded. “I don’t need a horde of paparazzies snapping pictures of me while I’m having dinner with you.”

“You do realize I am a paparazzi too, right?” 

She bared her perfect, white teeth in a she-devil grin. “And I trust you’ll be discreet.”

“You can count on that,” I said, leaning back in the comfortable leather seat. “The cat won’t be joining us for dinner?” 

Tanya snorted. “The cat’s name is Genevieve, Mara. Best remember that. Otherwise you’ll end up offending her greatly.”

“Right. Got it. Are we seriously going to restaurant Providence?”

“Yes, indeed. I am a woman of my word,” Tanya said and brushed invisible dust off her perfect, white trench coat. She looked like something straight out of an old Hollywood film. Her chocolate brown wig had been styled in elegant curls, and there was no way of telling that it actually was a wig. 

“Seeing something you like, miss Swanson?” Tanya drawled, and I quickly came to the conclusion that I was staring at her. Tanya flashed me an overbearing smile. She was used to that. She was used to having people staring at her like she was some sort of goddess. 

“What is hiding underneath that coat of yours?” she asked silkily as she leaned forward and gave me a whiff of the spicy perfume she was wearing tonight. 

“I could ask you the same thing,” I shot back, congratulating myself with how smooth I sounded. 

She laughed. Of course she did. She always laughed at me. “Perhaps I’m not wearing anything at all,” she said smokily. “Have you considered that?” 

“Not until now,” I said and felt my tongue dry out like a dead leaf in my mouth. Obviously, I knew she wasn’t naked underneath that trench coat, but the thought alone....sweet Jesus have mercy! 

She laughed again. “Suppose I was....What would you do then, Mara?” 

“I would think that you are one hell of a bold woman,” I muttered. 

That only made her laugh harder. 

“So...” I said, desperately trying to think of something that wasn’t Tanya Goldstein’s naked body. “Are you filming tomorrow?” 

“Yes,” Tanya nodded. “But we’re wrapping up in a few weeks, and I cannot tell you how relieved I am about that. It’s been a rollercoaster.” 

“Should I be afraid for Celeste’s safety?” I joked. “Is she gonna be in trouble in season two?” 

“Isn’t she always in trouble?” Tanya chuckled. 

I agreed with that. Yes, Celeste was very, very prone to always wander into dangerous situations. 

“Are we getting a season three?” I asked innocently. 

“Like I can tell you that,” Tanya scoffed. 

“Please?” I coaxed. 

She raised an eyebrow. “Should I strip you down and check for any microphones, Mara?” 

“Uhh... no, that won’t be necessary. I’m not wearing a microphone.”

“I see. Should I strip you down just for the hell of it, then?” she purred. 

I automatically crossed my legs when her words send frissons of arousal into my groin. “You are not playing fair.”

“I never do,” Tanya said delighted. “And I’ve never claimed to do so either.”

“You are pretty annoying,” I blurted out. 

That didn’t phase her. She still looked completely delighted. “Yes, so I’ve been told. So, what have you been doing since the last time? I want to know everything.”

“Everything? Every last little boring detail about my boring life?” I joked. “It’s gonna be a long night.”

“It will if you keep complaining,” Tanya pointed out. 

I sighed and rolled my eyes as I began telling her what I had been doing since the last time. Every last little details about my day-to-day life. My job, my apartment, my friends, my roommate. And what stunned me was the fact that Tanya seemed genuinely interested in all my nonsense. Sure, she had been teasing me a second ago, but now she looked at me like I was the most interesting person in the world, and I wonder why the hell that was. I literally wasn’t anything special. I was just a reporter who happened to be filling in for my co-worker. 

“Go on,” Tanya encouraged when I fell silent for a moment. 

And so I did. I told her more about my job and my boss from hell, Ingrid. Tanya laughed at that. And this time she was actually laughing with me and not at me. That made for a nice chance. 

Soon the Mercedes pulled up in front of what I supposed was the restaurant. The car had tinted windows, so it was a bit difficult to see. 

“I do believe we’ve arrived at our destination,” Tanya commented and sounded a bit like she was some sort of GPS. 

I snickered. “You have a way with words.” 

“I’ve always been a cunning linguist,” she said without batting an eye, and I damn nearly spluttered. My cheeks heated up. God, that was even worse that my whole possession/position slip up. And mostly because this wasn’t a slip up. Tanya knew a hundredth percent what she had just said. And she made no attempt at hiding that as she grinned at me. I rolled my eyes slightly.

“Shall we?” she said briskly as she opened the door. “I’m hungry, and I don’t want us to be late.”

“Right.” I scrambled and followed her out of the car. There it was. Tonight’s destination. Restaurant Providence. The bouncer was wearing a sleek, black suit, and it looked like he had tossed half a bottle of gel in his hair. He measured us from head to toe as we approached. “Good evening,” he said in that typical, posh fashion you only heard at overpriced restaurants.

“Good evening. Reservation for Manson?” Tanya said sweetly. 

The bouncer’s face lit up in a smile. “Oh yes, miss Manson. Do come in.” 

Yeah, he totally knew who Tanya actually was. No doubt about that!

We followed him inside the foyer where he immediately offered to take our coats. “Yes, that would be lovely. Thank you,” Tanya said briskly as she loosened the belt in her trench coat and then unbuttoned it. I tried to keep my jaw where it belonged as I looked at the scarlet red dress, she was wearing underneath. Ending at her midthigh and with an extremely plunging neckline that left little to the imagination. She made eye contact with me and flashed me a lazy little smile. That made me wake up and realize that the bouncer was still waiting for my coat. I got a move on and unbuttoned the coat and handed it to him. 

Now it was Tanya’s turn to look at me. And boy, did she ever look at me. Looked at me up and down and then flashed me the sauciest grin I had ever seen. 

The bouncer summoned a waiter. An equally slick looking waiter. He completely gushed as he welcomed us. He clearly knew Tanya too. 

“Your table is ready,” he announced. “Come, come.” 

We followed him inside the restaurant, and once again I tried to keep my jaw in place. This was undoubtedly the poshest place I had ever sat foot in, and I silently wondered what the heck I was doing here. 

“Not too shabby,” Tanya joked as we sat down at our window table. 

“I really hope you’re joking,” I said flatly. 

She chuckled as she reached for her menu. “Do you like oysters, miss Manson? Or are you more in the mood for fish?” 

“I literally have no idea,” I told her as I opened my own menu and took a glance at the different meals one could choose. Most of it looked like miniature meals to be honest, and I doubted that any of it would be enough to actually make me feel full when I was done eating. I told Tanya that, and she chuckled fruitily. “Might I make a suggestion?” 

“Sure,” I said. 

“Let’s order some oysters.”

I raised an eyebrow. “Seriously?” 

“Yes,” she said cheerfully. “Let’s be tacky and order oysters and champagne.” 

I laughed. That was definitely tacky as hell. And I kinda liked it. “Okay.”

Tanya waved a hand, and seemingly out of nowhere, the waiter appeared. “Have you decided what you want to eat, miss... miss Manson?” he asked. 

“We’d like two dozens of oysters and some champagne,” Tanya said briskly. 

“Yes, miss Manson. I’ll get that for you,” he said in a very respectful manner, and I rolled my eyes. The guy looked like he was on the verge of bowing for Tanya. Jesus Christ, it felt like it was the queen of England who had come to dine here. 

“That waiter totally knows who you are,” I said quietly. 

“Of course he does,” Tanya said with a chuckle. “This is not the first time I’m having dinner here. But don’t worry. He’s discreet. We won’t be surrounded by reporters in a moment.” 

“Got a problem with being surrounded by reporters?” I asked cheekily. 

“Yes. If they show up in a situation where I’m not prepared, I do,” Tanya drawled and leaned back on her chair. 

Obviously, that made me gawk at her. What a dress she was wearing tonight. What a scandalous, perfect red dress. Her breasts were basically staring me in the face, and the way they bounced when she laughed didn’t exactly help the matter. I was screwed. 

“I think you’re getting distracted,” Tanya accused, and I finally looked up at her face. She was grinning in that she-wolf manner again. 

“I might be,” I said and made no attempt at hiding it. That would be ridiculous anyway. 

She laughed fruitily, and once again, I felt distracted. And a bit disbelieving, honestly. She was Tanya Goldstein, famous actress. And I was Mara Swanson, reporter and struggling to make the ends meet. 

What the hell was someone like Tanya doing with someone like me? And why was I so attracted to her when I actually was supposed to find her annoying? Well, I still did. Tanya was definitely annoying. She was teasing me. She was laughing at me. But I found it to be more sexy than annoying. Which was a problem. 

My train of thoughts was interrupted when the waiter came back with two glasses and a bottle of champagne. He threw himself into a monologue about the champagne and what year it was from before he finally popped the bottle open and poured the champagne into the glasses. 

“Just leave the bottle, please,” Tanya drawled. 

“Yes, miss Manson.” He sat the bottle down on the table and then left. 

“Are you planning on getting drunk?” I teased. 

“No. I’m planning on having a good time,” she said plainly as she raised her glass. “Cheers, Mara.”

“Cheers,” I said and tried not to enjoy the way she said my name. I took a sip of my champagne, and it was really good. Bubbly and crispy. Perfect. 

“So?” Tanya asked and licked her lips. “Where did you grow up?” 

I laughed and tried not to spill any champagne as I sat the crystal glass down. “Seriously?”

“What?” Tanya raised an eyebrow. 

“That’s like, the tackiest line ever,” I informed her still chuckling. 

“Says who?” she shot back. “Do you have a problem with telling me where you grew up? Is it a government secret, perhaps?” 

“Uhh, no.” 

“Good. Then answer the question.”

I grimaced. God, she was impossible! “I grew up in Colorado.”

“That sounds nice,” Tanya said, and for once she sounded completely genuine. 

“The view is definitely nice,” I said half-heartedly and felt a rush of guilt as I thought of my parents. It had been ages since I last came home for a visit. And since I last called them. Shit. I would have to do something about that really soon.

“How old were you when you moved away?” Tanya asked interested and took another sip of her champagne. 

“Twenty one,” I replied. “Where did you grow up? Beverly Hills? Fancy land?” 

She laughed throatily. “I grew up in Rocky Mountains.” 

“Nu-uh. No way,” I said and shook my head. “You’re a country gal?!”

“Oh yes,” Tanya said and pushed a lock of her for the night chocolate brown hair behind her ear. 

“You’re messing with me,” I accused. 

“I can assure you, I’m not. I even have my own horse and everything,” she chuckled. “Goldie Hawn. She’s retired now, but she was quite the race horse in her time.”

I spluttered. “You named your horse Goldie Hawn?!” 

“Oh yes,” Tanya said and laughed. “And the name actually suits her quite nicely.” 

I couldn’t stop laughing. Goldie Hawn the horse. That was hilarious. 

She took another sip of her champagne and then looked me up and down. “You look very nice tonight. I like the dress.” 

“Thank you,” I said, blushing like an idiot over the unexpected compliment. “You look... well, you look fantastic.”

“Thank you,” Tanya said with a chuckle, pushing a lock of chocolate brown hair behind her ear again. 

“You look great with dark hair,” I said unmotivated. “I mean, you look great with your own hair color too, but the dark look suits you.”

She chuckled lightly. “Believe me, this hair color is beginning to feel just like home.”

“And what does that mean?” I asked, tilting my head. 

“Let’s just say I’m very familiar with being a brunette.”

Oh, no way! “You’re not telling me that your natural hair color isn’t blonde, are you?” I asked and squinted at her. 

“No, I’m definitely not telling you that,” Tanya drawled and reached for her glass of champagne again. “Cheers.” 

I automatically reached for my own and tried not to gape at the half-information I might or might not just have been told. That Tanya Goldstein’s trademark blonde hair wasn’t natural. 

Before I could ask her anymore about it, the waiter showed up with our oysters, and Tanya’s grey eyes gleamed with excitement. “You do know how to eat oysters, don’t you?” she asked once the waiter had scurried. 

“Yes, I do know how to eat oysters,” I snipped. I had never tried it before, but it couldn’t be that hard, right? 

“Shame. I would so have enjoyed to give you lessons,” Tanya smirked. 

“I don’t need lessons in eating oysters,” I shot back. 

“No?” she leaned forward. “And what do you need lessons in then, Mara?” 

“What makes you think you can teach me anything?” I asked and tried to sound as unaffected as she did, but honestly, I think I sounded more breathless than anything else. 

She laughed. “Oh Mara. I believe I could teach you many, many things.” 

“Keep dreaming.”

“And what makes you think that I haven’t already?” she asked ever so innocently, and I nearly jumped when I felt the heel on her shoe brush against my leg. 

“You’ll rip my stockings if you keep that up,” I told her and helped myself to the oysters. 

“That sounds nice,” she chuckled. 

God, she was impossible, and I almost couldn’t keep up. I took another oyster and rolled my eyes at her. “How is the filming going?” 

“Pretty well,” Tanya said. “Though I’m looking forward to wrapping up the season.”

“And what are you gonna do once the shooting is over? Sit tight and wait for your Golden Globe?” I asked and felt like I was being pretty funny.

“Keep your voice down. Do you want everyone to know that I’m here?” Tanya chided. “And to answer your clever question, no, I am not gonna “sit tight and wait”. I’ve gotten a few offers about roles here   
and there, but I haven’t decided whether I’ll say yes or not. Perhaps I’ll take a break and relax instead.” 

“What do you do when you relax?” I asked and flushed down an oyster with some champagne. I wasn’t completely sure I liked the consistence of oyster. It felt a bit....gooey. 

“Is this another interview?” Tanya teased. 

“Would you treat me like that if it was?” 

“Yes. Absolutely.” 

I sighed gravely. “Just answer the question, please.”

“Fine,” she chuckled, taking another sip of her own champagne before answering me. “I travel.” 

“Got a favorite destination?” 

“Ibiza.” 

Right of course. I shouldn’t have expected any the less from Tanya freaking Goldstein. “I’ve never been to Ibiza.” 

“It’s nice there,” Tanya told me as she raised her glass. “Cheers.”

“Cheers,” I said as I clinked my glass with hers. “Can I ask you something else?” 

“I’m pretty sure you already are.” 

“Funny. Why Tammie?”

“Hmm?” 

I leaned forward slightly and lowered my voice: “why do you call yourself Tammie?” 

“Sometimes I call myself Rose as well.”

“Because...?” 

“Middle name,” she said simply. 

“Oh.” 

“Do you have a middle name?” Tanya asked interestedly.

“Denise.”

“Hm. Mara Denise Swanson,” she slowly pronounced. “It suits you.”

“I’m named after my grandmother. At least that’s what my mother claims. I find it pretty suspicious that my father has a thing for Denise Richards.” 

Tanya laughed again and showed off her perfect white teeth. Fuck, she looked so attractive when she laughed. She looked attractive when she ate oysters. And when she drank champagne. Could she even do something that was not attractive? I was starting to doubt it. 

She flashed me another grin. One that was slightly more cheeky. And then I felt her pointy heel brush against my leg. I should definitely have worn jeans tonight. Or maybe I shouldn’t. What she had said echoed in my head, and I was incapable of getting the image of Tanya ripping my stockings out of my head. God damnit. I was in over my head.   
“Have you always wanted to be a reporter?” she asked me and scratched the back of her neck. Maybe her wig was itching. 

“No, when I was nine, I wanted to be a popstar,” I joked. “Have you always wanted to be an.... you-know-what?”

“No, that was something I figured out when I was around seventeen,” Tanya said. “I originally wanted to be a model, and I actually did do a bit of modelling between the age of nine and thirteen.”

“So, what between the age fourteen and sixteen? What did you do there? Rode around on Goldie Hawn and played cowgirl in the Rocky Mountains?” I joked and felt pretty funny again. 

Tanya’s expression changed. “No, I did not. I was going through a rather rough patch at that time. Though I do suppose the fresh air helped me to some extent.”

I immediately deflated. “Oh. I’m sorry. I didn’t know.” 

“And how could you possibly?” Tanya said softly. “It’s not exactly something I normally share with the public.” It was said without an ounce of malice, and for the first time I saw something else in her energetic gray eyes. I saw something soft. Something that wasn’t Tanya Goldstein-the-actress, but Tanya Goldstein-the-human. She looked different. Gentle, almost. I saw someone I could grow to care-

“Cheers,” Tanya said abruptly, breaking the spell as fast as she had cast it. 

“Cheers,” I parroted and blinked a bit in surprise over my own thoughts. But as to prove that the spell really was broken, Tanya teasingly brushed the heel on her shoe against my leg again, and I inhaled just a little bit too sharply. She smirked at me. “You’re not uncomfortable, are you, Mara?”

“No, I wouldn’t say that,” I said halfheartedly and took another oyster. 

She snickered. “Good. That’s good. I want you to have a good time.”

“I am having a good time,” I assured and tried not to jump when I felt her foot a bit higher on my leg. Jesus, she wasn’t playing fair!

She showed off her pearly white teeth again. Then she licked her lips, and I felt all sorts of weak. I nearly choked on an oyster. 

Once we both were pretty full of oysters and champagne, Tanya and I left the restaurant. I half expected the street to be crowded with people who had recognized Tanya, but the street was empty. Well, apart from the black Mercedes which was still waiting for us. 

“What do you think of the dinner, Mara?” Tanya asked a bit small talk like once we were in the car again. 

“It was really good,” I said truthfully. 

“The champagne was excellent,” Tanya said a bit musingly. 

“Are you drunk?” I teased. 

“Not even in the slightest. What are you doing tomorrow?” she asked frankly. 

I quickly thought about it. Tomorrow was Sunday. Was I doing anything on Sunday? Hmmm. “I don’t think I’m doing anything,” I said and casually continued: “why? Do you have anything in mind?” you’re too eager, Mara.

“It could be nice if you stopped by the hotel,” Tanya said just as casually and scratched the side of her neck slightly. “I wouldn’t have to wear this darned wig if you came to me at the hotel.” 

“Very practical,” I teased. “I think I could find the time to stop by tomorrow night. Maybe. If you’re lucky.” 

She quirked an eyebrow, and she seemed like she was both amused and impressed. “I’ll let Fred know so you don’t have to go through the whole “press card, please”-thing.” 

“I never said I would stop by,” I reminded her. 

“And yet I chose to believe that you will,” Tanya drawled, and then she leaned forward and tapped the wall that separated us from the chauffeur twice. I heard the faint snarl from the engine as Peter-the-chauffeur started the car. 

“If you decide to stop by tomorrow, be there at seven,” Tanya said. “Fred will be waiting for you outside.” 

I was on the verge of teasing her about her “order giving”, but a sound quickly busted that idea. It didn’t take me long to identify the sound as one coming from a phone. And it wasn’t a ringtone or a tone that indicated a text had arrived, it sounded more like an alarm tone. In response to the sound, Tanya wiggled a hand inside her little clutch and found her iPhone. She made the sound stop by swiping a finger over the screen and then she roamed through her clutch again only to mutter a quiet: “crap.” She had clearly been looking for something in her clutch. Something she seemingly couldn’t find. 

“Are you good?” I asked, raising an eyebrow slightly. 

“Yes, I’m perfectly fine. I just forgot something at the hotel. I better go and take care of that,” she said lightly and flashed me a smile. “But first, we’ll be taking you home.” 

“Actually, you don’t have to take me all the way home,” I said. “Just to the corner of my street. I think that’s better. Less attention.” 

“You don’t want to be seen with me?” she asked mournfully. 

My brain bluescreened. “Uhh... Yes, but I just thought-“

“Relax,” she laughed. “I was kidding. You’re right. Dropping you off at the corner of your street is better.” She tapped the wall between the passenger’s seat and the driver’s seat again, and I could feel the Mercedes speed up. 

Much too soon, we reached the corner of my street, and the Mercedes came to a stop. 

“Well,” I said as I unbuckled my seatbelt. “I had a good time tonight.” 

“Me, too,” Tanya chuckled. “You are excellent company, Mara.”

“Yeah. So are you. Tammie.”

She let out a soft, pearly laughter and leaned forward slightly. “See you tomorrow. Maybe.”

“Mmm. I might stop by tomorrow night. If I can find the time in my busy schedule.” 

“You should,” she murmured, voice dropping an octave, and before I could as much as blink, she was brushing her lips against mine. I could have died right then and there, but instead I returned the kiss and cupped her cheeks. Her spicy perfume nearly assaulted my nostrils, and the soft pressure of her lips against mine actually made me a little dizzy. A quiet little voice in the back of my mind informed me what a horrible cliché this was. I was making out with someone in the back of a car. No, scratch that, actually. I wasn’t making out with someone. I was making out with Tanya Goldstein in the back of her ridiculously big Mercedes. I had no idea how the hell my life had come to this, but I was definitely not complaining! 

Tanya moaned a bit into my mouth, her soft fingers slid into my hair and tugged slightly, and I suddenly imagined myself pushing her down on the leather car seat and rucking up that red dress of hers...... 

But before my fantasies could become anything more than just fantasies, there was a faint knock on the wall between the driver’s seat and passenger’s seat and then Peter’s voice: “miss Goldstein? Miss Goldstein, I’m awfully sorry for disturbing you, but you have that appointment at ten thirty...” 

Tanya groaned again as she broke the kiss, but her voice oozed professionalism as she said: “yes. You’re quite right, Peter.”

“Did you want to stop by the hotel on the way?” he asked. 

Tanya seemed to consider it for a moment until finally settling on: “no. That won’t be required today. It can wait.” Then she turned to me. “Well, miss Swanson. I hate to throw you out of the car, but...”

“You’ve got somewhere to be,” I said lightly. “I get it. And I’ll see you tomorrow. Maybe.”

“Yes, see you tomorrow, miss Swanson. Maybe,” she chuckled as I opened the car door. 

She laughed as I finally got out of the car and watched as the Mercedes drove back in the same direction. I wondered where miss-busy-movie-star was going. What the hell had been so funny? Why was she always laughing at me? And I knew one thing: as fun as the “maybe” thing was, I was definitely coming back to the hotel tomorrow night. No doubt about it. 

I began my walk down the street, but after having received several odd looks from passerby’s, I decided that enough was enough. I found my phone in my pocket, tapped in my password and then switched the front camera on. Oh. Now all the odd looks I had received suddenly made sense. And Tanya’s amusement made a hell of a lot more sense too. I had red lipstick smeared all over my mouth and chin, and I might have cursed a little bit. Thanks a lot, Tanya!

To Be Continued......


	14. The Goldstein guide to using and abusing the alarm button

Safe to say I didn’t sleep much that night. Angie had been completely out cold by the time I came home, and the only one I met in the apartment was Cooper. I casually asked him if he was planning on staying the night. He was. Angie wasn’t doing too well, so....

Seriously, how could she keep insisting that that guy wasn’t her boyfriend? I had never met anyone who was more boyfriend material than Cooper. Sometimes Angie and her whole “I don’t want a boyfriend”-thing was ridiculous. 

I said goodnight to Cooper and retired to my own bedroom. I tugged my dress and stockings off and following an impulse, I ended up carefully examining the stockings, trying to see if I could find any tearing. I needed something I could berate Tanya for tomorrow and scolding her for ripping my stockings with her high heels seemed like a good place to start. But I couldn’t find any tearing. Not even a teeny tiny little hole in the stockings. Darn it. She had clearly been more careful than I thought. Or perhaps she had known exactly what she was doing because it wasn’t her first time pedal-flirting. 

I dumped the stockings and dress in my hamper basket. My bra quickly followed suit and I headed over to the closet where I grabbed one of my long t-shirts. That would have to suffice for sleepwear tonight. I emerged from my room again, and tonight I didn’t run into Cooper on my way to the bathroom. Which was more strange than if I had. Colliding with Cooper when I was on my way to the bathroom had almost become a tradition between us. Typically, I was the one to run face first into him, and he was the one to shout for Angie and claim that I was “groping him again”. Hilarious. I was pretty sure Angie wasn’t keeping him around for his exceptionally good humor. 

I quickly removed my makeup, brushed my teeth and did my other bathroom business. I could hear Angie’s muffled voice through the wall. So she had re-emerged from the shadows. But not for a very long time, though. She and Cooper couldn’t have exchanged many words before her room went quiet again. She probably had a fever. Poor thing. I hoped she felt better tomorrow. I hoped those cough drops I had bought for her could help a bit. I rinsed my face one last time to get rid of the last little bit of leftover makeup and then I headed back to my bedroom. 

I climbed back into bed and grabbed my phone from the nightstand. I was planning on succumbing to my bad habit and check Facebook and Instagram before bedtime. There wasn’t much going on on Facebook though, so I quickly turned to Instagram and was planning on scrolling aimlessly like I always did, but tonight there was something that caught my attention. Tanya had uploaded a new picture forty five minutes ago. Interesting. I rolled onto my stomach as I looked at it. It was a picture of the oysters we had consumed earlier tonight, and underneath the picture Tanya had simply written ‘oysters!’. Literally nothing else. And yet the picture had over thirty thousand likes and over ten thousand comments already. Incredible. Imagine if everyone uploaded a picture of their dinner and ended up with over thirty thousand likes every time. I chuckled to myself as I curiously scrolled through the comments. ‘Looks yummy!’ someone had written. ‘Where are you having oysters at?’ someone else had written. And someone else had wittily written: ‘if I make oysters for dinner tomorrow, will you be coming over?’. Ha-ha, funny. Not. I kept scrolling through the comments. There was a lot of ‘I love you so much Tanya!’ and ‘pls reply to me!’ and all that, but one of the comments really made me snort as I read it: ‘dang, all those oysters just for you? Girl, you pregnant?!’ that comment had so many replies, and I was just curious enough to read through them. The first one had replied with a shocked emoji. The second one had written ‘oh pls yes!’, and a third one had commented with: ‘#Tanex’. I might have had some champagne to drink tonight, but I was still aware enough to work out exactly what that meant. The commenter was suggesting that Alexander Scott, Tanya’s co-star was the father of her “baby”. 

By the time I read the sixteenth thousand comment (#MamaTanya), I had to bite my lip not to burst out laughing. Because of an oyster picture, Tanya’s fans now thought she was pregnant. How insane was that? What a butterfly effect. Still, there was a voice of reason amongst the baby-crazed commenters: ‘ya’ll blind, she’s drinking champagne, she probably wouldn’t do that if she was pregnant, smhh!’ and in response to that, someone had written: ‘stop raining on our baby parade!’

I could easily imagine Tanya reading the comments and having a laugh about it. I put my phone down on the nightstand again and curled up under the covers. My goal was to fall asleep, but I ended up thinking about Tanya instead. What was she doing right now? Was she in bed too? Or was she maybe in the shower? I scoffed. Funny how both scenarios seemed to involve a less than dressed Tanya. I could easily picture her in that little bathrobe I had seen her in once. What did Tanya Goldstein wear to bed? She didn’t strike me as the pajama kind of gal. I sighed. Oh shut up and go to sleep, Mara. You had champagne and you’re being ridiculous. Thinking about what Tanya was wearing to bed was ridiculous. As was the way I could still feel the heel of her shoe on my leg............

“ACHOO!”

That was the exact sound I was greeted by the following morning. I cracked one eye open just to make sure that Angie wasn’t standing in my bedroom. That sneeze was so fucking loud it literally sounded like she was standing right by my bed. Which would have been both creepy and disgusting. But fortunately, she wasn’t. She just had a very loud sneeze. And now I was awake. God damnit.

I groaned and debated whether I could go back to sleep or not, but a glance at my cellphone told me that it was 09:30. It was time to get up whether I wanted to or not. 

I forced my unwilling body into a sitting position and then swung one leg out of bed. The other one followed suit a second later, and then I was standing up. Begrudgingly and cursing slightly under my breath, but I was up. I reached within the closet and hauled out a pair of pajama pants. It was cold in my room as always. 

I walked down the hall (which was cold too!) and made it into the kitchen where I found Angie sitting by the kitchen table. She was wrapped in not one but two blankets. Her nose and cheeks were red, and her eyes were glassy still. Cooper was standing in front of the stove, clearly in the middle of making eggs. And bacon. I raised an amused eyebrow. The guy was seriously cooking for Angie. And yet she claimed that he wasn’t her boyfriend. Who was she kidding? I mean, honestly. 

“Good morning, children,” I said as I throttled past Cooper and opened the fridge. I grabbed the carton of orange juice. 

“Can I have some of that too?” Angie croaked as I poured myself a glass of orange juice. 

“Sure,” I reached up in the cupboard and grabbed another glass. “You feeling any better?”

“Noooo,” Angie moaned. “I literally feel like shit. And I look like shit too.”

“You don’t. You look beautiful,” Cooper stated as he loaded eggs and bacon onto a plate. 

I almost snorted. Not her boyfriend, my ass!

Angie just moaned in response as he sat the place in front of her with the words “try to eat something, babe.” 

“Can I have some of that too, or did you only make enough for Angie?” I jokingly asked. 

“There’s enough for two,” Cooper assured as he grabbed a second plate and began loading eggs and bacon on to it while I made some coffee for myself and Cooper. Angie was not having any coffee today. She settled for chamomile tea. 

“Here you go,” Cooper said as he sat the plate down on the kitchen table. 

“Thanks, Coops. You’re the man,” I said as I poured myself a solid cup of coffee. I needed something that could wake me up properly. I’ve had pretty intense dreams all night. And all of them had involved   
Tanya. Obviously. 

Cooper chortled. “It might not be oysters, but it’s pretty good.” 

I nearly dropped my cup of coffee. “Oysters?” shit, how did he know?!

“Tanya Goldstein had oysters last night,” Angie sniffled and blew her nose in a tissue. “Didn’t you see Instagram?” 

Oh. I immediately started breathing normally again. “Oh right. Yeah, I saw that.”

“Oysters and champagne,” Angie said and blew her nose again. “Can you believe that?” 

“Sounds really cheesy,” I commented and sternly reminded myself not to burst out laughing. “I mean, how extra can you be?” 

“Shut up, she’s Tanya Goldstein. She can be as extra as she wants to,” Angie huffed as she grabbed her fork and began pushing her eggs and bacon around on her plate. 

Cooper chuckled as he settled down by the kitchen table with his own cup of coffee. “I read the hilarious conspiracy theories about her being pregnant. People are really-“

“Oh come on, she’s not pregnant!” I blurted. 

Both Angie and Cooper looked at me. “How do you know that?” Angie asked. “There could be a little mini Goldstein cooking in there.”

Once again, I tried not to laugh. “There’s champagne in the picture, Angie. I doubt she would drink champagne if she was pregnant.” 

Angie huffed, and I realized that she was one of them. One of them who wanted Tanya to be pregnant. Oh good god. I couldn’t wait to tell Tanya about that later. She would laugh her head off, I was sure of that. 

Cooper and I sipped our coffee while Angie drank her tea and sniffled into her tissue. “That looks you have a wild night ahead of you,” I teased. 

“Yeah, I’m gonna party like a maniac on the couch,” she mumbled and appeared to be forcing herself to eat some of the eggs and bacon into her mouth. She didn’t look overly thrilled about eating, but I was pretty sure she was convincing herself to eat because she didn’t want to make Cooper sad now that he had cooked for her. Aww. That was pretty adorable.

“Do you have any plans today?” Angie croaked and coughed into her tissue. 

“I’m going out later,” I said nonchalantly and took another slurp of my coffee. 

“Where are you going?” she asked into the tissue. 

“Just out.”

“Alone?”

“Yeah.”

She huffed and sniffled. “You’re obviously lying, but I’m too tired to argue. But just you wait until I feel better. Then I’ll force you to tell me who the heck it is you’re going out with all the time.”

“Who says I’m going out with anyone? I’ve only just ended things with Lily. I’m still heartbroken,” I reminded her. 

“You haven’t been acting very heartbroken lately,” Angie smartly observed. “You’re totally seeing someone, and I think it’s a pretty dickish move that you won’t tell me who it is. We tell each other everything, remember?”

“Woah, easy,” I said and raised an eyebrow. “Is that the fever making you say nasty things?” 

“I’m not saying nasty things,” Angie denied and took a gulp of her tea. “I’m calling you out.”

She was. And I knew that. But I also knew that I couldn’t tell her who it was I was seeing. She would freak out. There would be questions. Of course I didn’t think that she would tell everyone about it, but I doubted that Tanya was interested in having me telling everybody. And it wasn’t like there was much to tell anyway. It wasn’t like we were dating or something like that. Definitely not. It wasn’t....It wasn’t like that. Ergo, I had to keep lying to Angie. “I’m not seeing anyone,” I said firmly. 

“Right,” she snorted. 

“I am not!” I claimed. “You’re seeing ghosts in broad daylight. The fever is making you hallucinate.”

She laughed, thank god. And then her laughter resulted in a coughing fit. Cooper had to come to her aid and tap on her back. And pour more tea for the poor patient. 

“I don’t think I’m well,” she commented with one last cough. 

I snorted. “Really?” 

She immediately began moaning about how she probably wasn’t gonna be fit for work tomorrow, which was a huge disaster. She had so many clients tomorrow, and what wouldn’t they think if she had to cancel them?

“You’re allowed to be sick,” I reminded her. 

“Mara’s right,” Cooper said. “And plus you haven’t been sick for like two years.”

“Not true,” Angie sniffled. “I think I’m dying!”

“You’re not,” I snorted. “Believe it or not, you’ll be fine.” 

“And I’m here to take care of you,” Cooper added. 

“My hero- achoo!” 

And that seemed like my cue to leave and escape the germs flying all over the place. I grabbed my plate and cup of coffee and headed back to my room where I was planning on watching Netflix while I ate the rest of my breakfast. Because it was that kind of morning. I had to watch Netflix. Otherwise I would end up scrolling through Tanya’s Instagram.

That evening I found myself standing in front of my mirror again. That had almost become a tradition now. I chuckled. I was not wearing some swanky dress tonight. I wasn’t going to a fancy restaurant. I could go for something a little more casual. I had settled for a pair of my nicest black jeans and one of those crisp white button ups I normally wore for work. This one actually fit me, so it wasn’t that uncomfortable. I could live with it. And I definitely couldn’t wear a plaid shirt to the Ritz-Carlton. That just wouldn’t do. Perhaps I was going casual, but I still wanted to look nice. I had carefully styled my hair with some sort of product I had stolen from Angie. I had no idea what it was, but it seemed to do the trick. My hair was now soft and smooth and shiny. In my humble opinion, I looked pretty darn good. I could go to the Ritz-Carlton like this. 

After having thoroughly examined my reflection I grabbed my bag containing my phone and wallet and then I left my bedroom. 

Angie was sitting on the couch again. But this time Cooper was sitting with her. She was kind of snuggled up with him, and judging by the looks of it, they were watching an old episode of Doctor Who. It looked like the perfect night in. 

“You’re leaving now?” Angie asked hoarsely and looked at me with glassy eyes. 

“Yep,” I confirmed. 

“Tell the mysterious girl you’re seeing I said hi,” she said sarcastically. 

I didn’t comment on that. I just chuckled as though she was being ridiculous. 

“When I feel better, you and I are going to have a serious talk about how you’re lying to me!” Angie warned with a dry cough. 

“Righto,” I mumbled. “I’ll....bear that in mind.”

Cooper laughed. “Have fun. Wherever you’re going.”

Oh god, not him too! This was ridiculous. The universe was conspiring against me again. “Goodbye, lovebirds,” I said, quickly recovering and trying my best to sound casual. 

“You suck,” Angie said just as casual. 

“So do you,” I chuckled as I headed into the hallway and shrugged on my denim jacket and wiggled my feet into my boots. 

“But at least I’m not keeping any secrets from you!” she croaked. 

“I’m not keeping any secrets!” I denied. 

She barked out a laugh that more than suggested she didn’t believe me in the slightest, and as I left, I silently wondered how long I could keep the truth hidden from her. These kind of things always exploded in your face, right? 

I drove myself today. It felt kind of nice to be the one behind the wheel and be in charge of the speed and the radio. Sure, riding a swanky limousine or Mercedes was pretty awesome, but I’ve always liked driving. I was definitely a backseat driver. It was always driving Angie crazy when I drove with her. She claimed that I never could shut up, and she was absolutely right about that. 

I turned a corner and switched the radio on. I faintly recognized the melody and absentmindedly hummed along. I might have been sitting behind the wheel and steering the car, but I wasn’t present at all. Instead my mind was flooded with Tanya. She was literally all I was thinking about right now. She had been all I was thinking about last night, and I was starting to get cross with myself. I had let her in. 

I was letting her get to me. It was her fault I was acting like some silly teenager. I was being an idiot. I was unapologetically smitten with Tanya Goldstein. Not that I would ever admit it out loud. No way.

I sighed and tried to concentrate on driving. I wasn’t interested in accidentally wrecking the car because I was thinking about Tanya. But man, it was hard. The way she had pedal flirted with me last night had made excruciatingly hard for me to fall asleep, and yeah, I had definitely dreamed of her. I had actually been in the middle of an exceptionally nice dream when Angie had sneezed and woken me up.   
And that was hella frustrating! Having the dream version of Tanya taken away could enraged me if it hadn’t been for the fact that I was going to see her tonight. My heart thrummed a little faster in my chest. Yesterday it had been pedal flirting. What games were we gonna play tonight? Tanya was definitely a game-player, and I found that to be highly entertaining, her quick-witted, fast talking ways. 

Sometimes I could barely keep up with her, but I didn’t mind that. However weird it sounded, I like the fact that she was challenging me. It had been a while since anyone had challenged me like she did. 

I maneuvered the car around another corner and felt a flutter of excitement in my stomach. I was almost at the hotel now. And definitely eager to see Tanya. Was she as eager to see me, or was she gonna act all unimpressed like she always did? Should be interesting to see. I chuckled to myself and shifted a bit behind the wheel. Now I could feel the phantom touch of her high heel on my leg again. Which was very distracting when I was driving. And it felt ridiculously real too. Once again, I silently cursed myself for being an idiot. It was ridiculous. I was ridiculous. 

The car driving behind me honked, and I nearly jumped out of my skin and then proceeded to curse the living daylights out of the driver. The hell was his problem? If he go round me, he could just do so. There was no reason to honk. “Jerk!” I yelled as he speeded past me. Seriously, some people shouldn’t be allowed to drive!

It didn’t occur to me that I was ten miles below the speed limit. 

Soon after I pulled up in front of the Ritz-Carlton hotel. I got out of the car and briskly walked towards the entrance where Fred was waiting for me. Looking as stern and professional as ever in his sleek, black suit. I was starting to think that he didn’t own any other clothes, and I definitely couldn’t picture him in casual attire. 

“Good evening, miss Swanson,” he said with ice cold politeness. 

“Hey,” I greeted and stifled my amusement. I didn’t know why, but Fred’s way of greeting me never ceased to amuse me. 

“I’ve been asked to take you to miss Goldstein. Please follow me,” he said curtly and spun around on his heels. 

Ouch, I thought to myself as I followed him inside the lobby, up the little staircase and then towards the elevator. ‘I’ve been asked to take you to miss Goldstein’. That sounded very much like he didn’t   
actually want to take me to Tanya. I was beginning to think that there was a teeny tiny chance that Fred didn’t like me. Or maybe he was just permanently stone-faced. That could be the case. He didn’t exactly strike me as the smiling type. Was he like this in private too? Did he even have a private life with wife and kids and everything? And did he smile at them? For some reason, I couldn’t imagine him joking around with his kids. If he had any, that was.

“Miss Swanson?”

“Yeah. I’m coming,” I said, quickly stalking behind him when I realized that he was several steps ahead of me. 

“Please keep up,” Fred said tightly. 

Alright, jeez! Why was this guy such a downer? He seriously gave me Kevin Costner vibes. 

We headed inside the elevator, and Fred pushed a button. The door immediately slurped closed behind us, and I felt that slight tugging sensation behind my navel as the elevator took us down and not up. Huh. Tanya’s room was upstairs. Not downstairs. 

“So, where’s Tanya at tonight?” I asked casually. 

“Miss Goldstein is downstairs,” Fred said tightly and without looking up from his phone. 

Okay then. And exactly what did that mean? Downstairs where exactly? I felt tempted to ask Fred, but to be perfectly honest, he didn’t seem very interested in striking up conversation with me. That was fine. I could find her on my own. Turn it into a ‘where’s Wally?”-game. I almost chuckled as I imagined myself running around in the hotel and trying to find Tanya. I shifted a bit and almost cursed out loud when Fred’s cellphone ranged, and he answered it with ice cold professionalism and began scolding some poor soul in the other end. I doubted the person in the phone was responsible for the non-functioning surveillance camera in the elevator. Which clearly was what Fred was complaining about. He demanded that the staff got the surveillance cameras in the elevator up and running pronto. He kept yapping on about how “if miss Goldstein’s security remained compromised, she couldn’t stay at this hotel”. 

I zoned out a bit and then the elevator came to a stop. The doors slurped open and I stepped outside along with Fred who had stopped barking on the phone. But he still looked every bit stern as he said: “miss Goldstein is in the pool area. Down the hall and to your right.” 

“Right. Thank you,” I said as I turned my back on him. By the swimming pool, huh? Right then. I left Fred to yell at the poor person on the phone and stalked down the hallway. It was pretty quiet down here. Bit too quiet for a swimming pool, really. It took me a second to realize that the hotel was basically shut down because of the production. My shoes echoed slightly as I walked down the hallway, and for a moment that was the only thing breaking the silence down here. Until I heard quick footsteps behind me and then Fred calling out: “just a moment, miss Swanson!” 

I stopped abruptly and turned around. “Yeah?”

He quickly caught up with me and extended his hand out. “Phone, please.” 

I grimaced. “Seriously?” 

“Protocol miss Swanson. Phone, please.”

I tried not to sigh as I wiggled a hand inside my bag and found my phone. It was equally hard for me not to roll my eyes as I gave the phone to Fred with the words: “Here you go.” 

“Thank you,” he said formally and slipped the phone into his pocket as though it was his own. 

I was almost cheeky enough to ask if he wanted to see my press card too, but I didn’t quite have the guts. He informed me that I would get my phone back when I left, and then he disappeared back into the elevator. The doors slurped closed behind him, and then he was gone. 

“Right then,” I muttered and shook my head slightly. Jeez, that guy was one brooding Kevin Costner-the-bodyguard-dude. I had never seen someone take his job as serious as he did. But then again that was probably a good thing. Protecting Tanya Goldstein was an important task. 

But still, I didn’t like being separated from my phone. It was like missing a limb or something, and that actually worried me a bit. Maybe I should actually try and be without my phone more often. This addiction couldn’t be good for me. I would have to try and “wean” myself off my phone. I chuckled because I already knew that I would fail miserably.

I continued my trot down the hallway and turned right like Fred had instructed me. I was officially on the hunt for Tanya. Again. I seemed to “hunt” her a lot these days. 

I opened the door and stepped inside the pool area. Ha! What a pool area this was! It was undoubtedly the largest pool I had ever seen, and everything was luxurious and white. White deckchairs. White tiles on the floor. White walls. And several white chandeliers were dangling from the ceiling. But the pool....Seriously, the pool. It was enormous. Big enough for fifty people at least. And yet there was only one person in the pool. Tanya. I didn’t know why, but for some reason I had expected her to lounge in one of the deckchairs with a colorful drink in hand, but nope, she was in the pool. Swimming lengths like she never had done anything else all her life. My shoes echoed as I approached, and as I got closer, I immediately felt a rush of unbridled desire. Tanya was wearing a red bikini, and I swear to god that thing was so little it was barely there. And it appeared to only be held together by a couple of strings. Her platinum blonde hair was fanning out behind her as she swam, and my mouth was getting drier by the second. Why couldn’t she just have been waiting for me in her room? Why did she have to be in the swimming pool? And why did she have to wear that....tiny....thing. 

I huffed and my heels clicked against the tiles again. The sound echoed in the enormous room, and Tanya looked around at the sound. She spotted me and a grin blossomed on her face as she swam over to the edge of the pool. “Hello there.” 

“Hey,” I said and fought to stay cocky and definitely not affected by seeing her like this as I continued: “I found out I didn’t have any plans, so I figured I might as well stop by.”

“How nice of you,” she said sardonically and rolled her eyes. 

The teasing on my part was just a way to distract myself from how fucking good she looked with wet hair and that....bikini thingy. Calling it a bikini didn’t even feel right. Just when I thought I had figured her out, she found new ways to mess with me. Of course she did. The way I could see almost every inch of her body, and the way almost every inch of her body was wet was very, very distracting!

“And I can see that the actress is extremely busy right now,” I teased with a snicker. 

“This is actually a part of my training routine,” she claimed, and pushed a strand of wet hair away from her face and blinked innocently up at me. The only makeup she was wearing tonight was waterproof mascara, but obviously, she rocked that look too. “Yoga in the morning and swimming in the evening. And usually ten miles on the treadmill when I have the time.” 

“Damn,” I said. “That’s a pretty strict program.”

“I’m an actress,” Tanya said simply and laughed heartedly. 

“That explains everything,” I snorted and felt tempted to run into the nearest bathroom and take an ice cold shower when I saw Tanya push her wet hair away from her face again. God, she looked good with wet hair. And that....that bikini. For some reason I couldn’t stop focusing on the way the water that trickled into the column of her throat. 

“You look good,” she said silkily. 

“So do you,” I said and tried not to clear my throat. “Are you gonna get out of the pool, or...?” 

“Can’t. I still have twenty lengths left,” she snickered. 

“And you’re not getting out of the pool until you’ve done them?” I raised an eyebrow. 

“Of course not. Do you want me to get in trouble with my trainer?” she drawled. 

“So what, I’m just supposed to stay here and watch you swim?”

“Yes,” she chuckled. “Aren’t you lucky?”

She wasn’t wrong about that. I definitely felt like a lucky bastard, getting to see Tanya Goldstein in a barely-there-bikini. But I was concerned about the outcome. I was concerned about any kind of conversation Tanya and I might have while she was swimming. To be more specific, I was worried about my answers. Because there was a very good chance my brain would turn into mush if I focused too much on that stupid bikini. And I was extremely worried about the state of my underwear. I could already feel the effect of looking at her. Incredible. I hadn’t even touched her yet. 

She grinned up at me. She fully knew what kind of effect she had on me. “Is that the shirt you spilled coffee on?” she asked sweetly.

“Maybe,” I said and swiftly changed subject: “are you aware that all your fans thinks you’re pregnant because of that oyster picture?”

She chuckled. “It’s funny, isn’t it?”

“Talk about jumping the conclusion,” I muttered. 

She chuckled again. “I’ll remember to post a picture of a large glass of wine tomorrow. Just to make sure I’m effectively kill those rumors.”

“That might be a good idea.” 

She came closer and rested her arms on the edge of the swimming pool. “Have you missed me?” 

“Well, someone’s got an overinflated opinion of herself,” I teased.

“Says the woman who came back,” Tanya said silkily. 

“I had nothing better to do.”

“Sure you didn’t,” she drawled, and there was that laughter again. That kind of laughter that told me she was laughing at me again. That should have been highly irritating, but I had reached a state where I found it to be far more sexy than annoying, really. And of course that made me an idiot. 

“You’re sure you don’t wanna get out of the pool?” I asked. “This place is a bit awkward for a conversation. And I can hear my voice echoing all the time. It’s unnerving.”

“I thought reporters loved the sound of their own voice,” Tanya said sweetly. 

“Low blow,” I informed her and narrowed my eyes. 

She took that extremely lightly and chuckled again as she said: “alright, fine. I’ll get out of the pool. But could you at least give me a hand? I swear, every part of me is sore from swimming!”

Honestly, hearing about which parts of Tanya that was sore did nothing to lessen my distraction. “Alright, fine,” I said and outstretched a hand towards her. 

“My hero,” she joked as she stretched out her own hand and grasped mine. Her hand was slippery, so it took a few attempts before I got a firm hold on her hand. I tugged, and she did her best to pull herself up from the swimming pool, but like so many other things in my life, that didn’t go very well. Tanya’s hand was slippery. The floor was slippery. Tanya’s grip on my hand was seemingly stronger that my grip on her hand was. I slipped and only managed a shrieky: “fuck!” before I fell headfirst into the pool with an almighty splash!

I huffed and puffed and spluttered as I kicked my way back to the surface. I spat out the water I had accidentally gotten a mouthful of on my way down and then cursed: “God damnit!” 

Tanya bursted out laughing. Completely unbridled. Her laughter echoed in the quiet pool room, and I was sure I could see tears of laughter spilling down her cheeks. 

“Yes, very funny. Laugh it up, Tanya. Sidesplitting. I’m just glad your dear bodyguard took my phone from me,” I said tightly.

“How nice of you to join me,” she hiccupped. 

“You did it on purpose!” I hissed. 

“I did not,” she snickered and wiped her cheeks. 

“Yes you did! You pushed against the edge with your feet!” I actually hadn’t the faintest idea whether she had actually done that, but I was wet and miserable, god damnit! 

“I did not,” Tanya said amused and looked me up and down. “I like this look on you. You look quite fetching.” 

I quickly glanced down at myself. My oh so neat white shirt was soaked, and the black bra I was wearing underneath was clearly visible now. “Thanks, I try my best,” I said dryly and pushed my now wet hair away from my face. I had spend so long on doing my hair tonight! God damnit!

Tanya laughed again as her arms looped around my waist. “You really know how to make an entrance.” 

“Glad you appreciate my effort,” I dryly joked. 

She clearly appreciated it very much. She yanked me closer, and then she kissed me. Her fingers slid into my wet hair and she did nothing to keep the kiss light. Her mouth was hard and insisting as was the tip of her tongue that tapped against my mouth, silently urging me to part my lips. I did just that. Why bother hiding how much I had wanted this since I stepped in here? Why bother hiding that this was pretty much all I had been thinking about since yesterday? I buried my own fingers in her wet tresses and tugged just a little bit. That elicited a slight moan from her, and I was pretty sure that kind of sound should be illegal. As should the way her body was pressed against mine. I could feel the heat from her skin radiating through my shirt, and I became unsure of whether I wanted to rip my own clothes off or rip her bikini off. Or maybe both. Yes. Both was good. Both was always good.

Tanya’s fingers combed through my hair once more and I could think of a million things I wanted to do to her right then and there. But then I was distracted from the way her hands slid down and clutched at my hips. I was ninety nine percent sure I could feel her nails dig into my flesh, and that only spurred me on further. I locked my arms around her slender waist. There was literally no getting away from me now. She was stuck. But she didn’t seem one bit unhappy with being so. I heard her chuckle slightly into the kiss and then her tongue was plundering my mouth again. Tanya didn’t do anything halfheartedly. She laughed wholeheartedly, she acted wholeheartedly, and she most definitely kissed wholeheartedly. Like I had never experienced it before. It was like a dance. Practiced and polished, yet still raw and passionate. It was the perfect balance, and I was shockingly close to stop caring that this was a swimming pool. I wanted Tanya. Like I had never wanted anyone else. It didn’t make sense that she knew exactly how to kiss me. It was beyond me how she could know which buttons to push. Her hands were roaming all over me. She was practically groping me. And I didn’t care. I didn’t care that both of us were acting like horny seventeen year olds who had no inhibitions. It didn’t matter. Neither did my wet clothes. The moment I started caring about it, was the moment I tore it off and gave   
Tanya full access to my body. Granted her permission to touch me wherever she wanted to touch me. I didn’t fucking care. I wanted her to keep kissing me. I wanted to keep feel the effect of her hands on my body. Everywhere. We were alone in this swimming pool. Anything could happen.

But it didn’t. Kissing in a swimming pool might look good on screen, but in real life it was a bit more difficult. Twice, Tanya and I almost ended up underwater, and since neither of us were interested in drowning, we broke the kiss and Tanya chuckled. “Wanna get out of here?” 

“I think that would be good,” I said a bit meekly and suddenly noted how breathless I actually was. 

She chuckled as she elegantly swam over to the ladder and grabbed onto the railing, and as she climbed up, I spotted something on her right hip. A tattoo of something I only caught the faintest glimpse of as she turned around. Interesting. I didn’t know Tanya had a tattoo. There had been underwear scenes in Love Me Not, but I had never seen a tattoo on her hip until now. 

I swam after her and followed suit. She chuckled as she extended her hand out towards me. I took it and felt very tempted to pull her back into the water, but I decided against it and let her help me out of the water. There was something I was more interested in. “What’s your tattoo of?” I asked curiously. 

“Noticed that, didn’t you?” she smirked a bit as she lowered her bikini bottoms slightly and showed of the tattoo for me. It was two words. “Not today”. Simply that. 

“Not today what?” I curiously asked. That could literally mean anything. 

“Wouldn’t you like to know,” she teased as she tugged her bikini bottoms back where they belonged. She smoothened a hand over her hip and grinned a bit at me. 

“Curiouser and curiouser,” I dryly joked. I actually really wanted to know what “not today” meant, but I accepted that she didn’t want to tell me. Either way, I was delighted at this new discovery. Tanya had a tattoo on her hip. That was pretty sexy. She walked over to one of the deckchairs and grabbed a bathrobe. “Afraid I only brought one of these. Should I send for Laura so she can bring you a bathrobe?” 

“God no,” I said and grimaced. “I don’t think I can bear the embarrassment. No. I’ll just.... drip all over the expensive carpet.”

Tanya chuckled. “You can borrow some of my clothes.”

“Again,” I observed with a headshake. 

“You never did give me my shirt back, did you?” she drawled as she shrugged the bathrobe on and quenched water out of her hair. 

“Nah. It’s safe and sound in my closet,” I grinned. 

“Are you ever planning on giving it back?” she asked dryly. 

“Maybe. If you’re really lucky.”

“I always get lucky, miss Swanson. Every single time,” she said silkily, and spun around on her heels. 

I followed her through the enormous pool area, and once again my footsteps echoed. I grimaced with each step. My jeans were clinging to me in a not very comfortable manner. I was still ninety nine percent sure that Tanya actually did tug me into the pool on purpose. 

We made it to the elevator, and I was relieved to step into a place where there floor wasn’t covered by a thick carpet. I had definitely left wet footprints all over the place. Tanya pressed pushed the button that would take us up to the floor she lived at and the doors slurped closed and shielded us from the rest of the world. Eleventh floor. A pretty long elevator ride. I stared a bit absentmindedly as the glowing red numbers changed from one to two and three. 

“Where are the cameras?” Tanya asked a bit suddenly. 

“Huh?” I looked around in the elevator and discovered that the security cameras indeed had been taken down. “Oh, I think there was some sort of malfunction,” I told Tanya. “At least that was what your sweet, sweet bodyguard told someone over the phone. I’m pretty sure someone lost their job over it.” 

“Oh,” Tanya frowned. “That poor soul.” 

“But he’s got a point though,” I said. “Your security shouldn’t be compromised like that.” 

She smiled widely and bared all her pearly white perfect teeth at that. “My security is pretty compromised right now, isn’t it?”

“How so?” I asked. She was clearly up to something, and I more than wanted to play along. 

“Well.... we’re in an elevator with no security cameras,” she drawled as she slinked closer to me. “I’d say anything could happen.... wouldn’t you?” 

“I suppose so,” I nodded. My throat felt dry again all the sudden. 

“I mean... you hear of so many things that happened in an elevator,” she continued as she glided a finger over the control panel and the many buttons. “Malfunctions, etcetera.,” she flashed me a positively devilish little smile. “Or maybe even....sudden stops for no reason.” She slammed her finger down on the red panic button. The elevator came to a stop somewhere between the ninth and tenth floor. 

“The hell are you up to?” I asked and stared at her. 

“So far we haven’t had a lot of privacy,” Tanya said silkily, and her hands rested on my hips as she pushed me backwards until I ended up against the wall. “I’m trying to create that.” 

“By abusing the alarm button?” 

“There’s plenty of oxygen here, Mara. You’re quite safe,” she drawled and gave my hips a little squeeze. 

I huffed. “I know that.”

“Think about it,” she breathed into my ear. “No cameras. No one’s looking. No interruptions.”

“Until they find us, you mean.” 

“Which probably will be a little while.”

“In a luxury hotel? I seriously doubt-“

“Oh, do shut up, Mara,” she growlingly interrupted. “You’re overthinking.” 

She was right. I was. And I decided to stop right then and there. I gripped her around the back of her neck and yanked her closer. Our mouths collided again, and I could feel her stumble slightly. She   
clearly hadn’t expected me to yank at her. But I was glad I did. It spurred her on. Once again, the warmth from her hands seemed through my wet shirt and my knees buckled when her hands cupped my breasts and squeezed a little bit. She definitely knew what she was doing. Her teeth scraped against my lower lip and then she was tugging slightly. If she kept this up, I would end up with swollen lips tomorrow. But maybe I didn’t mind that at all. I grabbed onto the collar of her bathrobe and gave it a yank. Just to show her she didn’t have all the power here. Two could play that game. She chuckled delighted into the kiss before deepening it. I released the grip on her collar and suddenly felt a bit unsure where to touch her first. There were so many opportunities. So many places I could fixate my attention. I ended up yanking her bathrobe open and gliding my hands over that perfect body of hers. Fuck, she was so soft. Every part of her was soft and wonderful and smooth, and what the hell kind of deal did she make with Satan in order to get such a perfect body? 

She tugged at my bottom lip again and her hands wiggled underneath my shirt. She quite literally had her hands down my top. Was it tacky? Yep, definitely. Did it work on me? Hell yeah. The moment her hands cupped my breasts through my bra, I felt my knees buckle again and I slid my fingers up to bury them in her wet hair. I tugged. Exactly like she had tugged on my lip. We were definitely two who could play this game, and hairpulling was definitely a turn on for Tanya Goldstein. She moaned unashamedly into my mouth, and the sound send surges of desire to my crotch. I was soaked from head to toe and in every way possible too. I was burning in a way that left me surprised that my clothes wasn’t melting on the spot. I moved my hands down Tanya’s body again and found those darned little strings on her bikini. I wanted to take off that silly little bikini. She didn’t need it anyway. It basically covered nothing, so what was the point with it anyway? My hand found her breast and I gave it a teasing squeeze. That prompted her to growl and then shove a leg in between mine. I gasped into her mouth when I felt a muscular thigh rub against my crotch. She literally wasn’t playing fair right now.   
She was pushing all my buttons in a way that left me completely breathless. My mind was rapidly fogging up when I felt her thigh grind against me. It didn’t take long before my hips started moving and I began moving against her thigh. If she didn’t want to play fair, then so be it. I was all for it. Right now, I literally didn’t care about what she was going to do next. As long as she didn’t move her thigh, that was. Sex in an elevator wasn’t exactly something I had practiced before, but there was a first time for everything, right? By all means, let her take my elevator-virginity. I don’t give a damn!

Tanya released my mouth with a slight pop and I immediately wheezed upon realizing how breathless I was. She must have been too, but that didn’t stop her from kissing my neck. Her teeth was scraping against my skin, and I wouldn’t be surprised if she ended up marking me. I didn’t care about that either right now. But I did care about the fact that her thigh had stopped moving. That wasn’t supposed to happen, and I was on the verge of complaining when I felt her fingers slide down. They stopped at the top of my jeans, and then I felt her fiddle with the button. She teasingly tapped it once, twice, and then she popped the button open. The zipper followed suit, and then she had her hands down my jeans. Was that tacky too? Yes indeed. Did I care about it? Hell no. I cursed under my breath as her hand wiggled inside my underwear, and in retaliation I reached for her. Grabbed the back of her neck and slotted our lips together in another kiss. She willingly let me do that, oh yes, but she quickly regained the upper hand when she effortlessly found one of my most sensitive spots with the tip of her index finger. I hissed into her mouth and locked my fingers in her wet hair. Oh god, this was actually happening! We were doing this. In an elevator. It was messy. I was messy. She was messy. Both of us were soaked to the skin. We literally couldn’t have picked a worse time and place. But somehow it was just right. 

I felt Tanya’s finger near my entrance and I automatically widened my stance as much as I could when the jeans were still sitting snug around my waist. What I really needed was to get out of these jeans.   
And then possibly lie down on the elevator floor with Tanya on top of me. That seemed like a very good idea right now. 

“Oh my god!” I hissed as she wiggled a finger inside me. 

“Tanya will do,” she teased. 

“Shut up!” I growled. “Shut up and....move!” 

“Like...this?” she asked innocently and wiggled her finger just a smidge. 

I cursed under my breath. 

“Or....maybe like this?” she suggested as she wiggled her fingers and touched me a bit deeper. My jaw instantly dropped when I felt the tip of her finger rub against that sensitive spot inside me. Yes, this was exactly how I wanted her to touch me, and she was not allowed to stop! I moved my hand down and grabbed her wrist tightly. Ha. Now she couldn’t move her hand.

“Tsk, tsk, so aggressive, Mara!” she tutted as she crooked her finger and wiggled it again. “There’s absolutely no reason for that.” 

I gave her wrist a little squeeze. I couldn’t talk right now. I would have to settle for this silent reminder. 

But Tanya didn’t need one. She kept rubbing and stroking within me, and my fingers trembled around her wrist. My muscles were turning to spaghetti, and my common sense had been gone for a while now. I was consumed by Tanya and what she was currently doing to me. 

“Mara, Mara, Mara,” she drawled into my ear. “What am I going to do with you?”

“You’re already doing it,” I croaked. I had suddenly rediscovered my voice.

She chuckled. “So am I. And I don’t think you have any idea how long I’ve been wanting to!” 

“Y-yeah?” I murmured and rolled my hips, silently cursing myself for stuttering. 

“Ever since you spilled coffee on yourself,” she almost hissed into my ear. “I wanted nothing more than to burst into the room while you were changing!”

Oh, how she should have! I moaned and rolled my hips again. I was so riled up, so completely gone, I could already feel myself rapidly approach climax. Fucking hell, how was it even possible?

“Tanya!”

She hummed almost amusedly in response and then she was speeding up her actions. I squirmed and was very relieved there was a wall behind me, otherwise I definitely would have fallen over. 

“Are you going to come for me, Ma-ra?” she drawled. 

Yes. I was. I definitely was. But I couldn’t tell her that right now. At least not in words. I could only moan and clutch at her shoulders. It was her turn to hiss slightly when I dug my fingers into her soft flesh. 

“Then do it,” she singsong’ed as she rubbed her finger against my g-spot again. “Don’t keep me waiting. I’ve been envisioning how you look when you come for ages now. Don’t keep me guessing. That’s not nice.” 

“Fuck!” this woman was impossible. Like no one I had ever met before. One could have debated that she was a bit better at choosing her words because she was an actress, but right now I was too far gone to think about that. 

“Come for me, Mara. Right now.” not encouragement. Not a coaxing suggestion. But a simple command. And I followed it. By all the gods, I followed it! Everything in me pulled taut and I squeezed my eyes shut. But despite that, I could still see stars as my entire system was flooded with warmth. I garbled out a string of curses, and I was only vaguely aware that Tanya was laughing at me. Again. But her laughter sounded satisfied this time. My knees buckled and once again I was fearing that I would fall over. 

“That was even better than what I had imagined,” Tanya said in an almost conversional manner as she withdrew her finger from within me. 

I groaned at that and then felt her tug my wet jeans back up where they belonged. She carefully zipped them up and buttoned them with the words: “there we go.” 

“You’re completely i-insane,” I told her as I finally opened my eyes and looked at her. She looked a bit blurry, and I had to blink a couple of times. 

“Maybe I am,” she conceded with a chuckle. “But I don’t think you actually mind.” 

She was correct. No, I did not mind. It was pretty hard to mind the spectacular orgasm she just had given me. 

Tanya chuckled again as she tugged her bathrobe up and tied the belt again. A wave of disappointment me hit me. I should have taken more advantage of the fact that she was practically naked. 

But before I could get the chance to do that, the elevator began moving again and a loud male voice spoke through the intercom: “miss Goldstein? Miss Goldstein, are you alright?” 

“I am perfectly fine,” Tanya drawled. “The elevator had a malfunction and stopped.”

I heard someone curse through the intercom. Probably Fred. 

“I am so terribly sorry about that, miss Goldstein!” the male voice hectically continued. “I don’t know what happened!” 

“I suppose there must have been an error in your system,” Tanya said calmly, and I honest to god had no idea how she managed to keep a straight face. 

“Yes, it must have been, but I can assure you, it won’t happen again! I’m so terribly sorry, miss Goldstein!” 

“It’s fine,” Tanya said. “There’s no harm done, really. It was actually kind of nice.” 

I spluttered and had to cover my mouth. 

“Thank you for taking it so well,” the male voice said. “I promise you, you’ll be out of this elevator shortly!”

“That sounds good. I wouldn’t mind laying down for a while,” Tanya said and grinned at me. She lowered her voice as she asked: “you’re staying the night, aren’t you, Mara?” 

“Well, I’m not about to drive home in wet clothes,” I said hoarsely. 

“Excellent,” she said and flashed me a look of pure mischief. “I’m sure we can think of something to do.” 

“I cannot believe we just did that,” I muttered. 

“Shh,” she chuckled. “I’m sure they’re listening.” 

“Or maybe they’re not,” I shot back and scowled at her. 

“What makes you so sure?” she teased. “They could be.”

“You’re completely insane,” I repeated and meant every word of it

“Let’s try spontaneous instead,” she corrected. 

“Insane fits better,” I claimed.

Tanya didn’t deny that. Instead she just grinned at me and looked perfectly satisfied with herself.

I did my best to scowl at her, but honestly, she had every reason to be satisfied with herself.


	15. There was a night....

The elevator stopped, and Tanya and I stepped out. Fred was waiting for us, and he looked positively furious as he began apologizing on behalf of the staff. 

“It’s fine, Frederick,” Tanya said lazily. “Really, there’s no harm done. It was just five minutes or so.” she turned her head and smirked at me. “It’s not like a lot of things can happen in five minutes. Right, Mara?”

“Right,” I said sweetly and welcomed the rush of adrenaline that coursed through my body. I had a pretty good idea about what was going to happen once we got into her room. I was gonna pounce on her. I was gonna rip her fucking little bikini off and I was going to make her scream for mercy. 

Fred began talking again, but Tanya interrupted him. “It’s fine, Fred. There’s no harm done. Now, if you would excuse us, Mara needs some dry clothes.” 

He glanced at me. “Should I ask Beth to-“

“No,” Tanya interrupted. “We can handle that ourselves. Can’t we, Mara?”

“Yeah. Unlike you, I don’t need an assistant’s help to undress,” I snarked. 

Fred scowled at me, but Tanya seemed rather delighted at my response. “Oh no, I trust you’re capable of undressing yourself. Shall we, miss Swanson?” 

“Yes.” Oh yes. We absolutely shall!

We walked down the hallway. Tanya more strutted than walked, really. It reminded me of a panther or a leopard stalking it’s prey before attacking. I huffed. I was no prey. She had her fun. It was my turn now. My turn to finally do what I had imagined doing ever since she laughed at me for spilling coffee all over myself. That’s what had ignited that spark. Her laughter. Her fucking annoying, beautiful, unbridled and crazily inappropriate laugher. 

“You’re falling behind, miss Swanson,” she drawled as she nonchalantly leaned against the wall by the door to her room. “Second thoughts, perhaps?” 

“Nope,” I said plainly. “Unlock the door. My clothes are wet, and I want to get out of them.” 

“I’m sure you do,” she cackled. “I’m absolutely certain that you do.” She lazily reached within the pocket of her dressing gown and found a keycard. She inserted it in the lock, and I heard a faint click. 

“Ladies first. After you,” she joked. 

I scoffed as I without much further ado marched into her hotel room. The door slammed shut behind her, and I immediately lunged at her. I more or less shoved her up against the wall, and within   
seconds, my lips were fused together with hers. I could feel her laughing into the kiss. Even now, she was amused, and I growled frustrated. I wanted to wipe that grin off her face. I wanted to bring Tanya Goldstein to her knees. Both literally and figurately speaking. 

I slid my hands down and yanked her dressing gown apart. She wasn’t expecting that, and I silently triumphed when I heard her moan slightly. I touched her. Everywhere. Raked my blunt fingernails up and down the flat planes of her stomach and felt how her muscles contracted and reacted to the touch. She wasn’t as unaffected as she tried to be. She wanted this as much as I did, and I heard her moan again as I cupped her breasts and strummed my fingers over her nipples through the damp fabric of her bikini. God, that thing was literally so much in the way! I growled frustrated again as I pulled and yanked at the many strings. Tanya laughed again, but my hard work paid off. Her breasts sprang free, and her bikini top landed on the carpet with a soft thud. I broke the kiss to look at her. She was beautiful as she stood there, backed up against the wall with the bathrobe still draped loosely over her shoulders and her breasts exposed to me. Those.... Those were a very nice c-cup!

I had to swallow something. The rosy peaks were standing to attention and clearly aching for my touches. So that was what I did. I touched her breasts. Gently, at first, but then as the adrenaline sat in again, I gave her breasts a half-hard squeeze. She inhaled sharply at that, but my touches didn’t prevent her from snarking: “what, are you trying to test whether they’re real or not, Swanson?”

I didn’t answer that. I just strummed my fingers over her nipples again. It wasn’t enough to use my hands to touch them. I wanted to kiss them. Lick them. 

“I can assure you, they’re quite real. Despite what all the magazines claims,” Tanya drawled. 

I didn’t want her to keep talking. I wanted her to yell. And I wanted her on the bed. Right now. I moved my hands away from her breasts and ignoring the whine she let out in protest, I grabbed her hand and almost yanked her away from the wall. 

“So forceful, Mara,” she teased. 

“Has anyone ever told you that you talk too much?” I retorted. 

She laughed. “Oh, don’t tell me you want your women quiet, Swanson.”

“I wasn’t aware that you were one of my women,” I shot back. Two could play this game. 

She was impressed. “Good one,” she praised as she shrugged off the bathrobe and flopped down on the bed. “Are you planning on getting over here, or should I take care of things myse-“

Before she could finish the sentence, I was on top of her. Wet clothes and all. I didn’t care. I only cared about shutting her up by kissing her. Once again, I fused our mouths together. Tanya willingly returned the kiss, but at the same time, I could feel her fiddle with the buttons in my shirt. One button was popped open. Then the next one. And the next one. Tanya Goldstein was excellent at multitasking. It didn’t take long before she had opened the line of buttons in my shirt and was breaking the kiss to growl: “for fucks sake, take off your clothes, Swanson!” 

“Awww,” I cooed. “I thought you were going to do it for me.”

“You said it yourself. You don’t need an assistant to take off your clothes,” she laughed. “So I suggest you get on with it.”

That was exactly what I did. I hastily yanked off my wet shirt and threw it on the neat, beige carpet. Then I reached back and unhooked my bra, and I took pleasure in seeing the way Tanya’s grey eyes widened slightly. 

“Seeing something you like, Goldstein?” I teased, ignoring the fact that my breasts were so significantly smaller than hers. I refused to let that old insecurity get the best of me. Not here. Not now.

“Maybe I do....” she murmured as she lifted her hands to my breasts and lightly cupped them. 

I threw my head back and moaned. Fuck, that felt so good!

“I’d like to see the rest, please,” she said sweetly, and I started laughing because it sounded more like I was a realtor giving her a tour of the house she was interested in. 

“Very well,” I chuckled as I scrambled off of her and tugged the zipped in my jeans down. It took a few attempts and a bit of wiggling, but finally I managed to slide the wet jeans down my legs. Being rid of that constricting barrier felt good, but it would feel even better to be rid of the very last barrier. The one that was sticking to me for reasons that had nothing to do with my surprise dive into the pool earlier. 

“Take those off,” Tanya commanded as she lazily gestured to my panties. 

Instead of sassing her for ordering me about, I simply did as she requested and hooked my fingers in the waistband of my panties. I pushed them down my legs and looked up just in time to see her sit up on the bed. She was admiring me. 

“Well, well,” she said. “You never disappoint, do you, miss Swanson?”

“Seeing something you like, Goldstein?” I repeated, but I didn’t feel quite as sassy. The sincerity in her voice surprised me and send shivers down my spine. 

“Yes,” Tanya said simply and outstretched a hand towards me. “Now come back here.”

She didn’t have to tell me twice. I immediately took the offer and her hand and let her guide me back into the bed with her. Her eyes roamed over my body, and to my irritation, I blushed. Shit. “Are you not gonna take those off?” I asked and nodded towards her bikini bottoms. 

“No,” she chuckled. “I’m an actress. I’m incapable of getting undressed without the help from an assistant. I’m afraid you’ll have to help me.”

I rolled my eyes and sighed deeply to give the impression that I found her to be annoying, but I was secretly pleased that she requested my help. There was nothing I’d rather do than help Tanya Goldstein out of her clothes. I hooked my fingers in the waistband of her bikini bottoms. They were damp, I noted with a slight smirk. They were damp, and that dampness had definitely nothing to do with the water in the swimming pool. She huffed and I pushed the bikini bottoms down her legs. She helpfully lifted her ass to make it easier for me. My mouth felt dry when hidden parts of her came into view. The bikini bottoms ended up curled around her left ankle, but Tanya made no attempt to get rid of them. Instead she nonchalantly parted her legs and flashed me a sly smile. “Seeing something you like, Swanson?” 

Yup. Absolutely. I saw long, tanned, legs, curvaceous hips, that damned little tattoo. And I saw a completely smooth and bare pussy. I swallowed something and managed a meek: “uh-huh.” 

“Good. Maria will be pleased to hear that,” Tanya drawled. 

Yeah, that pretty much got my attention. I quickly looked up at her face, and my eyes narrowed as I inquired: “who the hell is Maria?” 

“My beautician,” Tanya laughed. “I can assure you, this-“ she glanced down and smirked. “Doesn’t come cheap. Or painless.” 

“I’m sure it doesn’t, but I would really fucking appreciate if we could stop talking about your beautician right now,” I mocked. 

“Well, so far you’ve done nothing to distract me,” she pointed out. 

She was unbelievable. I was sitting between her legs, and she claimed not to be distracted. Yeah, right. I didn’t give much for her lies. Not when I literally could see the evidence of her distraction in the shape of glossy, clear liquid emerging from her core. 

“Sure you’re not distracted,” I drawled as I almost nonchalantly slid a finger between her silky soft folds. 

“Ooooh,” she cooed. “Do that again!”

She was commanding me, but I didn’t care. Because, honestly, my hand between Tanya’s legs? We both wanted that. I slid my finger through her folds again and enjoyed the way I could feel her body jerk.   
I repeated the gesture. It was obvious she enjoyed it, and I enjoyed getting familiar with her glorious body. Mapping her like this and discovering what she liked was something I had been fantasizing about for ages. 

But Tanya huffed. “Are you waiting for something in particular, Mara? An “on your marks, get set, go”-signal perhaps? A gun to be fired? The first snow to fall?” 

I growled in pure frustration as I pounced on her again and pretty much pinned her to the bed. “Don’t you ever shut up?!” 

“Give me a reason to,” she shot back and had the nerve to actually fucking grin at me. 

And so I did. When I touched her again, it was with purpose, and I got the satisfaction of hearing her swallow audible. But she still didn’t shut up. “That’s more like it,” she cooed, spreading her legs wider.   
“All you needed was a bit of encouragement.”

I kissed her. Because I wanted to, and because I wanted her to be quiet, damnit. I wanted to replace all the sass and snarky remarks with moans and my name on her lips. I easily slid two fingers inside her. She was soaked, and her muscles were almost gripping my fingers, more than welcoming the intrusion. She moaned very quietly into my mouth and then she was taking control over the kiss. She tugged almost harshly at my bottom lip, and I answered by hooking my fingers and wiggling them. Tanya pulled out of the kiss and threw her head back. No snark or sassy remarks, just a throaty groan spilling from her lips. I smirked and took the opportunity to kiss her exposed throat. I wiggled my fingers again, and I could feel how Tanya squeezed around them. I don’t think she was even doing it on purpose. I think she was doing it simply because she couldn’t help it. 

I crooked my fingers ever so slightly and easily found that little spot inside her. Tanya moaned and I was sure I saw her eyes roll back, and suddenly I had to bite back a grin. “So this is how you make Tanya Goldstein shut up. Good to know.”

“You shut up,” she hissed, proving that she hadn’t lost her voice completely. She rolled her hips and I answered by wiggling my fingers and brushing them against her g-spot again. She hissed and her hips began rocking against my fingers, her muscles clenching around them again. She might have been beneath me, but she was definitely running the show, so to speak. Her hips rolled again, and then she was hissing under her breath. Something that rather sounded like “fuck!” and yeah, that was pretty much the hottest thing I’d ever heard. I dipped down and kissed her again, and then she was grabbing my wrist, exactly like I had gripped hers earlier. She was silently urging me to do faster, and so I did. “Ran out of funny remarks, Goldstein?” I teased. 

She just huffed at me and wiggled underneath me. She clearly had run out of funny remarks, and I nearly chuckled. I had clearly found a way to keep her quiet. I kissed her neck, her chest. I suckled at her skin and nipped slightly. 

“If you leave a mark, I’ll sue you,” she said casually albeit a bit breathlessly.

“So sue me,” I murmured against her skin. 

“You’re dead,” she growled. 

I chuckled and nipped at her skin again, teased: “am I indeed?”

“I’ll end you myself,” she hissed, but in spite of the threat, she didn’t kill me. But I did feel blunt fingernails rake up and down my naked back. She had her own way at getting back at me. I felt her nails dig into my back. Her muscles squeezed around my fingers again. 

“You have an interesting way of murdering someone, Goldstein,” I murmured as I mouthed my way back to her lips and pecked them. 

She moaned and her hips rocked. Then I felt her hand between her legs, and I briefly looked down to see what that was about. She was rubbing her clit, and I scoffed as I pushed her hand out of the way. 

“Stop trying to take the wheel, Goldstein,” I chided.

“Then fucking do something with your hands!” she snapped.

I chuckled as I twisted my hand slightly, rubbed my fingers against her g-spot while making sure to press the heel of my hand snugly against her clit. I nibbled at her neck again, sucked at her pulse point, and yeah, I was definitely aiming to leave a mark on her creamy skin. I adjusted a bit on top of her, so our breasts were pressed together. It was my turn to moan as I felt her hard nipples against my own. 

She was soft, so soft. How was it possible to be so soft and perfect everywhere?

Tanya’s hips wiggled more than ever, and the moan she let out was practically pornographic, but I was sure she wasn’t acting right now. She wasn’t overstating anything, no this was the sound of true, genuine pleasure. Every moan spilling from her lips were real and not in any way forced. I kissed her cheek, the hinge of her jaw, and that was most definitely a sensitive spot for her. I could feel it in the way she wiggled underneath me, and then suddenly her legs came up and wrapped snugly around my waist. I froze for a split second. Fucking hell, she was so hot! Hot enough to burn yourself on. I had a feeling getting too close could leave me burned. In every way possible. But funnily enough, I didn’t give a damn right now. I didn’t care about the consequences of this. I thrusted my fingers harder inside of her, used my free hand to push her blonde hair away from her bare shoulder. Once it was exposed to me, I lightly bit it. Simply because I could. 

She moaned sharply, and the way her muscles clenched and gripped my fingers felt just a little bit different from the last time. I knew what that meant. I knew what was about to happen, and I lifted my head to look at her face. I didn’t want to miss this sight. Couldn’t miss the sight of her coming. I pushed her golden hair away from her face so I could see her more clearly. Her skin was damp, and her chest and neck and cheeks flushed. She was beautiful. 

Tanya cried out sharply, and her heels digged into my ass. Her lips parted as she threw her head back. Her grey eyes squeezed shut, and her hips snapped up to meet my fingers once last time, and holy shit, watching Tanya Goldstein climax was not one of the hottest thing I’ve ever seen. It was the hottest thing. No question about it. Her body trembled and trembled, her core gripping my fingers tightly for a moment. She cursed. Was my name a part of those curses? I was ninety nine percent sure I had heard a faint “Mara” amongst all the “shit” and “fuck”, but I quickly decided not to investigate it now. 

Tanya relaxed finally. Her body slumped back against the mattress, and her legs grew limp around my waist. 

I smirked at her even though her eyes were closed, and she couldn’t see it. I had done this to her. I had effectively brought her to this state, and yeah, I was hella proud of myself. I eased my fingers out of her and kissed her neck again. When she didn’t react to that, I gave her a slight nudge and teased: “You dead, Goldstein?” 

She scoffed. “Hardly. Get off me.” 

“Have anyone ever told you that you’re a bit bossy?” I said with feigned curiosity as I elegantly rolled off of her. 

“No. Never,” Tanya said as she sat up and gave me a shove that send me onto my back. 

“Ooof!” I protested slightly at the unexpected shove. 

“Got a problem, Mara?” Tanya asked silkily as she without any further ado climbed on top of me. 

“Uhh, nope.” Seriously, I was pretty sure having Tanya on top of me had just magically solved every problem I might have had. The view was definitely stunning. I lifted a hand and cupped her breast. But   
Tanya was quick to bat it away. “You’ve had your fun. Now it’s my turn.”

“Are you telling me you’re not having fun?” I snarked. 

“Oh, do shut up, Mara,” she huffed. 

“Make m-“ that was pretty much all I got to say before she claimed my lips in a kiss. Her fingers tangled into my short hair and tugged at it while wiggling on top of me. She was stimulating me. In a very frustrating way. I wanted more than half-assed grinding, but I also wanted to keep kissing her. Very frustrating indeed. I clutched at her sweaty back and my finger slipped slightly. Tanya kept wiggling on top of me, and I felt how I was getting wetter. I seriously needed more than this. I groaned slightly into her mouth and dug my fingers into her back as she slipped her tongue inside my mouth. She wanted to be in charge of the kiss, but so did I. Challenging her was fun, engaging in a little battle with her was fun. She tugged at my hair again, and I answered by raking my blunt fingernails up and down her sweaty back. Maybe I would even leave a mark or two behind. I wasn’t too concerned about that, though.

Tanya released my lips with a soft pop, and then she was mouthing her way down my chest. She sucked my nipple into her mouth, and I released a shout. I hadn’t expected her to go for it right then and there, but then again, I pretty much had pounced on her. This was just payback. The sweetest of paybacks! 

“Tanyaaa,” I hissed. Damn, I was one weak woman. It clearly took nothing to make me cry out for her. 

She answered by sucking harder on my nipple while kneading my other breast, and I realized that I should have spend longer on appreciating her breasts. And I definitely needed her to do other things than appreciating mine. I pushed slightly at her head, and Tanya released my nipple and looked at me. Her grey eyes had darkened, and they were full of mischief. “Got a problem, Mara?”

“You’re fucking tease!” I told her. 

“Really?” she asked with feigned innocence. “Well, in that case, let me make amends.” And with that, she kissed her way down my stomach and left a cluster of goosebumps in her wake. I moaned when I felt her mouth so very close to the place where I wanted her the most. Her soft fingers glided up and down my inner thighs, higher still. She earned herself a leg jerk at that. I felt her fingers between my legs, parting my folds, and then I was shouting again when she went right in with her mouth and began sucking my clit. My hands instantly flew to her hair, and I nestled my fingers in platinum blonde hair. I could feel how the wetness was trickling out of me, and I knew right away that this wouldn’t take long. Really, this was just part two of what she’d started in the elevator. I moaned and my back arched on its own accord. My fingers automatically pulled at her hair again. I looked down at her and tried to comprehend what was happening. I had to be some sort of dream.

Tanya between my legs. Tanya going down on me, and for some reason knowing exactly how to “handle” things. She knew what kind of sucks that reduced me to putty and almost made me come on the spot. And it was hella frustrating when she suddenly released my clit. I moaned, ready to complain, but I was instantly silenced when I felt her tongue running through my folds. Long, soft, flat strokes that had every nerve in me tingling. My toes curled and I yelled Tanya’s name again, my fingers gripping her hair tightly, yanking at it as though I was trying to pull it out. Tanya didn’t complain, though. I felt her hands gripping my thighs, spreading me wider, her fingers digging into the soft flesh. Then I felt her move one hand, there were fingers at my entrance. One digit slipped inside. Then another. She touched me deep and slow, exactly how I liked it, and I felt like an absolute mess when I breathed: “yes, just like that! Fuck, don’t stop!”

Tanya would probably have chuckled had she been in any position to. I could vividly imagine the way she would be smirking when she looked at me. I tugged at her hair again, and she answered by curling her fingers, immediately finding my g-spot and ramming into it with polished perfection. I yelped at the jolt of pleasure that zinged through my body, and my toes curled in delight. Tanya was fucking deadly in bed! Aggressive. And absolutely fucking delightful too. My stomach was full of liquid, hot desire, and it was driving me absolutely mad in the best way possible.

“Fucking hell!” I hissed, and I bit my lip until I suddenly could taste something metallic. Great. So I would end up with a fat lip tomorrow. But in hindsight, my lips were probably already in that state before   
I bit them. And I had left marks on her body too. I knew I had. We were pretty even.

Tanya was sucking my clit again, not showing any mercy this time either. I was pretty sure I was going to die. Or pass out. The orgasm that was forming in my crotch felt absolutely unreal. And much too soon. 

“God!” I yelled, and later on that would irritate me. Calling Tanya “god”? That was just me asking for he to be triumphant. And she still managed to react to it now as well. Her tongue swirled over my clit again, making tight circles with the tip, and her fingers were still keeping up that firm, perfect rhythm. My back arched again, and I clutched at Tanya’s hair as though it was some sort of lifeline. 

“Tanya!” I screwed my eyes tightly shut as I tried to hold back just a little. Seriously, I was embarrassingly close to coming! I could feel it in the way my belly clenched.

And Tanya knew that. She could definitely feel the way my muscles clenched around her fingers. She licked me faster now, her fingers moved perfectly in synch with her tongue. I huffed and I could feel how the muscles in my thighs and belly pulled taut as I strained to hold back. Her free hand nuzzled my left thigh in an almost soothing motion. She swirled her fingers inside me. I was doing all I could do hold back. She was doing all she could to push me over the edge. 

And in the end, I couldn’t hold back. Of course I couldn’t. I cried out sharply as I came undone and climaxed on her fingers for the second time tonight. My muscles spasmed around her fingers, trapping them there for a moment. I was pretty sure I was close to accidentally ripping hair out of her scalp, but I wasn’t aware enough to loosen my grip. All I could do was wait and pant as the pleasure washed over me as waves crashing against the shore. I managed to move one hand away from her hair and grab her shoulder instead. I squeezed it tightly and puffed out air. I wasn’t even aware that I had been holding my breath. 

Tanya’s mouth left my clit the same time as her fingers slowly was withdrawn from me. I cracked one eye open just in time to see her lift her head. Her lips were wet, and her grey eyes sparkled as she used the back of her hand to wipe her mouth. “Well, that certainly did live up to my expectations,” she announced almost casually. 

I snorted. “Glad it was satisfying for you, Tammie.”

“No complains from me,” she quipped as she came to lie beside me. “You are...absolutely delicious, Mara.”

“Why, thank you, miss Goldstein,” I joked as I rolled onto my side so I could face her. I reached out and brushed a hand over her hip. I was dangerously close to being mushy, one of my biggest “handicaps” after sex. Did Tanya do “mushy”? Did she like spooning in bed, or was she more a “stick to your side of the bed”-kind of girl? I had actually no problem with seeing her as that. She didn’t seem like the cuddling type. I brushed my hand over the tattoo on her hip. “Not today”. I was still wondering what that meant. I was actually on the verge on asking her and hoping that I would get a genuine answer when she said: “are you tired?”

I smirked a little. “Why do you ask, Goldstein?” 

In response, she wiggled a hand in between my legs again. 

“Oh,” I chuckled. She wanted more. That was delightful. 

“Have I exhausted you?” she asked with a very poor imitation of concern. 

“In your dreams, Goldstein,” I assured her. 

“Oh yes? You’re sure you can handle more?” now she mocking. 

“You’re an ass,” I said plainly and gave her hip a squeeze. 

“Tsk, tsk,” she said, thoroughly satisfied with my answer. Her grey eyes sparkled with amusement now. 

I tried to grab for her, either to get her on top of me, or underneath me, that remained unclear, but before I could do that, Tanya beat me to it and positioned herself on top of me. She smirked down at me as she began rolling her hips like she had done earlier. But this time, I helped things along by rolling my own hips. Our clits brushed against each other and Tanya threw her head back. “Fuck!”

In a flash of inspiration, I extended my arms out and grabbed her hips so she could grind more firmly against me. “Are you gonna come again, Tanya?” I teased her. 

“Keep that up, and I just m-might,” she shot back, and it could have been very impressive if she hadn’t been stuttering. Ha. I had made her stutter. 

“You are so hot!” I breathed as I kept rolling my hips. I could feel my stomach clench again, and I knew it was only a matter of time before I came undone again. 

“You are...not so bad yourself,” she groaned. 

“You close?”

She huffed. “What do you think?” how she was capable of teasing was beyond me, for the next second, she threw her head back and moaned in ecstasy. I followed her over the edge a second later, and she completely collapsed on top of me. I told her that she was squashing me, and she laughed. That’s when my vision started to blur. I remember Tanya grabbing the covers and pulling it over us. I remember her complaining that I was bony. Then nothing else. 

When I woke the next morning, the bed was empty. Tanya was gone. But I could hear her voice on the other side of the door. I clumsily stumbled out of bed and grabbed the bathrobe that was still lying on the floor from last night. I slipped my arms through the sleeves and tied it around my waist. Then I tiptoed over to the door. I was curious and wanted to know what was going on. 

Tanya was speed talking. That was what was going on. She was talking faster than I had ever heard before and I had a hard time keeping up with her conversation with her assistant, Beth. Tanya was seemingly in the middle of asking Beth to provide us with some breakfast. And then she began talking about her schedule for today, what time she was shooting, etc. 

“-and there’s that scene where I need to wear the blue dress, have you collected it from the drycleaner yet?” 

“No, not yet,” Beth answered. 

“Well, make sure that you do,” Tanya said. “It’s important that I wear that dress for that particular scene, otherwise the instructor will get pissy, and there’s also that thing regarding-“ she paused, asked: “what?” 

“Are you okay?” Beth asked softly. 

“Yes, of course. I’m fine. Why wouldn’t I be?” Tanya asked dismissively. 

“You just seem a bit beside yourself that’s all,” Beth said lightly. 

“I am not! I’m just concerned about my schedule, and the fact that you haven’t even bothered to pick up my dress yet, do you even have any idea how important that is? I could actually get fired if I wear the wrong-“

“Tanya, have you taken your medicine today?” Beth interrupted and now she sounded concerned. 

I frowned. Medicine? What medicine?

“What?” Tanya snapped. “What did you just say?!”

“I am just concerned about you,” Beth said quickly. “You seem a bit.... disorientated this morning.”

“I am not disorientated!” 

“Have you renewed your prescription?” Beth continued, voice still soft and concerned. “I could call the pharmacy right now-“

“No, I have not renewed my prescription,” Tanya hissed. “As you may know, I happen to live a very busy life at the moment! I don’t have the time.”

“I know you don’t. That’s why I offered to-“

“Then I suggest you do that if you find it so important,” Tanya interrupted, and I shivered because her voice was cold as ice now. 

“Okay, I’ll take care of it right awa-“

“And one more thing,” Tanya interrupted, and now her voice sounded downright threatening and dangerous: “if you ever decide to speak loudly about my medical history again, I’ll fire you faster than you can say “lithium”. Is that clear?” 

“Yes, miss Goldstein.” 

“Good. Now make sure we get breakfast.”

“Right away, miss Goldstein.” 

I heard footsteps walk away. Tanya sighed, and I immediately began wondering what the heck “lithium” was. But before I could go crazy about it, the door opened and Tanya stepped inside, wearing another bathrobe. 

“Oh, you’re up,” she said and flashed me a smile. “You hungry?” 

“Always,” I told her. 

“Good. Breakfast should be right here,” she said lightly as she closed the door behind her and walked over to the bed. She grabbed a hairbrush from the nightstand and began to sort out her messy curls, and I watched her in silence. There was clearly more to Tanya Goldstein than what I had first assumed....


	16. ....And a morning

Tanya had only just finished brushing out her long hair and had encouraged me to use the luxurious bathroom when there was a knock on the door. 

“Come in,” Tanya said. 

The door opened and a waiter stepped in followed by a young woman with chocolate brown hair. She was wearing a purple dress, and I quickly guessed that she was Beth. The waiter was pushing a table on wheel with everything the heart could desire- or the belly. Bacon. Eggs. A pot of coffee. A decanter with orange juice. A stack of golden, crispy pancakes. My mouth was watering, and my stomach growingly insistently. 

“A full breakfast, miss Goldstein,” the waiter said. 

“Thank you,” Tanya said as she lowered the hairbrush. 

“If you need anything else, don’t hesitate to-“

“Yes, I know,” Tanya interrupted. “That’ll be all. Thank you.” 

The waiter immediately made himself scarce, and after having straightened the white cloth covering the table, Beth too walked out of the room. 

To my surprise, Tanya immediately rose from her place in front of the vanity and disappeared out of the hotel room with the words: “give me a second.” The door closed behind her, and I tilted my head in curiosity as I heard her walk down the hallway. It didn’t take long before my curiosity won, and I was back behind the door to shamelessly listen in. 

“Beth! Wait a second,” I heard Tanya say, and then Beth’s voice answering: 

“Yes, miss Goldstein?” 

There was a moment of silence where I practically had my ear glued to the door. Then Tanya’s voice: “I am sorry about earlier.”

“It’s okay, miss Goldstein,” Beth said kindly. 

“It’s not,” Tanya insisted. “I was unnecessarily rude to you when you were just trying to help me, and I want to apologize for that.”

“Thank you,” Beth said warmly. “I appreciate that, Tanya. I’ve renewed your prescription and you should be able to pick it up this afternoon.”

“Good. Thank you. Do you know if I have any appointments today?” Tanya asked, and she actually sounded a bit disorientated.

“You have a meeting with Mr. Larson at three, and shooting starts at seven,” Beth told her. 

“You’re a life saver,” Tanya said. “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome, Tanya. Send me a text if you need me, okay? Otherwise I’ll see you later. Enjoy your breakfast.” 

Tanya chuckled slightly. “Thank you.” I heard the sound of high heels walking down the hallway, and then the sound of Tanya’s bare feet walking back towards the hotel room. 

I hastily moved away from the door and sat back down on the bed, pretending to be fixing my hair, but actually I was thinking about the conversation I’d just shamelessly eavesdropped on. That had been the genuine Tanya. I was sure of that. And the genuine Tanya clearly had something she battled with. Something that required something. Lithium. I had never heard of that before. And since I didn’t have my phone with me, I couldn’t even google it. Damn. I was so curious. And I wanted to know more. 

The door to the hotel room opened and Tanya stepped inside. She closed the door behind her, turned around and smiled at me as she adjusted her pink silk bathrobe slightly. “Sorry about that. Now... where were we?” 

“Breakfast, I think,” I said and returned her smile. 

“Oh yes, that’s right,” she said lightly as she sat down next to me on the bed. She looked at me and smirked. “You look surprisingly well rested, miss Swanson.”

“So do you, Goldstein,” I drawled. 

“Must be all the sleep we got last night,” she chuckled as she reached out and grabbed the pot of coffee. “Coffee?” 

“Always,” I assured. “I can’t survive without coffee in the morning.” 

“Me neither,” she said as she poured me a solid cup of coffee. Then herself.

“So, breakfast in bed, Goldstein,” I joked. “Are you actually a romantic?” 

Tanya scoffed. “Don’t get your hopes up, Swanson.”

I laughed as I took a sip of my coffee. “Yep, definitely better than my own.” 

“Really?” she said dryly and shook her head a little bit, sending her platinum blonde hair tumbling. I took another big sip of my coffee to distract myself from how good she looked. Without any makeup   
and just wearing a bathrobe. She still looked absolutely perfect, and that bothered me because I had the strongest feeling that I didn’t. I had a feeling that the makeup from last night was smeared, and my hair was sticking up. 

“So,” Tanya snatched a slice of bacon and crushed it between her teeth. “Would you be interested in doing this again?”

I laughed. “Yes, Goldstein. I’d be very interested in doing this again.”

“Good,” Tanya said plainly.

“Are you gonna give me a number I can actually call?” I teased. 

“No. I’ll call you. Makes it more interesting, don’t you think?” she chuckled. 

“Or much more annoying,” I deadpanned. “Like you.” 

“And yet here you are,” she said nonplussed and reached within the pocket of her dressing gown. She found her phone and immediately snapped a picture of the lavish breakfast we were currently enjoying. 

“Are you posting that picture on Instagram?” I asked. 

“Yes,” she replied. 

I snickered. “Careful. You’ll be adding to the pregnancy rumors.”

“It’s too early to drink. Unfortunately,” Tanya said and sounded like she was only partially joking. 

I chuckled and watched as she crushed a piece of bacon between her teeth. How did one manage to look so ridiculously beautiful in the morning? That was quite annoying too. As was the fact that I had a feeling that my time with her this morning was running out. 

“So? Do you have any plans today?” she asked in an almost conversational manner. 

“Err, I have a sick roommate, so I might have to take care of her,” I said and took a gulp of my coffee.

“You have a roommate?” Tanya asked. “What’s her name?”

“Angie. Well, actually it’s Angelica, but she would murder me on the spot if she ever heard me call her that.” 

“What’s she like?” Tanya continued. 

“She’s nice. Very funny and sarcastic. She’s my best friend.”

“What does she do for a living?” 

“She owns a yoga studio, and she’s the harshest yoga teacher you’d ever meet.”

“How long have you lived with her?” 

“Uhmm... I think it’s five years now. Yep, five years. Two years in another apartment, and three years in the one we currently live at.”

“And is that a nice place?” Tanya asked and crushed another piece of bacon between her teeth. 

“Yes,” I chuckled. “Apart from the horny people living upstairs and robbing me of my sleep every Wednesday, it’s a nice place.”

“West Hollywood, right?” 

“Yup,” I confirmed and chuckled. “If I didn’t know any better, I would say that you’re trying to get to know me, Tanya.”

She scoffed. “I already know you, Mara. Fred’s been giving you the full background check.” 

“Are you serious?!” I hissed. Not because I had some deep dark secret, I didn’t want anyone to know about, but still, a full background check? That was pretty extreme. 

Tanya shrugged. “It’s not something I have control over. He’s just doing his job.”

“Right then,” I said tightly. “But if he’s already been giving me a fucking background check and you basically know everything, what’s the point in asking me things?” 

She scoffed again. “There’s a difference between hearing your bodyguard reading up from a document, and hearing you telling me things about yourself.”

“So you do want to get to know me,” I accused. 

“Oh, please,” she barked out a raspy and terribly sexy laugh. “Don’t flatter yourself, Swanson.” 

Ignoring that jab, I asked: “so? What are you gonna do later?” obviously, I already knew what plans she had later, but I had been eavesdropping and wasn’t supposed to know. 

“We start filming at seven today,” Tanya replied. “And I have a meeting with Mr. Larson at three.”

“Who’s Mr. Larson?” I asked curiously. 

“Mr. Larson from Gucci,” Tanya said nonchalantly. 

“Ooohh, are you going to be their new face?” 

She flashed me a look. “No comment.”

“Aww, come on, you know I’m not wearing a microphone. You stripped me down last night,” I reminded her with a grin. 

“So I did,” she purred and licked her lips. “And it was very nice.”

I scoffed into my coffee. It had been a little more than just “nice” in my humble opinion.

She glanced at my clothes lying on the floor from last night. “I’ll find some clothes you can wear. You can’t wear that,” she nodded towards the clothes on the floor again. “What wouldn’t my staff think?” 

“That we’ve had sex?” I dryly suggested.

“Precisely,” Tanya said and looked a bit amused. “We can’t have that.” 

“Right,” I scoffed and dug into my food once more. I understood that she had to protect her privacy.

“So, you’re from Montana?” I asked. Now I was conversing. 

“Indeed,” she said. 

“Your family still lives there?”

“Oh yes.”

“Do you see them often?” 

“No,” Tanya said, and her face darkened a bit. “My family and I have a complicated relationship at best.”

“Oh,” I said. “I’m....sorry to hear that.” 

She shrugged. “It is what it is. I see them once or twice a year. That’s enough for me.”

I hummed something empathic yet incoherent. Truth was I could relate to that. Well, in a way. It wasn’t that my parents and I had a bad relationship or anything. I was just like... really bad at checking in with them. My life was here in Los Angeles, and their life was in Colorado. I hadn’t even told them that Lily and I had broken up. Mostly because I had felt too raw and vulnerable to talk about it, but also because my mom had loved Lily. Like, really loved her. My mother had almost had a better relationship with Lily than with me.

“And you’re from Colorado,” Tanya interrupted my musings. It wasn’t a question. 

“Mhmm.”

“And your parents own a ski resort.”

“They do,” I confirmed. “Swanson’s Ski Resort. It’s actually pretty popular.”

“I know,” she chuckled.

“Right.” of course she did. Full background check. 

Tanya downed the rest of her coffee and announced: “I’m gonna take a shower. Try and eat as much as you can of the breakfast. Otherwise Beth get sad.”

“And we can’t have that,” I lightly joked. 

“No, it would be a shame,” Tanya snickered and played along on the joke. She stood from the bed and loosened the belt in her bathrobe. The silky robe became looser and looser and then slipped off her body, leaving her as naked as she had been last night.

“You just had to take off your robe in here, didn’t you,” I said sardonically.

“Why yes, of course. I figured it would be nice for you,” she drawled and flicked her long blonde hair back over her shoulder as she went over to the enormous walk in closet. She opened it and then   
“mmm’ed” as she considered what to wear. I stretched my neck to look over her shoulder. Damn, that was some closet, alright. And some clothes. Seriously, Tanya had so much clothes it was almost a bit ridiculous, really. 

After a while she settled on a pinstriped pencil skirt. A crisp, white button down and a pinstriped blazer that matched her skirt. She was clearly all business today, I thought to myself as I watched her grab a pair of insanely high heels from the closet. 

“Won’t be a moment,” she said lightly as she carried the clothes towards the bathroom. “Enjoy your breakfast.” 

“I will. It’s better than Coco Pops.”

She raised an eyebrow. “Is that what you have for breakfast?”

“Yep. Didn’t the full background check tell you that?” I teased. 

“No, that was an information I did not know. But I can’t say that I’m surprised really,” she drawled. And then she disappeared into the bathroom. It didn’t take long before I heard the water running.

I snorted quietly to myself. And then I gobbled down the rest of my coffee. And tried to wrap my head around what had happened. I had slept with Tanya. I snorted again. Now there’s a sentence I thought I would never think. There had been a lot of that lately. Things had happened. Things that I would ever even have imagination to fantasize about. And now what? I had a secret affair with Tanya Goldstein. I could handle that, right? No big deal. I could keep a secret. I could make sure that this stayed between us. We were just messing around, and I was completely fine with that. Nothing serious, just a bit of fun. Exactly what I needed after the horrible breakup I had been through. I quite enjoyed the thing Tanya and I had going. The flirty banter. Her quick-witted answers. Very entertaining. She was beautiful, funny, smart. And a firecracker in bed. Of course I wanted to see her again and have a little repeat performance of last night. Of course I was attracted to her. It was pretty impossible to be anything else, but that was it. It wasn’t like I was in love with her or anything. Definitely not. No, I had been in love with Lily. Very much so. The thing I had with Tanya was something completely different. Couldn’t be compared. 

I munched on another crispy piece of bacon and cleared my throat. I had suddenly picked up on a slight scratching feeling in the back of my throat. Interesting. That scratching sensation had not been there last night. I was sure of that. And now when I noticed it, the scratching sensation felt irritating. I cleared my throat again. Nope. Didn’t help. Just made it worse actually. Hmm. This couldn’t be good. 

I sniffled. Was there something in my nose as well? Not literally ‘something’ of course. But a slight hint of irritation. I sniffled again. That didn’t help. It actually just made it worse. Much worse. I ended up sneezing. Loudly. And when I did, the scratching sensation in my throat worsened.

“Bless you!” Tanya yelled through the running water. 

“Thanks!” I half-chuckled and sniffled. Crap. I was definitely coming down with something. Angie’s cold, most likely. Oh, I was gonna get her for this! She had contaminated me with her germs! I grumbled under my breath, now also picking up on the growing pain behind my eyes. God damnit. “Angie...” I groaned. Seriously, I was gonna murder her for this. I had a pile of work I had to take care when I got home. I did NOT have time to get sick. And Ingrid would surely murder me if I called in sick on Monday. I chuckled quietly. If my sickness wouldn’t kill me, Ingrid would. I glanced back at the bathroom door. I could still hear the water running and I cringed slightly when I realized something. I shouldn’t be here if I was starting to come down with something. God forbid Tanya should get sick. 

I hastily forced down the rest of my breakfast, now fully realizing how much swallowing actually hurt, and then I stumblingly got up from the bed. I discarded of the robe and shimmied into my underwear. Once the bra was hooked, I grabbed my jeans and grimaced slightly. Yesterday’s clothing. The famous walk of shame. It had been years since I last had made a walk of shame. I hastily zipped and buttoned the jeans and then grabbed the crisp, white shirt. I chuckled a bit as I buttoned it. Of course it was dry now. I zoned out for a moment as I thought back to last night. How I had ended up in the pool with her. She still hadn’t admitted to pushing me into the pool on purpose, but I was dead sure she had in fact done it on purpose. It would totally be a Tanya thing to do. I scoffed. And what did I know about that? I didn’t know her habits that well. I brushed a hand over my shirt to smoothen out any creases. Yep, totally wrinkled from lying on the floor all night. I scowled slightly. I just had to believe that Angie would be asleep when I got home. If she saw me like this, she would definitely have questions. Lots of them. Shit. I grimaced. I couldn’t exactly explain this away. Staying out all night AND coming home wearing the same clothes. She had already “warned” me about wanting to have a “serious” talk about how I had been lying to her. And she had a point. I had most definitely been lying to her. But telling the truth wasn’t exactly an option either. She would hit the ceiling. And I doubted that Tanya was interested in having me broadcasting what was going on between us. The idea alone was laughable. I moved to stand in front of the mirror and grimaced again as I tried to do something about my mess of a hair. Now I wondered why Tanya hadn’t laughed at me this morning. My hair was sticking up in the most ridiculous way. I looked more like an alien than an actual human being. 

As I stood there and tried to do something about my hair, I heard the water switch off in the bathroom and the sound of a hairdryer being switched on instead. 

I sat down on the bed and crossed my legs. I didn’t want to leave, but I didn’t feel entirely well. Yucky, as Angie would have put it. Definitely yucky. Was I getting a fever? Oh god, I didn’t have time to get sick. So many things to do. 

The hairdryer was switched off and I heard Tanya move around in the bathroom. Tap-tap-tap. Was she on her phone in there? It sure sounded like it. Was she posting something on Instagram again? I chuckled lightly. What would it be this time? If she was on Instagram. She could be texting someone. I heard the sound of a spray hissing and then Tanya softly cursing under her breath. I suffocated a chuckle. And I suffocated something else as well. A memory about last night. Tanya had cursed a lot last night as well. 

The spray stopped hissing and I heard Tanya exhale softly. She sounded a bit tired. I couldn’t blame her for that. I was tired too. Sleep had been in short supply last night. I smirked to myself and fidgeted with my hands in my lap. 

The door to the bathroom swung open, and Tanya reemerged. It was hard to believe that she was the same woman who had been wearing a bathrobe only twenty or so minutes ago. She looked completely impeccable in her pinstriped suit and with her hair freshly blow-dried and tied back in a French braid. Her makeup was subtle but perfect, and yeah, I was impressed. And I wondered whether this was an actress thing? Getting ready this fast. Or maybe it was simply a Tanya thing. 

“Not planning on showering?” she asked nonchalantly as she fiddled with the cufflinks on her blazer. 

“No, actually I think I have to go,” I said and tried not to sniffle out loud. 

“Really?” she raised an eyebrow. “A night of fun and then dashing out of the door the morning after. Real classy.”

I opened my mouth to say something, but she interrupted me by laughing heartedly. “Relax, Mara. I’m kidding. There’s an extra toothbrush in the bathroom. And a deodorant.” Her eyebrows did a little dance as she glanced at me a second time. “And a hairbrush.”

“Was that a hint?” I asked and raised my own eyebrows.

“Yes. Definitely.” She said flatly and then chuckled again. 

“Thanks,” I said sardonically but unable to keep my own grin at bay. I stood from the bed and teasingly pushed past her as I headed into the bathroom. There was indeed a second toothbrush lying on the sink. And a deodorant. And a hairbrush. It took me a second to grasp that Tanya actually had laid out the items because she knew I was gonna need them. Well. That was sort of...sweet. 

I scoffed as I quickly pushed that thought away. Now was not the time for thinking. Instead I brushed my teeth until my mouth foamed. I thoroughly enjoyed it. My mouth had tasted rather stale. After a moment, I spat toothpaste into the sink and gargled some water. My throat burned slightly, and I grimaced as I hastily sprayed underneath my arms with the deodorant. I looked a bit too pale. And my eyes were a bit glassy. Shit. I was definitely coming down with something. But I could beat it. If I treated myself to a slow weekend with lots of orange juice and tea and paracetamol, I could beat this without having to call in sick on Monday. I squared my shoulders as I grabbed the hairbrush and attacked my impossible hair. This was a very nice bathroom, by the way. Huge tub and shower with golden tabs and everything. A bathroom fit for an actress. 

I ended up sloshing a bit of water into my hair in an attempt to make it lie flat and give that “Twiggy” impression my hairdresser had blabbered on about. Right now I looked more like Mia Farrow when she starred in “Rosemary’s Baby” and looked insane most of the time. It had to be my glassy eyes that did it. but I couldn’t exactly do anything about that. I sighed and gave up and left the bathroom.   
Just as I came back into the bedroom, there was a knock on the door, and Beth came in with Genevieve in her arms. The cat did not look very pleased at all. Not when Tanya fawned over her and lifted her into her arms. 

I grinned because the cat looked positively unimpressed, and Tanya soon gave up and put the cat down. She thanked Beth, and the petite brunette was one big smile when she left the hotel room. I felt...something when I saw her smile like that. A sort of niggling feeling, but I immediately pushed it away. 

Beth left, and Tanya turned to me. “Well...” she said silkily. 

“Yeah,” I said and flashed her a slight smile. 

“Last night was fun,” she said simply.

“Understatement much?” I drawled. 

“I’ve no idea what you’re talking about, miss Swanson.”

“Of course you don’t. Are you planning on ever calling me again?” I asked cheekily. 

“If you play your cards right, I just might,” she drawled.

I snorted. “Thanks. I feel so honored.”

“Good. You should.” she crept closer like a leopard stalking her prey. “And if you’re really lucky, I might just call you tomorrow.”

“Might just?” I echoed and raised an eyebrow again. 

“Mmm. Might just.” She bared her teeth in a wicked grin. “I had fun last night.”

“Really?” I said and mock gasped. “I had no idea!”

“Idiot.”

“Rude ass.”

Tanya looked positively impressed. “’Rude ass?’” she echoed. 

“I said what I said.”

“It’s beyond me how you can be a reporter,” she stated flatly. 

“The things I write are better than the things I say.”

She burst out laughing and shook her head as she said. “I know. Believe me, I know. And you still don’t know what my favorite position is.”

Fuck. Something fluttered in my stomach at that. “And will I find out?” 

“If you play your cards right,” she repeated, and there was that villainous smile again. 

“I’m excellent at cards,” I told her and smirked. 

“Interesting,” Tanya said and glanced at the gold wristwatch she was wearing today. “Anyway, off you pop. I believe you were in a hurry.”

“I’m not, I’m just-“

“Well, I am,” she teased. “So get out of here, Swanson. And don’t forget to get your phone from Fred on the way.”

“Okay, okay. I’m out of here,” I announced. “But I’ll see you. Soon. Maybe.”

“Maybe,” she repeated, and her laughter followed me out of the hotel room...... 

Two things were abundantly clear when I drove home: I felt crappy. And my phone was dead. Or the battery was. I should have asked good ol’ Fred to hook it up with a charger overnight. Oh well. I could do that the next time. Because I was pretty confident there was gonna be a next time. 

I felt utterly relieved when I pulled up in front of the familiar block of apartments. My knees felt like jelly as I exited the car and headed towards the building. I needed to lie down. I needed tea. Paracetamol. Chicken soup. And possibly a blanket. If I wasn’t already running a fever, I was definitely headed towards just that. 

I had to drag myself to the elevator. Thankfully that elevator did in fact work, and despite how crappy I felt, I couldn’t help but smirk when I thought of last night and what had happened in the elevator. It send tingles down my spine, and I nearly jumped when the elevator dinged, and the door slurped open. I stepped outside and half-stumbled up to the apartment door. I tryingly pressed the doorknob down. The door immediately opened, and I weaseled inside the apartment. 

“Mara?” it croakily came from the living room. 

“Yup, the one and only,” I hastily confirmed as I disappeared into my room. I hastily shed my clothes, dumped it in the hamper basket and grabbed my fluffy grey bathrobe. Took a quick peek into my closet and decided that sweatpants and a loose fitting tanktop was the solution for everything. I grumbled under my breath as I hooked my phone up with the charger. My inbox was probably overflowing with emails from Ingrid. She had a habit of constantly sending emails even though it was the weekend. Oh well, she could wait. At least until I had taken a shower and opened my laptop. 

Ignoring Angie’s croaky questions from the living room, I quickly padded down the hallway and into the bathroom. I discarded of my robe, switched the water on and then stepped into the shower. The hot water against my skin felt nice, but for some reason I still shivered. Yup, I was definitely coming down with something. God damnit. Getting sick wasn’t exactly what I needed right now. Ingrid had been going on and on and on about some major article I was supposed to start working on this Monday. And I couldn’t very well do that when I was sick, could I? 

Very appropriately, I sneezed loudly. “Fucking shit,” I said gravely as I washed my hair. “Not right now!” 

I spent longer in the shower than I normally would. And for two reasons. One: it was nice. Two: maybe, just maybe Angie would be asleep by the time I returned to the living room. I kinda hoped she would be. I wasn’t geared to answer questions right now. I felt too...bleh. Yeah. I felt bleh. That annoying, nagging on-the-brink-of-getting-sick-but-not-really feeling. I washed my hair once more time just for the hell of it. To make sure I didn’t smell of chlorine when I stepped out of the shower.

I had hoped to be able to scurry back to my room when I left the bathroom. But unfortunately, I wasn’t that lucky. “Mara?” Angie croaked from the living room. 

Shit. I grimaced as I as nonchalantly as possible strolled into the living room and offered a light: “hey.” 

Angie looked at me. Her eyes were glassy, but she still managed to look every bit alert. “You’ve been out all night and the first thing you do when coming home is taking a shower. Are you still trying to convince me that you’re not seeing anyone?” she croaked. 

“And good morning to you too,” I said sardonically in a pathetic attempt to buy myself some time. 

“Get in here,” she barked and coughed slightly. 

I stopped lingering by the doorway and came into the living room. “We’re gonna have words,” I told her. “You’ve totally given me your cold.” 

“Right.” she looked me up and down. “You’ve gotten laid.” 

“Angie-“ 

“Don’t even try to deny it, Mara,” she said dully. “You’ve totally gotten laid.” 

“I have not.” I denied it anyway. 

She scoffed, unimpressed. “Who is she?”

“There is no one.”

“For fuck’s sake, Mara!” she barked and coughed. “Why do you keep lying to me? I can literally see from the look on your face that you’ve been with someone. So. Who. Is. She?” 

“I don’t know!” I hissed. I felt backed up in a corner. 

Angie raised an eyebrow in disbelief. “You don’t know?”

“No, I-“ think fast, Mara! “I had too much to drink last night and I ended up in the bathroom with some girl. I can’t remember her name anymore.” 

Angie looked me over for a second and then she started laughing. “You almost managed to make that sound believable. Good job, Mara. But it’s not good enough. I don’t believe you.”

No, of course she didn’t. And I didn’t blame her. We had known each other for too long. She could tell when I was lying. But I couldn’t tell her this. There was nothing to tell, really. Tanya and I just had a bit of fun. But I couldn’t keep denying. I would end up hurting my best friend, and that had never been my intention. 

“Okay, you’re right,” I conceded. “There is, uhh... someone.”

“I knew it,” Angie smiled. “Who is she?”

“Her name’s... Her name’s Tammie.”

”Tammie,” Angie repeated and sat up more properly in the couch. “And where did you meet her?” 

“In a bar.” that was only a partial lie. I had met Tanya in a bar. 

“How long ago was this?” Angie asked curiously. 

“A few weeks. Give or take. But it’s nothing serious,” I quickly clarified as I curled up in the plushy chair next to the couch. “It’s just a bit of fun.”

“Oh,” Angie said. “Well, I’m happy for you anyway. You need to have fun. It’s been ages since you’ve last had fun.”

I allowed myself to chuckle. “I suppose so.”

“Don’t lie to me again, okay?”

“Got it,” I said and felt relieved now that we sort of had cleared the air. I reached out and grabbed my laptop from the coffee table. Now I had to check my emails. 

Angie smirked. “Now it suddenly makes so much sense why you didn’t pick up last night.” 

Yeah, because Fred took my phone. I didn’t say that. Instead I raised an eyebrow and asked: “you called me? What did you want?” 

“Lemon drops.”

“Oh.” I rolled my eyes as I tapped in my password. “Well, I can see that you survived without them.”

“Cooper picked some up for me.”

“Ahhh. Your not-boyfriend.”

“Shut up.”

I snickered as I opened a browser. I was actually supposed to check my email now, but instead I ended up thinking about Tanya and the puzzling conversation I had overheard her having with Beth in the hallway. What had that even been about? Tanya had been angry at first, but then she had apologized. I wanted to know what that had been about. And I wanted to know what lithium was. That was the word Tanya had spat in Beth’s face before apologizing. Was I poking around in things that I shouldn’t be poking around in? Probably. But I couldn’t help it. I quickly typed the word “lithium” into the search engine, and it didn’t take long before I got a result. Lithium was a drug. ‘Primarily used as a psychiatric medication, good old Wikipedia told me. Including the treatment of major depressive disorders that does not improve following the use of other antidepressants, and bipolar disorders.’ 

Surprise flooded me as I looked at the Wikipedia page. Was Tanya... Was Tanya bipolar? Holy shit, I did not see that coming. She had kept that a very good secret, and I couldn’t blame her. Not that it was something to be ashamed or embarrassed about, god no. But I knew the gossip press. I was the press, for fucks sake. I knew how “we” were geared. I knew that “they” would have a field day if they ever found out about it. 

“You okay?” 

“Hmm?” I looked up. 

“It just looked like you had seen a ghost,” Angie clarified. 

“Oh. No, I’m good. You’ve just given me your cold, you asshole,” I teased. 

“Of course I did,” she drawled. “I want you to share my pain.”

I laughed briefly but then pursed my lips as I clicked back to google and deleted my search history. I shouldn’t have pried in something that was so personal, and now I felt guilty about it. I remembered Tanya’s anger when Beth had mentioned her medicine, but it hadn’t just been that. There had also been concern. And she had sounded scared, even. Scared that someone would find out. Now I had found out, but I had absolutely no intention of telling anyone. I was going to keep Tanya’s secret safe. 

“Achoo!” my musings were interrupted when I sneezed loudly. 

Angie jumped a little in the couch. “Bless you,” she said with a slight frown as she handed me the box of tissues. 

“I am going to murder you for this,” I darkly vowed as I grabbed a tissue from the box and blew my nose.


	17. Tammie

“ACHOO! God damnit!” 

That was the fourth time within seconds I had sneezed this morning, and I felt incredibly sorry for myself. It was Monday morning, and instead of being at work, I was huddled up on the couch under several blankets with tea and cough drops nearby. My fever had bloomed in full force throughout the rest of the Saturday and Sunday, and those two days had been kind of a blur. Today my fever had broken, but I still felt pretty crappy. Definitely not well enough to be at work. But I would be tomorrow. I had rested up all weekend like a good girl. I would be fine tomorrow. 

“Achoo!” I sniffled and blew my nose. “Fuck this shit!” this literally sucked so bad. I didn’t even feel satisfied with being home from work. Not when I felt this sorry for myself. And Ingrid had offered absolutely zero understanding. Instead she had been disbelieving and asked how high my fever was. She was clearly trying to bust me in some sort of lie, and it had almost been rewarding when I had exploded in a loud coughing fit whilst talking to her. She had been disgusted but convinced. And muttered something about how she hoped that I would find myself “capable” of working on the article I was supposed to write. No well wishes or anything. Just a reminder to work. Thanks a lot, Ingrid. You’re too kind. 

“Achoo!” I blew my nose. “How the fuck am I supposed to look human tomorrow?!” 

“You won’t,” Angie said darkly. She too had cancelled work today. She felt lots better, and she certainly looked better than I did, and yet she had still chosen to stay at home today. Just to make sure she was “back in the groove” tomorrow. And she wanted to keep me company, she claimed. Which was pretty unnecessary because I was fully capable of being sick on my own as I had snarked a bit earlier. 

“Achoo!” I sneezed for the millionth time. 

“Bless you,” Angie said dully. 

“Thanks,” I said sardonically and blew my nose. The skin underneath my nose felt completely raw.

“You wanna watch something else?” she asked. 

“Mmm,” I half-moaned and stared at the television screen. I had felt so sorry for myself that I had been forced to use “brutal” methods to feel better. Which happened to be “The Christmas Prince”. My ultimate feelgood movie and guilty pleasure. A well-kept secret Angie was the only one who knew about. 

“What do you wanna watch then?” Angie asked.

I shrugged. “I dunno. The second one?”

Angie snorted. “Seriously?” 

“Yeah, why not?”

“Because it’s not working,” she said plainly. “You’re still miserable. You need something stronger.”

“Such as what? Whiskey? Gin?” 

Angie snorted. “No, Mara. Not alcohol.” She pressed the “Netflix” button on the remote control. Soon she was scrolling around and pointing out how much “Jane The Virgin” I had watched during the past two days. She wasn’t wrong, and I just settled for snorting something inaudible that sounded mildly amused. But my amusement soon faded and turned into sheer horror when she clicked on “Love Me Not”. Nope. Nope, nope, nope! Uh-uh. Absolutely not. Definitely not. Bad idea. Bad, bad idea. I couldn’t watch Tanya on screen when I had just... Nope. It was weird. 

“I’d rather watch the second A Christmas Prince movie,” I said and cursed my rotten luck. 

“The first one didn’t help so I doubt the second one will,” Angie rejected as she clicked on the first episode. “Come on, let’s watch this. It’s the only chance I have to binge.”

“Okay then.” I couldn’t exactly tell her no. She would ask for reasons why, and I couldn’t give her any. At least no one that wouldn’t make her eyes bulge. 

And so we watched the first scene of the pilot episode of “Love Me Not”. The one that had started it all. The one that had gotten both Angie and I hooked. I could easily remember how much I had enjoyed the episode the first time I had seen it. But instead of enjoying it, I was squirming now as the first scene rolled over the screen. The first scene happened to be a “love scene”. A bed scene between Celeste Bellamy and “mean ex-boyfriend” Gavin Butler. Thomas Montgomery, the guy who played Gavin Butler was shirtless, and Angie enjoyed drooling about that. In the scene, Gavin and Celeste was heatedly making out on the bed. She was underneath him and had her long legs wrapped around his waist. Her nails were scoring up and down his naked back, and I suddenly had an acute problem with swallowing. Because that looked just a tad too familiar. I reached for my cup of tea and took a deep sip. Well, this was an advanced type of torture. Why the hell was that makeout scene so long? Had it always been so long? I hid a chuckle in my cup of tea as I imagined all the snarky things Tanya could and would have said in between the takes. I took another large sip of tea as I watched how Tanya on screen tangled her fingers into Thomas’ short brown hair and simulating to enjoy the way he was kissing her neck. I had to cough to mask the chuckle that slipped out of me. That moan had sounded so utterly fake. It could in no way be compared to the way she had moaned on Saturday night. And suddenly the way she giggled when “Gavin” flipped them, so she was on top, seemed ridiculous. Tanya would never giggle like that. And it was hard to take the whimsical sound seriously when I knew “the real deal” so to speak. Images of the night I had spent with Tanya immediately flooded my mind. The way she had teased and sassed and tugged at my hair....

“What are you grinning about?”

I immediately snapped out of it when Angie spoke. “Nothing.”

Angie obviously didn’t buy that. “Still perving on Tanya Goldstein then?” 

I huffed. “I am not perving on Tanya Goldstein!”

She didn’t buy that either and teased: “You totally are. How do you think Tammie would feel about that?”

I scoffed and feigned being unimpressed. “She wouldn’t mind.”

“How can you be so sure?” 

I scoffed again. “She probably likes “perving” on Tanya Goldstein too.” now that was something I could easily imagine happening. 

Angie laughed and let the subject go. To my relief. Of course she had tried to squeeze information about “Tammie” out of me throughout the weekend, and I had been shamefully relieved about coming down with a cold. Getting sick meant nursing my health and being too “weak” to answer questions. I was kinda a horrible person, but I needed time. Time to think of some creative lie to feed Angie.   
“Tammie” still needed a surname and a job. I hadn’t been smart enough to think about that, and I knew that it was only a matter of time before Angie demanded to know more. The whole “casual thing” I had come up with wouldn’t keep working. But maybe I didn’t have to come up with creative stories about “Tammie”. I hadn’t heard a peep from Tanya since I had said goodbye to her on Saturday morning, and I was annoyingly disappointed at that. I shouldn’t be. I really, really shouldn’t. Because she hadn’t exactly promised to call. But then again, she hadn’t exactly promised to not call. We had been flirting and bantering, and I should be satisfied with that instead of pathetically hoping she would call. I was not some smitten sixteen year old sitting impatiently in front of my phone and waiting for my crush to call me. I was a grown ass woman who happened to have a fun little thing going with an actress, and that was it. End of story. I refused to be some faithful little golden retriever waiting for Tanya. If she called, she called. And if she didn’t...well, that was fine. It was. I was determined to ignore the smidge of hurt I felt because she hadn’t called. That secret, teeny tiny little part of me that felt upset because we had spend the most amazing night together and she hadn’t called me. 

I took a large gulp of tea and told myself to quit being an idiot. 

Angie didn’t seem to notice anything as she curled up in the other end of the couch. She happily commented on what was going on and didn’t notice that I was struggling to keep a straight face. 

“It’s surreal that you’ve met her,” Angie commented as we watched as “Celeste” stood from the bed and grabbed her lover’s shirt to cover herself.

“Mmm,” I said vaguely.

“You should have asked her if we get a season three,” Angie half-chuckled. 

“As you may recall, I did. And she said, ‘no comment’,” I reminded my roommate. 

“You should have pushed harder.”

I half-chuckled, half-coughed. “Are you criticizing the way I work?” 

“Little bit,” Angie said shamelessly and grinned. 

I demonstratively blew my nose and announced: “I’m going to make more tea!”

“I can do that,” Angie offered. 

But I was already standing from the couch and stumbling into the kitchen. I had run out of tea, but I also couldn’t handle seeing anymore half-naked Tanya Goldstein. Too many flashbacks. In my already fragile state, it was too much. I grinded my teeth in pure frustration. How was it possible for Tanya to find new ways to get to me when she wasn’t even here? It wasn’t fucking fair. 

I took my sweet time with making the tea, and I rejected Angie’s offer about pausing the series. I wasn’t afraid of missing out on anything. I was more afraid of seeing too much. Seriously, Tanya spend half of the pilot episode prancing around in only her underwear and a white button up. It was too much for me. I was only a human being. But if I hadn’t been half-sick still, I would definitely have flung myself into a very cold shower and stayed there until all thoughts about Tanya Goldstein had been washed away. I took a deep breath while waiting for the water to boil. Maybe I should suggest that we watched something else. Could I do that without making Angie suspicious? The answer was a big fat no. “Love Me Not” was one of my favorite shows. Not once had I suggested that we watched something else. Nor could I get away with doing so today. I would just have to suck it up and endure like it like a big girl. 

Very appropriately, the kettle clicked and indicated that the water was done. I had no choice but to pour it into a mug and add the teabag. “Angie? Do you want some more tea?”

“No thanks. Are you coming to watch this thing with me or not?” 

“Be right there,” I promised as I carefully carried the mug of tea back to the living room with me. Now I had new tea to choke on while watching Tanya shrugging off that white button up and revealing the black underwear. I was pretty sure I was going to die. And it had nothing to do with the cold. 

But for whatever reason, I was still alive at night. Sort of anyway. My head had begun to throb slightly, and my nose felt stuffy. I had an inkling that I wouldn’t be going to work tomorrow anyway. I would disappoint Ingrid again. Whoops. But there were benefits as well. Angie would be going to work tomorrow. I would have the apartment to myself. I could watch as many “trashy” feel good movies as I wanted. I could drink alcohol if that was what I wanted. And I could generally just feel super sorry for myself. A proper pity party just for me. I didn’t want Angie to participate in that. She always laughed at me and claimed that I didn’t get normal flu but “man flu”. Maybe she was right about that. I scoffed quietly to myself as I slipped into bed and wrapped the covers tightly around myself. I felt totally achy and exhausted. And I generally wanted to murder Angie for having “blessed me” with her disgusting cold. I hadn’t deserved this. 

“Achoo!”

“Bless you!” Angie yelled from her room.

“Thank you!” I croaked and softly added: “I hate you.”

She laughed muffled through the wall. So she had heard that. Oops.

I blew my nose and grabbed a tissue from the fresh box of tissues on my nightstand. I just had one more thing I needed to do before bedtime. Check up on the million I had received from Boris and Melanie and Jackie. And Ingrid of course. I scoffed and grumbled to myself. What did she think? That I was made of stone? Wasn’t I allowed to be human and get sick? I swear to god, Ingrid assumed all her employees were robots, designed and made to obey her and only her. I rubbed a hand over my face as I switched my laptop on, typed in my password and then opened my inbox. Yup. It was flooded. 

Exactly like I had dreaded. Why? I silently asked myself. Of all the people in all the world, why did I have to end up with getting the boss from hell? I hadn’t deserved that either. Seriously, I could feel tiny fragments of my soul just chip away as I mechanically answered the emails and deleted them. In the last one, I managed to slip in that I wouldn’t be coming to work tomorrow either. I hit “send” and was almost expecting a thunderclap or hear Ingrid roar in anger like the deadly dragon she was. But nothing happened, and I could close my laptop and settle down under the covers once more. After I had blown my nose of course. For the millionth time. God damnit. Could one actually die from the flu? If that was the case, I would most definitely come back and haunt the crap out of Angie. She wasn’t gonna get away with bringing this upon me. Seriously, she had spend more time with Cooper than with me. He should have been the one coming down with the flu. Not me. 

I sniffled and considered to fake sneeze obnoxiously loud to annoy Angie, but then I picked up on a sound. A slight scratching sound that came from my bedside table. My phone was vibrating against the table. I clumsily grabbed for it and vowed to myself that I wouldn’t play nice if it was Ingrid calling me because I had called in sick tomorrow as well. 

But I didn’t manage to say anything. The only thing I managed after having slid my finger across the screen to answer, was a loud “ACHOO!” followed by a sincere god damnit. I blew my nose and almost snickered to myself as I brought the phone back up to my ear. If that wasn’t enough to convince Ingrid that I was in fact sick, I didn’t know what was. 

“Gesundheit,” came Tanya’s sarcastic greeting in the other end. “Do that again and it’ll be the last time you hear from me.”

“Hey,” I grinned and immediately scolded myself. I shouldn’t be so happy about hearing from her.

“What are you doing?” she asked. “Apart from scaring people away?”

“I’m sick. Hence the untraditional greeting. Might have to stay home tomorrow. What are you doing? Apart from insulting a sick person?” 

“I’ve just wrapped up for the night,” Tanya said and sounded a little tired.

“That was late.”

“Yeah, well. You know what it’s like.”

“No, actually I have no idea.”

She chuckled smokily at that. “I bet you’ve been worried about why I haven’t called you.”

“No, of course not. I just assumed you had gotten tired of me now that you’ve had your fun.”

The other end went quiet and felt tempted to hit myself in the head. Or bite my tongue off.

“I’m sorry,” I quickly amended, realizing that I had taken the joke a step too far. “That wasn’t funny.”

“Don’t worry about it,” Tanya said, quickly recovering. 

“I’m sorry though.”

“I heard you the first time,” she drawled. “So, what’s wrong with you?”

“In general? I’m still paying off my student loans, I have a nasty boss and I’m awful at calling my parents-“

“No, Mara,” Tanya interrupted and laughed fruitily. “I meant the fact that you’re sick.”

“Oh. It’s nothing serious. Just a bit of a cold.”

“Oh, I see. Are you taking properly care of yourself then?”

“Is this you being worried about me?”

“Of course not. I’m just making sure you’re not being an idiot.”

“Obviously,” I laughed hoarsely. “Well, I’ve consumed a gallon of tea and done absolutely nothing today, so I think I’m handling this cold thing pretty good.”

“Sounds like it. You going to work tomorrow?”

“Nope, I am definitely gonna stay home and feel sorry for myself,” I joked. “What about you? What are you gonna do tomorrow?”

“Probably bust my ass off,” she sighed. “There’s been a lot of that lately.”

“How long will it be before you guys are done?”

“In about a month or so. Thank god.”

“Gotten a better offer?” I teased. 

“No, I just need a holiday,” she scoffed. “Now, let’s move onwards to more important topics...”

“Which would be?”

“Have you missed me?” she seductively purred. 

“Hardly,” I said, and the lie was immediately obvious in my voice.

“That so?” Tanya drawled. “Not even a little bit?”

“Nope.”

“So you wouldn’t at all be interested in hearing about the dream I had last night?”

Hell yeah, I was interested in hearing about that dream. “You had a dream?”

“Mmm,” Tanya said, and there was that seductive purring again. 

“About...?”

“I thought you weren’t interested?”

“Don’t be a prick.”

Tanya laughed amused once more. “How creative, miss Swanson.”

“Whatever. Just tell me about that dream!”

“Very well...” she lowered her voice to a whisper: “it was about a swimming pool.”

“Oh? Tell me more.”

“You let me do absolutely scandalous things to you in that swimming pool...” she continued and chuckled seductively once more. 

“Did I indeed?” 

“Mmmmhmm. I had no idea you were so promiscuous, Mara.”

“Says the woman who initiated sex in an elevator,” I whispered. 

Tanya let out an amused chuckle. “I did, didn’t I? But then again, I didn’t exactly hear you complain...”

I ignored that and accused: “you pushed me into that swimming pool on purpose.”

“Did I?” she teased.

“You did.”

“Word against word,” Tanya pointed out and now she was really laughing at me. Again. “Maybe you just tripped because you’re beyond clumsy.”

“You tugged me into that pool on purpose!” I quietly hissed. 

“Perhaps. But you haven’t got a shred of evidence to back up your theory,” she laughed. “Goodnight, Mara.” Click.

She had fucking just hung up on me! I shook my head as I put the phone down on the nightstand. That fucking tease! I wasn’t done talking to her. I had rather enjoyed our flirty banter and I definitely hadn’t wanted it to stop anytime soon. I wonder where she had been when she called me? In the car? Back at the hotel? 

I groaned and curled up under the covers as I thought back to that night at her hotel. Her hands on my body. Mine on hers. All the things she had said. The way her voice had dropped several octaves. Breathless. Her mouth on my...

Nope. If I went down that road, I would definitely not be able to go to sleep. My late night fantasies about Tanya had already cost me enough hours of sleep, and I refused to let that happen again. I chewed on my bottom lip. I had just realized that she hadn’t mentioned meeting again, and I couldn’t quieten that little pang of disappointment I felt at that. I immediately felt annoyed at myself. I shouldn’t feel disappointed. Nor should I feel eager to see her again. Why had she even called me? She had basically just teased and taunted as always. And, I realized with a slight snort, that had probably been the point of this phone call. Should have known that.

“Achoo!”

“Bless you!” Angie yelled from her own room. “Could you do a favor and keep it down? I’m trying to sleep, damnit!”

“Yeah, sure, I’ll try and keep my sneezing to a minimum,” I said sarcastically.

“Thanks!” Angie said completely serios from the other room. 

I sighed deeply and blew my nose for the millionth time that night. My head was aching a little bit, but I didn’t feel as sleepy anymore. Thanks to Tanya. Now I could only think about that husky whisper.   
That dream she’d had about the swimming pool. I would have loved to know more details. Fuck her for not telling me more.

“Achoo!”

“Shut up!”

I chuckled hoarsely. It was nice to know how much Angie cared about my well being. She would have made a really crappy nurse. That hard-ass attitude wouldn’t have gotten her anywhere. Maybe that was why she was such a good yoga instructor. She didn’t coddle or take crap from anyone.

I closed my eyes and did my best to find my calm place of serenity. But it didn’t work. All I could think about was Tanya and the infuriating way she had hung up on me after spilling things about some dream she had. God, that woman was unbelievable! Unbelievably annoying, obviously. The most annoying person I had ever come across. And I couldn’t wait to see her again.........

I felt so much better when I woke up the following morning. My joints felt less achy, my throat less scratchy and my nose, well...better. But I still wasn’t planning on going anywhere. I probably could if I wanted to, but the thing was.... I didn’t. As I climbed out of bed, I easily convinced myself that I was simply “too sick” to go to work. I wasn’t playing hookie. Not really. I rolled my head from side to side and felt every bit satisfied with the little crick I heard. I grabbed a tanktop and a pair of yoga pants from the closet and then headed into the bathroom to take a quick shower.

I felt very refreshed when I stepped out of the shower and toweled off. I had barely coughed, and I hadn’t sneezed a single time. I was definitely getting better. But I was still tired. So I wasn’t skipping work. At least not really. 

I got dressed in the yoga pants and grey tanktop, no bra, I was really having a home day, and padded into the kitchen. Blissfully empty. Angie had left early. And left a note on the kitchen table in which she asked me not to eat her yoghurt. Because apparently that would make me an “asshat” as she so creatively put it. Okay then. I wouldn’t be an asshat today. I wouldn’t eat her precious yoghurt. I opened the fridge and took a peek. There were donuts from yesterday. Was it gross? Yep. Had I deserved it after coughing up my lungs? Hell yes. 

I treated myself to both donuts, made some coffee and then carried the lot into the living room where I plopped down on the couch. I switched the television on. It went straight to Netflix and “Love Me Not”. Angie had clearly been watching that before she left this morning. Well, I was definitely not going to. I couldn’t handle seeing Tanya Goldstein this early. I would end up choking on my donut. Instead   
I landed on good old reliable “friends”. I could handle spending my morning with Rachel and Ross and the gang. I smiled fondly when Jennifer Aniston appeared on screen. You never forget your first celebrity crush. In my case that was Jennifer Aniston, and Angie had teased me about that many, many times. She claimed that I got a particular look in my eyes whenever Jennifer Aniston appeared on my screen. Which was totally not true. I had told her that many times, but for whatever reason she didn’t believe me at all. 

I stretched out on the couch. “Just you and me, huh, Jen? I can look at you how I please now. Angie isn’t at home to judge me.” I’m talking to my television. Maybe I should have gone to work instead.

Nah.

This was so much better. I took a big bite of my donut and laughed obnoxiously loudly as Joey fucked up. Again. “I’m just....living my best life!” I half-yelled to the quiet apartment. “And there’s no one here to stop me!” another bite of the donut. I wondered if Angie potentially had saved these donuts for later. Maybe she had. Woops. Oh well. Too late. I munched down the rest of the donut and flushed it down with a solid mouthful of coffee. 

I happily munched on my second donut and drinking coffee and thinking to myself what a good idea this was. I was obviously grateful for feeling better, but there was still a hint of throbbing behind my eyes, so staying home from work had been the right thing to do. But tomorrow I would be going to work. I had to calm the beast that was Ingrid Peterson and her wrath. I took another sip of my coffee and leaned back in the couch. It was only eight in the morning. I had only been home alone for about a half an hour or so. What should I do after breakfast? Watch some more Netflix perhaps. Or maybe I should open my laptop and do a bit more work. Or write a long and detailed email to my parents in which I told them all about what I had been up to lately. It wasn’t a phone call, but it was almost as good. I felt a wave of guilt rise from the pit of my stomach. I hadn’t been home in seven months, and I knew my parents missed me. I was a bad, bad daughter who neglected her parents. Damnit. 

Knock-knock-knock. 

My train of self-blaming thoughts were interrupted, and I looked up and blinked in surprise. Who could that be? The only person I could think of was Cooper. But that wouldn’t make sense. Angie was at work, and he knew that. Ergo, it would be ridiculous if he stopped by now. 

Knock-knock-knock! A bit more insistent this time. Okay then. Maybe it was a confused postman or someone who couldn’t get inside their own apartment. 

“Be right there!” I yelled slightly hoarsely as I tossed the blanket aside and pushed myself up from the couch. 

Knock-knock-knock! Knock-knock-knock!

“I’m coming, I’m coming! Jesus! Chill!” I grumbled as I stumbled into the hallway. It couldn’t possibly be that important, right? I was still complaining under my breath as I wrestled the door open and came face to face with.... my jaw dropped. Despite the chocolate brown locks and contact lenses that made her eyes deep brown, I had no problem with recognizing her. 

“Good morning,” she smirked. 

“I...What are you doing here?”

Tanya raised an eyebrow. “Rude.” 

“Sorry. But seriously, what are you-“

“Are you gonna let me in or what?” she lazily interrupted. “I’ve always hated doorstep conversations.” 

I mutely stepped aside and let her come into the little hallway. I felt completely beside myself as I closed the door behind her. 

Tanya took off her long navy blue coat and revealed the light blue skinny jeans and casual checkered button up she was wearing today. Her chocolate brown wig had been pulled back in a relaxed side   
ponytail. She looked completely different from the last time. But I still didn’t doubt that it was her. I could recognize her in the way she moved, the way she spoke. 

“What are you doing here?” I asked again. 

Tanya raised an eyebrow. “Not happy to see me? You wound me.”

“Of course I’m happy to see you!” I hastily assured. “I’m just... surprised. I wasn’t exactly expecting-“

“Do you have any breakfast?” Tanya interrupted. “I haven’t had any today, and I’m pretty hungry.”

“I only have a donut,” I said and tried not to laugh at the absurdity in this. “And it’s pretty dry, so...”

“I don’t mind. Is that coffee I can smell?” she said. 

“I- yeah. It is.”

“Can I have a cup then?” she asked briskly. “I haven’t had any of that either.” 

“Sure. You can have a cup of coffee. Just... sit down and make yourself at home. Or whatever.” 

“Thank you,” Tanya said lightly, and her heeled boots echoed slightly as she crossed the floor. “Might if I take a peek at your place?”

“Uhh.... it’s pretty messy right now.” 

“I don’t mind,” she chuckled as she disappeared back into the hallway. I could hear her boots clicking against the floor as she walked around and “took a peek” as she had called it. I shook my head as I poured the coffee into a second cup. God, this was absolutely surreal! Tanya fucking Goldstein was in my apartment. That was insane. 

“Coffee’s ready,” I called as I opened the fridge and found the last donut and put it on a plate. 

It didn’t take long before she came back and said: “nice place.”

I scoffed. “Yeah right.”

“I mean it,” she said, now firm. “It’s a nice apartment you have.” 

“Well, it does the job alright,” I snorted. “Here’s your donut.” 

“Thank you,” she said briskly and grabbed the plate and cup and headed over to the couch where she sat down like she had been here a bunch of times. 

Stunned, I followed her example and went over to the couch. Sat down with a reasonable distance to her. I didn’t want her to catch the remains of my cold or anything. “Soooo...”

“Yes?” Tanya asked as she took a sip of her coffee.

“Wanna tell me what you’re actually doing here?” 

“Having breakfast?” she offered and took a bite of the donut. 

“Funny.”

She swallowed the bite of donut before answering. “I was bored.” 

“That so?” 

“Mhmm. I had nothing better to do.”

“Really?” 

“Yes. And maybe I’m trying to make up for not calling you until last night.” 

“I’m touched,” I lightly teased and gave her a slight nudge.

That didn’t phase her. “Besides I gave you breakfast at the hotel. Seems only fair that you give me breakfast today.”

“If you can call a dry donut and a cup of coffee breakfast,” I pointed out. 

She shrugged. “It works for me. It’s a good donut.” She took another bite. 

I made myself comfortable in the couch and cringed slightly. Even though Tanya was dressed down today, she still looked like a million bucks where as I looked like someone who had just emerged from under a rock. 

“So, how are you feeling?” Tanya asked lightly between mouthfuls of donut.

“What?” 

“You’re sick. Remember?” she reminded me. 

“Oh. Right. Yeah, I feel so much better.”

She chuckled. “Must be my glorious company.”

“Hardly,” I denied. But I couldn’t deny that it was nice to see her again. 

“Are you saying you haven’t missed me at all?” she teased. 

“Of course not.”

She chuckled fruitily in that particular way she so often did. She emptied her cup of coffee. “Well, I haven’t missed you either.”

“That’s why you’re here? Because you haven’t missed me?”

“I’m here because I was bored and had nothing better to do,” she dismissed and took another bite of the donut. 

I snorted slightly. “So, how did you get here? In the limo?”

“Of course not. Don’t be an idiot,” she scoffed. “I had Beth taking me. In her own car.”

“Oh.”

She ate the rest of her donut and looked around in the living room. “I like your place.” 

I snorted again. “Not much compared to your hotel.” 

Tanya scoffed. “This is a real home. The hotel is not.” 

I could see what she meant. “It was Beverly Hills, right?”

“Mmm. Sunset Boulevard.” 

“Right.” Obviously. Try not to get intimated by that, Mara, I told myself. And for some reason, I didn’t feel that intimidated by Tanya today. Maybe because she didn’t look like Tanya right now. 

She flashed me a little smile as she absentmindedly played with a lock of her dark hair. “You look nice.”

“Yeah, right.” I scoffed. 

“You do,” she insisted, and her eyes lingered at my chest as she continued: “I like your...shirt.” 

“Thanks,” I snickered and congratulated myself with the decision I had made a bit earlier. Not to wear a bra today. Tanya seemed very satisfied with that, but I could also see a hint of something in her   
eyes...

“You okay?” I asked spontaneously. It had suddenly occurred to me that she didn’t look as “spunky” as she had the last time, I saw her. 

“Yes of course,” she said lightly. “Why wouldn’t I be?” 

“I dunno, you just look a bit...”

“If you say ‘tired’ so help me god.”

I chuckled. “I’d never dream of it.” 

“But you actually have a point,” she said and flashed a slight smile. “It’s been a couple of long days shooting.”

“I get it.” once again I did the complete spontaneous thing as I inched closer and put a hand on her outer thigh. 

“You have missed me,” she chuckled. 

“I never said that,” I pointed out. 

She chuckled again as she put her hand over mine. “Are you trying to give me your germs, miss Swanson?”

“Yep. You got me. That’s totally what I’m trying to do.”

“You should ask me out for dinner sometimes,” she said nonchalantly. 

“I should?” 

“Why yes,” she snickered. “I did the same for you. Seems only fair. What’s your favorite restaurant?”

“Uhh... Joy. It’s on York Boulevard. Taiwanese.”

“Excellent,” Tanya said and gave my hand on her thigh a slight tap. “Then I think you should suggest we go out and have dinner there on Saturday night at seven.”

“Uhh...” I couldn’t do much else except at gape at her. Did she...Did she want us to date? Was that what this was? Was I dating Tanya Goldstein without realizing it? Come on, Mara. Say something, you idiot.

She laughed at me. “Go on, miss Swanson. Ask me.”

Right. I could do that. “Tanya, would you like to go out and have dinner with me at Joy this Saturday at seven?” 

“Why yes, I would like that very much,” she beamed and flashed me a cheeky smile. “I thought you’d never ask.”

“I didn’t know you wanted me to ask you,” I mumbled. 

“I do,” she said lowly. “As I said, I find you interesting, Mara. Very interesting.”

“You do? Well, I find you interesting too. Tammie.” I inched closer to her again, and she teasingly lifted a finger and began tracing my lips with it. I couldn’t help myself. I bit her finger. Just a little bit, but   
of course she raised an eyebrow. “Watch it, Manson.”

“Why should I?” I sassed and nipped at her finger again. 

“You’re playing with fire,” she informed me and moved her finger away from my lips. 

“Am I? In which way, Tanya?” I grew bolder and gave her thigh a little squeeze. 

She made a slight growling sound and then her lips were on mine. Right where I wanted them to be. Pretty much what I had been dreaming of since I had said goodbye to her. I would very much like for her to be on top of me, and I tried to tell her that by wiggling. 

Tanya chuckled as she broke the kiss. “What are you doing, Mara?” 

“I’m just trying to get you to-“

SLAM!

The sound of the door being opened obnoxiously loudly, instantly made Tanya and I break the kiss, and the next second we saw Angie coming rushing through the apartment, chanting: “forgot my phone, forgot my phone, forgot my phone!” the door to her room was flung open, and I heard how she frantically searched through her belongings to find her phone.

“Seriously?” I muttered and felt slightly panicked as I glanced at Tanya. Fuck, Angie wasn’t supposed to come home right now! Fuck, what if she recognized-

Tanya interrupted me by putting a hand on my thigh, patting it lightly and then she was giving me a look that clearly said, ‘calm the hell down’.

So that was what I tried to do when Angie re-emerged from her room with her phone in hand. “Thank god! I thought I had fucking lost it somewhere-“ she stopped talking when she spotted Tanya, and she looked every bit confused as she said: “hi?” 

“Hi, I’m Tammie!” Tanya said cheerfully. “And you must be Angie!”

“Yeah,” Angie said, still a bit confused. “That’s right.”

“I’ve heard so much about you,” Tanya said as she stood from the couch and extended her hand out towards Angie. “It’s so nice to finally meet you!”

“Likewise,” Angie said and now she was smiling as she shook hands with Tanya. “I’ve heard some talk about you too.” 

“You have? That’s so nice to hear,” Tanya smiled. “I thought Mara was gonna keep me a secret or something.” 

Angie laughed, and I sat there stunned. She couldn’t recognize Tanya. They were talking and laughing together, and Angie couldn’t recognize her. She couldn’t recognize the woman she claimed to be her   
idol. But I actually couldn’t blame her. Where Tanya was light and fair, Tammie had dark hair and dark eyes. Tanya had a raspy, smoky voice and always spoke in a distinct, drawling and decisive way. Tammie was more soft spoken, and her voice was lighter. I almost laughed. Tanya Goldstein was one hell of an actress! If she could fool Angie, she could fool anybody. 

“Anyway, I should probably get going,” Tanya said lightly. “I just stopped by to see how Mara was doing with her being sick and all.”

“That’s so nice of you,” Angie said and looked like she was about to swoon or something.

“I had some time this morning,” Tanya said and looked as sweet as could be as she turned around, crouched down slightly and kissed my cheek. “I’ll call you later, Mara. See you on Saturday.”

“Yep. See you Ta- Tammie,” I said, hastily correcting where I had almost slipped up.

“Thanks for the donut,” she smiled. “And the coffee.”

“You’re welcome.”

She rose to her full height and turned to smile at Angie. “Bye, Angie. It was really nice to meet you!”

“It was nice to meet you too, Tammie. See you around?” 

“Yeah, I might stop by again sometimes,” she said lightly and chuckled sweetly. 

I moved to stand up, but Tanya stopped me. “I can find out myself. No need to get up. See you!” 

And with that she went into the hall, shrugged on her coat and then left the apartment. I just sat there stunned and tried not to gape. Holy. Shit. What. Just. Happened?!

“So that’s the mysterious Tammie!” Angie said and interrupted my stunned state. “God, Mara, she’s so sweet! I can’t imagine why you didn’t want to tell me about her?! She was so nice! And she   
looked...Well, she was a knockout!”

“Yeah,” I squeaked and cleared my throat. “I mean yeah, she’s nice. Very nice.”

“Don’t invite her over when Cooper’s here,” Angie laughed. “He’ll fall for her right on the spot!”

I could imagine that. Cooper too had watched “Love Me Not”, and he had many times voiced how hot he found Tanya to be. Once again, I had to suffocate my amusement.

“So, you guys are going out this Saturday?” Angie briskly continued. “Where are you going?” 

“Joy’s.”

“Your favorite restaurant,” my roommate beamed. “You invited her to your favorite restaurant and you still claim that you and she are just having a bit of fun?”

“Technically, she invited herself,” I mumbled and felt every bit relieved when my phone buzzed on the coffee table. Someone had send me a message. I stopped paying attention to Angie’s blabbering as I grabbed the phone. The message came from an unknown number, and I squinted slightly as I read it: 

‘That was a risky little game. I should stop by your place more often.’

I didn’t exactly laugh out loud, but I was definitely smiling. Jesus, Tanya was definitely in a league of her own. 

“Is that her texting you? Is that why you’re smiling?” 

“No, and shouldn’t you be at work right now?” I scowled as I looked up at my roommate. 

“Oh, fuck!” Angie promptly ran towards the door and slammed it behind her as she went. It rattled slightly and I cringed. That poor door. 

I turned my attention back to the phone and tapped in a message to the “unknown” number: ‘I almost had a fucking heart attack!’

The answer came immediately. ‘Is that so? Well, perhaps I should give you a legit one the next time we meet. See you on Saturday.’

‘See you on Saturday.’ After having send the message, I put the phone down on the coffee table once more. Then I threw my head back and laughed at the absurdity of what just had occurred.


	18. Date

Where does Tammie live?

What does Tammie do for a living?

What is Tammie’s surname?

Which bar did you meet her?

Those were roughly the questions Angie had bombarded me with since Tanya’s surprise visit to the apartment, and I had done my best to answer all of them. Which hadn’t been easy at all. So far, I had told her that “Tammie” lived in Chinatown and was a casting assistant. That had made me chuckle to myself after Angie had left. 

I had furthermore told my roommate that “Tammie” and I met at the Rainbow Bar & Grill. I had seriously been tempted to tell her that “Tammie’s” last name was “Silberstein”, but Angie wasn’t stupid. She was incredibly smart, and she would figure out the truth. So instead I had simply told her that “Tammie’s” last name was “Greyson”. That would undoubtedly make Tanya laugh when I saw her again.

But all jokes aside, I knew that this was risky. Angie knowing about “Tammie” was risky. There was an excellent chance that she would figure out the truth, and then what? Of course I knew that Angie would never deliberately go around and tell everyone about it, I trusted Angie. But I also knew that just one wrong comment at the wrong time was enough to make the snowball roll. And I very much doubted that Tanya was interested in having this broadcasted. And I had no interest in pulling a “Notting Hill” either. It would be pretty disastrous for both of us if everyone was to find out what was going on between us. Ergo, I had to keep the truth hidden from Angie. And I felt shitty about it. Somehow it had been so much easier when Tammie hadn’t been a “real” person. Meaning that it had been easier when she was just this shadowy figure I was casually seeing. Now she and Angie had met one another, and it complicated everything. Tammie was suddenly a real person of flesh and blood, and as the days had passed, I couldn’t help but wonder about the Tanya that had emerged when Angie came home. Had that all been acting, or was that actually genuinely? There were so many sides of Tanya, and I had a feeling that I had met one the last time I saw her. There had been something in her eyes. Something I hadn’t been able to decipher. And I couldn’t stop thinking about it. Couldn’t stop thinking about Tanya in general. Not just the look in her eyes. As much as I had tried to “shake it off”, I hadn’t quite been able to. It was like she was slowly worming her way in...

No. I couldn’t think like that. I wasn’t interested in that. I didn’t need any of that. I had just come out of a three year long relationship, I didn’t need.... this was just a bit of fun. I wasn’t interested in anything else. And neither was Tanya. Period. 

But she still kept me up at night. Well not physically. She hadn’t been in contact since meeting Angie, too risky probably. But she was very much in my dreams in the most delicious of ways. In ways that made me wake up and feel both annoyed and turned on. Tanya was messing up my sleep pattern, and I had every intention of telling her that when I saw her again. She would probably laugh, and maybe just maybe, that was the exact reason I was hoping to get from her. I was looking forward to hearing her laugh again. I couldn’t run from that no matter how hard I tried. 

I shifted a bit under the blankets and tried to find a comfortable sleeping position. Now that I was done hacking up my lungs, I had been looking forward to getting some actual sleep, but nope, no such luck. Tanya was running around in my head. Once again, she was preventing me from sleeping like I deserved to sleep. I felt tempted to try and reach out to her. I still had that number she had used to contact me, in my cellphone, but I was hellbent on not texting her. That would be such a pathetic thing to do. Of course I could wait until I was seeing her again tomorrow night. We were gonna meet at Joy’s, we’d decided. Which still felt completely absurd to think about. Joy. My favorite restaurant. Casual Taiwan food. One hell of a jump from oysters and champagne. The way Tanya practically had ordered me to invite her on a date made me chuckle to myself in the darkness. Her “pushy” attitude was amusing. And strangely endearing. Which I tried not to think too much about. Instead I wondered whether that was a part of her diagnosis. She hadn’t been particularly fast talking the last time I had seen her. Not like she had been at the hotel. Had she been depressed then? I thought about the look in her eyes. Had she actually been depressed? The thought of that made me feel uncomfortable, and I once again acknowledged that Tanya Goldstein wasn’t just all sass and confidence. She had things she battled with. Serious things. I had spent some time googling “bipolar disorder”, and I had learned quite a lot about fluctuating moods. Feeling high and happy and overly confident. And showing signs of “risky behavior”. Obviously, that had lead me to think about what had happened in the elevator that night. Had that been because Tanya had been in the middle of an “episode”? I wasn’t sure. And it wasn’t overly important either. I had consented to everything that had happened in that elevator. That was the most important thing. And yet....

I worried about Tanya. I couldn’t run from that either. I worried about her, and I wanted to be certain she was okay. I sighed a bit as I finally curled into a ball....

It’s a well-known fact that concealer is the best way to hide bags underneath your eyes after a sleepless night and hiding the enormous bags underneath my eyes with a thick layer of concealer was exactly what I did the following morning. Seriously, I look like someone who had emerged from underneath a rock. 

Obviously, I couldn’t count on Angie. She cringed when I stepped inside the kitchen. Asked: “jeez, Mara. Did you spend last night in a dryer or something?” 

“Yes,” I said shortly as I sat down and poured myself a large cup of coffee. “It’s a new thing I do.”

She grinned, but then showed a shed of humanity when she asked: “are you okay? You’re not getting sick again, are you?”

“No, Angie. I am not getting sick again,” I huffed. “I just haven’t slept well. That’s all.”

“Oh,” she said and took a bite of the honey slated slice of toast. “Bummer.”

“Indeed.” I reached across the table and grabbed a slice of toast. I was in the process of spreading butter on it when Angie said: “what time was it you’re seeing Tammie tonight?” 

“Seven,” I said nonchalantly and tried to ignore the flutter of excitement in my belly. 

“Oh right,” Angie nodded. She licked honey off her lip and then continued: “I’m not home tonight.”

“You’re not?”

“Nope, I’m going to Cooper’s for the night, so if you wanna invite Tammie over...” my roommate waggled an eyebrow suggestively. “I won’t be here to complain over any moaning and groaning coming   
from your room...” 

“Thanks,” I snorted. “But we’re not coming back here. We’re probably just gonna hang out at her place or something. But I’m not sure yet. Maybe I’m coming home early.” I really, really hoped I wasn’t. I really wanted to spend the night with Tanya, but coming to this apartment? I definitely did not have the balls for that. My nerves were still completely thin from this Thursday where Tanya unexpectedly had “stopped by”. That had been one hell of a risk, and I considered it to be a mere miracle that Angie hadn’t recognized her. We definitely couldn’t come back to the apartment. The hotel seemed like a much, much safer choice. I mean, why take unnecessary risks?

“You sure? I’m definitely not coming home until after ten-“

“I’m sure,” I said hastily and flashed my roommate a smile. “But thanks though.”

Angie returned the smile. “You know you’re welcome to invite her over anytime you want. She was really nice.”

“You said that,” I teased. “Am I getting some competition?”

Angie scowled and rolled her eyes at me. 

Breakfast was done. So was lunch. The hours flew by fast that day, and soon I found myself squeezing into my ridiculous tight jeans. I had considered a dress for about ten seconds but decided against it.   
We were going to Joy’s. Not really a dress place. But I did opt for one of my nicer sweaters. Bordeaux with a V-neck and made of cashmere. The Christmas gift my mother had bestowed upon me last year. 

Which made me sort of worried about the rather plunging neckline. Exactly what sort of message was my mother trying to send here? That I should let “the girls” out more often? Okay then. I hadn’t worn this sweater before but tonight seemed like a good time to try it. And it actually looked pretty good. Everything was very much on display, but I didn’t actually mind that. And I knew that Tanya certainly wouldn’t. 

But my hair... I sighed as I glanced at my reflection. If I didn’t go further up than to my neck, everything looked pretty damn good, but the hair... oh, the hair! Once again, I silently cursed that hairdresser. 

How could she not know that saying yes when an emotionally unstable person begged you to cut their hair was unacceptable? I scoffed as I attacked my hair with the brush and a palm full of water. Maybe that would be enough to flatten it. Stupid hairdresser. And stupid me. How the hell could I have allowed myself to become that cliché? The type of woman who rushed to the hairdresser to have her hair cut because her girlfriend had broken up? I hadn’t been able to hear how cliché I sounded when I enthusiastically stated that I needed “a change”. Angie had begged me not to do it, and obviously I hadn’t listened. And paid the price when looking at myself in the mirror. 

I abandoned trying to tame my hair. That shit was untamable anyway. I brushed a hand over my sweater and jeans outfit, for a moment panicking a little at the thought of being underdressed. What would Tanya be wearing tonight? Probably something outrageously sexy. She always looked outrageously sexy. Whether she was Tammie or Tanya. The color of her hair might change, but her level of desirableness didn’t. Definitely not. I licked my lips and allowed myself to get lost in the memories of the night we had shared at her hotel. It had been... explosive and hot and ridiculously good. The result of the flirty banter we had kept up. Just the thought of it made something flutter in my abdomen and my toes curl. 

I shook my head and tried to snap out of it. But it was difficult. It would appear that one couldn’t run from Tanya Goldstein when she was already inside your head. Laughing at you. Seriously, ever since her little surprise visit, I had heard her laughter in my head. Which was irritating and pretty wonderful at the same time. I couldn’t wait to see her again. I could admit that to myself. Silently and not out loud. 

I licked my lips again and noted that my palms had gone a bit clammy. Ooops. That was apparently what I got for thinking about Tanya and making myself turned on before we even had dinner. Served me right. 

“Well, I’m off,” I announced as I stepped into the living room. 

“Me, too,” Angie as she lazily stood from the couch. She was wearing a grey sweater dress with sheer stockings and parts of her red hair had been pulled into a messy topknot. And of course she looked drop dead gorgeous. Effortlessly beautiful without even trying. Damn her. If only I had the same ability to casually look gorgeous without even trying. 

“Have a good time with Cooper,” I said as both of us headed into the hallway. 

“Have a good time with Tammie,” she said with a hint of teasing and elegantly crouched down to grab her shoes. Sneakers. Which somehow looked perfect with her sweater dress and stockings. Again, damn her. 

“It’s nice to see you looking all dopey instead of moping around,” she nonchalantly continued. 

“I don’t look dopey,” I denied and grabbed my boots. I grunted slightly as I wiggled my feet inside them and then laced them up. 

“You totally do,” she chuckled and swiped a strand of bright red hair away from her face. “Tammie is making you happy.”

“It’s not like that.” I said automatically as I grabbed my jacket and placed my phone and wallet in the pocket. “It’s just-“

“A ‘casual’ thing. Mmm, I know. And by all means keep telling yourself that if that’s what you need,” Angie said nonchalantly. 

“Angie-“ but before I could get the chance to deny what she was implying, my phone went off in my jacket pocket.

“Saved by the bell,” Angie said sardonically as I fished out the phone. 

Sort of, but not really. Because it was my mother calling me, and a rush of guilt immediately washed over me as I swiped a finger over the screen and brought the phone up to my ear. “Mom. Hey,” I said and made a face. So did Angie. Because she knew I had been horrible at calling my mother lately.

“Mara! I’m so glad I managed to get a hold of you!” came my mother’s chirpy, cheerful voice in the other end. 

“Yeah, but I’m actually standing with one leg out of the door, so...” now I really felt like a shitty daughter. 

“Where are you going?” my mother asked as cheerful as ever.

“I’m just going to Joy’s to meet a friend,” I lied.

Angie snorted and I used my free hand to thwap her on the arm. She grimaced. 

“That sounds nice, honey. Is Lily going with you?” 

Fuck. Why haven’t I told my mother that Lily and I weren’t together anymore? It would have made this conversation so much easier! “No mom, Lily is not going with me. She and I....Uhh, we’re not together   
anymore.” There. Like quickly ripping off a band-aid. And the pain at the admittance didn’t last much longer than doing just that, really. For some reason, talking about the breakup wasn’t as painful anymore. Huh. Weird. 

“Oh, Mara!” my mother said in the other end. “I am so sorry to hear that, honey! I know that she and you were-“

“Yeah well, it is what it is,” I said quickly. “I mean, because of my schedule and hers we barely saw each other by the end of it. It didn’t work, so maybe this is for the better.” Where was that even coming   
from? I had no idea. And Angie raised an eyebrow in surprise as well. I had never complained about this before. 

“I’m so sorry, honey,” my mother said sympathetically. “How are you doing? You must be so upset!”

I wasn’t. Not anymore. Heavens know I had been, but as I thought about the breakup now, I actually felt pretty zen about it. My relationship with Lily had undoubtedly been a good one, but... things had somehow become too comfortable between us. Too...settled. If that was even a thing. As horrible as it sounded, the excitement had faded. Things had become too comfortable and secure. Which sounded horrible because who didn’t want a safe and stable relationship? 

“Mara? Honey, are you still here?”

“Yep. Sorry, mom. I just have a lot of stuff going on right now,” I lied as I wrestled my jacket on with one hand and then left the apartment with Angie. “And I’m okay. Really, I am. I’m not upset. I mean, I was, obviously. But not anymore. I think Lily and I wanted different things for the future, really.”

My mother sighed and I knew what was coming. “Oh, that’s such a shame, Mara. She was such a nice girl.”

Aaaand there it is. The reason why I had been hesitant to tell my mother about the breakup with Lily. My mother had adored her and vice versa. Both of them had squealed like little girls when reunited. I had brought Lily home to Colorado with me many times, and my dad and I had joked that Lily was more my mom’s daughter than I was. 

“Yeah well,” I said halfheartedly. 

My mom didn’t really pick up on my tone. “So Mara, sweetheart, when do you think you’ll come home to Colorado?”

“Uhmm, I’m a bit busy at the moment,” I said, wedging the phone between my ear and shoulder as Angie and I head down the stairs. 

My mom chattered on and expressed how much she and dad missed me, and I felt beyond guilty as I listened and promised to come home soon. I would just have to make time somehow. Though I wasn’t quite sure how. There wasn’t exactly room for family visits in my calendar. 

After a couple of minutes, I said goodbye to my mom and parted ways with Angie. She drove off towards Cooper’s house while I headed towards Joy’s. I had to get a move on now. I didn’t want to be late or anything.

I made it to Joy’s in fine time, and I was greeted by a petite and perky waitress. “Hi! How can I help you?” she asked cheerfully.

“Reservation for Swanson?” I said and managed to sound like I was on my way to get beheaded, and I gnashed my teeth. Was I seriously nervous about this “date”? Come on, Mara.

“Of course!” the waitress- “Wendy” her nametag read- said cheerfully. “Just follow me, miss Swanson!”

That was exactly what I did, and she escorted me to a table in the corner. I plopped down on the chair and glanced around. This was perfect. A corner table was good and private. 

“Would you like a starter or something?” Wendy asked with a bright smile. 

“No thank you, I’m waiting for someone,” I said truthfully.

“Okay then! Just give me a holler when you need me,” she said as she sauntered back up to the counter.

“Right.” I grinned a little to myself. If everyone could show that kind of enthusiasm when being at work, the world would definitely be a better place. I lightly drummed my fingers against the table and   
caught myself glancing at the door. Great. So now I was monitoring the door to see when Tanya arrived. You’ve got problems, Swanson. I had to treat this as another casual encounter. It didn’t mean anything that this particular ‘date’ happened to take place at my favorite restaurant. I drummed my fingers against the table again and sort of wished that I’d had a glass of water or something. Maybe I should fish out my phone and pretend to be texting. I didn’t want to look like an idiot that was sitting in a restaurant all alone. Well, I wasn’t completely alone, there were a couple of other people in the restaurant, but still, I was sitting all by myself, and I didn’t want to look like a dummy. I wetted my lips and tried not to fidget. Acting normal was pretty important. I couldn’t draw attention to myself tonight. Not when Tanya was coming disguised as “Tammie”. If people looked too long at our table, they could find out who she actually was, and she was hardly interested in that. I stretched my neck slightly and looked out of the window again. How was she even gonna get here? I didn’t know that. The only thing she had said had been cryptic. That she would figure something out. Maybe she had a car that drew less attention to herself or something. I chuckled quietly to myself. Imagine having more than one car to choose from. And a private chauffeur. Seriously, I was still baffled why Tanya was interested in hanging out with me. How could I possibly “interest” her so? It didn’t make sense. 

The door to the restaurant opened, and in came Tanya. Well, Tammie for the night. She was wearing a midnight blue dress with a slit up the left thigh and a zipper in the back. The wig was back in place, and her chocolate brown locks were curly and framing her pretty face. Her normal grey eye color had been traded for the dark brown contact lenses. She looked completely different and yet the same. She looked around in the restaurant, spotted me and smirked. Her high heels clacked as she walked towards the little table in the corner. 

“Why hello,” she greeted with a slight drawl but still spoke in a different voice than she normally would. Her voice was softer. Lighter. 

“Hey,” I grinned. Grinned? Seriously? Wow. I was digging myself in deep here. 

“Nice place,” she said lightly as she sat down on the chair across me. 

I raised an eyebrow. “Are you being sarcastic?”

“No,” she said and flashed me a smile. “Not at all. It is a nice place.” she reached forward and grabbed one of the menus lying on the table. “Hmm.” She considered. “Minced pork on rice. That sounds   
good.” She glanced up at me. “You look nice.”

I snorted quietly. “You’ve managed to make me feel completely underdressed.” 

“Oh no,” Tanya said as she put her menu down and looked at me. “You are not underdressed. In my opinion, you’re far too overdressed.”

Did my eyes deceive me, or was she staring at my boobs? I studied her expression for a second, and there was no doubt in my mind. Yep, she was definitely staring at my boobs. Unabashedly and unashamed. And I didn’t mind it at all. But I couldn’t resist to tease her a little. I cleared my throat and said dryly: “my eyes are up here, Tammie.”

“Oh right,” she said without sounding one bit embarrassed about having been caught staring at me. 

I chuckled as I glanced at my menu. “I think I want the wonton noodle soup.”

“Good choice,” Tanya said and licked her lips. “Then I’ll have the minced pork on rice. Should we order?” 

“Yes, lets,” I said and quickly got Wendy the Waitress attention. She came over and briskly asked if we had decided what to order. We had, and so we ordered the food and water for both of us. She wrote everything down on her little notepad and then walked off to get us some water. That didn’t take her long, and soon two glasses of water was placed in front of us. Wendy briskly promised that our food would be there shortly, and then she walked off again. 

“Well, cheers,” Tanya and smirked a little as she raised her glass.

“Cheers,” I said as I did the same. Our glasses of water clinked together, and I wondered if it really could be this simple. 

Tanya took a sip of her water and licked her lips. “So, how you’ve been?”

I chuckled at her attempt at conversing. “I’ve been pretty good. How about you?”

“Busy,” Tanya said with a light shrug. “You know how it is.”

“No, actually I have no idea,” I teased and lowered my voice as I continued: “but I did notice less updates on Instagram from you.”

Tanya smirked. “Worried about me, were you?”

I snorted quietly. “Please. You’re a fine one to talk about worrying. You were worried enough to actually show up at my place, remember?”

“I wasn’t worried,” she denied and took another sip of her water. She licked her lips. “I was curious about how you’ve lived.”

“That’s all?”

“Yes, Swanson. That’s all.” 

“Right. Whatever you say, Gold- ouch!” Tanya had just delivered a warning kick to my ankle under the table. 

“Careful,” she said plainly. 

“Right. Sorry. That hurt like a bitch!” I informed her. 

She bared her teeth in a grin and seemed very satisfied with herself. “Good.” 

“You are an absolute sadist.”

“Thank you.” 

I rolled my eyes. She was impossible. “By the way, if you ever run into Angie again, your last name is Greyson, you and I met at Rainbow bar and grill, and you live in Chinatown.”

Exactly as expected, Tanya laughed. “Greyson, really? That’s very creative of you.”

“It was either that or Silberstein.” 

“Oh good god,” she shook her head and took another sip of her water. “You really are terrible at lying.” 

“Angie wouldn’t stop pumping me,” I defended. “I had to think fast.”

“Mmm, and I bet that was really difficult for you.”

“Shut up.”

But obviously, Tanya didn’t shut up. Instead she laughed heartedly, and then I felt her foot against my ankle again. But this time she was not kicking me. Instead her high heel was sort of brushing against my foot. And it didn’t feel remotely unpleasant. But a bit cliché all the same. 

“Seriously?” I asked and raised an eyebrow. 

“Mhmm,” she said lightly. “Quite seriously.” 

“Did you google ‘cliché things to do on a date’ before you left?” 

She didn’t answer that. She just laughed at me and took another sip of her water, and I abandoned all thought of actually getting an answer out of her. Instead I changed the subject: “who’s watching the kitty cat tonight?”

“Beth.”

“Oh.” Why did that bother me? Why did the mention of Beth’s name bother me? It shouldn’t. It was ridiculous. Beth was Tanya’s assistant. Just that. It wasn’t like it had been with Steph. She and Tanya had had an affair. I was sure about that. Even though Tanya never had said anything. But seriously, judged by what I had overheard in the wardrobe that day, and Steph’s sudden departure, I couldn’t think of any other reason. 

I looked at Tanya and wondered. Wondered about her previous partners and love life in general. That was pretty much the only thing she never had spoken about to the media. Her private life was, well....extremely private. 

I blinked when my foot was nudged under the table. 

Tanya smirked at me. “Are you zoning out on me, Swanson?” 

“No, of course not, Greyson,” I denied. 

She laughed at me and declared: “I’m hungry.”

“Me, too!” I said eagerly. I was pretty much always hungry. 

Tanya chuckled again and spontaneously leaned forward so she could brush her fingertips against mine. 

“Missed me?” I grinned. 

“Of course not,” she dismissed. “I’ve been much too busy to even think about you.”

“That so?” I gave her fingertips the slightest little squeeze.

“Mmhmm,” she leaned back, and her high, sharp heel brushed against my ankle again. I shivered involuntarily at that and earned myself a smirk from her. 

“Do you know how many questions my roommate have asked about you?” I asked just to distract myself. 

“What has she been asking then?” Tanya asked and her eyes gleamed with amusement.

“What you’re doing for a living.”

“Oh?” she raised an eyebrow. “And what did you come up with? Do tell. I’m so curious.”

“You’re in the movie industry,” I told her and grinned broadly.

“Am I indeed?” she smirked and lowered her voice upon continuing: “do I want to be an actress then?” 

“Obviously,” I grinned and waggled an eyebrow at her. 

“Nice.” Tanya shook her head and rolled her “brown” eyes. “Very inventive, Swanson.”

“Thank you, Greyson. I figured you’d like it.”

“Moron,” Tanya said dully. 

“Rude.” I informed her, and she seemed completely delighted at that. 

Wendy The Waitress came down to our table with the food, and Tanya looked positively happy when the plate of food was sat down in front of her. “Thank you,” she said and flashed the waitress a smile. 

“You’re welcome,” Wendy said, returning the smile. “I hope it tastes good.”

“I’m sure it will,” Tanya said and smiled again. 

“Bon Appetit!” Wendy said to both and then walked off again. 

“Flirting with the waitress?” I asked dryly. 

“You jealous?” she teased and grabbed her fork to dig into her food. 

“No,” I said immediately. And did my utmost to ignore that nagging little something in the back of my head. I was absolutely-definitely-not jealous. That would be completely ridiculous. I pushed the   
feeling back and dug into my food instead. It tasted amazing. And Tanya’s food clearly did too. The little sound she let out certainly suggested so. I swallowed hard and tried to keep my cool even though I could feel the tips of my ears turn red. That little ‘sound’ could definitely qualify as a moan, and I had no problem with remembering the last time Tanya had moaned like that... I took a large sip of my water and ended up coughing slightly.

Tanya raised an eyebrow. “Are you planning on choking to death in the middle of the restaurant?”

“Yeah,” I joked and jokingly tapped a finger against my chest. “That’s exactly what I’m planning on doing.”

“That’s pretty dramatic of you,” Tanya dryly observed. “How is your food?”

“It’s pretty damn good.”

“Mhmm,” she took another bite, chewed, swallowed and licked her lips appreciatingly. “I see why this is your favorite restaurant.” 

“What’s your favorite restaurant?” I asked. 

“I don’t have one,” Tanya said lightly and grinned at me. “I’m not as picky as you.”

“I’m not picky,” I immediately denied. 

She laughed and lifted her glass. “Cheers, Mara.”

“Cheers,” I parroted as I lifted my own glass and clinked it with hers. Her eyes sparkled and she smiled at me. 

I automatically smiled back without thinking about it, and then I thought to myself that it didn’t matter whether her eyes were grey or brown. They captivated me either way, and that was dangerous.   
Looking at her for too long was dangerous. I could end up getting lost. I could end up....

No, Mara. None of that. I averted my eyes and looked down, but that didn’t phase Tanya. Once again, I felt her sharp, high heel brush against that soft spot on my ankle where my jeans had ridden up, and I had to take a forkful of food not to gasp at that. How the hell was I supposed to survive this dinner?

We were walking. I wasn’t completely sure how, but once we’d had dinner and I had paid, Tanya had casually suggested that we went for a walk. So that was exactly what we were doing. Strolling down the street like any other two people who had been on a date would do. 

“Thanks for the dinner,” Tanya said nonchalantly and tugged her leather jacket closer together around herself. “It was really nice.”

“It was,” I agreed. “Thanks for asking me to take you out on a date.”

She chuckled quietly. “I did do that, didn’t I?”

“You sure did. Hella unconventional, but pretty refreshing,” I said and copied her movements when I pulled my leather jacket closer together around myself. We were both wearing black leather jackets   
tonight. Only difference was that mine was fake while hers was real and probably had costed more than my college education. 

“So, are you gonna invite me back to your place, miss Swanson?” Tanya asked lightly. 

“Are you crazy?!” I blurted out and immediately felt bad for doing so. I shouldn’t have said that. 

But Tanya seemed unphased. “Rude,” she said with a slight scoff. “I’ve already met your roommate. What would be the harm?” 

“Uhh, it’s risky as shit!” I pointed out. 

“Many things are,” she shrugged. “Doesn’t she go to bed early or something like that?”

“No, she doesn’t. But she’s actually not home tonight. She’s staying over at her boyfriend’s place.”

Tanya smirked at me. “Well then. I don’t see the problem, Swanson.”

“It’s risky” I said vaguely. Right now, I couldn’t see any problems either. 

“So is staying at the hotel. Not to mention incredibly annoying because people keep knocking on my door,” she pointed out. “Staying at your place would be so much more...private.” 

“God damnit,” I said. I could feel how all my good arguments were going straight to hell. 

“Invite to come and spend the night at your place, Mara,” Tanya chuckled. “I promise I’ll be a good girl and be gone before your roommate comes home.”

I scoffed. “Did you seriously just call yourself a good girl?”

“Yes,” she smirked. “And that’s what I’ll be. Or a bad girl, if you prefer.” 

“You are-“

“Incredible?” she offered and bumped her elbow against mine as we walked down the street with no actual purpose. 

I mumbled something incoherent. I didn’t want to give her the satisfaction of agreeing with her. 

But she probably already knew that I agreed. She smirked at me again. “Go on,” she silkily coaxed. “Invite me back to your place. We both know that’s what you really want to do.”

“Do we?” I stalled. 

Tanya raised an eyebrow. “Or we could go our separate ways right now.” she came closer and brushed her elbow against mine. “Because we could definitely do that.”

“We could.” 

“But of course that would require a goodnight kiss,” she continued. 

“It would?” 

“Of course,” Tanya said firmly. “I’m a classy girl, Swanson. I don’t end dates without giving goodnight kisses.”

“Of course you don’t.”

“But of course I don’t give the exact same goodnight kiss every time,” Tanya said lightly. “That all depends on the date. How good it’s been, you know.”

“And what kind of goodnight kiss would you give me after tonight?” I challenged. 

“Well...” Tanya looked me up and down and smirked. She then grasped my elbow and effortlessly steered me into the nearest alleyway. I yelped a bit in surprise, but I was definitely not unhappy with the   
position I was currently in. Not even if the dusty red brick wall left a mark on my jacket. 

Tanya smirked at me again, and then her lips were covering mine. I let it happen and tangled my fingers into her dark hair. It felt exactly as soft and silky as her normal hair did. You couldn’t tell that it   
was a wig. She bit my lip and then used the tip of her tongue to pry my mouth open. Her tongue plundered my mouth and I felt a thigh being slipped in between my legs. I moaned shamelessly into her   
mouth and thought to myself that parting ways with her after being kissed like THIS was out of the question. I couldn’t do that. We couldn’t end the date after this. 

Tanya released my lips with a soft pop and hissed into my ear: “this is how I’d kiss you goodnight, Mara. But it doesn’t have to be goodnight. It could be a promise of...more.” she scraped her teeth against my neck and then she bit my earlobe very, very gently. 

I whimpered. I couldn’t help myself. The way she was biting my skin was driving me crazy, and I could suddenly see Tanya geared up as a vampire seductress. Good god. 

“The fun we could have if you invited me back to your place, Ma-ra,” Tanya purred. “I’ve thought a lot about all the things I want to do to you...” she kissed me again. Took my mouth in a quick, fierce kiss, and I slid my hands down and clutched at her hips. But only for a moment. It didn’t take long before my hands wandered to her well-shaped ass and squeezed harshly. She moaned against my mouth. Her fingers were toying with the zipper on my leather jacket, and later I would wonder if I even would have protested if she stripped me naked and had her wicked way with me right there in that alleyway. 

But right now, I whimpered in pure dismay when she rather suddenly pulled away. “Why the hell are you stopping?” I complained. 

She laughed. “Because someone’s coming.” 

“Oh.” She was right. Now I could hear approaching footsteps too. 

“Saved by the bell,” Tanya joked as I flattened my hair, smoothened whatever creases there might have been on my clothes and did my best to make myself look decent. 

“Your lipstick is smudged,” Tanya drawled as she tugged a lock of hair behind her ear. 

“Your fault,” I growled and wiped the corners of my mouth. 

She snickered amusedly and seemed very satisfied with herself again. 

I shook my head in defeat and once sure I looked half-decent, I said: “come on. An alleyway is hardly a place for a...” I lowered my voice before continuing: “famous actress.” 

“Be quiet,” Tanya said and rolled her eyes. 

I snickered. “Let’s get out of here.” 

We elegantly left the alleyway, and Tanya was jokingly brushing the red brick dust away from the back of my jacket when I spotted two people rounding the corner and coming down the street, heading   
straight towards us. It was two women who was coming towards us. One of them was very tall, had black hair and was wearing a green peacoat. The other one was petite, had chocolate colored hair and was wearing a grey trench coat with an oversized scarf. I had no problem with recognizing her. Unfortunately.

“Fuck no,” I muttered and glanced around like I was trying to find the nearest escape route. I really didn’t want to do this!

“What’s the problem?” Tanya asked. 

“That’s my ex,” I gritted out and side eyed Lily and Ursula as they walked down the street hand in hand. Please go the other way, please go the other way, please go the other way!

“Oh,” Tanya said and stretched her neck to get a good look at the couple. “Which one of them?”

“The tiny one,” I muttered. 

“Really?” Tanya said incredulously.

“Yes, really,” I hissed.

“Huh. Interesting.”

“Why is that interesting?”

“I just figured you’d be more into- no, never mind. I don’t think they’re coming this way.”

She was right. Right before reaching us, Lily and Ursula crossed the street and headed into a nearby Chinese restaurant. 

“Thank god,” I breathed a sigh of relief. “That was close!”

“Nasty breakup?” Tanya guessed. 

“Yeah, guess you could say that. She cheated on me.”

“Ouch. That sucks,” Tanya said and winced. “Sorry about that.” 

“Not your fault,” I said lightly. “But still, breakups stinks.” 

“Indeed so,” she agreed with me and nodded. “It doesn’t matter whether you’re the one to end things. It still hurts, doesn’t it?” 

“It does,” I nodded and looked at her. 

“What?” Tanya said and raised an eyebrow. 

“Nothing. It just sort of sounds like you’ve been through a breakup recently.” 

“That’s because I have,” she said lightly. “There were no winners when Steph and I ended things.” 

“Steph?” I echoed. I had to play dumb and pretend I hadn’t overheard anything that day in the wardrobe. 

“Mhmm. Stephanie. My assistant,” Tanya said quickly. “I suppose it was pretty idiotic to start a thing with my assistant, but it seemed like a good idea at the time.” 

“You and Steph were-“

“Alcohol,” Tanya said dully before I could finish the sentence. “There was a night where both of us had had a bit too much to drink, and one thing let to another and well... you know. Anyway, I thought   
what the hell and decided to give it a shot. It didn’t work out.” 

“I’m... I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be. As I said, it was idiotic. And probably against some sort of rules.” 

“What about Alexander?” I blurted out. 

Tanya raised an eyebrow. “What about him?” 

“Well...” I wetted my lips. “There are so many rumors about you and him having a... past history, and I’m wondering how much of it is true.” 

She laughed now. “None of it is true, Mara. He and I are good friends but that’s all. He’s not my type.” 

“Angie would be heartbroken if she heard you say that,” I teased. “She quite ship you and him.” 

“Does she indeed?” Tanya laughed throatily again. “Well, I’m sorry for busting her bubble, but Alexander lacks a couple of things.”

I raised an eyebrow in disbelief. “Like what?” 

“Breasts,” Tanya said without skipping a beat. “Feminine features, you know.”

“Oh,” was all I could say. Sexuality fucking confirmed. Tanya Goldstein was not bisexual. Tanya was gay. 

“So?” Tanya drawled. “Tell me, Swanson. Will I be going home to sleep alone tonight, or-“

“Come back to my place!” I interrupted. To hell with the risk. 

She laughed pearly. “I thought you’d never ask.”

“I didn’t ask. I’m TELLING you.” And completely spontaneously, I grabbed her hand and almost dragged her towards my car. 

She laughed again. “Such force, Ma-ra. Are we in a hurry?” 

“Yes. We are.” Right now, I just wanted to strip her down and throw her on my bed so I could have my wicked way with her.......


	19. Between The Sheets

Tanya and I headed back to my car. It seemed completely ridiculous that actress Tanya Goldstein was about to enter my old and battered car, but she appeared to be completely at home as she climbed inside and buckled her seatbelt. 

“I should have cleaned in here,” I observed, now realizing that there was old wrapping paper from all the times I had cheated and gone to fast food restaurants left here and there in the car. 

Tanya chuckled, brushed a hand over the skirt of her dress. “It’s fine. My car’s the same.” 

“Which one? The Mercedes or the limo?” I asked a bit sardonically as I inserted the key into the engine. 

“My Buick,” Tanya said lightly. 

“Buick?” I echoed. 

“Mhmm. I have a red Buick Skylark from 1962,” she revealed and suddenly looked a bit yearningly. “I miss driving that thing around, but I rarely have time to drive.”

“I get it.” I twisted the key and the car came alive with a roar. As I maneuvered the car out of the parking lot, Tanya exhaled and leaned back in the car seat. She shifted a bit and I saw a glimpse of a creamy thigh. I immediately fixated my gaze on the road again. I didn’t want to cause an accident. And I certainly didn’t want to die because I had been staring at Tanya’s legs. 

“I’m looking forward to coming back to your apartment,” Tanya said. 

I snorted undignified. “Why?” 

“Because it’s a home,” she said simply. “I don’t have much of a home. I’ve forgotten what it’s like.”

An unexpected breath escaped me. I hadn’t expected such an honest answer. Such a genuine one. I kept seeing glimpses of Tanya The Person under Tanya Goldstein The Actress. 

Tanya flicked a lock of her for-the-night dark hair away from her face and declared: “This wig’s itchy as hell. I’m looking forward to getting it off.” She smirked at me. “Along with other things, I hope.” 

“Are you trying to make me crash the car?” I asked dully. 

She laughed airily. “Feeling tense, Mara?” 

“For some reason, I always feel tense when I’m with you,” I said flatly. 

“That so?” she was smirking now and then she was reaching out and putting a hand on my thigh. 

I swallowed heavily. “Tanya...” 

“I’m not doing anything,” she claimed and snickered. 

“You’re doing something,” I stated. 

“Am I?” she laughed again. Now she was sort of rubbing my thigh. 

“You’re distracting me from driving.”

“So pull over.” 

“And what would happen then?” I asked, eyebrow raising. 

She bared her teeth in a grin. “What indeed?” 

“You are terrible.”

“And you like it,” she said confidently. 

I kept my mouth shut. I couldn’t very well lie about that. I did like her scandalous suggestions. 

She gave my thigh another pat, then moved her hand away. “How’s the work going?”

“Oh, uhm.. it’s going well,” I said slightly surprised at the sudden question. 

“Good. That’s good. What made you want to become a reporter?” 

I shrugged as best as I could behind the wheel. “I suppose I’ve always been curious about other people’s lives. Celebrities’ lives.” 

“Ah,” Tanya said, nodding slightly. “Why Juicy Bits?” 

“Because it’s exclusive. It’s a gossip magazine, but it’s the best gossip magazine. We get all the good stories.”

“Mine included,” Tanya chuckled. “That was some interview.” 

“It wasn’t an interview. You kicked me out,” I remembered.

“And with good right,” she drawled and smiled in the darkness. “You were being an asshole.” 

“And you weren’t?” I shot back and mock scowled. 

She laughed again. “Perhaps I wasn’t having the best of days.” 

I went quiet as I wondered why that was, but then she was shifting again, and I saw a glimpse of her thigh again. Fuck, she was distracting me, and she wasn’t even doing anything. I had a feeling that this little shift had been an accident. A happy accident. And of course she had noticed me staring. “You know, the world won’t end if you touch me, Mara.”

“Are you encouraging me to drive recklessly?”

“No. I’m saying that I’m impatient,” she stated plainly. 

Oh. Shit. I moved one hand away from the wheel and put it on her thigh instead. 

“That’s better,” she purred. 

“If we crash and I accidentally wrap the car around a tree, I’ll totally blame you.” 

Tanya laughed. “Fair enough.”

I mock gasped. “Did you just agree with me?! Impossible!”

“Oh, shut up,” she half-snipped. 

But I laughed. “There’s the Tanya I know. You almost unnerved me for a moment there, Goldstein.” 

“I think you’re easy to unnerve, Swanson,” she accused. 

I raised an eyebrow. “Whatever makes you say that?” 

“You’re literally only touching my thigh, and you’re blushing like a sixteen year old.” 

Feeling called out, I told her: “you know, sometimes you’re a bit of an asshole.” 

She laughed loudly. “That’s why it’s so refreshing to spend time with you.”

“Because I call you an asshole?”

“Yes. Because you’re not all “yes, miss Goldstein” and “no, miss Goldstein”. You challenge me. I like it.” 

I teased her. “So you like spending time with me because I don’t just agree to your every whim? Is that it?” 

Looking ever so amused, Tanya said: “yes. That’s exactly it, miss Manson.”

I laughed at the old joke between us, and before I could stop myself, I blurted out: “I like spending time with you too.” 

“Because you can call me an asshole and actually get away with it?” she teased.

“Oh yeah,” I snickered and gave her thigh a soft little rub. It was barely a touch, really, but Tanya still ‘mm’ed!’ in satisfaction. 

“Now who’s the sixteen year old?” I teased. 

“Shut up,” she growled. 

“What were you like as a sixteen year old?” I asked spontaneously. A totally innocent question, but I could feel how Tanya immediately tensed up. I turned my head to look at her, and her forehead had wrinkled, and her mouth had become a thin line. 

Shit, what did I do? I wondered.

“Unhappy,” Tanya said after a moment of silence.

My mouth dried. There was ‘unhappy’ as in teenage angst, and then there was ‘unhappy’ as in something more severe, and my gut feeling was telling me that Tanya Goldstein hadn’t been unhappy because of just teenage angst. 

“I’m sorry,” I said quietly. 

“Don’t be,” she said lightly. “No harm done.”

I flashed her a smile, and she smiled back, but now I couldn’t help but wonder why Tanya had been an unhappy sixteen year old....

It didn’t take long before we reached the block of apartments where I lived. As soon as the car was parked, Tanya unbuckled the seatbelt and briskly exited the car.

I followed her and tried to wrap my head around the fact that she was about to come into my apartment for the second time. God, it was so surreal!

But Tanya seemed completely unphased by it as she stalked towards the door in her high heels. “You coming, Swanson?” she asked casually over her shoulder.

“Yep,” I said as I quickly got a move on and caught up with her. 

“Good. I thought you had gotten cold feet,” she joked. 

I scoffed. “Hardly.” 

She chuckled as we made it to the street door. I was about to open it, but Tanya was quicker. She opened the door and quipped: “ladies first.”

I snorted slightly. “You are hilarious.” 

“I know,” she said lightly and spontaneously took my hand and gave it a slight squeeze. Her hand was warm and soft, and I found that I quite fancied holding her hand. 

We made it inside and there was no one in the hallway. Tanya turned her head and smirked slightly at me. “We better take the stairs instead of the elevator. Don’t you agree?”

“Not sure,” I said, breath hitching in my throat. “I had some good fun the last time I was in an elevator.” 

“Me too,” Tanya chuckled. “But I prefer a bed. Much more comfortable. Come on.” she elegantly headed up the stairs, and I mutely followed her and tried to keep my cool. Which was hella difficult when   
Tanya Goldstein was walking up the stairs, hips swaying and all. Fucking hell.

“Miss Swanson?” Tanya singsong’ed. 

I pulled myself together and followed her up the stairs. I really had to concentrate on walking in order to not trip and fall spectacularly down the stairs because I had been staring a little too much at Tanya Goldstein’s ass. It would be one hell of a way to go, but not quite what I had planned for tonight. 

“You are falling behind, Ma-ra,” Tanya pointed out with a grin. 

“Yeah. I guess I’m a little too busy enjoying the view.” 

She cackled. “Well, the faster we get to your apartment, the faster you can do more than just enjoy the view, miss Swanson.” 

That did the trick. I quickly caught up with her, and soon we were walking side by side up the stairs. Tanya took my hand again and tangled our fingers together, and once again I was overwhelmed by this surprisingly warm feeling. There was just something about holding her hand. Something intimate. Which was ridiculous because Tanya and I had already covered every aspect of intimacy. 

Three floors later and I could insert the key in the lock and unlock the apartment door. I wrenched the key out of the lock and shoved the door open with a joking: “Welcome back,” 

“Thank you,” Tanya chuckled as she crossed the threshold and stepped inside the apartment. I followed her and once again thought to myself how surreal it was to see her here in my apartment. She looked like she felt completely at home as she slipped off her shoes and looked around in the apartment. “Nice.” 

I snorted in disbelief. “Right.”

Tanya quirked an eyebrow. “Why is it so hard to believe that I actually like your apartment, Mara? Because I do. I like that it looks like someone’s actually lives here. It’s a proper home and not a façade.” 

I couldn’t help but smile at that. 

“So?” Tanya said lowly and bared her teeth in a grin. “Any chance you’re gonna offer me a drink?” 

“Sure.” I opened the fridge, peeked in and then admitted: “I don’t think we have anything else than beer to be honest.” 

“Beer works,” Tanya said lightly. 

“Seriously?” 

“Yes, miss Swanson. I’ve got nothing against beer. And especially when I’m not working.”

“In a can?”

“In a can.”

And so I cracked open a can of beer and served it for Tanya. “There we are.”

“Thank you.” She lifted the can and took a swig of the beer. “Mmm. This is good.”

“Happy to hear that,” I said as I looked at her. Man, she looked fan fucking tastic in that dress. And there was something so utterly sexy about seeing her drink beer straight from the can. I had no idea   
why. 

She lowered the can and smirked slightly as she asked: “you want a sip?” 

“No thanks.”

“Okay.” Tanya sat the can down on the kitchen table and turned towards me. “What do you wanna do then?”

The implication was clear, and it made the breath catch in my throat as I said: “I could think of....one or two things.”

“Oh yes?” Tanya purred, voice dangerously low now. 

“Mhmm.” 

“Care to elaborate?” she husked. “Or should we play twenty questions?” 

“We could,” I snickered. “That could be fun.”

Tanya scoffed. “You are insufferable, Mara Swanson.” 

“If I’m so insufferable, Tanya, then why did you want to come back to my apartment?” I teased. 

The look she gave me wasn’t that easy to read. “Why indeed?” she said quietly. 

There it was again. That alarming warmth that flooded my system so unexpectedly. I swallowed something. I knew and recognized that type of warmth, and it was fucking dangerous. 

“Mara?” Tanya said lowly and lightly tapped her fingertips against my cheek. “Am I gonna spend the evening with a can of beer, or are you planning on coming back?”

I blinked and immediately snapped out of it. 

“Welcome back,” she chuckled amusedly. “Where did you go? Thinking about me again?” 

“Hardly,” I denied, even though she was totally right. 

“Liar,” Tanya said sweetly and tapped her fingertips against my cheek once more. 

“Rude,” I told her.

Tanya chuckled again, and I wanted to wipe that smirk off her face. And luckily, I knew exactly how to do that. I kissed her, and to my utter delight, it came as a surprise to her. She teethered slightly but   
then regained balance and threw her arms around my neck.

This was exactly what I had envisioned doing all night. Kissing her. Having my wicked way with her. I definitely hadn’t had enough the last time at the hotel. I needed more. Craved more of Tanya   
Goldstein. And that honestly worried me. I shouldn’t be craving her like this. I shouldn’t be so... addicted to her. It couldn’t be good for me. But right now I couldn’t bring myself to care. Right now, I was gonna take advantage of the fact that Tanya and I were alone in the apartment. And I did that by deepening the kiss and slipping my tongue inside her mouth. Tanya moaned and I felt her hands slide down my body and grip at my hips instead. I gave her a light little shove. My intention had been to nudge her towards the bedroom, but for some reason, I ended up nudging her against the wall instead. Definitely an accident, but a happy one. And Tanya didn’t seem to mind it. She smirked at me. “So aggressive, Mara.” 

“Oh yeah,” I told her, and then I kissed her again. I wasn’t holding back but let my hands roam all over her glorious body. I cupped her breasts and gave them a slight little squeeze and earned myself a breathless moan at that. Tanya shifted and gripped my hips again. Harder this time. I could feel blunt fingernails dig into my skin, and that only spurred me on. I shifted so I could shove a thigh in between her legs. Not the classiest thing I could have done, I knew that, but I couldn’t wait any longer. I wanted her. And I wanted her right now!

Tanya hissed and broke the kiss. But I didn’t have to mourn the loss of her lips for long before I felt them on the side of my neck. It was my turn to moan because she had found a sensitive spot. 

“Fuck!” I hissed as I momentarily zoned out and surrendered entirely to the sensation. 

She chuckled into my neck, nipped slightly at the soft skin. “Yes, that’s the general idea. Are you gonna invite me into your bedroom or would you rather do it here?”

“Uhh...” right now I was pretty fucking torn. Both suggestions sounded amazing. 

“Here?” Tanya asked seductively and her hands wandered to the zipper in my jeans. “Well, I certainly have no problem with that...” 

That made me wake up, and I realized that she once again was getting the upper hand. Fuck no! I wanted to take control. I wanted to have my wicked way with her tonight. Not the other way around, god   
damnit! I kissed her fiercely once more and pressed her up against the wall once more. That had her moaning again, and the sound was like the sweetest music to my ears. I let my hands explore her body once more. I wasn’t holding back and squeezed her breasts firmly, earning myself another breathy moan from her. Fuck the bedroom, I wanted to do this with her right here and now. I began pawing at the skirt of her dress again, managed to grab a fistful of it and then ruck it up slightly. Not much. Just enough to make me able to slip a hand under her dress and feel....

My brain bluescreened. Nothing. Absolutely nothing. There was no barrier underneath the dress. Tanya was not wearing any underwear. Fucking hell. I could feel nothing but smooth skin and wetness underneath her dress. The breath I had been holding completely rushed out of me when I felt how wet she was, and I had no choice but to break the kiss again. 

“Seriously?” I moaned, fighting the urge to slip a finger inside her and have her against the wall.

Tanya snickered at me. “Surprise.” 

“Are you trying to kill me or something?” I groaned. 

“Perhaps. What a way to go that would be,” she joked. 

“Aren’t they paying you enough money to buy underwear?” I did my best to joke. My throat was completely dry.

“Laundry day,” she huskily joked. “Don’t tell me you don’t approve.” 

Oh, I approved alright. I approved so much! I pressed my hand a little more firmly against her pussy, and Tanya moaned sharply. 

“Go on,” she coaxed with a wicked smile. “Don’t be shy, Mara.”

I did the only thing I could do and slipped a finger inside her. The effect was glorious. Her head fell down to rest on the top of my shoulder, and I heard her curse muffled. 

“How’s the no underwear plan working out for you, Goldstein?” I smirked. Now I felt like I was in a position where I could joke. A position where I had the upper hand. 

“So far so good,” Tanya said through gritted teeth as she lifted her head. “But I’m going to need a bit more convincing than that.”

“That so?” I crooked my finger inside her, feeling how her pussy was gripping the digit. “How about this then?”

“I’m gonna need a little m-more,” she breathed. 

It didn’t take me long to understand what she meant. I lined up a second finger and slipped it inside her. 

“Fuck!” Tanya hissed. 

“Jesus, you’re so wet!” I murmured as I twisted my fingers to make sure they were brushing right against her g-spot with each movement. 

Tanya lifted her head, and I had no idea how she could even be in any position to smirk, but she nevertheless did. “Indeed,” she breathed. 

“That all for me?” I asked boldly as I wiggled my fingers inside her again. 

“Who else?” she asked simply and then she was gripping the back of my head and yanking me closer. She kissed me, and for a moment, I fell out of the rhythm my fingers had built inside her. And Tanya   
let me know that by tugging slightly at my hair. 

I began moving my fingers again and I could feel how the wetness was dripping from her with each movement. Fucking hell, she was so hot! I sped up my movements and in return her muscles were   
gripping my fingers tighter. I could feel how she was starting to tighten around me. 

“Already?” I teased breathlessly between kisses. 

“Shut up,” she growled against my lips. 

“Have you been wanting me all night?” I asked her and took the opportunity to nuzzle my nose against her neck and then biting down gently. 

“Don’t flatter yourself, Swanson.”

I laughed croakily against her neck. “Little hard not to when you’re in my position, Goldstein.” 

“Less talking, more making me come!” she ordered. 

And obviously, I had no problems with that. My mouth found hers again, and as we kissed, I thrusted my fingers harder and faster inside her. Tanya’s fingers were in my hair again, pulling and tugging, and I was starting to feel a little delirious. The way she kissed me. The delicious, wet sounds it made every time I thrusted my fingers inside her. I could feel the effect of it all in my underwear. 

And then Tanya broke the kiss rather suddenly. She threw her head back and for a split second I felt nothing but concern when I saw how hard her head collided with the wall behind her. But then her pussy was clenching hard around my fingers and I forgot everything else. 

“Fuck!” she yelled. She panted out a few more breaths and then I could feel my fingers get coated in her juices. 

“How did that work out for you, Goldstein?” I asked with a smirk. 

Tanya didn’t answer. Instead her head dropped to the top of my shoulder again, and as I stood there and did my best to make sure she stayed in an upright position, I felt that alarming tenderness again.   
That startling warmth spreading rapidly through my body. What the hell was up with that? What was I doing, going around and feeling tenderness for Tanya Goldstein? I shouldn’t be doing that. It was stupid. Stupid, stupid, stupid...

“Well, well,” Tanya breathed as she lifted her head. For whatever reason, she was still capable of smirking at me. “You certainly know how to entertain a girl, miss Swanson.”

“Just doing my best, Greyson,” I teased. 

She rolled her eyes at that. “Your best is certainly... convincing.” 

“So I’ve impressed you?” I asked and teasingly wiggled my fingers that were still buried inside of her. 

“You might ha-aave,” she said, voice breaking under my ministrations. “Now...get those fingers out of me and show me your bedroom.”

“Having trouble with staying upright?”

“Might have,” she said airily. 

I snickered at the admittance and removed my fingers from within her. 

Maybe Tanya’s legs were on the brink of giving in, but you certainly couldn’t see that just by looking at her. She smirked again as she carefully rolled down her skirt and shifted so she wasn’t completely slumped against the wall. “Invite me into your bedroom, miss Swanson.” 

“Tanya would you like to come into my bedroom?” I asked ever so politely and barely holding back my amusement. 

“I thought you’d never ask,” she drawled as she moved away from the wall and took my hand. “Lead the way, miss Swanson.” 

And that I had no problem with doing. But for whatever reason, I found myself squeezing her fingers as I lead her towards the bedroom. And even more startling was it that she was squeezing back. And   
smiling at me. That damned, dazzling, Hollywood star smile. It wasn’t fair. 

We made it to the bedroom, and as soon as the door had closed behind us, Tanya’s hands were on my body. She tugged at my shirt and rucked it up over my head. It landed on the floor and my hair was sticking up, but I couldn’t bring myself to care right now. Tanya gripped my hips and kissed in the valley between my breasts. Then she was tugging at the zipper in my jeans. She had already partially unzipped it, and now she was unzipping it completely and tugging the jeans down my legs. They were so tight my panties came down with them. 

Tanya snickered. “Oops.” 

“They were going to come off anyway,” I said with a light shrug and ran my fingers through my mussed up hair. 

Tanya chuckled again. “Quite so.” 

“Come here,” I growled as I yanked her closer and attempted to tug her down in the bed with me. 

“Give me a second,” she said as she freed herself from my clutches and ripped the chocolate brown wig off. Her own platinum blonde locks sprang free and spilled down her back. She shook her head   
slightly, making her blonde locks dance around her face. “Ahh. Much better.” 

“There’s the Tanya I know,” I chuckled and extended a hand out towards her again. “Now come here.” 

This time she complied and took my hand. I pulled her into bed with me and she ended up on top of me in a mess of tangled limbs. She laughed a little and so did I. And then I bit my lip in order not to   
say what I was thinking. That she was beautiful. That she made me feel something I shouldn’t be feeling. 

Tanya shifted on top of me, reached behind me and unclasped my bra. She threw it away and it landed somewhere. I wasn’t quite sure where, and I couldn’t bring myself to care right now. She kissed me again, wiggled slightly so she was more straddling my lap than anything. Then she was rocking her hips, so we were rubbing against each other. Now I realized that she was still wearing that damn dress   
while I was bare. I fumbled as I sought out the zipper in her dress and without breaking the kiss, I unzipped the dress. 

Tanya was the one to break the kiss, and she smirked slightly when the dress slipped from her shoulders.

“Move,” I said plainly. “I want this dress off of you right now!”

She laughed as she willingly eased herself off my lap. She remained sitting on her knees, though, and that made it so much easier for me to ruck up her dress and finally pull it over her head. 

“No bra either?” I said and swallowed hard. 

“Laundry day,” she teased. 

“Right. I think I love laundry days,” I told her as I moved my hands to her breasts and cupped them. 

It was her turn to swallow, and I saw how she wetted her lips. 

“Lie back,” I breathed as I strummed my fingers over her nipples. 

“You lie back,” she huffed. 

“Nope,” I snickered as I gave her a light shove that send her onto her back. 

She huffed again, but I paid no attention to that as I grabbed her ankles and spread her legs further. “I wanna know something...” 

“What?” she moaned and wiggled on the bed. 

“What’s your favorite position?”

“Oh.” She chuckled now. “Wouldn’t you like to know...” 

“Tell me...”

“Play your cards right, Swanson, and I might just tell you,” she husked. 

I shifted so I was on top of her. Our breasts sandwiched against each other and our pussies pressed together. “I don’t think it’s possible to play my cards more right than I am right now, Goldstein.” 

She smirked. “Depends. You’ve only made me come once, haven’t you? You were so adamant about me lying back, but so far you’ve done nothing but mouthing off...” 

“I’ll give you mouthing off,” I growled as I crushed our mouths together in another kiss. 

She laughed into the kiss, and I felt her legs wrap around my waist. That suited me fine. For now at least. I had plans with her. I slipped a hand in between her legs and found her clit with the tip of my   
finger. 

Tanya moaned into my mouth and I felt her teeth scrape against my lower lip. Our kiss was growing sloppy, but I didn’t care. I could feel how she was tensing underneath me, and I probably could have made her come like this, but that wasn’t what I had planned. Oh no, not at all! I broke the kiss and moved my finger away from her clit, and Tanya growled in annoyance. 

“Patience, Goldstein,” I told her. 

“Still mouthing off,” she shot back. 

I flashed her a big grin. “Funny you should say that...” 

The implication didn’t go above her head, and it was with the utmost satisfaction I saw how her eyes widened and her legs grew limp. I immediately took advantage of her limp stage and freed myself from those possessive legs wrapped around my waist. She didn’t even protest, and I chuckled as I repositioned myself between her legs. Then I grabbed her ankles and spread her legs wider. I wasn’t quite sure what prompted me to lift her ankle and place a light kiss on it. Nor was I sure why I suddenly acknowledged that she had very pretty ankles. 

“Mara!” she growled. “Stop dawdling and fuck me already!”

I could have teased. I could have tutted and tittered because she was being impatient, but honestly, tasting her was what I wanted. Tasting her was what I had been fantasizing about for the longest time, so why waste time on teasing? I lowered my mouth to her pussy and delicately ran my tongue through her wet folds. 

The reaction was imminent. Tanya grabbed a fistful of my short hair and yanked. “Fuck!” 

I smirked as I grasped onto her thighs for better access, and then I slowly ran my tongue through her folds one more time. Tanya cursed again and yanked at my hair. “Fucking hell, Mara! Stop teasing!”

I lifted my head just long enough to tell her “patience”, and then my mouth was back on her pussy. This time I swirled my tongue through her folds with purpose. I licked by her entrance and felt her juices prickle on my tongue. Fucking hell, she tasted absolutely amazing! Addictive. Yes. I could become addicted to having her in my mouth. And I could become addicted to the way she was twitching and gasping underneath me. I pressed the tip of my tongue lightly against her entrance and then slipped inside. And fuck, I could get addicted to that too. 

“Oh yes, that’s it!” Tanya moaned. “Fuck me, Mara!” 

And that was exactly what I did as I curled my tongue inside her and found that particular spot inside her. I could feel how her thighs were trembling on either side of my face, and I reckoned she wouldn’t   
last long. She tugged at my hair again and cried out sharply. I lifted my head just a little bit, and what I was seeing made a flood of wetness pool between my thighs. She had lifted her free hand to her breast and was pulling and tugging at the nipple. 

God, she’s so hot! I curled my tongue once more and moaned at the way she tasted. I could feel how her muscles were clenching around my tongue. She was close, and I wiggled my tongue and thrusted it against her g-spot with a bit more intensity. I wanted to hear her yell again, and it didn’t take long before my wish came true. Tanya cried out again. “Fuck, I’m close!” 

I would have smirked if I could because it almost sounded like she was complaining. I gave her thighs a half-hard squeeze and wiggled my tongue just a little bit deeper inside her, so the tip of my nose was brushing against her clit. That elicited another shout from her and for a second I thought about “Mr. and Mrs. Smith” and how the tables had turned. Now they were the ones who had to listen to us. To Tanya. But honestly, who could complain about that? 

She cried out and I could clearly feel how her muscles were gripping my tongue again. Harder this time, and I knew exactly what that meant. I sped up my movements, and it didn’t take long before I got my reward....

“Mara! Oh fuck, Mara! I’m- aaarh!” Tanya didn’t finish the sentence, but the wail she let out was more than enough. I felt her clench around my tongue once, twice and then the taste of her filled my mouth. The world turned dark and warm and soft around my face. Her thighs clamped down over my ears and I straight up drank from her. Every last drop she had to offer. And what a taste that was! I moaned along with her. How was I supposed to ever get enough of this? I couldn’t. No. We would have to continue all night. 

Tanya groaned and gave my head a light shove. She clearly needed my mouth off of her. She couldn’t take anymore. 

Delighted that I seemingly had exhausted her, I lifted my head and wiped my mouth with the back of my hand. “You taste so fucking good,” I told her as I looked at her. God, she was a vision as she lied there with her blonde hair spread out on the pillow like a halo and her eyes opened but glazed over with arousal. 

“I know,” she said hoarsely. 

I laughed because it was such a Tanya Goldstein answer. “So? Have I earned finding out what your favorite position is?”

“Mmm.... maybe,” she said and even had the decency to smirk up at me. 

“Ass,” I said as I shifted to sit between her legs. I brought a hand up and gave her right breast a light squeeze. 

She didn’t even protest against my comment. Just wagged a finger and beckoned: “Come here!”

She was commanding me, but I didn’t care. I simply complied and shifted to lie on top of her. 

“No-no-no,” Tanya half-chuckled. “Sit, miss Swanson.”

“Okay.” I shifted again so I could sit on top of her. Tanya grasped my hips to encourage me to rub against her pubic bone, and I swallowed thickly at the friction. “Is this... your favorite position?” I gritted out as she rolled her hips.

“No,” Tanya said and flashed me a quivering smile. “But it’s excellent when one is trying to regain one’s strength.” 

“So I have exhausted yo-uuuu!” I failed utterly at sounding casual. The way we were rubbing against each other was nearly driving me mad. 

“Hardly,” she said simply as she lifted a hand from my hip and brought it up to my breast. She circled my nipple a couple of times before giving it a light pinch. 

I responded by grinding my pussy harder against hers, and I could feel how the hand on my breast went limp. Before it could fall away completely, I grasped it and brought it up to my cheek. I didn’t completely understand why. Where did this tenderness come from? What was it that prompted me to move her hand from my cheek to my lips so I could plant soft kisses on her fingers?

And there was that smile again. That big, beautiful starlet smile. Tanya moved her hand away from my lips and pushed my damp locks away from my face. “I do appreciate this view, miss Swanson.”

“Mmm!” I just moaned in response. I couldn’t talk right now. All I could think about was skin rubbing against skin. Wetness mixing and my own impending orgasm. I could feel it already. Could feel it blooming somewhere low in my belly, and now I understand why Tanya had sounded frustrated a moment ago. I didn’t want to come just yet and let go of all these delicious feelings swirling inside me. 

But there was little I could do when Tanya’s hand slipped lower and wiggled in between my thighs. She easily found my clit and began rubbing it. I automatically stopped grinding against her. All I could think about was her hand between my legs. I couldn’t concentrate on stimulating her. 

Tanya smirked up at me. “Are you gonna come for me, Ma-ra?” 

“Yes, yes, yes! Fuck!” I babbled. “Tanya!” 

“Oh yes!” she husked and rubbed my clit harder. “That’s right. You like this, don’t you?”

I nodded furiously. I couldn’t deny that I liked this. All of it. Her hand between my legs. The way she was talking to me. I squeezed my eyes tightly shut. I couldn’t look at her and I bit my lip harshly as I felt myself climbing and climbing towards that edge. Closer, and closer...

“Tanya!” 

“I know,” she said almost soothingly. “Come for me, Mara. Don’t hold back and don’t let me wait. That’s rude.” 

I laughed rather hysterically at that. How the fuck did she manage to sound so fucking calm?! The muscles in my abdomen tightened dangerously, and I yelped something that was between nonsense and   
“Tanya!” as my belly unplugged, and I completely fell apart. Literally. I collapsed on top of her and ended up with my mouth and nose buried in her hair. I was concentrating on trying to breathe normally when I felt her palm skim up and down my back. She was... she was nuzzling me. Soothing me. Something in my abdomen tightened again, but this time for reasons I didn’t quite understand. Or didn’t want to understand. I bit my lip in something that was supposed to be spite, but I was immediately reduced to mush when I felt her hands in my hair. 

“Are you falling asleep, Swanson?” she asked huskily, hand sliding down to my ass and giving it a half-hard squeeze. 

“Hardly,” I said as I with some trouble lifted my head from her chest. “So? Have I played my cards right yet?” 

“You certainly have,” she snickered. “But you appear to be quite exhausted.”

“I am not!” I immediately protested. “Let me prove to you that I’m not...”

She chuckled richly. “You really do wanna know what my favorite positions is, don’t you?” 

“Hell yes!”

“Well, in that case... get off me, Swanson.” She gave me a light shove, and I immediately complied and scrambled off of her. 

“On your back,” she smirked. 

“Yes, Tanya,” I half-mocked as I got on my back. 

She shuffled forward and then she was shifting so she had a knee on either side of my face. “This is my favorite position,” she said lowly. “Think you can handle that, Swanson?” 

“Fuck yeah!” I said as I grasped her ass to tug her pussy closer to my face. Of all the positions in all the world, this was one I had never even dared dreaming of having Tanya Goldstein in. Encouraged by my tugging, she carefully lowered herself until her pussy was in direct line with my mouth. 

I grasped her hips to make sure she stayed exactly where she was, and then I began licking through her folds. Tasting Tanya once had been absolutely fucking fantastic, but tasting her twice was just... I didn’t have words for it. 

Tanya cried out sharply and I noted that she sounded a bit more delirious than she did before. She hadn’t been lying, this was definitely her favorite position. And it wasn’t the last time we were doing this,   
I decided. My fingers dug into her hips as I slipped my tongue inside her and began fucking her with it. I then gave her hips a little squeeze, silently encouraging her to move, and it didn’t take long before   
I felt her hips roll. She began rocking against my mouth, and if that wasn’t the hottest thing in the world, I didn’t know what was. I moved my hands away from her hips and fumbled blindly for a second before succeeding in cupping her breasts. I felt her hands on top of mine. She was guiding my fingers to her nipples, and I immediately took the cue and began rolling the hardened buds between my fingers. She shouted my name loudly and those rocking ministrations sped up. I tugged slightly at her nipples again and for a moment wished that I could see her face. See her reaction to what I was doing. Had she closed her eyes? Was she biting her lip in that ridiculously sexy way? I didn’t really get much time to ponder about that. I was too distracted by how I could feel her reach back and bury a hand between my thighs. I had no idea how she managed to do so in her current position, but I definitely appreciated it!

I curled my tongue inside her again, and she was practically grinding herself against my face while she shouted into the ceiling. I moved my hands away from her breasts. I needed no reassurance that she would stay where she was. Instead I grasped her ass and squeeze the supple flesh firmly, earned myself another shout and a particularly hard rub to my clit. I could feel how I was nearing a second orgasm, but this time I didn’t give in to temptation just yet. This time, I wanted us to come together. I wiggled my tongue, gradually drawing it out until the tip was barely inside her. Then I plunged right back inside and rammed against her g-spot. 

“Oh, fuck! Mara! Do that again!”

Snickering or smirking was not an option right now, so I settled for doing as she asked, and I reveled in the way she shouted my name. Never had my name sounded better than when falling from Tanya Goldstein’s lips. 

I gave her ass another firm squeeze and I swear to god I heard her whimper. Whimper. Jesus Christ. That was quite possible the most erotic sound I had ever heard in all my life. She rubbed my clit harshly once more, and my decision about us coming together faltered slightly. I could feel the orgasm building in my crotch. I could feel myself straining and aching for release. And Tanya clearly could too. She rubbed me harder and faster and I moaned into her pussy. I couldn’t hold back, and I dug my fingers into her ass as I climaxed for the second time that night. 

“Ohh yes,” Tanya purred satisfied upon discovering this. “Come for me, Ma-ra....” 

I was still trembling when I felt her hips lift slightly. Was she trying to scramble off of me? Fuck, no! I growled as I grasped her hips to make sure she stayed in place. 

“Aren’t you awfully exhausted?” she teased somewhere above me. 

No. Fucking. Way. Sleep was for the weak. I began licking her again, and the chorus of moans started a new. She grasped my hands, guided them from her hips and up to her breasts again. She kept her hands on top of mine as I squeezed and kneaded her breasts firmly, and she moaned sharply as she began rocking against my face once more. 

“Ma-ra!” she hissed. “I swear to god, if you don’t make me come right now, I’m gonna-“ whatever else she was going to say was cut short when I plunged my tongue right back inside her and began thrusting mercilessly. Her moans became sharper and rose in volume, soared up to the ceiling like music. Her hands were almost crushing mine, but I didn’t care. I was too focused on the task at hand. Making Tanya Goldstein come like she had never come before.

Did I succeed? My ego was certainly more than willing to believe that when she cried out and became dead weight on my face. She wasn’t moaning anymore. She was screaming. And I was here for it. Here for the way she clenched around my tongue and then spilled over and filled my mouth with the taste of her for the second time that night. My tongue was trapped inside her. My hands trapped underneath hers, and I was starting to struggle to breathe. But somehow, I was capable of forgetting all of it when Tanya said my name like THAT. Like a prayer to the gods. Like I was the answer to everything. 

“Oh my god!” she hissed. Her grip on my hands became lax, and I could feel her legs tremble on either side of my face. Now that my hands were free, I tapped her hip once. I wasn’t trying to be rude or anything, but I was actually suffocating a little. 

“What?” she half-moaned, and then after half a second: “oh.” I felt her shift and then she was scrambling off of me. Now that my view wasn’t obstructed anymore, I blinked slightly, then opened my eyes just in time to see her lie down on her belly. 

I snickered as I wiped my face slightly. “You dead, Goldstein?” 

“No,” she said shortly and lifted her head from the pillow. She brought her fingers up to her eyes and after a second I understood that she was in fact taking out her contact lenses. That made sense. She couldn’t exactly go to sleep wearing those. And I had no intention of asking her to leave now. 

I skimmed a hand up her naked back, and Tanya did a little wiggle that meant her tattoo became visible. I lightly traced the fading ink with the tip of my finger, and Tanya shivered a bit.

“How old were you when you had this done?” I asked curiously. 

“Sixteen,” Tanya replied softly. 

“What does it mean?” I continued. “What’s ‘not today’?” 

She flashed me a teasing little smile. “Could mean a lot of things, couldn’t it? Do I want to take a shower? Not today. Do I want to go to the store? Not today. Am I gonna finish the book I’m reading? Not today.”

“Tanya.” 

She sighed. “I had some issues when I was a teenager, okay? Things were rough, and I wasn’t in a good place. I got the tattoo as a reminder to continue the fight, so to speak.”

“Continue the fight?” I echoed and my eyes widened when I realized what she meant. “Jesus, Tanya, did you... you didn’t try to-“ 

“No,” she quickly interrupted, and I saw a shadow flash over her face. “But I thought about it.” 

I swallowed hard and my voice was nothing more than a whisper when I asked: “Why?” 

Tanya shrugged slightly. “There were many reasons, Mara. My mental health wasn’t very good. I was a fragile teenager, and I was discovering many things about myself when I was sixteen. Me being gay being the dominant thing, and I had people in my life who didn’t like that at all.” 

“Oh,” I said quietly and wiggled a bit closer to her. “Is that... Is that why your pictures on Instagram only consist of you and your co-star?” 

“Yes,” she replied. “I know that things are different here. I mean, it’s Hollywood. A gay actress would hardly be the main story for long, but nevertheless it would raise so many questions if I were to come out. The press-“ she cut herself off and laughed slightly. “No offense, but the press would be all over me and dissect every little aspect of my love life, and I have no particular interest in that.” 

“I get it,” I nodded. Many aspects of Tanya’s life was public, and she was right, the gossip magazines (including Juicy Bits) would be all over her if her sexuality was made public. 

Tanya chuckled again. “Perhaps it’ll be some grand secret I can reveal when I’m seventy five or something.”

“Imagine that,” I said and chuckled too. 

She flashed me a lazy smile. “Look at us, getting personal.”

“Yeah, but you know what?” I said as I raised on one elbow. “I don’t mind getting a little personal with you, Tanya Goldstein.”

She leaned forward and pecked my lips once. “And as oddly as it sounds, I don’t mind getting personal with you either, Mara Swanson. Now...” she shifted and then she was nudging me onto my back. 

“What are you doing?” I laughed as she straddled my waist. 

“Oh, I’m just.... getting personal,” she smirked. 

And with that she slowly began kissing her way down my body, and my world shrank until it only consisted of Tanya Goldstein and the things, she was doing with her mouth......


	20. Not your typical morning

“Urgh.” 

Unintelligent as hell but yet somehow still the first word that found way out my mouth the next morning. I blinked a couple of times and then slowly turned my head to the side. 

Tanya was lying on her stomach. I could very clearly remember that she had been complaining about my bedroom being cold last night. She had pulled the covers over herself in a rather dramatic fashion. 

But now the covers had been kicked away and she was lying gloriously naked. Her platinum blonde hair was a complete mess and covering most of her face. I snickered and acknowledged that unexpected surge of warmth that suddenly coursed through my body when I looked at her. Tanya didn’t look like a fancy actress right now. She just looked like any twenty eight year old who’d had a long night. And I liked having her in my bed. Shocker. I wiggled a bit in the bed and propped myself up on one elbow to get a better look at her. Her tousled hair. Her pretty face. Those perfect lips anyone would envy. I did too. But I was also thinking about just how ridiculously kissable those lips were. How I had kissed them last night. Studying them a bit more intensely, I noted that they actually were a bit swollen. I smirked a bit and felt every bit like a smug bastard. I couldn’t help it. 

I continued my “inspection” of her body. Wondered what sort of insane gym program she had to follow in order to get such a muscular back. Maybe it was all that swimming. I knew how much she liked swimming. My gaze slipped lower. That glorious ass of hers. Another perfect body part to be envious of. Seriously, how many squads did one have to make in order to achieve such a perfect ass? Before I could come up with an answer to that, Tanya mumbled something incoherent in her sleep and then shifted slightly. Her thigh ended up sort of draped over my hip, and this new position meant that I got a good look at her tattoo. “Not today”. Now I knew exactly what that tattoo meant, and my throat tightened unexpectedly. Tanya had considered suicide. I didn’t know exactly what had happened when she was sixteen, but I did know that the thought of it made a rush of tenderness flood my system. Last night I had yet again seem glimpses of another side of Tanya Goldstein. A far more vulnerable side. A side that had been joking around before telling me the actual meaning of her tattoo. I didn’t have to think long about it in order to know that she probably hadn’t told a lot of people about the meaning behind her tattoo. But she had told me. Me. 

As I looked at her, I silently acknowledged that there was more to Tanya Goldstein than what I first had assumed. She had so many layers. Her life wasn’t a walk in the park. It was complicated like most lives where. I had to stop making assumptions about other people. I had to check myself and acknowledge that the media rarely told the full story. There was more to Tanya than just sass and witty remarks. I was sure she had hidden pockets of insecurities. 

I licked my lips. The more I saw of her, the more I liked what I saw. And I didn’t know what to do with it. I didn’t know what to do with this newfound tenderness I had for Tanya Goldstein. Wasn’t I just being dumb? Maybe asking her to come back to my place had been a bad idea. Somehow it made everything come too close. It was too... intimate. 

Look at us getting personal.

I swallowed something. That was what Tanya had said last night. And what had my response been? I don’t mind getting a little personal with you. I hadn’t been lying. I hadn’t. But now I couldn’t figure out what to do with the warm feeling swirling low in my belly.

I stretched my neck, looked past her and glanced at the alarm clock. The red numbers informed me that it was 8:45 in the morning. Jeez, what I was doing being awake this yearly in the weekend? It was fucking unnatural. Maybe I should try and get some more sleep. We had time for that. There was time for more sleep. 

But before I could pursue the idea of more sleep, Tanya stirred next to me. I watched her intensely as her eyelids fluttered. She stirred again, sighed as though she was reluctant to leave the world of sleep but had no choice. She blinked slightly and then opened her eyes fully. The smile she flashed me was sleepy, and her voice was rough when she said: “are you watching me sleep?” 

“Well, I-“

“That’s creepy,” Tanya interrupted and covered her mouth as she yawned. 

I chuckled because she was right. Watching her sleep was a pretty creepy thing to do. 

“Mmm, what time is it?” Tanya asked and pushed locks of platinum blonde hair away from her face. 

“Eight forty six,” I told her. 

“Oh. Well I suppose I better get out of bed-“ she yawned again and then continued: “I have somewhere to be at eleven, and I might need a bit of time to make myself presentable.” 

“Where are you going?” I asked and neglected to tell her that I found her to be a hundred percent presentable like this. All tousled and bright eyed. 

“Brunch at Spargo with Mr. Richardson,” Tanya yawned as she grabbed a handful of the covers and pulled it over herself. 

“And who’s Mr. Richardson?” I asked curiously. 

Tanya flashed me a smile. “Wouldn’t you like to know.”

“As a matter of fact, yes, I would like to know.” 

She laughed airily. “It’s confidentially, my dear reporter.” 

“Right.” I tried not to let that get to me. 

“But since this is off the record,” she continued and let her fingers wander up to my hair. She began playing with the short locks as she said: “Mr. Richardson is an instructor. He has plans about making a movie about a rich heiress. I think he’s planning on shooting the entire thing in black and white to make it look like one of the 1940’s Ingrid Bergman movies. That’s all I can tell you.” 

“And he wants you?” I guessed. 

“We’ll see,” Tanya said lightly. “I haven’t formally auditioned for the part.” 

“Well, why wouldn’t he want you?” I said plainly. “You’re an awesome actress. I could definitely see you play a rich heiress from the 1940’s.”

She chuckled. “Thank you, Mara.”

She kept playing with my hair and that could almost have sent me off to dreamland again. To stay awake I asked: “does that mean there won’t be a third season of Love Me Not?” 

“I don’t know,” she said with a light shrug. “Depends on whether it’ll be renewed or not.” 

“You don’t sound overly concerned,” I observed. 

“That’s because I’m not. I love playing Celeste Bellamy, but if there isn’t gonna be another season, then there won’t be another season. That’s just how it is. That’s why it’s a good idea to explore other options.” 

“I get that,” I nodded. “But I still hope for a renewal, though. I love that show!”

“Don’t we all,” Tanya teased lightly and gave my hair a slight tug. 

“Ouch! Watch it, Goldstein!” I said dramatically. 

She rolled her eyes. “And the award for worst actress goes to....” 

“You’re an asshole.”

“Mmm, so you keep saying,” she said unphased. “And yet you keep seeking out my company.” 

“You were the one who invited yourself back to my place.” 

“I gave you every opportunity to say no and you didn’t,” Tanya pointed out and her blunt fingernails scratched lightly against my scalp. “You appreciate my company, Swanson.” 

“I do not,” I said without an ounce of truth in my words. “I actually can’t stand you.”

She laughed pearly once again. “I can’t stand you either.” 

“Good.” 

I laughed as I leaned in and kissed her lightly on the lips. Just because I could. I moved a hand down so I could caress the thigh she had slung over my hip in her sleep. 

Tanya snickered. “What are you after, Swanson?” 

“Nothing,” I said innocently as I rubbed my palm over her hip. 

“Liar,” she chuckled. 

“I never lie.”

“Everybody lies,” Tanya stated matter of factly as she playfully pushed my hand away from her hip. 

“Tan-“

“And everybody is certainly always after something,” she chucklingly interrupted as she grabbed my thigh and slung it over her hip, so our positions were reserved. 

I couldn’t quite hold back a gasp. “And are you after something right now?” 

The smile she flashed me was big and genuine and not forced at all. “Yes, Mara. I certainly am.” She slipped her hand from my hair and to my abdomen, lower still until her fingertips made contact with the   
place where I was still sticky from last night. I gasped again and swallowed back something between a moan and a funny remark. 

Tanya smirked at me as she teasingly slipped her fingers through my folds. “How long before you’ll get wet for me again?” 

“Not... long,” I said strained and through gritted teeth. Why bother lying about that?

“Really?” Tanya said with feigned surprise. “Wasn’t last night enough for you, Swanson?” 

I had to bite my lip not to reveal how fucking addicting her touches was. It didn’t take long before my body started to react to her touches, and I groaned as I felt myself getting wet again. 

Tanya chuckled and sounded every bit like a villainous ice queen from a thriller. She sounded ridiculously sexy when she did that, and it definitely didn’t help with my current state. 

“That didn’t take long,” Tanya observed and leaned in just a little so she could nip playfully at my shoulder. “Tell me, Mara.... do you want me to do something about it?” 

“Yes!” I hissed. 

“What would you like me to do?” she seductively purred into my ear. Her fingers were playing with my clit now. Lightly dragging over it. Not effective enough to make me completely delirious, but certainly   
effective enough to make my toes curl and my abdomen tingle in delicious expectation. Effective enough to make my pussy clench around nothing and my body sigh after more. It was quite frustrating, really. Those feather light touches that were almost-but-not-nearly-enough. 

“Tanya!”

“Mmm?” she drawled as she took my clit between two fingers and gave it a light pinch. “Did you want something?”

“Fuck y-you!” 

She laughed. “No, Mara. Quite the reverse, actually.”

“I hate you!”

She hummed. “Sure you do. I can really feel the hate right now.”

I moaned as I felt myself growing slicker and slicker between my thighs. My clit was throbbing, and my muscles was clenching around nothing. I felt ridiculous for whining, but nevertheless, that was   
exactly what I caught myself doing. 

Tanya chuckled into my ear, murmured something about how “delightful” she found my company to be, but I’d had enough of her games. I was delirious enough to actually plead: “Fuck, just-“ but maybe pleading wasn’t necessary when it came to it. I interrupted myself and moaned when I felt the tip of her finger breach my entrance. 

“Something like that?” she drawled almost lazily. 

“Yes!” I hissed and squirmed in an attempt to make her finger slip inside me. 

“Stay still,” she said, clicking her tongue in mock dismay. 

“No!” I said and wiggled again. I managed to grind myself against her finger, and that seemed to do the trick. Tanya slowly slipped a finger inside me, and my jaw instantly dropped. I wasn’t free of feeling   
just a little bit sore after last night, but it was a delicious kind of soreness that made my head spin. 

“You look so pretty like this,” Tanya purred as she slowly began to pump her finger. “If I didn’t know any better, I’d say you were completely at my mercy right now.”

“Never!” I growled as I clasped my hands in her hair and pulled her down for a kiss. Our mouths crashed together in a kiss, and I felt beyond satisfied when I heard Tanya moan. The kiss spurred her on,   
and I felt her slip a second finger inside me. I ended up doing what she had done to me last night. I bit her lip. An accident, but a happy one. Tanya hissed a bit and I felt how her fingers went lax inside me for just a moment. Long enough for me to break the kiss and tell her: “don’t you dare fucking stop!”

“Do I strike you as the type of person who would do that?” she asked nonchalantly as she began wiggling her fingers again. 

I didn’t answer. I couldn’t. I could only focus on her fingers and the way they were rubbing against my g-spot, making me wetter with each steady thrust. The pace was different from last night. Slower.   
Gentler. Meant for a lazy morning like this one, and I found that I appreciated that just as much. Sure, I liked fast and hard like it had been last night, but this slower and gentler pace definitely did things too. As did the way she looked at me. Looked into my eyes. It was the kind of look that made my belly quiver. The kind of look that made me feel....naked. Not in the traditional fashion like I already was but bared to her. Like she was capable of looking right through me.

She couldn’t. I squeezed my eyes shut. Of course she wasn’t capable of looking right through me. That was ridiculous. I was just being dumb because being with her here, in my own home was so different from being with her at the hotel. It made things so... real. 

And what else was real was the blooming heat I could feel low in my abdomen. The way my pussy was starting to squeeze around her fingers. It should have been impossible for me to be able to come again after last night, but here I was, on the brink of having another orgasm. 

“Are you having a good morning, Mara?” Tanya asked, and it occurred to me that neither of us had spoken for a while. No funny remarks, no friendly slanging match. Just intense silence between us. A silence Tanya was now breaking with a quip, and I was grateful. Even though I couldn’t answer. I could just groan and pant as I felt myself getting closer and closer. 

“Let’s make it a really good one,” Tanya said half-jokingly as she finally picked up the pace and thrusted her fingers faster and faster. 

“Tanya!” I grappled blindly to find something to hang onto, and that something just so happened to be her shoulder. I squeezed and dug my fingers into her soft flesh. 

“That’s right,” she cooed. “Come for me, Mara!” 

I fought valiantly. I really tried my best not to unravel right away. But there was no stopping the inevitable. Her fingers relentlessly thumping against my g-spot, her honeysweet voice in my ear. She was gasoline and I was the bonfire. I clung onto her tightly as I was shoved over that edge. My pussy clenched around her fingers and then I was spilling over exactly like I had done several times last night. Completely delirious and with Tanya’s name on my lips. 

Tanya kept feeding my orgasm with each steady push of her fingers, one-two-three, one-two-three, until I groaned and pushed at her wrist. Tanya was quick to catch on, and she gently slipped her   
fingers out of me. My eyes were still squeezed tightly shut, but what I could hear told me, that she was licking her fingers clean. Had I not been utterly spent and exhausted after last night, that could easily have turned me on all over again. 

She gave me a nudge. “Are you dead, Swanson?” 

“No,” I said shortly and tried to lift my thigh off of her. I didn’t succeed. “Shit.” 

“Can you even feel your legs?” she teased as she took matters into her own hand and eased my thigh off her hip. 

“Of course I can feel my legs,” I said and did my best to sound snippy. Even though I actually sort of couldn’t feel my legs right now. 

Tanya chuckled huskily. “Well, you better regain your strength soon, miss Swanson.”

I cracked one eye open. “Why?” 

“Because you’re going to make me coffee.”

I opened both my eyes. “I am?” 

“Yes,” Tanya said simply and then she laughed. “As far as I can recall, I gave you a full breakfast when we were at the hotel. I don’t have time for a full breakfast today, but I expect you to be decent enough to make me some coffee. I have a long day ahead of me, so I’m going to need it.” 

I grinned at her. “Are you telling me that you’re tired?” 

“No. I’m telling you that I’m expecting you to know how to treat a girl.” Tanya smirked at me and pushed a lock of blonde hair behind her ear.

I wiggled a bit closer to her. “You’re sure it’s coffee you want? Nothing else?” I delicately let my hand skim up and down her thigh. 

“Yes, miss Swanson. Coffee is what I want,” she said as she brushed my hand off her thigh. 

“You’re too tired for more sex,” I teased her. 

“Just go and make me some coffee.” 

“Okay then,” I mock-surrendered, knowing that I had hit the bull’s eye. She was definitely too tired for sex. That’s why she had switched our positions earlier. “I’ll make you coffee.”

“Good girl,” she teased and ran her fingers through her hair again. 

I scowled. “Seriously?” 

“Incredibly.”

I shook my head as I sat up in bed. “You are unbelievable.”

“Yes, so I’ve been told,” she said completely unbothered. 

I grumbled under my breath as I somewhat reluctantly got out of bed and stumbled over to the door where my bathrobe hung. I shrugged the baby pink fuzzy material on and tied the robe around myself. 

“Nice,” Tanya chuckled. 

“Shut up,” I sneered without much bite. 

“No-no, I’m quite serious. You look nice,” she assured and rolled onto her stomach. “Positively endearing.” 

And she looked positively sexy the way she was laying on her stomach with her elbows planted on the mattress and head resting in her hands. Her blonde hair was cascading down her back, and I felt a hundred percent tempted to crawl back to bed with her. 

“I’m thirsty,” she teased, and I sighed as I turned my back on her, opened the door and slipped into the hallway. And after hearing a teasing “drafty!” from her, I made a point of closing the bedroom door very slowly. 

I chuckled to myself as I went into the kitchen and headed straight to the coffee machine. I was definitely starting to appreciate Tanya Goldstein’s humor more and more. Mostly because it was so similar to my own. I had always had a weakness for sarcastic humor, and it was refreshing to come across someone who had it. Lily hadn’t. Most of the times she had given me this genuinely confused look, and at other times it had ended in miscommunication and arguments between us. 

I glanced back at the closed bedroom door and caught myself smiling. I scoffed quietly. Was I some kind of idiot? Had I turned into Dopey the Dwarf overnight? Or was I seriously smiling ridiculously because of Tanya Goldstein? 

Yes. No. Maybe. Possibly. No. Definitely not. Nu-uh. There was of course a completely rational explanation for my dopey smile. I’d just had sex. I felt good. I was satisfied. It was about endorphins and all that. Just that. 

I pursed my lips as I began making the coffee. After a moment I pressed the button, waited a second, and then the old coffee machine started crackling and groaning as though it was protesting against making coffee. That coffee machine was some old junk. Maybe it was time to buy a new one. But I knew deep down that it wouldn’t be enough to just buy a new coffee machine. The coffee machine wasn’t the only thing that was old. The apartment could use some sprucing up. Maybe we should give it a one-over with some painting. If our landlord allowed us, that was. He probably wouldn’t. He was an old and stubborn bastard. And he definitely did not like change. I scoffed quietly to myself once more and rolled my eyes slightly. Tanya liked the apartment. She had said so herself. How could she possibly like our little cramped apartment? That didn’t make sense. But then again, there were many things about Tanya Goldstein that didn’t make sense. What she wanted with me, for instance. That definitely did not make a wink of sense to me. I ran my fingers through my hair and didn’t need a mirror to know that it was sticking up. It probably looked like a haystack. I was surprised that Tanya hadn’t laughed her ass off. And I was also slightly annoyed that she managed to look perfect even with messed up hair. Maybe that was some kind of talent actresses had. Looking good no matter the situation. I suddenly remembered that scene in ‘Love Me Not’ where Tanya had a scene in the rain. She got soaked, and she still looked incredible. Devastatingly beautiful, in fact. 

I snorted. Maybe I should concentrate on pouring the coffee instead. That would be better. 

That was when the door to Angie’s room opened unexpectedly, and I yelped at the sudden sound and nearly dropped the cup I had just found. I turned around and came face to face with my roommate. 

“Good morning,” Angie said lightly and did nothing to hide the yawn erupting from her mouth. 

“Uhh, good morning,” I said half-heartedly and tried to get it to make sense. Angie was supposed to come home sometimes around ten. Not now. And yet here she was. She was fully dressed in jeans and   
a tanktop, but her hair was a bit tousled. When did her plans change? Maybe Cooper had an early morning shift or something. That sometimes happened. 

“Aww, are you making coffee for me?” she cooed and chuckled. 

“Knock yourself out,” I said with a shrug. I had made plenty of coffee. 

“Great. Thanks. Move it,” she laughed as she shoved me aside and reached for the cups. 

I on the hand sat the cup down and rubbed the back of my neck. “Did you just get home?” 

“Nope,” Angie said and poured herself a solid cup of coffee. 

Okay. Interesting. “When did you get home then?” I asked nonchalantly. 

“Oh, around twelve last night. Cooper suddenly had to go to work, and I didn’t wanna hang out at his place.”

“Okay.” I let silence envelope our little kitchen and concentrated on pouring some coffee into that cup. 

“I had sort of counted on getting some sleep, but it was pretty hard with all that noise coming from your room,” Angie said and thereby confirmed what I already knew. I felt every bit ridiculous, but I couldn’t do anything about the blush rising in my cheeks. 

“I should have let you know that I had come back, but I didn’t think you’d be here,” Angie continued. “You said that you wouldn’t be here.” 

“Change of plans,” I said halfheartedly. 

“Yeah, I bet,” she said and took a sip of her coffee. After carefully having swallowed, she sat the cup of coffee down on the table with a slight click. I had no choice but to look at her. She looked both mildly irritated and very, very curious. “I’m not usually one for listening in. And definitely not to THAT kind of thing-“ she made a face. “But as I said, I had no idea you were here.” 

“Right,” I said incoherently and felt tempted to look away. 

“And it was pretty impossible to not notice that you didn’t at any point say “Tammie,” Angie said dully. “You said “Tanya”. A lot. Seriously, forget ‘the little death’, it sounded like she was murdering you big time-”

I groaned. “Can’t you just get to the point, Angie?”

And so Angie did. “There is no such person as ‘Tammie Greyson’ is there?” 

My mouth felt dry. “No. There isn’t.” 

“Because ‘Tammie Greyson’ is actually Tanya Goldstein, isn’t she?” 

Lying to her was pretty fucking useless at this point, so I said the only thing I could say. “Yeah.”

“Holy. Shit.” 

“Angie-“ 

“You’re SEEING Tanya Goldstein!”

“Angie-“

“And you didn’t tell me! How could you not tell me?! How long has this been going on?! Oh my god, it’s been going on since she returned your shirt, hasn’t it?!” 

“Angie please-“ 

“You!” she interrupted and poked me in the chest. “Been lying to me, Swanson! And I could absolutely kill you for it! And for screaming like a banshee and traumatizing me for life last night...”

“I wasn’t screaming like a banshee.” 

“Ha!” Angie barked out a laugh. “I’m surprised you even have a voice considering how long you were screaming for Tanya!”

“Could you not,” I begged and closed my eyes whilst grinding my teeth. 

“Is she still here?” 

I opened my eyes again. “Angelica...”

“Oooh, she totally is!” Angie exclaimed and stared at me like I had grown an extra head. “Isn’t she?!”

“Ang-“

“Isn’t. She?!”

“Yes!” I hissed. “Yes, she’s still here, okay? Now be quie-“

“Mara Swanson, I swear to god, you are one-“

“Angie, shut up!” I begged, finally interrupting her. “Just... shut up. You had your moment, okay? Calm down.”

“How am I supposed to be calm when Tanya freaking Goldstein is in our apartment?!”

“Because you have to!” I hissed. “Look, I don’t.... I don’t know how she’ll react to this. No one was supposed to know.” 

Angie immediately grew serious. “I hope you know that you can trust me, Mara. I am sure as hell not gonna tell anyone about this. Not in a million years.” 

“I know that,” I sighed. “I’m just... I hadn’t expected you here right now.” 

“Maybe we should get better at texting when we change our plans,” Angie half-chuckled and then waggled a finger in my face. “I’m still pissed at you for lying to me, but I’ll let you off the hook for now   
because she’s here. So go on and bring her that coffee before I change my mind.” She gave me a nudge.

“Right.” I grabbed the cup of coffee and trotted back down the hallway. Shit. Shit, shit, shit! Angie knew. Fucking hell, I hadn’t anticipated that. How was I supposed to know that she had changed her plans and had come home?!” Fuck. I gave the door a soft kick and slipped inside. 

Tanya appeared to be asleep again. She definitely didn’t react when I sat the cup of coffee down on the nightstand. I had to give her a nudge. “Hey? You awake?” 

She immediately stirred and lifted her head. “Yes. Of course.” 

“Right,” I said with a slight chuckle but then sighed as I sat down on the edge of the bed. “There’s been an, uhh... development.”

“What kind of development?” Tanya asked as she grabbed the cup of coffee and took a sip. 

“My roommate is here.” 

“Okay?” Tanya said and raised an eyebrow. “And so?” 

“She... Well, she came home last night,” I said. “While you and I were...” 

“Loud and busy,” Tanya calmly finished the sentence and took another sip of her coffee. 

“Yeah.” 

Tanya took a deeper sip of her coffee and I was flabbergasted when she chuckled lightly. “Well, shit,” she said simply. “That is one hell of a development.” 

“Yeah,” I said again and tried to gauge her reaction. She didn’t appear to be pissed off or anything. 

“Well, I suppose we took a risk in coming back here,” Tanya mused. “Can she keep her mouth shut? Because I’m not about to escape via the fire stairs.”

“We don’t have fire stairs.” 

“You don’t? That’s pretty impractical if this place ever burns. You’ll be stuck.” 

“Thanks. Real helpful, Tanya.” 

She chuckled again and drained her cup of coffee. “My point is that I’m not interested in scurrying away like a criminal. So. Can she keep her mouth shut or not?” 

“She can,” I said immediately. “Absolutely.” 

“Good,” Tanya said lightly and put the now empty cup down on the nightstand. “Thanks for the coffee.” 

“You’re welcome,” I said and watched as she got out of bed. She stretched her arms above her head for a second, muttered something about being dumb for not wearing any underwear last night. Then   
she picked her dress and wig up from the floor. She cursed slightly as she looked at the state the wig was in. “Well, I’m sure it can be brushed out. Somehow. Do you have an extra robe or something?” 

“Uhh, there’s one in the closet.” 

“Perfect.” She opened the closet and found my “spare bathrobe”. A grey that didn’t look particularly good on me but excellent on her. Tanya shrugged it on, ran a finger through her hair and looked at me over her shoulder: “mind if I borrow your shower?” 

“Not at all.” 

“Great. Won’t be long.” She looked at the crumpled dress she was holding between her hands. “Tell you what, do you have a pair of jeans and a sweater I can borrow? I can’t go around in this crumpled thing.” 

“Help yourself,” I muttered and nodded towards the closet. 

“Thank you.” She roamed through the closet and I saw a glimpse of something blue and the faintest peek of what appeared to be a pair of very old leggings. And a belt. She slung the lot over her free arm and held the wig in one hand. She glanced at me and smirked. “You should have some breakfast, Mara. You must be absolutely famished.” With that she gave the door a soft kick and left the bedroom. I heard her pad down the hallway, open and close the door to the bathroom. There was a bit of pottering around and then I heard the sound of water switching on. I stood motionless in the middle of the bedroom while I tried to process what just had happened. Tanya appeared to be remarkably unaffected by Angie’s knowledge. It didn’t even seem to be a problem for her that my roommate knew. 

Curiouser and curiouser. Shouldn’t it be a problem for her? 

I shook my head. I officially had no idea how to read Tanya Goldstein. She never quite reacted how I expected her to react. 

Completely puzzled, I left the bedroom and went back to the kitchen where Angie now was sitting by the table with a cup of coffee and a bowl of oatmeal. 

“Did she get pissed?” my roommate asked immediately and looked concerned. “I really wasn’t trying to-“

“She didn’t get pissed,” I said quickly and soothingly. “She was actually remarkably calm about it.” 

“She was?” 

“Yup.” 

“Wow,” Angie said plainly. 

I silently nodded and agreed. ‘Wow’ was a pretty good way to describe this unlikely morning. I grabbed my own now lukewarm cup of coffee and took a sip of it. I should probably have some breakfast with that, but I couldn’t eat anything right now. My stomach was too full of... Well, I had no idea what my stomach was full of right now. I just knew that this was one hell of a morning. 

Angie chitchatted while I drank my coffee and I suspected that she was just as surprised as I was. I did my best to reply, but it was hard to focus when I could hear the water being switched off. After a few more moments, the bathroom door creaked open, and Angie abandoned all attempts at conversation and glanced towards the hallway. 

“Angie,” I admonished through gritted teeth. “Stop staring.” 

“I’m not staring,” she denied and kept looking towards the hallway. 

“You totally are!”

“I am not!”

“You are! I can literally see you-“

“Staring at what?” Tanya asked as she nonchalantly came into the kitchen. Her blonde hair was wet and tied back in a low bun. She was wearing a pair of black leggings and that ridiculous blue men’s shirt I had stolen from Cooper a few months ago. The shirt looked ridiculous on me, but it was comfortable. That was why I had stolen it all those months ago. But it didn’t look ridiculous on Tanya. Definitely not. She had cuffed up the sleeves to her elbows and paired the shirt with one of my old black leather belts and black leggings. She looked extremely attractive in this “casual” attire. 

“Good morning,” she said lightly to Angie.

“Hi, miss Goldstein,” Angie said meekly. 

Tanya laughed a little. “Tanya’s fine.”

“Tanya,” Angie amended and looked like she could burst a blood vessel at any given moment. 

Tanya combed her fingers through the chocolate brown wig. She had clearly managed to fix it a bit in the bathroom. “Can you keep your mouth shut?” she casually asked Angie. 

“Yes!” Angie said immediately. “Absolutely.” 

“Good,” Tanya smiled. “I’m sorry for asking.” 

“That’s fine.” 

“You’re Mara’s friend,” Tanya said lightly. “Of course you’re trustworthy.” As she spoke, she popped the wig back on her head. Her golden locks were replaced with chocolate brown ones, and even without the contact lenses she immediately became unrecognizable. 

“I should probably get going,” she said and adjusted the wig slightly. “I’m a bit on a schedule this morning.” 

“You don’t want some more coffee?” I offered. 

She flashed me a smile. “No thank you, Mara. I’ve already spent far too much time here. Not that I’m complaining or anything...” her grin turned a bit more salacious and then she turned to Angie again. “I apologize for the ‘Tammie Greyson’ stunt. That was mainly my fault. You came home unexpected and I had to think quickly. Mara was only adding to the lie to help me.” 

“I get it,” Angie nodded. 

“Good. Then I trust you won’t be too hard on your roommate now that the cat’s out of the bag.” Tanya chuckled again and found her phone in the pocket of her borrowed shirt. “Oh. My ride is here. I better get going.”

“It was nice to meet you!” Angie said and flashed her a smile. 

“It was nice to meet you too. Properly. Are you gonna walk me out, Mara?” 

“Sure,” I said. I did my best to ignore the prickling sensation of Angie staring me down as I turned my back on her and headed into the hallway with Tanya. 

She slipped on her shoes and then flashed me a teasing smile. “Are you planning on stopping by the hotel anytime soon?” 

“I might,” I said and did my best to fall into our natural banter. 

“You should. You should come by next Saturday.”

“I should?” 

“Yes. At seven. We’ll have dinner together. And dessert.”

“What kind of dessert?” I asked and tilted my head slightly. 

“Whatever you prefer,” Tanya smirked. “You can have ice cream or cake. Or me.” 

“How about ice cream AND you?” I asked boldly. 

She raised an impressed eyebrow. “I believe that could be arranged too, miss Swanson.”

“Interesting,” I said and tried my best at pretending to be her. All haughty and aloof. 

She didn’t buy it. “So? Dare I hope for your glorious company next Saturday at seven?” 

“I don’t know. Maybe.”

“Excellent. I’ll see you then.”

“I didn’t say yes,” I couldn’t resist to tease her. 

“And bring back my dress,” she said, completely ignoring my teasing. “It was an expensive dress and it deserves better than ending its days on your bedroom floor.”

“What’s wrong with my bedroom floor?” 

She grinned broadly. “I don’t know. I haven’t tried it yet.” Without any further ado she leaned in and kissed me longer than I had expected her to. A surprised little moan escaped me, but before I could   
really delve into the kiss, she pulled back and said: “Anyway, I gotta dash. See you next Saturday.” 

“Possibly.” 

“Try not to have any loud dreams about me and traumatize your roommate further. Goodbye, miss Swanson.” And that was it. Just like that, she opened the door and left the apartment before I could say anything else. By the time I snapped out of my daze, I could hear the clack-clack-clack of her high heels several floors down. I shook my head as I closed the door. Damn her and her ability to mess with my head. I turned around and walked back to the kitchen. I was supposed to have breakfast, but for whatever reason, I ended up standing motionless in front of the fridge. Unable to snap out of my Tanya Goldstein fantasies. How was I supposed to NOT have dreams about her? How was I supposed to go without contacting her until next Saturday? Was she gonna call me like she had done once before? I hoped she would. I wanted to talk to her, I wanted to-

“Okay, she is like...fantastic!” Angie loudly interrupted my day dreaming. 

“Yeah. She is,” I said and didn’t fully understand what I was saying until afterwards....


	21. Feelings

Okay, so yeah, I ended up being a little bit in trouble with Angie. She was not one bit satisfied with the way I had been lying to her, and she didn’t hesitate to let me know. I had received a serious stern talk to from her. In fact I had received several. And I had let her do it. I knew I deserved it. I hadn’t been lying to Angie before, and a lie of this caliber... Well, let’s just say she wasn’t too happy. 

The questions began approximatively five minutes after Tanya had left that morning. Angie wanted to know everything. When I had started seeing Tanya, whether I had been sneaking her into the apartment before. I could truthfully say no to that. And I told her everything else. I told her about that night in the bar where Tanya had shown up disguised as Tammie. How we’d danced. How she had “coaxed” me to come back to her hotel under the pretense of wanting her shirt back. How she had bought me a drink and then kissed me right before the elevator arrived. Angie’s jaw nearly dropped at that, and of course that little revelation only spurred more questions. Angie wanted to know everything. Which I told her. Pretty much. The ride in Tanya’s limo, the champagne, the flirting. The date at restaurant Providence. Angie looked utterly betrayed when I revealed that it had taken place that night where she had been sick. For some reason, she saw that as a great insult. I apologized for being a dirty little liar for the millionth time, and then I continued my tale and told her about ‘that’ night at the hotel with Tanya. I told her some. Not everything, god no. And certainly not in details. I didn’t tell her about our little rendezvous in the elevator. All I told her, was that things had heated up between Tanya and I that night. Angie was all cheeky smile when she demanded to know ‘how’ heated. I muttered something vaguely and ended up concluding my tale with telling her that Tanya and I had ‘done the deed’ that night. Not exactly how I would have put it, and definitely an understatement for what had happened, but at the time I was flushed because Angie had been grilling me relentlessly. 

Angie had cackled and been infuriatingly triumphant when she prattled on about how I was blushing “like a smitten teenager”. I did my best to deny and tell her that I wasn’t, but Angie had dismissed my every protest and then proceeded to have a mini heart attack because Tanya’s dress was still lying crumbled on the floor. And she had an even bigger heart attack when I nonchalantly said that I would bring it back the next time I saw Tanya. 

I had hoped that the day-long interrogation would be the end of it, but it wasn’t. Angie continued her grilling the next day. And the next. And the next. I felt patient like never before as I answered whatever question she might have (except the ones that were too intimate). I knew that I had been a lying asshole lately, and I wanted to make up for that more than anything. 

Angie kept grilling and grilling, and after a few days I didn’t even know what she was trying to achieve. I had told her everything. Maybe she was just opting for triumphing.

“And you didn’t like her at first,” she teased me one night. It had been exactly four days since the Tanya Goldstein cat was let out of the bag. 

“That’s correct. I didn’t.” I said somewhat strained and took a sip of the red wine we were treating ourselves to that evening. 

“You thought she was an arrogant asshole!” Angie continued and shamelessly laughed at me. 

“I still think she’s an arrogant asshole.”

“Mara!” Angie protested and looked as though Tanya could bust into the apartment and yell at me any moment. 

“I mean, sometimes,” I amended. 

“You can’t talk about Tanya Goldstein like that! It’s blasphemy.” 

“It is not,” I said firmly and took another swig of my wine. 

“It so is.”

I snorted. “How long are you gonna be starstruck for?”

“As long as I damn well please!”

I chuckled at that. “Angie, she’s just a human like you and me.”

“Right, so you’re telling me that you don’t get affected every time you see her?”

“I...” well, I couldn’t exactly deny that. I did get affected every time I saw her. No doubt about that. Laying eyes on her made the breath hitch in my throat every time. But it wasn’t just her looks. It wasn’t just the fact that she was beautiful. She was more than just a pretty face. So much more. She was smart. Funny. Infuriatingly sarcastic. And... vulnerable. I suspected that the sarcasm sometimes was a façade for the jumbled thoughts swirling underneath. There was more to her than just sarcasm and witty lines. Tanya was... Tanya was complex. And I missed her. As much as I didn’t want to admit it, I couldn’t exactly run from it either. It had been four days since I last saw her, and I hadn’t heard anything from her since. Not that I had expected to or anything, I knew that she had a pretty busy schedule to say it lightly, but still, I had hoped that she would have been able to sneak in a teeny tiny phone call. I couldn’t for obvious reasons. I had no number to call. But she had mine, and now I found myself wishing that she would use that opportunity to give me a call.

“Mara! Hello!”

“Huh?” I blinked and realized that Angie was snapping her fingers repeatedly right in front of my face. I reacted by quickly pushing her fingers away. “Stop it.”

“You were zoning out,” Angie accused. 

“I was not.”

“You totally were. Thinking of something in particular? Or should I say someone?”

“I’m thinking that you’re an idiot,” I said, but there wasn’t much bite to my words.

Angie snickered and took a swig of her wine. “So when are you gonna tell her?”

I frowned in confusion as I took a sip of my wine. It wasn’t quite as cold anymore. “Tell who what?” 

She rolled her eyes as though I was stupid. In her mind, I probably was exceptionally stupid right now. “Tanya,” she clarified. “When are you gonna tell her that you’re completely gone for her?”

I promptly choked on the mouthful of wine I had just taken. “What the hell, Angie?! I am not-“

“For fucks sake, Mara,” Angie scoffed. “You were staring at the door for a million years after she left.” 

“So what?” 

“So, you were totally yearning after her!”

“I was not. I was confused because my morning turned out differently than what I had expected.” 

Now Angie just looked like she felt sorry for me. Which was positively jarring, really. “I saw the way you looked at her when she came out dressed in your clothes,” she said. Her voice was soft. That was jarring too. 

I stupidly tried to buy myself time. “Was I looking at her in a particular way?”

“Yes, Mara. You were.” Angie said and leaned forward slightly. “You were totally giving her the look!”

“What look?” I sighed. This conversation was starting to make less and less sense to me. 

“The same look you gave Lily.” 

“What?!” okay, that threw me off a hundred percent. I stared at my roommate who just sat there and sipped her wine. “That is ridiculous,” I said slowly as though I was talking to a three year old and not my best friend and roommate. “I was with Lily for three years. I’ve known Tanya for three months.”

“So?” Angie scoffed. “I know the ‘I’m so in love’-look when I see it.”

“You’re wrong,” I said, shaking my head firmly. “I am not in love with Tanya.” 

Angie raised an eyebrow in a sort of polite disbelief. “Really?” 

“Yes, really!” I said and took another swig of my wine. “It’s not... It’s not like that, Angie. It’s just...”

“What?” Angie said and looked even more disbelieving. “Sex?” 

Oh, it would have been so fucking easy to just say yes and let it be with that. But for some reason I couldn’t bring myself to say that one little word. And for one sole reason. The image of how Tanya had been holding me when we were in my bed four days ago suddenly flashed before my eyes. The way she had smiled. The way I had found myself smiling back. The feeling of being close to her without it having anything to do with sex. That look in her eyes... The way it had made me feel like she saw me. All of me. Something had happened. There had been.... There had been a shift. 

“Mara?” 

I automatically shook my head and snapped out of it. “It’s not like that,” I repeated.

“Why not?” Angie asked plainly. 

I blinked, a little taken aback. “What?” 

“Why isn’t it like that?” she asked simply. 

“Because it isn’t.”

“That’s not really an answer, Mara.” 

I barked out a laugh. “Are you serious right now?”

“Yeah. I am.” 

“Right.” I rolled my eyes dramatically. “Because she’s Tanya Goldstein, Angie. She’s an actress, and a pretty fucking famous one too.”

“True. But maybe she’s also just a girl standing in front of another girl, asking her to love her.” 

“You’re really an idiot, did you know that?” 

“And you can’t see what’s right in front you.”

“Okay, stop. Just stop. There’s nothing in front of me, alright?” I said firmly. “It’s not like that. At all. I’ve just... I’ve just broken up with Lily. My girlfriend. Of three years. And I’m not over that at all.”

“Mara, you haven’t spoken about Lily in ages,” Angie pointed out. “You haven’t been checking your phone like a maniac, and you haven’t looked like a kicked puppy either. You’ve looked happy.” 

As always, my roommate had hit the head on the nail, and I’d had enough of this probing conversation. “Right,” I said as I got up from the couch. “This has been fun, but I think I’ll go to bed. I have work tomorrow.”

“You’re pissed at me?” Angie guessed. 

I wasn’t. Not really. “Nope, just tired. Goodnight.” 

“Goodnight, Mara.”

I was quick to prepare myself for bed, and I actually did feel kind of tired when I slipped into bed. But now my thoughts were jumbled thanks to Angie. 

I was NOT in love with Tanya Goldstein. 

Was I? 

No. Nope. Definitely not. The thought alone was so ridiculous I found myself chuckling in the darkness. Being in love with Tanya Goldstein would be like wishing for the moon. Impossible. Unobtainable. 

Ridiculous. Angie had gotten it all wrong. Completely wrong. And tomorrow I would do a better job at explaining that to her. Tanya and I had fun. That was what we had. Good old fashioned fun. 

Noncommittal fun. That had sort of been the unspoken agreement right from the start, right? 

I rolled onto my other side. I could feel how my jaw clenched. Damn Angie. Damn her for putting thoughts into my head. Damn her for making one little ridiculous seed grow. I bit my lip. Yes, there was a seed in my head already. I wasn’t sure how long it had been there, I hadn’t noticed it until four days ago when Tanya and I woke up together. 

I sighed gravely and rolled onto my back. Opened my eyes and stared up at the ceiling. I could hear “Mr. and Mrs. Smith” upstairs. They were talking. Loudly. Were they arguing? Or was this perhaps some kind of foreplay? Oh god, it was Wednesday. They were totally going to have sex in a moment. Now I could better understand why Angie hadn’t gone to bed yet. I groaned and pulled the covers over my head. I silently begged the higher powers that I would be capable of falling asleep before they started their escapades, but given how my thoughts kept racing around, I didn’t have too much hope. It was Tanya’s fault, really. She was running around in my head and distracting me. But she wasn’t the only one. Angie was causing me problems too. 

‘You just can’t see what’s right in front of you.’ 

My jaw clicked slightly because of the way it was tightening. What did Angie know about that? She didn’t know Tanya. She had only met her once. She was jumping the conclusions. And she was a fine one to talk about what was right in front of someone. She was the one who was oh so busy denying being Cooper’s girlfriend. She totally was. They were practically joined at the hip. Together every weekend.   
She should focus on that instead. She was a fine one to talk about yearning looks when she was the one who gave Cooper the puppy dog eyes at any given moment. I scoffed quietly and then chuckled darkly. Maybe I should point all that out to her tomorrow. Give her something else to think about. 

The ceiling creaked, and I immediately glanced up in suspicion. If “Mr. and Mrs. Smith” were gonna start bang in a second, I was seriously gonna loose it. Hearing those two go at it was just about the last thing I needed tonight. I had work tomorrow. I should think about that. Not everything else. And more importantly, I should go the fuck to sleep. 

But once again, my hopes of going to sleep was crushed. Not by Mr. and Mrs. Smith, but by the humming sound of my phone. I had just gotten a notification. And since I couldn’t sleep, I might as well just check it. I reached out and grabbed my phone. Squinted slightly at the brightness of my screen. It was an Instagram notification. @TGoldstein had just uploaded a new picture. I couldn’t resist the temptation and tapped in my password. Then I opened my Instagram. I didn’t even have to scroll. 

It was a picture of Tanya. She was lying on the bed that belonged to Celeste Bellamy in the show. She was dressed in one of those flimsy silk nightgowns Celeste always paraded around in in the show. She was lying on her stomach with her knees bent and her ankles crossed in the air. The pearly grey nightgown didn’t cover a lot and I could see plenty of her legs. Far too much. Her platinum blonde hair was hanging loose and falling down on either side of her face. Underneath the picture, she had simply written: ‘what’s new, Celeste?’ 

My lips pursed as I did a quick read through of the comments. They were roughly the same. Marriage proposals in some of them. ‘I wasn’t ready’ in many of them. Moaning emojis. Nothing new there. So why was I bothered by this? Why did I feel something nag in the back of my head when I wondered who had taken the picture? But before I could get the chance to pursue that dangerous thought, she uploaded a new picture. Another one of herself in the nightgown, but this time sitting up in the bed and clearly laughing hysterically. Underneath she had written: ‘when nothing goes right.’ I took an extra look at the picture and shook my head. Fucking hell, she looked so beautiful when she smiled. I put my phone down and wondered what she was doing right now. Was she done working for the day? Was she in her hotel room, or was she at her own place in Beverly Hills? I wondered what her place looked like. Was it nice and tidy, or was she a mess head? She could be messy at home. I could sort of imagine that. I closed my eyes and for some reason I started thinking about what kind of person Tanya was when she was at home. Was she the type of person who ordered pizza and binged Netflix while wearing yoga pants and no bra? 

And why is that so interesting to you, Mara? 

I pulled the covers over my head once more. It wasn’t. I was just overtired. But I would rectify that in a moment. By falling asleep. Yep. That was exactly what I was gonna do. I banished Tanya from my mind and did my best to relax in every part of my body. But things rarely went as I planned, and I chased sleep to the sound of ‘Mrs. Smith’ fake screaming as she came again and again. I groaned and secretly thought to myself that Tanya and I had sounded so much more convincing. Because it had actually been real...

I felt groggy the next morning, but I was ridiculously relieved when it was time to get up. Because being at work would mean that I couldn’t concentrate on examining myself and my feelings. Thank god. I stumbled out of bed and into the bathroom where I grabbed a quick shower. My head felt stuffy. Like it had been working overtime all night to figure things out. 

I didn’t have time for a long shower this morning, so it didn’t take long before I switched the water off again and stepped out of the shower. I swiftly toweled myself off and rubbed a smaller towel over my head hair. I could already sense that I wouldn’t be able to get my hair to cooperate with me today. Too bad. I didn’t have time to do something serious about it. I had to settle for quickly drying it off and then forcing it to lie flat with a comb and pray to the higher powers that would be enough.

I headed back to my room and found a pair of my nicer jeans and a lighter blue button up. That would have to do for today. I was going to spend the time at the office, and luckily, I was going to be busy. I had two articles to write and a phone interview to conduct. Plenty of things to do. There wouldn’t be time to do anything else. Definitely not time to think or anything. Good. That was good. 

I put my clothes on, grabbed my phone and then went into the kitchen where I found Angie. She was sitting by the table with her phone in hand and a cup of coffee in front of her. She briefly looked up from her phone. “Good morning. There’s still coffee left.”

“Awesome. Thank you,” I said and went over to the cupboard to grab a cup. I poured myself a solid cup of the life-giving liquid and settled down next to her. I wasn’t that hungry. I could grab a snack at work or something.

“So?” I asked lightly and shamelessly stretched my neck so I could see what she was doing on her phone. She was scrolling through Instagram. “Anything new happening on Instagram?”

Angie looked up again. “Are you sure you wanna know?”

“Yeah?” I said and raised an eyebrow in confusion. “Why wouldn’t I want to know?” sure, Instagram could be a pretty poisonous place from time to time, but it wasn’t that bad. 

“Okay...” Angie quickly turned the screen so I could see whatever it was she was staring at. It turned out to be a picture from Alexander Scott’s Instagram. Alexander Scott was the guy who played Julian Lawrence, Celeste Bellamy’s main love interest, and now he had uploaded a picture of himself and Tanya. They were hugging each other tightly, and Tanya was sort of resting her head against his chest. I swallowed a mouthful of exceptionally bitter coffee as I looked at the way Alexander had his arms around Tanya. They were both smiling broadly at the camera, and underneath the picture Alexander had written: ‘look who I found! #Bellarence’

Obviously, the fans were going crazy. The comments mostly consisted of dying/crying and moaning emojis. Some of the fans claimed that he had just killed them, and a few hundred of them claimed that this had to be the final proof that Alexander and Tanya were dating in real life. 

“Nah,” I said simply as I looked back at Angie. 

“’Nah’?” Angie echoed and raised an eyebrow. 

“Yes. Nah. That is just fanservice,” I said firmly. 

“Okay....”

“It is.” 

“You sound very sure,” Angie said as she slipped her phone back in her pocket.

“I am.”

“And why is that?” 

“Because...” I went as far as lowering my voice even though there was no one here except us. “Because Tanya is gay.” 

Angie’s eyebrow rose again, but this time in surprise. “She is?” 

“Mhmm. And it’s a massive secret, so you can’t tell anyone-“

“Mara, stop taking me for a douchebaguette,” Angie interrupted and glared at me. “I’m not an idiot.”

“I know you’re not,” I said hastily. “I’m sorry. I know you won’t tell anyone. I could just sense that it was a very big deal for Tanya when she told me.”

“Oh,” Angie said quietly and cleverly deduced: “she’s not out yet.” 

“No, she isn’t.” 

“Okay. Do you know why?” 

“Ish,” I answered. “She just said that she has people in her life who doesn’t like it.”

“Oh,” Angie said again. “That’s fucking rough.”

“It is,” I agreed. Being a teenager and finding out you were gay was scary. And any attempts at coming out had to be a nightmare when you already knew that your family wasn’t gonna support you. Being   
gay and being an adult were easier in most cases, but not if you were an actress whose name was on everybody’s lips these days. I thought about what Tanya had said about her mental health and what the tattoo on her hip meant, and my heart ached. I could pretend that it didn’t, but it fucking did. I knew plenty about Tanya Goldstein the actress, but I still didn’t know that much about Tanya Goldstein the person. What had her childhood and teen years in Montana been like? She never spoke of that when she gave interviews. Always of her career, but never about her personal life and family. Not ever. 

Sure, the reason could be that she preferred to keep her private life private, but I had an inkling that there was another reason for it. I gobbled down the rest of my coffee. I had realized that I was loosing myself in Tanya again, and I couldn’t. I was going to work......

Ingrid was a slave-whipper. Not the politest choice of words, but there was really no other way to put it. She wanted us all to work harder. For one simple reason. The latest edition of the Juicy Bits hadn’t sold that well. In fact none of the other editions had. Not as good as the edition where the interview with Tanya was featured. And that pissed Ingrid off. She insisted that we found something that was as news worthy as Tanya Goldstein. But none of us knew exactly what that was. 

“Then we’ll have to persuade her into giving us another interview,” Ingrid claimed. “The new season is about to wrap up. We can do a special interview once the show has aired where we discuss the new season with her and what’s next. She’s nominated for a Golden Globe. That’s something to write more about. And I’ve also heard rumors that Warner Bros have their eyes on her.” 

“You have?” I blurted out. I had heard nothing about that. Tanya hadn’t told me. The only thing she had told me about was the heiress movie thing, and that wasn’t Warner Bros, right?

“Yes, miss Swanson. As a matter fact, I have,” Ingrid said. “And that’s interesting too.”

We, her faithful employees muttered in agreement. 

“Perhaps I should put that into motion,” Ingrid mused. “Make a few phone calls. Swanson, if it becomes reality, you’ll conduct the interview.”

“Me?” I asked. 

“Yes, you,” Ingrid said impatiently. “You conducted the last interview. You’re the one who have the best contact with miss Goldstein.” 

Protesting would be useless. When Ingrid Peterson gave an order, one simply didn’t protest. But I knew I couldn’t take that interview. Because Tanya and I no longer had a professional relationship. God, the irony was amusing. Laughable, even. 

“Okay,” I said simply. 

Ingrid disappeared into her office again, and I discreetly shook my head. What was I even supposed to tell Ingrid when I told her that I couldn’t possibly do that interview? I could imagine how Tanya would react when I told her. Because of course I would tell her. And she would obviously laugh her head off. Point out how fucking ironic that was. But seriously, what was I supposed to tell Ingrid? That I didn’t want to do the interview? For what reason? Ingrid would crave a reason. She always did. And I would have to come up with something. A brilliant reason. A reason that couldn’t be poked or prodded or punctuated in anyway. 

I leaned back in my chair and stared at the laptop in front of me. Why was it that my life seemed to become trickier and trickier with each day? New complications. I shook my head and even chuckled a bit to myself. Maybe I needed a holiday or something. 

No. One didn’t take a holiday when one worked at Juicy Bits. I turned my attention back to the computer and kept soldiering on with that article I was in the middle of writing. 

And once that was done, I conducted that phone interview like I was supposed to, but my mind wasn’t in it at all. My mouth asked the questions I was supposed to ask and said the things I was supposed to say, but none of it made sense to me. Because my mind was fixated on Tanya Goldstein. I couldn’t stop thinking about her, and it scared the shit out of me. That was not how this was supposed to go. Not at all. It was Angie’s fault. It had to be. She was the one who had planted certain ideas in my head. She was the one who had prompted all of this. Her and her alone. 

I groaned quietly as I threw myself back in the chair. It slipped several inches away from the desk, and for a second I was afraid that the chair would tip over completely and I’d end up on the floor like a ragdoll. Maybe that would be better, actually. I felt pretty squashed. Like a ragdoll. 

“Cheer up, Swanson.”

“Huh?” I looked up when Boris spoke to me.

“You look like someone who’s been left outside during the night.”

I sneered at him. “That’s not a polite thing to say to a lady.”

He was cheeky enough to grin. “What’s wrong? Been out drinking?”

“No, you idiot.” 

“Then why do you look like Christmas has been cancelled? You should be happy. Ingrid just gave you an important assignment.”

“Ingrid just gave me extra work,” I said flatly. 

Boris scoffed. “Mara, you get to interview Tanya Goldstein a second time. Some of us would actually give an arm and leg for such an opportunity.”

“Right,” I said and rolled my eyes. “Then why don’t you pop into Ingrid’s office and tell her that?” 

He ignored that. “You’re lucky, Swanson. You get to spend time with Hollywood’s rising star. At least look a little grateful. Before I hit you over the head with the newest edition.” 

“You are hilarious,” I said flatly. “You should give up your work here and become a comedian instead.” 

“I don’t think so. I’d rather stick around and hope that I get the chance to interview Tanya Goldstein. She is one hot piece of-“

“Boris. Don’t talk about her like that!”

“Right. Sorry,” he said and had the decency to look sheepish. “But seriously, Mara, you should be happy. Ingrid is clearly trusting you to do this.”

“Yeah. Lucky me,” I mumbled. How was I supposed to get out of this?

I was frustrated and irritated at myself by the time I was done for the day. I had been unconcentrated the entire day, and for that I was irritated at myself. I was getting paid to work. Not think about Tanya   
Goldstein. Why was I so stupid? 

And why was my fucking car so fucking stupid?! That was the first thing I thought to myself when I made it to the parking lot. The moment I got to my car, I could see that it had a flat tire. Right. So there was the reason why it had felt a bit funny when I drove to work this morning. Great. Fucking perfect. 

“Seriously?” I groaned as I crouched down and inspected the tire. Yeah, no, I couldn’t fix this on my own. I had to call someone. So I did. But unfortunately, help couldn’t come until tomorrow morning. 

Which meant that I would have to leave my precious car here over night. That wasn’t a problem as such. The parking lot had security and all that, so the car would be perfectly fine here overnight. But I wasn’t particularly chuffed at the idea of having to take the bus home. Actually that sucked big time. But I didn’t have a lot of other options unfortunately. Walking it was. 

I sighed deeply as I got up from my crouching position. “You are useless,” I told the car. “Utterly useless.” 

My car didn’t have a lot to say for itself, and instead of wasting time on yelling at it, I stuffed my phone back in my pocket, turned my back on the useless piece of junk that was my car and walked out of the parking lot. A stupid ending to a ridiculous day. I had been unable to concentrate because I had been so goddamn busy examining every inch of my feelings. I scoffed. I shouldn’t have gone to work today. I should have stayed in bed and slept this day away. I shouldn’t have talked so much with Angie last night. I shouldn’t have let her poke and prod and ask questions. She had made me all confused about things I shouldn’t be confused about. At least that was what I kept telling myself. That I had let Angie’s assumptions get to me. Angie was... Angie was just imagining things. And I was gonna tell her that. Today. The moment I saw her. She couldn’t go around and imagine things like that. 

I tugged at the lapels of my jacket in an attempt to wrap it a little tighter around myself. It was a pretty grey and rainy day, and I was regretting that I hadn’t worn my parka instead of my old leather jacket. It was actually getting too cold for that. Why did my stupid car have to blow a tire today of all days? I just wanted to go home and catch up on some of the sleep I didn’t get last night because my brain decided to be overactive and ridiculous. One thing was certain. I was gonna have a drink when I came home. I had deserved that. It felt like I had just survived the world’s hardest day ever. 

As I walked, I found my phone in my pocket and checked bus times. According to the app, the next bus would arrive in about twenty five minutes. Fuck, that was a long time. I was not in the mood to hang out by a busstop for twenty five minutes. Maybe I could call a taxi. Could I afford a taxi home? After a quick calculation, I decided that no, I couldn’t afford to take a taxi home. So I would have to wait for the bus. For twenty five minutes. And freeze off my ass while doing so. Lucky me. I should have stayed in bed. Today was definitely not my day. As in at all. I cursed softly under my breath as I slipped the phone back in my pocket and rounded a corner. Next stop, the bus shelter. Apparently.

I was half-running as I crossed the street in an attempt to not accidentally become a victim of how shitty people were driving in Los Angeles, when the phone suddenly went off in my pocket. I elegantly avoided a big red car, made it safely onto the pavement and then thrusted a hand inside my jacket pocket. Could it be the guy who was saving my car that called me? Could it be that he had found out he had time to come and fix it today? Or better still, right now? Was I really that lucky? 

But when I looked at the phone, it wasn’t the car guy who was calling me. In fact I didn’t recognize the number at all. Was it some jerk who was trying to sell me something? I was definitely not in the mood for that. But at the same time, I wouldn’t mind the opportunity to tell someone off. I swiped a finger over the screen and brought the phone up to my ear. “Hello?” 

“I spy with my little eye, a reporter on the run,” an all too familiar voice said in the other end. 

“Tanya?” I said dumbly. 

“Expecting someone else?” she asked smoothly, and swiftly continued: “where are you off to in such a hurry?”

“Are you spying on me or something?” I asked and looked around. Where the hell was she even? 

She laughed in the other end. “So busy you can’t see what’s right in front of you, huh?” 

“Huh?” I echoed and ignored the ring of familiarity the words left in my ear. 

“Red car,” Tanya said simply. 

“What?” I asked but then put two and two together. “Oh.” I should have known that big red car looked a little out of place here. It was too big and shiny to really belong here. 

Tanya laughed fruitily. “So? What’s the rush, miss Swanson? Going somewhere?” 

“Yeah, home,” I told her as I re-started my brisk walk down the street. “My car decided to get a flat tire, so I’m on my way to the busstop.”

“Oh,” Tanya said, and I heard some shuffling in the other end. There was a slight pause and then: “you need a ride?” 

“From you?” I asked, surprise coloring my voice. 

“No, from the pope. Yes, from me. Obviously.” 

“But aren’t you like extremely busy or something like that?” I asked half-jokingly, half-seriously. “I thought you were completely swamped.” 

“I am, but it’s raining and you’re wearing a ridiculous excuse for a jacket. Get in.”

“In where?” I asked. But as soon as the question was asked, the big red car pulled up beside me, and in best movie style the door opened, and Tanya said: “get in.” 

For once I didn’t argue. I simply ducked into the car and closed the door behind me. 

“And you can hang up now,” Tanya teased. 

“Right.” I ended the call and plopped down on the wide car seat.

Tanya was sitting across me. She was in full costume. Blue wrap dress, dangly earrings and high heels. Her hair had been styled in that French braid that was Celeste Bellamy’s trademark hairstyle, and her   
makeup was lighter than usual.

“Hi, Celeste,” I teased. “On your way to shoot the next scene?” 

“I am actually,” Tanya replied. “We’re changing location.” 

“Yeah? Where are you guys going?” I asked. 

She just laughed. “Like I can tell you that.” 

“Right.” 

“So?” she urged. “Aren’t you gonna say hello?”

“How would you like me to say hello?” I asked and raised an eyebrow. 

Tanya answered the question by leaning forward and kiss me on the lips. “Like that.”

“Oh. Well, I certainly have no problem with that,” I said truthfully as I leaned forward and stole another kiss from her. 

She returned the kiss and then leaned back in the leather car seat. I now noticed that Genevieve the cat was lying cuddled up next to her. I couldn’t quite suffocate a grin. “You’re bringing the cat with you when you film?” 

“Yes,” Tanya said as though it was the most natural thing in the world. “And her name is Genevieve, miss Swanson. Not ‘the cat’.”

“Right. I’ll remember that.” 

“You better. So? Have you missed me?” she asked and leaned forward again. This time she grasped my hands. 

“I might have,” I said airily. 

“Might have?”

“Mmm. Might have. Have you missed me?” 

“Yes,” she said simply. “Next Saturday is a bit too far away.” 

“It is,” I agreed and felt that warm sensation low in my belly again. 

“You’ve been at work,” Tanya said. “Tell me about it.” 

“I’d rather hear about your work.” 

“And you know I can’t tell you. So tell me about your day instead,” she lightly brushed me off. 

I chuckled. “Okay then. I wrapped up an article and did a phone interview with a guy who is the producer of a low budget series.” 

“That sounds interesting,” Tanya said as she stroked Genevie’s soft fur. 

I scoffed slightly. “Yeah, right.”

“It does,” she insisted, and then she was leaning forward again. But this time she didn’t kiss me. Instead she pushed a button, and the wall that separated us from the driver and passenger seat, was rolled   
down. 

“Yes, miss Goldstein?” I heard a female voice say. I quickly identified the voice to be Beth’s. I couldn’t see her because of the way I was sitting. 

“We have to make a quick stop at West Hollywood,” Tanya said.

“You’ll be late for shooting, miss Goldstein. 

Now Tanya was the one to scoff. “I’m the leading lady. I don’t think they’re gonna start without me.” 

“Very well, miss Goldstein. We’ll stop at West Hollywood.”

“Excellent.” Tanya pressed the button and the wall slid back in place. 

“I thought Fred was your driver?” I asked. 

Tanya shrugged. “Sometimes.”

“Isn’t he your bodyguard too?”

“He is,” she said and lazily leaned back in the seat. “He’s waiting for me at the location.”

I frowned. “But shouldn’t he, you know, be around you twenty four seven?” 

Tanya chuckled and her grey eyes gleamed. “I don’t think anyone is planning on assassinating me, Mara.” 

“That’s not even funny!”

Her expression softened and she tilted her head slightly. “You’re worried about me?” 

I opened my mouth to protest, but absolutely nothing came out of my mouth. I couldn’t say “no” or “don’t flatter yourself”. I could just sit and stare at her like a fool. 

She leaned forward and patted my hand lightly. “Don’t worry. Beth’s a very good driver.”

“I never said she wasn’t,” I muttered a bit defiantly. 

Tanya chuckled again as she petted Genevieve. The cat woke up from its slumber and looked suspiciously at me. If I didn’t know any better, I would say that Genevieve was thinking ‘oh, you again’. And she wasn’t impressed. Her bushy tail started swinging back and forward. 

Tanya gave the cat a slight nudge. “Be nice to Mara, Genevieve.” 

Genevieve looked up at her mistress as though she could understand Tanya perfectly. 

“Pet her,” Tanya encouraged. 

“What?” 

“Pet Genevieve.”

“Why?” 

“Because I said so.” 

I snorted quietly. “You think that’s enough reason?” 

“If you can’t get along with my cat, this will never work,” she said firmly. 

“’This’?” I quietly echoed, but Tanya didn’t appear to have heard me. She simply lifted Genevieve and placed her on the seat where I was sitting. 

“Uhh...” I said and looked cautiously at the cat. Her tail was swinging back and forward again. “I don’t think she likes me, Tanya.” 

“Pet her,” Tanya ordered. 

“Okay. But if she bites off my arm, I’ll definitely press charge,” I muttered. I slowly lifted my hand and hesitantly placed it on Genevieve’s furry head. She didn’t bite off my arm, but she did keep staring at   
me. 

“Scratch behind her ear. She likes that,” Tanya instructed. 

So I risked my life and scratched Genevieve behind her ear. And she still didn’t bite off my arm. Instead she leaned in and began purring. Just like that. 

“See? That wasn’t so hard, was it? She likes you,” Tanya grinned. “You have gotten the stamp of approval.” 

“I feel very honored.” Seriously, there wasn’t even that much bite to the snark. For some reason I wasn’t capable of snarking right now. 

“You should. Genevieve is a good judge when it comes to character,” Tanya said. Hell, she looked absolutely satisfied when she said it. 

“I’ll remember that. Am I still not allowed to call her Gen?”

“No.”

“How about Genny?” 

“Absolutely not.” 

I grinned teasingly at her. “Why not, Tan? Or do you prefer Tanny?”

Her mouth twisted a bit. “I’d prefer if you didn’t call me Tanny. I once knew someone who called me that, and she wasn’t a very nice person.”

Shit. I cringed. “I’m sorry,” I immediately apologized. “I didn’t know.” 

“And how could you?” Tanya said lightly. “Don’t worry about it.”

“I’m still sorry though.” 

“Stop apologizing, Mara.” Tanya rolled her eyes. “I said it’s fine.” 

“Okay.”

Tanya leaned forward and grasped the hand of mine that wasn’t busy petting Genevieve. “I’m glad I ran into you today.” 

“I’m glad you didn’t. I’d hate to end up on the helmet of your fancy car,” I joked. 

She threw her head back and laughed heartedly, and I.....I couldn’t stop looking at her. I was transfixed. Mesmerized. I had to say something before she noticed. “I have a problem.”

Tanya raised an eyebrow. “Okay?”

“My boss wants me to do another interview with you,” I told her. “After the season wraps up. I think she’s planning on turning it into a special ‘Golden Globe edition’ or something like that.”

“I’m only nominated,” Tanya pointed out. “That doesn’t mean I’ll win.” 

“Ingrid doesn’t care about that. And now she wants me to do the interview,” I half-complained. “And obviously, I can’t do that because...” 

“We no longer have a professional relationship,” Tanya finished the sentence with a grin. 

“You... pretty much read my mind.” 

Tanya laughed at me. “So I’m guessing it means that you won’t be asking me about my favorite position?” 

I blushed like a school girl. “I don’t think it’s necessary anymore.”

She smirked. “No, I guess it isn’t.”

I tried to stop blushing. “What am I supposed to do about my boss?”

“Maybe I can make an official statement or something,” Tanya said. “Tell that I won’t be giving interviews for a while.”

“You think that’ll work?” 

“Yes,” Tanya said simply. “Trust me, miss Swanson.” 

“I am trusting you.” It came out way more sincere than I had expected.

Tanya gave my hand a squeeze. “Good.” 

I instinctively returned the squeeze and looked at her. Looked into her eyes. She calmly met my gaze and smiled, and when she did, when she smiled at me, I felt a million butterflies flicker around behind   
my navel. I swallowed something. 

Tanya squeezed my hand again. “I should give you a ride more often. I like having you in my car.” 

“I like being in your car,” I joked. 

She smirked as she leaned forward and kissed me again. Full on the lips this time. She didn’t appear to care about her lipstick at all, so why should I? I kissed her back with all my might. Cupped her   
cheeks as I did so and didn’t even care about Genevieve the cat. And Tanya clearly didn’t either. She tugged me over on her seat and wrapped her arms around my neck. Her tongue was teasing mine and I had to fight an impulse. Which was to rip off her dress and have her right here and now. I wanted her. I craved her. I.... I NEEDED her. 

Oh fuck. 

I needed her. Like actually needed her. And not just because I wanted to have sex with her. It was deeper. Because as we kissed, I had suddenly started to imagine things. Random things. Trivial things. Like what it would be like to slip out of bed early and wake her up with a cup of coffee. Or coming home from a long day of work and sharing takeout while watching crap television. Sitting on the couch with her and laughing at the television.

Shit. Shit. Shit!

Tanya moaned into my mouth, and I shivered. But not solely because of the sound. 

I checked myself again. 

Was I in love with Tanya Goldstein?

Ye-

“West Hollywood!” Beth announced and Tanya and I nearly jumped. Tanya looked mildly annoyed as she pulled back. “Right then.” 

“Oh,” I said halfheartedly. I hadn’t even noticed that the car had come to a halt. 

“I suppose that’s your cue,” Tanya muttered. 

“It is. Unless I came come with you to-“

“Out of the car, miss Swanson,” Tanya joked and gave me a little nudge. 

“Okay, okay, keep your super-secret secrets,” I joked as I opened the car door and grabbed my bag. “Thanks for the ride. Bye, Genevieve.” I quickly reached out and petted the white cat.

“You’re most welcome, miss Swanson,” she replied. “Off you pop. And tell Angie I said hello.” 

“Sure,” I chuckled. “I’ll do that. See ya.”

“On Saturday,” Tanya added. “Wear something with a zipper.”

I lifted an eyebrow. “Why?”

“Because I’m asking you to.” 

“Seriously? That’s all you’re gonna say?” 

“Yes,” she said. Now she was definitely satisfied with herself again. 

I rolled my eyes. “Okay then. I’ll wear something with a zipper.” 

“That’s my Mara,” Tanya said and laughed heartedly. 

My throat tightened. I wanted to say things to her. But I was standing with one foot on the street, and she was in a hurry. She had somewhere to be....

“See you, Tammie,” I said and tried to sound nonchalant. 

“Indeed you will. Have a nice evening.”

“Thank you. You too.” 

Tanya chuckled dryly. “I doubt it will be. I’m gonna shoot a rain scene and freeze my ass off for the next forty five minutes.”

I scrunched up my nose. “That sounds...”

“Wet?” Tanya suggested. Then she was grinning again as she slowly closed the car door behind me. 

I was left standing on the pavement by my apartment. Slightly dizzy and definitely affected by what had just happened. My stomach felt all...wobbly. I shook my head. I couldn’t very well keep standing on   
the pavement like a fool. I slung my bag over my shoulder and turned around.

Three floors later, I was standing in front of my own apartment door and fumbling after the key. Which turned out wasn’t necessary. The door was already unlocked. Angie was home. I shoved the door open with my shoulder and dumped my bag on the floor. I was slinging off my jacket when my phone buzzed. I wriggled my feet in an attempt to slip out of my shoes while I fished the phone out of my pocket. I had gotten a text. From an unknown number. I forgot about my shoes as I checked the message.

‘You looked good in that jacket. If I hadn’t been shooting tonight, I would have gone upstairs with you. I can’t wait to see you on Saturday.’

I knew that texting back would be pretty pointless. Tanya had probably switched the burner phone off. I sighed, and the sound coming out of my mouth was definitely yearning. 

“Hey,” Angie called from the living room. 

“Hey,” I called back and slipped the phone back into my pocket. I toed off my shoes and then headed into the living room where I found Angie half sprawled out on the couch where she was eating a bag of   
chips.

“Long day?” she guessed between mouthfuls.

“It wasn’t that bad,” I said lightly. But my head was literally creaking. “My car has a flat tire, though. I had to leave it in the parking lot.”

“Shit,” Angie said and wrinkled her nose. “You should have called me.”

“No, it was fine, I got a ride,” I mumbled and shifted a bit. Couldn’t quell a sigh. I could still feel that fluttering sensation in my belly. That fucking fluttering feeling of....

“What’s wrong?” Angie asked. She had muted the television and was now giving me her full attention. 

I could have said ‘nothing’. It would have been easy to say ‘nothing’. It would have been easy to add to the pile of lies I had told lately. But the thing was.... I didn’t want to lie. Not anymore. 

“I have feelings for Tanya Goldstein,” I said quietly. 

Angie lowered the handful of chips she was about to shove into her mouth. She gave me a quick one over and nodded a little. “Yes you do,” she said simply. 

“I think I’m falling in love with her.” 

“Yes, you are,” Angie said just as simply as she got up from the couch. “Sit down. I’ll get you a glass of wine.”

I did as requested and sat down. “I’m an idiot.”

“Debatable,” Angie said as she headed into the kitchen. “Have you told Tanya?”

“No. No way. And I’m not going to either.”

“And why not?”

But I didn’t answer. I just shook my head. The idea of telling Tanya about my budding feelings for her was just.... ridiculous. After all, wishing for Tanya Goldstein was like wishing for the moon.


	22. Getting Personal

“Well, I’m off,” I announced as I glanced at myself in the hallway mirror one last time. Yep, I looked pretty good in the purple cocktail I had found stashed away in the very back of my closet. I had only worn it once to some office part ages ago. Which was a bit of a shame, really. It was a nice dress. And it had a zipper that ran from the nape of my neck to the back of my thigh. Plenty of zipper. Just like Tanya had “ordered”. I had even managed to tame my hair a bit. Overall, the result couldn’t have been better. I looked good. For once I was satisfied. I glanced back at the open door to my room and wondered if it would be too presumptuous to bring an extra set of clothes. I suffocated a grin. Yeah, no, definitely too presumptuous. I couldn’t do that. I grabbed my leather jacket, slipped my arms through the sleeves and carefully sipped it. Next, I looked down and inspected my feet which had been trapped in boots with high heels for once. Was I gonna regret that before the night was over? 

Yes, probably. But I didn’t have time to change footwear now. I headed towards the door. 

“Break a leg. Tell her how you feel,” Angie said completely nonchalantly when I passed by the living room. 

“Angie....” I couldn’t even choke back a groan. 

“Don’t ‘Angie’ me, Mara,” my roommate said firmly as she looked up from the magazine she was reading. “Tell her how you feel. I’m serious.” 

“I know you’re serious,” I said and gritted my teeth slightly. “Believe me, I know.” Boy, was I relieved that I had somewhere to be tonight. Otherwise this discussion would have dragged on and on. 

“Don’t be a coward,” Angie said and wagged a finger at me. 

“Bye, Angie,” I said and acted exactly like a coward would. I grabbed my purse and hastily stalked towards the door. The moment I ripped it open, I nearly collided with Cooper. 

“Woah,” he said and automatically stepped backwards. 

“Watch it,” I joked as I stepped aside so he could come into the apartment. 

“You watch it. You look nice,” he complimented.

“Thanks.”

“Big plans?” he asked curiously. 

I grinned. “If I had, I wouldn’t tell you. Have a nice evening. Bye!”

“Bye coward!” Angie half-yelled from the living room, and I settled for rolling my eyes as I slammed the apartment door shut and hurried down the stairs. 

Ever since my little “confession”, Angie had been nagging me relentlessly because she thought I should “tell Tanya how I felt”. And in her simple world, I was a coward because I said I didn’t want to. But it wasn’t that simple. I couldn’t just blurt out the truth to Tanya. She would think that I had lost my mind. Or maybe she simply wouldn’t believe me and start laughing because she thought I was joking. I wouldn’t even blame her for that. It sounded like a joke. And a bad one too. Me. In love with Tanya Goldstein. Like a few thousand other people. My name would just be one of many. Tanya didn’t feel the same. Of course she didn’t. Why should she? It had sort of been obvious right from the get go that this was just a casual thing. A bit of fun. And I had been on board with that too. But then something had changed. I had changed. More specifically, the way I saw Tanya had changed. I didn’t just see an actress who looked pretty but was also stuck up. I saw a person. All of her. And I really liked what I saw. 

Tanya was funny. Smart. Heartbreakingly beautiful. And she also had a certain melancholia about her. There was a side of her I hadn’t seen too much of yet, but I knew it was there. 

I made it down to the second floor and had to take a break and wiggle my feet. They already hurt. Damnit. I shouldn’t have worn high heeled boots anyway. Bad decision. 

I felt oddly nervous about tonight. Now that I had admitted out loud to be in love with Tanya, I felt jittery at the prospect of seeing her again. Suppose she could look right through me like she had when we had woken up in my bed? Suppose the truth about how I felt about her was visible on my face? She would freak out. I knew she would. She would freak out, and everything would be ruined because I had been dumb enough to fall in love with her. Stupid, stupid me! First, I managed to loose Lily to another woman, and now I had gone and fallen in love with a celebrity. I was fucked in so many ways. I continued my walk down the stairs and tried to concentrate on not tripping and accidentally falling down the stairs and killing myself. My phone buzzed in my pocket and I stopped on the stairs to check the message. ‘I hope you’re on your way. I’m waiting for you.’ I sighed and noted two things: the sound came out yearningly. And my heart had started to hammer away in my chest. I felt lightheaded.   
Because of a text message. I was clearly an idiot. I slipped the phone back in my pocket and quickened my pace as I walked down the stairs. It could have been nice if there had been a way for me to reply to the text. An official number I could actually text. Yes. Having Tanya’s real phone number would be nice. I would be able to call her then. Ask her how she was doing. If she’d had a nice day.

I groaned. Now I was imagining things again. 

I made it out on the parking lot and hopped into my car. I wasn’t interested in being late. But as I turned the car around and drove out of the parking lot, I felt my heart thrum in my chest again. This upcoming meeting with Tanya felt different. It was no longer just a fun evening with Tanya. There was nothing ‘just’ about it anymore.

I sighed quietly to myself as I waited for green light. Suppose I did it? Suppose I did tell her how I felt? Suppose I simply stopped acting like the coward Angie so rightfully had described me as, and told Tanya how I felt? Could I do that? 

I scoffed and gripped the wheel a little tighter. Like hell I couldn’t. She didn’t feel the same. I was just being silly at that was final. Nothing more to say about THAT. 

A black car overtook me, and I cursed under my breath. “Idiot! If the police had been here, you would have gotten a ticket!” but in hindsight, I could totally understand why he had swerved past me. I was currently driving ten miles below the speed limit. Maybe I should get a move on. I didn’t want to be late. I sped up slightly and reminded myself to concentrate on the road. But I was on edge. Tanya was roaming around in my head. And more specifically, the way she had looked at me when we were in bed together was roaming around in my head. What had that look been about? A random moment because she had only been partially awake? Or something else? I shook my head slightly. It had been a coincidence and nothing more. I had to stop overanalyzing everything. She probably hadn’t even looked at me in a particular way. I had just been groggy. 

Pull yourself together, Mara, I scolded myself. I had to snap out of my weird mood before I arrived at the hotel. Otherwise Tanya would start to wonder and ask questions. And I couldn’t answer the questions she might have. No. This was my deep dark secret that no one could find out about. Well, except for Angie. I sighed again. Why had I blurted it out like that? It would have been better if I kept my mouth shut. If I had, Angie wouldn’t constantly be nagging me and claim that ‘telling and being rejected was bad, but never telling was way worse’. I didn’t agree. I couldn’t possibly handle another rejection, and once again I cursed myself for having developed feelings for the worst person imaginable. Not that Tanya was bad. God, she wasn’t! But she was unobtainable. Impossible. Why wasn’t I capable of keeping the promise I had made to myself after Lily had left me? That I was done with all that. No more relationships. No fantasies about waking up together and having breakfast. No ridiculous daydreams about curling up on the couch and watching bad television together. I had to banish all those stupid fantasies from my mind and remind myself that this was just a bit of fun. A casual thing that absolutely shouldn’t be confused with anything else. And that was just how things were, so I might as well get a grip and start acting normal right now. From now on, there would be no more warm feelings swirling around in my belly when I looked at Tanya. Period.

I arrived at the hotel. I parked the car and tried my best to look elegant when I exited. I was after all wearing a dress today. I slammed the car door shut behind me and quickly checked my purse. I had forgotten my press card, but I reckoned it wouldn’t be a problem. I was pretty sure I would be let in anyway. I chuckled quietly to myself as I crossed the parking lot and headed towards the hotel. I was probably starting to become a familiar face around here. I tried not to wince as I walked. My feet weren’t too happy about being trapped in high heeled boots. Maybe I should have worn flats. Or maybe I should teach myself to actually walk in high heels. That would probably be better. 

I reached the large doors to the hotel and as usual, Fred was waiting for me. He was wearing his usual black suit and sunglasses, and he looked up when he spotted me. His voice was as crisp as ever as he said: “Follow me, please.”

“Okay.” Man, that guy was strict! No ‘good evening’ or ‘how do you do’. Just ‘follow me’. If this happened again, maybe I could tell Tanya that I didn’t need to be collected by a bodyguard. I could find my way to her room on my own. Fred was actually starting to give me the creeps for some reason though I wasn’t completely sure why. Maybe it was the dark suit. The fact that he wore sunglasses inside. Or maybe just because I could see his gun belt. 

Fred silently lead me into the lobby where Beth was busy on her iPad. But she looked up and smiled nonetheless when she saw me. “Good evening, miss Swanson!”

“Hi,” I said and returned the smile she was sending me. That was certainly a very different greeting. I liked Beth’s more friendly approach.

“Miss Swanson. Please follow me,” Fred said impatiently. He was already heading towards the elevator. 

Okay, okay. I flashed Beth something similar to an apologetic smile and then I hurried after Mr. Very Serious Bodyguard. I knew that he wasn’t exactly getting paid for being friendly, but still, this was a bit extreme. 

Fred let me into the elevator and pushed a button. The doors slurped closed behind us. 

“We’re not heading to the restaurant?” I asked and raised an eyebrow slightly. If we were going to the restaurant, Fred had just pushed the wrong button. 

“No, we’re going to miss Goldstein’s room. Miss Goldstein is waiting for you there,” he said plainly and his tone more than suggested that I shouldn’t argue with him. 

“Okay.” I didn’t really have any reason to argue with him. I was more than fine with being taken to Tanya’s room. The restaurant was a public place. And that meant that I couldn’t greet her in the way I wanted to greet her. 

Fred said absolutely nothing as the elevator took us up, and I started wondering how the guy was in private. Was he as ice cold as he was when he was at work? I couldn’t really picture him smile or laugh.

After a moment, the elevator dinged, and the doors slurped open. Fred stepped out in the hallway and did this little ‘come along’ motion towards me. Like an obedient dog I trailed after him as he went down the hallway. My stomach did this flip flop thing as we neared Tanya’s room, and I tried to get myself under control. I was struggling enough as it was. I didn’t need to look like a flushed idiot as well.   
How was I supposed to greet her? Was I supposed to go right for it or settle for a “hey”?

Fred stopped so abruptly I almost walked right into him. I had sort of been lost in my own thoughts and hadn’t realized we were standing right outside the door to Tanya’s hotel room. I could hear the faint sound of Tanya’s voice behind the door. Was she talking to someone in there? It sure sounded like it. Fred knocked on the door once, and Tanya said, “come in!” before continuing the conversation. 

Fred opened the door and then stepped aside so I could slip inside. 

“Thanks,” I said and tried to sound genuine as slipped past him. 

He didn’t react to that. Instead he said: “phone, please.”

“Right.” I knew the drill by now. I willingly found the phone in my purse and handed it over to Fred. 

“Thank you. You can collect it from Beth when you leave,” he said shortly. Then he turned around and left the hotel room. 

I turned around too. To face Tanya. She was sitting on the bed, engaged in a phone conversation, but she still looked up at me and smiled. I didn’t want to bother her, so I mouthed ‘hey’ and sat down on the plushy chair. This gave me the perfect opportunity to look at her. She was wearing a sleeveless, red sheath dress that looked to be incredibly tight. Her blonde hair was hanging loose and lightly curly down to her waist. Her grey eyes had been framed by thick, long lashes, and the shade of her lipstick matched the dress to perfection. She shifted a bit in her sitting position on the bed, and I was immediately drawn to her long legs. Most of them was exposed. The dress was cut just above her knees, and in her sitting position, it had ridden up further. I looked at her feet and admired the sandals she was wearing tonight. They were very pretty, with straps that tied around her shapely ankles. But I also wondered how the heck she was capable of walking in those. Six inches of heels. Definitely.

“I know,” Tanya said into the phone and interrupted my moment of ogling. “Mhmm,” she continued. “No, of course not. What? No, dad. Not at all.” 

Oh. So it was her dad on the phone. I didn’t know why that came as such a surprise to me. It shouldn’t. I mean, obviously, Tanya had parents. 

“I don’t know when I’ll be able to come home,” Tanya said, and I suddenly noted that she sounded pretty tired. “I’m busy with shooting right now. We’re almost wrapping up, and then there’s the Golden Globe Award. I have to be there for that. I was wondering if you and mom- no. Okay. No, no, it’s fine. You’re busy. I understand.” 

I tilted my head now. I had only heard Tanya’s part of the conversation, but it sure sounded like her parents didn’t want to come to the Golden Globe Award. Why the hell not? Their daughter was nominated. They should be there to support her. 

Tanya glanced up at me, and maybe she could sense that I was listening in on her conversation, because she said: “you know what, dad, I better get some dinner. Yes. Okay. Give my best to mom. Bye.” She ended the call, put the phone down and glanced up at me. 

“Hey,” I said and quickly flashed her a smile. 

“Hi,” Tanya said and returned the smile. She glanced back at the phone she had just dumped on her pillow. “That was my dad.” 

“Yeah, I figured.”

Tanya rolled her eyes a little and shook her head slightly. “And of course he was delightful as ever.”

I tilted my head and raised an eyebrow. “You wanna...elaborate that?”

“I don’t really have a great relationship with my parents. It actually works best when we’re not speaking at all,” Tanya said and laughed a little, but I was pretty sure she was serious. 

“Oh. I’m...I’m sorry about that.” 

“Don’t be,” Tanya said lightly as she stood from the bed. “It’s hardly your fault.” She came over to the chair I was sitting in. She put her hands on the armrests, bent slightly at the knees and then she kissed me. Surprisingly tenderly and deeply.

I was surprised but not unhappy, and I immediately returned the kiss. I even felt tempted to throw my arms around her neck and pull her right into my lap. Who needed food anyway?

“You look nice,” Tanya said as we broke apart. “Very nice. Purple is a great color on you.” 

“Thank you. You look... You look good too.” I rolled my eyes because ‘good’ was definitely an understatement. But it was the only thing I could come up with in my moment of disappointment over the ended kiss. 

“Thanks,” she chuckled as she rose to her full height. “Are you ready to have some dinner?” 

“Yeah, definitely.” 

“Good.” She looked around, appeared to be considering something, and then she went back to the bed and grabbed her phone. 

“Something wrong?” I asked slightly confused.

She didn’t answer. Instead she tapped on her phone and brought it up to her ear. After a few seconds she said: “Fred? Please ask Beth to bring miss Swanson’s phone up. Thank you.” She ended the call and tossed the phone onto the bed again. 

I raised an eyebrow again. “You’re kicking me out? I haven’t even had dinner yet.” 

Tanya laughed. “No, you idiot. I’m not kicking you out. I simply find the sequestration of your phone to be ridiculous.”

“Oh.”

“I trust you,” Tanya said plainly. 

I ‘oh’ed’ again and felt ridiculous when my cheeks heated up again. 

It didn’t even take a full minute before I heard footsteps and there was a brisk knock on the door. 

“Come in,” Tanya said.

Beth stepped inside the hotel room. She looked as perfect and professional as ever in a pink dress and with her hair in a neat braid. She smiled broadly as she came over to me with her hand stretched out. 

“Here’s your phone, miss Swanson.”

“Thanks,” I said and accepted the phone. I returned the smile. I couldn’t help it. She had a very contagious smile. 

“You’re welcome,” Beth said and turned to Tanya. “Just let me know if you need anything else, miss Goldstein.” 

“Thank you, Beth, but I don’t believe we’ll be needing anything else. Just take the night off.” 

“Thank you, miss Goldstein,” Beth said earnestly and smiled sweetly at Tanya. “I think I’ll be watching some Netflix then.” She left the hotel room and gently closed the door behind her.

Tanya chuckled lightly as she turned her attention back to me. “We’ll be fine on our own, won’t we miss Swanson?” 

“We sure will,” I drawled as I slipped the phone back inside my purse. I had gotten used to Fred taking my phone when I was at the hotel, but I couldn’t pretend that it wasn’t uncomfortable. My entire life was in that phone. Suppose something happened to it? It felt a lot safer, knowing that it was in my purse. 

“Are you ready to head downstairs and have some dinner?” Tanya asked with a slightly crooked smile.

“I am,” I confirmed.

“Then let’s get going,” she said briskly and grabbed my hand. “Come on.” 

I felt almost ridiculously happy as we walked down the hallway hand in hand. When we reached the elevator, Tanya pushed the button and so we waited. 

“Where’s Genevieve hanging out tonight?” I asked. I had seen no signs of the cat in Tanya’s room. 

“Genevieve is with Beth,” Tanya replied. “I thought it better that she wasn’t in my room tonight.”

“And why is that?” I asked innocently. 

“Because I want to enjoy my dessert in peace,” she said simply and gave my hand a squeeze. Then she turned her head and smirked slightly at me. 

“Oh,” I said and grinned. 

The elevator dinged as it arrived, and Tanya and I stepped in. After a second, the doors slurped close behind us, and Tanya pushed the button that would take us to the restaurant.

“Straight to the restaurant this time?” I asked, still completely innocently. “No funny business in the elevator?” 

Tanya raised a perfectly sculped eyebrow. “Would you like to have funny business in the elevator, Mara?”

I muttered something incoherent. Sure, I was hungry and everything, but I wasn’t completely opposed to “funny business” in the elevator. 

Tanya chuckled richly and gave my hand a squeeze. “What am I going to do with you, Mara?” 

“I dunno. What do you WANT to do to me?” I asked boldly. 

“Many things,” Tanya said without skipping a beat. Her grey eyes roamed over me. “Thank you for wearing that dress tonight. You look absolutely... edible.” 

Fuck. My stomach did that thing again. “Is that so?”

“Mhmm,” she said simply and then she was squeezing my hand again. “Delicious.”

I had conveniently enough forgotten that I was hungry, and right now the only thing I could think about was how I wouldn’t mind a bit of funny business in the elevator. Unfortunately enough, my stomach   
didn’t quite agree and rumbled loudly. 

Tanya went from chuckling to actually laughing. “I appreciate your enthusiasm, miss Swanson.” 

“I hate my stomach,” I mumbled. 

“Don’t do that. I quite like your stomach. It’s soft yet... firm.” 

I groaned out loud. “Could you not?”

“Got a problem?” she asked, and now she was the one who sounded totally innocent. 

“I’ve got several.”

“And I’m sure I can help you with all of them,” Tanya said smoothly.

“Presumptuous,” I accused. 

“Hardly.” 

I couldn’t help but laugh. She was so full of herself, but for whatever reason I didn’t find it to be annoying. Not anymore. Instead I found it to be rather endearing. I smiled at her and hoped that I didn’t look like a lovesick puppy. 

The elevator stopped and Tanya and I stepped out and into the restaurant. We quickly found a table and settled down by it. 

“So?” Tanya said as she grabbed for her menu. “What are you in the mood for?” 

“Steak,” I said immediately.

Tanya looked up, seemed amused. “Steak?”

“Mhmm. Steak.”

“Yes, why not,” she said and closed the menu again. “Steak it is. And champagne?” 

“Am I driving home tonight?” I asked nonchalantly. 

“No,” Tanya said. She was practically scoffing. “Of course you’re not.” 

“Good. Then I’d like some champagne.” 

There wasn’t far from thought to action, and Tanya quickly waved down one of the waiters. She ordered steak and French fries for both of us. And champagne. 

“Yes, miss Goldstein,” the waiter said in that ‘you-can-have-whatever-you-want’-tone. After having written down our orders, he took off. 

“So...” Tanya said and reached for my hands. 

“So,” I echoed and felt every bit delighted as I put my hands on the table so she could take them. And she did. 

“How have you been?” she asked and began stroking the pad of her thumb over the soft spot between my thumb and index finger. 

“Pretty good. Work’s been busy, though. You know what it’s like.” 

“That I do,” she nodded. “Before my dad called, I was spending the evening arguing with a French director.”

I raised an eyebrow. “Why?” 

“He had a role for me,” Tanya said with a shrug. “And a pretty good one too. But unfortunately also one that craved a teeny, tiny thing...”

“And what was that?” 

“That I took off my bra,” she scoffed. “For an explicit love scene...” 

“Oh.” I tried not to wince. This was not my business to wince about. At all. 

“I’m not gonna do it,” Tanya said lightly. “I can handle an underwear scene. But a topless scene? No thanks.” 

“Are you upset that you won’t get the part?” I asked.

“Not really. I’m sure there will be other offers.”

“From Warner Bros?” I blurted. 

Tanya raised an eyebrow. “What little bird has been singing in your ear, miss Swanson?” 

“My boss. I mean, she mentioned that Warner Bros might be interested in you...”

“Did she now? Well, she’s not wrong,” Tanya said amused. “It’s true, I have been contacted by Warner Bros. Some sort of action movie. And that’s all I can tell you.”

“Oh my god, are you gonna play an action heroine?!”

“No comment,” Tanya chuckled. “Let’s talk about something else, shall we?” 

“Fine, fine,” I complained. “What do you wanna talk about?”

“You.”

I scoffed. “Why?” 

“Why not?” she teased. “Tell me more about that ski resort your parents own.”

“It’s pretty well visited,” I said. “Very popular, actually.” 

“I bet it is. Do you know how to ski?” 

“You bet. I’m pretty sure skiing was the first thing I did after being born,” I joked. “Do you know how to ski?” 

“I haven’t got the faintest,” Tanya chuckled. 

“But you know how to ride. I haven’t got a clue how to do this. I’m actually pretty scared of horses.”

“You are? That’s a shame.”

I turned my palms upwards so our fingers could interlace. “Where in Montana did you grow up?” 

Tanya immediately looked slightly hesitant as she said: “Dixon.” 

“Oh. Is it nice there?” 

“Not in particular,” she said, but then corrected herself: “the view is nice.”

She didn’t fool me. “You don’t really like talking about where you lived, do you?” 

“Not really.” 

I gave her hand a very soft squeeze. “Can I ask why?” 

Tanya did her best to smirk. “Are we getting personal again, Swanson?” 

“Yeah, I guess we are. I mean, obviously, you don’t have to answer if you don’t want to.” 

She seemed to consider it. For so long, I actually started to think that she wasn’t gonna answer, but then she said: “I grew up as a gay teen in a small town. I’m sure you get it.”

“I do. I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be,” she said lightly and shook her head a little. “That was then, and this is now.” 

“Yeah, but still...”

“I suppose we could have lived anywhere, really,” Tanya interrupted. “It wouldn’t have changed anything. My parents are quite religious.”

“Oh. I see.” 

“I came out when I fourteen,” Tanya said nonchalantly. “Or at least I tried to. I had fallen in love with a local girl and thought it was a good idea to tell my parents. It didn’t exactly go well. My dad yelled a lot. For a religious man, he sure knew a lot of curse words.”

“I’m really sorry, Tanya.” 

“It’s okay,” she said with a light shrug. “It is what it is. Not much to do about it.” 

“And that’s why you don’t have a close relationship with your parents.” 

“Yes,” Tanya nodded. “I never talked about my sexuality with my parents again. I figured it wouldn’t go well the second time either. I even fake dated guys while I lived in Dixon. It was just easier, you know?”

“That must have been terrible.”

Tanya offered a slight grin. “I didn’t stick around for long. By the time I was sixteen I left for New York to join the drama class at Juilliard. My parents weren’t thrilled. I imagined they wanted something different for me.” 

“They don’t like that you’re an actress?” 

“God no,” Tanya laughed and shook her head. “Apparently, that’s not a ‘real’ career.”

“Then what is a ‘real’ career?” 

“I have no idea.”

I frowned. “That is messed up, Tanya. All of it is messed up.” 

“I suppose it is,” she agreed. “But not much I can do about it. I’m just glad I don’t have to live there anymore.” 

“You mentioned that you see them once a year, though,” I remembered. 

“I do. Once a year I go home and pretend to be straight,” Tanya said. She wasn’t laughing anymore. “And that’s tough but tolerable. Rather that than attempting to come out again. Last time I had to withstand yelling from my father and bullying from Erica Simmons.”

“Erica Simmons?” 

“The girl I had fallen in love with. She found out and started calling me names. None of them were very nice.”

I could easily put two and two together. “Was she the one who called you ‘Tanny’?” 

“She was. You see, before the whole coming out thing, she and I were good friends.”

“I see.”

“Obviously, things are very different here,” Tanya continued. “But coming out still isn’t exactly connected with anything good. I suppose I’m scared. Which is pretty ridiculous, but-“

“It’s not ridiculous at all, Tanya,” I said softly and gave her hand a light squeeze. “Coming out IS scary. No matter how old you are.” 

“All eyes would be on me if I revealed that I’m gay,” she said and for a second her face tensed. But then she chuckled and broke the tension. “Look at us getting personal again.” 

“I like getting to know you,” I said simply. 

She smiled. “Now tell me more about Colorado and your upbringing, Swanson.”

And so I did. I started talking and didn’t stop until our food and champagne arrived. We toasted to nothing in particular and then dug into our food. Which was absolutely delicious. 

“I should allow myself to eat steak more often,” Tanya joked. 

“I suppose you’re on a diet or something, right?” I asked and silently felt sorry for her. 

“I am,” she confirmed. “I have to. Don’t tell anyone I cheated tonight.”

“I won’t,” I chuckled. “Your secrets are safe with me.” 

“Good,” she smiled and lifted her glass of champagne again. “Cheers, miss Manson.” 

That old joke again. “Cheers, Greyson.” 

She laughed heartedly. “A shame the Tammie Greyson cover was blown so quickly. I quite liked that name.” 

“Me, too. But I like Tanya Goldstein even better.” Shit. That was definitely a little too revealing. 

But Tanya didn’t even flinch. “You do, do you?” she asked calmly.

“Mhmm,” I said and busied myself with taking another and larger sip of my champagne. I immediately coughed slightly.

Tanya grinned a little. “Careful. I’d be upset if you choked.” 

“I’m fine,” I croaked. 

“Good. Let’s keep it that way.” 

“Right.” I cut another piece of my steak and stuffed it into my mouth. I had to agree with her. It was an awesome steak. It almost melted on my tongue, and I found myself moaning around a mouthful. 

Tanya raised an eyebrow. “Interesting sound you’ve got there, miss Swanson.”

“Shut up.”

She laughed. “Did I hit a nerve?” 

“Shut up,” I repeated but without much bite to my words. 

“Rude,” she scolded. “You should be a little nice to me.”

“And why is that?” I challenged. 

“Well....” she leaned back in her chair and it didn’t take long before I felt her sharp stiletto heel brush against my ankle.

“Careful!” I hissed. “I’m actually wearing stockings, Goldstein!”

“Yes, so I noticed,” she smirked. Her sharp heel disappeared from my ankle as she bowed her head over her food once more, and I tried not to moan the loss. We were eating right now. That’s what I   
should be concentrate on. There would be plenty of time for other things later. 

I coughed again and had to take another sip of my champagne.


	23. In Her Arms

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> NSFW

“Would you like some dessert?” Tanya offered after having downed the last of her champagne. 

“No thanks. I think I’m good.”

“You’re sure? Not even some ice cream?” she said with just a hint of teasing to her tone. 

“I can’t. I’m stuffed.” 

“How about some more champagne then?”

“No. I’ll end up getting tipsy.”

Tanya chuckled. “And we can’t have that, can we? No. I prefer you sober.” She shifted a bit on her chair again and I felt her sharp, high heel brush against my ankle.

“Stockings,” I reminded her, and the reminder almost came out a bit too sharply. 

“Are you saying that I can’t rip them? Not even a little bit?” she asked innocently. 

“Well, it’s not like it’s my only pair...” I trailed off when I felt her heel brush against my leg. A bit higher this time. I did my best not to shiver and let her know how much this affected me. We had been   
flirting throughout the dinner, and I had started aching a while ago. But my aching was grossly overshadowed by my need to do things to her. I wanted her. I had managed to sit and eat dinner, but now I couldn’t wait any longer. I had to have her. Right now. 

I leaned forward and did a little wiggle, so her ankle ended up trapped between my feet. I felt enormously satisfied when I saw her inhale a little too sharply and then bite her lip. Unlike me, she wasn’t trying to hide how I affected her. 

“You wanna get out of here?” I asked and made sure to keep my voice completely casual while I squeezed her ankle under the table. 

“Yes, I think we’re done here,” she said lightly. “Come on.” and with that she stood from the chair and extended her hand out towards me. 

I immediately took her hand and let her pull me up from the chair. The slinky waiter appeared out of nowhere and asked if there was anything else he could get us. 

“No thanks, that’ll be all,” Tanya said silkily. Her gaze was resting on me. “I don’t think we’ll be requiring further assistance tonight, will we, Mara?”

“No, I think we’re pretty good to go,” I said and tried to concentrate as Tanya squeezed my fingers. 

The waiter took off, and so did Tanya and I. He went back towards the kitchen, and we headed out of the restaurant. Soon we were back in the elevator, and Tanya smirked a little at me. She was still holding my hand, and I was definitely putting too much thought into that little gesture. The warmth was swirling in my belly again, and I swallowed something as she squeezed my fingers again. It’s not like that, Mara. It isn’t. Remember that. She was just flirting and messing around like she so often did. I shouldn’t overanalyze that. It was ridiculous. 

“Penny for your thought?” Tanya asked lazily as she gave my fingers another squeeze. 

“I’m not thinking about anything,” I said and felt like a coward all over again. 

One of Tanya’s perfect eyebrow lifted, and she made a point of jutting out her bottom lip in a pout. “Not even about me? Am I not interesting anymore, Swanson?” 

I scoffed. “I didn’t say that.”

“So you DO find me interesting?” now she was definitely teasing again. 

“Would I be here if I didn’t?” I nonchalantly retorted. 

“No, I don’t suppose you would,” she conceded and there was that chuckle again. She squeezed my fingers once more. “I find you to be quite interesting as well, miss Swanson.”

“I can’t imagine why,” I blurted out before I could stop myself. 

“Oh, believe me, I could come up with a hundred good reasons,” Tanya drawled. 

“Well, I’m all years, Goldstein.”

But before Tanya could get the chance to say anything, the elevator dinged, and the doors opened. Tanya and I stepped out in the hallway, and she gave my fingers another squeeze as we began the walk   
back to her room. 

“You look so nice in that dress,” she told me. “Did you wear that especially for me?” 

I scoffed. 

“Did you?” she chuckled and did this little movement that send her blonde locks tumbling around her face.

“Well, I wasn’t exactly going anywhere else.”

“I hope nope,” Tanya said, and I immediately picked up on the sudden edge to her voice. Was she... Was she jealous? No. Of course not. She wouldn’t be. Would she? 

No. Stop it, Mara. You are making things up again. Control your fucking mind.

“There we are,” Tanya said, stopping abruptly and giving the door to her room a gentle kick. It swung open immediately, and Tanya and I stepped in. As soon as the door closed behind us, I turned to her   
and did the only thing I had been wanting to do all day. I kissed her. Well, no, first I gently pushed her up against the wall. And then I kissed her. I wasn’t being the least bit hesitant, but neither was she. 

She eagerly returned the kiss and threw her arms around my neck. She was all but squeezing me, but I couldn’t care less. Her lips against mine. That was the only thing I could think about. The softness of her lips. How she tasted sweet and champagne-y yet crisp. The best flavor in the world. And she was sighing into my mouth. Her arms disappeared from around my neck, and I would have mourned the loss if it hadn’t been for the way her fingers started combing through my hair. I took her bottom lip between my teeth and pulled gently. Her reaction was to tug slightly at my hair, and I could feel blunt fingernails scratch lightly against my scalp. It was obvious that she liked that, so I repeated the action, but this time I pulled a tad harder. She moaned at that, and of course that only spurred me on. I replaced the tugging with teasing nibbling. Was I trying to ensure that her lips would be swollen tomorrow? Yes, perhaps I was. I would be totally fine with knowing that I had made Tanya’s lips swollen. I realized that I hadn’t done much with my hands up until now, and I immediately rectified that by letting them wander to her waist. I did nothing to hide my enthusiasm as I squeezed her waist. I earned myself another moan and decided that now was the perfect time to switch things up a little. I went from nibbling at her bottom lip to lightly tracing her lips with the very tip of my tongue, making sure to give little pecks in between, and then I finally teased her mouth open with the tip of my tongue. Tanya moaned again and seemed to tether slightly as I slipped my tongue inside her mouth. I gripped her waist harder, pulled her closer to me. Her fingers tightened in my hair, and if I didn’t know any better, I would say that she was trying to rip it right out of my scalp. At the current time, I don’t think I even would have protested if she did. Right now I could only think about kissing her, about the way I was exploring her mouth with my tongue. And I marveled at how she didn’t try and take control. Not even in the slightest. She was simply melting into the kiss exactly like I was. I couldn’t get enough. Our tongues intertwined, and there was a moment where I wasn’t sure whether I was sucking hers of if it was in fact the other way around. But one thing I did know: she probably needed to breathe. And so did I. So I broke the kiss and took a step back to look at her. Tanya opened her eyes and looked back at me. Her grey eyes had clouded over and become dark. Her cheeks were flushed, and she had a teeny tiny smirk on her lips. 

“Well, well,” she said, and it was so obvious that she was trying to sound cocky when she actually was out of breath. 

“Mhmm,” I said and shamelessly moved my hands to her ass and squeezed. 

Tanya hissed. “Are you trying to give me a bruise or something?” 

“I’d never,” I assured as I went from squeezing to lightly palming. I could feel the heat from her skin under my hand, the fabric of her dress, and... not much else. Interesting. Now I had a theory to test.   
And I did that by moving my hands away from her ass and giving her a shove, so she was trapped between me and the wall. I ignored her little whine of protest and grabbed a handful of her dress so I could ruck it up. Tanya gasped slightly and went from protesting to ooh’es of encouragement. I stared right into her eyes as I wiggled a hand in between her thighs, and I immediately moaned at what I found. Slick warmth and nothing else. 

“Is it laundry day again?” I asked. My goal had been to sound dry and unimpressed, but I didn’t succeed at all. I sounded exactly like how I felt. Horny. And out of breath.

“No,” Tanya said simply, and I could feel her part her legs further. 

“Presumptuous of you, Goldstein,” I commented. 

“Is it though? Everything is working out exactly how I pictured it,” she retorted and wiggled slightly. 

“Oh yeah? And what did you picture would happen next?” I inquired as I gave her a light stroke from entrance to clit. 

She hissed in response and wiggled her hips, clearly trying to grind herself against my finger. Maybe that was how she had pictured things to go. Me doing this to her like I had when we were in my apartment, but the thing was, this wasn’t quite how I had pictured things to go. I wanted something different. I wanted something I hadn’t been able to stop thinking about since the last time I saw her. I wanted her in my mouth, and I wanted it right now. I pushed her dress up until it was bunched around her waist. Then I slipped my finger through her folds again. “God, you’re so wet!”

“Quite,” she said simply and did this little persuading wiggle again. 

“No-no-no,” I teased as I withdrew my finger again. “Not like that, Goldstein.” 

“How then? If you’re planning on giving me some crap about being patient, I swear to god-“

I shut her up by kissing her soundly on the lips, and when I pulled back again, I said: “I’d never do that. You should know me better.” 

Tanya was not impressed. “You’re stalling, Mara!”

“No, I’m not,” I denied. Even though I was stalling a little. I couldn’t help it. Riling her up was just so entertaining. 

She huffed. “Then what are you doing? Waiting for me to give you the go ahead signal? Or just annoying me on purpose? Should I take matters in my own hand, hmm? Is that what you’re hoping for?”

Okay, hearing her talk about ‘taking matters in her own hand’ was just too much. I kissed her again. Kissed her until she was gasping for air. Then I pulled back and told her: “no. But I have a different   
idea...”

“Really?” Tanya said and sounded positively sarcastic. She clearly didn’t believe me at all. 

“Mhmm,” I smirked. “Try not to make too much noise...” and with that I dropped to my knees in front of her, so my mouth was in direct line with her pussy. 

“Oh,” Tanya said. “Now things certainly are starting to-“ the first lick of my tongue made her shut up immediately, and despite being on my knees, I felt like I was the one to hold all the power. I licked her again and hummed into her sex when I felt her fingers in my hair again. Now she was definitely pulling. And I definitely didn’t care. I grasped the back of her thighs, pulled her closer to my mouth as I parted her folds with my tongue. Teasing her without actually giving her what she wanted. 

“Mara!” she hissed and yanked at my hair. “Fuck me!”

Nope, not yet. That was what I would have told her if I had been in any position to talk. I wanted to savor her a little first. Really taste her. Right now it wasn’t as much about the endgame as it was about the buildup. That’s why I slowly dragged my tongue through her folds once more. Fucking hell, she was so wet! Dripping. I gave the back of her thighs a half-hard squeeze, and I heard her moan out loud. 

She couldn’t keep still but kept shifting and wiggling in an attempt to push herself further against my mouth. But her attempts were lost on me. I wasn’t in a hurry at all. I swirled my tongue again, let the tip linger at her entrance to gather more of her wetness. She said my name again, made my knees buckle and disturbed what I was doing. 

Tanya whined in protest when my tongue wavered for a split second, and I could have laughed at her impatience. I gave her thighs another firm squeeze and put my tongue back where it belonged. Maybe I should stop teasing her. Maybe I was being a little unfair. I gave her a little taste of what was to come and flicked the tip of my tongue over her clit. The whining was immediately replaced with a breathy moan. I felt more wetness drip from her and lost concentration for a split second again when I felt my own pussy clench in need. Tanya tugged at my hair in what I could only describe as a “get back to work”-manner. I imagined that she was biting her lip and squeezing her eyes shut. I couldn’t wait to strip her down and be on top of her later. 

I dragged my tongue back to her entrance and pressed lightly against it as I nuzzled the tip of my nose against her clit. 

“Mara! Fuck me!” Tanya moaned. There hadn’t been a “please” in it, but I could definitely hear the pleading in her voice. God, I loved when her voice went all raspy and breathy at the same time. It wasn’t all for nothing that her voice constantly was compared to the legendary Lauren Bacall’s voice. Right now I sure as hell couldn’t hear the difference. But I could hear that Tanya was getting increasingly desperate, and I thought to myself that maybe enough was enough. I had teased her enough. But first there was just one more thing I needed to do. I moved my right hand down the back of her thigh and grasped onto her ankle. I lifted it up off the ground and encouraged her to drape her leg over my shoulder, so her pussy was in more direct line with my mouth. The position was a tad precarious, but I wasn’t planning on letting her fall over. 

“Oh fuck!” she cursed. “Mara-“

She didn’t need to work herself up in a frenzy. I wiggled my tongue inside her and could feel how she was fisting my hair now. Or trying to. There wasn’t that much to grab onto. I curled my tongue and   
didn’t have to search for long before I found her g-spot. She cried out and yanked at my hair again. God, she was so fucking hot! I couldn’t be bothered to tease her anymore. Instead I curled my tongue, thrusted it in and out of her pussy and made sure to effectively hit her g-spot every time. 

“Oh god, Mara! I’m- fuck!” that was definitely more of a sob than a sentence, really. I was driving her mad, that much was obvious. As was the relief seeping through her voice. Relief over that I was finally   
fucking her. I moved my hands up and grasped her ass firmly, felt her tether just a tiny bit as she stood on one leg, but I wasn’t gonna let her fall. I would be there to catch her before that happened. She moaned again, and I felt the walls of her pussy grip my tongue. She wasn’t gonna last long. I had already driven her to the point of madness. That was more than fine with me. I couldn’t wait to hear her unravel. I couldn’t wait to hear her call out for me. I sped up my thrusts and for a split second I could feel her pussy clench around my tongue, but then she huffed out a breath and the clenching stopped. 

It didn’t take me long to figure out what she was doing. She was holding back on purpose. Did she think I wouldn’t notice? Maybe this was her thing. Getting closer and closer to the edge and then denying herself at the very last minute. Did that turn her on? I had to find out later. But for right now, I didn’t want her to hold back. I wanted her to come, and I wanted to come right now. I moved one hand away from her ass and let it wander to her front. Trailed it down until I could find her clit with my fingertip. 

“Fuck!” Tanya shouted, and I heard a faint thud. What was that? Did she throw her head back against the wall? It sure sounded like it. But it didn’t sound like she was hurt in anyway. When I began rubbing her clit with two fingers with two fingers, she straight up wailed my name and then something that sounded vaguely like “so close”. I couldn’t quite make it out. It was too garbled. She tugged and pulled at my hair, and I could feel her leg on my shoulder trembling. I recognized that trembling. I knew exactly what it meant. I thrusted my tongue faster again and made sure to stimulate her clit. There would be no holding back this time. I wouldn’t allow it. I had yearned to make her come. Had thirsted after it, and I refused to wait anymore. She was ready. I could feel that. Perhaps she was playing a little game with me again. Perhaps she had sensed my confidence and had decided to remind me who was boss so to speak by controlling her orgasm. 

Let’s see how you control this then, Goldstein, I smugly thought to myself as almost withdrew my tongue so only the tip of it was still inside her. Then I plunged it right back inside her pussy and gave her clit a pinch the exact moment I hit her g-spot. 

The wail she let out was the exact opposite of controlled. Her voice was tight with arousal, the “Mara” spilling from her lips sounded more like “Maaaraaa” than anything else. Her leg trembled on my shoulder, her fingers twitched in my hair, her pussy clenched around my tongue. I was effectively trapped for a moment, but I had zero protests about it. I gave her time. When I curled my tongue again and found her g-spot, I was being much gentler with her. I wanted to prolong her orgasm for as long as possible. I wanted to make sure she really got the full benefit of it. 

Tanya wailed again and I felt how she slumped forward slightly. Then the taste of her filled my mouth. I could feel her wetness on my chin, on my fingers and I instantly knew that that hadn’t just been a “regular” orgasm. Now I felt immensely proud of myself and cocky as hell. I did not know she could do that. And I wanted her to do it again. Once her walls had stopped fluttering, I began wiggling my tongue again, but this time I was rewarded with a light shove and the faintest little “no” I had ever heard. With my tongue still buried inside her, I looked up at her. Her skin was flushed, her eyes was closed, and her voice sounded like she had been smoking for forty years when she said: “my leg hurts.” 

Oh. That was a fair point actually. She was standing on one leg and had nothing but six inches of heel and my grip on her to rely on. I withdrew my tongue from her and grasped her ankle so I could ease her leg off my shoulder. As soon as she had both feet on the ground, she stalked away from the wall and over to the bed where she completely gracelessly let herself fall down. Her dress was still bunched around her waist, and she made no attempt to fix it whatsoever. She just laid there with her eyes closed and her chest rising and falling quickly. I rose to my full height and winced slightly. It had been a while since I last had been on my knees for anyone. And now I had been for Tanya. Imagine that. I glanced at her. Had she fallen asleep just like that? If that was the case, I found it to be both amusing and admittedly a tad upsetting. My pussy was throbbing. Someone might as well just have lit a fire between my legs. That was how it felt. That was how much I was aching right now. But if Tanya really had fallen asleep in her post-orgasmic state, well... Then I would have to take care of things myself. I smoothened a hand over my dress and couldn’t quell a chuckle. We were both still dressed, for fuck’s sake. Why hadn’t I ripped her clothes off in a frenzy? That was pretty much what I had imagined doing since the last time I saw her. Ripping her clothes off and then taking her. Well, I had done that, but still...

“Get over here. I don’t want to bask in the afterglow on my own.”

I snickered again. So she wasn’t asleep after all. I walked over to the bed and flopped down next to her. Not on my back, but on my side so I could see her.

Tanya groaned something about not being able to feel her legs, and I couldn’t help but smirk. “Unhappy, Goldstein?”

“Oh yes,” Tanya drawled. “Very.” 

“Mmm, you definitely look very unhappy,” I said and grinned again as I flipped onto my belly. Tanya was pretty much the epitome of post orgasmic bliss right now. 

“You’re absolutely terrible at that,” she drawlingly joked and chuckled richly. 

“Mmm, horrible, right?” I said dryly. 

“Very.” In a flash, Tanya sat up on the bed. She reached down and undid the straps on her shoes. After a second I heard them fall onto the floor with a quiet thud. Then she undid the side zipper in her dress and tugged the red fabric over her head. 

“I wanted to do that,” I protested as she threw the undoubtedly expensive dress onto the floor and bared the strapless, white lace bra she was wearing tonight. 

Tanya ignored me as she swiftly unclasped her bra and send it flying over her shoulder. I shifted to take advantage of the fact that she now was stark naked, but I was stopped by a soft yet firm hand on my back.

“No. Stay where you are,” Tanya said lowly. 

“Why?” I challenged. 

She didn’t answer. Instead I felt her hair tickling the triangle of bare skin at the top of my back. Then her lips was on my skin, and I moaned quietly. Right now that was the only fuel I needed. Her fingers played with the zipper on my dress, and then she was slowly lowering it. 

“Thank you for wearing a dress with a zipper tonight,” she said huskily. She still sounded like she had been a smoker for forty years. 

“You’re welcome,” I breathed and didn’t even attempt to sound cool and casual as she gradually unzipped my dress. I felt strangely vulnerable all the sudden as I lied there with my back to her. Her long hair was tickling my back and she seemed determined to kiss the skin she’d just exposed. I felt goosebumps erupt on my skin. 

“You look so good in purple,” she said, and I shivered because her voice was closer to my ear than what I had expected. I didn’t say anything. Couldn’t say anything. 

“And your body...” she continued and paused as the zipper reached the swell of my ass. “Do you have any idea how magnificent it is?” 

Again, I didn’t answer her. Her way of giving compliments left me feeling like a puddle. 

“I could get addicted to it,” Tanya said as she gave the zipper slow tugs, baring more and more of my panties as she did so. “Yes, I definitely could.” 

“Fuck, Tanya, can’t you just take off my dress already?!” I pleaded. 

She laughed fruitily. “Are we in a hurry, Mara? Somewhere to be, perhaps?” 

“No, of course not-“

“Then we have all night, don’t we?” she asked briskly.

I groaned half in complain, half in need, and for whatever reason, she took mercy on me. She slowly tugged the zipper down past my ass, and she didn’t stop until the dress was fully unzipped. I wiggled in an attempt to get out of the dress, but immediately ceased all action when I felt Tanya’s fingers hook in the thigh high stockings I was wearing tonight. 

“You weren’t lying about those stockings,” she commented with a slight chuckle. “They’re nice.”

I squirmed a little. She had her hands on my legs and I couldn’t fucking keep my cool.

“Keep still,” she mock chided. “I don’t wanna rip them.”

“You are-“

“Unbelievable?” she nonchalantly suggested. “Yes, I know. You’ve told me so a few times already.” and then she was carefully tugging the stockings down my legs. I squirmed again. I had no idea it could be so erotic, having someone take off your stockings. 

“There,” Tanya said. “And I didn’t even rip them.” as she spoke, she moved her hands up my back and began fiddling with the clasp of the black bra I was wearing tonight. 

“Take it off,” I groaned. “Please.”

“’Please’?” she echoed quietly. “No. You don’t have to say please, Mara.” She unclasped the bra, and I felt the cups loosen around me, I tried to wiggle to get rid of the bra, but once again I was stopped when Tanya brushed her hands over the sides of my hips, hooked her fingers in the waistband of my panties. 

“Lift,” she said simply, and I immediately lifted my hips and tried to remember how to breathe as she slid the panties down my legs. She took her time and made sure to brush her hands against the back of my thighs, my calves and finally my ankles. I felt the panties being plucked off my left ankle and then discarded of. 

“Sit up,” Tanya said, and it was the gentlest order she had ever given me. I sat up and felt a little silly in my half-dressed/half undressed state. 

But Tanya didn’t seem amused in the slightest as she gently peeled the dress off of me. Then my bra. She slid the straps down my shoulders and the material fell away. Now I was as bare as she was, but   
processing that thought wasn’t an option. I gasped when I felt her nipples brush against my back. She kissed the side of my neck. “You looked nice in that dress... But you’re even more perfect underneath your clothes. How is that even possible?”

I turned to face her. Grabbed her hand because I wanted her on top of me. But once again, Tanya had other plans. She sat back on the bed and patted her thigh. “Come here.”

I could easily take a hint. I shuffled forward on my knees, shifted and wiggled until I was sitting in her lap like she had requested. I wrapped my legs around her waist and shivered when I felt her hands palm my ass for a moment and then slide up my back. 

“I like these,” Tanya said and bowed her head to kiss the three little birthmarks I had on my left breast. “Very much so.”

I shivered again, because of her kiss and because of the way our nipples brushed together. I could feel the wetness seep out of my pussy. I needed her. Like I needed oxygen. 

She looked up at me. Our eyes met for a moment, and I felt something else than just desire flicker within me. Something that prompted me to cup her cheek. 

She smiled at me. A small smile that wasn’t even that teasing. 

“Tanya, I...” I wasn’t even sure how that sentence was supposed to end, and thanks to the way Tanya suddenly pressed her lips to mine, it didn’t. Whatever else there might have been, was left unsaid. And that was probably for the best. I buried my fingers in her hair and deepened the kiss. Her hands were on my breasts now. Gently kneading and tweaking my nipples. I moaned and felt myself quiver under her hands. The way she was touching me. It was... It was so gentle. So softly. Was this the same woman who had fucked me in an elevator? I could barely believe it. Tanya was so different tonight. Her touches were different. Her kisses were different. Her mouth was warm and soft against mine, and I felt like I was floating in space. Nothing to ground me except for Tanya. Her arms around me felt like a lifeline. Her hands on my breasts send spikes of pleasure through my body, and I couldn’t wait any longer. Didn’t want to wait any longer. I pulled out of the kiss and breathed in her ear: “I need you...” that was the closest I could get to the truth right now. There were other words lingering on my lips. Bigger words. More important words. But I couldn’t say any of them. Because I could imagine how Tanya would stare disbelievingly at me and then everything would be ruined because I couldn’t keep my mouth shut. 

“I know,” she murmured and kissed me again. Deeply and tenderly and once again I was nothing more than a puddle in her arms. A limp thing. 

“Tanya, please,” I whispered. 

“Mhmm,” she hummed. She kept her left hand on my breast, but let her right hand drop lower. My mouth fell open when her fingers brushed over my throbbing clit, and I wiggled on her lap and tried to part my legs further. It wasn’t gonna work out, and Tanya knew that. She chuckled lightly as she peeled my arms off of her neck and gave me a little nudge.

I immediately understood what she was getting at and let myself fall backwards onto the bed. Tanya was immediately with me. Not on top of me, but next to me. She motioned for me to come closer, and I immediately slithered into her arms. It shouldn’t have felt so intimate. Not compared to all the other things we had already done. But it did. And there was absolutely nothing I could do about it. 

Her hands were on my body again. Trailing down my breasts and tweaking my nipples gently as she went. Her right hand wiggled in between my thighs. With the tip of her finger she spread me open, and then I felt her fingers near my entrance. Not slipping inside but gathering my wetness and spreading it all over my clit. 

“Oh!” I moaned and squeezed my eyes shut. My toes were already curling. 

“No, look at me,” Tanya said, and her voice was so low I could barely hear it. “I want you to look at me.”

I could barely do that either. I forced my eyes open and looked into her stormy grey ones as she touched and stroked between my legs. She was rubbing my clit in slow circles now and I gasped. My eyes threatened to snap closed again, and I thought to myself that maybe this was why I had chosen to get on my knees for her. It wasn’t all been about having her as quickly as possible. It was also about how   
I couldn’t look at her. Not when I was feeling all the things I felt. I was afraid she could look right through me and see it all. See all my feelings laid bare. 

“Tanya, please fuck me!” I hissed. That was how we normally talked, what we usually said, but for some reason it sounded hollow now. It sounded wrong compared to all the things I WANTED to say to her. Like, ‘I want more than this.’ Or... ‘I am so in love with you, I could die on the spot’. Those were the words burning on my tongue. Those were the words I felt like I was choking on when she slipped two of her slender fingers inside me and started to stroke me deep and slow. I cried out. Cried out for her. That I could do. That was allowed in this particular situation. 

Tanya smiled at me. I think I smiled back. Or at least I tried. I wasn’t really sure the quivering excuse I mustered could have been taken for an actual smile, but before I could worry further about it, Tanya’s lips were on mine again. Another kiss so soft I could have melted on the spot. My stupid, easily convinced heart thudded against my ribcage in a ridiculously stuttering rhythm. I was pretty sure my pulse was spiking exactly like my desire did when I felt her fingers thump against my g-spot. I buried my fingers in her hair, kissed her deeper as I inhaled the scent of her. She smelled of... passionfruit. Yes. Passionfruit. Rich and spicy. I wasn’t surprised. Nor was I surprised when my pussy clenched around her fingers. The orgasm hadn’t exactly been sneaking up on me. And as opposed to Tanya, I didn’t hold back. I cried out softly against her lips as I came undone. 

Tanya purred in delight over my release. We rolled in the bed. She was on top of me. Smiling down at me. Our legs intertwined. Her hands were on my breasts. Then her mouth. Her mouth, her mouth.... God, her mouth! I lost track of time and place as that mouth of hers was between my thighs. My hands were in her hair as she licked and sucked me straight into a second orgasm and then another. 

Pleasure zinged through me. Sometimes rolling slowly like gentle waves, but never stopping completely. My toes tingled and curled, and my lips could only utter one word. Tanya. She was all I could see, all I could hear. All I could feel. My world had shrunken until it only consisted of her. I yanked at her hair, cried out again.

Tanya responded my sucking harder at my clit, and I unraveled once more. I had reached a state where the lightest touch was enough to make me explode. That was what she had reduced me to. That was what she was doing to me. She was the best one I’d ever had. I could easily say that without lying. Tanya Goldstein had ruined me for everyone else, and very effectively. My thoughts weren’t very coherent at the moment, but I still somehow managed to think that there wouldn’t be anyone else. I didn’t want there to be anyone else. I wanted it to be her. For a very, very long time. 

“Tanya!”

Another slightly purring sound against my pussy, and then that tongue was back. She abandoned my oversensitive clit and licked at my entrance. I was so riled up, only that was almost enough to make me come undone on the spot. I whimpered half in lust, half in something else as she wiggled her tongue inside me and started thrusting it against my g-spot. The haze took over again, and I every last thought I might have had completely got away from me as I felt the pleasure build up within me again. God, it shouldn’t even be possible! It really, really shouldn’t.

“Tanyaaa!” 

Strong fingers gripped my thighs and blonde hair tickled me. I grabbed another fistful of it and tugged. Perhaps a tad too harshly, but Tanya wasn’t complaining. And nor was I as I let out another strangled cry of pleasure. My pussy clenched, clenched, clenched around her tongue, my thighs quivered, and my toes curled and then I was shouting her name as I came undone again. The world faded away as lights popped behind my eyelids. Once again, I was floating somewhere in space, and this time there was nothing to ground me. I rode the wave for as long as possible and then came back to earth with a garbled: “oh god!”

Tanya laughed against my pussy. Maybe she could have kept going and going all night. She probably could, I wouldn’t be the slightest bit surprise if that was the case, but I was starting to feel dizzy, and when the pleasure fizzled out and became those gentle waves, I opened my eyes, grabbed at her shoulder and urged her up. Tanya did as requested and came to lie beside me once more. 

“Had enough, Swanson?” she asked huskily. There was a smear of wetness on her chin, and her lips were glistening. 

“I need a break,” I admitted. 

She chuckled. “Okay.” 

I stretched a bit and briefly wondered how sore I would be tomorrow. “That was...”

“Yeah,” Tanya said and pushed her hair over her shoulder. “I need a cigarette.” 

I raised an eyebrow. “I didn’t know you smoked?”

“I don’t,” she laughed. “But I need a cigarette anyway.”

I laughed along with her. “Right, well, in that case... I need a cigarette too.”

“We’re very good at this,” Tanya observed. 

“We are,” I agreed with her. Maybe I needed a break, but that didn’t mean that she did. I snaked my hand in between her legs and found her clit with the tip of my finger. 

Her body jerked, and she accused me of cheating. 

“I’m not,” I laughed. “I’m just trying to make things a bit more...even.” 

“Oh. Then by all means, make me come, Swanson,” she demanded. 

“You’re so impatient,” I chided as I circled her clit slowly. 

“Tell me something I don’t know. Now. Make. Me. Come.”

“Alright, jeez,” I joked as I circled her clit faster. She was drenched. And sensitive. It didn’t take long before her face screwed up in pleasure and I felt her wetness on my fingers. But I didn’t wanna stop here. I slipped my fingers a bit lower and slipped two digits inside her pussy. There was absolutely no resistance, and I smirked a bit at her when she opened her eyes again. She wasn’t even done coming.   
She was still fluttering. I could feel it. 

“Oh, so that’s how we’re playing,” she said, and for some inexplainable reason, she managed to drawl. 

“I’m not playing any games,” I said. Even though I totally was right now. 

“Sure you aren’t...” Tanya said, and then her hand was cupping my pussy. “But you know what? I am.” And with that, she slipped two fingers inside me. 

I gasped sharply, and Tanya laughed again. “NOW we’re even, Swanson.” She started moving her fingers, and once I had recovered, I did the same. We fell into a rhythm as we gave each other pleasure. 

There were moments where I had to look away from her, where I simply couldn’t look at her any longer. Words were burning on my tongue. Forbidden words. Forbidden words that could ruin everything. 

Tanya commented on how beautiful I looked when I was biting my lip. What she didn’t know was that I was biting the words back before they came tumbling from my lips. I couldn’t let the hazes of pleasure cloud my judgement. I couldn’t risk those words popping out of me because I was coming and wasn’t aware what I was saying......

There wasn’t much light left in the hotel room when Tanya’s energy finally fizzled out. Both of us were laying panting. Tanya’s hip was slung over my waist once more, and her hair was in my face. 

“Well...” I said and made no attempt at brushing her hair away from my face. 

“Yeah,” she said, and it rather sounded like she was marveling. 

“I kinda wanna do that again tomorrow night,” I said with a grin. That wasn’t too revealing, was it? No. I was just being playful. That was all. 

“I wish we could,” Tanya groaned. 

I frowned even though she couldn’t see it. “And why can’t we?” 

“Because I have to go to New York tomorrow.”

“Seriously?”

“Mhmm. We’re shooting the last scene.”

“Oh. That sucks. I mean, not that you’re shooting a scene. Obviously, that doesn’t sucks, but it’s a bit of a bummer that you’re not here.”

“It is,” Tanya agreed and pulled her hair away from my face. “Come with me.” 

“To New York?” 

“Mhmm.”

“Oh, come on,” I laughed. “You don’t mean that.” 

“I don’t?” she half-chuckled. “No, I suppose I don’t.”

I laughed again. “Soooo, can I spend the night here?” 

“Do you want to?” Tanya asked lowly. 

“Uhmm, let’s see. Yeah. I want to.”

“Then you can stay,” she said lightly and turned slightly so we were face to face. She cupped my cheek for a second and then traced the seam of my lips with the tip of her finger. 

I swallowed something again and for the millionth time reminded myself not to blurt out all the stupid things I wanted to say to her. I looked into her grey eyes and felt my belly quiver with something that most definitely wasn’t lust. No, it was something else. It was all those things I yeaned to say. All the things I absolutely couldn’t say to her. Her hand was on my cheek again. Cupping it so gently. So softly. 

“What?” she asked quietly, her grey eyes boring into mine. 

“What?” I echoed and quickly added. “Nothing.” 

“Nothing?”

“Nothing,” I confirmed and did my best to smile playfully at her. 

“Okay then,” Tanya said and grabbed a fistful of the duvet. “Goodnight, Mara.”

“Goodnight, Tanya.” 

She closed her eyes, and I did the same. But I didn’t go to sleep right away. Instead I thought about how she was going to New York and how it made me feel so very sad.

I woke up the same way I had gone to sleep last night. With her hip slung over my waist, my arms around her and her hair in my face. I made no attempt at waking her. Instead I lay quietly and just... felt. I was... I was happy. Genuinely happy. To my very bones. What if it could be like this all the time? What if WE could be like this all the time? What if there could actually be a “we”?

Tanya stirred on top of me, and to my regret, she woke up. Groaned slightly and then pushed her blonde hair over her shoulder. 

“Good morning,” I said softly.

“Good morning.” she chuckled hoarsely. “I’m supposed to fly to New York tonight and I haven’t packed. As in at all.” 

“Oh.” I laughed. “I’ve been keeping you from doing that.”

“You have,” she agreed. “But I don’t mind it at all.” she sighed as she looked around in the hotel room. “But I suppose I better get to it sooner or later. Otherwise poor Beth will get an aneurysm...”

“And that would be pretty fucking terrible,” I said as I eased her off of me and sat up in bed. “You don’t mind if I borrow your shower, do you?”

“Of course not. Don’t you want any breakfast?” she asked. 

“Nah. I can eat when I get home,” I smiled as I dipped into her bathroom and switched the water on. I stepped under the spray of hot water and wished that Tanya could have been there with me. It was a fucking shame that she had to go to New York today. I wanted more time with her. I wasn’t done. 

I took a quick shower and washed my hair thoroughly, and when I came back to the hotel room wrapped in a fluffy white towel, Tanya was out of bed and had laid out the clothes she had stolen from me the last time she had been in my apartment. The blue men’s shirt I had stolen from Cooper long ago, and the leggings and belt. 

“I found your clothes,” she said a bit jokingly. 

“Yeah, so I see,” I chuckled. “Thanks.” 

Tanya offered a light shrug and then opened the enormous closet. She searched through it for a second before she found a pair of pinstriped dress pants. 

“When are you coming back from New York?” I asked as I found my bra and panties and slipped both items on. 

“Shouldn’t be too long. I’ll be gone in max two weeks,” she replied and tossed her blonde over her shoulder. 

“Okay. Do you wanna get together then?” I asked and licked my lips. Maybe... Maybe I could tell her the truth when she got back from New York. When she had finished shooting the last scene. That was   
kinda symbolic, right?

“Certainly,” Tanya said and flashed me a smile. “I’d love to. Can it be at your apartment, though? I really liked that place.”

I chuckled. “Yeah. It can be at my apartment.”

“Great,” Tanya said and dumped the pants on the bed and came over to me. Her hands landed on my still bare hips. “I so wish you didn’t have to leave like this.” 

“It’s fine,” I assured. “You’ll be back pretty soon.” 

“That’s true. I will. And then I’ll actually have time to shower and have breakfast with you,” she said firmly and brushed her lips against mine in the lightest of kisses. 

I returned the kiss and then teased: “you’re busy. Go on. Go and take that shower. I can find the elevator on my own.”

“I know you can,” Tanya scoffed. She kissed me again, complained under her breath. 

“I’ll see you soon,” I said firmly. 

“Yes. Absolutely. Last night was fun.”

“It really was.” 

She laughed all the way into the bathroom. I heard her switch the water on, and while she showered, I concentrated on getting dressed and once that was done, I found my phone in my purse. The battery was dead, and I cursed slightly under my breath. Crap phone. Why did the battery always die? 

Tanya’s laughter reached my ear. She came back from the bathroom with her hair dripping and every bit delighted when she announced that she had forgotten her makeup wipes. I chuckled and shook my head and slipped the phone back into my purse. I clearly wouldn’t be using that right now. 

It didn’t take long before Tanya was done showering. She had cleaned up the smears of lipstick on her chin, and she wasn’t wearing any makeup yet. She looked wonderful. She didn’t need any makeup. 

“My hair looks flat,” she complained as she examined the wet locks in the mirror. 

“It doesn’t.”

“Easy for you to say,” she scoffed as she glanced at me. 

I snorted. “Tanya, my hair is literally sticking up.” 

“I like it,” she said firmly. “It has character.”

“And yours doesn’t?” I raised an eyebrow. 

“Not right now it doesn’t....” 

I laughed as I watched her sit down in front of the vanity and attempt to brush out her hair. I walked over to her and bowed my head so I could plant a kiss on her exposed shoulder where the bathrobe had slipped some. “I better get going,” I said lightly. 

“Yes, I suppose you do,” Tanya agreed. 

“Good luck in New York. I hope the last scene will turn out awesome!”

“I’m sure it will,” Tanya said with a chuckle. “After all, I’ll be there.”

“Right. So you will,” I laughed. “Their leading lady...”

“Oh yes, indeed....”

Tanya and I parted ways after having shared another few kisses, and I immediately missed her when I got home. It felt flat, coming home after the wonderful night we had spent together, and I even had to deal with Angie too. The moment I came home, she practically corned me and deduced two things. One: I had gotten laid. And two: I hadn’t told Tanya the truth. I had been a coward. Angie immediately began nagging me, and she didn’t stop as the day progressed. 

“Why the fuck didn’t you tell her?!” she demanded to know a good while later when she and I were sprawled out on the couch. 

I groaned. “Because I didn’t.”

“That is not a reason at all, Mara!”

“I couldn’t, okay!” I exclaimed. “She was... She was on her way to New York, okay? She had somewhere to be. She was going to shoot the last scene, and she was probably way more focused on it than she   
let on.”

“So... what, you’re just never going to tell her?” Angie asked. 

I wetted my lips. “I might. When she get back from New York.” 

“You have to!” Angie said firmly. 

“Angie-“

“No, I’m serious, Mara. You’re crazy about her.”

“Yeah, I am,” I agreed. “But she might not be crazy about me.”

“She wanted you to stay,” Angie pointed out and repeated what I had told her a bit earlier. “You said so yourself.”

I ignored that. “I need some sleep. I’m completely beat.”

Angie smirked now. “Yeah, I bet you are...”

“Shut up.” 

“I’m not saying anything,” she laughed. “I’m just happy you’ve gotten laid...”

I grimaced. “That’s a weird thing to be happy about.”

“No it’s not. You’re my best friend, and I want you to be happy.”

“Angie, you can’t just pull the friendship card every time you say something that’s mildly creepy-“

“Sure I can,” she interrupted. “I just did, didn’t I?”

“You’re hopeless,” I told her and crumpled the bag of chips she and I had been sharing for “lunch”. “I’m going to bed. Goodnight.” 

“Goodnight,” my roommate chuckled. “Sleep well. Try not to dream too loudly about Taaaaan-ya!” 

“Say her name like that again and I’ll end you.”

“Why? I’m pretty sure that was how you said it last night...”

I shook my head at her but made no other attempt at denying it. Instead I just spun around and retired to my room. 

I went to bed. I curled up under the duvet and closed my eyes. I wasn’t sure whether I would be able to sleep, but this was definitely nice too. Just lying here and allowing the memories of last night fill my mind. God, what a night it had been! Absolutely amazing. Being in her arms had been....

Angie was right. I had to tell Tanya how I felt. And I was going to. When she came home from New York. When we were together in the apartment. When we were laying together in my bed. I would tell her then. I had to be brave. And if she rejected me, well then at least I would know how she felt. It would hurt, but it would be better than not knowing at all. 

I rolled onto my back. I shivered slightly when I thought of Tanya’s hair and the way it had tickled my skin last night. Her hands on my breasts. Her mouth on my skin. I opened my eyes and glanced at the bag that contained last nights dress. I hadn’t even unpacked that yet. I had just dumped the bag in the corner. But hey, at least I had remembered to plug my phone into the charger. That was something. Ingrid was probably emailing me right now. She always did that whether it was weekend or weekday. I wished Tanya would text me. Or call me. From an official number. A number I could actually call back. It would have been awesome to keep in touch with her while she was in New York. But she would probably be too busy filming to actually using her phone. I wondered about that last scene she was shooting in New York. Where did it take place? In another hotel, perhaps? I couldn’t wait to watch the finished result on Netflix. But at the same time I knew that it probably would be a bit strange, watching the new season. Because now I knew Tanya. She wasn’t just an actress anymore. She was someone I knew. Someone I was in love with. 

I sighed as I closed my eyes again. In love with Tanya Goldstein. Imagine that. If someone had told me that after the first interview, I had with her, I would probably have laughed my head off. At the time it would have been completely ridiculous. And in a way it still was. Completely and utterly ridiculous. The reporter who fell in love with the actress. It sounded like a right cliché, I would be the first one to admit that. But I couldn’t very well fight my feelings. Cliché or not. 

I yawned and curled up more properly under the duvet. God, I was tired. How long was Tanya and I at it last night? Three hours? Four? I wasn’t sure, but definitely for a long time. I was deliciously sore between my legs. I smirked a little to myself. She probably felt the same. What was she doing right now? Was she busy packing for New York? Or was she thinking about me? A little bit? I hoped so. I hoped she was thinking about me. I had no problem with remembering the way she had looked at me last night, and a tiny, pathetic part of me hoped that it hadn’t just been pure lust in her eyes. I was clinging to the hope that there had been something else in her eyes as well....

I woke. No, I was brutally yanked back to the world of consciousness by a merciless knocking on my bedroom door. Completely befuddled, I lifted my head and blinked. What time was it? How long had I been asleep for? God, I hadn’t even realized that I had fallen asleep. One moment I had been thinking about Tanya, and the next I had been right back in her hotel bed with her on top of me. What a dream that had been...

Knock-knock-knock!

“Yeah, yeah, yeah!” I half-yelled. “What the fuck is going on?! Is the apartment burning or what?!”

The door was opened by Angie. Her mouth was a thin line and her face looked all wrong. I was on the verge of asking her what was wrong, but she beat me to it when she said: “Mara, I think everything is about to go to hell!”

“What the hell do you mean?” I asked. I found this conversation to be more and more puzzling with each second. 

“Look at this,” Angie said and tossed her phone at me. 

My hand and eye coordination wasn’t the best in my current state, but I still managed to catch the phone. I blinked once and then looked at the website she had opened. Snitch Magazine’s website. I didn’t read that magazine because Ingrid had drilled it into her employees that it would be “disloyal” to Juicy Bits, but Angie was a very loyal reader of everything Snitch Magazine had to offer. And often, I snuck a glance and let myself be entertained by what they were writing. But not today. Definitely not today. 

Most of the frontpage was adorned by a large picture of Tanya. And underneath it the headline wrote: ‘Open the closet! Tanya Goldstein isn't as straight as she leads on!’


	24. Outed

“What the fuck is this?!” I hissed as ice cold dread crept up my spine. “What the hell is this garbage?!” I tapped at the screen and a short article popped up:

‘Tanya Goldstein, Hollywood’s rising star and leading lady in widely popular series, ‘Love Me Not’ has many a time delighted her fans when she poses with co-star Alexander Scott in what appears to be loving embraces and shares loving gazes with him, but according to an anonymous source, that is well....all an act. Miss Goldstein isn’t, and has never been interested in heartthrob Alexander Scott, no, instead Tanya Goldstein prefers the ladies. Snitch Magazine has exclusively been provided with a delicate audio file in which Miss Goldstein is heard to be on a date with a mysterious woman with whom she discusses intimate details.  
It has not been possible for Snitch Magazine to get a comment from Alexander Scott, but we can imagine that this will come as a shock to the heartthrob, whom according to our anonymous source had become quite smitten with miss Goldstein. Is this turning into a love triangle with a mysterious woman? What a scandal!’

“What the fuck?!” I yelled, only remembering that it was Angie’s phone and not my own. So I couldn’t throw it against a wall.

“I don’t know what the hell is going on, Mara, but someone just outed Tanya to the public,” Angie said. Her face had turned completely white. 

“Who?!” I hissed as I jumped up from the bed. “Who the fuck would do something like that?!”

“I don’t know,” Angie said quietly and shook her head. “A despicable excuse for a human being!”

“I cannot...” I rubbed my face harshly. “If I ever get my hands on the person who did this, I’m going to kill them!”

Angie just nodded. “This... this has nothing to do with journalism. This is just vicious and low!”

But I wasn’t paying attention. Not really. The wheels in my head was turning. Who could have done this? Who had been in the restaurant last night? Who could possibly be responsible for this? I couldn’t for the life of me figure out, and I was seething with anger. Someone had revealed Tanya’s sexuality against her will!

“I have to talk to Tanya,” I said and interrupted Angie’s angry ramble. 

“Are you sure that’s a good idea?”

I turned my head so fast my neck made a crick sound. “What do you mean?”

“Mara, this is big,” Angie said and held up her hands in an attempt to calm me. “The hotel is probably crawling with paparazzi. If you suddenly show up and try to get inside the hotel, you could stir things up further.”

She had a point. “But I have to talk to her! I can’t just-“ I thrusted my hands into my short locks and gave a hard yank. “Fuck, I can’t even call her! I can’t get a hold of her unless I head over to the hotel! What the fuck am I supposed to do?! This is literally the one thing she’s been afraid of and now it has been broadcasted all over! She’s probably freaking out! I can’t just let her go through this shit alone!”

“Maybe she’ll contact you,” Angie soothed. 

“I hope so,” I said distractedly as looked at the link to the “delicate audio files” Snitch Magazine had published. The assholes had seriously done that. Published the audio file!

“Have you listened to these?” I asked and looked up at Angie. 

“No,” she said and shook her head. “I didn’t want to listen to that kind of garbage.”

I didn’t want to either, but at the same time I felt like I didn’t have much of a choice. I needed to know exactly what were on those files. I grabbed the headphones from my bedside table and connected them to Angie’s phone. Then I popped them into my ears and waited. For a moment, the only sound I could hear was my own heart thudding away in my chest, but then Tanya’s voice spoke clearly in my ears: ‘ I came out when I was fourteen.’ A laugh. ‘Look at us getting personal again. thank you for wearing that dress tonight. You look absolutely...edible. Delicious. I like your stomach. It’s soft yet firm.’ Another laugh. Glasses clinking together. ‘Cheers.’ Sounds of drinks being sipped and laughter. Laughter that had been masked and distorted through effects. It was impossible to determinate who it belonged to, but I already knew that it was my own laughter. 

“Fucking shit!” I cursed. The conversation between Tanya and I had been severely edited, but it was still her words, and I was furious that some trash magazine had taken them and manipulated them. That had been a private conversation between Tanya and me, and now it was suddenly the public’s business. 

“Is it very bad?” Angie asked quietly. 

“Oh, it’s bad alright!” I hissed and wrenched the earbuds out of my ears. “They’ve recorded parts of the conversation Tanya and I had last night in the hotel restaurant! The recording has obviously been tampered with, but still...Some sleazeball has actually...” I ran out of words and shook my head furiously. “I am going to kill them!”

“I’m right behind you!” Angie assured. She too looked furious. “This is fucking illegal! I hope the person responsible for this gets his ass kicked straight into jail!”

I nodded. I felt nauseous. This was exactly what Tanya had been afraid of. To come out. And now someone had made the decision for her. I bit the inside of my cheek and could taste blood. I felt murderous. Absolutely murderous. I hadn’t felt like this before. Not even when Lily had dumped me. Then I had just been sad, but now... Now I was pissed. Someone had stolen parts of the conversation   
I’d had with Tanya and given it to a tabloid magazine. 

“I have to do something about this,” I interrupted Angie’s angry monologue. “This involves me too. The recording is from our date, I can’t just-“ I had every intention to keep on ranting, but before I could, my own cellphone suddenly vibrated against the bedside table. I gave Angie her phone back and went over to grab my own. It was a notification. A news notification. As a reporter, it was my job to keep tabs on other magazines and what they were writing about. That’s why I received a “news alert” from Hush, hush, another tabloid magazine Juicy Bits often “competed” with. My heart sank when I clicked on the notification. ‘Shock in Hollywood! Tanya Goldstein in lesbian drama/ love triangle with mysterious woman? What does Alexander Scott think of that?’ underneath the “juicy” headline was a picture of Tanya, a picture of Alexander Scott and a silhouette picture of a woman with a large question mark over it to indicate her “mysterious” identity. 

I cursed again and felt tempted to throw the fucking phone against the wall. “Hush-hush just fucking broadcasted it as well!!” 

“You’re kidding me?!”

“Ha, I wish I was!” I said bitterly. “God, how many magazines did this ‘anonymous source’ send that garbage to?!”

Angie looked exactly like I felt. Seething with anger. My heart was hammering in my chest as I staggered over to the closet to find a pair of jeans that was less crumbled. I had to see Tanya, and I had to see her right now. This couldn’t wait. 

“What are you doing?” Angie asked as I nearly stumbled in my eagerness to get my clothes on. 

“I’m driving up to the hotel,” I said shortly. “I don’t care if I have to elbow my way through the crowd. I have to see Tanya.”

“Mara-“

“Angie, she’s freaking out! I know she is! She was afraid of coming out! And now-“ my voice threatened to break. “Some douchebag has just totally backstabbed her, and I want to help her find out who it is!”

“Okay,” Angie said and held up her hands. “Okay. Let me know if there’s anything I can do to help.”

“Thanks, Angie.” I finally wrestled my pants on and nearly stumbled again as I grabbed one of my leather jackets and shrugged it on. I had never been more eager to get out of the door than I was right now. I grabbed my purse and made sure my wallet and press card was there. It was. Next, I grabbed my phone and stuffed it inside the pocket of the leather jacket. Then I hurried into the hallway to find my shoes, but I only managed to wrestle one of my shoes on before my phone went off in my pocket. My heart thudded as I thrusted one hand inside the pocket and found the phone. God, I hoped it was Tanya calling me!

But upon looking at the screen I quickly found out that it wasn’t one of Tanya’s “unknown” numbers. It was a number I knew like the back of my hand. Ingrid’s number. My heart sank. Now what? It was Sunday. Ingrid never called on Sundays. 

“Hello?” I said hesitantly as I answered the call. 

“Miss Swanson, I’d like you to come down to the head quarters immediately,” came Ingrid’s crisp voice in the other end. 

“What’s going on?” I asked and felt a tight knot in my stomach. 

“I’ve asked everyone to come down here immediately,” Ingrid said. “I know it’s Sunday, but it’s an unusual situation. I’ll explain more when everyone is gathered in my office.” Click.

“Ingrid? Damnit!” she had already hung up. I slipped the phone back in my pocket. 

“What was that?” Angie asked. 

“I don’t know. Ingrid wants to see all of us at the office right now,” I muttered as I resumed putting on my shoes. “Is it too much to ask that this is totally unrelated to what Snitch and Hush-Hush magazine has written about Tanya?”

Angie pursed her lips. “It might not be.” 

“And it also might be,” I sighed. “The timing is a little too fucking perfect!” 

While I wrestled with my other shoe, Angie found her phone and checked Juicy Bits’ website. “There’s nothing here.”

“Really? No “shock in Hollywood” or “lesbian drama” crap?”

“Nope. Nothing.”

“Oh.” My shoulders uncurled just a little bit. “Okay.” But despite that, I didn’t feel that calm. This was no coincidence. Ingrid didn’t just randomly call us into work the same day someone had leaked a recording of Tanya and a “mystery woman”. 

“I better go and see what this is about,” I said glumly as I grabbed my car keys. “See you later.”

“See you. Good luck.”

“Thanks, Angie.” I gave my best friend and roommate a quick, tight hug and then I stumbled out of the apartment door and down the stairs. I was so bewildered, taking the elevator didn’t even occur to me. 

I didn’t pay much attention to speed limitations as I drove the short distance to Juicy Bits’ headquarter, and so I soon arrived at my destination. I could see that Boris and Jackie and Laura were there too.   
They were like me. They didn’t dare defying Ingrid and arriving late.

I got out of the car and half-jogged towards the building. Ripped the door open and slipped inside. I was a little out of breath when I reached the elevator and took the opportunity to take some deep breaths. 

The elevator arrived with a ding, and I stepped inside. My legs felt like jelly and I couldn’t help but finding my phone and checking if there was any new messages or missed phone calls. There wasn’t. God, I needed to find out what was going on at the hotel! That was where I wanted to be. Not attending some mystery meeting in Ingrid’s office. I shifted uncomfortably as I waited for the elevator to stop, but when it did, it didn’t feel like my stomach had arrived along with the rest of me. I felt dizzy as I stepped out of the elevator, and I nearly ran into Leo on my way to Ingrid’s office. I had no idea how he had beat me to it. Maybe he had taken the stairs or something. 

“Hey,” Leo said and flashed me a smile. “An official meeting on a Sunday. Ingrid’s getting tough.”

“Yeah,” I said shortly. I wasn’t in the mood for small talk. All my thoughts were swirling around Tanya, and I was so tempted to turn around, run down the stairs back to my car and drive to the hotel right now. 

“Any idea what this is about?” Leo asked. 

“No,” I said flatly. 

“Really? You haven’t read the headlines? I bet Ingrid wants us to write an article about-“

“Leo. I’m actually a bit tired,” I lied. “And I really don’t wanna be here right now!”

He laughed. “No, me neither, Swanson. Me neither. I was in the middle of a date and had to leave her sitting in the restaurant!”

“Ouch.”

“Yeah. I reckon I wont see her again,” Leo said almost cheerfully, and I shook my head slightly. I knew Leo. He would be over it pretty soon. And he would definitely get a new girl even sooner. That was just the kind of guy he was. 

The space where we normally sat at our desks and worked was empty today, and Leo and I walked up the steps to Ingrid’s office. I could hear muttering voices coming from there, and I swallowed something as I knocked on the door once. 

“Come in,” came Ingrid’s crisp answer. 

I pushed the door open and Leo and I slipped inside the office. Ingrid was sitting behind her desk, looking every bit like a boss lady. 

“What’s going on?” I blurted out.

Ingrid barely reacted. “I shall explain that once everyone is present, miss Swanson. Please close the door.”

The door was closed and so we waited for the rest of the colleagues to arrive. Everyone was muttering. I did my best not to pay attention to what was being said, but it was impossible not to hear the words Snitch Magazine being murmured. My palms were getting sweaty. I tugged at the collar of my jacket. Gnawed at my lower lip. What if this really was exactly what I was dreading? Ingrid gathering us because she wanted us to write about this. It was sensational. It was “juicy” and “delicious”, and more importantly, it would make headlines. And if there was something Ingrid loved, it was making headlines. Big, fat headlines. Headlines was what Ingrid lived for, and right now, Tanya was headlines....

I bit the inside of my cheek. If that was the case... If Ingrid really had gathered all of here because she wanted us to write about this, I would refuse to do so. I’d rather resign before betraying Tanya. I would take my leave and that was just how things were. Rather be jobless than making headlines of Tanya’s misery. 

Boris gave me a nudge. “What are you thinking about, Swanson?”

“Nothing,” I lied and shrugged lightly. 

“That’s not true,” my colleague chuckled. “Were you busy? With Tammie?”

“Something like that,” I said vaguely. God, this was getting more and more complicated!

He chuckled once more, gave me another slight nudge. “I’m happy for you, Swanson.”

I nodded mutely. The truth wasn’t exactly an option this time either. I looked at Ingrid and did my best to attempt to read her mind. What was she planning? A super juicy (no pun intended) edition of the   
magazine, requiring that we were supposed to snoop around the hotel in the hope to corner Tanya and ask her questions?

No freaking way. 

I gnawed at the inside of my cheek again and was on the brink of tapping my foot up and down in impatience. As on cue, Ingrid looked up and it felt like she was looking directly at me. I swear to god, sometimes it felt like she was a mind reader. I hastily looked down at the floor again. I wasn’t particularly interested in drawing attention to myself. There would be plenty of that later if I really had to quit my job in protest. 

“Ingrid, what’s happening?” Laura piped up. 

“When the other arrives,” Ingrid said shortly.

“Are we getting fired?” Laura kept going, and a frightened mumbling erupted.

“Nobody is fired,” Ingrid said and looked up again. “At least not anyone that works here.”

“What’s that’s supposed to mean?” Leo asked. 

“It means that I’ll explain why I summoned you on a Sunday when the rest of your colleagues arrives.” 

Her office fell quiet again, and all of us looked at one another as we waited. Ingrid remained stoically, and for some reason that only made me all the more nervous. 

It felt like forever, but it had probably only been ten minutes before all of us were gathered in her office. Ingrid finally looked up from her laptop and got our attention just by looking at her. 

“I don’t know how many of you have seen Snitch and Hush-Hush’s front page today?” she asked. 

My heart fell all the way into my stomach.

Everyone present except for me gave a mumbled “yeah” and a nod.

“Late last night, an email from an unknown sender was send directly to my private email address,” Ingrid said seriously. “An email containing the same audio file Snitch and Hush-Hush magazine has already published via their website.”

I felt sick to my stomach. 

“I know that it’ll be the talk of the day come Monday,” Ingrid continued. “And some of you may even wonder why we haven’t followed Snitch and Hush-Hush and made this front page news...”

Oh god, oh god, oh god. 

“So to avoid any misunderstandings I found it best to gather all of you today to tell you that this is not a story we’ll be focusing on.”

A rush of breath escaped me, and I almost jumped when my phone suddenly started to vibrate in my pocket. 

“Miss Swanson,” Ingrid growled. 

“Sorry, I’m so sorry, I’ll switch it off,” I said hastily, but even before I had gotten the chance to reach within my pocket, the buzzing stopped. 

“But it’s a good story, Ingrid,” Jackie said. “It’s frontpage stuff!”

I instantly hated her.

“I do not care, miss Larson,” Ingrid said plainly. “If Snitch and Hush-Hush are willing to risk their necks and bring an illegally recorded and most likely manipulated conversation, then so be it. But that is not how we do things at Juicy Bits. We respect celebrity’s private life.” she took a breath. “Not only is this illegal, but it’s also utterly despicable, and I sincerely hope miss Goldstein’s staff is able to locate this “anonymous source” and give them hell.” 

My phone vibrated in my pocket again, and Ingrid glared at me. “Is that important, miss Swanson? I know you’re not technically at work right now, but I’m still talking, and I’d like to think that I have your undivided attention.”

“You do,” I said hastily. “I’m sorry, Ingrid.” 

“So just to sum up,” Ingrid said, now looking at all of us. “This audio file is in every way irrelevant for all of us here. When you come to work tomorrow, you will continue working on whatever story or interview you were in the process of making. None of you will show up at the hotel and attempt to ask miss Goldstein questions. And if I find out that one of you have been tempted to do a bit of freelance work-“ her gaze rested on Jackie for a moment. “The consequence will be most severe. As in an imminent firing from the magazine.”  
Jackie looked down at the floor. 

“Does everyone understand that?” Ingrid asked. Now she was looking at all of us again.

“Yes, Ingrid,” all of us said in unison. 

“Very well,” she said. “That was all. You are free to go and resume your Sunday activities. I will see you all tomorrow morning at eight o’clock. Don’t be late.”

And that was it. All of us immediately headed for the door. Everyone was eager to get out and get back to doing nothing. I was the only one who was falling behind. But I could barely concentrate on walking. I was far too fucking relieved. Maybe Ingrid was a mean Miranda Priestly like boss lady on an everyday basis, but today I had the utmost respect for her. Today she had made the right choice. Hell, she had even warned us about “freelancing”. We weren’t gonna publish the audio files or write a saucy article about Tanya’s private life. Ingrid was disgusted over Snitch and Hush-Hush, and I was so relieved I could have cried. 

I breathed in the fresh air once I made it outside with my colleagues.

“I don’t get it,” Jackie said sullenly. “It’s one hell of a story. It’s frontpage stuff. Snitch and Hush-Hush have already published it. Why shouldn’t we?”

“Because it’s illegal, Jackie,” I said flatly. “Publishing illegally recorded files is the sort of things that’ll close down a magazine for good.”

Jackie shrugged. “Snitch and Hush-Hush are only publishing what has been sent to them. In any case, it’s worse for the ‘anonymous source’ if he or she is exposed. They’re the one who recorded that conversation. They’ll be the one to fall on their ass. Not the magazines.” She slung her back over her shoulder. “Anyway, bye, Mara. Have a good rest of your Sunday.” She smiled in a way that more than suggested that she still harbored those feelings for me. 

“Bye, Jackie,” I said hesitantly and thought to myself that I would have to do something about that. Let her down gently or something like that. Enough stuff was going on in my life. I didn’t need a co-worker who had a crush on me. I didn’t need more trouble. 

Each of my colleagues said goodbye and see you tomorrow and then headed inside their cars. But honestly, I needed a moment. I had been so afraid that Ingrid had summoned us because she had the story of a century. I definitely hadn’t been expecting this, and I decided right then and there that I would never ever say another bad word about her. From now on, I would only think of her as the best boss in the world. Or, I would try. That was the least I could do after this. 

I took another deep breath and wished that Snitch and Hush-Hush could have been as moral as Ingrid. God, what was wrong with them?! Okay, so maybe they didn’t have any moral, but they were also digging their own grave. Tanya’s staff would undoubtedly threaten the magazines with all sorts of things. They could be forced to shut down because of this. What they had done was fucking illegal. I growled. Fuck, I hoped that those magazines would end up closing down because of this. They didn’t deserve to sell a single copy of their thrashy magazines. My hands curled into fists as I silently cursed both Snitch and Hush-Hush straight to hell. That was what they deserved after having leaked that stupid audio file. 

My angry thoughts about Snitch and Hush-Hush was interrupted when my phone vibrated in my pocket again. This time, I thrusted a hand inside the pocket and grabbed the phone. It wasn’t an unknown number, but a very public one. I didn’t recognize this one either, so I sounded almost timid as I brought the phone up to my ear and said: “hello?”

“Miss Swanson, it would be nice if you could return phone calls,” Fred said crisply. “Miss Goldstein wish to see you urgently. A car will come for you.”

“I’m at work,” I piped up. 

“In that case, I’ll ask you to walk down to the next block. A car will come for you.” Click. 

“Okay,” I said to the silent phone. Apparently, this was the day where people hung up on me. But I couldn’t be offended about that right now. Tanya wanted to see me. She had reached out to me. My heart   
thudded in my chest. Maybe feeling excitement about seeing her again was a bit misplaced given the situation, but nevertheless, that was how I felt. I wanted to hug her. I wanted to hold her close and tell her that everything was going to be okay. Somehow. I wasn’t sure how right now, but I hoped that my presence would make things at least a little better. I could hope that without being presumptuous, right? 

Oh right. Walk. I was supposed to walk to the next block so Peter The Driver could pick me up. I looked back at my car. I reckoned that it would be fine here on its own for a while. I would just have to remember to ask Peter to drive me back to the parking lot instead of driving me home. I turned around and began walking. It was pretty cold, and I was already regretting my choice of footwear. These shoes were not exactly made for walking. Quite the reverse, actually. They were my oldest pair of Converse. Worn out and with a heel that looked like it could fall off at any given moment. I wasn’t exactly dressed for this either. My jeans were baggy, and my shirt was the old band t-shirt I had been sleeping in. I looked like a right mess. 

I scoffed. Wishing that I had dressed up for Tanya was definitely misplaced too. I wasn’t going there to impress her. I was going there to offer her comfort and hopefully be able to help her in some sort of way. I was definitely going to stay with her for as long as she wanted. All night, if that was what she needed. I couldn’t imagine that she wanted to be alone. Otherwise she wouldn’t have send for me. 

I started to walk faster. I was almost jogging, and that definitely looked weird given that I wasn’t wearing running clothes, but I didn’t care. Right now, my most dominant thought was getting to Tanya as fast as possible. I lifted my collar in an attempt to shield myself a little from the rain that had started to fall. In a moment I would probably be drenched, but so be it. I would just go to the hotel and look like a drowned mouse. No problem. No problem at all. 

After a moment I made it to the next block, and sure enough when I arrived, there was a sleek, black car waiting for me. When I came closer, the door to the backseat popped open. I took the hint and got into the car. 

“Good afternoon, miss Swanson,” Peter The Chauffeur said politely as I closed the car door behind me. 

“Good afternoon,” I said halfheartedly. 

“We better get moving,” he said briskly as he turned the car around and drove away from the buildings. 

I leaned back in the plushy leather seat and rubbed my temples. I was getting a banger headache. Sleep had been in short supply last night and being woken up from my early afternoon nap to find out   
that someone had outed Tanya had left me completely dizzy. Taking a nap right here in this backseat was unbelievably tempting, but at the same time I didn’t want to be even more confused by the time I arrived at the hotel. And a nap would definitely make me confused. So to avoid accidentally falling asleep, I whipped out my phone and opened Instagram. Tanya’s Instagram. She hadn’t posted anything today, of course she hadn’t, I hadn’t expected her to, but I still tapped on the last picture she had uploaded. The one where she and Alexander posed together. I looked at the newest comments, and it didn’t take me long before I found one that made me bite the inside of my cheek. ‘Lol, why you pretending to be in love with Alexander if you’re actually gay?’ another one. ‘You’re gay?! Fuck no, I actually liked U!!’ and there were more of the same kind. People reacting to the leaked audio file in various ways. Some of them reacted by posting vomiting emojis and stating how disappointed they were, but what really made me see red was this one commenter who had simply written ‘dyke’ and nothing else. I felt murderous, but I wasn’t the only one. There were lots of replies to the homophobic comment and it warmed my heart to see what people had written. ‘What the fuck is wrong with you, you asshole?! Don’t call her that! And ‘you should be ashamed of yourself! I’ve reported you!’ My breathing became less strained as I read: ‘Tanya, it doesn’t matter what your sexuality is. We love you anyway. That asshole who leaked that audio file should be ashamed! I hope they get send to jail!!’ 

Yes, there were hate comments, but there were also supporting comments. Lots of them, actually. Tanya still had fans. Many of them. I almost smiled when I read: ‘we stan a gay icon!!’ with lots of rainbows and kissing emojis. I knew that this wasn’t exactly ideal, but maybe, just maybe it wasn’t as bad as it could have been. 

I closed Instagram and was just about to put the phone back in my pocket when it vibrated against my palm. It was Angie texting me. She wanted to know how the mysterious meeting with Ingrid had gone, and I texted her back, letting her know that while the audio file had been sent to Ingrid, Juicy Bits would not be writing about Tanya. Angie texted back and let me know how relieved she was to hear that, and I could only join her in that. I truthfully told her that I would have been ready to quit my job if we were going to write about Tanya. After a bit of texting back and forward in which I let Angie know that Tanya wanted to see me and I was on my way over to the hotel now, I put the phone back in my pocket and stretched my neck slightly. The windows in the car were tinted, so I couldn’t really see anything. I had to ask. “Peter?”

“Yes, miss Swanson?” he said briskly. 

“How soon will we be at the hotel?”

“In about five minutes, miss Swanson,” he replied. “Do you need anything?”

“No, not at all,” I assured. I did not need anything. Well, except for Tanya. Except for giving her a big hug. I needed that a lot. I leaned back in my seat again and fiddled impatiently with my hands in my   
lap. I had seen her this morning, but it still felt like it had been forever since I last saw her, and my stomach twisted when I thought about which state she would be in. Maybe she was crying? Oh dear god, no. Anything but that. I had no problem with remembering that scene in “Love Me Not” in which Celeste had been crying. Both Angie and I had been crying too. And if seeing her cry on television when she was acting, I dreaded to think about what it would do to me to see her cry in real life. 

I gnawed at my bottom again and forced myself not to ask Peter to drive a little faster. I was actually in a hurry. And he really wasn’t going very fast. God, the irony. This reminded me of the first time I had met Tanya in that taxi. God, it felt like ages ago now. So much had changed since. 

Exactly five minutes later, we arrived at the hotel’s back door. There was a horde of reporters guarding the front doors, but none of them noticed the discreet, black car that drove right past them to the back door. 

Peter jumped out of the car and came round to open the door for me. “There we are, miss Swanson.”

“Thanks for the ride, Peter.”

“I’m just doing my job, miss Swanson,” he said modestly. “Now best hurry. I understood that miss Goldstein wished to see you urgently.”

“Right.” I immediately jogged towards the hotel’s back door and slipped inside. It would appear that the back door lead straight into some random corridor and I took a second to look around and orientate me. Then I began walking down the corridor. It didn’t take long before I found an elevator. I impatiently pushed the button over and over again until the elevator arrived with a ding, and the doors slurped open. I slipped inside the elevator and pressed the numbers that would take me to Tanya’s room. For once I was on my own. There was no Fred or Beth to escort me to Tanya’s room. They were probably with Tanya and trying to sort out this mess. 

After a moment, the elevator dinged, and I stepped out in the hallway. I could hear raised voices from Tanya’s room. But it wasn’t Tanya’s voice. It was Beth’s. It sounded like she was yelling at someone over the phone. I shuddered. I’d hate to be the editor in chief at both Snitch and Hush-Hush magazine. Leaking that audio file was like digging their own grave, and I literally couldn’t comprehend how anyone could be that stupid. Both Snitch and Hush-Hush well established tabloid magazines. Admittedly, not as good as Juicy Bits (I had to be biased) but still well established and with many readers. This could be compared to shooting yourself in the foot. Literally. 

I tiptoed down the hallway and lingered by the door to Tanya’s room for a moment. Beth was still yelling. “Now, let me tell you something, Mr. Anderson!” I shivered again. I had clearly been wrong about her. She was not just some little barbie doll who took care of Tanya’s appointments. She was a bulldog who wasn’t afraid of yelling when it was required. Good for her. 

I didn’t want to be eavesdrop, so I quietly knocked on the door once. 

All conversation immediately stilled. Beth asked Mr. Anderson to “hang on”, and then Tanya’s voice through the closed door: “come in.” 

I pushed the door open and stepped inside the hotel room. Tanya was there of course, and so was Fred and Beth and a couple of other people I hadn’t met before. Undoubtedly more people working for   
Tanya. I had never seen her room so crowded before.

“Hi,” I said a bit timidly as I looked at Tanya. She was wearing a pinstriped suit and her long blonde hair had been swept up in a high ponytail.

“Mara,” she said simply and now I noticed how pale she was. Her eyes were focused as always, but it was impossible not to notice that they also were a bit red rimmed. My heart plummeted into my stomach. She had been crying earlier. That much was obvious. I wanted to hold her. Take her in my arms and hold her tight. But I couldn’t do that because the room was full of people. 

“Mr. Anderson? Yes, you bet I’m still here!” Beth suddenly barked into the phone, almost making me jump. 

“Would it be possible for you to continue the conversation elsewhere?” Tanya said quietly. “I’d like a moment alone with miss Swanson.” 

Everyone immediately got a move on. Beth was the first one to leave the room, then two men and another woman I couldn’t recognize. Fred hovered near Tanya and seemed reluctant to leave her side. 

“I’m fine, Fred,” Tanya said. “I can handle being on my own for a while.”

“Very well, miss Goldstein,” he said and looked like it wasn’t very well at all. He nevertheless left anyway, though. The door slammed shut behind him and I turned my attention back to Tanya again. 

“Hello,” she said lightly and looked at Genevieve who was curled up on the bed. 

“Hi,” I repeated. 

“Would you like a glass of champagne?” Tanya asked. “I already have the bottle open and everything.”

“No thanks, I’m good.” 

“Suit yourself. But you don’t mind me drinking, do you?” 

“Of course not.”

“Perfect,” she said, walked over to the not-so-little mini fridge in the hotel room and grabbed a bottle of champagne. She poured herself a solid glass and took a sip. “Would you like to sit?”

I sat down on the edge of the bed and watched as she took another sip of the champagne and then glanced at her phone on the bedside table. It was vibrating. 

“That would be my father. Or my mother. Both of them has been calling me nonstop this afternoon. My mother is an avid reader of Snitch magazine.” 

“I’m....” I didn’t know how to finish that sentence. I had to say something else. “Won’t you come and sit down with me?”

“Sure,” Tanya said with feigned briskness, and her high heels clicked slightly as she crossed the floor and came over to the bed. She sat down next to me and took one more gulp of her champagne before setting the glass aside on the bedside table. “Thank you for coming.” 

“You don’t have to thank me,” I scoffed. “Of course I came.” 

“To participate in my ‘lesbian drama’,” Tanya said with a dark chuckle. 

But I shook my head. “That’s not funny, Tanya.” 

“No. It really isn’t,” she agreed, and I saw her bite a perfect bottom lip. 

“Hey,” I said softly and put my hand over hers. 

She didn’t swat my hand away. Instead she put her free hand over mine. “You know what would have been easier? Being open about it. I’ve received a million questions about my love life, and I’ve dodged every single one of them. I should just have been honest from the start and told that I’m gay. This mess could have been avoided if I had done this.” 

“Oh hell no!” I hissed. “This is not your fucking fault, Tanya! Someone fucking outed you! They’re the one who needs to be blamed!”

Tanya didn’t really react to that. Instead she said: “Fred told me that you were at your work when he contacted you. What were you doing there?” 

“Ingrid has summoned us for a meeting.”

“I see. What was the meeting about?” Tanya asked tonelessly. 

“The audio file,” I admitted. “The ‘anonymous source’ emailed it directly to Ingrid last night.” 

“And I’m guessing you’ll be publishing the story as well?” Tanya said, and now there was an edge to her voice. 

“No, we won’t,” I said firmly. “That was why Ingrid called us all together. To tell us to forget all about the garbage Snitch and Hush-Hush had published. She was pretty disgusted about the whole thing. And so am I!”

“It’s a rough business,” Tanya said simply. 

I scoffed. “What they’ve done to you is fucking illegal, Tanya!”

“Which is why Beth is currently twisting Snitch’s editor in chief’s arm to make him reveal who the ‘anonymous source’ is. She's been on the phone with various employees for most of the afternoon,” Tanya said and shook her head as she continued: “but even if Mr. Anderson tells us who it is, the damage is already done, Mara. Snitch and Hush-Hush can be forced to shut down for good, but it won’t make this go away. I was still thrown headfirst out of the closet.” Her voice broke, and I gave her hand a squeeze. “Tanya...” 

She shifted a bit so she could rest her head on my shoulder. “It’s nice to see you.” 

“It’s nice to see you too,” I said softly and gave her hand another squeeze. 

“Last night was fun wasn’t it?” she continued, trying her best to adopt a cheerful tone. 

“It was,” I agreed. “It was very fun.”

Tanya sighed. “I’m supposed to pack for New York. Not sit on my bed and mope.”

“You are not moping. You’re shocked. That’s a completely different thing.”

Tanya sighed again. “God, what an absolute mess.” 

“Yeah.” I could only agree with that. 

Tanya’s phone vibrated again, and she looked up for a second. “I’m willing to bet that’s my parents again.” 

“Is there anything I can do?”

“About my parents?”

“Tanya.” 

“No,” she sobered up. “No, Beth is already doing the official things that needs to be done.”

“Not what I meant.”

“It’s nice that you’re here,” she said. “I think your company is pretty much all I need.” 

“Well, I’ll happily stay here for as long as you want me too.” Shit, that was close to a declaration of feelings. 

“How about staying the night?” Tanya suggested. “I’ve managed to push my trip to New York till tomorrow. We could have dinner together like last night.”

“That sounds good,” I smiled. “I’d like that very much.” 

“Good,” Tanya said and for the first time since I stepped inside her room, I saw her smile genuinely. “That’s settled then. I’m happy I get the pleasure of your delightful company before leaving for New York. I’m sure that’ll lift my spirit.” She sat up straight and gave me a one-over. “You look good.”

I snorted. “Yeah, right.”

“You DO,” Tanya insisted. 

“My jeans are baggy, and my hair looks like a mess.” 

Tanya looked at me again as to check. “I disagree.”

I snorted again. “Right. Thanks.” 

“Though you do look better when you’re not wearing anything at all.” 

I laughed. There was the Tanya I so appreciated. Always quick with a funny remark. 

“Well...” I drawled. “I guess that’s just one my talents.”

“One of many,” Tanya corrected. 

“That so?” I snickered. 

“Oh yes, indeed, miss Swanson. You have....many talents,” Tanya assured me as she absentmindedly stroked Genevieve’s soft fur. I could tell that she was thinking about the leaked audio file again, so I gave her hand another soft squeeze and was just about to say something as well when there was a knock on the door. 

“Come in,” Tanya said tiredly. 

The door was pushed open by Beth who obviously still had someone on hold in the phone. She covered the microphone with one hand as she said: “Tanya, Mr. Anderson wants to make a deal with us.”

“A deal?” Tanya said and raised an eyebrow. “Interesting. Do go on.”

“He’s prepared to reveal the anonymous source. If we guarantee that we don’t press charge against the magazine...” 

Tanya chuckled darkly. “Oh, I see. Isn’t he aware that using illegally recorded material is a big no-no? He isn’t the one with the power here, Beth. You let him know that. Tell him, that he’ll reveal his anonymous source no matter what. Tell him, that if he don’t, I’ll go out and publicly criticize his magazine big time. And I won’t settle for suing the magazine. I’ll be suing HIM. Not the magazine. Him. Personally. He can shove his deal.” 

Beth didn’t even bat an eye as she resumed the conversation she’d been having over the phone. She was speaking completely calmly whereas Mr. Anderson had raised his voice in the other end. 

“Oh, I think you’ll find that miss Goldstein is quite serious, Mr. Anderson,” Beth said almost gently. “That is neither here nor there. You still published illegally recorded material.” Mr. Anderson quelled something in the other end, and Beth said: “Mr. Anderson, that isn’t relevant. It wouldn’t have been relevant even if you had that recording handed over on a silver platter. I’ll ask you again... Who is your anonymous source? I’m advising you to speak up now. Mr. Anderson, I won’t hesitate to call miss Goldstein’s lawyer right away if you don’t comply!” Beth spun around on her heels and left Tanya’s room again to continue the conversation elsewhere. 

“You think he’s gonna reveal the source?” I asked Tanya. 

“Well, not revealing it won’t do him any good,” Tanya said. “True, he’s in deep shit for having shared that audio file, but the person who send that file to the magazines in the first place is in worse trouble, and when I find out who did it...” she shook her head and sent her ponytail bouncing around her face. “But anyway... Let’s talk about something more cheerful.” She stood from the bed and went over to her open suitcase. “Have you missed me?”

“Are you gonna be all smug if I say yes?” 

Tanya bared her teeth in a grin. “Obviously, miss Swanson. Obviously.”

“In that case I have to say no. I haven’t missed you at all.” the lie was so pathetic, Tanya laughed and then smirked at me. “Sure you haven’t, Mara, sure you haven’t.”

“Not even in the slightest,” I told her and grinned as I added to the pathetic lie. 

She laughed. “Well, I haven’t missed you either. At all. Nor am I gonna miss you when I go to New York.”

“Yeah, well, I won’t miss you either.”

Tanya slammed her suitcase shut and her heels clicked again as she came over to me. Without much further ado, she cupped my face and kissed me deeply. I moaned in surprise but immediately returned   
the kiss.

Tanya didn’t hold back. I could feel the sheer relief over my presence seeping into the kiss, and I inhaled deeply to fully breathe in the scent of her. The memories of last night popped up in my mind, and I moaned again. This was the effect she had on me. I wanted more. I always wanted more of her. My hands came up to rest on the top of her shoulders, and following an impulse, I tugged at her. She stumbled, knocked me over and ended up falling on top of me. 

“Bold move, Swanson,” she commented and shifted a little bit on top of me. 

“Mmm, I know,” I grinned and skimmed my fingertips up and down her back. “And you’re SO unhappy about it, aren’t you?”

Tanya smirked again. “Perhaps I’m not entirely unhappy...” then she was kissing me again, and I began tugging at the suit jacket she was wearing this afternoon. I wanted skin to skin contact with her. I wanted to feel all of her. She made my heart beat faster in my chest, she made the blood roll quicker in my veins. 

“You’ll mess up my hair,” Tanya murmured against my lips. “But for some reason, I don’t mind. How odd.” Her lips connected with mine again. This kiss was soft and gentle. Sweet. I moved my hands up to her ponytail and buried my fingers in the soft tresses. Tanya mewled against my lips. Her hands were on my cheeks again, and the way she cupped my face was so.... gentle. Almost....loving. 

The breath hitched in my throat as soon as I allowed myself to think that little word. I had to stop being such a coward. I had to fess up and tell her how I felt. This couldn’t wait until she came home from New York. I knew that. This wasn’t something I just could just postpone like it was a slightly important appointment. I couldn’t keep ignoring my feelings. I had to face reality. And reality was that I had fallen in love with Tanya Goldstein. And yeah, that was scary as hell in so many ways, but somehow keeping quiet about was even scarier. I had to try. I had to allow myself to hope. I moved my hands from her hair to her face. Pushed her face an inch or so away so I could look at her. 

“What?” Tanya asked hoarsely. Her grey eyes gleamed. 

“I-“ the breath hitched in my throat and no words came out of my mouth.

“What?” Tanya asked. Now her voice was more earnest.

I tried again. “Tanya, I... I’ve-“

Knock-knock-knock!

Oh, for fuck’s sake! I groaned when Tanya scrambled off of me, straightened her jacket and tugged me into a sitting position. Then she said: “come in.”

The door to the hotel room opened and several people came inside. Fred, Beth. But also the people from before. The ones I hadn’t met before. 

“Yes?” Tanya said and raised an eyebrow. 

I found myself mirroring that expression. Everyone looked so serious. 

“Mr. Anderson revealed the anonymous source, miss Goldstein,” Fred said gravely. I could see a muscle work in his jaw. "Well, at first he gave us the fake email adress the person responsible for this was hiding behind, but after a few well-chosen words, he revealed the actual source."

“How kind of him,” Tanya said sarcastically. “And who is it then? Who is the person I should personally crucify?” 

“According to Mr. Anderson,” Fred said, and his eyes clouded over with anger. “The audio file was sent directly to him from an email address called m.swanson@gmail.com.”


	25. Accused

“W-what?” I squeaked. My voice sounded weird. I cleared my throat and tried again: “What?!”

“m.swanson@gmail.com,” Fred repeated. He was only looking at Tanya. So was Beth when she supplied: “that was what Mr. Anderson said.”

“I see,” Tanya said tonelessly. 

“No!” I said firmly and looked at her. “Tanya, no! I’d never-“

“It certainly explains certain things,” Fred interrupted and fixed me with his steely gaze. “Why the identity of the “other woman” in the audio file is not revealed, for instance.”

“Bull!” I exclaimed and jumped to my feet. “If I did this for a story, why would I send the audio file to Snitch and Hush-Hush and not the magazine I actually work for?! What you’re saying doesn’t make sense, man!”

“Maybe we shouldn’t be so quick to judge-“ Beth started but was interrupted by Fred:

“The evidence is literally staring us in the face, Beth. It’s obvious that miss Swanson is the person responsible for this.” he glared at me. “Miss Swanson, do you have a recording app on your phone?”

“Yes, of course I do,” I said testily. “I record interviews. That’s a part of my job. But I can assure you that I don’t use it to illegally record conversations!”

“If that’s the case, you won’t have any problem with showing me your phone, won’t you?” Fred said and extended his palm out towards me. 

“Of course not!” I huffed and found my phone in my pocket. I unlocked it and gave it to Fred with absolutely no hesitation what so ever. 

Fred tapped on my phone for a moment and then looked up at me. “The app has been used last evening.”

“What?! That’s impossible!” I yelped. 

“Is it?” Fred asked me as he turned the screen towards me. The app had indeed been ‘active’ for about an hour last night. The app was one Ingrid had asked all of us to install. It was completely soundless and discreet and with a timer that indicated how long it had been used.

I shook my head vehemently. “No. No! I didn’t use it! I swear!”

Now everyone present in the room was looking at me with judgmental eyes. That meant all of Tanya’s employees. Tanya herself had her back to me, so it was impossible for me to see the look on her face.

“Really?” Fred said and raised an eyebrow. “Then how do you explain this?” he shoved the phone back into my hand. 

“I don’t know! Someone must have-“

“Must have what?” he arrogantly interrupted me. “You had the phone with you all night, didn’t you?”

“Yes, but-“

“But WHAT?” he sneered. “Are you suggesting that someone else pushed the ‘record’ button, miss Swanson?”

“No, but-“

“No buts, miss Swanson!”

“Fred, maybe it’s not-“

“Could you all just please shut up for a second?” Tanya interrupted Beth. 

The hotel room instantly fell quiet, and everyone’s eyes were upon Tanya as she turned around. Her expression was blank as she looked at me. 

I opened my mouth to say something to her, anything. But for some reason I wasn’t able to say anything at all. I was too shell-shocked. 

“I guess everyone really always are after something, aren’t they, miss Manson?” she said plainly. Her expression was still completely blank, and she wasn’t really looking at me. She was staring at a point somewhere above my head. 

“Tanya, I didn’t! do this” I said loudly. “This isn’t... I didn’t do this! Please believe me! I would never do that to you!” 

“What do you want me to think, Mara?” she said tonelessly. She was still not looking at me.

“I’m innocent!” I said, growing more desperate with each passing moment. “You know me! You know I’d never do something like that to you!”

“The audio file came from your phone! You recorded it, and you sent it!” Fred barked. “The email was sent to Snitch magazine late last night. And you’re the only one who’s been anywhere near miss Goldstein since yesterday afternoon! How do you explain that, miss Swanson?!”

I ignored him and looked only at Tanya. “Tanya, it wasn’t me! I know it looks like it, but it wasn’t me, I swear-“

“How could you do this to me?” Tanya interrupted me. Her voice sounded completely mechanic. Dull, almost. “I trusted you.“

“I DIDN’T do this!” I hissed. “I didn’t! You have to believe me! It’s a scam! Someone is trying to-“

“How long have you been undercover?!” Fred demanded. “How long have you been exploited miss Goldstein to gather information about her personal life?!”

“I am not undercover! I’d never take advantage of Tanya! Not ever!” 

“What you’ve done is illegal,” Beth said and looked at Tanya. “Do you want me to call the police for you, miss Goldstein?” 

“Tanya-“

“No,” Tanya interrupted without taking her eyes off the wall. “No police.” 

“But miss Goldstein, she’s committed a crime. We have to-“

“I said no police, Beth,” Tanya said and now there was a slight edge to her voice. 

Beth said nothing else, and I turned my attention back to Tanya. She looked completely... expressionless. Yeah. That was exactly the right word. Her expression was completely blank. I wanted to take her hands. I wanted to take her in my arms, bury my face in her hair. Murmur in her ear that it wasn’t me. That I would never do that to her. I wanted to tell her that she had to believe me. She knew me better than that. She had to. I was almost on the verge of begging as I said: “Tanya, I....”

“You need to leave,” Tanya said flatly, and for the first time I saw her gaze flicker slightly. 

“Tanya-“

She didn’t let me finish. “Now,” she said calmly. She had resumed staring at the wall. 

I shook my head. “It wasn’t me, Tanya! I swear to god, I’d never-“

“Mara,” Tanya said warningly. “You need to leave right now.”

I didn’t want to leave. I wanted to stay here. She hadn’t let me finish. I needed to give her every single reason why I wasn’t the one behind this leak. 

“We were together all the time,” I said quickly, ignoring the fact that everyone present in the hotel room was looking at me. “The email was sent to those magazines late last night. I was asleep right here. When was I even supposed to have the time to edit and send that audio file?”

“You heard miss Goldstein,” Fred said sternly and took a step closer to Tanya, full on protective mood activated. “It’s time you left.”

I ignored and kept my gaze locked on Tanya. “I didn’t do this. You know I didn’t do this!”

“Miss Swanson,” Fred warned. “If you don’t leave the hotel right now, I’ll personally remove you myself. Is that clear?”

“Please don’t be difficult, Mara,” Tanya said lowly and turned her back on me again. “Off you pop.”

There wasn’t any more I could do. Except for looking desperately at Tanya’s back for another moment. I tried to silently will her to turn around so I could tell her that I was not responsible for this, but   
Tanya didn’t turn around. She just said: “off you pop. I’ll send for Peter. He’ll take you home.”

My eyes were prickling with unshed tears as I turned around and stumbled out of the door, out of the hotel room. I heard Fred murmuring something about police again, and I shook my head even though there was no one to see it. I turned around and looked at the door Fred had just slammed behind me. I was on the verge of bursting back inside the hotel room and demand that she listened to me, but before I could do anything, I heard footsteps coming down the hallway. When I turned back around, I saw Peter the chauffeur coming towards me. He looked every bit professional and his voice ditto when he said: “come on, miss Swanson. I’ll take you back to your car.”

I didn’t move an inch. I didn’t want to. I couldn’t. 

“Miss Swanson,” Peter said and now his tone was more clipped. “I’ve been given orders to remove you from the hotel by miss Goldstein. I have to obey my orders.”

“Or what?” I said bitterly. “You’ll drag me out kicking and screaming?”

“No. But I’ll be forced to ask for assistance, and I don’t really want to do that. I think miss Goldstein has enough to deal with right now.”

“Right,” I said and felt a bizarre urge to laugh. “So I suppose I just have to be a good girl and follow you?” 

Peter didn’t bat an eye. “It would certainly make my job easier, miss Swanson.”

Again, what choice did I have? If I kept standing here, Peter would send for “assistance” to “have me removed”. If I attempted to go back into the hotel room to get to Tanya, either Fred or Beth or someone else would send for the police. I had no choice. I turned around again, and Peter motioned for me to follow him. And I did. My stomach felt heavier with each step I took away from Tanya’s room. This couldn’t be happening. I refused to believe it. Someone was doing this to me. Why couldn’t Tanya see that? Why wouldn’t she believe that I would never do something like this to her? How could she not see how I felt about her?

“Miss Swanson. Please keep up,” Peter said gruffly, and I realized that I had stopped again. 

“I’m coming,” I mumbled. “Sorry.”

He didn’t react do that, and I hadn’t really expected him to either. 

The hotel hallway was completely abandoned, and the elevator ride was the most uncomfortable one I had ever taken in my life. Peter said nothing. He barely looked at me. I was distraught and disbelieving and constantly fighting back tears. Tanya hadn’t even looked at me when she turned me away. She had been too repulsed to look at me. She thought it was me who had outed her to the public.

I bit the inside of my cheek hard. I could taste blood. 

The elevator stopped, but Peter didn’t move. He was clearly waiting for me to get out first. Maybe he thought that I was planning on tricking him or something. But I was too numb to even think about trickery. My legs felt like jelly as I stepped out of the elevator and down the hallway towards the door. Now Peter was right behind me. 

We reached the doors, and I turned my head and glanced back one last time....

By the time we reached the parking lot at Juicy Bits’ headquarter, my chest was clenching painfully, and my throat felt constricted. Peter hadn’t said a word to me during the car ride, and I was sure that he was silently judging me. Everyone was. Tanya most of all. She hadn’t even been able to look at me. 

I had to swallow something again and didn’t say anything as I opened the car door and stumbled out of the car. As soon as I had slammed the door, the car drove away, and I was left standing alone on the parking lot. 

I looked around at the abandoned parking lot and felt the urge to scream at the unfairness of all of it. How could Tanya for one minute believe that I was the one who had leaked that audio file?! Well, theoretically, I could understand why I looked guilty. The audio file had been recording on my phone and send from my email account afterwards. But it wasn’t me! It wasn’t! I would never ever do that to Tanya. Why couldn’t she see that? Did she not know how much I cared for her? Did she not now that I would rather hurt myself before hurting her? 

Something wet slithered down my cheek and I angrily scrubbed at it with the back of my hand. I staggered towards my car. I couldn’t very well stay here. And certainly not if my intention really was to blubber. I needed privacy.

My legs still felt like jelly and I fumbled to find my car keys. God, I was completely out of it, and my eyesight was getting increasingly worse. It didn’t help how many times I blinked and tried to will myself to stop. The tears kept coming. I couldn’t remember the last time I had cried. My fingers trembled as I pushed the button on my car keys once. The car unlocked with a pop, and I fumbled blindly to find the door. It took a few attempts before I succeeded, and as soon as I positioned myself on the driver’s seat and slammed and locked the door behind me, I let my head fall down and rest on the steering wheel. “Fucking shit!” I yelled. How could this be happening? My eyes kept prickling, but this time I didn’t attempt to make the tears disappear. I just let them splash onto my cheeks and even sniffled a bit. 

This was the second time I had been kicked out by Tanya. The first time I had been annoyed and fearing that my job was on the line, but this time, it hurt like a stab wound right to the gut. 

I sniffled again and tried to pull myself together, but it didn’t help much. I blinked again. “I didn’t do this,” I whispered to no one in particular. “I didn’t!” but someone else had. And they had gone out of their way to make sure it looked like it was me who had done it. But who was it? It had to be someone who didn’t want me in Tanya’s life, that much was obvious. Otherwise they wouldn’t have used me to leak that audio file. But I couldn’t for the life of me think anyone. Who would want to publicly out Tanya and use me as a tool to do so? Who could be so cruel? 

I came up empty and slammed my fist against the steering wheel in frustration. This couldn’t be the end. No. The thing between Tanya and I couldn’t be over like this. I refused to believe that. For fucks sake, I had been ready to tell her how I felt! And now I never got to because of this. What if she changed her mind and decided to contact the police anyway? Recording a conversation and sharing it afterwards was illegal. I could really get in trouble over this. But of course that wasn’t the worst part. The worst part was that Tanya didn’t believe that I was telling the truth. She thought that I had stabbed her in the back, and it was unbearable. I sniffled and didn’t even care that it was pathetic. I didn’t even have the energy to be angry. Only to be deeply upset. 

I don’t know how long I sat there with my forehead leaned against the wheel and sniffling pathetically. I just knew that my chest hurt. Like actually hurt. It was a physical pain. I couldn’t bear the thought of Tanya hating me. What was it that she had said? 

How could you do this to me?

I trusted you.

I guess everyone really always are after something. 

I swallowed hard and tried to make the lump in my throat go away, but nothing I did seemed to work. The lump was still there. Rock solid and causing my breath to go ragged. I felt utterly pathetic, but right now I couldn’t do anything. I could just sit in my car and take it all in. That Tanya now hated me. That Tanya thought I had outed her. The next sound coming out of my mouth sounded more like a sob than anything else. When was the last time I had genuinely cried? I couldn’t remember. I couldn’t remember the last time something had hurt like this. And fuck, did this hurt! It could be compared to being stabbed in the chest over and over again. I kept seeing the way Tanya turned around because she couldn’t stand looking at me. The way her voice had sounded completely flat and almost uninterested. God, what was I supposed to do with myself? I couldn’t go back to hotel, and I couldn’t get in contact with her any other way. Was I supposed to just accept that this was it? Was I just supposed to try and live with the fact that Tanya thought that I was the one who had outed her?

I couldn’t do that. Refused to do that. No, I had to find a way to convince her of the opposite. Hell, I was prepared to write her fan mail in which I told her that it wasn’t me who outed her. That someone else must have done it. Someone who had it out for me. Would Tanya believe that? Or would she think that it sounded like a total cliché? Wasn’t that the first thing a guilty person did? Pointing fingers at someone else.

I had to swallow something again. Why should she believe me? All evidence was literally pointing to me. For fucks sake, someone had used my email to send those files! It didn’t look good for me. I didn’t look very trustworthy.

A knock on the window scared me half to dead, and I yelped and accidentally honked as I looked up. The security guard that made sure everything was in order at Juicy Bits’ headquarter was standing outside and it was obvious that he wanted to get in contact with me. 

I rolled the window down. “Yeah?”

“Is everything alright?” he asked and raised an eyebrow. “You’ve been sitting here for pretty long.”

“Everything’s fine,” I lied and flashed him something I hoped was a reassuring smile. 

“Do you feel ill?” he asked. Now there was a hint of concern in his voice. 

“Nope, I’m good. It’s just been a long day, that’s all.” Ha. Understatement of the fucking year!

He still didn’t look entirely convinced. “Maybe you should get out of the car for a second? Get a bit of fresh air?”

Now I was the one to raise an eyebrow. What, did he think I was drunk or stoned or something? If that was the case, I would prove him wrong, and I would do it fast! “No, that’s not necessary,” I said, feigning briskness. “I’m fine. I’ll be going now. Thanks for checking in, though. Bye!” with that I rolled the window up and turned the key in the ignition. This was definitely my cue to leave. I had already been threatened with the police once today. I didn’t need anymore negative attention. I could feel the security guard’s eyes on me as I drove out of the parking lot and onto the road. I had no idea where I should go. Home? Angie was gonna be home. And she would undoubtedly ask what had happened. And I would definitely break down when I told her exactly what had happened. I was afraid I was gonna lose it completely. I definitely looked like I had lost it completely. A look in the rearview mirror told me that my cheeks were grimed, and my eyes were swollen and puffy. I couldn’t go home looking like that. Angie would get freaked out. 

Where then? I knew where I wanted to go. Back to the hotel and talk to Tanya. But I couldn’t do that. If I did, I would be dragged out of there. Kicking and screaming. Maybe... I licked my lips slightly. 

Maybe I should pay a visit to my favorite bar. The one on the corner. It had been too long since I last had been there. The last time-

Fuck. The last time I was there was when I ended up sharing a taxi with Tanya. There was no way I could go back to that bar and not think about that encounter. And besides, drinking wouldn’t solve anything, damnit. I would just end up with a headache on top of everything else. I didn’t need that. Despite my heartache, I was still able to marvel a bit. The “old Mara” wouldn’t have let an opportunity to get a drink go to waste. The “old Mara” would have rushed straight to the bar and started drinking. And she wouldn’t have stopped until she was thoroughly shitfaced. Maybe I was growing up or something like that. 

While I was driving in no particular direction, I heard my phone vibrate in my purse. Someone was calling me, but I made no attempt at finding out who it was. I was driving right now. I couldn’t be on the phone. True, I could have pulled over or something like that, but I didn’t do that either. The truth was that I didn’t have the energy to talk to anyone right now. It would have to wait. Until later. Until I knew where the fuck I was even going. 

But whoever it was calling me, didn’t give up. Not even a minute passed before I heard the phone vibrate again. So someone was eager to get in touch with me. It was probably my mom then. She always called multiple times. I felt a little guilty for ignoring the call, but if there was something, I definitely did not have the energy to do, it was talking to my mom. She would talk and talk and ask how “everything is going”. Meaning whether I had gotten a promotion at work and whether I was still single. And those were questions I definitely not was in the mood for right now. 

I switched the radio on only to regret it moments later. Maroon 5 and “She Will Be Loved” was playing. 

“Fucking shit!” I yelled and cursed my rotten luck. “I don’t fucking deserve this!” I switched to another channel, hoping that I could find some meaningless rock song with an aggressive bass or something like that. But the song playing on the next channel was obviously “It’s All Coming Back To Me” by Celine Dion. I sighed and felt tempted to rest my head on the wheel again. Maybe that was what I should do. Maybe I should pull over and scream into the wheel really quickly. 

I didn’t. Of course I didn’t. Instead I flicked around between the channels until I found a song that wasn’t about love or feelings. I did my best to convince myself that I was enjoying the song, but it was pretty hard when my phone kept ringing constantly. Seriously, every two seconds, my phone would start to vibrate again, and I was getting annoyed. Surely, it couldn’t be THAT important, right? I wasn’t in the mood to talk to anyone. I just wanted to be left alone so I could continue my drive towards nothing. I still had no idea where I was going. Maybe I would end up at that bar anyway. Hadn’t I deserved a drink after all? 

But before I could get the chance to decide whether or not I should swing by that bar, my phone started ringing. Again. I growled in annoyance as I pulled over and thrusted one hand inside my purse. Now I wanted to know what the fuck this was about. 

Seven missed calls. All of them from Angie. Not my mom. Angie. I frowned in confusion. The hell was that about? Why was Angie suddenly resolving to phone terror? This wasn’t like her. Angie wasn’t the type who called and certainly not a million times. She preferred texting. Or leaving a message if it was super important. But she hadn’t. Instead she had just called me over and over again. 

Interesting. Maybe I should drive home and see what this was about instead of going to the bar. Yes, I believed that was the right thing to do. This was unlike Angie, and I wanted to make sure that she was alright. 

Instead of calling back, I slipped the phone back in my purse and turned the car around. There would be no moping around in some bar. Instead I would do the responsible thing and go home to check up on my roommate. Like any considerate person would do.

********************

I made it home safe and sound and parked the car. Though not in its usual spot. Some knucklehead driving a red Buick had shamelessly taken my parking spot. I grumbled under my breath. What a jerk. 

But apart from feeling annoyed at Buick-driving idiot, I actually felt a little proud of myself. I hadn’t resolved to drinking. That was a good thing. 

I unbuckled the seatbelt, grabbed my purse and exited the car. My body still felt completely heavy and I dragged my feet behind me as I walked towards the grey building. I could almost see past-Mara rush out of the building in her eagerness to see Tanya. God, it felt like a lifetime ago. I sighed and shook my head. My phone vibrated in my purse again, and after having checked it, I could see that it was Angie calling me. Again. But it seemed a bit silly to call her when I was literally outside. I trusted it could wait until I made it upstairs. But still, this was strange behavior for my roommate. I half-jogged the rest of the way and ripped the door open. Cursed out loud upon discovering that the elevator had been blessed with a large note saying “Out of order” written in block letters across it. Great. Just great. 

I began the long and tiresome walk up the stairs to the third floor, but I had barely made it two steps up before my phone went off in my purse again. God damnit, Angie! Was she worried? I hadn’t been gone for that long. Had I? Coming to think of it, maybe I had. The light had changed outside, and my stomach was rumbling. Maybe I had been sitting in my car for longer than I had thought. Maybe I had in fact worried Angie. I felt a little guilty about that and sped up to a jog again. I was panting by second floor, but there was nothing I could do about that. I couldn’t slow down. I had to show my roommate that I was alive and well. Sort of, anyway. I had to tell her about what had happened today. The accusations made against me. And I would undoubtedly start blubbering all over again. So be it. If   
I had to cry, I might as well do it in front of Angie. She was always awesome at giving comfort. And wine. And greasy snacks. I could use a night of wine and greasy snacks and the company of my best friend. So much better than ending my night in some sleazy bar with a too strong drink. 

My heels clicked against the staircase as I hurried the rest of the way. 

I made it up to my own apartment. I didn’t have to find my key. The door was already unlocked, and I almost tumbled inside in my eagerness to find Angie and get to the bottom of why she had called me so many times. 

“Ang?” I called as I ripped my shoe off and hobbled around on one leg to get the other one off as well. “Angie? You alright?”

“Mara?” it came from the living room. 

“Yeah, obviously,” I called back as I ripped off my jacket and attempted to hang it up. It ended up on the floor. I cursed as I crouched down to pick it up. “What’s with the phone terror?!”

There was no answer. I huffed in annoyance as I hung up the damn coat. Then I stomped down the hallway towards the living room to finally get to the bottom of this once and for all. But I immediately forgot everything I was planning on saying when I made it into the living room. Because Angie wasn’t there alone. Tanya was sitting on the couch with a cup of coffee nestled in her hands. She was wearing the same pinstriped suit I had seen her in earlier, but with the chocolate brown wig tugged over her own blonde hair to conceal her true identity. My jaw dropped and I ended up stuttering like an idiot: “T-  
Tanya?” I could barely believe my own eyes. How could she be here? This made no sense whatsoever. I hadn’t been drinking. I shouldn’t be hallucinating. Had I banged my head a little too harshly against the wheel or something like that?

“Finally!” she said as she sat the coffee cup down on the little round table and stood from the couch. “Where the hell have you been?” she asked as she walked over to me and flipped her chocolate brown hair back over her shoulder with an annoyed gesture. She rolled her grey eyes at me (no contact lenses today) and proclaimed dramatically: “I couldn’t get in touch with you, so I had to ask Angie to call you for me, but you didn’t pick up. Pretty unfortunate when someone is trying to reach you. I need to talk to you!”

No, she got that wrong. I was the one who needed to talk to her. And desperately so! I almost stumbled as I tried to bridge the distance between us. Then I opened my mouth and the words instantly came tumbling out of me in a jumbled, barely coherent mess I had very little control over, but I didn’t care. I had to tell everything. I had to make her believe me. “Tanya, I didn’t do this!” I said frantically and felt utterly tempted to grasp her hands to ensure that she didn’t leave again. “I would never do something like this! I didn’t out you! I didn’t! I know it looks like it was me who did it, but I swear to god, I haven’t done this!” I sucked in a ragged breath and continued my frantic babbling: “someone hacked my phone! Please, please, say you believe me! You gotta believe me! I would never do anything to hurt you, not ever- mmph!” a slim finger was pressed to my lips to shush me.

“Mara, why the hell are you rambling like an idiot?” Tanya asked and looked deeply confused as she shook her head slightly. She didn’t move her finger away from my lips, and her grey eyes stared directly into mine as she said: “of course I believe you.”


	26. On The Same Page

I stared at her. I probably looked like an idiot with my mouth agape like this, but there wasn’t much I could do about it. “You... believe me?”

“Yes, of course,” Tanya said with a light shrug and raised an eyebrow. “Why shouldn’t I?”

I couldn’t fucking believe my own ears. “But,” I spluttered and almost went as far as lifting an accusing finger to point at her. “But you said-“

“I know,” Tanya rolled her eyes. “I had to think fast in the current situation.”

What the actual fuck?! I struggled to process. “So you... believed me earlier too?”

“Yes,” Tanya said and looked exactly as confused as I felt. 

“But you...” now I actually was pointing at her. “You said all kinds of things! And you kicked me out of your hotel room!”

“I had to,” Tanya said. “I was afraid that Fred was gonna call the police on you!”

“B-but....” my voice broke and I felt pathetic. But I couldn’t help it. “You said that I had b-betrayed you!”

Tanya stared dumbfounded at me. For a moment she seemed a hundred percent confused, but then I could almost see the lightbulb be switched on. “And you believed me?!” she said.

I nodded wordlessly.

Tanya slapped a hand against her forehead. “Shit, Mara, I was acting! Why do you think I had to turn around? I was giving the worst performance of my life!”

“You.... You were ACTING?” my voice was growing stronger now. “All of that... All the things you said to me....was an act?!”

“Yes, of course,” Tanya said in an “obviously”-manner. 

A rush of breath escaped me as things slowly started to make sense. How toneless her voice had been. How she hadn’t been able to look me in the eye. Even....

“You called me miss Manson!” I suddenly realized.

“I did,” Tanya nodded. “I was trying to signal to you that I putting on a show, and given your reaction, I thought that you were acting with me.”

A hysterical chuckle escaped me. “I wasn’t.”

“No, so I’ve gathered,” Tanya said and shook her head. “What a mess!” she tore the dark wig off and her own platinum blonde hair sprung free and fell down her back. 

I laughed hysterically once more. “You believe me.”

“Of course I do,” Tanya scoffed. “I’m well aware that you would never betray me.” 

And boom, there was that intense urge to kiss her. I barely cared that Angie was here. 

“Now,” Tanya said and ran her fingers through her blonde hair. “Are you gonna sit down and help me figure out who really outed me?”

“Do you want some coffee, Mara?” Angie half-interrupted as she stood from the couch. “You look like you could need it.”

I managed to flash her a smile. “Yeah, coffee would be great, thanks. If you’re having some yourself.”

“I am,” Angie snickered as she brushed past me into the kitchen. “I’m not doing you any favors.”

I laughed at my roommate and then sat down by the kitchen table where Tanya already had sat down. She was drumming her fingers lightly against the table. I put my hand on the table and wasn’t quite sure whether I was trying to stop her drumming or reach out and touch her hand. But either way, I needed to talk more to her. “Can I ask you something?”

“Sure,” Tanya said. 

“Why do you believe me?” I said plainly. “That I didn’t do it, I mean? All evidence is literally pointing to me.” 

“Oh please,” Tanya scoffed. “This aint amateur hour, Mara. This is obviously a frame job.” 

Another flood of relief surged through me. “Who could have done this?”

“I wanna know that too,” Angie commented as she came back into the living room with two cups of coffee. She gave me one of them and sipped from the other. 

“Someone who’s either stupid or haven’t thought it through. Or both,” Tanya said as she drummed her fingers against the table again and rolled her grey eyes. “We’ve slept together three times, if you really wanted to out me, there has been several opportunities. And if you really wanted to broadcast a story, why not record some of the juicier stuff I said instead?” she rolled her eyes again. “I’m not an idiot. This screams frame job.”

“Three times, huh?” Angie said behind me. 

“Wrong thing to focus on,” I informed her. 

“Sorry.” 

Tanya waved our comments off like it was bugs. “I think that this is more about you than me,” she said and shifted her gaze to me. 

“You do? But you were outed!” I hissed furiously and could feel the anger rise in my chest again. 

“Oh yes,” Tanya said, and I could see her mouth twist for a brief second. “But someone went through an awful lot of trouble to make it look like you were the one who outed me. I think someone is pissed   
that I’m seeing you.”

“You do?”

“Yes,” Tanya scoffed. “Why else hack your email?”

“So...” I struggled to make sense of it all. “You think that someone is....jealous? Of me?”

“Yes, I believe so,” Tanya confirmed. “If someone had a grudge against me, they could just have taken pictures of you and I together and created a fake email and leaked the pictures. But they used your email instead. Why do that if they didn’t want to hurt you as much as me? Someone is obviously trying to drive a wedge in between us.”

“But for what purpose?” Angie participated in the conversation and looked a bit nervous as she addressed Tanya: “to get you all to themselves or something?” 

“I wouldn’t be surprised if you’re right. The world revolves around me,” Tanya dryly joked as she looked around in the apartment. “Mind if I stay the night here? I don’t think going back to the hotel is wise right now.” 

“You think it’s an inside job,” I realized.

“There’s only person I would have suspected of doing something like this,” Tanya said and pushed a strand of platinum blonde hair behind her ear. 

“Who?” I asked. 

“Steph.” Tanya said flatly. 

“Who’s Steph?” Angie asked curiously. 

“My previous assistant.”

Angie raised an eyebrow. “Your assistant?”

“Angie!” I warned. 

“No, you’re quite right,” Tanya said to Angie. “Being involved with my staff is a big-no-no. But I was drunk and stupid. It seemed like a good idea at the time. I’m only a human too.”

“Of course you are,” Angie said quickly. 

“Anyway, she was bitter and made vague threats about how she wanted me to pay for what I had done to her,” Tanya continued. “But I know for sure that she wasn’t anywhere near the hotel last night. So yes, it has to be an inside job.” 

I bit the inside of my cheek. “The thing about the app bothers me, though. Even someone hacked my email to send those files, you have to physically push a button on my phone to activate it.” for some reason, I felt guilty even though I had done nothing wrong.

“Well, lets think it through then,” Tanya said lightly. “Who had access to your phone last night?”

“Uhm...” I thought about it for a moment. “Fred. He took my phone like he always does.”

“You’re right,” Tanya nodded. “He was pretty keen to accuse you, wasn’t he?”

“He was,” I nodded. “You think it could be him?” 

“I think there is a chance,” Tanya said grimly.

“But,” Angie interjected. “If he really wanted to make it look like Mara was the guilty one, then why send the audio file to Snitch and Hush-Hush? Why not just settle for Juicy Bits where she actually works?”

“Good point,” I commented. 

“Yes, that is a good question,” Tanya nodded. “Mara, do you know what time the audio file was sent to your boss?”

“Ingrid said early this morning. And early to her is around six o’clock.”

“Hmm,” Tanya said, clearly considering. 

“Maybe he panicked?” Angie suggested. “Maybe he kept checking Juicy Bits’ website only to discover that no one had written about it? Maybe that’s why he decided to send the audio file to Snitch and   
Hush-Hush? To make sure that the audio file got broadcasted?”

Tanya was clearly impressed. “You know what, that is not a bad theory at all.”

“Thank you, Tanya,” Angie said, seemingly a bit overwhelmed over getting praised by Tanya Goldstein. 

“So, that’s really what we think?” I said and tried to wrap my head around THAT. “That Fred is the one behind this?” 

“I’d say there’s a good chance,” Tanya said. “His reactions earlier today certainly suggested so. He was the one who ‘cleverly’ thought to ask about the recording app on your phone. Why would he ask   
about that if he damn well didn’t know it was there? He’s had a long time to snoop through your phone and figure out how things work.” 

I shifted on the chair. “So he switched the app on before he gave it to Beth.” 

“He must have,” Tanya nodded. 

“But... why last night?” I ventured and scratched the back of my neck. “Like you said, he’s had plenty of other night to pull his little stunt.”

“That I have no answer to,” Tanya said and pursed her lips. “Maybe his jealousy couldn’t handle anymore. I don’t know.” She shook her head again and then cursed slightly under her breath. “It’s damned   
that I have to go to New York tomorrow. I managed to get it pushed to tomorrow night, but that’s definitely not enough time figure this out.”

“What are we even gonna do?” I asked. 

Tanya laughed bitterly. “Well, going out in public and denying all “allegations” probably won’t do any good. And why should I keep lying? If I had been honest in the first place-“ 

I put my hand over hers. “He had no right to take the decision of coming out away from you, Tanya.” 

Tanya bit her lip and for a second I saw a glimpse of that vulnerability. “Yeah, well,” she said and did her best to brush it off as nothing. “What’s done is done.”

“Tanya, this is a big deal,” I said firmly and brushed the pad of my thumb over her hand. “He’s done something that has serious consequences for you!”

“Yeah, you don’t say,” Tanya said, and her grey eyes gleamed dangerously. Her voice was bitter and had risen in volume when she continued: I can’t believe him! That he sees it as his job to interfere with who I decide to fall in love-“

“What?!” I squeaked and interrupted her. “What did you just say?” 

Tanya’s gaze snapped up. “Oh,” she said, and her jaw clenched. “Fuck.”

“I think I’ll go into my room,” Angie announced a little too loudly. “I have some work that needs to be taken care of. See you guys later!” and with that she quickly stood from her chair and disappeared   
into her own room. I heard the door slam shut behind her.

Tanya looked down at her hands. I had never seen her look so insecure before.

“So...” I started softly. 

She shook her head and made blonde curls dance around her face. “Just forget it, Mara.”

“Why?” I asked. “Why do you want me to forget it?”

“Because it doesn’t matter.”

“What are you talking about,” I huffed. “Of course it matters!”

“No. It doesn’t.” 

I ignored that. “Are you in love with me?”

“Mara-“

“ARE you?” I pressed. “Tanya?”

There was a long pause where none of us said anything. Tanya was still looking down at her hands. Seeing her this insecure was positively jarring. Normally she was so confident and sassy. I didn’t quite know what to do with this version of her. The human version. She looked younger somehow. I could suddenly imagine a teenage Tanya who had no idea how to deal with her feelings because it had been drilled into her that her feelings were wrong. 

“Yes. As cliché as it sounds, I am,” she said, and even though she hadn’t said it very loudly, her voice still made me jump. “But it doesn’t matter,” she continued. 

I stared at her. “How can you even say that? Why doesn’t it matter?!”

“Because you don’t feel the same for me,” Tanya said simply and withdrew her hand from underneath mine. 

“What makes you say that?!”

She shrugged. “Otherwise you would have said something, right?”

“How was I supposed to say anything when I didn’t know?!” I squeaked. 

Tanya shook her head again. “How could you not know, Mara? I’ve been inviting you for dinners. I gave you a ride to work. I stayed the night at your place and borrowed your clothes. I even asked you to   
come to New York with me.”

“But you were just joking.”

“Was I?”

“Weren’t you?”

“I wasn’t,” Tanya said with a headshake. “I thought that would make you understand, but when you didn’t react to it, I figured that you didn’t feel the same.”

I gaped. “And I thought that you didn’t... That you weren’t interested in ME.”

“And why wouldn’t I be?” Tanya retorted and looked at me. “You’re clever, you’re beautiful, you have an excellent sense of humor. And you actually challenge me instead of being all “yes, miss Goldstein” and “no, miss Goldstein”. You have no idea how refreshing that has been.”

I just gaped at her. “You’re in love with me.”

Tanya scoffed. “Yes, Mara. Should we perhaps broadcast it? Or dare I hope that you’ll actually tell me that you share my feelings?” 

“I do!” I blurted. “I’m... I’m in love with you too.” 

Tanya put her hand over mine and smiled a big, beautiful, dazzling Hollywood smile. “Good,” she said simply. “It’s an enormous cliché, but what the hell.” 

I laughed. “You think it’s a cliché?” 

“Oh yes,” Tanya said, and her lips curled up in a slight smile.

“I might kiss you,” I blurted out. 

“Really?” Tanya rolled her eyes. “Another cliché. But I suggest you hurry then, miss Swanson. We still have things we need to discuss.”

I leapt from my chair and almost stumbled on my way over to her. I cupped her cheeks and kissed her. Tanya put her hand over mine as we kissed, and I could have sworn I heard her chuckle slightly. 

Relief surged through me as we kissed each other. I didn’t care if it was a cliché. I was in love with her, and for some inexplainable reason, she reciprocated my feelings. She felt the same for me. She believed me. Believed that I would never backstab her. We were in this together. 

After a moment I pulled back and looked at her. “Was that another cliché?”

“Yes,” Tanya said with a slight chuckle. “An enormous one. But I can live with that.”

“Good,” I said sardonically without moving my hands away from her face.

“Now sit,” she ordered. “We have things to talk about.” 

“Like your undying love for me?” I teased as I sat down again. 

“You’re hilarious, Mara. Truly,” Tanya said sardonically and shook her head. 

“I immediately sobered up. “”hat are gonna do about Fred? You’re gonna fire him, right?” that was the most important thing right now. We could talk about everything else later.

Tanya’s hand curled into a fist. “Just firing him seems far too lenient after what he’s done. No. I want him to admit it out loud!”

“I get that,” I said softly. “But how are we gonna do that exactly?” 

Tanya’s forehead wrinkled as she thought about it. She was quiet for a moment, but then a rather wicked smile spread on her lips.

“Okay, I’m not saying that you look scary when you do that, but-“

“Shut up,” Tanya interrupted and held up a hand to shush me. “Let me think this through.”

I obediently kept my mouth shut until Tanya spoke up again: “we know that he did this to tear us apart, yes?” 

“He did it because he is a massive dickhe-“

“His main goal was to ensure that I found out the audio file was sent from your email account,” Tanya interrupted. “And he counted on that I would be showing you the door because of it.”

“True.”

“So we can agree that his main interest wasn’t to out me as such, but to give me a reason to end things with you. The conversation between you and I was just a welcome opportunity to do so. A scandal. A leak that could only be traced back to you,” Tanya summarized. 

“Yes, that all makes sense,” I said confused. “But I still don’t get how that’s supposed to-“

“Don’t you get it, Mara?” Tanya interrupted and looked intensely at me. “What if I do the exact opposite of what he’s counting on? Say, I went public and gave an interview in light of this recent....scandal.   
An honest interview where I tell my side of the story? ‘come out’ properly, so to speak.”

“That could work,” I nodded as it slowly began to dawn on me what she was talking about. 

“Perhaps, but it all depends on one thing...”

“What?” 

“You,” Tanya said with an uncharacteristic softness to her voice.

“Me?” I echoed as I looked up at her.

“Yes. You.” Tanya put her hand over mine. “Fred’s goal was to break us up. Imagine his reaction if I go out in public and announce that you’re my girlfriend. That’s bound to make him screw up and reveal himself in some way. If he really is jealous of you, he won’t let that opportunity go to waste.” 

“Oh,” I said quietly. Yeah, I totally understood what she was saying. An announcement like that would make Fred go crazy. And the rest of the world. Everyone would find out. My colleagues. My boss. My parents. Everyone. 

“It’s just an idea,” Tanya said softly and gave my hand a little pat. “A way to make him slip up and expose himself, and I suppose-“

The way she suddenly stopped talking made me ask: “what?”

“Nothing. I don’t want to pressure you into this.”

“Tell me.” now I was definitely pressuring a little. 

Tanya sighed. “I was outed, Mara. In the most sordid way possible. Those two magazines made it sound horrible and dirty and wrong. The exact same message my parents has been drilling into me since I was fourteen. I can’t make that fucking audio file disappear, but I can tell the real story. That I’m not involved in some torrid love triangle with Alexander and a woman I randomly seduced. That audio file makes me sound like I’m a predator or-“

“Hey. You’re not,” I said quickly and squeezed her hand tightly. “We were joking around and being flirty with each other.”

“You and I know that, but I don’t want the rest of the world to think that I’m a predator. Or someone who dates multiple people at the same time.” She sighed deeply. “I want people to know the truth. My truth.” 

“Yeah.” I more than understood that. 

“But this is a big deal, Mara. Everyone would be interested in you. Every last magazine. Everyone would fight to get a piece of you. And they would find out everything about you. Literally everything. If you   
stole a piece of candy as a teenager, they would find out.” 

“I've never stolen anything,” I chuckled. 

“It was an example, moron.” 

I ignored the insult. “I’ve never done anything scandalous. Well, except for gotten a ticket for speeding once, but that’s about it.”

Tanya smiled a little. “I got a ticket too once.”

“For speeding?”

“Yes,” she smirked now. “I was wearing my wig and contact lenses so the officer couldn’t recognize me. A shame, really. I could probably have talked my way out of it if I hadn’t been wearing my disguise.”

I spluttered. “God, you’re awful!”

”I know,” she laughed and smirked once more. 

Once done laughing, I grew serious again. “I’d like to help you with telling the truth.”

“Seriously?” Tanya stared at me like I had sprouted a second head. 

“Yeah,” I said. “If those magazines wants something to talk about, let’s give them something!”

“Mara-“

“Tanya, I MEAN it!” I said firmly. “You’ve... You’ve made me pretty happy lately. And I want people to know that. True, announcing it to a magazine might be a tad dramatic-“ I laughed heartedly. “But if that’s what it takes to make Fred expose himself, I’m all for it.”

Tanya looked at me for a long time without saying anything.

“I’m serious,” I said plainly and gave her hand another squeeze. “You’re right, those magazines made it look like you should be ashamed of yourself, and I haven’t stopped being angry since I listened to   
that fucking audio file. I want to give the world something else to talk about. I want to show them two people who are happy together and not that sordid, manipulated junk and crappy article!”

Tanya laughed a little. “So you’re ready for the whole world to know who you are?”

“I’m ready for the whole world to know that we make each other happy,” I corrected and felt my stomach somersault. Why not simply do this? Dating Tanya Goldstein wasn’t gonna be a private affair.   
Sooner rather than later, someone would find out. Wasn’t it better that we decided when and where instead of some photographer who lurked in the bushes and took pictures of us when we didn’t know?

“If you’re really sure-“

“I am!” I interrupted.

“Then I need to put things into motion immediately,” Tanya said as she stood from the chair. “First thing being the director. He knows about what’s going on, but I can’t be in New York right now.”

“Isn’t that gonna be a problem?” I asked. “You guys are shooting the last scene, aren’t you?”

“We are,” Tanya confirmed. “But I believe it can be postponed at least for a little while. I’ll be right back.” with that she went into the hallway and disappeared into my room to talk to her director. 

I remained sitting at the table and tried to wrap my head around everything. Tanya was in love with me. I was in love with her. And now we were going public with it. God, we were actually going public with it! I shook my head slightly. It sounded too wild to be true, but what did that matter? I knew that Tanya didn’t deserve to be displayed like she was some sort of predator. What was it that magazine had written? ‘Lesbian drama’. I scoffed. There was no ‘lesbian drama’ here. There was just two people who cared for each other, and I was more than willing to help Tanya show the world that. 

Angie appeared in the kitchen and looked around. “Hey, what’s going on? Did Tanya leave?” 

“No. She’s on the phone with her director,” I told her. 

“Okay. If she’s still here, why do you look rattled?” Angie asked and raised an eyebrow. “Is everything alright?”

I laughed croakily. “Let’s just say, everything is happening at once.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Angie asked. 

“Sit down,” I chuckled and nodded to the chair Tanya had just abandoned. 

Angie took a seat, and I explained things to her. How Tanya and I were planning on “going public” with two purposes. One: to tell everyone how things really were. And two: to make Fred expose himself out of pure anger.

“Holy shit,” Angie said and gaped at me. “Are you sure you’re ready for all that? I mean, this is gonna be a big deal, Mara.”

“Yeah, I know,” I nodded. “But I think it’s the only way. Tanya had the opportunity of coming out taken away from her. She deserves to tell the real story. And if I can help her in any way...” I took a breath. 

“I get it. At least I think I do,” Angie said with a slight nod. “And did you and she talk about what she said?”

“So you weren’t listening?” I teased. 

“I tried. Couldn’t hear shit. You could at least have talked louder.”

I chuckled. “You’re such an idiot. But yeah. We did.” 

“And please for the love of god tell me that you proclaimed your love for her! Or I swear to god I’ll-“

“I told her how I felt,” I said quickly. 

“Thank god!” Angie said and flashed me a big grin. 

I smiled back. I knew I looked idiotic, but I couldn’t help it. 

Angie gave me a nudge. “I’m proud of you. You’ve been mad for her for ages.” 

“I have not-“ 

“Mad for who?” Tanya interrupted as she came back into the kitchen.

“You,” I admitted with a slight grumble. 

“Oh,” she chuckled and gave my shoulder a squeeze. “That’s nice.” 

“Mmm,” I said vaguely. “Did you talk to your director?”

“I did. I had the scene postponed with one week,” she said. “That should give us plenty of time.”

I nodded, and she gave my shoulder a little squeeze. “We don’t have to do it,” she reminded me. 

“I want to,” I said immediately and smiled at her. 

Tanya returned the smile and looked like she was about to say something more, but then her phone went off in her pocket. She fished it out and her expression immediately darkened. “I’m sorry, but I have to take this,” she said quietly and turned around and disappeared into the hallway again. 

I tilted my head in confusion. That was a bit abrupt. 

“Do you want Chinese for dinner?” Angie asked and pulled me out of my thoughts. 

“Huh? Yeah. Chinese. That sounds good.”

“Cool.” Angie pursed her lips slightly. “Do you think Tanya wants Chinese for dinner?” 

I laughed. “Yeah, why shouldn’t she? Everyone likes Chinese, and I’m pretty sure she isn’t an exception.” 

Angie muttered something about how this practically was like serving takeaway for the queen. I snickered and didn’t completely disagree with her. Having Tanya Goldstein over for Chinese takeaway was definitely a bit surreal. I rubbed a hand over my face and winced at the way my skin felt a bit puffy underneath my eyes. “Oh my god, I look a mess!” 

“No, you don’t,” Angie said loyally. 

I snorted. “Yeah right. I can literally feel how fucked up my face is. I look like shit!” I had to fix this, so I quickly excused myself and went into the bathroom where I winced upon seeing my own reflection. 

Yep, I looked like shit. My nose was red and my eyes puffy. You could easily tell that I had been crying. Now I better understood why Tanya had looked so concerned. I made a face as I dabbed a washcloth over my poor eyes. I looked like I had just escaped the psych ward or something. Right now, I definitely looked like someone who easily could be guilty of leaking audio files. I chuckled dryly to myself as I ripped off a piece of toilet paper and blew my nose. How had Tanya even been able to take me seriously when I looked like this? Seriously, I looked like something that had just emerged from under a rock. 

Tanya had called me beautiful, but today that was definitely a stretch to say the least. 

Tanya was in love with me. That was the main thing I should be focusing on here. Not my appearance. I washed my hands in the sink and took a moment to let that sink in. She was in love with me. My heart thudded in my chest. She actually felt the same. And judging by her words, she had for a while. How could I have been so blind? Had I really been so busy denying my own feelings? 

Yes, probably. I shook my head. But that was over now. I would never deny how I felt again. Least of all when it came to Tanya. To think that she had thought that I hadn’t felt the same. That was ridiculous. But proof that she had insecurities just like me. She was far from the spoiled princess I once thought she was. So very far from it. She was... Well, incredible. 

I blinked. I couldn’t stand here and get lost in my own head. I turned around and left the bathroom. Padded down the hallway and was about to ask Angie something, but completely forgot all about it when I heard noise from my bedroom. I stopped abruptly and listened. That didn’t sound like Tanya being on the phone. That sounded like...sniffling. 

Wait, what?!

I frowned as I shamelessly lingered by the door. Was Tanya crying?! No, surely not! I acted solely on my instincts as I pushed the door open and went inside my bedroom. 

Tanya spun around when I closed the door behind me, and I very briefly saw her rub the back of her hand over her cheeks. “Hey,” she said, and it was obvious that she tried so hard to sound like her usual self. 

I didn’t buy it. “Are you crying?” 

“No,” she immediately denied. 

“Tanya, I can see that you’re upset,” I said softly. 

“Can you now? Then why bother asking?” she half-snipped and I saw her chin quiver very slightly.

I went over to her and put a hand on her arm. 

“I’m fine, Mara,” she dismissed.

“You literally aren’t,” I murmured softly as I looked at her. Now her eyes were brimming with tears. “Talk to me?” 

“There isn’t much to say.”

“Try anyway.” 

Tanya sighed. “My father just called to inform me that I’m no longer welcome at their h-house.” Her voice broke. “Which shouldn’t be so surprising all things considered.” 

“I’m really sorry, Tanya,” I said as I draped my arms around her and pulled her closer. 

“It’s hardly your fault,” she said and was clearly desperately trying to sound normal. 

“It kinda is though,” I whispered. “If I hadn’t-“

“Mara, you are not in any way responsible for this,” Tanya interrupted. “It’s Fred’s fault. Okay?”

I inhaled the spicy scent of her perfume for a moment before muttering: “I still can’t believe you believe me.”

Tanya chuckled and the sound was distinctly more wet. I hugged her tighter and she didn’t push me away. Every now and then we all need to be comforted. And I was more than willing to do that. She   
wasn’t full on bawling, but she was definitely sniffling/hiccupping, attempting to mask the sound. But she had every right to be upset. I told her that, and I could feel how she shivered in my arms. 

“You don’t have to pretend, you know?” I whispered. 

Another shiver, and then Tanya lifted her head: “there’s something I have to tell you,” she said almost gruffly. “Before the tabloid magazines finds out and starts writing about THAT too.” 

“Okay? And what’s that?” I asked gently and lifted my head so I could look at her. 

Tanya swallowed audibly and her gaze flickered. “I’m bipolar,” she whispered quietly and looked like she had just confessed a crime. “Sometimes that makes me reckless. Irresponsible, if you will. That night in the elevator-“ she took a breath. “I had forgotten to take my medicine that morning, and I was acting reckless because of it, and I’m really so-“

“Tanya, I already know,” I gently interrupted her. 

She blinked. “W-what?” 

“I know that you’re bipolar,” I said softly. “I’ve known since our first morning at the hotel.”

“You... You have? But how did you-“

“I heard you mention ‘lithium’, and I’m a reporter,” I flashed her a hesitant grin. “I get nosey. I wanted to figure out what it was, and once I knew I put two and two together.”

“Oh,” Tanya said, looking slightly dumbfounded. 

“Yeah,” I said softly and pulled her close once again. “You’ve got nothing to worry about, Goldstein.” 

“I forgot to take my medicine,” she whispered and sounded years younger than her age. 

“And then you remembered,” I soothed. 

She laughed hoarsely. “Mara, the point is that I have to remember to take it every day.”

“Then I’ll help you remembering.”

“You will?”

“Yeah. If you want me to, that is.”

Tanya swallowed something. “I’d... I’d like that.” 

“Good.” I reached up and pecked her jaw. “How do you feel about Chinese for dinner?” 

Now she chuckled again. “I’d like that too.”

I returned the grin. “Come here,” I said lightly and cupped her cheeks to bring her face closer to mine. Then I kissed her again. We probably weren’t done discussing things, but right now, it could wait. 

Tanya slipped her arms around my waist. Her cheeks were still wet under my fingers. Perhaps she was still crying as we kissed, but that was okay. It was more than okay.


	27. The Best Laid Plans

Before this night, I thought that I had a pretty good idea what “surreal” was. Surreal was hearing your girlfriend of three years say: “there’s someone else”. That’s what surreal was.

But tonight I learned that I had been wrong. “Surreal” was sitting in the living room and having Chinese takeaway. With Tanya Goldstein. Now that was fucking surreal. But as surreal as it was, it also felt really good. Really, really good. It was oddly symbolic in some way. That she was having dinner here in Angie and mines apartment. 

But once I was capable of finally looking past all the warm feelings flooding my body, it wasn’t hard to spot that Tanya wasn’t doing all that great. She was uncharacteristically quiet and had been for most of the time while we were having dinner. I could sense that she was millions of miles away. She looked so lost, and I felt oddly tempted to drive all the way to Montana and yell at her parents. They were the reason why she was quiet. Whatever her father had said to her, had clearly upset her more than she cared to admit. 

Angie slurped the last noodle down and wiped her greasy fingers on a napkin. “So? How are you guys gonna do this?”

“Do what?” I asked distractedly and without taking my eyes off Tanya. 

“Y’know...the whole reveal thing,” she gestured to me and Tanya. 

“Oh,” I frowned. “I dunno. We’ll think of something.”

“You guys are planning on going public in a magazine,” Angie continued. “I was just curious about which one. I mean, not Snitch or Hush-Hush, right? You can’t do that after what they did-“

“Angie-“ 

“Juicy Bits,” Tanya interrupted, and her voice sounded way raspier than usually after her long silence.

I blinked. “What?”

“It’s the only magazine that has treated me like more than a blonde bombshell,” Tanya said simply. “The interview you made with me was one of the best.”

“I-“ I was obviously flattered, but... “Tanya, I can’t exactly interview you this time.”

“I’m aware,” she rolled her eyes. “Obviously, it has to be another reporter.” 

“I don’t get it,” I admitted. 

“You don’t?” she snickered slightly and for a second she looked like the same old Tanya. “It’s not that complicated.” 

Now I was the one to roll my eyes. “Care to explain?”

“But of course, my dear,” she sad with a tone that only suggested the faintest hint of sarcasm. “I’d call your boss and tell her that I, in light of the past days drama and revelations...” her mouth twisted slightly before she continued: “....want to do another interview. I’ll request a photographer and two reporters because one isn’t enough and I’m difficult like that.”

I chuckled and rolled my eyes again. “TWO reporters? You think my boss will agree to sending two reporters?” 

“But of course,” Tanya drawled. “She’ll hear the words “extensive interview” and focus on that. And surely, she’ll understand why I’d want a reporter I’m already comfortable with. I’ll make it sound like both of you are there to ask me questions for this big interview...”

“So....what, you’re saying that you’ll name me as your girlfriend at some point during the interview?” I asked and tried to keep my jaw in place. 

“Yes,” Tanya smirked. “Couldn’t that be fun?” She leaned in slightly and patted my knee. “Think about it, Mara. How do you think your boss would react if you suddenly were to appear by my side in a different magazine? And honestly...” she got that vulnerably look in her eyes again. “The only magazine I could imagine telling this story to, is Juicy Bits. You treated me with respect and showed the world that I’m a human being and not this...blonde bombshell. I could use that after that audio file... 

I automatically put my hand over hers. 

“Well, I think it’s a brilliant plan,” Angie said simply and grinned slightly. “God, imagine Ingrid’s reaction!” 

“Yes,” Tanya snickered. “It should be interesting. That is...” she turned her head and looked at me. “If you’re okay with it.”

“I didn’t even have to think about it. “I am. People wanna talk about you? Fine. Then let’s damn well give them something to talk about!” I squeezed her hand. “Let’s give them something real, and not something that has been fucking manipulated!”

“I agree,” Tanya said quietly. “And hopefully, it’ll spark a reaction from Fred when he reads the article and sees the pictures of us together.”

“Oh, I’m sure it will.” 

“But you have to stay at the hotel with me once the article has been published,” she continued.

“I do? Why?”

“Because...” Tanya bit her plump bottom lip for a moment before answering: “he could potentially try and come for you.”

“Oh,” I said. I hadn’t thought of that.

“I’m not trying to scare you, Mara, but he obviously has a grudge against you,” Tanya said and spoke softly as though I was a frightened animal. “And I have a whole staff of security at the hotel. Obviously,   
I can arrange for security here in the apartment, but I’d be a lot calmer if you came to stay at the hotel with me.” 

“Well, I certainly wouldn’t mind crashing at the hotel with you,” I told her. 

“Are you saying that Mara could be in danger?” Angie asked sharply. 

“No,” Tanya said firmly. “It won’t come to that. I can guarantee you that. I’ll arrange for someone to follow her twenty four seven, if that’s what it takes.”

“Actually, I think that’s a bad idea,” I interjected. 

Tanya raised an eyebrow. “Excuse me?”

“Think about it,” I said. “If he really does decide to come for me, we’ll definitely know for sure that he’s the guilty-“

“No,” Tanya and Angie said in unison. 

“But-“

“Absolutely not,” Tanya said flatly. “You’re not gonna deliberately put yourself in danger, and that’s final. We’re announcing our relationship, and trusting that that’ll make him say something   
incriminating, but that’s it. There will be no provoking or attempting to push him into reacting. Is that clear?”

“Okay,” I said and held up my hands in surrender. “Okay. I get it.”

“Good,” Tanya said and visibly relaxed. “Tomorrow I’ll be calling Juicy Bits and arranging an interview.” She ran two fingers through her hair. “And if you don’t mind, I think I’ll hijack your shower for a moment. Is that okay?”

“Sure. Go ahead,” Angie said.

“Thank you,” Tanya said as she stood from the couch. She looked at me. “I didn’t bring anything. Mind if I raid your closet and find something appropriate for sleeping in? This suit is nice but not very comfortable...” 

I cracked a smile. “Sure. Knock yourself out.” 

She returned the smile and nodded to Angie. Then she walked through the living room towards the hallway. I watched as she walked away. It was impossible not to notice how her shoulders slumped in that tell-tale way they always do when someone is upset. 

“Is she okay?” Angie asked quietly. 

“No, I don’t think she is,” I replied just as quietly. I could feel that anger swirl in my chest again. 

“What did her parents say to her?” Angie whispered. 

“I don’t know,” I muttered. It was Tanya herself who had told Angie that her father had called to let her know how “dissatisfied” he was with her. Tanya had tried to make a joke of it, and she had even   
laughed at it, but I knew her well enough to know how hollow her laughter had sounded. 

“It’s scary, isn’t it?” Angie said quietly. “It’s 2020, and there’s still parents who turn their backs on their children because of something so insignificant as sexuality...”

“Yeah,” I nodded. She was right. That was scary. And sad. Homophobia shouldn’t still be a problem, and yet it was. 

We sat in silence and listened to the sound of the shower. I kept considering whether I should go in there and join her. Maybe that could cheer her up. But on the other hand, there were times where a girl   
just had to wash her hair alone, and I had a feeling that tonight was one of those times for Tanya. 

“It’s strange,” Angie said and broke the silence. “I’ve been idolizing her and wondering what it would be like to meet her and fearing that I would be disappointed if it happened, but... she’s even better in real life.”

“That she is.” 

“And she’s clearly completely smitten with you.”

I could feel that I was blushing. “I’m pretty smitten with her too.”

Angie snickered. “Yeah, I know. I heard the kissing sounds earlier.” 

“Right.” 

She laughed again. “Please tell me you’re gonna behave tonight. The walls are thin.”

“Angie!” I cried and threw a pillow at her. “Nothing’s gonna happen!”

“Good. I’d like to sleep peacefully,” my roommate teased good-naturedly. 

“You are such an idiot!” I groaned. 

“You love me,” Angie proclaimed and flashed me a big, toothy grin. 

“Not when you’re being an ass I don’t.”

She laughed shamelessly. “God, tonight has been weird!”

“Yeah.” I agreed with her. “But nice too.”

“Mhmm, it’s not everyday you get to confess your feelings to Tanya Goldstein...”

“You seriously need to shut up!” I barked and threw the other pillow at her. Angie ducked, and the pillow ended up on the floor. She raised an eyebrow. “I hope you’re planning on picking that up yourself,   
because I shan’t...”

I made a point of rolling my eyes and groaning like an old lady as I demonstratively stood from the couch and picked up the damn pillow. I neatly placed it on the couch where it belonged. “There. Happy now?” 

“Very,” Angie snickered. 

“Idiot,” I said flatly. 

She scoffed. “Is that how you talk to Tanya?”

“Well...” I couldn’t exactly run from that. 

“Jesus, Mara,” Angie rolled her eyes. “You are one very, very brave woman.”

I was just about to answer that when I heard the shower being switched off. There was some rummaging around in the bathroom, a floorboard creaked in the hallway, and I could hear Tanya’s footsteps walk towards my bedroom. I raised an eyebrow. Wasn’t she planning on coming back to the living room? Maybe I should go and check on her real quick. 

“I better...” I said and nodded towards the hallway.

“Yeah,” Angie nodded. “It’s getting kinda late, so...”

“It is,” I nodded. “And it’s been a bit of a crazy day, I’m actually a bit tired.”

“I get it,” Angie said and gave me a slight nudge. “Go and see your sweetheart.”

“Angie.”

“What? I didn’t say something that’s not true,” she teased but then grew serious. “No, really, go and see her. I doubt anyone would be fine as a fiddle after a day like this.”

“I will,” I said as I stood from the couch. “Thanks for being so awesome today.”

“I always am,” Angie said with an eyeroll. “Now go!”

And so I went. Down the hallway and into the bathroom where I quickly brushed my teeth and did the other things I would normally do when going to bed. I didn’t shower, though. That could wait until tomorrow morning. I was too tired right now. I glanced at my reflection, and sure enough, there were dark circles underneath my swollen, puffy eyes. I grimaced. Jesus, I looked like a right mess! I dabbed a bit underneath my eyes in the hope that it would make them look normal tomorrow, and then I continued into the bedroom. 

Tanya was lying on her back in the bed. Arms folded across her chest, and eyes staring at the ceiling without really seeing anything. She was wearing one of the blue and grey checkered men’s shirt I had a habit of using as sleepwear. Her hair was wet from the shower and looked darker because of it. She had removed her makeup, and now it struck me how tired she too looked tonight. 

“Hey,” I said as I closed the bedroom door behind me. 

“Hey.” 

Silence. I licked my lips and considered how I was supposed to get her to talk to me. I couldn’t exactly MAKE her, I knew that, but I also knew that everything wouldn’t just magically be fixed because of a few kisses and one conversation. Her life had just been messed up completely, and that wasn’t just gonna go away because we went public in a magazine. 

“Are you allowed to have a cat in this apartment?” Tanya asked. 

“Yup. A cat but not a dog. Unfortunately.” I was a dog-less dog-lover who couldn’t resist petting every dog that crossed my path. 

“Would it be alright if I had Genevieve brought over tomorrow then? I miss her.”

“It’s fine with me. Neither me nor Angie are allergic.”

“Brilliant.”

Silence again. I stripped out of my clothes and found another checkered nightshirt. As soon as I had buttoned it, I turned around to look at Tanya. Her gaze was still fixated on the ceiling, and it made me a hundred percent concerned about her. I had never been very good at comforting people, and if there was someone who looked like she needed comfort, it was Tanya. I wanted to comfort her. But I was unsure of how. I had to follow my instincts. I crossed the floor and climbed into bed with her. Pecked her cheek lightly. “Hi.”

“Hi,” she said. Her voice was flat like a balloon the air was seeping out of. I had never heard her sound so tired and disinterested. She shifted and brought her arms down by her side instead as to make her pose less closed off. “This is not aimed at you,” she told me as she gestured towards herself. “I’m just...”

“Yeah. I know.” I nodded and reached for her hand. She didn’t reject it. Instead she immediately turned her palm upwards so our fingers could interlace. Porcelain and ivory. Her fingernails painted a dark shade of red, and mine free of any nail polish. 

Tanya looked down at our interlaced fingers for a moment. Then she asked: “would it be okay if I gave people a preview?” 

“A preview?” I echoed, not entirely sure what she meant. 

“A picture,” Tanya clarified. “Can I take a picture of our hands?” 

“Oh. Sure. Go ahead.” 

“You’re sure?” Tanya asked and lifted one of her well-shaped eyebrows. 

“Of course. My face will be all over the magazines pretty soon anyway, so I doubt it’ll hurt anyone to see my hand.” I joked. 

Tanya gave a slight chuckle as she roamed and found her phone. “Are you still absolutely certain you want to do that? Go public, I mean? It’s a big step.”

“I want to nail Fred’s miserable ass to the wall,” I growled. “And I also want to show the world that what’s going on between you and I aren’t something sordid like those fucking newspapers made it look like.”

“Everyone will know who you are,” Tanya said softly. 

“Yeah,” I said and gave her hand a squeeze. 

“And not everyone might be kind to you.”

“I know that. And I can handle it.”

“Are you sure?” 

“Yes.” I gave her hand another squeeze. “Are you having second thoughts? About going public, I mean?” 

“No, of course not. I’m just trying to protect you. Reporters can be ruthless. No offense.”

I chuckled. “Take that picture and publish my hand, Goldstein.”

Tanya chuckled too as she fidgeted with her phone with one hand. After a second, she held it up so she could snap a picture of our interlaced hands. “Smile,” she said dryly as she took the picture. 

I couldn’t help but snigger. “I hope my hand will look good on Instagram.” 

“It’ll definitely be the source of questions,” Tanya replied and released my hand so she could tap on her phone. 

I stretched my neck so I could look over her shoulder. The picture was as “mysterious” as could be. A black and white filter and our hands with fingers interlaced. Nothing grand. But I was way more interested in the caption. A simple but oh so telling heart emoji and nothing else. And a tag. #She. Nothing else. 

“That look okay?” Tanya asked and turned her head slightly. 

“Yeah. It looks great.”

“Perfect,” Tanya said lightly and then tapped the “post” button. The picture disappeared, and I knew that she had just shared it with the rest of the world. 

“No going back now,” she quipped lightly as she turned around, so we were face to face.

“Nope,” I said simply and glanced as she put her phone down on the nightstand. “Can I ask you something?” 

“Sure.”

“Can I have your number?” I asked almost goofily.

Tanya laughed hoarsely. “Yeah. You can have my number. My actual number.”

“Great,” I grinned. “Can’t wait.” 

Tanya grabbed her phone again, and after a few seconds of tapping, I heard my phone vibrate noisily against the coffee table in the living room. 

“That was me, sending you a text,” Tanya said lazily and flashed me a little smile. 

“Cool,” I smiled as I looked at her. “You look great wearing my clothes.”

“You look great wearing mine,” Tanya shot back. “What DID happen to my purple shirt?”

“It’s in my closet.”

“And am I ever getting it back?”

“Nope. I’m thinking of keeping it,” I chuckled. 

“Thought so. Oh well. It looked better on you anyway,” Tanya said as she rolled onto her back again. Her eyes clouded over with that vulnerability again, and her voice was low when she said: “can I ask you something?

“Yeah, of course.”

“How old were you when you came out? I figured you’re openly...”

“Gay,” I calmly finished the sentence. “Yeah, I am. I was sixteen when I came out, so a bit older than you.”

“And your parents? How did they take it?” Tanya asked and kept her gaze fixated on the ceiling. 

“They were pretty cool about it. They sort of already figured it out. I was pretty tomboyish back then. My hair was even shorter then that it is now.” I reached up and touched the floppy mess on top of my head. “And I had never once talked about guys, so it didn’t come as a massive surprise to them. As far as I remember, my mom said “fine” and my dad made a terrible joke about never being at risk of getting pregnant.” 

Tanya chuckled. “That’s nice. I’m happy you had it easy.”

“I’m sorry you didn’t.” 

She shrugged and talked to the ceiling as she said: “my sweet father informed me that I’m a “dyke” and “dykes” are not welcome in his home.”

“Oh god, Tanya! That’s terrible!”

“But to be expected,” she said flatly. “This shouldn’t come as a surprise to me.”

“You have every right to be upset about this,” I reminded her and spontaneously put a hand on her thigh.

“My youth was terrible,” Tanya said to the ceiling and wrinkled her nose. “It might sound dramatic, but it was. All the lies to hide who and what I truly was. The fake boyfriends...” she shook her head. “It   
was a farce, Mara. A fucking farce. That truly was my first acting job. Pretending I was someone else.”

“I’m so sorry, Tanya,” I said gently. “I....I can’t imagine how that must have been for you.”

“And I’m glad that’s the case,” Tanya said, still to the ceiling. “No kid deserves to grow up with homophobic parents.”

“That is very true.” I wiggled a bit so I was lying closer to her and could brush my cheek against her shoulder. “Can I ask you something?”

“Mmm.”

“You and the fake boyfriends...” I slowly began and could feel how Tanya immediately stiffened next to me. I nuzzled my cheek against her shoulder again. “Did you...” I swallowed and had to try again. “You didn’t ever feel pressured into-“

“Having sex.” Tanya dully finished the sentence. 

“Well...Yes.”

“No. And of course I got a reputation of being “prudish” because of that-“ Tanya rolled her eyes. “But no. Nothing like that ever happened before I came to New York.”

“Good.” I said firmly. 

Tanya snorted.

“What, I mean it!” I said even more firmly. “I was afraid that you had felt like you had to...” 

Tanya chuckled now. “I was seventeen and her name was Sally Adams, okay?” 

“Right then. Should I be jealous?” I teased. 

She snorted again. “Oh yes. Extremely. No, Mara. You should not be jealous.” She shifted so she finally was looking at me instead of the ceiling. “Tell me... is there someone I should be jealous of?” 

I couldn’t resist to tease. “Are you trying to get to know me?”

“Yes,” Tanya said simply. “I am.”

“Well, in that case, the answer’s no. There’s not anyone you should be jealous of.” I tried not to shake my head. Tanya Goldstein being jealous. That was...

“You’re sure? We ran into an ex-girlfriend of yours.”

“Lily,” I nodded. “Yeah.”

“How long were you and she together?” Tanya asked. 

“Three years. And then she left me for someone else, yeah.”

“I’m sorry,” Tanya said. 

“Not your fault,” I half-snorted. “And it’s in the past. This is now.” I nuzzled my cheek against her flannel covered shoulder. 

“Are you aiming for drooling all over your own shirt?” Tanya asked, but there wasn’t much bite to the words. 

“How dare you. I’m actually trying to be cute with you here!”

“Oh. That’s what you’re trying. Interesting.”

It was said in a joking manner, but I bit the inside of my cheek because I had a hunch that not many people had tried to be “cute” with Tanya before. At least not like this. 

“I’m really in a very bad mood,” Tanya said dully and frowned. She was looking at the ceiling again. “How very annoying. Maybe I should have stayed at the hotel instead.”

“No, you shouldn’t. I’m glad you’re here.” 

She scoffed. “I’m not doing you much good when I’m like this.”

“Maybe I could do you some good?” I suggested. 

“Oh?” she turned her head and looked at me again. “And what does that mean exactly, Mara?”

“Well...” I pecked her cheek lightly. “I could show you. If you’re interested, that is...”

Tanya snorted slightly. “If I’m interested... Funny. Real funny.”

“Soooo, does that mean that you are?” I teased. 

She raised a well-sculped eyebrow. “Haven’t we already scared your roommate enough?”

“Angie’s a big girl. And she’s probably watching something with her headphones on anyway,” I said with a light shrug and put my hand on Tanya’s thigh again. A couple of inches more and I would touch   
her bare skin and not the nightshirt. 

“You’re horny,” she accused with a chuckle. 

I didn’t deny that, but I still chose the cute approach. “You’ve had a shitty day-“

“That’s to put it lightly.”

“-And I wanna help you relax,” I continued. “I’m your girlfriend, remember? That’s the thing a girlfriend is supposed to do...”

“Is it indeed?” Tanya was amused again. 

“Mmm. It is,” I assured her as I let my fingers creep up under her nightshirt. 

She swallowed audibly at that. “Well, I suppose I could be interested, miss Swanson.”

“Yeah? You think so?” I teased as I slowly began lifting the hem of her nightshirt. 

“Kiss me,” she demanded almost gruffly, and I had absolutely no problem with meeting that demand. I slotted our lips together and let my hand venture further up her thigh. She moaned at that, and I   
suspected that she really fucking needed this. I chuckled a bit against her lips when I realized something. We’d had dinner together. And now she was spending the night here. Exactly like we had planned.   
It seemed like forever since we had made those plans, and this was a very alternate version of the original plans, but still. We were sticking to our plans. That made me giddy. 

Tanya broke the kiss and whispered in my ear: “I’m not wearing any underwear.”

“You’re kidding me!” I hissed as I moved my hand up higher. But she wasn’t. She was absolutely bare underneath the nightshirt. No panties. Just warmth and a hint of growing wetness. 

“Is this a thing you do on a regular basis?” I groaned. 

“I don’t like panty lines,” she said simply. 

“You are...” instead of finishing the sentence, I crashed our mouths together in another bruising kiss that had us both moaning. I silently send an apologetic thought to Angie. It would appear that I very much would be breaking my promise to her tonight, but what the hell. I couldn’t count the times I had overheard her and Cooper at it. Now it was my turn. I rugged up her nightshirt, then loosened my   
grip on it and fumbled so I could unbutton that fucking shirt. I wanted to see her, damnit! Yeah, I might have seen her last night, but I hadn’t had enough, and I doubted that I ever would have.

Tanya chuckled against my lips as I finally managed to open the first button. She pushed my clumsy but well-meaning hands away and opened the rest of the buttons herself. Then she grabbed my hands and placed them on her bare breasts. I moaned into her mouth and gave her nipples a light tweak.

Tanya whimpered at that, and god, the sound made the blood roll quicker in my veins! She pushed my right hand away from her breast and guided it in between her thighs. Her mouth was close to my ear again when she hissed: “fuck me, Ma-ra!”

I had every intention of doing so. But first, I peeled the nightshirt off of her so I could appreciate the sight of her naked body. She wiggled and complained until I slipped my hand back between her thighs and began to slowly circle her clit. Tanya’s head lolled back, and I heard her breathe a sigh of relief as her hands fisted my shirt. For a moment I was sure she was gonna rip it.

“Mara!” she hissed and squeezed her eyes shut. 

“Tanya,” I parroted. I was the one pleasuring her, and yet I was still the one to say her name like it was a prayer.

“Don’t stop.” Now her voice was low and raspy and barely more than I whisper. 

“Not gonna,” I assured her and gulped when I felt her getting wetter and wetter.

“M-more,” she moaned. “I want your fingers inside me!”

“Already?” I half-snickered as I nibbled at that soft spot on her neck. 

“Mara!” she hissed. “Now!”

“Alright, Goldstein. No reason to give orders,” I said and didn’t even tease that much. I was so much more interested in doing what she asked. I slipped my fingers lower and pressed the tips lightly against her entrance. She moaned again, and I slipped my fingers inside her. She was already soaked, and her moan went from desperate to deep and throaty. I moaned too as I felt how her pussy gripped my fingers and sucked them in deeper. Oh yes, she needed this very much!

“Oh god, Mara!” she moaned as her eyes snapped open once more.

“That feels good?” I murmured and angled my fingers so I could rub my thumb over her clit. 

“Fuck!” she yelped, and her hips started rocking. She was shamelessly grinding herself against my fingers. 

“You are so fucking gorgeous!” I told her as I made sure to set a deep, slow pace. I had a feeling she didn’t need hard and fast tonight. And I was right. She moaned in a deeply satisfied manner and then   
she was lifting her hands so she could undo the buttons in my shirt. Our eyes met, and she smiled at me. Smiled. And fuck, it was one of the most beautiful sights I had ever seen. It was perfect. She was perfect.


	28. Lets get this show running

I shifted impatiently on the chair and stretched my neck. I knew I looked like some sort of ridiculous giraffe, but I was trying to keep an eye on the door to Ingrid’s office. I felt unsettled this morning. And for two reasons. One: Tanya was back at the apartment. Getting out of bed and getting ready for work this morning had been agonizing. She had been absolutely delicious as she lied there in my bed. 

Naked and with tousled hair and not interested in getting up yet. She claimed that she was having a mini vacation, and she would personally kill me if I disturbed her slumber. Then she’d turned around and tugged the covers over her head. I had more or less forced myself to head into the kitchen and have breakfast. Angie had been up, and she had scowled at me whilst muttering something about how I had broken my promise. I knew I had, and I didn’t care. Last night had been amazing. Tanya and I had stayed up until very late, and Angie had probably taken off her headphones at some point. Oops. 

Yes, that was one of the two reasons why I was jittery this morning. I wanted to get home to Tanya. And the second reason for my jittery behavior was that I knew that Tanya would be calling Juicy Bits and arrange an interview right around now. She was getting the show running, and soon she and I would go public. Everyone would know who I was, and that was daunting. But there was one more thing I needed to do except for revealing that I was Tanya’s girlfriend. One, teeny, tiny thing. Tell Ingrid the truth beforehand. That was a decision Tanya and I had reached sometimes last night when both of us had been too spent to do anymore, but too full of adrenaline to sleep. Ingrid was my boss and I wanted to be straight with her. No pun intended. I wanted her to know the truth beforehand. I was an employee at this magazine, and I knew that suddenly being featured as news stuff in the magazine you worked for, was unorthodox at best. I found it best to inform her of what was going on. I would tell her everything, so she understood why I suddenly would be a part of the interview with Tanya. The scandalous leak of that fucking audio file. Tanya and mines suspicion that it was an inside job, and that we were trying to get the person behind it to reveal themselves. All of that would I explain to Ingrid as soon as she had talked to Tanya, and fuck, I was nervous. So nervous my palms were sweaty. What if Ingrid didn’t understand? Or even worse, rejected to do the interview because of my involvement. 

I looked at my laptop screen. I was supposed to work, but in reality, I was looking at Tanya’s Instagram. 80.000. That was how many comments the newest picture had gotten. Her Instagram was literally blowing up, and everyone wanted to know who “she” was. There were negative comments, yes, of course there was, but there were more positive ones that negative. Most of her fans were well, fangirling.   
Over my hand. That was something I had laughed about this morning, but right now I was far too nervous to laugh about anything.

Through the glass door, I saw Ingrid lean forward and grab her phone. My heart sped up. Was she talking to Tanya right now? Fuck, I was so nervous!

Thunk. A ball of squashed paper hit the back of my neck, and I turned my head and glared at Boris who looked exceptionally guilty. 

And he was. He snickered apologetically. “Sorry, Mara. You just looked like a giraffe, sitting like that.”

“And that’s enough reason for you to attack me?” I snipped and threw the paper ball right back at him. 

“Yes?” he said teasingly. 

“You’re an idiot!” I hissed with more bite than usually. The anxiety was making me snippy. 

“Easy, Rambo,” he chuckled. “Why are you perving on Ingrid?”

“I am not perving on Ingrid,” I said and repressed a shiver. The thought alone...

“Okay. Why are you staring at her then?”

“I’m not STARING at her either,” I denied even though I was totally staring at her. But I couldn’t explain that to Boris. I couldn’t tell him that I was waiting for the ‘go ahead’-signal. 

“Developed feelings for your boss?” Boris teased. "Sounds like a bad porn."

“You are so gross,” I said distractedly. I was busier paying attention to Ingrid and the way she was sitting leaned back in her office chair. Her legs were elegantly crossed, and I could tell from her body   
language that she was talking to a VIP. Ingrid always put on this big, fake toothpaste smile whenever she was talking to a celebrity. Was it Tanya? It could be. Ingrid looked like a cat who’d just found a large bowl of cream. This could very well be a Tanya conversation. My stomach tied in knots.

“’If only she’d notice me’,” Boris teased. “My boss is just so-“

“Be. Quiet.” Damn, I was not doing a very good job at being subtle. I reminded myself to breathe. And stop watching Ingrid’s office like a hawk. I was supposed to be discreet and not draw attention to myself until the article was published. I turned my attention back to the laptop in front of me and pretended to write on the article I had been assigned this morning. But I wasn’t doing a very good job at that either. I didn’t have the faintest idea what I was even writing about. God, how was Ingrid gonna react when I told her? Maybe she would be pissed. She could be. She was good at being pissed. 

As on instinct, I looked up just in time to see Ingrid put her phone down on the table and stand from her over expensive office chair. My heart started thrumming in my chest again, and I was unable to look away from my boss as she swanned around in her office and then headed towards the door. 

“The dragon is emerging from her lair,” Boris reported. “I wonder why? Did anyone fuck up?” 

His question made several heads snap up. Melanie looked nervous, Jackie indifferent and Leo just generally confused. 

“Did anyone steal a pencil from her or something like that?” Boris half-whispered. 

Everyone muttered no. I tried not to make direct accidental eye contact with my boss as she stepped out of her office and came into the circular room that was our office. 

“I have an announcement,” she said with no further ado. “So if I could have everyone’s attention for a moment.”

She didn’t have to ask twice. Everyone immediately looked up at her, but no one was quite brave enough to ask what was going on. 

“I’ve just been on the phone with Tanya Goldstein,” Ingrid said as though it was the most natural thing in the world. “Not her assistant or agent. But Tanya Goldstein herself.”

An excited mutter erupted, but it didn’t take long before Ingrid silenced the excited crowd by saying: “she wants to do another interview. A more...personal interview, shall we say. In light of what those... other magazines has been writing about her-“ Ingrid wrinkled her nose. “Miss Goldstein feels the need to tell her side of the story. The truth about that...audio file. To put it plainly, she wants to do a “tells it all” interview with us. And by the end of it, she’ll introduce her girlfriend to the public, and with the girlfriend’s accept, our photographer will take a few pictures of the happy couple.” 

Everyone started muttering again, and Leo Rossi eagerly said: “when does she want to do the interview then?” 

“It was my impression that miss Goldstein would like to do the interview as soon as possible,” Ingrid replied and looked mildly disdained like she always did when someone was bold enough to ask her a question. “She and I agreed that it’ll take place in two days.”

“Two days?” Boris repeated and raised an eyebrow. “That’s a bit short notice-“

“Miss Goldstein is a busy woman, Boris,” Ingrid interrupted in a clipped tone. “She’s more than allowed to give short notices when it comes to interview. And especially an interview like this. It’ll be exclusive. The first rights will be Juicy Bits’. Miss Goldstein’s girlfriend has never been seen in public until now. This will be the story of the year. Now, miss Goldstein requested two reporters-“

“Two reporters?” Jackie repeated and scoffed. “Why would she-“

“Miss Lawson, what’s my number one rule?” Ingrid interrupted. 

“To never interrupt when you’re talking,” Jackie said sullenly and drew her lips into a thin line. 

“That’s correct,” Ingrid said tightly and glared at Jackie as she continued: “I did not ask for miss Goldstein’s reason to request two reporters, but I did tell her that I’d be more than willing to accommodate   
her wishes. Two reporters will be sent. You-“ she nodded towards Boris. “And you.” She nodded towards me. “Miss Goldstein requested that one of the reporters would be the same as the last time, and of course that won’t be a problem at all. So, Mara, Boris, Leo, I’ll suggest that you start prepping yourself for this. This will undoubtedly be the interview of the year, and I expect all three of you to do your very best. If you blow it, the consequences will be most severe.” Once done with her little speech, she turned around and marched back into her office. It could look like she was walking away angrily, but that was simply how Ingrid walked. Very intimidatingly. Very Miranda Priestly-like. 

“Holy crap,” Boris exclaimed as soon as the door had closed behind Ingrid. “A ‘tell it all’ interview with Tanya Goldstein! Her girlfriend is gonna be there! Can you believe that?!”

“And she chose Juicy Bits for this interview,” Leo said triumphantly. “If that won’t make Ingrid happy for the rest of the week at least, then I don’t know what will.”

“The rest of the week?” Boris scoffed. “Try the rest of the month, Leo!” he laughed and he and Leo high-fived. “Can you believe this, Mara? Mara?”

“Yep,” I said distractedly. I was watching Ingrid’s office to make sure she wasn’t on the phone again. She was looking through some paperwork. Now seemed like the perfect opportunity for me. 

“Aren’t we the fucking luckiest bastards ever?” Leo asked me. “We get to do a second interview with Tanya Goldstein! I get the chance to take more pictures of her! And who knows, maybe she’ll tag me again...”

“Yeah, maybe,” I said as I got up from my chair. “I’ll be back in two ticks.”

“Where are you going?” Boris asked. 

I didn’t answer. Instead I headed straight towards Ingrid’s office. 

“I don’t think now’s the time to ask for vacation!” Boris jokingly called after me. 

I didn’t even laugh at the lame joke. I was much too jittery for that, and my rapping at the glass door that shielded Ingrid’s office from the rest of us, sounded far too loud. I cringed. 

“Come,” came Ingrid’s usual, clipped answer. 

I pushed the door open and weaseled inside. I noted that my palms were sweaty as I closed the door behind me so Ingrid and I could talk in peace. 

“Yes, miss Swanson?” Ingrid said without looking up from the stack of papers. 

“Can I, uhm, can I talk to you for a second?” 

“Yes. But please come forward with your errand quickly, miss Swanson. We suddenly have a lot to do,” Ingrid said. Her gaze was still fixated on the paperwork. 

“I, uhmm,” I began, but when I tried to continue the sentence, no words came out of my mouth. Fucking unbelievably! I was supposed to say this to Ingrid, and I fucking couldn’t because my anxiety was   
getting the best of me. I silently cursed at myself. God damnit, pull yourself together, Swanson!

“Miss Swanson, I am a busy woman,” Ingrid said clipped. “If you have something to say, I suggest you say it right n-“

“It’s me,” it bursted out of me, and I immediately cringed because I was interrupting her.

“I beg your pardon?” Ingrid said icily. She really did dislike being interrupted. 

“The secret girlfriend Tanya is gonna introduce in the interview,” I rambled off. “It’s me. I’m the girlfriend.”

Ingrid looked poignantly at me, and for a second it looked like my boss, who I had never heard laugh, not even once, was about to do just that. But then she composed herself, and her tone was calm and professional as always when she said: “miss Swanson, have you lost your mind?”

“No, I haven’t,” I said and the way my voice rose an octave and became pitchy did nothing to back up my statement. I really did sound like I had lost my mind. “I know it sounds completely mad, but it’s true. If you don’t believe me, call Tanya and ask her.”

Ingrid looked at me for a long moment. Her face was expressionless. I had no idea what was going on inside her head. Maybe she was considering to call a doctor and have me committed. Or maybe she   
was considering to throw me ass first out of her office for wasting her time. She could very well do that, because what I was saying sounded like complete and utter nonsense. I shifted a bit and silently counted to ten. Maybe it really would become necessary to call Tanya and get her to confirm what I was saying. 

“Sit down, miss Swanson,” Ingrid said finally and nodded towards the chair.

I sat down. 

“Explain things to me,” my boss said plainly. “Quickly and without going into detail.”

And so I did. As quickly as I could, I explained how Tanya and I had started seeing each other after the interview. Not in details, god no, just the jest of it. Ingrid’s eyebrow was nearly disappearing into her hairline, and I couldn’t blame her. I sounded completely unprofessional. But I had to continue. Anger was seeping through my voice when I told about the leak of the audio file. How someone had hacked my phone to make it look like it was me who had done it in order to drive a wedge in between Tanya and me. 

“Tanya and I think-“ I fought the urge to shake my head. It still sounded too good to be true. ‘Tanya and I’.

“Yes?” Ingrid encouraged. “Go on, miss Swanson.”

“Tanya and I believe that it’s an insider job. That someone from her staff hacked my phone and sent the audio file to the magazines.”

Ingrid didn’t laugh or tell me that I was crazy. Instead she nodded a bit. “That would make sense. I have a hunch that audio file landed in my inbox before in any of the other magazines, and why on earth would you forward it to other magazines when you work here?”

“Exactly,” I said, relief seeping through my voice. Ingrid definitely wasn’t as bad as I had thought. 

“Please continue,” she said and leaned back on her chair. 

“We’re trying to bust whoever it is. Their main goal clearly was to break up me and Tanya, and so we’ve figured that if we were to appear in a magazine, you know, publicize our relationship, the person behind it is bound to react in some sort of way.”

“I see. So the interview is in fact a scam,” Ingrid said calmly.

“No,” I said quickly. “Not really. Tanya is... Well, as you can imagine, she’s not happy about what happened-“

“Of course not,” Ingrid interrupted. “She was outed. No one would be happy about that.”

“She wants to tell the truth,” I explained. “That audio file had been tampered with-“

“Obviously.”

“And she wants people to know the real story. That she’s not some-“ I let the unspoken words hand in the air and continued: “those magazines made it sound like she’s involved in some dramatic love triangle, and she wants the public to know that that’s not the case. I guess you could say that she wants to come out a second time. But this time, it’ll be the right way.”

“I understand,” Ingrid said, and right now she looked the most human I had ever seen her look. 

“I know it’s unorthodox for a magazine to make one of their own reporter news stuff,” I said. “But Tanya doesn’t really trust the other magazines. They haven’t.... They haven’t treated her well.”

“But we have,” Ingrid finished the sentence. “For once, I think we understand one another, miss Swanson. No, magazines don’t normally write about their own reporters, but given the situation, I think we’ll   
work around it.”

“Really?” it popped out of me. 

“Yes, indeed,” Ingrid nodded. “I appreciate you told me this beforehand, though.”

“I figured that would be best.”

“And right you are. Now run along, miss Swanson. You have an interview to prepare for. In many ways.” She turned her attention back to the stacks of papers in front of her, and I felt weak with relief as I got up from the chair and left my boss’ office once more. Yeah, Ingrid could be tough, but she really wasn’t that bad....

***********

“It’s only me!” I called when I stepped inside the apartment a little while later. 

A faint snort from the living room. “Who else would it be?” came Tanya’s sarcastic response. 

“The Easter bunny? Santa Clause?” I dryly suggested as I crouched down to take off my boots. 

“The Easter bunny has always creeped me out, and I don’t believe in Santa Clause,” Tanya drawled. 

“You don’t? Because your name always ends up on the naughty list?” I joked and chuckled to myself as I took off my jacket and rolled my shoulders slightly. 

Tanya’s laughter was dry and raspy like she had spent the past forty years with a cigarette between her lips. “I’ll give you naughty,” she muttered. 

“Was that a promise or a threat?” I asked as I shuffled into the living room on sock clad feet. Tanya was sitting on the couch. Her hair was wet and hanging loosely down her back where it had made a wet patch on her borrowed tanktop. I recognized it as one of the tanktops from the back of my closet. One of those I never really wore because the rosy color wasn’t quite up my street. But it looked good on Tanya. As did the yoga pants she was wearing. Those weren’t mine. Had she maybe brought them in that Mary Poppins bag of hers? 

Genevieve was lying curled up next to her, and Tanya raised an eyebrow as she looked up at me. “She’s leaving hairs all over. I promise I’ll vacuum later or something.”

I snickered. “I’m sure we can survive a few cat hairs. We’re not allergic.”

“Good.”

“You look nice,” I told her. 

Tanya snorted and rolled her eyes. “Right.” her face was bared of any makeup, but in my opinion, that only made her look more beautiful. Her grey eyes almost looked luminescent.

“What, you do!” I said firmly. I fancied every version of Tanya. The “dolled up” version with makeup and movie star clothes and this slightly more casual one. 

“Whatever,” she rolled her eyes again. “So? How did it go with your boss?” 

“She’s in,” I grinned as I sat down next to her. Genevieve looked up at me and looked so disdainful as only a cat could, and I tried with a: “sorry, Gen.” 

“What did I tell you about calling her that?” Tanya said and glared a little bit at me. 

“It’s not my fault you gave her such a long name,” I teased as I ran a hand over Genevieve’s soft coat. “Hello there.”

Tanya scoffed. “Oh, so now you’re only saying hello to her?” 

“Want me to pet you too, Goldstein?” 

“Shut up and kiss me.”

For once, I had nothing against her commanding manner. I leaned in and kissed her lips. No scented lipgloss today, but she still tasted excellent. She always would no matter what. 

“That’s better,” Tanya said as I pulled back. “You’re learning fast.”

I rolled my eyes. “What am I? A dog you’re training?”

She laughed at that and then continued our conversation: “did you tell your boss everything? I'll have you know that she was very forthcoming to talk to.”

"I bet she was," I said and rolled my eyes. Then I confirmed: “ Yeah, I told her. I mean, not in explicit details-“

“God forbid it.”

“But I told her what’s going on,” I continued. “About the leak of those audio file and how we believe that it’s an inside job. And I told her that the interview is as attempt at making Fred expose himself.”

“And what did she say to that?” Tanya asked calmly. 

“She asked if the interview was a scam.”

Tanya lifted an eyebrow. “And you told her what?”

“That it isn’t. I told her that both of us were ready to go public with our relationship.”

“Good work,” Tanya said and repositioned herself, so her long legs were draped over my lap. 

“Thank you,” I snickered and gave her right ankle a soft little caress.

Tanya’s leg jerked. “Don’t do that.”

“Why not? Wait....You’re not ticklish, are you?”

“Do you want me to move my legs again?”

“No!” I said and pressed down on her legs to ensure she didn’t move them. 

“Now you’re just manhandling me,” she said dryly. 

“I’d never dream of it,” I assured and then looked around. “Are we home alone?” 

“Oh, right. Angie asked me to tell you that she’s staying at Cooper’s tonight,” Tanya said lazily. “For some reason, she seemed very eager to get out of here.” 

“I can’t imagine why,” I laughed. “Maybe we’ve been a bit too loud.”

Tanya shrugged. “I don’t do quiet. Unless I’m gagged.”

“Woah!” I laughed. “That was an exceptionally kinky comment, Goldstein.”

She just smiled lazily and teasingly at me. “In all seriousness, though. When all of this has blown over, we can stay at my place and give your poor roommate a break.” She shifted a bit with her legs still draped in my legs. “I can’t remember the last time I was actually home instead of staying at the hotel.” she rolled her eyes. “This is the last time I’m shooting at a hotel.”

I snickered and stretched my neck when I noticed something lying on the coffee table. It appeared to be a manuscript. I could see the title. “Heiress”. 

“You decided to do the movie?” I asked curiously. 

“Maybe,” Tanya said lightly and shrugged. “It’s a very good plot, and there’s some strong scenes that could be interesting to try, but it’ll also mean that I have to spend eight weeks in the southern England.”

“Oh,” I said and felt myself deflate slightly. “Well, if it’s good stuff, you should say yes.”

“We’ll see,” Tanya said lightly. “It’s not until next summer. Who knows, maybe you’ll fancy a trip to south England by then.”

I blinked. “M-me? You’d want me to come with you?”

“Duh.” Tanya rolled her eyes. “Why wouldn’t I? How am I supposed to pass the time in south England all by myself?” 

“Are you serious?” I asked. “Like, actually serious? You’d want me to come to England with you?” 

“Yes, Mara. Try and get that into your thick skull,” Tanya scoffed. “I value your company. A lot. And I’m clearly exceptionally bad at saying that if you-“

“You’re not,” I quickly interrupted. “I was just surprised.”

Tanya turned slightly so we were more face to face. “I want you to go where I go. If you want to, that is.”

My heart threatened to melt and become a pathetic little puddle in my chest. That was probably one of the sweetest thing she’d ever said to me. The sweetest thing anyone had ever said to me. But for some reason, the words rang familiarity in my mind, and I quickly searched my brain. A moment later I spluttered when I remembered where I had heard those words before. 

“You.... You just quoted Celeste Bellamy on me!” I accused and lifted a teasing finger to point at Tanya. 

“Busted,” Tanya chuckled. “But rest assure that I actually mean it this time. You have no idea how hard it was to shoot that line. I kept busting out laughing every time Alex and I made eye contact. Our   
director was pretty sick of us that day.”

I laughed and shook my head. “You are something else, Tanya Goldstein.” 

“Oh, I should hope so.”

“You just invited me to come to England with you for eight weeks!”

She shrugged. “Not terribly exotic, but I’ll let you know if I ever get offered to shoot a movie in Italy or something like that.”

“You’d ask me to come with you to those places too?”

“Obviously,” Tanya said with a slight shrug. 

“Obviously,” I echoed and tried not to sound too surprised. I clearly had a lot to learn about what “obviously” was in Tanya’s world. 

“You’ll catch flies, Mara,” Tanya teased, and I hastily closed my mouth again. Scowling slightly at her, I asked: “what are you gonna wear for the interview?”

“I don’t know,” she said and raised an eyebrow. “That interview is in two days.” 

“Exactly,” I nodded. “Shouldn’t you know these things 48 hours before?”

Tanya laughed. “I’ll have Beth pick out something nice for me. Don’t worry. I won’t make you embarrassed.” 

I scoffed. “Not exactly what I meant.”

“What did you mean then?” Tanya teased. 

“Y’know...” I flailed my hands in the air. “Should I wear something specific? Something that match whatever you decide to wear?”

“The last time I checked, you were an individual human being and not my accessory,” Tanya said flatly. “Wear whatever you want.” 

I was not satisfied with that. “Dress or pants?” 

“Doesn’t matter.”

“What do you mean it doesn’t matter,” I shrieked. “Of course it matters! I want to look nice!”

“Your voice is going pitchy,” Tanya observed. “Interesting. I didn’t know you could do that.”

I cleared my throat. I could hear the pitchy-ness in my voice perfectly. “All I’m saying, is that I want to look like someone who actually belongs next to you, and not someone who accidentally photobombed you.”

Tanya’s voice was soft when she said: “Mara, you’ll look perfect no matter what the hell you chose to wear. It’s not your clothes that matters. It’s YOU.”

My insides threatened to melt, and I puffed out the breath I had been holding. “Okay. Okay. I hear what you’re saying.” 

“Good,” Tanya said. She chuckled. “Don’t worry, you won’t embarrass me. You never could.” 

“No, but I could embarrass myself,” I muttered. “Like I did during our second interview.”

Tanya’s nose scrunched up in confusion. “Refresh my memory.”

“I asked what your favorite position was.”

“Oh right,” Tanya laughed again. “So you did. That was fun.”

“Says you. I could have curled up and died.” 

She scoffed. “Oh, don’t be so dramatic.”

I shook my head in mock despair. 

“Makes me curious, though,” Tanya mused and gave my stomach a nudge with her foot. 

“About what?” I asked and pushed her foot away. “You’re squashing me.”

She ignored it and did it again. Her grey eyes sparkled with mischief as she asked: “What’s yours?”

“My what?” I asked and raised an eyebrow.

“Your....favorite position,” she drawled and licked her lips. “Have we already tried it, or should I keep looking?”

“Keep looking,” I said and tried to keep my blush at bay. There was nothing to blush about, for fucks sake!

“Oh?” now she was the one to raise an eyebrow. “Interesting. Do I get a hint?”

“Nope, sorry. Can’t help you,” I teased. It felt good to be the one with the “upper hand” for once. 

“Well, that’s very frustrating,” she said plainly.

I laughed as I gave her foot a squeeze. “I’m sure you’ll find it along the way. In fact, I’m very confident you will.”

“Was that a challenge?” she smirked. 

“Mmm, might have been.”

“Well, in that case...” she lazily reached out and gave the button in my shirt a teasing tug. “Challenge accepted, miss Swanson. Makes one wish that it’ll take at least a few days before Fred exposes himself.   
I need time with you in my room.”

I laughed loudly and shook my head. What she was saying was absurd, but also incredibly delicious....


	29. Public

“Urgh.” What was it about mornings? Why did they have to be so... early? It really wasn’t fair. 

I blinked my eyes open, but I still couldn’t see much. And for the simple reason which was that Tanya’s hair was obstructing my view. Once again, I had woken up with her hair in my face, and once again, I couldn’t have been happier about it. But unfortunately, we couldn’t stay in bed today. I gave her a little nudge. “Tanya?”

No reaction. 

I gave her another nudge. “Tanya?”

Nothing. 

Okay then. Another nudge. “Taaaan-yaaaaa?”

Zilch. 

“Tan? Tanya? Tammie?”

Still nothing. Was she dead, or what? I sincerely hoped not. I wiggled closer and did something ballsy. Bit her shoulder very, very lightly. 

“Ugh,” Tanya muttered into the pillow and her voice was muffled when she asked: “Did you just bite me?!”

“No. Absolutely not. You must be dreaming.”

She scoffed slightly. “My dreams don’t normally involve you biting me, Swanson.”

“No? What DO they involve, then?”

“Wouldn’t you like to know...” she rasped as she lifted her head from the pillow. “What time is it?”

“Seven.”

She groaned rather theatrically. “Why do I do this to myself?”

“Good question,” I yawned. “I vote we sleep in tomorrow.”

“Sounds good to me,” Tanya said and groaned again as she rolled onto her back. “How the fuck am I supposed to get ready for the interview?”

“How am I?” I shot back. “I’m so nervous I could puke all over...”

Tanya wrinkled her nose. “That is the most disgusting thing I’ve heard all morning. Thanks for nothing.”

“You’re welcome, Goldstein,” I laughed and gave her a nudge. 

“Don’t shove me,” she warned as she sat up in bed and rubbed her eyes. Her hair was a bird’s nest, but she still managed to look absolutely gorgeous. Obviously. Annoyingly. 

I sat up too and rubbed my face tiredly. “Do I have sleeping marks on my face?”

Tanya chuckled a bit as she looked at me. “No. You look great.”

I snorted. “Yeah, right. I probably look like shit.”

Tanya flashed a little smile. “If you look like shit, I look worse.”

I practically scoffed. “Are you fucking kidding me?” 

“No,” Tanya said lightly. “My hair’s a mess. I can feel it. Good thing I’ll be putting on a wig in a moment.”

“A pity all of us don’t have that luxury,” I joked as I ran my fingers through my own messy locks. “Okay, we better get a move on.” I had to get to work, and Tanya had to get back to the hotel “to get dressed and done up for the interview” as she put it. She figured it would be less suspicious if she got changed at the hotel instead of having Beth bringing a dress over. And she was probably right about that. 

We got out of bed, and before I could as much as blink, Tanya had snatched my blue bathrobe and shrugged it on. 

“That’s not yours,” I teased her as I reached within the closet and grabbed the pair of shorts and a t-shirt, I sometimes slept in. I couldn’t very well wander into the kitchen in only my panties. That would probably scare Angie. 

Tanya scoffed. “Neither is my purple shirt and yet you still have it. I’m gonna take a shower.” she headed towards the door and would have disappeared into the hallway if I hadn’t stopped her with a: “wait!   
You have to help me!”

Tanya stopped and turned her head. “Is this about the clothes thing again?”

“Yes!” I screeched. “It is about the clothes thing again! I’m not... I’m not used to being the one in front of the camera, I don’t know how to-“

“Mara,” Tanya interrupted gently yet firmly. “Just open your closet and let me see what you have, alright?”

“Alright,” I muttered as I opened my closet for her. “We should have done this last night!”

“I agree. But then you took off your clothes and I got distracted,” Tanya said simply. 

Despite my slightly desperate state, I still chuckled. “Good thing Angie wasn’t home.”

“Indeed, but I think I heard the people living upstairs at some point,” Tanya said as she grabbed a pair of black dress pants and unfolded them. “These are nice.”

I got distracted from my clothing-crisis for a second. “You heard Mr. and Mrs. Smith?”

Tanya’s eyebrow rose. “That’s their names? Seriously?”

“No, but we don’t know their actual names. Just that they have really loud sex every Wednesday night.”

Tanya smirked. “Well. I think we outnumbered them last night. You should wear these pants. They look very professional. And I have a feeling they’ll make your ass look great too.”

I laughed as I took the pants from her. “We have a winner then.”

“And this is nice too,” Tanya continued as she grabbed a black blazer that just so happened to match the pants.”

“Great,” I said briskly and peered into the closet. I found a powder blue blouse and hauled it out of the closet. “How about this one?” 

“Perfect,” Tanya chuckled. “How am I supposed to keep my hands off you?”

I laughed at the bad joke and then asked her: “what are you gonna wear?”

Tanya smirked. “Wouldn’t you like to know, miss Swanson.”

“Hey, that’s not fair!” I protested. “You know what I’m gonna wear!”

“Hardly my fault you asked for my advice, is it?” she teased as she grabbed the yoga pants and tanktop she had been wearing last night. “I’m gonna take a shower. But don’t worry, I’ll hurry. See you in a   
moment.”

I gnashed my teeth as I watched her saunter out of the room. Sometimes she was just so.... deliciously annoying. I shook my head and rolled my eyes. Great, now I couldn’t even be pissed at her. Was I already that whipped? 

Yes. I probably was. But that wasn’t something I had to tell Tanya. I chuckled. I still wasn’t over the way she had told me she was in love with me. The way it simply had slipped out of her. So accidental and yet so perfect. 

I blinked upon realizing that I was getting lost in my own head again. I had to get a move on. I had to get ready. Have breakfast and all that. I shook my head as though to snap out of it and then I headed into the kitchen. 

“Morning,” Angie greeted from her place at the kitchen table. 

“Good morning,” I said and tried to suffocate a yawn. 

“Slept well?” Angie asked and waggled an eyebrow at me. 

Ignoring her tone, I simply said: “yep. You want some coffee?” 

“There isn’t any more left.”

I made a face. “Seriously?”

“Yep. And it’s your fault. You were the one who was supposed to buy it.”

“Shit, I was?”

“Oh yeah.”

“Fuck. I’m sorry, I must have been-“

“Too busy with Tanya?” Angie slyly suggested.

“Err...” I scratched the back of my neck. “Yeah. Something like that.”

Angie cackled. “I’m just glad I wasn’t here last night.”

“Me, too,” I said simply and grimaced. No coffee. Did that mean I was supposed to drink tea or what? Urgh. I definitely did not feel very enthusiastic about it, but it would appear that I didn’t have any other choice. I put the kettle on and did what I only ever did when I was sick. Made tea. God damnit. 

“So?” Angie asked between mouthfuls of toast. “Nervous about today?”

“Yeah, I am,” I nodded. “I mean, suddenly stepping out of the interview and confessing to being Tanya’s secret girlfriend? That’s gonna be scary as hell. I can’t even imagine how Boris and Leo will react.”

“They’ll get the surprise of a lifetime,” Angie snickered. 

“Oh yeah,” I agreed as I stared miserably at the boiling kettle. Was I really supposed to drink tea this morning? Eww. Not a bad word about tea, but still, not my favorite kind of beverage. “Maybe they’ll think I’ve gone mad or something like that...”

“And haven’t you?” Tanya interrupted as she came into the kitchen, wearing the yoga pants and tanktop and with the brown wig in place. 

“Rude,” I said, and mock threatened her with a wet dishtowel. But before I could get the chance to actually smack her with it, the kettle started to whistle, and I had to take care of it. 

“Are you making tea?” Tanya asked and raised an eyebrow. “I didn’t know you were so posh, Swanson.” 

I chuckled dryly. “I’m not, but we’re out of coffee.”

“Oh. And here I was, thinking that you were rehearsing for England.”

“England?” Angie echoed. “What about England?”

“I might be going to south England for eight weeks to shoot a movie, and I’ve asked Mara if she wants to come with me,” Tanya said lightly.

“Seriously?” Angie asked and looked at me. “You’re going to say yes, right?” 

“Your roommate thinks it’s a good idea,” Tanya laughed but then assured: “it’s totally your choice. And you have plenty of time to decide. Maybe it won’t even be necessary. I might not even do the movie.”

“You said the plot was interesting,” I reminded her. 

“Yes, well, I’m sure there will be other movies with interesting plots,” she said lightly. 

I tilted my head. “Are you considering to stay home because of me?”

“Yes, of course I am,” Tanya said plainly. “Maintaining my relationship seems much more important than shooting a movie.”

“Tanya, I won’t stop you if this is something you want to do,” I insisted.

“You’re not,” she chuckled. “I’m perfectly capable of deciding what I want and don’t want. And I happen to want you.”

“Aww,” Angie cooed, and I flashed her a deadly glare.

“Shut it,” I said good-naturedly. I couldn’t even muster a proper bite. 

Tanya stretched her arms above her head and grimaced when her back cracked loudly. “Ouch.”

“Careful with that,” I said and frowned. “That definitely did not sound healthy.” 

“I’m pretty sure it wasn’t,” Tanya half-chuckled. “I’ll have to pay a visit to my chiropractor soon.” 

“Or maybe just let Mara give you a back massage,” Angie innocently suggested. 

I glared at her, but Tanya seemed intrigued as she raised an eyebrow. “Now there’s an idea.”

“I’m full of them,” Angie assured with a grin. 

“Be. Quiet,” I hissed. 

Tanya chuckled again and grabbed her phone from the table. “I wish I could stick around, but unfortunately I can’t. Not this morning. I have to get back to the hotel and get ready for the interview. And judging by how tired I look, my makeup artist will be busy. Which means so will I. I’ll just have a cup of tea and then I’ll be off.” 

“What about breakfast?” I asked as she reached across me to grab a cup from the cupboard. 

“I’ll have breakfast at the hotel,” Tanya promised with a slight chuckle. “And hopefully I can have a nap while Izzy is fixing my makeup.” 

“Getting someone to put on your makeup,” Angie said yearningly. “That must be so amazing!” 

Tanya snorted a bit as she poured herself a cup of tea. “I assure you, it’s not as glamorous as it sounds. Having someone poking and prodding you in the face, sometimes it’s just... anyway, I shouldn’t   
complain. Izzy is very good at making me look like I’m not half asleep.” 

Angie chuckled at that. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen you look half-asleep.”

“Thank you,” Tanya smiled. “That’s very nice of you.”

“You’re welcome,” Angie said, and I could just tell that she was starstruck again. I wondered if that would ever stop, and I just as quickly deduced that it probably wouldn’t. Because Angie wasn’t the only one. It was pretty impossible not to get starstruck when being near Tanya. 

“This is not bad,” Tanya said as she sipped her tea. “Not bad at all.”

I wrinkled my nose. “Seriously?” 

“Seriously,” she laughed. 

“Oh. Well, I suppose I gotta learn to love it. I mean, in case I end up taking a trip to the southern England at some point...” I said softly. 

She flashed me a beaming smile at that. “We’ll have to talk more about that at some point.”

“Definitely,” I agreed. 

She downed the rest of her tea and made a little bit of a grimace. “Urgh, I really gotta go now. Otherwise I won’t have time to get ready for the interview.” She sat the cup down and flashed Angie a smile.   
“Bye. I’m sure I’ll see you around.” 

“Yeah, I have a feeling you will,” Angie chuckled. 

“And I’ll see you....” Tanya turned to me and put her hands on my hips. “Later.” 

“You will,” I confirmed and wished that I had been aware enough to come up with some smartass answer. But I couldn’t think when she was standing so close to me. It was impossible. 

“Try not to be too nervous,” she said, suddenly adopting a much softer tone. “You’ll be great.”

I nodded wordlessly, and she kissed me. Just like that, but still more “modestly” than she normally would. Good thing. Poor Angie deserved a break. The kiss didn’t last long either. After approximately five seconds, Tanya pulled back and looked around. “Now where’s my cat? Genevieve? Here, kitty, kitty, kitty!”

I laughed. Because it sounded funny, and because I had completely forgotten that Genevieve was here. But Genevieve hadn’t forgotten about us. When Tanya called, the white Maine Coon came prancing into the kitchen, tail dancing dangerously in the air. She was obviously dissatisfied with something. 

But Tanya paid no mind to that as she lifted the cat and said: “say goodbye to Mara, Genevieve.” 

Genevieve hissed quietly at me when I outstretched my hand. 

Angie chuckled and Tanya raised an eyebrow as she looked at the naughty cat in her arms. “Rude,” she told her. “Mara’s gonna be around for long, so I suggest you be a big girl about instead of hissing. We do not show our claws unless we really need to. First lesson in show business.”

Angie laughed again, and Tanya gave up on scolding her insolent cat. “Anyway. Mara, I’ll see you soon.” She looked at the cat in her arms again. “And guess who won’t be a part of the interview now.” with that she turned around and sauntered towards the door with Genevieve half hanging over her shoulder. Oddly enough that didn’t seem to tick off the cat. 

Angie chuckled again when we heard Tanya greet one of our neighbors in the hallway. Her voice was completely different. Higher and with a slight “country” edge instead of that low, raspy “Lauren Baccall”-voice I was so used to. 

“She is something,” Angie said amusedly. 

“Yep,” I said plainly and utterly in love. 

“Are you gonna go to England with her?” Angie asked. 

“I... I don’t know,” I wavered. 

“You want to,” my roommate smartly observed. 

I didn’t object. Because truthfully, yes, I did want to go to England with Tanya, but I still suffered under that little annoying voice that kept whispering to me that this was too good to be true. That it couldn’t be real. That she couldn’t be real. If I hadn’t heard it out of her own mouth, I wouldn’t have believed that she really was in love with me. But...she was. And it made my heart flutter in my chest. 

Yes, I wanted to go to England with her. I wanted to be around her all the time. Just seeing her leave a second ago had hurt me just a little bit-

“Hello!”

“Jesus!” I yelped when Angie snapped her fingers closely to my face. “Don’t do that!”

“Sorry.” She didn’t seem sorry. “But I think it would be a good idea to get a move on! You have an interview, remember? And you haven’t had any breakfast or gotten dressed yet-“

“Message received and understood!” I hastily interrupted and pretty much threw myself in front of her to grab some food out of the fridge. She was right. Today was the one day where I really, really couldn’t be late......

**************

“Swanson!” Boris exclaimed when I stepped into Juicy Bits’ headquarter. “You look fucking sharp!”

“Thanks,” I chuckled and brushed imaginary dust away from the shoulder of my blazer. 

“What’s the occasion?” Leo teased as he came over to us. 

“Funny. I obviously wanted to look good for this interview,” I scoffed and discreetly wiped my sweaty palms on the back of my black dress pants. I was already sweating, and I was terrified that it would be noticeable on my nice, powder blue blouse that Tanya so carefully had picked out. 

“You look great,” Leo said and flashed me a smile.

“No reason to sound so surprised,” I half-teased as I glanced at my co-workers. I wasn’t the only one who had made an effort. Boris was wearing one of his nicest button ups, and Leo’s hair had been slicked back. I grinned. “Don’t you two look nice,” I said as though they were a couple of kids and I was their proud mother. 

“Why thank you,” Boris said and straightened his posture. 

“Seemed like a good day to whip out the gel,” Leo added with a grin. “It’s not everyday you get to do a second interview with Tanya Goldstein.”

“And meet her secret girlfriend!” Boris said. “Leo and I got a little bet going on.”

I raised an eyebrow. “About what?”

“The girlfriend of course,” he continued and rolled his eyes like I was dumb. “About who she is.”

“Oh.” I swallowed back a grin. This was interesting. “And who do you think it is then?” 

“My money’s on Mercy Kingston,” Leo said and smiled like a man who knew he was right. 

“Mercy Kingston, huh,” I repeated. Yep, I sure knew who Mercy Kingston was. Everyone did. She was playing Josephine Donahue, Celeste’s best friend on “Love Me Not”, and she was doing a spectacular job, though not lighting up the screen in the same was as Tanya did. Mercy Kingston was good looking. Had skin like golden caramel, deep brown eyes and a smile that seemed to stretch from ear to ear.   
And I had never picked up on any chemistry between her and Tanya. She rarely spoke of Mercy, and it was actually my impression that she didn’t like Mercy all that much, and I wondered where Leo had gotten the idea from. 

“Interesting,” I said with a slight nod. “And what about you, Boris? Who are you betting on?”

“I say it’s someone unknown,” he said. “Someone the magazines has never written about. Someone who’s not in the acting business. She has an ordinary job or something.”

“Or could be a childhood friend,” Leo suggested. “If it has to be, I mean. I still say it’s Mercy Kingston.”

Boris scoffed. “Not buying it.”

Leo rolled his eyes. “How can you not? They look great together. And imagine the headlines if it really is her!”

I seriously had to compose myself not to giggle. God, what would they say when the truth was revealed to them? They were gonna lose it, both of them!

“What about you, Mara? Who do you think it is?” Boris asked. 

“I’m buying everyone a round of beers if it’s Mercy Kingston!” Leo interrupted and everyone in the office whooped. 

I laughed. Oh boy, where they in for the surprise of a lifetime! All of them were. Well, except for Ingrid. I was glad I had told her the truth beforehand. This wasn’t exactly something that would happen   
again. I doubted that I would ever be in a situation where I would be interviewed by the magazine I was working for. I felt a flutter of anxiety and excitement in my stomach. After today, everyone would know who I was. My parents would freak out. The thought of that almost made me laugh. I could almost hear my mom screeching in my ear already. She would probably be a little pissy because I hadn’t told her, but I would explain everything to her. 

Ingrid came strutting out of her office, and everyone immediately shut up. 

“Is everyone ready?” she asked and looked at me and Boris and Leo. 

All three of us nodded. 

“Do you have all the questions ready?” she asked Boris. 

“Yes, Ingrid.”

“And remember... no prodding,” Ingrid sternly continued. “It’s up to miss Goldstein to decide when her partner will join her. Is that understood?” 

“Yes,” all three of us squeaked. 

“Excellent. And no mishaps this time. If I find out that you somehow got yourselves excluded from this interview, I’ll guarantee you there will be repercussions. Is that understood?”

“Yes, Ingrid,” all three of us said again, and I could feel a muscle in my jaw working upon remembering my first catastrophic attempt at interviewing Tanya. It actually felt like it had been ages ago. 

“Very well then,” Ingrid said smoothly. “I suggest you get ready then. Miss Goldstein is expecting us at ten sharp, and neither she nor I tolerate any delays. Chop-chop.”

She disappeared into her office again, and Leo, Boris and myself immediately began scrambling to get our things and grab our coats. 

“Good luck!” Melanie called after us. “You’ll do great!”

“Yes, break a leg,” Jackie chirped in and grinned at me. “Try not to get yourself kicked out this time!”

“I guarantee you, that’s not gonna happen,” I said firmly. “Not this time.” Not ever. 

“Yes, let’s roll guys,” Boris said as he shrugged his coat on and grabbed the bag that contained all his gear like iPad, etc. He looked a bit nervous to be honest. 

“We’ll nail this,” I assured him with a grin. “Remember you have me to supervise you through it all.”

Both him and Leo rolled his eyes, and it didn’t take long before Leo shot back: “yes, that’s all you’ll be doing. Sit in the corner and supervise and be bored...”

“While I make a kickass interview and Leo takes some knockout pictures,” Boris added teasingly and gave me a nudge. “You’ve had your moment. Now it’s our turn.”

I laughed. “Sure. I shan’t be bothering you.”

Both of my co-workers laughed, and we continued to bicker all the way out to the cars.

“We’ll take mine,” Boris said swiftly. “It looks best.”

“Well excuse you,” I huffed. “You’re gonna apologize to my car later!”

He ignored that an opened the doors to the passenger seat and backseat. “Get in losers. We’re doing an interview.”

Leo and I fought over who got to sit on the front seat, and I won. And I was triumphant as fuck and almost forgot to be nervous as Boris started the car and we drove towards the hotel...

***********

I felt this uncomfortable pulling sensation when we arrived at the hotel and one of the members of her security staff showed us inside the hotel. Not Fred. He wasn’t here. Maybe Tanya had given him the day off or something. I wondered what kind of excuse she had given him in order to get him to take the day off. 

“Please follow me,” the blonde security guard said. “Miss Goldstein has decided that the interview will take place in the hotel restaurant.”

My stomach curled even though it wasn’t supposed to. I couldn’t help it. I was on my way to see Tanya, and right now, my biggest concern was how the fuck I should stop myself from kissing her the   
moment I saw her. I suffocated a chuckle. That would definitely be one way to announce it. But definitely not the way we had agreed to make our relationship public. Ergo, I would have to stop myself from kissing her when I saw her. Shit, that was gonna be hard. 

We followed the security guard inside the elevator. She pushed a button and up we went. Towards the restaurant. Towards Tanya. Boris looked a bit nervous again, and I flashed him a smile and a thumbs   
up. 

Leo straightened his posture and gave his camera bag an extra pat for good measurements. I flashed him an absentminded smile. My thoughts were focused on Tanya again, but I didn’t care that I looked dopey. I was allowed to. Soon, very soon, I was gonna take her hand and tell the world that I was her girlfriend. That she was the girl I was in love with. Yeah, sure, we were trying to bust Fred’s sorry ass for this, but it was just as much about she and I showing the world how happy we were together. And that was fucking awesome.

After a moment, the elevator stopped, and all four of us headed out as soon as the door had slurped open. 

“Right this way,” ‘security guard’-lady said as she did this little motion with her hand. “Miss Goldstein is waiting for you.”

I had to suffocate another chuckle. Was she indeed? Could one actually believe that? I was pretty used to having to sit and wait, and I had a feeling that would be the case today as well. 

And I was right. When we arrived at the hotel restaurant, we were pointed to that leather couch which would have left my thighs all chafed if I had been wearing a skirt. Skirt. Shit. Maybe I should have worn a skirt instead of pants. 

“Sit down,” the blonde security guard said clipped. “It won’t be long.” With that she took off, and I silently wondered whether she was Fred’s twin sister or something. She was definitely just as stern. And she even walked in the same way I noted as I watched her walk away. Did Fred have a sister? Could be. I scoffed quietly to myself when I realized that it didn’t matter. As long as Fred wasn’t here, I was satisfied.

Boris busied himself with finding his iPad, so he was ready, and Leo looked around. “Do you think she’s getting her girlfriend?” he half-whispered.

Boris shrugged. I kept my mouth shut. 

“Maybe they’ll walk in together?” Leo suggested as he opened his bag and began to set up his camera gear. “It’ll definitely be Mercy Kingston. Might as well pay up, Boris!”

Boris scoffed and didn’t even look up from his iPad. “You are delusional, man.”

“I’m gonna take your iPad and throw it across the room,” Leo casually warned, and I swear to god, for a moment Boris looked genuinely alarmed. 

“Okay, could we focus here?” I begged. “I know I managed to get myself kicked out of here once, but that doesn’t mean we should end in that situation again, does it? We’re professional, remember?”

“Since when do you mind a bit of friendly competition, Swanson?” Boris teased and flashed me a huge grin. “You’ll get free beer no matter who wins!”

“We’re at work right now,” I said flatly. 

“Aww, Ingrid would be so proud if she could see you right now,” Leo immediately poked fun at me. 

“Damn right she would. And she would fire both of you for being hella unprofessional,” I said casually. 

That shut them up. Leo suddenly got very busy with setting up the camera equipment, and Boris bowed his head over his iPad. I saw his lips move and knew that he was silently repeating the questions to   
himself. Exactly like I had done before my first interview with Tanya. I had no problem with remembering how nervous I had been. I had sat right here on this leather couch and shifted nervously. And then Tanya had emerged. Her hair had been in a high ponytail, and she had been wearing a bodycon dress. What color had it been? Red? Black? My instinct was telling me red. The dress had been very striking, and I had been fucking intimidating. I smiled a little. That was before I realized that I had met her before in that taxi. God, what a way to meet! I had been so drunk that night. Drunk and stupid. And upset because of Lily. I hadn’t been able to stop thinking about her. Now it was Tanya I couldn’t stop thinking about. But not because we had broken up. Because I was so, so happy. It was a bit ridiculous, really. 

To imagine I didn’t like her when I first met her. That was hysterical. 

The sound of footsteps brought me out of my little daydream, and when I straightened my posture and looked up, I saw Tanya coming into the restaurant. And I struggled to keep my fucking jaw in place. 

She looked....God, she looked.... I didn’t have many words for it to be honest. She was wearing this sleeveless ice blue dress. The dress was almost shaped like a tube, had a slit up her left thigh and it looked to be incredibly tight. It hugged her body like a second skin and followed her curves flawlessly. Her platinum blonde hair hadn’t been swept back in a high ponytail this time. Instead her long locks where hanging in loose curls down her back. This was the one hundred and eighty degree opposite of what she had looked like when I saw her earlier this morning, and I was completely stunned. How was this kind of transformation even humanly possible? She had gone from being a cute but “average” brunette in yoga clothes, and now she looked like.... well, she looked like the star she was. I was sure my jaw was quivering. Or maybe my entire body was quivering. That was very possible too. 

And I might have been quelling a chuckle too. Now I understood why she had encouraged me to wear the powder blue blouse. It almost matched her dress. Good call.

“Miss Goldstein,” Boris said as he stood from the leather couch and stuck his hand out towards Tanya. 

“Mr. Anderson,” Tanya said and flashed him a smile as she shook his hand once. After a moment she released his hand again and turned to Leo. “Mr. Rossi, nice to see you again.” 

“Miss Goldstein,” Leo said and smiled as he shook her hand. 

Tanya released his hand and my belly did a somersault when she turned to me. “And miss Swanson,” she said with a slight drawl. “Our paths cross again.” 

“Miss Goldstein,” I said and acknowledged how fucking hard it was to keep up the façade as her fingers briefly closed around mine. Just touching her made me feel-

“Shall we sit?” Tanya interrupted my daydream. She released my hand and gestured towards the leather couch.

“Yes, lets,” Boris said and looked like he was trying to quell his anxiety again. 

All four of us sat down in the leather couch. Tanya was sitting across from us so there was a table between us, and I saw how she leaned forward slightly as she said: “now, before we start, can I offer anyone anything? Coffee? Water?” her gaze rested on me for a moment. “Tea?”

“No thank you, miss Goldstein.”

“Tanya,” she smilingly corrected Boris. “Tanya’s fine.”

“Tanya,” he parroted and looked like he was tasting a new dish.

She gave him her best Hollywood smile, and I felt utterly tempted to roll my eyes at her. She was putting on a show and having her fun, and I was willing to bet everything I owned she was doing it because   
I was there. I was definitely gonna get her for this later, I promised myself and licked my lips discreetly. 

“So, Tanya, firstly, on behalf of Juicy Bits, I’d like to thank you for choosing our magazine to tell your story,” Boris started the interview as Leo switched on the camera.

Tanya smiled. “No reason to thank me. As I told Ingrid when I spoke to her, I feel like Juicy Bits is the only magazine who really has told the world about Tanya the person and not just Tanya the actress. It’s a pleasure to work with professional people like you.”

Boris returned the smile but then adopted a more serious tone as he continued: “It’s been a couple of dramatic days.”

“It sure has,” Tanya agreed with a nod. “Sometimes we can’t control the things happening around us. Sometimes people do things to hurt us, and that was what happened to me when someone decided to leak a very personal conversation between myself and my partner.”

My partner. My heart began to flutter in my chest again. 

“It’s admirable that you chose to come forward,” Boris said. 

Tanya let out a soft laugh. “I’ve never been one for sweeping things under the rug, Mr. Anderson. If I am to come out in public, I might as well do it the right way.”

“The person responsible for this leak...” Boris said a bit cautiously. “Have you been able to find out who it is?” 

“My staff is currently dedicating their every moment to find out who outed me,” Tanya replied smoothly. 

Boris nodded and tapped on his iPad for a second. “So how are you feeling in light of all of this? I can’t imagine that it’s been easy.”

“You’re quite right, it hasn’t,” Tanya replied. “I’ve been struggling a lot with having this very personal information about me blasted out in the news. I have people in my life who aren’t very... accepting of my sexuality, shall we say, so being outed like this was a bit like having a bomb thrown at you.” She took a break so Boris could get the chance to write down her answer, and then she shifted a little, and I immediately wondered if the leather was chafing the back of her legs. 

Boris nodded and looked up to indicate that he was ready when she was. 

“But fortunately enough, I have support in my life as well,” Tanya continued and now a little smile was dancing on her lips. 

“Yes, your partner,” Boris said lightly. “What has this whole experience been like for her? I can’t imagine it has been easy.”

“Of course it hasn’t,” Tanya replied. “And obviously, she was both shocked and angry when she found out that parts of a private conversation between she and I had been leaked. Suddenly, everyone knew that she and I had been out to dinner and talked about certain things and just knowing that basically everyone has listened in on our private conversation has been enraging for both of us, but she’s been amazing. I have been struggling a lot because I unfortunately was brought up in a home where being anything but heterosexual was frowned upon, and I’m still affected by that, and perhaps I haven’t always been willing to stand by who and what I really am, but she is. She’s herself every single moment of the day, and I think that’s very inspiring. That’s the person I aspire to be, and I feel very lucky to have such a rock in my life.”

I breathed through my mouth and tried not to sniffle but damn, it was hard when she was sitting there and saying all these nice things about me.

“Sounds like you’ve found someone to hold on to,” Boris observed with a smile.

Tanya chuckled. “I certainly hope so.”

“How long has you and your girlfriend been together?” Boris asked while tapping on the iPad.

“Three and a half months,” Tanya said and pushed a lock of hair behind her ear. “So it hasn’t actually been that long.”

“It sounds like the two of you are very close already though,” Boris prodded in a very reporter-like fashion. 

“Well yes, I think we are,” Tanya nodded. She was still playing with her hair, and I flashed her a discreet and encouraging smile. She had no reason to sound doubtful. “My girlfriend and I were getting to know each other and moving towards something more solid when that audio file suddenly was leaked,” Tanya continued. “I knew that I had two options when it happened. Either I made an official statement in which I denied everything. Told that the audio file was fake and that I would be suing the magazines, or I could stop hiding who I am. So that’s what I chose. I chose her.”

“Do you think you would have come out if it hadn’t been for your girlfriend?” Boris asked. 

“Honestly? No,” she said and pushed her hair away from her face. “I don’t I would have been brave enough if it hadn’t been for her. When you’re in the acting business, you automatically build a façade for the world to see. She pushed me- well, in her own sweet way- to just be myself. None of this would have been possible without her. I admire her so much for doing this with me. Coming out to the public. That’s a huge step.”

“Are you worried about how she’ll handle the commotion this interview will bring with it?” Boris asked. 

“No,” Tanya said very convinced. “No, I know she’ll be amazing. I’m more concerned about how the public will treat her.” she chuckled. “Luckily, she’s street smart and know how to handle reporters, but if   
I had it my way, I would send an official statement round to every magazine and ask them to treat her with respect.”

I had to quell another chuckle.

Boris smiled. “You said she knows how to handle the reporters, is there any chance she’s an actress herself?”

Tanya laughed huskily. “She’s not an actress, no. But she’s very experienced when it comes to reporters.” She shifted a bit on the leather sofa. “Is there any chance we can cut here? My throat is getting a little dry.”

“Of course,” Boris said and signalized to Leo to get him to pause the recording. “We’ll take a break, miss Goldstein.”

“Tanya,” Tanya corrected as she stood from the leather sofa. “I’ll go out and see if I can find a glass of water. Can I get you anything?”

“I’d like a glass of water, please,” Leo said, and I couldn’t blame him. It was warm in here. 

“Me too,” I hastily chirped in, immediately seeing an opportunity and grab it with both hands. 

“In that case you’ll have to come along and help me carry,” Tanya said neutrally. “I only have two hands.”

“Sure thing,” I said briskly as I too stood from the leather couch and walked over to her. 

“We’ll be right back,” Tanya assured with another dazzling smile over her shoulder. “You’re sure you don’t want something to drink, Mr. Anderson?”

“No thank you, Tanya,” Boris said, and I swear to god, he sounded a little dazed. I wondered if that was how I sounded when I spoke to Tanya. I hoped not. 

I followed Tanya out of the restaurant and into the little corridor. Tanya walked until we were well out of earshot and then she opened the ice blue clutch she’d brought with her. She whipped out a bottle of water, unscrewed the lid and took a deep gulp. Then she offered it to me. “You want a sip? You said you were thirsty. It’s just water.”

“Thanks,” I half-chuckled as I took the bottle from her and took and took a gulp.” 

“You’re welcome,” she said a bit airily and took a deep breath. “So? How am I doing?”

“You’re doing awesome,” I said immediately and tilted my head slightly at the way her grey eyes flickered a little. “Are you nervous?”

“I’m talking openly about something that has been a taboo since I was fourteen. Yes, I’m nervous,” Tanya said simply and took another deep breath. 

I slinked closer to her and put a hand on her hip. “You never said anything about that this morning.” 

“You were nervous,” she shrugged. “And if you found out that I was too you would only have become more nervous.” 

There was some truth in that. I lightly circled my fingers over her hipbone. “You are saying a lot of nice things about me, Goldstein.”

“Yes, well, try not to let it get to you,” Tanya said and tugged at the neckline of her dress. “God, I can’t breathe in this thing!”

“I’ll help you taking it off later.” 

She raised an eyebrow. “Is that a promise, miss Swanson?” 

“It is,” I assured and god, I felt so tempted to kiss her! But she was wearing this deep red lipstick and I was pretty darn sure kissing would mess it up. And why mess with perfection?

Tanya chuckled. “I can hardly wait... You look very nice.”

I took her hand in mine and squeezed it lightly. “Then why don’t we head back and tell my co-workers the truth, huh? The faster we do that, the faster I can help you out of that dress...” 

“Deal,” Tanya laughed. “But we have to find some water first...”

We managed to do that, and the interview continued. Boris was doing a very good job, and I could tell that Tanya was starting to relax more and more. She openly spoke of her childhood and how the word “gay” had been taboo. How her parents had reacted when she tried to come out at fourteen. 

“My mother brushed me aside, but my father was exceptionally angry,” she said and elegantly crossed her legs. “For a god fearing man, he cursed a lot that day. I think that’s the only time I’ve been generally afraid of him.”

“That must have affected you a lot,” Boris said, and I had to take a deep breath as I imagined fourteen year old Tanya with wide, scared eyes. 

“Oh, it did. Why do you think I haven’t come out before?” Tanya said with a slight chuckle. “I struggled with my mental health a lot when I lived at home. I was in a very dark place. And for a very long time, I wasn’t very good at being in a relationship. I was constantly afraid of... I don’t know what I was afraid of. That my parents somehow found out. Even though I moved to New York when I was seventeen years old, my parents still held enormous power over me. The relationships I had at the time didn’t work out because there was this teeny, tiny part of me that felt like what I was doing was wrong. That me falling in love with women somehow went against nature’s law or something like that. There were times where I considered... doing terrible stuff to myself because I couldn’t see a way out. But fortunately enough, I asked for help.” 

My gut twisted. I didn’t know this. Tanya’s story was more extensive than I thought. She hadn’t just been “affected” by her parents. She had been fucking traumatized. I had the strongest urge to whack her parents with a wet fish, because how could they have done this to their daughter? Told her that she was bad or wrong or whatever the fuck they had said to her. 

Tanya shook her head lightly. “It’s surreal, sitting here and talking about something I’ve been told is wrong so many times. But as I said, I don’t want to hide anymore.” 

“Do you think it’s more taboo to be gay or bisexual in the movie industry?” Boris asked.

Tanya shrugged. “I think opening up about your sexuality does come with other challenges when you’re a public figure. There will always be someone out there who’s ready to criticize you, but that’s a part of it all. A part of everything, really. You just gotta scroll past the negative comments and focus on the good ones instead, right?”

“Definitely,” Boris said and flashed her a smile before continuing: “LGBTQIA society is getting more and more recognition every day. I’ve seen several comments about you being called a “a gay icon.”

“Yes, so I’ve seen,” Tanya smiled. “I think that’s very sweet.”

“How would you feel about playing a gay character? Do you think that would be challenging for you?”

“Well, every role is challenging for me,” Tanya said slowly. “But, if the opportunity showed up, I would love to play a more diverse character. I would be honored to help the LGBTQIA society to gain even more visibility, and assure that young gay people have someone they can see parts of themselves in. A role model of sorts. It would be a privilege.”

My heart swelled. That well-spoken, smart, beautiful creature was my girlfriend, and I had never been prouder of her. 

“Do you think this will change how people see you?” Boris asked. 

“I hope so,” Tanya said. “I hope that this interview will reach people who are in my situation. Afraid to come out because of whatever circumstances in their life. I hope they’ll see it and realize that they aren’t alone. There’s nothing worse than having to hide who you are, and I hope that this will be an encouragement to those who have to hide for whatever reason. From now on, they have me. I’m their gay aunt.” She laughed pearly. “You can quote me on that.” 

Boris laughed too. “You’ve done a very brave thing by opening up and sharing your story with us.” 

“Thank you,” Tanya smiled. “But so far, I’ve only told my side of the story, haven’t I? We need to hear from the person I’ve been talking about all morning.”

My heart began thudding in my chest again. 

“It would be a pleasure to be introduced to your girlfriend,” Boris said warmly and returned Tanya’s smile. 

“Well, in that case, I think it’s high time you meet her. But I’m asking you to go easy on her,” Tanya said softly. “She’s used to reporters and cameras, but she has never done something like this before,   
and I want it to be a good experience for her. Going public with me will change her life. I’m sure you understand.”

“Of course we do,” Boris said immediately and reassuringly. “No invasive questions or anything. Just the standard ‘how did you meet’ and a couple of questions regarding her thoughts about what it’s like to go public with you, and her thoughts about the future. Does that sound okay?”

“It does,” Tanya nodded and looked at me for confirmation.

I gave a tiny, barely there nod. Yep, that sounded more than okay.

“Excellent,” Tanya said. “Then I don’t see any reason why I shouldn’t introduce her to you.”

“Fantastic,” Boris said whilst signalizing to Leo. “We’ll just put the recording on hold while you find her.” 

“Oh, that won’t be necessary,” Tanya said quickly. “My girlfriend’s already here.” 

Boris and Leo looked confused at one another. “Here?” Boris repeated. 

“Yes,” Tanya smiled. 

“I’m not sure I follow,” he said as he looked around in the restaurant. 

“Then allow me to clear up any confusion,” Tanya said and extended her hand out to me. “Mara?” 

“Mara?” Boris repeated and looked at me now. 

“Yup, let’s do this,” I said as I stood from the leather couch. I walked around the table between us and sat down next to Tanya. I took her hand and gave it a soft squeeze, and I was surprised to discover that her palm was almost as sweaty as mine. 

“Mara?” this time it was Leo who was confused. 

I held Tanya’s gaze for a moment and smiled at her. Then I looked back at my colleagues and said: “it’s me. I’m Tanya’s girlfriend.”


	30. Out (And happy about it!)

LIKE IN THE MOVIES: The Starlet and the Reporter!

AFTER THE SCANDALOUS LEAK OF AN ILLEGALLY RECORDED AUDIO FILE, ACTRESS TANYA GOLDSTEIN COMES FORWARD AND REVEALS THE IDENTITY OF HER MYSTERY WOMAN. HEADS UP, HOLLYWOOD, IT’S A CASE OF TRUE LOVE AND NOT A DODGY LOVE TRIANGLE!

In an open-heartedly raw and honest interview, actress Tanya Goldstein told her story exclusively to Juicy Bits, an interview in which we’re reminded that not every aspect of a celebrity’s life is glamorous... amongst other things, the actress spoke of the challenges she was facing when she came out as gay at just fourteen:  
‘my mother brushed me aside, but my father was exceptionally angry. For a god fearing man, he cursed a lot that day,” the actress revealed and continued: ‘I think that’s the only time I’ve been genuinely afraid of him...’  
GO TO PAGE TWO TO READ THE FULL INTERVIEW WITH TANYA GOLDSTEIN AND GO TO PAGE FIVE TO READ THE EXCUSLIVE INTERVIEW WITH HER GIRLFRIEND! VISIT OUR WEBSITE TO SEE THE FULL VIDEO INTERVIEW!

I chuckled to myself as I closed the magazine and looked at the cover. A picture of Tanya and I were adorning the cover. Well, sort of anyway. Tanya was standing there in her ice blue dress and smiling dazzlingly. She had an arm around me, but my face had been replaced with a large question mark. I chuckled again. Smart way to ensure that people bought the magazine. After having admired the cover for a second, I opened the magazine again and flipped right to page two to read the interview. I laughed out loud as I read the headline. I had already read it quite a few times, but it was still making me laugh. ‘I’M THEIR GAY AUNT. QUOTE ME ON THAT.’ Underneath there was a large picture of Tanya smiling proudly. Perfect. Couldn’t have been better. I skipped to page five and my grin widened when I saw the picture of Tanya and I together. We had our arms around each other, and fuck we looked so happy together! The headline Boris had chosen for my interview was also pretty spot on. ‘IT STARTED WITH A SPILLED CUP OF COFFEE’

“What are you laughing about?” Tanya asked huskily and I shivered a little when her soft, warm fingers skimmed up and down my naked back. 

“The interviews,” I told her. 

“Oh?” she asked and snatched the magazine right out of my hand. Her platinum blonde hair fell down on either side of her face as she bowed her head over the magazine. “’I think what I most fell in love with about Tanya is how complex she is,’” she lazily quoted. “’And how many layers she really has. You look at her and think you see one thing, but there’s so much to her, and I wish that everyone could see that.’”

“Shut up,” I half-laughed and whapped her arm.

“You were saying a lot of nice things about me, Swanson,” she teased as she closed the magazine again. 

“Well, yeah, I had to make it look like we were in love, hadn’t I?” I teased, and now she was the one to whap my arm and scowl. 

“I did a pretty good job at convincing them, didn’t I?” I continued and turned around in the bed. “I think I did.” As I spoke, I clasped my hands behind her neck and tugged her down on top of me. 

Tanya groaned a little as our breasts were mashed together. “I can’t right now, Swanson. I’m worn out.”

“Me, too,” I laughed and noted that my voice were hoarser than normally. 

Tanya adjusted a bit and lifted her head. She smiled teasingly as she pursed her lips and blew hot air on my collarbone. 

“That tickles!” I complained. 

“Oh, really?” she deadpanned. “I never would have guessed.” 

“You’re an ass,” I told her as I moved one hand down and squeezed hers. 

She squirmed a little at that. “Anymore of that, and I’ll go to sleep.” 

“Sure you will,” I drawled. I knew full well that she wouldn’t. Tanya wasn’t one for nodding off right after sex. I liked this. I liked the lazy conversation we were having. The magazine had hit the shelves this morning, and Tanya’s Instagram account had pretty much blown up. But she hadn’t been terribly interested in that. She had been more interested in celebrating. With me. So that was exactly what we had been doing. For most of the day. Now both of us were completely worn out, but that didn’t matter. I was far too high on adrenaline to even consider going to sleep. I knew that I at some point had to call my mom back. She had been calling me pretty much all day, but I had been too much of an ass to return her calls. 

I chuckled to myself as I thought back to my colleagues reaction.......

-Yesterday.......

“What?!” Boris stared at me like I had grown a second head, and Leo’s mouth fell open. He looked a bit like a fish.

“Yeah,” I said simply and squeezed Tanya’s hand lightly. 

“Are you-“ Boris spluttered. “Are you serious?!”

“Yes.” This time the confirmation came from Tanya, and she looked as amused as I felt. 

“Holy crap,” Leo said plainly. 

Boris was still struggling. “Is this some kind of joke?”

“No,” Tanya and I said in unison, and she added: “not even in the slightest, gentlemen.” 

I laughed. They hadn’t suspected anything. Tanya and I had clearly been very good at pretending. 

“Shall we continue the interview?” Tanya asked lightly and as professional she sounded, I could see a little smile dancing on her lips. 

“Uhh.... Yes. Of course.” Boris blinked and clearly struggled to wrap his head around this. 

“Excellent,” Tanya said. “Then perhaps you’d like to come and sit with me, Mara?” she patted the spot on the couch in a very familiar way. 

“Sure,” I said with a chuckle as I walked around the table and sat down next to her on the couch. 

Tanya shifted a bit to make room for me and she nonchalantly wrapped an arm around me.

“How do I look?” I asked and brushed a hand over the lapels of my blazer.

“You look very nice,” Tanya smiled. “I dare say, perfect.” 

Boris blinked. He still looked like he couldn’t comprehend what was happening right now, and Leo still looked like a fish out of water as he adjusted the camera slightly so the angle was better.

Tanya raised an eyebrow in a sort of polite ‘shall we continue’-manner.

“Right,” Boris said, snapping out of it and slipping into ‘professional reporter’ mode again. Well, almost anyway. He gave me a poignant look. “I’m gonna kill you for this later, Swanson. But let’s continue for now.”

“Great,” I said and grinned at him. “Ready when you are, Boris.”

He glared at me, clearly dissatisfied with having been fooled like that. I promised myself that I would tell him everything later. 

“So, Mara, how are you?” he asked, and now I could really sense that he had slipped back into his professional mode. 

“I’m doing pretty good, thank you,” I smiled.

He sucked in a breath. “We’ve heard from Tanya that the two of you has been together for three and a half month.”

“Yes, that’s right,” I confirmed with a slight nod and a smile.

“Would you mind telling me how the two of you got together?” he asked, and there was definitely more than professional curiosity. 

“Well, I supposed you could say it started with a spilled cup of coffee,” I chuckled and turned my head slightly. “Isn’t that right, Tanya?”

“Yes, that’s an excellent way to put it,” she nodded, and I felt her give my elbow a little squeeze. Reassuring. 

“A spilled cup of coffee?” Boris asked. “Can you elaborate that, Mara?”

“I had just wrapped up an interview with Tanya and was gathering all my things when I accidentally spilled a cup of coffee all over myself,” I said. “And Tanya’s first reaction was to burst out laughing hysterically. I was pretty annoyed at the time, but there was still a part of me that thought what a perfectly human reaction that was. I know it looked funny when I spilled that coffee. Why shouldn’t she laugh at it?”

“Not the best way to woo a woman.” Tanya dryly interjected. 

“You made up for it,” I said quickly and smiled at Boris when I told him (and the world): “She had my shirt cleaned, dried and ironed. And then she sent it to me via delivery. Even left a card and everything.” 

“Are you giving away all my secrets?” Tanya asked and gave my elbow another good-natured squeeze. 

“Yes, of course I am,” I laughed. “That’s the whole point with this interview, isn’t it?”

“Oh, I wouldn’t say that,” she drawled with just a hint of seduction in her voice. I did my best not to get affected. Even though she looked fucking fantastic in that dress.

“And after this....special delivery?” Boris continued. “How did things progress after that?”

“Well, the next time we saw each other was during that photoshoot,” I said and flashed Leo a little smile. The realization instantly dawned upon him, and he was practically scoffing at the way Tanya and I had “fooled him”. I shot Tanya a sideway glance. “You were actually pretty annoying.”

She laughed, and the sound somehow reminded me of melting chocolate. “I was,” Tanya happily admitted. 

“You were flirting shamelessly,” I added. 

“I was.”

“I sort of wanted to murder her after that,” I continued and chuckled slightly. “I was so annoyed that she had been messing around with me like that, but I also knew that something else had happened.”

“What do you mean when you say that?” Boris asked me. 

“Well, I could feel that I was becoming interested in her,” I elaborated and nearly laughed at how strange it was to sit here and be interviewed by my colleagues. “I felt like a huge cliché, you know? Getting   
smitten with a celebrity. It was like wishing for the moon.”

“Consider this a moon landing then,” it slipped out of Tanya. She let out another rich laugher. “Oops. Might wanna cut that.”

“You are hopeless,” I laughed, and Boris looked utterly shocked that I dared speaking like that to Tanya Goldstein.

“And how about you, Tanya?” Boris asked, immediately back in professional mode. “Were you interested in Mara at the time?” 

“Oh yes, absolutely,” Tanya said firmly. Her hand found mine. 

“And what were you thoughts about it?”

“That I had lost my mind.” She laughed. 

“Rude,” I interjected. 

“No offense, darling,” she said smoothly. “But I found you to be exceptionally annoying as well. And yet, somehow, I couldn’t stop thinking about you. Very frustrating.”

Boris laughed at our little exchange. “And after the photoshoot?”

“Well, what can I say? Fate is a funny one,” I said. “After the newest edition of the magazine hit the shelves, we went out to celebrate it in a bar, and Tanya was there.”

“She was?” it popped out of Boris, and I understood why. He had been there that night. So had Leo.

“I was,” Tanya confirmed. “In disguise, obviously. But I was there.”

“We danced,” I supplied. “And it only made me surer of what I was already suspecting. That I was interested in her.”

Tanya reached out and grabbed the glass of water. She took a sip and I wondered if she was nervous again.

“Tanya came up with an excuse to make me come to the hotel the next day-“

“I wanted my shirt back,” Tanya interjected as she put the glass of water down. 

“And you never got it,” I shot back. “Instead we talked for a while, and-“ I paused, unsure of whether I should reveal so much. 

“Go on, miss Swanson,” Tanya encouraged with a deep chuckle. “Do tell.”

I laughed because the way she said it made it sound like ‘doooo tell’. “That night we kissed each other for the first time,” I said quickly and without taking my eyes off Tanya. She smiled fondly at the   
memory. 

I dwelled on the memory for a moment before continuing: “From that point on, well... There were odd little meetings here and there, but it didn’t take long before we had our first official date.”

“And how did that go?” Boris asked. 

“Awesome,” I grinned. “Easily the best date in my life.”

“I agree,” Tanya chirped in. “And so was the next one. You asked me out.”

“That’s right, I did,” I smiled. “Less fancy than the first time, but still awesome.”

“Definitely awesome.” 

“And what was it like to know that you were suddenly dating a celebrity, Mara?” Boris asked. 

“Well,” I cleared my throat. “I know it sounds weird, but I wasn’t willing to admit to myself that I was dating her.”

“And why is that?”

“Because it didn’t.... It didn’t feel like something that could actually happen. I struggled to believe that she really could be interested in me.”

“Idiot,” Tanya interjected.

I chuckled. “Charming.”

“How about you, Mara?” Boris asked and switched focus. “What was it like to start dating Mara?”

“It was actually pretty difficult,” Tanya said openly. “I felt very unsure of myself. I haven’t been in many relationships, and everything my parents had said was always niggling in the back of my head. But I   
was also unsure because I didn’t know how Mara felt. I wasn’t sure what she wanted.”

“And I weren’t sure of what you wanted,” I said softly and squeezed her hand. “Talk about mixed signals.”

She laughed. “Yes, you got that right.”

“But we worked it out, didn’t we?” I continued. “I mean, otherwise we wouldn’t have been here.”

“That’s true, darling.” 

I chuckled. That word again. God, I hoped that was gonna be a thing from now on!

“Yes, the reason you’re doing this interview,” Boris picked up the thread. “Mara, how did you feel when you found out about the leak?”

“I was furious!” for more than one reason. “I couldn’t believe that anyone would do something like that. I felt like the relationship between me and Tanya had somehow been... tarnished. Yeah. Tarnished.   
Because that audio file had made everything completely wrong. And I was pissed for Tanya’s sake as well. I knew that the situation regarding her sexuality and her parents was difficult. And I was naturally angry that someone had brought her in this situation.” 

“So you chose to come out with her.”

“Of course I did.” I turned my head and smiled at Tanya again. “She asked me how I would feel about it, and naturally, I said that I would do this with her.”

“It never occurred to you that this is ultimately gonna change your life too?”

“Well, I’m counting on getting a couple of phone calls from my mom once this hits the news,” I said and laughed. “And as Tanya said, I’m pretty street smart when it comes to reporters. But yeah, of course this is gonna change my life.”

“And how do you feel about that? Suddenly being in the spotlight?”

“Okay, I think,” I said lightly. “Is it gonna be weird that everyone suddenly knows my name? Yeah, definitely. But is it also gonna be worth it? Absolutely. I want this to be real.”

“What are you thinking about when you say that?” Boris asked. 

“Well-“ I gave Tanya’s hand another little squeeze. “Tanya’s been forced to hide who she is ever since she was fourteen. And I don’t want her to hide anymore. Not with me. Not ever.”

Tanya abruptly reached out and grabbed the glass of water. She took a deep gulp, and I smiled softly because I knew the famous ‘drink-something-until-the-lump-in-your-throat-disappear-method’.

Boris smiled at my reply and waited until Tanya had sat the glass of water down. Then he asked: “Tanya, how would you describe Mara in one word?”

“Annoying,” she laughed. “No, cut that. I would describe her as... Hmm... This is hard.” She frowned, considered. “Unavoidable. Yes. Unavoidable in the best way possible.”

Boris seemed delighted with that response. “And you, Mara? How would you describe Tanya in one word?”

I thought about it for a moment. “I’d say... unique. Yep. Unique.”

“You made that sound like a threat,” Tanya laughed. 

“It was,” I assured her with a grin. 

She scoffed and looked like she was mildly impressed. 

“Do you have any plans for the future?” Boris asked and interrupted our friendly little banter. 

“Plans?” Tanya echoed and raised an amused eyebrow. “Are you fishing after finding out if and when we move in together and get married?”

“Jesus, Tanya!” I spluttered but still laughed. 

“No, not quite,” Boris assured with a slight smile. “Just your thoughts about the future. That’s all.”

Tanya turned to me. “Do you have any plans or thoughts for the future, Mara?” 

“Yeah, I do, actually,” I said and quirked an eyebrow at her. “I’d like to take you out to dinner again.” 

“You are such an idiot,” she laughed. 

“Does that mean you don’t want to go out with me again?” I asked innocently. 

“I might. If you play your cards right, Swanson.”

Boris laughed, and Tanya flashed me a soft smile. A smile that oozed tenderness, and I could have melted on the spot. 

“When this interview is published and your relationship will become official,” Boris said as he sobered up. “Do you think that means you’ll be accompanying Tanya to official events?” 

“Oh,” I said. I actually hadn’t thought about that. “I...I don’t know. Maybe.”

“That’s completely up to Mara,” Tanya supplied. “Yes, once this interview is published, our relationship will become official, but how much or how little she wants to show her face in public, is a hundred percent Mara’s decision.”

“I still haven’t decided how much I will appear in public,” I said lightly. “But I’m definitely not gonna be a “silent partner”. The whole point with this is to show how much Tanya and I are a team.”

The smile Tanya flashed me almost made me think that she was going to kiss me. But she didn’t. Unfortunately.

Boris smiled again. “To wrap up this interview....Tanya concluded her side of the story with proclaiming that she’s the gay aunt to every teenager who struggles with their sexuality. Do you have any advices regarding that, Mara?”

“Reach out,” I said immediately. “If you can’t talk to your parents, go online and google the nearest LGBT group near you. There you can talk to professionals who will listen to you instead of brushing you off. And you can meet other young people who are gay or bi or pan or something else. They’ll question the same things as you, talk about the same things. And I think that’s the main interest here. Talking about it.” I turned my head and looked at Tanya. “Unfortunately I can’t do anything to change what coming out was like for Tanya, but maybe, just maybe I can change what it’ll be like for another fourteen year old kid who has the same questions as she did, and if I can do that... If I can make coming out of the closet easier for just one more person by doing this interview with Tanya, well... Then I’ll have no problem with whatever media circus this will cause.” 

Next to me Tanya suddenly blinked rapidly, and for once she didn’t have any smart remarks. 

“Yes!” Boris exclaimed as he signalized to Leo to end the recording. “If this won’t win the Pulitzer price, I don’t know what will!”

“We forgot to tell them about our first meeting in the taxi,” Tanya said with a slight smirk. 

“What meeting?” Boris asked immediately. 

“Oh, sorry, the camera’s been switched off. Everything I say now is off the record. Opportunity squandered. What a shame,” Tanya said with faux sadness. 

I laughed and gave her a slight shove.

Leo narrowed his eyes at me. “I could kill you for this, Swanson!”

“I know,” I chuckled. 

Boris looked a bit concerned as he asked: “does Ingrid know about this?”

“Of course she does,” I said with a slight scoff. “I had a chat with her right after Tanya called and asked for another interview.”

“Yes, we had talked about it before Mara left for work,” Tanya added. 

Boris raised an eyebrow.

“I was in her apartment,” Tanya explained. 

“Jesus,” Leo said and shook his head. “I cannot believe you’ve been keeping this from us, your friends, for so long, Swanson!”

“Would any of you actually have believed me?” I asked and raised my own eyebrow. 

Neither Boris nor Leo answered that. 

“Exactly,” I laughed. 

“But now everything is out in the open,” Tanya interrupted with a slight eyeroll. “So, shall we move along to the pictures?”

“Yes! Good idea,” Leo said and immediately began muttering complaints about not having the correct light and backdrop. 

“Oh, it’s not a photoshoot,” Tanya reminded him. “No reason to bring out the big guns, Mr. Rossi. It’s just a couple of pictures.” She got up from the couch and her high heels clacked as she went over to a   
white wall at the very bottom of the restaurant. “There’s your backdrop, Mr. Rossi.” She smiled at me. “And you already have your motive. Come, Mara. Let’s become frontpage stuff.”

I couldn’t help but laugh as I walked over to her. “At your service, Goldstein.”

She raised an eyebrow and smirked. Her voice was low and only meant for my ears when she said: “is that a promise?”

“Shut up,” I hissed.

But she didn’t. Instead she laughed huskily as she wrapped an arm around me. “We’re ready when you are, Mr. Rossi.”

Leo only needed a moment to set up his camera and when he was ready to “shoot”, he couldn’t help but “yell orders”: “a bit closer together?”

Tanya laughed again as she tugged me closer. 

“Perfect!” Leo exclaimed as he jammed his finger down on the button. “Beautiful.”

Tanya kept smiling and demonstrated some pretty impressive ventriloquist skills as she quietly murmured: “I think this is my favorite position.”

Obviously, I blushed. And obviously, Leo chose that exact moment to take another picture. “Perfect!”

I don’t know how long he made us twist and turn as he took pictures, but at some point, there was a slight pause in which he fiddled with the camera. And Tanya used that break to say: “give me your   
blazer.” 

“Huh?”

“Your blazer, Swanson. Give it to me.”

I blinked as I fiddled with the button in my blazer. “Why?” 

“Because I’m cold and I want to wear it. And you look good in blue,” she smirked. “Blazer. Now.” 

I fake groaned as I unbuttoned the blazer, shrugged it off and gave it to her. “Here you go.”

“Ta,” she joked as she elegantly slipped her arms through the sleeves and left it unbuttoned over her ice blue dress. “What do you think?”

“I think it looks better on you than it did on me,” I said plainly. 

“It looked good on you too, darling,” she said, and I laughed. The way she said it. Not ‘darling’. But daaaaah-ling. She was hilarious. 

“All we need is just a little bit of...” Tanya didn’t finish the sentence. Instead she brought her hands up to the top button in my powder blue shirt, and before I could as much as blink, she had unbuttoned   
the first unbutton. 

“Tanya!” I protested. 

“You’re perfect,” she shushed me and leaned in to kiss my cheek. 

Leo immediately spotted that. “Is there any chance I can get you to hold that position, ladies?” 

Tanya straightened her posture and looked at me. “You decide, Mara.”

“I can handle a kiss on the cheek,” I quipped. 

“Yes?”

“Definitely.”

“Alright. In that case...” Tanya bowed her head and kissed my cheek again. Leo took the picture. I was pretty sure I looked like a goofy idiot but looking like a goofy idiot had never felt better. 

A couple of more pictures where Tanya and I had our arms around each other were taken, and then Boris concluded the interview by warning me that he would hate me “to the end of time” for screwing   
with him like this. I told him that I would have to live with that somehow, and then I waved bye-bye to him and Leo. I wasn’t going back to work. That was something Ingrid and I had agreed on. 

As soon as we were alone, Tanya yanked me closer and kissed me deeply until my lips were tingling and my lungs burning after oxygen. My half-hearted squeaks that I needed air were clearly enough, and   
she released me with a chuckle. 

“So, did I do okay?” I joked. 

“You...” she kissed me tenderly once more. “Were absolutely perfect.”

“Yeah? You think so?”

“Absolutely. Darling.” She laughed. 

“I think I like that,” I stated plainly. 

“Darling?”

“Mhmm. That.”

“Well then, darling. I think you promised to help me out of this dress,” Tanya drawled as she took my hand. “And you’re not planning on going back on that promise, are you?”

“Fuck no,” I said. “Lead the way, Goldstein.”

And that was exactly what she did. All the way back to her hotel room. And as soon as the door had closed behind us, I did exactly as promised. Helped her out of her dress. I also did something I hadn’t promised. Kissed every inch of her beautiful skin until she trembled. Not a part of the “deal”, but Tanya had absolutely no complains.

“Oh fuck!” she hissed as my mouth ventured up to her breast again. 

“Hmm? Did you say something?” I lightly teased. 

“Fuck. Me.” 

“Patience,” I admonished. “I’m not nearly done with you, Goldstein.”

In response, Tanya’s fingers weaved into my hair and tugged slightly, and god, I had to pause what I was doing for a moment to hiss her name. I looked up at her and she was fucking smirking at me. That bastard. I was supposed to have the upper hand here, damnit! I quickly lowered my head and dragged my tongue over her nipple again. Her fingers immediately tightened in my hair, and I was sure I could feel her thighs trembling slightly. 

I felt euphoric. Our little “secret” was out. Tomorrow everyone would know how crazily in love I was with her, and it felt so. Fucking. Good. It was her and me. Showing our affection towards each other. In public. Tanya would never have to hide ever again. Tomorrow everyone would know that she was proud of being who she was. 

I looked up at her again, and she huffed. “Don’t fucking stop!” 

I ignored that. “I’m in love with you. Did you know that?”

She softened at that and smiled up at me....

The sound of Tanya’s phone going off nearly send me tumbling off the bed in sheer surprise. I yelped a little and then huffed. “Well, that was fucking rude.”

“And I thought you were asleep,” Tanya laughed as she rolled off of me and grabbed her phone. “Hello?” she pushed her blonde hair behind her shoulder. “Oh, hi Carol. What’s up? Okay?”

I listened curiously. I knew that Carol was her press....something. The person who scheduled interviews and all that. 

“Alright,” Tanya said with a slight nod. “Well, I’m going to New York in four days to shoot the last couple of scenes, so my calendar is pretty booked. But maybe when I get back? Yes. I’ll think about it. Bye-bye.” She ended the call and put the phone down on the nightstand again. 

“What was that about?” I asked and wiggled closer to her. 

“The Advocate wants to do an interview with me,” Tanya said and pushed her hair away from her face one more time. 

“Seriously?” 

“Yep. Well, I suppose they’ll want to do an interview with both of us, but I told them that we’ll think about it. First things first. We’re busy,” she laughed and pulled the covers up. 

“Oh yeah,” I snickered. “We’re like...totally busy right now.”

“We ARE,” she insisted. “We’re trying to bust Fred for the leak. Remember?”

“Is that what we’re doing right now?” I teased and wiggled a hand under the covers so I could squeeze her thigh slightly. 

“No. Right now we’re...celebrating,” Tanya said with that particular gleam in her eyes. She lifted her head and glanced down at floor where her ice blue dress still was lying crumbled. 

“I like celebrating,” I told her and slung my leg over her waist. 

“Me too.” she absentmindedly rubbed circles over my hip for a second. “And speaking of celebrating...”

“Yes?”

“How would you feel about going to the Golden Globe Awards with me?” she asked and sounded uncharacteristically shy. 

“Seriously?” I lifted my head so I could see her better. 

“Yes. I don’t think I’m going to win, but in case I do-“

“Yes,” I interrupted her. 

She blinked a little. “Yes?”

“Yes, I’ll go with you to the Golden Globe Awards.”

“Oh.” She blinked again. “Just....like that?”

“Mmm, just like that,” I chuckled and cupped her beautiful face in my hands. “It’s not that difficult. And just for the record, I have a pretty strong hunch you’ll be going home with that award...” 

“I might not,” Tanya said. “But I don’t think I care so much about it. For some reason, it already feels like I’ve won.”

“That was sappy,” I teased her. 

“Shut up.” 

“But...” I shifted and nudged her onto her back. “I can work with sappy.” 

“Oh you can, can you?” 

“Mmm,” I hummed as I positioned myself on top of her. “I can definitely work with sappy, Goldstein.” Instead of offering more sass, I slotted our lips together in a soft, slow kiss. She tasted very faintly of the wine we’d had for dinner last night, and she smelled of warm sheets and coconut conditioner. I hadn’t been nominated for anything, but it still felt like I too had won the most amazing price....

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Only two more chapters left, guys!


	31. Getting Personal Again

“Fuck!” I yelled when the shower curtain was ripped away abruptly.

“Boo,” Tanya said sardonically and grinned unapologetically as she wiggled past me to get into the shower. 

“Don’t DO that!” I said tried to make my heart slow down. “You nearly gave me a fucking heart attack. 

“You knew it was gonna be me,” she reminded and gave me a light shove so she could step under the spray of hot water. 

“Yeah, rationally. But you don’t think rationally when you get scared. I could only think of that fucking shower scene in Psycho!”

“Oh.” She snickered softly as she pushed her hair away from her face. “Oooh, I could totally play Marion Crane if they ever decided to do a remake of “Psycho”, couldn’t I?” 

“You could,” I agreed. I was pretty sure Tanya would make a fantastic Marion Crane, but... I wrinkled my nose slightly. 

“What?” Tanya asked and stilled with her shampoo covered fingers in her wet hair. “You don’t think I’d make a good Marion? I’m a good screamer.”

“Yeah, I know you are,” I said and rolled my eyes a little. “And I’m pretty sure you’d make an awesome Marion, but...”

“But what?”

“It would have to look like you were getting stabbed, and I’m pretty sure that would make me physically sick,” I said simply.

“Oh,” she chuckled. “You are adorable.”

“Shut up,” I grumbled. “I know it’s ridiculous.” 

“It’s cute,” Tanya corrected and resumed spreading shampoo in her hair until it foamed. I had already washed my hair. And the rest of me. Technically, I had nothing else to do in the shower since I was done, but did that mean that I was planning on getting out of the shower? Nah. 

I wrapped my arms around Tanya from behind, and she made a little half disgruntled sound in the back of her throat. “I’m trying to wash my hair, Swanson. You’re making it difficult.”

“I’ve no idea what you’re talking about,” I assured her as I pressed a kiss to her naked shoulder. 

“Of course you don’t,” she scoffed as she tilted her head back. “Get off me. I need to rinse.”

“Bossy,” I complained as I reluctantly released my grip on her. 

“Yes,” she said simply and even through the steam I could see her smirking as she turned around and tilted her head back once more to rinse the shampoo out of her hair. Who knew showering could be that sexy? Tanya obviously made it look like some sort of commercial for shampoo. 

“Did you finish your phone call?” I asked. That was the reason why Tanya had been “late” for the shower. 

“Yes. Alex says hi,” Tanya said lightly. “Now shush. I can’t talk right now. Otherwise I’ll end up getting shampoo in my mouth.” 

“Right then,” I said and grinned a tiny bit. Alex says hi. Alex as in Alexander Scott, Tanya’s co-star in “Love Me Not”. How surreal was that? And how surreal was it that I was dating Tanya Goldstein? I was still trying to wrap my head around that. 

Tanya kept rinsing her hair until all the shampoo was gone. Then she reached for the bottle of conditioner, but I was faster and snatched it right under her nose. 

“Excuse me,” she said and scowled slightly at me. 

“Might if I assist you with that?” I snickered. 

Tanya raised an eyebrow again. “You wanna help me wash my hair? I don’t normally need any assistance with that.”

“You need assistance with taking off your clothes as well,” I said as I popped the lid off the bottle of conditioner. “And I’m very good at that.”

“You are,” she agreed and turned around, so she was standing with her back to me. 

I took that as a clear sign to go ahead. I squirted a bit of conditioner into my hand and instructed: “head back.”

Tanya tipped her head back and chuckled slightly as I began to rub the conditioner into her hair. “You’re good at that.”

“I’m an expert,” I assured. “You won’t find anyone better at hair washing around here.”

“Is that so? Well, I suppose I better keep you around then.”

“Mmm, you better.” I scrunched up her hair and marveled at how soft it was. It looked darker when wet, and I was still wondering whether Tanya was hiding darker locks under blonde hair dye, but she   
refused to tell me. I scrunched up her hair again until the conditioner foamed, but even though I didn’t have to do anything more, I kept running my fingers through her locks again and again. Her hair was so fucking soft. 

“Are you trying to make me bald?” Tanya asked amusedly. 

“Yeah. You got me. That’s totally what I’m trying to do,” I assured her. 

“You have a hair fetish.” 

I said nothing to deny it. Because maybe I did have a hair fetish. I definitely had a fetish for her hair. And she clearly had a fetish for having her hair played with. Even through the sound of water spraying down, I could hear the humming almost sort of purring sound she was currently making. Of course she denied everything when I asked about it, but she still couldn’t run from the sound she had made, and I chuckled to myself. I had found a “weak spot”. 

“I think you should rinse it out now,” Tanya pointed out. And it was a good point. 

I reached up and grabbed the showerhead, twisted it out of its holder and instructed: “Head back.” 

Tanya chuckled as she tipped her head back and allowed me to rinse the conditioner out of her long, beautiful hair. It was difficult not to suffer from “hair envy” when dealing with Tanya’s smooth, golden curls that reached the small of her back. I took my sweet time with rinsing and running my fingers through her locks to ensure there wasn’t any conditioner left. 

“Are you done?” Tanya asked and turned her head slightly. 

“Yeah. With your hair,” I grinned as I grabbed the bottle of body scrub. 

Tanya raised an eyebrow and smirked upon realizing what I was planning. “Ohhh.”

“Mmm-hmm,” I drawled as I popped the lid off the bottle of body scrub. I squeezed the bottle, so a good amount of the coconut scented liquid ended up in my hand. I carefully cupped my hand so I   
wouldn’t spill any of it and then switched the water off with my other hand. Then I began my little quest. I started out by spreading the soap over her neck and collarbones. She hummed again. “That feels nice.”

“That was the intention,” I chuckled softly. 

“I might need you every time I shower.” 

“That won’t be a problem at all. Relationships is all about doing things together. ”

“Yes, I’ve heard that’s the case,” Tanya murmured and squirmed a little when I took my soapy attention a bit lower and started to rub the coconut scented liquid into her right breast. I purposefully gave   
her nipple a bit of extra attention, and I could feel how it started to harden under my touch. 

“Speaking of doing things t-together-” Tanya began but trailed off when I brushed my thumb over her nipple again.

“Mhmm?” I encouraged and felt deliciously proud. I had made her stutter. 

“Are we still on for the Golden Globe show?” 

“Yes, of course,” I said surprised and moved my fingers away from her nipple to give her the chance to speak. “Why wouldn’t we be?” 

Tanya shrugged lightly. 

“Did you think I had changed my mind?” I pressed, now moving my hands away from her body entirely. 

Another shrug. And a bit of pouting because I had stopped doing what I did. 

“Why would I do that?” I asked simply. 

“Big event. Public place,” Tanya said lightly. “I want you to be comfortable.”

“And I want to be there and see you win.”

She scoffed. “I’m not gonna win.”

“I’m pretty sure you will, though.” I put my hands on her hips. “And you don’t have to second guess anything when it comes to me, alright? I said I’m gonna be there, so obviously, I’m gonna be there.”

“I know,” Tanya said hastily. “Now can you please continue what you were doing? You were on to something.” 

“Was I indeed?” I half-chuckled as I grabbed the bottle of soap again. I was more than willing to accept that this was the end of that conversation, but secretly, I was melting. The façade Tanya had built   
around herself was slowly crumbling. She was allowing herself to be insecure around me. She trusted me enough to show herself like she was. Tanya the person and not Tanya the actress. I felt utterly proud and happy. 

And Tanya was impatient. “Mara,” she insisted. 

“Be right there,” I assured as I squeezed more soap into my hands and lowered them to her breasts and began to massage the soap into her skin. 

She moaned and took a step backwards, so her back was against the wall. 

“We should start every morning like this,” I said plainly. 

“I agree. Imagine if you came to England with me...” 

“You are not playing fair, Goldstein,” I told her and gave her left nipple a teeny pinch as “punishment”. 

“I’m just saying...” she smirked. “You and me... Every. Single. Morning. For eight weeks.” 

“Shit, you have such good arguments,” I murmured. Right now, I was ready to say yes to everything she suggested. How come this could happen when she was the one who was slick and slippery in my   
hands? It wasn’t fair. 

She flashed me a smile and her grey eyes gleamed. “At least say you’ll consider it, darling.”

“Say ‘darling’ again.”

She flashed me her best Hollywood smile. “Darling.”

“Okay. Okay, I’ll consider it. Carefully and seriously.”

“Promise?”

“Oh yeah,” I assured and gave her breasts another soft squeeze. 

Tanya let out a soft moan and tipped her head back. 

“I like showering,” I snickered. 

Tanya shot me a look of pure impatience. “Me too, but there are things I’d like better.”

“And what would that be?” I teased as I moved my hands down to her flat belly. I began to rub the soap into her skin, and she moaned again. “Mara...”

“What?” I asked sweetly, still rubbing the soap into skin. She was getting slippery. 

“Stop being such a fucking tease,” she hissed. 

“I’m not. I’m helping you out with.... showering,” I offered unhelpfully. 

Tanya scoffed. “You know exactly what you’re doing. 

Yeah, I totally did. I bared my teeth in a grin as I carefully inspected her soapy stomach. “I think we’re all done there. Let’s see if I can find other places that needs cleaning, eh?” 

“You’ll be the death of me,” Tanya said plainly, and I laughed as I squeezed a bit more soap out of the bottle. Once I had a decent handful, I lowered my hands to her inner thighs. 

“Fucking hell,” Tanya said plainly and sounded like a woman accepting defeat. 

“What, you don’t like it?” I asked innocently as I began the oh, so difficult task of soaping in her inner thighs. 

“Moron.” 

“Be nice,” I warned and gave her inner thigh a slight pinch. 

“Ouch!” 

“It didn’t hurt. Don’t be so dramatic,” I laughed. 

“I’m an actress.”

I laughed again at the matter of fact retort and then noted: “I think you were pretty slippery before I even started to soap you up here.”

“Astonishing, isn’t it?” Tanya said sardonically and lifted her hands so she could push her wet hair away from her face again. 

That got me. She looked so ridiculously sexy when she did that, and I forgot every attempt at soaping her up. I brought my hand in between her legs and cupped her pussy. She was wet, of course she was. 

Tanya smirked (how the hell did she managed to look so unaffected?!) “couldn’t stay away, could you?” she half-laughed. 

“No,” I said and noted that there was a slight, rough edge to her voice. So not completely unaffected after all. 

“Fuck me,” she said simply, and seriously how was I supposed to reject that? I effortlessly slipped two fingers inside her and used the pad of my thumb to rub her clit. Her mouth fell open and her grey   
eyes snapped closed for a brief second before flashing open again. 

I leaned forward and kissed her. Tanya’s arms looped around my neck. She was pulling me closer and that changed the angle some. She groaned slightly into my mouth, and I began wiggling my fingers inside her. Twisting and curling until I found that patch of rougher tissue. She shivered and her teeth sank into my bottom lip. Clearly an accident, because a few seconds later I felt her tongue swipe gently over my bottom lip in a silent apology. She had nothing to apologize for, though. I could handle a little biting. And I had every intention of telling her that. Later. Right now it was far more important to make her come. Which wouldn’t take long. She was already riled up. I could feel it in the way her hips bucked, feel it in the way her pussy sucked my fingers in. I rubbed my thumb over her clit and enjoyed the way she shivered. After a moment she broke the kiss. Her head fell back against the tiles in the bathroom with a thumb, and it almost made me pause. Did that hurt?

Nope, clearly not. She seemed more than fine as she hissed: “shit!”

“Enjoying yourself, Goldstein?” I asked almost nonchalantly and felt every bit satisfied when feeling how everything continued to slicken and swell inside her. 

“No,” she said and made a half-hearted attempt at pushing her hair away from her face. “Right now I’m enjoying- mmmm!- you!”

“Good answer.” I told her and dragged my thumb over her clit again. She bit her lip and I could feel how she twitched deliciously. Her head lolled to the side and I immediately saw an opportunity and   
grasped it. I kissed her neck. Then nibbled lightly at the sensitive skin there whilst stroking her g-spot. I made sure to keep up that slow, steady rhythm I had been building from the start. As much as I knew she enjoyed fast and hard, I also knew that she appreciated slow and gentle. It didn’t have to be frantic clawing and lip-biting. Sometimes this was enough. 

She smiled. Another version of that dazzling Hollywood smile. A more...private version. A version only meant for me. I adored that smile as I adored her. That smile made me weak. That smile could have made me blurt out silly things. Like... ‘I love you’. Three words. Easy to blurt out. But oh, so dangerous to say all the same. She had beat me to confessing that she was in love with me. I wanted to say ‘I love you’ first. Maybe it was silly, but it was important to me. I took a deep breath as I looked into her grey eyes. They were gleaming. Overflowing with affection for me. And that smile... My fingers curled again, and I leaned in to steal another kiss from her lips. How could I not when she was smiling like that?

“Fuck!” Tanya moaned when we parted, and I chuckled just a little. Someone was getting impatient. That wasn’t so surprising. Tanya wasn’t exactly a patient person.

I felt her pussy clench around my fingers. She whimpered slightly and would probably deny having ever done that later. Maybe she was already trying to make up for the uncharacteristic sound by uttering   
another earnest: “fuck!”

I chuckled. “Yeah, that is the general idea.”

“Don’t get smart with m-“ she cut herself off and her eyes widened as I rubbed her clit a bit harder. 

“You were saying?” I asked innocently and swallowed when I felt how her pussy twitched around my fingers. 

Tanya said absolutely nothing. Instead she bit her lip and moaned something incoherent. 

I had wanted to drag it out. To let this slow and gentle pace build and build until it brought her to climax, and then I was gonna do it all again. But my delicious, wonderful plans were interrupted by a sound coming from the bedroom. It was Tanya’s cellphone. Not a phone call, but an alarm blaring. Sharp and unyielding. Like every other morning, I knew. I could see that the sound distracted Tanya, and 

I knew that that alarm wouldn’t stop until taken care of. Ergo, we had to hurry. 

“Shit,” Tanya muttered under her breath. She sounded genuinely irritated by the interruption. 

“We’ve got time for a raincheck,” I reminded her. 

“H-hurry up,” she hissed. “That sound is driving me nuts!”

“I’ve got you,” I assured as I curled my fingers and began stroking inside of her again whilst simultaneously rubbing her clit. The sound of her alarm was pretty distracting, but I still managed to stay focused on my task. How could I do anything but? I thrusted my fingers faster and made sure to keep the pressure on her clit. Tanya cursed and I was prepared to ignore all the alarms in all of the world when I saw her lift her hands to her breasts and pluck at her nipples to help herself along. Not quite how I had imagined this to go, but still exceptionally perfect.

“Fucking hell, you’re so-“ 

“Fuck!” Tanya interrupted and one of her hands fell away from her breasts as she grabbed my wrist tightly. Her pussy clenched equally tightly around my fingers, and I couldn’t help but grin as I watched her fall apart. Fuck, she looked so beautiful when she did that! And the following throaty moan was something taken straight out of the wettest dreams I’d had even before meeting her. I would never get tired of this. Never ever. 

“God!” she hissed, and her fingers trembled around my wrist. Her pussy clenched again, and I felt my fingers getting sticky with something that had little to do with soap. It was impossible not to feel like a smug asshole. 

“Mara’s good,” I told her. 

She rewarded me with something that could have been a glare if she tried harder. “Fuck that alarm!” she gritted out. 

I felt tempted to agree. I knew that the alarm was important, but right now I hated it. I waited patiently until she had stopped fluttering around me. Then I slowly and gently withdrew my fingers and   
dropped a kiss on the side of her neck. 

She flashed me another smile and then said plainly: “I’m gonna murder that alarm.”

I chuckled. “We better do something about it before the whole hotel comes running.” 

“Yeah.” Tanya glanced down at her naked body. “God, I’m all sticky!” 

“And since when is that a bad thing?”

She scoffed. “I meant the soap.”

“I’ll help you rinse it away afterwards,” I offered. 

“Maybe we should try the tub instead,” Tanya mused as she stepped out of the shower. “Much more comfortable.” She didn’t grab one of the fluffy towels or comfortable bathrobes. She simply wandered stark naked out of the bathroom, and a second later I heard the alarm being switched off. I breathed a slight sigh of relief as I stepped out of the shower too and followed her into the bedroom. She was sitting on the edge of the enormous bed with a bottle of pills in her hand. She popped the lid off and I saw one of the white pills slide into her hands. 

I felt a bit unsure of what to do. So far, I hadn’t seen much of Tanya’s medicine except for a white pill bottle yesterday morning and now I wasn’t quite sure what to do. Tanya and I were a team now. That much was obvious. We didn’t have secrets for each other, and it wasn’t like she had tried to hide the fact that she was on medication, but still, it was obvious that this was a sore spot for her, and I didn’t want to make her uncomfortable by asking or be caught staring. 

“Come and sit,” she said lightly and patted the bed. 

I came over and sat down next to her. As naked as her. 

“Bottom’s up,” Tanya joked as she reached for the glass of water on the bedside table. She popped the pill into her mouth and downed it with most of the water. Then she reached inside the drawer and brought out a second pill bottle. She took another pill with lots of water, and I tilted my head slightly as I looked at the pill bottle in her hand. 

Tanya caught me looking, but she didn’t get upset by it. Instead she turned the bottle slightly and said: “lamotrigine.”

“Okay,” I nodded. “And what does that... What does it do?”

“Treating depression,” Tanya calmly replied. 

“Alright. And the other one? That’s lithium, right?”

“Right,” she nodded. “Treats mania.”

“Okay.”

“Better known as mood stabilizers. Which is a bit misleading because my mood can change no matter what,” she said and quipped lightly as she sat the bottle of pills onto the nightstand. 

“Yeah.”

“I was on antipsychotic medicine when I was younger. From I was seventeen and until I turned nineteen.”

I shifted and moved closer to her. “You were in a really bad place, weren’t you?”

“Oh yeah.” She nodded. “I had my first manic episode shortly after I left my parents place. I couldn’t sleep at night. My thoughts were spiraling, and I had absolutely no control over anything. But I couldn’t see it, you know? I didn’t know I was ill at the time.”

I put my hand over hers. 

“I hadn’t slept for a week when I finally snapped,” Tanya continued. “I can’t really remember why exactly, but all of the sudden I found myself screaming and throwing the furniture’s around. I couldn’t explain why. I thought I was going crazy.”

“Oh, Tanya.” I squeezed her hand. 

“But I got help,” she said and turned her head to look at me. “I started seeing a therapist. And I was prescribed medicine. At first it was a rollercoaster because the doses had to regulated, but eventually my doctor found the right balance. Did wonders for me.” 

“That’s good,” I said softy and reached for her hand.

She gave my hand a squeeze. “When I was younger, there were times where I felt tempted to stop taking the medicine, and one time I actually did. For a week. It was...not good.”

I squeezed her hand again.

“The symptoms of mania,” Tanya said lightly. “Are euphoria, increased energy or maybe irritability, racing thoughts, unusual talkativeness, distractibility, poor decision making, decreased need for sleep, taking sexual risks and increased sex drive.” She chuckled dryly and I saw the hint of a smile on her lips. “The last part sounds really nice, but actually it’s not. Not when it’s driven by mania and not the desire for sex itself.” 

I squeezed her hand again. 

“I know it sounds really awful when it’s summed up like that-“

“It doesn’t.”

She ignored me. “But I do hope you’ll help me look out for some of those signs if you can sense that I’m not... well, myself. I’m not aware of it if I have a manic episode.” 

“I get it. I’ll help you. In every way.”

Tanya nodded slightly. “This is just in case I forget to take my medicine and you can sense it. I won’t neglect to take my medicine. Those days are over.”

I nodded. I trusted that completely.

“For depressive episodes the symptoms are feeling sad or hopeless. Obviously. Loss of interest in anything. Weight loss. Insomnia or sleeping too much. Fatigue. Decreased ability to concentrate and feeling worthless,” Tanya quickly summed up. “But it’s been a long time since I last had a major depressive episode.”

“Okay.”

“As long as I take my medicine and refrain from excessive drinking, I’m fine,” Tanya said. “I still see my therapist sometimes. Not weekly visits, but once a month. Better to be safe than sorry.” 

“That sounds very sensible.” 

Tanya pushed her hair back over her shoulder. “That night where you met me in the swimming pool...”

“I know you had an episode there.”

“A hypomania episode,” she said. “Which is basically a milder form of a manic episode. I had forgotten to take my medicine, and mixed with the alcohol I had consumed, that was pretty much all it took. I was overly chatty. I was rude. Overconfident. And I definitely had a stronger desire for sex than what I normally do.” She exhaled. “I used you.” 

“You did not! Don’t say that!” I squeezed her hand tightly and lifted my other hand to cup her cheek. “Tanya, look at me. You. Did. Not. Use. Me. Okay?”  
She wasn’t convinced. “But I exposed you to how irrational my behavior can be when I forget to take my medicine, and I don’t want to do that again. Not ever.”

I leaned in so I could kiss her cheek. “I’ll help you. I’ll do everything I can to help you.”

“Even shove the medicine down my throat if necessary,” Tanya joked and laughed a little. “Okay, maybe not something so dramatic, but just a reminder here and there.”

“I can definitely do that,” I promised and gave her hand another squeeze. “thank you for telling me all of this.” 

“I want you to know what you’re dealing with,” she said simply as she let herself fall backwards onto the bed. 

“I already knew that before.” 

She made a half attempt at shrugging. “Oh well. Now you know even better. We had to do something while playing this waiting game, so why not use the time to get personal? Again.”

I chuckled softly again and dipped down so I could kiss her collarbone. “We’re pretty good at playing the waiting game, aren’t we?”

“We are,” I nodded and began to draw odd little patterns on her collarbone. “Does... Does your parents know?”

“That I’m bipolar?” Tanya said. “Yes, of course. I was under eighteen when I had my first manic episode, so naturally, the hospital had to contact them. They wanted came to see me. Or, tried. I didn’t want to see them. My diagnosis didn’t really change anything. At least not to me. My dear old dad saw an opportunity and grasped it with both hands.”

“Meaning what?”

“He tried to use my mental health issues as an explanation for my ‘behavior’ a few months back,” Tanya dully summarized. “Basically, he blamed my new diagnosis for my belief about being gay.”

“You’re kidding me.” 

“I wish I was. But in his mind, it was all connected. I kicked them out of my hospital room, and we didn’t speak again until I turned eighteen.”

“I’m sorry,” I said gently. 

“Don’t be,” Tanya said lightly. “I prefer keeping my parents at an arms length. And after the newest article, I don’t think that’ll be a problem any longer.”

I nodded slowly. She had a point there. 

She stretched on the bed. “Are you hungry or anything?”

“No, I’m fine,” I said. 

She turned so we were more face to face. “Is there something you’d like to do then? I do realize that this hideout will get old at some point.”

“Hasn’t happened yet,” I said and stretched my legs a little. “How long do you think it’ll be before Fred cracks?”

“I don’t know. He looked pretty sour the last time I saw him. But if he doesn’t do anything soon, I’ll have to fire him without ever getting confirmed that it actually was him who leaked that file,” Tanya said   
and frowned. 

“That would really suck.” I made a face.

“Mmm, it would,” she agreed. “I would love bringing him to justice, but if I can’t do that, firing him would be a great pleasure too.”

I chuckled lightly at that. “Yeah.”

Tanya lifted her head. “I should get dressed.”

“Should you?”

“Yes. I can feel goosebumps growing up my ass.”

“Can you?” I laughed and wiggled a hand between her and the mattress so I could cup her ass. “Funny. I can’t feel them at all.”

“That’s because you’re not feeling thoroughly enough,” she teased.

I squeezed her ass as best as I could. “Still can’t feel any goosebumps.”

“Shall I make it easier for you and turn around?” she mocked slightly.

“Yes, if you’d please.”

She laughed as she turned so she was lying on her stomach instead. “How about now?”

I ran my fingers up and down her ass. “Nope. Still not feeling any goosebumps. But if I get a little more time, I’m sure I can-”

“Well, you won’t,” she interrupted and bared her teeth in a grin as she suddenly shifted so she was very much on top of me. “It’s my turn now, Swanson.”

I laughed. “To what, exactly?”

She didn’t answer that. Instead she just grinned and pointed out: “we gotta do something sensible with this exile, don’t we?”

“Oh, definitely,” I smirked. I was about to say something else. Something teasing. But I distracted by a sound coming from the hallway. A slight shuffling.

“What?” Tanya asked and drummed her fingertips against my collarbone. “Something wrong?”

“No, I just thought...” I regretted when I saw the questioning look on her face. “You know what, never mind. Just kiss me.”

Tanya laughed as she dipped down and pecked my lips. The kiss didn’t last for as long as I had hoped, though, and I was about to comment on it when she said: “want to go down to the pool with me   
later?”

Tempting offer, but... “I didn’t bring a bathing suit.”

“You can borrow one from me. I have about a million.”

“A million, really?”

She scoffed in annoyance. “You know what I mean.”

I laughed. “Well, if we can find one that actually fits me, then yes I’d like to go down to the pool with you.” 

“Great. It’s a date then,” she smiled. 

“Definitely. Now kiss me, damnit!”

And oh, how she did so. And not only that. It didn’t take long before I felt her hand between my legs. I moaned into her mouth and clasped my hands in her hair. I parted my legs and wiggled a little to make her slip her fingers inside me. I was already wet. She didn’t have to prepare me. But Tanya just chuckled. “Not yet.”

“Don’t torture me!” I hissed. “That’s not fair!”

“I’d never dream of it,” she assured, and then she was kissing her way down my body. And those kisses didn’t stop when she reached the apex of my thighs. Instead they grew more determined. I moaned   
and fisted my hands in her wet hair, and my mind threatened to blue screen completely when her lips closed around my clit and she began to suck. If this was how we were gonna spend our time in this “exile”, I certainly wasn’t complaining.

“Tanya!” I hissed. 

Her fingers gripped my thighs and squeezed slightly. I had to close my eyes. Close my eyes and surrender. Surrender to her lips, her tongue and her warm fingers squeezing my thighs. And it didn’t take very long before I had to surrender to the orgasm crashing down upon me. A very willing surrender. I cried out and could only hear that and the pulse beating in my ear. I might have tugged a bit too harshly at Tanya’s hair, but she didn’t seem to mind. Nor did she stop. She was insatiable like no one had been with me before. She couldn’t get enough, and the idea of that, the idea of being so desired by one of the most beautiful women ever made me feel completely delirious. I had to have her in my arms, and so I tugged at her shoulder until she got the message and came up to kiss me again. Her lips were glistening, and I could taste myself on them. Her hand slid down, and soon I felt her tongue replaced by her fingers. I moaned into her mouth. It didn’t matter whether she used her mouth or her fingers. She was fucking amazing anyhow, and I clutched at her shoulders. Couldn’t get her close enough on this particular morning. Or maybe that was just a permanent “condition” now. Unable to get enough of Tanya. Beautiful, strong, vulnerable, brave Tanya. I could think of worse fates. I broke the kiss to smile up at her. The smile was immediately returned, and it made me feel like my insides were melting. That fucking smile again. Did she even know what that smile was doing to me? What SHE was doing to me right now? She breathtaking with her hair wet and face wiped of any makeup. Her grey eyes were gleaming. “Mara,” she said simply. Just that. 

“Tanya,” I parroted and brushed my thumbs over her cheeks. 

Her fingers curled inside me, easily finding that particular spot, and my hands fell away from her face as I squeezed the bedding. I earned myself a chuckle at that.

“I’ve got you,” she rasped. 

“Y-yeah,” I murmured. Damn right, she had me! In every fucking way imaginable. 

Another smile, another kiss. Words whispered in my ear as knowing fingers curled and twisted inside me. Gentle encouragements to let go, to come for her. Gentle, gentle. She was so soft this morning. Every thrust from my fingers were slow and gentle. Unhurried. We had all the time in the world. Our “exile” had turned into a right little love nest, and the idea of that made me giggle. Right in the middle of sex. Okay then. I could have been embarrassed about that if it hadn’t been for the way Tanya laughed with me. She kissed me again, and I was sure I could feel her fingers tremble just the tiniest bit inside me. I rasped her name again, felt her fingers move again, and then my mind bluescreened and I felt nothing but pleasure....

My “exile” at Tanya’s hotel wasn’t as much of an exile as it was a very pleasurable vacation. So far, the “vacation” had lasted two days, and even though I knew there was a reason why we were doing this, we had to bust Fred, but I still couldn’t help but secretly wish that this would last just a little bit longer. 

Tanya and I stayed in bed for a criminally long time. Neither of us could get enough, and when we finally did get out of bed, Tanya joked that we needed another shower. One that we never took. Instead we got dressed. Me in yoga pants and a loose fitting tanktop. Tanya in jeans and a t-shirt. I wasn’t sure how she managed to make that look so good, but I did know that I envied that ability. And her ability to make a high ponytail seem glamorous. She smirked slightly when I told her that.

We stayed in the room and ordered room service when it became lunch time. French fries for me and a salad for Tanya. She couldn’t indulge in greasy food right now. Not when she had to shoot scenes in a few days. 

“Poor you,” I said sympathetically as I stuffed another French fry into her mouth. 

“I’ll survive,” she assured and then wrinkled her nose when she checked her vibrating phone. “Oh god.”

“What?” I asked and raised an eyebrow. 

“My Instagram is still blowing up,” she stated plainly. 

“Is it? Can I see?” I asked and turned my head, French fries long forgotten. 

“Sure,” she said lightly as she dumped her phone in my palm. I tilted my head as I looked at her Instagram. She was right, it was blowing up. I saw good comments and bad comments. Some of them made   
me so angry I wanted to hunt the person who wrote it down. But most of them made me smile. Especially the one I chose to read aloud to Tanya: “’I love my gay aunt so much!’ followed by crying emojis, obviously.” 

Tanya laughed a little. “Someone wrote that?”

“Oh yeah. They’re really taking the gay aunt thing seriously.”

“As they should,” she said simply. “I meant it.”

“It was a great way to end the interview,” I said softly. 

“Thank you,” she said as she shamelessly reached across me and nicked one of my French fries. 

“Hey!” I protested. 

She just laughed. “Problem?”

“Yeah. You stole my food.”

“Get used to it.”

I feigned annoyance, but I couldn’t hide my smile. Yeah, I could get used to Tanya stealing my food. In fact I’d be delighted to have her steal food from me on a regular basis. 

Come evening, Tanya and I followed through with our plans and headed down to the swimming pool. She did in fact own a bikini that fitted me. Ish. She claimed that it suited me, and that was enough for me. We had an exceptionally good time swimming around and sloshing water at each other. 

“We should do this more often,” Tanya said as she pushed her hair away from her face. 

“Definitely,” I agreed as I swam over to her and looped my arms around her neck. Her hand was cupping the back of my head and then she was kissing me. A completely different kiss from the last time I was in this pool. 

“I might have to go with you to New York,” I said when we came up for air. 

“And England?” she asked hopefully and sounded positively adorable. 

“Maybe,” I said softly. 

“Maybe I should beg your boss to give you some time off,” she joked. 

“She’d say yes,” I chuckled.

“You think so?”

“Oh yes. She thinks of you as some sort of queen...”

Tanya laughed. “That so?” her hands were on the small of my back now. 

“Oh yeah.”

“And what about you, Swanson? Do you see me as some sort of queen too?” she teased. 

“Careful, Goldstein. Your ego is getting the best of you,” I mock warned. 

She pushed out her bottom lip in mock disdain. “You break my heart, do you know that?”

“Oh yeah.” I kissed her again just to let her know how much I broke her heart. Her palms pressed against my back, and I wished that we had stayed upstairs instead. We should have done that. We   
definitely should have done that. 

After a moment or so, Tanya broke the kiss and admonished: “now, now. This is a pool. We better behave.” 

“You wanna swim some lengths instead?” I teased.

“That is what I normally do when I’m down here,” she said with a slight shrug. “My arms hurts just from thinking about it...”

I chuckled again. “I know you probably have a professional masseuse or something, but I’m pretty good at rubbing sore muscles...”

“Is that so?” she raised an eyebrow. “Well, in that case I think I might have to fire my masseuse and hire you instead.”

“Best. Job. Ever,” I laughed. 

“Or the hardest,” she threatened and then made a face when her phone began vibrating in the pocket of the dressing gown, she’d left on one of nearby chairs here. “Seriously?” she rolled her eyes.

“You think that’s another magazine?” I asked. 

“No, I think that’s my agent. She always calls me in the evening. And she never cares how late it is. Her record is two in the morning. Do you mind grabbing that for me?”

I stretched so I my fingers could only just reach the phone that was sticking out of the pocket of her dressing gown. I handed it to Tanya with a: “here you go.”

“Thanks, darling,” she half-joked before scolding her features into something more professional as she brought the phone up to her ear. “Hello?” she said and rested her upper body against the edge of the pool. “Hi, Josie. What’s up? Yes, I still have the manuscript for “Heiress”. No, I haven’t made a decision yet.” She frowned. “Okay? Well, that would be a damn shame. When does he want to meet? I’m   
shooting in New York in next week, so... he’s in Los Angeles until next month? Okay. Well, then I suppose I could meet up with him. On the twelfth?” she raised an eyebrow. “I can’t remember whether I have any appointments on the 12th, and I don’t have my calendar with me. Can I call you back tomorrow?” 

“I can go and grab it for you,” I quietly offered. 

Tanya put a hand over the phone and smiled at me. “Would you?”

“Yeah, sure,” I said briskly as I quickly hoisted myself out of the pool. “It’s on the bedside table, right?” 

“It is,” Tanya said impressed and snickered. “Maybe I should hire you as my personal assistant.”

“You’re funny. I’ll hurry,” I said as I walked over and grabbed the bathrobe, I had shed a bit earlier. 

“Thanks, darling,” she said huskily. 

“You sound like a movie star,” I informed her with a grin. 

“How fortunate.”

I chuckled as I left the swimming pool and headed into the elevator. I could handle being the errand girl for once, I thought to myself as I pushed the button. The door to the elevator slurped closed, and as it took me back to Tanya’s hotel room, I looked down at the floor and grinned at the little lake of water I had left on the floor. And would leave all over the pretty, cream carpet in Tanya’s hotel room. 

Ooops. I hoped the carpets at her own place weren’t cream colored. I couldn’t wait to see where Tanya lived. And I was gonna when all of this had blown over. When Fred had exposed himself, Tanya would take me to her place. And cook for me. Yep, she had said that. She would actually cook for me. She had told me that she made a mean spinach pie, and even though spinach wasn’t my favorite dish, I couldn’t wait for her to cook that for me. To spend an evening at her place instead of her hotel room. Spinach pie and a tour of her house. She had promised me that too. And I couldn’t wait. I was gonna see where my girlfriend lived. And I wanted to introduce Tanya to my parents as well. I had talked to her about that last night, and she had nodded and said that yes, of course she should meet my parents. As long as I didn’t expect to meet hers. That wasn’t something that could happen. I had to understand that. And I did. As far as I was concerned, Tanya’s parents didn’t deserve her. But my own parents... I chuckled to myself as I thought back to yesterday when my mom had called me, and I actually had picked up. She had screeched very loudly in my ear. She was a hardcore “Love Me Not”-fan, and she couldn’t quite comprehend that her daughter was dating “Celeste Bellamy”. I had carefully told her that I wasn’t dating Celeste Bellamy. I was dating Tanya Goldstein. Huge difference. My mother was shocked that I hadn’t told her before going public in Juicy Bits, and I had carefully explained the reason for our dramatic announcement. The illegally recorded file and following leak. My mother had cussed. At the person responsible for outing Tanya, and that had been so entertaining, I had ended up chatting to her for about a half an hour before hanging up and giving Tanya a full resume of the conversation. She’d laughed and stated that my mother sounded like a wonderful woman. I had assured her that she was, and in return Tanya had smiled and said that she couldn’t wait to meet her.

The elevator door opened with a slight slurping sound, and I snapped out of it and stepped out in the quiet hallway. I was on a quest. I couldn’t forget that. I had to find Tanya’s calendar and bring it back to her. That was my mission. 

I padded down the hallway and caught myself whistling quietly and falsely. It sounded terrible, but it nevertheless made me laugh. I felt awesome. I had a girlfriend. A perfect, wonderful, awesome girlfriend who I couldn’t have been more in love with even if I tried. A girlfriend who wanted me to come to England with her. And there was a very good chance I was gonna say yes. Because I wanted to come to England with her. I wanted to wake up next to her every morning. I wanted to kiss her goodnight before going to sleep. I should say yes. Maybe I could ask Ingrid if I could get some vacation. Was that cheeky? Yes. No one dared to ask Ingrid for vacation. And certainly not to go away with their girlfriend. I chuckled to myself but then grimaced when I realized what the alternative would be. That I would have to be without Tanya for eight weeks. Fuck, that was gonna be tough. But I was not gonna let her know that. Nu-uh. I could sense that she really wanted to do this movie but was hesitating because of me. I didn’t want to hold her back. If she wanted to do this movie, she should totally go for it. I would applaud her from afar. And we could skype every day. And maybe I could even come and visit her. An extended weekend kind of thing.

I stopped abruptly in my tracks when I realized that I had walked too far down the hallway and passed Tanya’s room. Oops. I snickered softly as I turned around and walked back in the same direction. 

Stupid Mara. Pay attention. I could probably have continued down the hallway. That’s how distracted I was. Now was not the time for that. Tanya was waiting for her calendar, and I wouldn’t mind impressing her a little with my speed and agility. I wasn’t just a pretty face. I chuckled again.

After a second I reached the right room and more or less flung it wide open, fully determined to rush in there, grab her calendar and then be out of there in a matter of seconds. But that didn’t happen. 

Instead I stopped abruptly on the threshold and stared at the person standing there by the bedside table and weighing Tanya’s bottle of medicine in their hand. My heart pounded against my ribs. This was definitely NOT a part of their job description. I had heard nothing from Tanya that indicated she needed her medicine taken care of. She would have told me, I was sure of that.

“Why are you in here?” I asked sharply. “That’s Tanya’s medicine. What are you doing with it?”

Beth turned around to face me. She looked sweet as always in her pink dress, but the look on her face was far from sweet. The professional, warm smile had been replaced with a look of utter disgust. 

“I asked you a question!” I barked. “What are you doing with Tanya’s medicine?”

Beth weighted the bottle of pills in her hand for a moment before setting it down on the bedside table again. She smoothened a hand over her dress and sneered at me. There was a moment where none of us said anything. I could feel my pulse hammering somewhere in my head. 

Then she spoke. And her voice was so far from the voice I knew. “Why didn’t Tanya just get rid of you when that file went viral? It would have made things so much easier...”


	32. At The End Of The Day

I stared at her and tried to close my mouth as things dawned upon me. Sweet Beth. Sweet Beth with the warm smile. Beth in her pink dresses. Beth with her barbie-white teeth and clear blue eyes. Beth who always radiated professionalism and efficiency. How was this even possible?!

“It was you,” I said. 

Beth didn’t confirm nor deny that. She just smiled. A smile that was so far from her sweet, professional one. This one was ice cold and told the tale of a very unsteady person.

I stared at her for a split second before “waking up” and stomping over to the bedside table and snatching the two bottles containing Tanya’s medicine away from Beth’s hands. 

She laughed coldly, and the sound send chills down my spine. I looked at her again. I seriously could not believe this. How could she be the one behind this? It was supposed to be Fred. He had been our prime suspect all this time. I hadn’t even begun to consider that it could be somebody else. 

“Surprised?” Beth asked coldly and laughed. 

“It can’t be,” I said quietly and dumbly. Of course it was. I had just caught her in the act, but the naïve little part of me couldn’t stop thinking about how nice she’d been.

Beth laughed again.

I weighted the medicine bottles in my hands and as I did so, something dawned on me. “You... You were standing outside the door when Tanya and I were talking this morning!” I was sure of that. We had been talking about Tanya’s mental health and medication, and now I had caught Beth fiddling with Tanya’s medicine. That was not a coincidence. 

Beth smiled and didn’t confirm nor deny that. “You should have stayed away,” she said in an alarmingly sweet voice. 

Another chill ran down my spine. “Why?” I asked. “Why the hell are you doing this?”

She practically scoffed at that. “You’re not good enough for Tanya.”

I stared at her. Still unable to fully grasp what I was witnessing here. “But I’m guessing that you are?”

Beth smiled dreamily, and I realized that she wasn’t just unstable. She had snapped. Lost it completely. “I fell in love with Tanya the moment I saw her,” she said, and her eyes clouded over with something that made me take a step backwards in disgust. Watching her practically getting aroused about Tanya was unsettling to say the least.

“I felt the connection immediately during my job interview,” Beth continued and there was that creepy smile again. “The way she smiled at me and leaned forward when I spoke... she was so interested in me, I could tell. Practically flirting with me. God, you have no idea how happy that made me! You see, I’ve been admiring Tanya for a very, very long time, and with this job.... I finally got the chance to be close to her.”

I had to bite my tongue not to tell her that she was insane. 

“I became the most important person in her life,” Beth continued almost gently. “I was the one she came to. I planned all her appointments, I fetched her lunch and took her where she needed to go. I even took care of her cat. We essentially shared the cat.” She chuckled. “Doesn’t that sound like the perfect relationship to you?”

I stared at her. Felt tempted to shake my head or say something biting to her, but that seemed like a very bad idea. There wasn’t any way of telling whether she was carrying any weapons or not. 

“I made sure that she was happy and in return....” Beth shook her head a little and couldn’t stop smiling. “I was rewarded with her gratitude. The only thing I could ever ask for. A “thank you, Beth” could easily make my entire day.” she sighed yearningly. 

I felt disgusted once again. “But Tanya.... she knew me before you even started working for her.”

Beth’s blue eyes clouded over with anger. “You were insignificant, don’t you see? Just a nosy little reporter trying to get a scoop. I figured that it wouldn’t be long before Tanya looked right through you.”

“You are-“

“But to my surprise, that didn’t happen,” she interrupted me. “And I couldn’t believe it. Tanya isn’t stupid, so how couldn’t she see how bad you were for her?”

“I am not bad for her!”

“Of course you are,” Beth said almost lightly. “I knew that right from the get go, but you know what really got me?” she didn’t wait for an answer, and her voice trembled as she continued: “that morning when she snapped at me in the hallway.”

“What morning?”

She ignored that. “She admitted that she had forgotten to take her medicine. Because of YOU. You had distracted her. You had made her forget such a crucial part of her routine. Don’t you understand what can happen if she forgets to take her medicine? Are you really that selfish?!”

I opened my mouth, but no words came out. 

“That’s when I knew I had to keep a close eye on you,” Beth said almost briskly. “You were obviously just trying to sabotage her, I knew that. And I was right. I saw her take unnecessary risks for you. Go to a public restaurant wearing a stupid disguise and without a bodyguard. Going to your apartment unaccompanied. Tanya is vulnerable, and you manipulated her into doing stupid things.”

“I did not! She did those things because she wanted to!”

She ignored me. “The poor thing was clearly bewitched by you and not in a state where she could see what you were really trying to do. But luckily, I could. And I knew something had to be done about you. Something that would make Tanya wake up and realize what kind of person you really were.” She giggled to herself. “So I waited. I kept my head down and watched how you manipulated the woman I loved, and it was so, so difficult not to do something to you right then and there! But I was patient. And it paid off.”

“You bitch!”

“It was almost too easy when Tanya asked me to bring your phone back to you,” Beth continued and ignored the insult. “There was the opportunity I had been waiting for, and it was served to me on a golden platter! All I had to do was to push a tiny little button. Like I said, too easy.”

“How did you get access to my email account?!”

“Oh, that was easy,” she waved me off. ‘Delila1992’? Everyone chooses the name of their first pet and their birth year. Choose a harder password next time. I’m pretty good at guessing.”

“You mean hacking!” I spat. “What you’ve done is fucking illegal!”

She let out another chilling cackle. “Next part was pretty easy too. All I had to do was to ‘hack’ into your phone and gain access to the audio file. And send it to myself. The things I heard when I played that recording,” she sighed. “I could have listened to Tanya forever...”

I swallowed hard and felt my vision redden. Beth had heard the recording. All those special moments that had belonged to Tanya and I now also belonged to Beth. It made me sick to my stomach.

“There were so many parts of that recording I could have chosen to send,” Beth continued. “So many parts that would have made the public go wild, but I couldn’t do that to Tanya. I couldn’t scandalize her like that. This wasn’t about her, it was about you.”

“Really?” I practically snorted. “Then how do you explain the conflict you caused between her and her parents when you send that audio file?”

Beth scoffed. “I was doing her a favor. Her parents are toxic people. Tanya doesn’t need those in her life.”

“They are her fucking parents, and you!-“ I was fuming. “You fucking outed her! You probably knew how difficult things has been and you still chose to-“

“I did her a favor,” Beth repeated. “I knew she would never dare to come out on her own. If I did it for her, she would never have to do it. And if she thought you were the one behind it...”

“Let me guess, she would turn to you for comfort?!” I spat sarcastically. 

“Who else? I was the one who had been there for her no matter what. Her constant support. Her shoulder to lean on. And when the time was right...” another disgusting yearning sigh. “She would realize that what she’d been looking for had been right here all the time. And she would start to see things the way I see them. That her being out in public is a good thing because it means that she and I can be together without it being a secret. The perfect relationship. There isn’t the thing I wouldn’t do for her. I would be there to fulfill her every need. Emotionally and...physically.” Her smile grew sinister. “I’d be far better at that than you. I’ve envisioned it so many times. Her in my arms, my mouth on-“

“You are out of your fucking mind!” I interrupted. I had heard enough. “Tanya doesn’t love you!”

“Perhaps not yet. But she will.”

“No, she won’t. You betrayed her! Don’t you understand what that means?! You betrayed her trust and mine! You’ve leaked illegally recorded files!”

“I did it for her!”

“You did it for yourself, you stupid bitch! You did it to turn me against her!”

“You’re not good enough for Tanya.”

“Have you asked her that?!” I spat. “Or have you perhaps considered the fact that she’s in love with me? And I, with her!”

Beth laughed coldly. “Why would Tanya fall for someone like you?!”

I had been wondering about that myself. “Why don’t you ask her that instead of making crazy assumptions?!”

Beth moved so she suddenly was standing closer to me. “You’re not good enough for her! You don’t know her the way I do! No one will ever do as much for her as I have! The only thing you’ll do, is ruin her! But I won’t let that happen, do you hear me?! I will not let you come between Tanya and I!” she reached for me, tried to grab me, but before she could, and even before I could duck or lash out at her, the door was opened and Tanya stepped inside with the words: “what is taking you...” she stopped talking when she spotted Beth. “What the hell is going on?”

“She was tampering with your medicine, Tanya!” Beth shrieked whilst pointing to the pill bottles in my hands. “I came in here and caught her in the act!” 

“That is not true!” I said sharply. “It was the other way around! I came in here to grab your calendar, and I found her with your medicine! She was the one who did it. The one who did all of it. Tanya, she outed you! It wasn’t Fred!”

Tanya gaped as she looked from me to Beth. “W-what? What?!”

“It’s true,” I said. “She just told me the whole story!”

“She’s lying!” Beth spat as she glared at me. “Why would I ever do something like that?” she turned to Tanya and flashed her something that probably should look like a soothing smile. “You know I’d never   
do anything to hurt you, Tanya. Never. Mara is the one who causes pain. Mara leaked that file, and Mara is the one who’s standing with the medicine bottles in her hands right now. She’s the guilty one, not I.”

“Step away from her,” Tanya said flatly. 

Beth smiled triumphantly at me. “That’s right. You heard her. Get away from me.”

“No, Beth. No,” Tanya said quietly and shook her head. “I’m talking to you. Step away from Mara.”

“I’ve done nothing wrong!” Beth hissed, eyes wild as she looked at Tanya. “I’d never do anything to cause you pain!”

“I’m not gonna tell you a second time,” Tanya said just as quietly, and I saw something in her eyes. Pity. 

“But she’s the one who’s caused you harm!” Beth screeched as she lifted a trembling finger and pointed at me. “She’s the one who can’t be trusted! You know I would never do anything to upset you.” She took a step towards Tanya. 

“Don’t come closer to her!” I barked. I didn’t for real think that she had a weapon hidden in her dress, but she still had her hands, and that was enough if you wanted to cause harm. 

She ignored me and took another step towards Tanya. “I love you, Tanya,” she said and the look in her eyes was sickening. I felt like I was going to throw up. She had just said “I love you” to Tanya. Three life-changing words. Three life-changing words that had been burning on my tongue. Those three words were supposed to mean something beautiful, and now I was afraid that I would always connect them with Beth and the crazed look in her eyes. 

“Why can’t you see how bad she is for you?” Beth continued and her voice trembled. “She can’t give you anything, but I...I can give you everything, Tanya!”

“Why did you leak that file?” Tanya asked plainly. 

“I did it for you,” Beth said almost sweetly. “I knew you’d never come out on your own, I knew I had to help you! It was the only way we could be together! You wouldn’t have to hide who you really are. Don’t you understand?”

“I understand a lot,” Tanya said quietly. 

Beth clearly took that as a sign that Tanya believed her. She smiled her crazed smile again. “I had to give you a little push. And I had to make you wake up and realize what she-“ she pointed at me with a trembling finger. “Is capable of! She made you forget to take your medicine! She made you take stupid risks like going out without having someone with you! You could have been attacked by fans or reporters!” she puffed out her chest. “I was just trying to keep you safe, Tanya! I’d do anything for you. Anything...” she took another step towards Tanya. “I love you. We’re supposed to be together, Tanya...” 

The bottles of medicine fell to the floor with a clatter as I abruptly moved so I was standing between her and Tanya. “You’re not coming any closer,” I warned. 

“You shouldn’t even be here!” she yelled. “Why couldn’t you just let it be with the interview and then leave Tanya and I alone! You’ve ruined everything!”

“Back off!”

She took another step towards us. 

“I am not messing around!” I warned her and glanced around after something I could use to emphasize my words. My gaze fell on the lamp standing on the vanity. The body of the lamp was made of brass and was pretty heavy and sturdy. In the blink of an eye, I reached out and snatched the lamp. Holding it up in front of me I warned: “I’m not kidding, Beth! If you take another step closer, you’ll give me no choice but to use this!”

“You wouldn’t dare!” she mocked me and laughed in my face.

“Keep testing me, and you’ll find out!”

“You need help, Beth,” Tanya said softly. She had adopted a calm, gentle voice and it most of all sounded like she was trying to calm a frightened animal and not a seriously delusional woman.

“I need y-you,” Beth said, and I could see tears springing in her eyes. 

“I know you do,” Tanya said gently. “I know, honey.” As she spoke, she discreetly reached out and gave my free hand two, light squeezes, and I immediately understood what those squeezes meant. Play along. 

“Stand aside, Mara,” she coolly continued, and I lowered my improvised weapon. Tanya walked past me, and as she did, she gave the subtlest of glances towards the pocket in her dressing gown. I immediately got the hint and discreetly thrusted my hand inside the pocket and fished out her phone. Beth’s eyes were only on Tanya. She didn’t notice what we were doing. 

“We’re done,” Tanya said to me with so much coldness I almost shivered. “Because you know what? Beth’s right. You’re not good for me.”

I knew that she was acting and giving me the time to hide the phone behind the lamp, but the words still stung a bit. I did my best to play along. “Tanya, I-“

“You heard her!” Beth screeched. “She doesn’t want anything to do with you anymore!”

Tanya flashed Beth a smile. “Thank you, Beth. Thank you for making me see things the way they really are,” she said as she fearlessly walked over to the unstable woman and extended her hands out towards her. 

Beth immediately took her hands and a slight gasp escaped her when their skin touched. 

“Everything will be okay now, honey,” Tanya assured as she cupped Beth’s cheeks. “Now we’re finally together, aren’t we?”

Beth gasped again, and then she without further ado flung herself into Tanya’s arms. Tanya tethered for a moment, but it didn’t take her long to regain her balance and composure. She wrapped an arm around Beth and stroked her hair with her free hand. 

“You.... You love me!” Beth said ragged and I could see her knuckles turning white as she clutched at Tanya’s bathrobe. I was afraid she was gonna try to rip it off Tanya. If she as much as tried, I wouldn’t hesitate to clog her over the head with the lamp. 

Tanya didn’t answer her. She just kept stroking Beth’s hair. “Everything will be okay now, honey. Just you wait and see. It’ll all be good.” She looked at me over Beth’s shoulder and mouthed: ‘Fred. We need Fred.’

I gave the tiniest little nod and unlocked her phone. Clicked into her text messages and found a conversation between her and Fred. I added to the conversation as I quickly wrote: “emergency.”. just that. Tanya had told me that that was the only word Fred needed in order to show up with “the big guns out” as she put it. I wasn’t sure what that meant, but I was grateful that Tanya’s phone was on silent as I send the text. I slipped the phone into the pocket of my own dressing gown and looked at Tanya. She gave a very slight nod and motioned for me to get away from the closed door. As discreetly as I could,   
I moved away from the door.

‘Lamp down,’ Tanya mouthed, and I just as quickly understood that. If Fred saw me with the lamp raised, he would reach the wrong conclusion and go for the wrong person. As much as I hated it, I had to lower my weapon. I sat the lamp down again, and that prompted Beth to look up. “Leave!” she spat. “You have no business being here! Tell her, Tanya!”

Tanya seemed to consider it for a moment, and I tipped my chin up. I wasn’t gonna leave this room no matter what. That much was certain. 

“It’s okay,” Tanya said after a moment. “Fred will come and throw her out in a moment. Don’t worry.”

“I’ll make her leave!” Beth said and made an attempt at untangling herself from Tanya.

But Tanya only held tighter onto her. “No! I... I don’t want you to leave me! I want you by my side.”

“Oh,” Beth completely melted at that. “Of course! I won’t ever leave you, Tanya. I love you!” she cupped Tanya’s cheeks.

Everything suddenly happened very fast. She kissed Tanya, Tanya fought against the kiss and struggled to get Beth to let her go, and I let out a ferocious roar and lunged at Beth. I let out another roar as I yanked her backwards, away from Tanya. “You get the fuck away from her!” I yelled.

Beth shrieked and stumbled backwards. Her eyes were black with anger, and the delusion was etched onto her face. “How dare you come between me and Tanya!” she screamed. “I’ll make sure it’s the last thing you ever do!” her gaze flickered towards the lamp I had just sat down. 

“Oh, no you don’t!” I hissed. We both reached for it at the same time, but before either of us could get the chance to grab it, the door was flung open and Fred stormed inside. He glanced between Beth and I who were both halfway towards the lamp. He was clearly unsure which one of us he was supposed to defuse. 

“She tried to attack me!” Beth shrieked. “And Tanya! She’s crazy!”

“That is not true!” I yelled to be louder than her. “She’s the crazy one! She’s the one behind all of this! She leaked the audio fil-“

“How dare you!” Beth was screaming now. “I’ve only tried to protect Tanya from people like-“

“Shut up, the both of you,” Fred gruffly interrupted. He glared at both of us before turning to Tanya. “Miss Goldstein, What is going on? Are you unharmed?”

I too turned my attention to Tanya, and I noted that she had paled considerably. There was a smear of Beth’s horrible pink lipstick on her lips, and I felt sick all over again.

“Miss Goldstein?” Fred repeated. “Are you alright? Which one of these two women should I take away?”

“I-“ Tanya’s voice broke and she had to clear her throat before trying again: “Mara is telling the truth. Beth is indeed the one who leaked the audio file. Please take her away.”

Fred’s eyes narrowed as he turned to Beth. “I see. You better come with me.”

But Beth had no intention to go quietly. “She’s lying!” she yelped as she pointed at me. “And she has manipulated miss Goldstein into believing her! She’s toxic! She’s the one you should be removing, not me!”

Fred had zero patience with her bullshit. “That’s enough,” he said sharply as he walked over to her and grabbed her by the arm. “Miss Goldstein has asked me to remove you, so that’s exactly what I’ll do!   
Now come along!”

“She’s lying, she’s lying!” Beth screamed and squirmed to get away from the strong grip. “I’d never to anything to endanger miss Goldstein! Tell him, Tanya! Tell him that I-“

“Be. Quiet,” Fred said plainly as he dragged her towards the door. “You’re coming with me.”

“No! NO!” Beth squirmed more than ever, and her eyes seemed too big for her face. “Tanya! Tanya, I love you! Don’t let him do this!” 

Tanya didn’t react to the declaration of love in anyway. She just stood motionless as Fred dragged the screaming Beth out of the room. He slammed the door shut behind him, and the sound almost made me jump. I snapped out of my temporary trance and rushed over to Tanya. “Oh my god! Are you alright?!”

“I am,” she nodded.

“She kissed you!”

“I know. I was there.” she wiped her mouth with the back of her hand and grimaced. 

I shook my head repeatedly. “I can’t believe it. She seemed so....”

“Nice,” Tanya dully finished the sentence. “Yes, I know. That old saying about watching out for the quiet ones clearly remains. She fooled both of us. And she clearly knew that we were suspecting Fred and took advantage of that. She’s good, I’ll give her that.”

I couldn’t concentrate on what she was saying. “She fucking kissed you! I swear, I’m gonna-“

“Were you really gonna hit her with that lamp?” Tanya interrupted and I saw the hint of a smile on her lips. 

“Uhm, yeah, I wasn’t planning on letting her getting any closer to you!”

Tanya smiled as she reached out and touched my cheek. “That was very ballsy of you. I’ve never had anyone willing to smash someone with a lamp for me before.”

“Yeah, well, I hope I won’t have to actually do it, but if it ever becomes necessary, I totally would.”

She chuckled and cupped my cheek more properly. “I don’t know why, but I find that to be awfully sexy.”

I chuckled too but only for a moment. “Are you sure you’re okay?”

“Oh yes.” She wiped her mouth again. “Though I did not see that kiss coming. I did not appreciate that.”

“Neither did I!”

Tanya grimaced a bit in response. “I think I’ll go and brush my teeth. Are you okay on your own for a moment?”

“I’m fine. I have my faithful lamp,” I did my best to joke, but my throat felt pretty dry. 

She laughed mercifully at my weak-ass attempt at joking as she went into the bathroom, and a moment later I heard the water being switched on and then the sound of a toothbrush. 

Completely drained I sat down on the edge of the bed and tried to comprehend what had just happened. I closed my eyes and hid my face in my hands in an attempt to fully grasp this new development. 

Beth had been the one to leak the audio file. Sweet, innocent, professional Beth . She had been in love with Tanya and had hated my guts. Fuck, I could barely believe it! I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. That bitch had kissed Tanya! And I had come dangerously close to actually whacking her over the head with a fucking lamp! If I hadn’t been so shook up, I could have laughed about the absurdity. 

And the fact that it hadn’t just been an empty threat. If Fred hadn’t shown up when he did, I would a hundred percent have whacked her. That lamp had been heavy. If I really had been forced to hit Beth with it, god knows what would have happened to her. Thank god for Fred and the way he was so quick to show up. I quietly shook my head. I felt guilty. I had been so sure he was the one behind the leak, and now he had pretty much saved our asses. I felt tempted to go find him and give him an apology for all the nasty, horrible things I had been thinking about him for the past few days. That poor man. All he ever did was minding his job, and this was how I repaid him? Maybe I was the one who deserved to be whacked in the head with a lamp. I shook my head. Fucking Beth! Fuck her and fucking, sweet smile! Fuck her bubblegum-pink-barbie doll dresses and fuck her efficiency. Fuck her ability to take me completely by surprise. And most of all.... Fuck her for kissing my girlfriend! If I ever saw Beth’s face again, I wouldn’t settle for just threatening her with the fucking lamp. I would whack her with it. Repeatedly. And feel good about it.

I was seething with anger as I sat there and rubbed my face harshly as though I was trying to wipe the image of Beth stealing a kiss from Tanya. Beth had been right under my nose all the time. She had probably known that Tanya and I were suspecting Fred, and I was sure she had taken advantage of that. Of course she had. She was cunning, I knew that now. Cunning and obsessed with Tanya. And I hadn’t sensed shit. I should have been able to. I should have seen more than professionalism in the smiles she flashed Tanya. I should have sensed that something wasn’t right with her. She had been too nice. Too sweet too...

My eyes snapped open when I realized something. She had been watching Genevieve. Fuck. There was no doubt in my mind that Beth was a hundred percent unstable. And if she could kiss Tanya against her will, what else could she do? Oh god, what if she had done something to Genevieve?! The infamous “bunny boiler”-scene from “Fatal Attraction” flickered before my inner eye as I jumped up from the bed. I nearly tripped over the bottles of medicine still lying on the floor, but I barely noticed it. Tanya loved her cat. And if Beth had done something to Genevieve in a moment of madness...

I didn’t even think about it. I simply flung the door open and rushed down the hallway towards Beth’s room where Genevieve typically stayed when she wasn’t with Tanya. All sorts of nasty images flickered past my inner eye as I ran down the hallway on my rescue mission. After having seen the madness in Beth’s eyes, it was frighteningly easy to imagine that she had done something horrible to   
Tanya’s beloved cat. 

I sprinted down the hallway and nearly throttled one of the hotel clerks in my eagerness, but I was entirely too busy to even begin to think about stopping and apologizing. Instead I continued my mad dash down the hallway until I reached the door that lead it into the room Beth had been living in. I stopped abruptly and nearly tripped in the carpet. I took a deep and calming breath. Said a silent little prayer to whatever god up there. And then I flung the door open. 

I had never been very big on cats. I had actually always thought that all cats were little assholes. There had been numerous occasions where I had to stop abruptly and cuss because some damn cat had chosen to ran out in front of my car and I wasn’t interested in hitting the animal. So yeah, I had always thought that all cats were selfish little assholes, and I felt indifferent about them at best. But indifferent was just about the last thing I felt as I stood in the doorway and looked at the sleeping Genevieve. She was completely unharmed, and I couldn’t help the stupid smile spreading on my lips as I looked at her. She was lying curled up on the bed, sleeping peacefully. Thank. God. Words couldn’t even begin to express how relieved I was. My legs felt like jelly as I half-wobbled over the threshold and over to the bed. Genevieve woke and looked up at me with her blue eyes. I reached out and touched her fuzzy head. “You’re okay.”

“Meow,” Genevieve said sleepily, and I laughed in sheer relief. Beth hadn’t harmed her. The cat was just fine. And clearly not super excited to see me. But I couldn’t have cared less about that. “Come here,”   
I said as I with some trouble lifted the heavy cat up from the bed. “I’ll take your back to your mom.”

Genevieve didn’t seem overly chuffed about being moved from the comfortable bed, but at least she didn’t hiss. 

I probably looked like an idiot as walked down the hallway, carrying an enormous cat and only wearing a swim suit and a bathrobe, but did I care? Nope. My main focus was to get Genevieve back to Tanya’s room asap. She shouldn’t be hanging out in Beth’s room a minute longer. I wouldn’t allow it. 

When I came back to Tanya’s hotel room, she was standing there and looking a bit confused. But she smiled when she spotted me. “Oh, there you are. I thought I had to report you as missing.”

I chuckled slightly. “No need for that. I’m right here.”

“I can see that,” she nodded and raised an eyebrow as she looked at Genevieve. “And...?” 

“I got paranoid,” I admitted as I adjusted the heavy cat in my arms. I felt a bit stupid now. “I suddenly got the idea that Beth had done something to her. I don’t know why, I suppose that I just-“

“Oh my god,” Tanya interrupted, and her eyes widened. “I didn’t even think of that! Is she okay?!”

“She’s fine, she’s fine,” I quickly assured as Tanya rushed over to me and ran her fingers over Genevieve’s soft coat like I had done a moment ago. “No harm has come to her.” 

“Thank god!” Tanya breathed a sigh of relief and then smiled at me. “You were worried about her.”

I shrugged as best as I could whilst carrying the cat. “Yeah, I mean, I know how much you love her, so-“ I wasn’t allowed to finish. Before I could, Tanya was kissing me. Full on the lips and with her hands clasped on the back of my neck. I returned the kiss and momentarily forgot that I was holding a cat. But Genevieve wasn’t at all satisfied with being squashed between us. She hissed in warning, and Tanya and I had no other choice but to stop kissing. 

“Did we just have a “Breakfast at Tiffany” moment?” I asked stupidly. 

“No,” Tanya chuckled as she took Genevieve from me. “We need rain and an alley and cheesy background music.”

“You’re right,” I laughed. “My mistake.”

She smirked slightly as she cuddled Genevieve into her chest. "I have never found you to be sexier than I do right now."

"Oooh," I mock swooned for a second but then grew serious again. “How are you feeling?”

“You’ve already asked me that.”

“And you didn’t really answer.”

Tanya ran her fingers through Genevieve’s soft fur. “I feel like I’ve been kissed against my will, okay? And while that was extremely uncomfortable, kissing you helped a great deal. And I also feel betrayed and angry and ashamed because I pointed the finger at the wrong person.”

“Yeah, me too,” I nodded. “But how were we supposed to know? She seemed so...”

“Nice,” Tanya finished the sentence and sighed. “First Steph and now this. I clearly have a bad track record with my personal assistants. I’ll hire someone older the next time.” 

She clearly wanted me to laugh, so I did. “Yeah.” 

Tanya chuckled too and looked like she was about to add to the joke when there was a knock on the door. 

“Come in,” Tanya said. 

Fred stepped inside the room and looked every bit professional as he said: “miss Goldstein, Beth Montgomery has been brought into custody where she will be questioned by the police. Is there anything else I can do for you?”

“Yes, actually,” Tanya said. She let Genevieve jump down on the floor and then she crouched down and picked up the bottles of medicine. “Beth was holding these when Mara came in. I’d like you to get them checked out and make sure that they actually contain lamotrigine and lithium and not....something else.” She handed both bottles to Fred. 

“I’ll take care of that, miss Goldstein,” he assured. He nodded once and then left the hotel room with the bottles of medicine in hand. 

I felt enraged all over. “You think she has messed with the medicine?!”

“No, but I prefer to be sure,” Tanya said simply and adjusted her bathrobe slightly. Then she looked at me and grinned. “Now this is something I wouldn’t mind the public to find out about.”

“What is?” I asked a bit confused. 

She let out another smoky laughter. “I can already see the headlines. ‘Actress victim of insane stalker, saved by heroic girlfriend...’”

I couldn’t laugh. Not really. “I saved you too late. She fucking kissed you!”

Tanya wrapped an arm around me. “I’m fine, Mara. Don’t worry.”

“I should have whacked her!”

“I’m glad you didn’t. As heroic as it sounds, whacking people with lamps isn’t a part of your job description.” She gave me a little squeeze. “But I’m glad you came up here when you did. God knows what she would have done to my medicine if you hadn’t stopped her...”

“Actually, I prefer not to know,” I said and shivered slightly. 

“Good point,” Tanya acknowledged and smiled as she looked down at Genevieve who now was rubbing her head against her ankles. “You know, she hates anyone except me lifts her.”

“Huh. I guess she must like me then.” 

Tanya smiled dazzlingly at me. “I have a feeling she might....” Then she kissed me again, and this time, we weren't interrupted...

Things were taken care of during the next couple of days. 

Two officers came to the hotel to take statements from both me and Tanya. I told things exactly like they had happened. That I had come into the hotel room and had found Beth with Tanya’s medicine. I explained that she had told me everything, her sick reasons for outing Tanya to the public, her infatuation with Tanya. My voice had trembled with anger when I told the two officers about how Beth had kissed Tanya. Of course I had also told them about the lamp. That I had threatened Beth with it but never actually struck her. And lastly, how Fred had come in and interrupted the scuffle and taken Beth away. 

Tanya told the same story, but her face remained completely neutral when she confirmed that Beth had kissed her without her consent. I had squeezed her hand under the table. 

The officers had called it “a done deal”. Beth was charged with illegally recording a conversation and sending it to the magazines. She was also charged with assault. Hush-Hush and Snitch were charged with publishing illegally recorded material, and as far as I knew, sales of magazines from either had dropped dramatically. 

And me? Well, I was more or less drowning in phone calls from reporters. All of them wanted an interview with “Tanya’s girlfriend”, but I kept saying no. I was done appearing in public. At least for a while. 

Until the Golden Globe awards show. My second public appearance. I was nervous, but if I could consider to whack someone over the head with a lamp, I could also handle to walk the red carpet with my girlfriend. My girlfriend....Yeah, I was still getting used to that term. 

Tanya’s medicine was thoroughly tested, but it turned out that Beth hadn’t been tampering with the pills. But what her intention had been, remained unclear. She refused to answer. To anything, really. Her tactic was to clam up like an oyster. Which only look her all the more guilty in my opinion. And in Tanya’s. And Fred’s. Apart from him and Tanya, no one knew about our little heart wrenching confrontation with Beth. Well, except for Angie. I had told her, and she had stared in disbelief. Then cursed Beth straight to hell. And finally laughed and asked if she would have to hide the lamps in our apartment. I told her that wouldn’t be necessary. There weren’t anymore stalkers out there. And I hoped that there never would be. One had been more than enough. Once the police had left, Tanya’s calm façade had dropped, and she had revealed that she actually was pretty shook up about what had happened. We had stayed up until very late and just talked that night. Me, her and Genevieve. The cat had laid between us and glared at me every time I was bold enough to touch Tanya. She had found that to be pretty amusing. But in the same breath, she had reminded Genevieve to get used to it. I was gonna be around a lot from now on. Unfortunately, I couldn’t go with her to New York. Not this time. But I was sure there would be other trips. One of them being to the southern England. If Tanya decided to say yes to starring in “Heiress”, I would go with her to England. I wasn’t sure how exactly, but I would figure it out and wing it. Like I always did. 

But before the trip to England, a shorter trip awaited me. A trip that would start when Tanya came and picked me up in a moment. Tonight I was finally gonna see her place in Beverly Hills, and I was quite excited about that. I had started to think that this mysterious home didn’t exist, and I had teased her about that. In return she had warned me that she would never sleep with me again, and I had smirked and done my best Clueless impression when I said: “As if!”. And then we had both laughed. 

And now I was standing by the window and waiting impatiently. Tanya was running late, and I tried not to check my phone repeatedly. 

“Are you seriously lurking by the window?” Angie laughed as she passed me. 

“No,” I lied. “I’m just...admiring the view.” 

“You are totally waiting impatiently for Taaaaaanya.”

“Shut up. And stop pronouncing her name like that.”

“Why? That’s the way SHE pronounces it.”

I frowned. “It is?” 

“Mhmm. Maybe you didn’t notice because you were too busy staring into her eyes...”

“I’ll throw a lamp at you.”

Angie laughed as she held up a hand in mock surrender. “Mercy! Please!”

“Only if you stop being an idiot.”

“Rude! Tanya should teach you some better manners!”

“Shut up,” I said and whapped her arm.

Angie laughed. “So, how does it feel to be publicly out?”

“I don’t know yet,” I said and shrugged lightly. “Ask me once I’ve been to the Golden Globe show.”

“Oh my god, you’re actually going to the Golden Globe award!” Angie shook her head. “I might spot you when I watch it on television!”

I chuckled. “Maybe.”

“Are you gonna kiss her if she wins?” Angie asked and tilted her head slightly.

“Yes,” I said simply. “She’s been force fed enough nonsense about homosexuality is a sin. Damn right I’m gonna kiss her if she wins. I’m gonna show her that I’m proud of her, and I hope her stupid parents will be watching it!”

“You’d walk through fire for her, wouldn’t you?” Angie asked casually. 

“Well, I did almost whack her stalker with a lamp, so I think it’s pretty safe to say that my loyalty is unwavering,” I said just as casually. Then we giggled like children. 

“Mara Swanson, professional lamp whacker,” Angie joked. 

“Mmm, something more to add to my already growing cv.” 

Angie laughed again and then looked out of the window over my shoulder. “Woops, looks like your carriage is here!”

I turned around and followed her gaze. She was right. The red Buick had just pulled up on the parking lot.

“Are you not gonna go out there?” Angie asked and gave me a nudge. 

“In a sec,” I said distractedly. I couldn’t very well explain to her that I liked to watch Tanya exit cars. It would sound weird. Maybe it WAS weird, but Tanya had a particular, elegant way of exiting a car.   
Maybe she had learned it in some acting class. I would have to ask her about it someday. 

I wasn’t disappointed this time either. After a moment I saw the door to the drivers seat open, and Tanya emerged. One stiletto clad foot made contact with the pavement. A smooth, creamy white leg appeared. The other. And the rest of Tanya. She was wearing a pinstriped suit with a white blouse underneath. The three first buttons had been left open and created a rather magnificent effect. Her hair was hanging loose and curly down her back, and her eyes had been hidden by a pair of large and glamorous sunglasses. 

“Jesus,” Angie muttered. “Who’s she trying to impress?”

“I don’t know,” I said without taking my eyes off of her. She didn’t have to impress me. I was already impressed. And fucking underdressed. But that was fine. Later on, she would be the one to be......”Underdressed”. 

Angie gave me another nudge. “Go to her! She’s waiting for you, you idiot!”

“Look,” I said and chuckled as I nodded towards the window. 

Angie came over to the window again and together we watched as a man, probably in his mid-thirties stopped and did a double take when he spotted Tanya. After a second he walked over to her and said something. Unfortunately we couldn’t hear what, but I could see Tanya nod and lower her sunglasses as though she was confirming the guy’s suspicion. I chuckled again as I saw the guy whip out his phone and clearly ask something again. Tanya nodded and took of her sunglasses as the guy moved to stand next to her. He held up his phone and Tanya gave her best Hollywood-smile as he took a selfie of them. They chatted for a couple of minutes and then the guy walked off whilst looking at his phone. I was pretty sure he was in the process of uploading the picture on Instagram. 

“Okay, but how the fuck are you ever gonna get used to that?” Angie asked and shook her head slightly. 

“I don’t know. But I’ll try,” I snickered. Yes, I would definitely try!

“She knows you’re lurking,” Angie warned. 

She was right. Tanya was indeed looking up at me, and the second I looked back, she lifted a hand and made a “come here”-motion. 

“I guess that’s my cue,” I snickered as I turned away from the window and walked over and grabbed my “weekend-bag”. “See you on Sunday.” Tanya was going to New York on Monday, so we didn’t have   
that much time together, but I tried not to let that bother me. Two days was a fucking luxury. 

“See you,” Angie said and smirked. “Don’t scare her neighbors.”

“Ask Cooper to be your boyfriend.”

“Touché. Get out of here!”

I laughed as I slung the bag over my shoulder and left the apartment and began the walk down the stairs. The elevator was out of order, but I wasn’t even bothered by it.

Tanya was still standing by her car when I came out on the parking lot. She scowled slightly when she spotted me. “You kept me waiting.”

“I did,” I confirmed with a grin.

She rolled her eyes. “You’re lucky I like you. Now come on. Let’s get going.”

“Alright, alright, miss impatient.”

“That is not my name.”

“No, your name is Taaaanya,” I teased. 

A well-sculped eyebrow rose toward her hairline. “The hell kind of pronunciation is that?”

“The way you pronounce it, apparently,” I snickered as I swanned past her and opened the door to the passengers seat. “Coming?”

She walked around to get to the driver’s seat. “I don’t say my name like that,” she claimed and elegantly climbed onto the driver’s seat. 

“You totally do.”

“I do not.”

“Whatever you say,” I teased and focused on buckling my seatbelt. I had seen two little red stains coloring her cheeks. She knew damn well that she was in fact pronouncing her name like that. 

“As I said, you’re lucky I like you,” she huffed, buckling her own seatbelt. “Are you ready to leave?”

“Yep,” I confirmed and adjusted the weekend bag by my feet slightly. “Nice car, by the way.”

“Thank you,” Tanya said and sounded genuinely proud. “I’ve missed her.” 

“What about me?” I asked and tried to sound serious. “Have you missed me too?”

“What do you think?” Tanya scoffed and adjusted the mirror a bit before starting the engine. She maneuvered the car out of the parking lot, and I chuckled when I spotted a cage on the backseat. “Hi,   
Genevieve.”

Genevieve kept sleeping and didn’t pay attention to my greeting. 

“Well, she hasn’t missed me,” I joked. 

“No, she probably hasn’t,” Tanya agreed and laughed huskily. Then she switched on the radio and sped up just a little. 

I ignored the insult and looked at her. “You look great.”

A hand came down to pat my thigh lightly once. “Thank you, darling. So do you.” She flashed me a crooked smile and then started to hum along to the song playing on the radio.

“You’re in a good mood,” I observed with a slight smirk. 

She shrugged as best as she could while driving. “I’ve got my girl and I’ve got my cat. Yes, I’m in a good mood.”

“Oh, so I’m your girl now?” I teased and remembered our first night together when I said something like ‘I wasn’t aware that I was one of your women’. I had been a bit of an idiot back then. 

“Yes, that’s exactly what you are. Get used to it,” Tanya said plainly. Then she sped up again and made the old engine roar like an angry lion.

“Traffic devil,” I teased and looked out of the window. What I saw nearly made me scoff. Tanya and I were quite literally driving into the sunset. How cliché could it possibly be?

“Shut up,” she groused and glared a bit at me. “I am a great driver.”

It quickly turned out that she wasn’t, though. She constantly overtook the other cars and made people honk after her. She happily honked in return and muttered colorful insults because obviously, it was the other people’s fault. They were the ones who couldn’t drive. Definitely not her. I disagreed. She was a lousy driver. Worse than Angie. Worse than ME. She shamelessly sped out in front of the others, and every time the road curved just the tiniest bit, I was slung around in my seatbelt.

“Oh my god,” I laughed as I for the millionth time sat up straight. “You are such a shitty driver!”

“I am not. I’m a great driver. Shut up.”

“You are literally the shittiest driver ever!” I shrieked. “No wonder you’re been driven around to everything! You make me fear for my life, Goldstein. Are you planning on killing us or getting us there safely?!”

The road curved again, and Genevieve hissed in warning.

“Do you hear that? Even Genevieve thinks you’re a shitty driver! She’s hissing at you!”

Tanya glared at me. “I really hate you!”

“Yeah,” I chuckled as I put a hand on her knee and gave it a soft squeeze. “I hate you too.” 

She put her hand over mine for a moment and I probably should have lectured her about the security of having both hands on the wheel at all times. But I didn’t. Instead I looked down at her hand covering mine. I didn’t doubt that she and I, in all aspects were in for a crazy ride, and maybe we wouldn’t know where we were going all the time, but....

Life was good. In this moment, where we were driving right into the sunset and Tanya still hadn’t moved her hand away from mine, life was good. And at the end of the day, that was what mattered the most. I looked up, looked up at the woman I most definitely did not love...

The End


End file.
